Mercedes D. – Steps 10-12 – I’m Not For Sale Today – 2005

About This Speaker Tape

Doug and Mercedes map out the later steps not as a destination, but as a daily maintenance project. Doug dismantles the idea of 'Super D.,' admitting that his drive for success and money nearly landed him in the emergency room with panic attacks. He traces his path from a terrified newcomer at ISNAC 1 to a man pursuing a counseling degree to help others unconditionally.

Mercedes cuts through the noise with a gritty look at the 'blank page' of early recovery and the brutal reality of childhood incest. She describes the shift from believing her uncle was more powerful than her Higher Power to finding a spiritual reciprocity where she no longer sells herself to the highest bidder. Both speakers frame the 10th, 11th, and 12th steps as the mechanism for keeping the 'disease under arrest' while navigating the tension between raw honesty and compassion.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Doug opens by discussing the difficulty of change and the attrition rate of those who make it to Steps 10-12.
• 3:45 Doug describes his spiritual awakening at ISNAC 1 and the fear of seeing people actually enjoying recovery.
• 10:15 Doug breaks down the steps into groups of three: looking at self, Higher Power, and others.
• 16:30 Doug shares a story about a sudden urge to 'not give a shit' while driving on the interstate, using Step 10 to analyze the feeling.
• 21:00 Laughter: Doug discusses his panic attack in the ER and the need for constant contact with his Higher Power.
• 28:45 Doug explains his decision to go back to school for counseling to move away from a life centered on money.
• 36:10 Mercedes begins her share, discussing the 'blank page' assignment from her sponsor.
• 44:20 Mercedes discusses the 'symptoms' of addiction that convince the addict they are okay.
• 52:15 Mercedes shares the trauma of childhood incest and how it taught her manipulation and secrecy.
• 58:30 Mercedes discusses the 'spiritual reciprocity' of Step 10 and the danger of vexing one's own spirit.
• 1:05:00 Mercedes talks about her blunt delivery and the lack of 'coochie-coo' in her sponsorship style.
• 1:12:00 Mercedes reflects on the shift from believing her uncle was more powerful than her Higher Power to finding true strength.