Meditating for People with ADD – Jay S.

Let's just come into the room by just doing that little... Was everybody... Patrick, were you here yesterday morning? Okay. So, one of the things I found to be very, very helpful is especially when I'm coming into a room to meditate with folks or by myself, folks being three or four personalities, get them all together. One of the ways I found to do that is to just drop my chin to my chest four times, slowly. And just let those back muscles stretch a little bit. And then to take my left ear and touch to my left shoulder. Four times. And then drop my head back four times. and then to take my right ear and drop it to my right shoulder. And then the next exercise is to take my chin and point it towards the left wall, I'm going And to do that four times. And then do the same thing to the right. And then the final set is to drop your chin and then roll your head to the left. Make it circle around your shoulders, bring it back, and do that four times. And then finally do it to the right. Thank you. Thank you. So, this is a meditation method that was taught to me by my Oxford group mentor, a man by the name of Willard Hunter. And Willard passed about four years ago and when he first got touched with the Oxford group, they had everything in Alcoholics Anonymous, just about. We stole from the Oxford Group. formats of our meetings formats of our conventions the way we sponsor people the steps you know there wasn't twelve no it wasn't twelve but they had four spiritual exercises that they did and and and then I became a member like a lot of people that there's a book called for sinners only Oxford group had great titles books, for sinners only, I was a pagan life began yesterday ideas have legs all kinds of great stuff anyway Willard was a freshman in university and he ran across the OG was given a talk and he ended up going and the ideas appealed to him in the group they uh they say when did you meet the group and that's their anniversary and at their meetings they would get up and say today's the day you know on the 27th of march in 2016 i met the group then everybody you know gets excited about that and uh i've got a i've got a book with a bunch of the old guard and their names and their dates that they, you know, it's like getting somebody's sobriety date when they signed your book, that kind of a thing. That's really sweet. Anyway, this was the method that Bill and Bob were taught in the Oxford group meetings about how to meditate. Now if you really want to know the secret about how they would learn to meditate, pretty much as in page 86 to 88 in the big book because they weren't reinventing the wheel you know i mean bill gets out he has his experience at town's hospital and where does he run he runs to where his sponsor was going to meetings and his sponsor Was going to three oxford group meetings a week at calvary church and so he was going To meetings he and los went to three Oxford group meetings for about three years, until they got kicked out. Basically, they didn't get kicked out, but Sam Shoemaker was on sabbatical and Bill had started having meetings at the house. Or actually they were having it, I think, at a cafeteria, an auto man. And no secret meetings. The big thing was you stay with the group no lone wolfing and Bill was accused of being a lone wolf. So anyway, this is a wonderful method in meditating and if you work with others and they tell you, my mind's too busy, I can't meditate. This is a great way, this, this meditation for people with ADD, the entire Oxford group you know all that stuff yeah and and if you got a sponsee and they're going you know i can't do it you know tell them you know we've read dr bob's nightmare did you see how toasted this man was you know he was doing stuff worse than the cleaning products you were smoking before you came to us, right? And the same with Bill. But Bob was really an interesting case. I've actually got a tape, a fun tape of a guy that Bob sponsored in the Oxford group. And then he went out drinking and he came back to Alcoholics Anonymous and stayed sober. And he talked about being in Bob's office he's got all these pills behind him the pills that he used to just throw down his throat all the time so it's fun so anyway this is called how to listen and this particular method was written by a guy an Episcopal priest and what I did is I changed the language a little bit so that it's more contemporary and so it's called how to listen and this is on on my meditation website which then is the number three minutes plural minutes of silence.org so i'm going to uh i'm gonna read through this method And then we're going to do it once, and then we'll do it a second time just to, you know, have a little fun with it. And then I'll answer any questions that you might have. So how to listen. There is a tradition of preparing for one's day by getting quiet and tapping into the intuitive voice that resides in each of us. Here is a technique that has been used for more than 90 years now by members of Initiatives of Change, and that's the new name. It was the first century Christian movement, then it was the Oxford group, then it Was Moral Rearmament, and we became Initiatives to Change on the turn of the century. So one, take time each morning. An orchestra tunes up before the symphony. We can tune up our lives before the day begins. Once we open the newspaper or turn on the computer, most of us don't stop until we drop wearily into bed. So wake up. Get your coffee or tea. Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Number two, relax. Sit in a comfortable position. Consciously relax all your muscles. Be loose. There is no need to hurry. There's no need to strain during these minutes. We cannot touch the infinite if we're tense or anxious. Prepare yourself by breathing deeply and relaxing for three to five minutes. Number three, tune in. Open your heart to the ultimate reality either silently or aloud say in a way that feels natural to you that you would like inspiration for this day. If you have a specific problem or are facing, ask for the answer. Be definite and specific in your request. Number four, listen. Just be still, quiet, relaxed, and open. Let your mind go loose. Let your intuitive self receive inspiration. Thoughts, ideas, impressions will begin to come into your mind and heart. Be alert and open and aware to everyone. Five, write. Here's the key to the whole process. Write down everything that comes to your mind. Everything. Writing is simply a means of recording what goes through your mind so that you can remember it later. Don't sort or edit your thoughts at this point. Don't say to yourself, this thought isn't important. This is just me thinking. This can't be inspiration. This isn't nice. This is an ordinary thought. Write what passes through your mind. Names of people. Things to do. Things to say. Things that are wrong that need to be made right. Write down everything. Good thoughts, bad thoughts. Comfortable thoughts, uncomfortable thoughts. holy thoughts unholy thoughts sensible thoughts crazy thoughts but be honest write down everything a thought comes quickly and it even escapes more quickly unless it's captured and put down six test when the flow of thoughts slows down stop take a good look at what you've written not every thought is inspired. So we need to test each thought examining the written record. Is it honest? Is it pure? Is it unselfish? Is it loving? Is it in line with our responsibilities? And is it inline with my understanding of spiritual literature? perfect timing did you notice that sorry about that no it was perfect um so any uh any questions about that can you repeat what you just said the last part oh okay the last part it says test and i'll we'll go through more of that later thank you your timing's perfect really yeah but you need you need a pencil but you need something to write on oh you got a notepad okay good it's absolutely what I wanted I can tell cuz he could cut it with a knife the coffee um the request was what read the last part again so test when the flow of thought slows down stop take a look at what you've written not every thought is inspired so we need to test each thought by examining the record and we'll talk more about that later because there's another section down here but we're going to first do this um and then the test is is it you test it to the four absolutes is it honest is it pure is it unselfish is it loving is it in line with our responsibilities and is it in line with spiritual literature as we understand it so I'm going to read this one more time just to well no let's so take time each morning you got that but let's spend three minutes and let's just relax let's let our bodies go loose let's just come to the present moment So now I'm going to read the three instructions again, and then we'll do it. So the third is tune in. So what we're going to do is we're going to open our heart to the ultimate reality. and in whatever way we feel comfortable we're going to ask for what in AA parlance we call knowledge of his will for us we're going to tune in and say hey I'd like inspiration for this day no big deal right and then and then we're going to be quiet you know we'll say that silently so we're just going to hang out together for about 10 minutes and and then we're gonna after we say that prayer to ourselves or to whatever um then we'RE gonna just listen and by listening they literally talk about relaxing your mind not making this a big deal and one of the reasons the original this was called how to listen to god you try and do that how to listen so we need to just let our minds go loose and see what comes and then anything that comes across your heart, write it down I have to let you know that I've had the privilege of reading Sam Shoemaker, one of the great Oxford group members personal journals that he did his writing in and it's stuff like meet John eat oatmeal I mean, you know, we're not looking for lightning bolts. Okay? But we're looking for a method of getting some direction. Okay? So let's just take a couple of minutes and just tune in and then start writing. Okay? Any questions? Yes, sir. Just because you write stuff down, it doesn't mean that there's an answer. Right? You never know how a rudder works until you get the boat in the water. Don't worry about learning how to swim until we get you into the river. Then we'll figure out all the other stuff. Yes, sir? Okay. So let me get this right. Yes. When I'm relaxing at a barge, instead of releasing it just to let it fly by the top of the water, Correct. I write it down. Exactly. At that moment. At that moment. And then let it go and go back to relaxing until the next And then exactly this is you know how sometimes if you've got a Buddhist teacher they'll say thoughts are like boats going down the river and you just don't get on the boat. Absolutely. Okay so we're not going to get on the boat but we're going to say HMS Minnow USS Enterprise okay so that's all we're do it huh yeah yeah absolutely absolutely so all right so let's uh let's kick it and then see where we go okay so we'll take uh take a few minutes and and um you don't have to force it and that's why it's fun to do it in a group a couple of times the first go around okay So, what's the difference between this and a task list? you're not putting so much effort into it and you're just letting it come yeah exactly so it occurred to me that there's no reason to do it twice because we've settled in and the method doesn't I don't I've never been taught to do it twice i was saying that for teaching purposes but i don't so that the um so i carry these little cards my my og friends all carry a little the little pocketbooks you know i mean to write things and their inspiration and i carry this card because they're multi-colored and i can tell one day from the next and all that stuff and so i'll actually when i get done in the morning I'll transcribe it onto a note card so that I know. Now the idea is, well, what do you mean the idea? Let's see what the rest of this then. So now we're done writing. It says test. When the flow of thoughts slows down, stop. Take a good look at what you've written. Not every thought is inspired. So we need to test each thought by examining the written record. Is it honest? Is it pure? Is it unselfish? Is it loving? Is it in line with our responsibilities? Is it in line with my understanding of spiritual literature? The next instruction seven is check when in doubt and when it's important. So two different things. When it's in doubt and when it's important, ask another person who is on the spiritual path. More light comes through two windows than through one. Someone who's interested in our spiritual growth may see things more clearly. Talk over what you've written. Many people do this with their domestic partners. There are always three sides to every question. This line has been helpful to me so much over the years. Your side, my side, and the right side. Any question. Inspiration shows us which is the right site, but not who is right. Carry out the thoughts that come. You will only be sure of your intuitive voice as you go through with it. A rudder will not guide a boat until the boat is moving as you follow very often results will convince you that you're on the right track and you know this is the fun thing about the spiritual path we make an experiment you try this for a few weeks and and it's in the following it that you know you'll get convinced because maybe somebody's name will pop up that you haven't talked to in a while. And you actually, because it's written down, today's the day I make the call. And not, you know, I called you because I got guidance from God. You just say, hey, what's up? And then see where it takes you. You know, this is the idea of being kind of a secret agent for the power. And then what if no inspiration comes? Generally there's a reason. Here are some of the blocks. Any wrong relationship in my life, any wrong that I have not faced and put right, any compromise or indulgence that I will not give up, anything I know I should do but have not done sound a little like step 10 and 11 yes sir yes well and you can get this on the website only three minutes yeah the whole thing's there you'll get all of it in fact maybe i'll give it to the boys and they can put it on the send it out with the the tape okay so you i'm sorry i didn't make that clear but it's it's on the web site and so you don't have to worry about it so it's any wrong relationship in my life any wrong that I have not faced and put right any compromise or indulgence I will not give up anything I know I should do but haven't done results we'll never know what swimming is like unless we get down into the river and try we will never know how wonderful this technique can be until we sincerely try it for a while, every person that I know who's honestly tried has discovered a wisdom not their own, come into their mind and a power greater than human power begins to operate in their lives it's an endless adventure so this is kind of a fun thing, so like, this is what I got you know, I mean, it's like it's Easter well what do you do on Easter call your mother my mom yeah but I mean it's call my mom and then if I'm going to call my mom probably I'll call my daughter I don't expect her to call me you know and then call my colleague Susan Kim because we have had some turnover at work this week. We had the head of housekeeping quit, and that's a really big thing. Thank Carrie, our hostess, but thank her in the way that she'd like to be thanked. So that means I've got to go to Zach and say, okay, what can I do for the girl that would be lovely? That she'd like. Not that I want to do for her, but that she might like um uh and then send some stuff to uh bill's wife karen and ask my wife to call karen and discuss our coming over in april nothing earth shattering right but if i do these things you know i figure i'm following my my intuitive voice right because i asked for it yes sir I've had conversations you know I love praying and meditating sometimes I feel like I do it too much so I have a lot of experience meditating just the whole process of how that goes so by doing this for the first time I guess I'm pretty used to listening to that inner voice my subconscious so i mean i guess this method probably probably pretty good at it starting off at first well yeah the and and i'd love if you want anybody wants to share what it is that they got you know i'd loved it love to hear it the thing is is that the idea is you write the stuff down you know you carry that little book you know and and and you write that down and so So during your day, if you're confused, what should I be doing? You know, you come out of a brownout where you've just been thinking about something, you know, just problems. What should Ibe doing? Oh, I go to this. Or as it says in the book, you stop again and you ask for inspiration and intuitive thought. What shouldIbe doing next? And you stop and actually listen. But having the written record, it's very interesting to have that. When I carried the books, I've still got them for years. This one. Writing on a to-do list doesn't mean you look at it. It means you've got it. You think you've accomplished something. And I'm talking about me now. Right, right. You know what needs to be done, but it doesn't really mean you're doing anything about it. I've been reading an outline version of 86 to 88 for 29 years that I read a long time ago every morning. It took me several years to figure out this is an instruction manual, but it never occurred to me to actually write down at that time and in that moment what was coming up as a and connecting it to another symbol of mine which is at least my own experience of character transformation over a long period of time I never see more than two steps into the fog ever but if I walk two steps forward I can see even more if I talk two steps forward I can seem more and especially for things that are difficult or that involve a certain and there's one task on here involving a professional obligation that is crazy because I know I'm really good at doing that, but it's at the beginning and I don't have any answers. And I'm always kind of tensed up about how the hell am I going to approach this particular problem? All you need to do is take the first step and another one comes and another other one comes, but I never know. So, for me, it's like right down the god damn first step. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just it. No more. No answers. No solutions. What is a real step that is accomplishable today? I need to call two of my children that just had children. somewhat isolated from. Much to the disgust of my wife, she just doesn't understand my isolation. I don't either, but I can call them today and ask how their newborn baby is doing. It would never occur to me to write that down after morning meditation, I say, all right, it's a little more direct than you suspect. You take it seriously and this is what the next step I have to take, that's all. Mm-hmm. And some of it's very practical. Yeah. I mean, my wife is coming home from a long trip. I know exactly what I have to clean so that she can feel comfortable when she comes home and that the kitchen and the living room will be the way she expects to find or likes to find and I did I always try to do a task for her when she's gone and I redid the music system I hope it will be in her satisfaction and so I've got stuff to do today but you can be done Yeah. I'll read mine. So I got a coma, first one. Check in with Graham, my grandmother's in the hospital. Pray for Stone. Call Kippy. A sponsee I haven't heard from and I did the previous one, the sponsees who left treatment. I'm going to pick up my nephew with my dad later on today. help clean up kitchen table A8. I got anxiety next to that because I'm like, oh God, it's going to be such a pain. It's not that much we have to do. But there's stuff left over from last night that I don't know where it's at so I'm thinking about it. I've got algebra homework. Call my sponsor. I'm just thinking, where's Anthony? I think he told me that he wasn't coming. He's working today. Ah, okay. There it is. That answers that. The answer's been a couple of years. Yeah. Back's giving me trouble. Can't work out. Will gain weight. Want to meet up with a certain lady. Possibly hook up. Don't want to waste my time. You have a lot of anxiety right now. Oh yeah, totally. A lot of excitement. I want to ask another particular female out, beautiful, but I hope Sheldon stays over. And I'll just comment on this, I like the idea of writing down it where it's like once I see it, I write it down and I don't obsess about it. Because a lot of times whenever I'm meditating, the idea comes in and I go okay, acknowledge it, let it pass, but it doesn't leave. Right, feed the cat, feed to get it like acknowledge it okay tie it up put it and tie it and put it to the side so i like that in georgia so that the absolutely perfect so then the thing is is going back and reviewing it the four absolutes um my my oxford group mentor taught me he said they're targets if you don't have a target you're never going to hit anything. So it's what we shoot for. We shoot for honesty. And they're linked in a certain fashion. If you can become honest, then you can be pure in your thoughts and actions. You're not just reacting all the time. You are not governed by my wants and desires so you purity of intent then unselfishness because once i can be pure in my intent i can't be unselfished because i know what i'm doing and why and then loving and so you know you go through each of these things and go okay now you know is girl number one is it how does it sort in there now if we're growing along spiritual lines what's that or is it girl number two or girl number four you know i mean but it's it's it allows you to look at it from a different angle if you wish you know just one i'll read mine please like so simple we get brady talk to brady and then the next thing that came was just show her forgiveness by talking to her next thing i got was give jay a hug and after that it was tell felix hello tell him i used to make paint for him after katrina and helm paint in lakeview and that's that's what i got very simple yeah to the point yeah the only question i have about the first one for myself is you know is it pure so other than that i want to give you a pure hug I have a speech problem and PTSD also, and this is amazing for that. I've always tried to meditate, but I've been told to try and try and try. And I've never been able to. But this is, I mean, this is a whole another world. I think this is really going to help me a lot. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Would you do me a favor? What's your phone number? 504. Okay, now you got my phone number, I will be delighted to talk with you and encourage you about this anyway possible because it really is it's a way to um okay cool um and uh that's yeah i mean this is this is this is great that's really really fun thank you very much thank you so much for sharing that oh that's why i got up this morning how cool is that man yeah yeah the four things are any wrong relationship in my life this is this is straight step 10 any wrong relationship in your life any wrong i have not faced and put right good morning my friend any compromise or indulgence I will not give up and anything I know I should do but have not done so how do those affect our thought patterns and meditation well I can tell you from experience that if I'm spending time on the computer looking at pornography it scrambles my ability to receive inspiration so that would be compromise or indulgence I will not face there's a real I mean this is just my experience what if that's brought out in this thought process well then you follow it yeah It's like maybe doing that. Yeah, so the thing that I like in here is that anything I know I should do but have not done, I like that one because I put stuff on the side burner on the side burner you know and and so and when i do these things when i it's it's like doing a tenth step so that like it says in the book when these things are done then i'm available for the inspiration it's the same thing yeah exactly the times that i've had the most difficulty meditating or kind of clearing my head is when i'm in a bunch of fear you know when fear is present literally I'm shutting down because they don't give me any alcohol to take care of the fear so I know that it takes me I mean would you kind of like telling somebody that they can't meditate if they're in fear or is that what you're saying no no no this is about specific actions this is not about fear now fear for me one of the reasons that i think that this method is great is that um it's kind of easy and loose you know it's it's it's um it's not religion it'sit's not tapping into any of my old guilt strands and it's practical for me now if I'm in fear it would seem to me that I'm trying to remember when I'm in fear what I do is I don't want to sit down and take the time that's my experience is that that's how the fear will manifest is that I won't sit down and meditate because I'll be too busy trying to do something or just thinking about it so that's my experience with this method it kind of came out when you shared this would be perfect to deal with the issues that you have that literally would occupy your mind when you're trying to shut it down I was like, man, that thought is something I've got to write down. I don't know if Bill was saying you don't take action on it. Literally, if you don' t take action on it, you're going to get a lot of pain. Well, and then so the next day it's like, well, anything that I know that I should do but I haven't done. Right. You know, it's kind of... Well, yes, but in my case I'm perfectly capable of meditating and have an elephant in the living room that I've covered. Oh, absolutely. even touch in that process won't even go close to it because i'm unwilling to change it to begin with i got that phrase from the bottom of the sense where you're doing steps and talking about it but there's something nobody will touch and you want to talk with people who don't want to touch it either so you can get along but ultimately you have to be willing to say alright I gotta go there but we're talking about barriers to what prevents me from writing because I'm not always willing to do this I like Bob's line about whatever it is you happen to have in the garage going on so that's why I know that when I've broken the habit of not doing this in the morning not this sitting down and even reading the 11th step prayer there's something going on because there's no other reason it's like that I'm not putting my oxygen mask on Patrick do you have anything you'd like to kick in? I found it really cathartic to sit down and my thoughts were kind of all over the place and a lot of future-based ideas about things in the future and what people could or may be thinking about me. But, yeah, like I said, I found that really relaxing. And I do have one question. Sure. I've heard a guy mention trying different techniques as far as meditation is concerned just to maybe keep things fresh. And I was wondering your experience with this. Is this something that you've been doing for years and years? This is not my current method. Okay. Now, it's been my method probably... No, see, I'm not telling you the truth. It is my current methodology because I got the cards. And I've been using them for a while now. And what happened for me, yeah, my line is pray and meditate the way you drank and used. Just try shit and see where you end up, right? I mean, really. I had the most marvelous experience there's a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and it's a classic book about how to unlock your artistic potential and all that stuff anyway if you happen to have a girl because it's a chick thing really i've always thought of it as chick i mean it's a classic book it's been out for 25 years and julia is a friend of mine and um anyway my wife and i started doing the morning pages and her deal is very much this except what you do is write three pages just freestyle every morning and we've been doing that for the past couple of years and then what i do is i go back through that and you know pick up the nuggets that i got but there's all kinds of you know um bill and i have a have a friend who uh a mentor that does a method called centering prayer it's marvelous um i've done chanting i've did all all kinds of stuff this website that i keep referring to it's the numeral three minutes of silence.org i got a dozen different ways to meditate on there because i wanted to encourage people to do that there's a labyrinth symbol so you can click on it you can find where the nearest labyrinthe is so you Can go do a walking meditation anywhere on the planet that kind of stuff or my friend Tenzin Pradaharshi chanting om and teaching you how to do that you know so it is it's a marvelous adventure anything you want to kick in? No, it's not supposed to be a to-do list. Not supposed to be a to-to list. So it's kind of like having a squeegee. You cleared off the top of your heart, but you got the stuff right here and so it lightens you up during the day. Yeah. Ficknott Hans, one of my favorite spiritualists. I have his book Fearless, or it's fear, whatever. It's one of my favorite books. He has tons of meditations and mantras in the book. I actually did his little boy. He talked to your little boy and everything's alright. One of good ones in there he has is if you meditate each thought, whether good or bad you tell it hello and goodbye with a smile and to me this was kind of a process of although mine was very simple which is okay i mean that must be a good thing but you know you see the thought you write it down and like when you writeit down that's sort of to me like telling it goodbye with the smile but instead it's on paper and that's to me like that squeegee process you just talked about. You just squeege it out, right? I think that's huge. We do a lot of writing, I think, in AA. Really. And also, psychiatrists have been saying this for years. They don't know why it is, but we either repress stuff and push it down, and they know over the long haul that makes an individual very sick, especially the ride. And then by writing things down, you can begin that process of like opening up and you can start understanding what's going on inside of you. And then all of a sudden, like all these years later to sit down and actually do something from a group that we're so heavily influenced by. This is so much, this is so simple. This is easy. I really, yes sir? Oh yeah, no problem. In your noodlings around, there's a book called I Was a Pagan by Vic Kitchen. And Vic was sober in the Oxford group when Bill came in to Calvary. And he was a very active member and was all of his life. And Vic had came to the Oxford Group. He was an advertising guy, and he had a seizure in his largest—an alcoholic seizure in his largest client's office. So he and Bill became rather close. And when Bill comes in, this book has just come out. And it's got a—it's just a really, really fun read.