Mary T. at the FOTS Toronto Step 11 Speaker Series – 2023

About This Speaker Tape

FOTS Toronto Step 11 Speaker Series - 2023

A lifelong struggle with fear and a 'dualistic mind' that saw only right and wrong Mary T. spent decades theorizing about a Higher Power before finally experiencing one. She describes her early days in California shaking for months after a rough detox on the bricks and the paralyzing terror that kept her silent in meetings for three years. The turning point came through a specific focus on pages 86-88 of the Big Book moving from a 'fearful garbage inventory' to a fearless one. She uses the image of an acorn where the shell represents the survival skills and traumas built up over a lifetime which must be cracked to let the light in. Now a hospice social worker she views the spiritual life as a series of 'hand railings' that keep her from falling off the bridge emphasizing the need to be 'awake' and the importance of laughing at one's own defects.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Mary T. introduces herself and her current location in Tampa.
• 4:15 The 'acorn' metaphor: describing the soul as a perfect nut under a cap of survival skills.
• 8:30 Discussion of the 11th Step and the difference between a 'fearful garbage inventory' and a 'fearless moral inventory'.
• 11:40 A story about being agitated at work and the immediate 'coincidence' of her sponsor calling.
• 15:20 Laughter: Discussing the tendency of alcoholics to do everything backwards.
• 21:00 Reflecting on the loneliness felt at 20 years sober and the shift toward seeing a Higher Power as a friend.
• 28:40 The 'iWatch' incident: a concrete example of being given exactly what was needed to solve a problem.
• 33:10 Mary T. discusses her career shift into hospice social work and grief counseling.
• 38:00 Practical tips on using technology (Insight Timer and Pray Minder) for daily meditation.
• 45:00 Q&A: Discussing the 'AA mask' and the necessity of admitting the innermost self is powerless.
• 52:00 Advice on 'anticipatory grief' and the importance of caring for the caregiver.