Mark the Spot Where You Saw Higher Power Pass and Go Sit in That Window Again — Step 11 Distilled – Howard P.

About This Speaker Tape

Howard P. from Gilbert, Arizona tells a 40-year sobriety story framed by the baby elephant metaphor — a travelogue short feature he saw as a child in a small Kansas Bible Belt farming town, where trainers tied baby elephants to trees with ropes until they believed pulling was futile, then kept them in place as adults with only a small stake. He came to AA with roughly 650,902 of those limiting beliefs. Born in Los Angeles, raised southeast of Wichita, he absorbed early that he was separate from Higher Power, especially after praying for no rain the night before wheat harvest and then watching a hailstorm wipe out the crop. He took full blame at five or six years old and carried that ego problem into adulthood.

He took his first drink at 13 and went from a three to an eight, instantly addicted. He married his eighth-grade sweetheart Pat after the Korean War, faked his way into an engineering job at General Dynamics in San Diego, and discovered whiskey made him brilliant at writing reports. Promotions followed — senior engineer, then engineering manager at Hughes Tool Company Aircraft Division in Culver City — until 1970, when his boss started talking to him about his drinking. He added Benzedrine to the whiskey, got demoted, racked up a secret $2,500 debt, and on July 25, 1972 sold federal government equipment he had found before the company missed it to a fence who disappeared.

He woke up on July 26, 1972 in the bitter morass of self-pity from page 8 of the Big Book, but still stopped at the Tattletail bar at 6 AM for two double shots. He called Kenny S., thinking Kenny was the president of AA worldwide, and went to his first meeting that night. Frank, Kenny's sponsor, greeted him with the invitation that changed his life — join with us and do what we do. Chuck Ennis explained the phenomenon of craving. A trip to San Diego a week later proved he could not walk past a bar. Frank later taught him meditation through the 12 and 12's Step 11, and the practice of letting gratitude itself be the prayer. Howard made direct amends by buying back the stolen equipment and returning it — his boss quietly had it expedited through the calibration lab and asked him never to tell anyone.

At nine years sober, buried in a promotion he did not believe he could handle, he saw a frozen lake in meditation — ice thick enough to hold a Sherman tank — and understood that walking it a day at a time required trusting the ice was solid. Last year his business collapsed and his wife Pat, married 59 years, developed rheumatoid arthritis, a dormant childhood disease, and then a stroke that took her sight. She wanted to stop. He asked her to try, and within three hours she was walking the hospital room on a walker. Her vision is coming back. His closing teaching: suffering accepted spiritually does not go unrewarded, and wherever you see Higher Power pass, mark the spot and go sit in that window again.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Howard P. from Gilbert, Arizona opens with the joke about quoting page numbers nobody checks
• 3:30 Baby elephant travelogue — rope tight, futile to pull, the limiting belief that holds the adult elephant
• 8:00 Five or six years old, praying for no rain before wheat harvest, then watching the hailstorm wipe out the crop and taking the blame
• 13:00 First drink at 13 — from a three to an eight, nerves burned numb, addicted on contact
• 22:00 Half a pint of whiskey at home unlocks engineering reports at General Dynamics and Hughes — boss credits effort, Howard knows it was whiskey
• 30:00 July 25, 1972 — selling federally owned equipment to a fence who disappears, then back at the Tattletail trying to set up more sales
• 34:00 Calling Kenny S., thinking he's the president of AA worldwide, and getting smooth-talked into that night's meeting
• 38:00 Frank's welcome and Chuck Ennis explaining the phenomenon of craving at the beginners meeting
• 55:00 Buying back the stolen equipment, taking it to the calibration lab, and his boss quietly protecting him the next morning
• 72:00 Frozen lake vision at nine years sober — ice thick enough to hold a Sherman tank, a day at a time