Making Amends Without Taking a Beating – Gary B.

About This Speaker Tape

Four and a half million dollars. That was the price tag on a lawsuit from a former business partner Gary B. fired for being a lazy mouth-breather. Gary spent years obsessing over whether he owed the man an amend, only to realize he hadn't harmed him—he’d just removed him from a job he was unfit for. He warns against playing Genghis Khan with your own guilt; amends are about balancing the books, not taking a beating.

He speaks on the grit of the Tenth Step, describing "10-step buddies" and the necessity of dropping the facade. He recalls a sponsee who spent years screaming at a Higher Power while driving 100 mph on an Indianapolis highway before finally surrendering. From the sterile chill of a triple-bypass surgery to the bedside of a dying friend, Gary argues that the only way to face the end without fear is to leave no unfinished business. He views the Tenth Step as a way to kill the resurgent ego and stay present in the only moment that exists.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Gary B. opens with a discussion on the difference between harm and hurt feelings.
• 2:15 Laughter: Story about the 4.5 million dollar lawsuit and the 'best defense is a good offense'.
• 5:30 Gary B. discusses the boundaries of amends and the risk of 'taking a beating' from an angry ex-wife.
• 8:45 Gary B. reflects on the 'lies of the ego' and the fear of living under a bridge after his divorce.
• 11:20 Emotional moment: Gary B. describes the impact of positive affirmation on his sons' success.
• 15:10 Discussion on making amends to those who have passed away, including a story about a letter to a deceased child.
• 18:30 Gary B. describes his near-death experience with a triple bypass and his lack of fear due to his spiritual state.
• 22:15 Deep dive into Step 10: The practice of '10th Step buddies' and immediate inventory.
• 26:40 Story about Jim, a sponsee fighting a terminal disease who continues to sponsor others from a wheelchair.
• 30:10 Gary B. explains the 'window dressing' of the ego and the spiritual benefit of being seen by others.
• 33:45 Gary B. shares a story about doing a 10th step with newcomers to show them he is 'such a jerk' and break the old-timer facade.