Making Amends – Blueprint for Recovery Workshop – Part 2 of 2 – Dan S.

Well, it depends on the situation, again, because it's too vague. Sometimes mending means making payment arrangements and finishing paying. Sometimes it means doing an action on a repeated basis. Like I've had people asked by relatives to just call me once a month. So it can be sometimes an ongoing thing. and sometimes the situation warrants that because the person, for whatever reason I think that I would, there'd have to be I don't know that there's a cut and dry way to do any of these and I think that you see as you read through this they give you just examples of different amends that become more ideas or suggestions and again ultimately we pray into them So I'm not trying to be vague. I just don't know how to be more specific. My understanding, when people said that you never finish your amends, I thought they were referring to people that you're unable to reach or contact or that you've made contact but they don't necessarily want to meet with you or they just never reply. What is your opinion on those kind of amends? On the people that you don't want you to contact them or you can't find? Or they're just uninterested. We're just uninterested, right? Well, I think the key here is that I'm willing to do it. If someone doesn't want anything to do with you, you've got to respect that, right. To push yourself on someone that wants nothing to do with you could cause more harm. Would a letter be appropriate at that time? Not if they say leave them alone, right? Isn't that still forcing yourself on them? But what if you received an amend from somebody in the program that wasn't even sincere, they were just doing it? An insincere amend? Yeah, they're just doing so they could feel better about themselves. Receiving an amends just so somebody could feel better about themself, that isn't, you don't really perceive as an amend. you know I talked about eliminating the goofy amends that would be between I think there's a certain responsibility for a sponsor to sit with the sponsee and to listen to what's going to be done here because you're dealing with someone that isn't familiar with making amends and hopefully the sponsor has had experience with making amends and knows what to listen for and hopefully we'll continue to bring God into the situation and prayer into the situation to get clear on that. You know, I have an Asian sponsee and someone in the program came to him to make amends to him and she made amends to him for acting like she liked him but she really didn't I know, ouch I mean And that was real hurtful to this particular person because he's, well, I won't go into that. But the other thing that I want to bring up is somebody else got up at the podium and she was so happy that she finally, after not seeing her father for many, many years, when she heard he was dying, she went to the hospital to make amends to him. And what she did was she went and she told him all the things that he did to hurt her throughout her lifetime. And she was so happy because she said he just smiled, closed his eyes, and died. And she Was so proud of that. And I was thinking, God, you know, he was probably glad because it was finally the getaway. He couldn't get out of bed. he was stuck there so he had to die anyway you know in the back praying for a shorter list of resentments as you said there's some redundancy there right alright that's going back to the four step praying about shortening a long list of resentments someone called me up they wanted me to listen to their fifth step and we were talking and I don't listen to fifth steps from people that don't write inventory the way I write inventory. Just my thing. And I asked him, so how many names do you have in the first column? He said 2,000. And he hasn't finished the inventory yet. And he hadn't really gotten too far through it. He just kind of wanted some help through it and I says, if you want my help through it, we're going to have to talk about shortening this thing. He had every politician, more politicians than I even knew existed on his list. He had the armed services. He wanted to be an actor. He had all the actors that he resented because they were successful and he couldn't break into the industry. But he had them all listed separately. And I said, no, take all the actors and say, performers that became successful in the industry. Just group them all together. Write one page. List all their names in the first column if you want. But it's all the same thing. And I went through some of that stuff with him and he got angry with me and hung up. He says where's God in this? and I don't like I was minimizing his victimization that he was suffering from the world and it's like okay what's the value of you holding on to all of this and as far as I know he never finished an inventory ever so So he would have been better off to write on 30 of them just to see how it worked and then go back to the list and 30 or 50 of them just to See How It Worked and then go back and see, what am I really angry at now? Welcome back. Somebody humming that cheer song? all right so uh 10 and 11 um it's not uncommon for me to talk about things that are different than what a lot of people with some people how some people approach things in the steps and the 10th step is another one of those places I want to talk about some things that don't include writing inventory it says that this thought brings us to step 10 which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and I look at it, personal inventory is like a fourth step without a first column because it's no longer about them it's no longer about it's more about me being awake to my own behavior now I talked about talked about the maintenance and growth that it talks about in the four step and it refers to it differently in here where it talks about to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Right. Anyway, I'll get back to reading that in a minute. I think that a lot of what I hear in the program has more to do with seeking comfort than seeking God. Right? Pissed off at somebody so I'm going to write inventory so I can get comfortable. they spent a long time through the process here in the book discouraging me or helping me see that what I need is reliance on God yet in the tenth step what you see is more human reliance than than in any other step right I'm supposed to call my sponsor with everything right And the problem with that is that it's so easy to develop a reliance on another human being. Now, I know that it is stepping on some toes when I talk about this stuff. And I knowthat it is common. And I am not saying... And I think it is really important to have a relationship with someone and to build that relationship of trust. But I also believe that how we respond to a 10-step can be really helpful. And by talking about how to respond to the 10-steps, we'll put more responsibility on the sponsee to do something before they even make the call, which actually in the long run will make it easier on the sponsor. because hopefully what I'm encouraging here is not a dependence on me but on a dependence on this power when I'm working with people I work with a few people and I certainly don't want to field phone calls from all of them every day I don't tell them to call me or not to call they know that they can call me whenever they want But it's usually with questions like how to work with somebody. How do you respond to this? And I'm going to talk a little bit about how I listen to a 10-step and how I share a 10th step when I do. But I'm also going to put a twist to it. 10 and 11 are real similar to 6 and 7 from a certain perspective and that is in 6 remember we looked at those questions we look back over the 6 steps or the first 5 steps and asked can I see my behavior that was objectionable right and am I willing to turn to God for help with that. That was six and seven. Seeing the behavior that we found objectionable and become willing to turn to God for all of those things, right? We've gone through this process in eight and nine. Usually when I start them with 10 and 11 they haven't finished that yet but it's an exercise and an opportunity to access that power and direct and use that power in all these difficult situations. so now we're getting into step 10 and just like I separate 6 and 7 define 6 and 7 like that, I draw a line through 10 and 11 and I look at 10 as what I do in my interaction with you and eleven is what I do with my interaction with God and my relationship with God you could also say ten is about my relationship with you and eleven is my relationship with God and that's how I separate the two so even though it talks about God in the tenth step it's going to be about me remembering that I need to turn to God about remembering that commitment to the relationship alright so now we need more action without which we find that faith without works is dead I don't know if I read that already okay, we have a list of persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends, we made it when we took inventory you know what I'm sorry my page flipped over, I have this book that I normally use that is so well used that when you open it to a page, it just stays there. And I'm trying to break in this new book, but it's constantly throwing me into, constantly flipping back over the pages. Something didn't sound right. I just didn't quite catch it right away. Okay, step 10. This thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. So what would vigorously commencing this way of living look like? I think that any spiritual path that you go on is going to have some kind of mindfulness practice attached to it. This is no different, but in order to stay awake and do what it says here. I have to make this commitment to it. And as we go, we're going to be making mistakes and we're probably going to have more harms that we create and we are going to continue to clean up the past. So as we're finishing the ninth step, we are probably going to be creating some new harms, but we just keep on taking it through the process. We have entered the world of the Spirit and that's for me that place inside of me right and there is another way to look at that some people look at the fact that we have entered the world of the spirit meaning we have entered a world with a reliance on God rather than a reliant on people or rather than a reliancy on ourselves you had a question oh I am sorry page 84 sure no problem second indebted paragraph so you hear a lot of people talk about 10 and 11 as maintenance steps here it says our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness again maintenance is just about seeking comfort and that's the way it's usually approached But what does growing in understanding and effectiveness mean? I have to keep watching for what that means, because that's going to change. And we're going to talk about that as well, especially when we get into 11. It says this is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime. so typically what you hear is and again um even people in my home group write inventory and share it with sponsors you know so i i even step on toes of people that i'm that see me on a regular basis so and i know that there's people here that that i've probably stepped on their toes by talking about this this way. But it's just a different perspective that I want to share. But it says here that we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. It doesn't say we continue to write about selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear because if I'm being mindful as I go through the day and watching my behavior I keep bringing that word up seeing or behavior that we find objectionable and when these crop up not if they crop up but when they crop up we ask God at once to remove them so how fast does it take a resentment to separate you from a good place it's at once right vigorously It's at once, vigorously. I get separated at once. Here it says, we watch for these things to crop up and at once turn to God to remove them. Not to remove the people, but to remove the resentment. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. so where's your sponsor going to be in the context of immediately sponsor would be later it doesn't say someone else sometimes I think that it means two different things here I think yes, sometimes you're sharing it with somebody like someone you trust like a sponsor but sometimes in practice that someone is the person that you're talking to not someone else they're the people that would be most productive to discuss this with maybe something came out of your mouth that you realize oh, I'm going the wrong direction here. It would be a good place to be mindful of that as it's happening to watch for it to crop up ask God to help you with it and then straighten out what you've done right away before the hole gets any deeper hopefully because it says we make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. Quickly sometimes is immediately. Right? So the focus here for me and the practice of my focus here is not to just go through the days screwing up and just dealing with it later, but to watch for the issues to come up, watch for that behavior to come up turn to God at once right? And straighten it out to to do your damage control right away before it gets any worse then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance of others is our code see the person you're going to probably need love and tolerence for is the person that you're holding back from that you've just possibly harmed they are possibly the one that you should turn your thoughts to that you can help so again I just want to say this ideally we do it immediately it's not always what happens but if we try to do it immediately, we try and live this way you start to watch for the opportunities I call them opportunities, but situations that you need to turn to God for help with to go in, consider why it's affecting you, to take your personal inventory. You know, why did this ruffle my feathers? Ask God to show you what he would have you be with this person and start watching for that stuff instead of waiting for it. When it slips out, see if you can straighten it out right away. That, I believe, can be a little harder. But anybody that's done this a while finds that they're probably doing that anyway. But I believe that to stress that part of it is important because, again, where does the trust come from for me to live a life based on a God-reliance, right? But what could be better than to constantly watch for situations where I fall short and to turn to God at once to help me and to see that it works, right. That's where the growth comes in, right, because they're not talking about just personal growth they're talking about spiritual growth and spiritual growth to me is me being able to more and more effectively turn to God for help at a good or improving level all the time it says and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol, for by this time sanity will have returned we will seldom be interested in liquor and if tempted we recoil from it as from a hot flame remember back in page 24 where it talked about insanity as being like touching a hot stove like with alcohol I burn myself over and over here it's talking about recoiling from it as from a hot frame because we react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically I didn't fix myself but I've been changed the process has changed me we will see that our new attitude towards liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part it just comes that is the miracle of it we're not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation we feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected we have not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed it does not exist for us so the problem with alcohol has been removed but my alcoholism hasn't right it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels does everyone know what a laurel is? it's like the feathered wreath that they put around a horse that's won a race we can get so spiritually intoxicated that we kind of can fall into that trap look how spiritual I've become and look how much I know about this stuff look how many people I sponsor look at this, look at that and all of a sudden you find yourself back taking a newcomer through the book and you're starting back the circle and triangle on page one and you are talking about being in balance between your mind, body and spirit and that circle and triangle, you know, and asking those questions is where are you at with your meetings? Where are you out in your recovery process and where are at with working with others? And you see somehow I'm no longer quite in the center of that triangle and I'm veering off to one direction or another, no longer centered in my own spiritual path because I get so full of myself that my ego rebuilds itself and I sometimes can't even see it. It's resting on my laurels, saying, you know, I've got everything I need to get from AA so I don't need to work any harder or to say that this is as much as I can grow, this is a program that I'm going to do, this is how much as much I can get from this program. I've already got it all. You know, my own experience has been, I must have gone through the step process a dozen times. And some people think, well, why would you want to? My perspective is, why wouldn't you? If you haven't tried it, try it. I've worked with plenty of people that have gone through the steps with other people and never actually went through the book or have it explained this way. I have friends that like going through with different people every time they go through. Mix it up a little bit, keep it interesting, hear different perspectives. People in my group are familiar with a term called step guide where you keep your sponsor but you have to go through the steps with various people just to get just to mix it up a little bit, to keep it interested. Where else can growth come from? Unless I have an open mind that maybe there's more for me. It says it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest in our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. That can be confusing for some people because in the front of the book it says we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. All right? So in the beginning it says that we recover Or here in the end it says we're never cured of alcoholism. Again, we look at this as a three-fold problem. Physically, I have the physical craving for alcohol. And as long as I never take a drink again, I'm never going to have that craving or the consequences of my drinking. And then there's the mental part, the mental insanity, the obsessions. The obsessions to drink are different than the thinking of drinking. A lot of times you hear someone say, I'm thinking of drinking, or they'll call you up and say, I'm thinkin' of drinking, right? And it's truth is that they're thinking they're not drinking, of not drinking, that's why they're calling you, because if they had the obsession, right, they wouldn't be calling you, right. and it says that we recover from that that there is a process to take you to a place where you couldn't drink even if you wanted to because from a spiritual place from a fit spiritual condition I couldn't take a drink but it says here that we're never cured of alcoholism and I believe that's the spiritual side of the problem that there's a condition that I don't think anybody not alcoholics and non-alcoholics can escape from and that's this yearning for something more spiritually the spiritual side of my alcoholism doesn't get, I don' t recover from that it just gets suppressed and I have to acknowledge that because what it follows up with is what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. A daily reprive contingent on the maintainence of our spirit. Our spiritual condition so that means it doesn't matter what we've done in the past spiritually and it doesn'T matter what we plan to do in the future right what we're looking at here in the 10th step is what am i willing to do today to maintain and grow a spiritual way of life right and every day is going to bring about different challenges and what that's going to look like. It says every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities not just in the morning, not just at night but into all of our opportunities. That becomes my practice watching for opportunities watching for behavior that I find objectionable and practicing turning to God for help with that. And it's through that practice, it's true that seeing varied situations over and over again and how easily those situations are solved by a simple reliance on God. With all I know, I have to say I don't do it perfectly and sometimes I'm really bad at it. Again, I'm just human. but I've had enough experiences to know that it really works and it's a practice and I try to practice my practice how can I best serve thee thy will not mine be done these are thoughts which must go with us constantly we can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish is the proper use of the will you've heard all kinds of things you can't trust your alcoholic mind you can talk about stinking thinking talking like we're never going to live up to what a normal person could live up to because we've got a damaged mind. And I don't buy that. I think some of the people around here are much sharper than a lot of people I've seen outside of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I think we have strong wills, just not when it comes to not drinking on our own power. And Ithink that what it's talking about here for me is just to align that will with God's will. Because along with what I'm capable of and along with what God's capable of through me, it's just an awesome team. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us, to some extent we have become God conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense See I've always believed completely on what I could see or taste or hear. All my physical senses I trusted completely. But where did that get me? Because even though I I, you know, even though I see situations, my inventory showed me that I didn't necessarily perceive them how I see them now after writing an inventory. Right? I saw that I can't necessarily trust my physical senses. Even my mind sometimes, you knows, from an insane place, it was completely rational to say I don't want to drink again, but I drank anyway. And then in sobriety and from a spiritual place, being frustrated with something and saying a drink would fix it, knowing that that's not true and knowing that I couldn't drink anyway. What they're talking about here is starting to develop a reliance on a sixth sense. And it's something that I've always ignored. and it's not something that I can reason it's something that I have to live and it is through living it that I build more trust with it by seeing it work typically what happens is I'll go through the section step 10 with someone I'm working with and I send them home with a practice for a week I say, okay I want you to practice being mindful watching the situations your interactions and practice bringing God turning to God in those situations right you know, you say you're on a spiritual path start living like it right start living like it I don't give them a lot of complicated things to look at just watch your behavior and practice bringing God into your interactions do that for a week and then when we get together again we go through step 11 the following week and I try to break it up so they see some separation because it's so easy to go, I'm in 10 and 11 just like I'm 8 and 9 it's like they could have made them one step almost, the way we sometimes think about them. So sometimes breaking them up like this will just help someone get a deeper understanding of the different parts of this. So step 11 is at the bottom of page 85. Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. Now you'll hear all kinds of different definitions of prayer and meditation. Certainly I have mine. But you always have to look at the context that something's used in to know which definition is correct. And if you look up the word prayer in a big dictionary, I think I had three pages of prayer in a six-inch thick disc dictionary. So you have to go back to the context that it's used it. And I believe that the context it's using here is prayer means we ask God. and meditation meditation doesn't necessarily mean silence but I know if it's an 11 step meeting or 11 step topic you'll get people talking about how long they sit in meditation or the Buddhist path or whatever they're into I tell people don't let your silent meditation get in the way of your 11th step because meditation just means directed thought if it's silent meditation we're directing our thoughts to silence but what it's doing it's not going to talk about a silent meditation here it's going to be a silent thought it's gonna talk about contemplative meditation where we're directing our thought to particular ideas it says we shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer now I always read that as shy being like afraid to show you that I'm praying but shy also means short like 11 is one short of a dozen and I think that fits better with the context for me although I have had people argue that but I'm sticking to what I like. So we shouldn't be short on this matter of prayer. Better men than me are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it, right? There is some responsibility that I have to take to be on a spiritual path. I'm going to have to work at I just have to understand what I can work on and what I can't work on. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. So they're not going to be vague here. They're going to give us some definite and valuable suggests. So you're not going to have to look anywhere else but right here for what the 11th step is supposed to look like. So it says, when we retire at night, we constructively, not destructively, but constructively review our day. Where were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Now that sounds a lot like another inventory, doesn't it? So what's the difference between continuing to take personal inventory in the tenth step and asking where was I resentful, selfish, or dishonest, or afraid in the 11th step. Some people will think, well, just Bill was redundant. I don't think that was true. I think the difference is in the explanation in the text where it says in the 10th step we watch for those things to crop up while I'm interacting in a relationship with you people. and in the 11th step it's about a contemplative meditation between me and God and if I'm going to write inventory it's usually after the fact and if you're writing inventory for a 10th step I wonder if it should really be called an 11th step inventory right again I piss people off by talking about that too because we're so used to just calling it a 10 step and I'm just saying that it seems to me that it would fit more into context here by calling that inventory an 11 step. I think the confusion there lies in, it talks about doing an inventory of step 10 and the 12 and 12. The what? I'm just joking. No, you said the 12 and 2. That's where I think the misunderstanding comes from. And I think that Bill Wilson was kind of confusing that way. He said one thing in the big book and ten years later he did something with it. Well, you have to remember that the, I don't want to beat up on the 12 and 12 because it certainly has its value. But those were essays in the grapevine. And they weren't originally, yes, they were essays in the Grapevine that were pulled into a book. And so for it to be a story or an essay for one month it lost I think some focus and even Bill never suggested that that was supposed to replace the big book for a step guide so the fact that there's a lot of places that get contradicted in them truthfully I don't even find it helpful with the traditions if you want a good book on the traditions pick up Language of the Heart also Bill's writing there's this section there on each 12th step in order that doesn't have all the stories around it that Bill uses in the 12 and 12. And you'll understand it better out of the language of the heart than you might out of the 12th and 12th. I did. That was my experience. So, see, it's still sounding like an inventory here. Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving towards all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or were we thinking what we could do for others and what we would do for them? What we could pack into the stream of life. But we should be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection for that would diminish our usefulness to others. Now I've been guilty of making these lists of these questions to answer at night and to tediously look at each one of those questions and to see what applies to my day. But what I really found was that if you look at this whole thing, it's basically saying, how did you behave? How did you behave with the people around you? Which is kind of consistent to what I've been talking about throughout the process here. How did I behave? And when I started looking at it this way, the next sentence kind of made, it just hit me as what they were talking about with this next part here where it says, after making more review we ask God's forgiveness and require what corrective measures should be taken. I always thought why am I asking God's forgiveness here for looking at my interactions with people? And I realized is that anything that comes up in this nightly review when I retire at night is going to be things that were a result of ignoring God. What I'm reviewing here at night is how well did I 10-step? The 10-Step is a mindfulness practice where I'm bringing God into all of my activities. and now I'm looking at where did I fall short and here is the biggest place that growth can come from because now just like 6 and 7 where I've reviewed all of this stuff from the past and I'm willing to turn to God for help with this now I am just looking at today where did i fall short and I become willing to return to God for help in this tomorrow because it says here on upon awakening on awakening, I don't know why I keep saying upon but I know it's on awakening let us think about the 24 hours ahead it says we consider our plans for the day what that used to mean to me is I'd say okay I'm going to wake up at this time and then I'm gonna eat breakfast, take a shower, get to work come home, get ready, go to a meeting well a couple days of that it got really boring and I was like how can I and what occurred to me was that this is a practice and what I need to consider in my plans for the day is at night I looked at how well did I tense that. I identify where I fall short, where I'm not bringing God into my life and where it's causing problems So when I consider my plans for the day, I look at what was it that came up in the review that I can bring in today to do better with today. All right, I'm not nice to that person at the meeting because he's so annoying when he talks to you. So I do things so that he doesn't want to talk to me. I see that's objectionable on a number of different levels and it comes up in my nightly review so when I consider my plans for the day it's like okay, today when I see him I'm going to shake his hand but going into it I'm gonna pray into it ask God to help me have kindness and patience and tolerance that it's going to be necessary to have this interaction right I have a brother in my life that's not doing well. And I hate hearing about, because he's sick. He's got hepatitis C and diabetes and some other stuff. And I don't want to hear how sick he is. I want to Hear that he got up, took a walk, and he's on a diet and losing weight and feeling healthier than he's ever felt or in a long time at least. I want To Hear that He's Doing Well. I don' t want To hear about the doctors again. and I don't want to hear about the problem again, right? So I find myself being impatient with him, short with him. And a nightly review, that's been coming up really more than pretty much anything because I talk to him every day, right. and in the morning when I consider my plans for the day his name comes up a lot today when I talk to him I'm going to pray into it and just ask God to give me the patience and tolerance to let him talk because he's got no one else to talk to me and him we're the closest he's the closest person in the world to me and I believe that It's that I'm the closest person in the world to him. And if you can't talk to the person who you perceive as the closest person inthe world to you, who can you talk to? So I find my own behavior more objectionable than his. And I don't want to be like that to somebody I love. So spiritual growth comes for me in little pieces. But I have to be mindful, I have to look for where is it that I need to be more mindful and to bring God into more of my life. It says before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking. Now that sounds a lot like what it says here where the 11 steps suggest prayer and meditation. Asking God to correct our thinking means the same as prayer and meditation. Especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or selfish motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance that after all God gave us brains to use. Another place in the book that doesn't say that we have damaged minds or that you can't trust your thinking. When we live along spiritual lines and we try to align ourselves with what God would have us be, we can definitely use our minds. Where thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. What's the timing here? It goes on to give us some stuff in the morning to do, and I don't want to just read this to you because I know that that can get a little dry. So I'm going to move to 87 to If Circumstances Warrant. If circumstances warrant we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. I know a lot of people that like doing 11-step considerations with their spouse or girlfriends. And that can be a little scary initially, but the people that I know that do it swear by it. It says, if we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. Underline also. It doesn't say instead. It doesn' t say to do that instead of this. For somehow the 11 steps turned into a lot of different things in AA. and none of it is really mentioned here but it doesn't discourage it because there's a lot of good spiritual practices and I would certainly encourage everyone to pursue their various options and see what sits right with them but I believe that considering how I'm treating people and considering how I'm living and being mindful and identifying where I need to be awake to the idea that I need to turn to God harder in certain areas that's in addition to whatever else you're doing outside of AA if not members of religious bodies we sometimes select to memorize a few said prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about those may be obtained from one's priest, rabbi, priest, minister or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right and make use of what they have, what they offer. Again, they are talking about this after 10 and 11 and I believe that this practice will make anything else you do more meaningful, more powerful so oh there's another meditation I'd like to share with you that I like to do at night in the nightly review I told you that I keep going back to page 52 And we've done it in the first step, the second step, the third step. Right? And I like to go back to it in the 11th step because sometimes mixing it up a little keeps it interesting and makes it easier to do things more regularly without getting bored. And page 52 becomes really useful meditation from the 11th-step perspective. I like to ask like with the relationships did I bring God into my relationships today did I remember to bring God into all of my relationships and I contemplate what that means what relationships I'm looking at love relationships friends, meetings people at work I look around my life is there anywhere where I'm not bringing God into my relationship? In my emotional nature, is there emotional things coming up where I'm forgetting to turn to God for help with that? Misery and depression. Fears. Feelings of uselessness. All those things that it talks about on page 52. It becomes a great meditation. Where am I ignoring God? Again, another tool to identify potential areas of growth, right? To areas where I can grow spiritually. So at the bottom of 87, I believe that this whole thing has pretty much set me up to live this way. And as we talked about in the third step, It was a decision in the third step, but today it's the way I try to live. It says as we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. We consistently, constantly, I'm sorry, remind ourselves that we're no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, thy will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decision. It calls that a danger. Why is that a danger? Excitement doesn't necessarily mean happy, because you could be overly excited about what somebody's doing in a negative fashion or a negative way. But fear and anger and worry and self-pity and foolish decision, why are those dangerous? It's because they separate me from a spiritual place. And why is that dangerous? It's Because all I have is a spiritual reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. What's wrong with that? It's Beacuse the spiritual malady returns, it sets up the condition conducive for the obsessions to return, the alcoholic insanity. And that's what leads me towards the first drink. and that's not just for newcomers because you see people you hear of people that drink with decades in sobriety decades in the program what changed? the book tells me something was wrong with my spiritual condition we become much more efficient we do not tire so easily for we're not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves playing God was a tough job it works, it really does we alcoholics are undisciplined so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined being mindful of where I fall short and practice turning to God for help with it and checking how well I did that in the 11th step we've done all this work we've spent all this time with it and we should be feeling pretty good by the time we get to this point but look what it says but this is not all there's action, more action faith without works is dead the next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12 so what's interesting about this term this word faith without works is dead and that actually a bible thumper was actually someone who quoted this where this is in the bible and I'm nowhere near I've never even owned a bible so if you have a problem with that don't blame me I thought the definition was interesting because the context it was that faith without works is dead was used in and it had something to do if you see someone who's hungry and you walk by them and you say have a nice day and don't help something along those lines I'm sure there's somebody that can explain it much better than me but I think in this context It means, okay, now I've got all of this stuff. I've gotten all of these information. I've changed my life, right? Now there's something to do with that. I've been given a gift, and now it's time to share it, right, because to walk by somebody in a meeting, I mean, you have it easy now because newcomers come to meetings. You don't have to go try to help them in homeless shelters, although some people do, but you see people come into meetings that are new and a lot of people can't be bothered with them. You've got your friends. You've Got Your Little Click. You want to make sure you know where everybody's going to coffee afterwards or whatever, and that becomes more important than that person who's there in their first meeting that doesn't know anybody and has no clue what this thing is all about. So it's one thing to say, I got mine. But it's another thing to take what you've got and do something with it and help others. So Mitch brings us just working with others. It seems like Alcoholics Anonymous pretty much started with working with others before it had any of this other stuff, or most of this other stuff. The basis of this was working with others and it's turned into something different for a lot of people now I'm not I think that a lot of things that go along and around in Alcoholics Anonymous is good stuff but it's too easy to not it's too easy for people to not care about working with others it's too easy to say well I don't know what to do with someone right And I believe that we all have a responsibility for what alcoholics become in the future. Becomes in the futures, sorry, I said that wrong. If we take responsibility for our own spiritual growth and to understand what this thing is teaching us, and understand that there's people here that really need help from people that understand how to go through the steps. Again, my initial experience with the program with five sponsors, four of them had no clue what to do with me. When I found the fifth, I stuck with him for the next 22 years No, 20 years. He passed away in 2003. If the other people had something for me, I wouldn't have had a reason to need to change. And I've got to say that working with others is the best part of this program. It's the best part of it. Book says it's an experience you must not miss and I know that out of experience you know when I came to this program initially I had pretty much trashed my life I had very little self worth very little value of who I thought I was And I was, you know, I felt like I was a failure in pretty much everything I had tried to do at that point. And, you Know, when you start working with others and you see this transformation happen in their lives, you can't feel that. You can't Feel Worthless. So you can't feel like you have no value. You can't feel like you have no purpose. You know, sure, sometimes those ideas come to me like, you know, is this really that important? Right? But then you got that sponsee that as soon as they call you, you know yes, it's worth it. You know? One of the things I like doing is taking newcomers hiking one thing about newcomers is they like to talk a lot sometimes it's usually about themselves and then you've got the smart ones that will throw out a, how are you doing today and then the next couple hours is about them they're trying but just so consumed with their selves but you know when you take them hiking that only lasts for about 30 minutes and then they're panting too much to keep talking usually. And I remember this one guy, he was so full of himself. He was six foot something, long blonde hair down to the middle of his back. He'd walk in the room and all the girls' eyes would just go right on him. and his parents didn't want anything to do with him hadn't talked to them in years and we'd go hiking like every other day oh there's a few stories I can go into but I just wanted to stay on track here within about a year he didn't have the time to go hiking every other day with me anymore because he had all these commitments with his family right or he had to be there for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever it was and he was going to stay there for a week and it's like you know you don't always see the growth in yourself but when you see people's lives be transformed right and you know they want to give you all the credit as their sponsor and it's like what did I do I can't manage my own life I certainly don't expect to manage yours right but you just take them down this path the same path that you were on and you can see their lives transform and you see their families come together and you can't deny the value that you have in the world when you see that happening around you. I think it's important to take some responsibility for what you're going to pass on, to learn more about it. It doesn't have to be my way. I don't think I have the only way to do Alcoholics Anonymous. It may not, you know, it doesn't work for, I shouldn't say it doesn'T work, it doesn' t appeal to everybody. But I believe that it was certainly perfect for me. I found my perfect path. And I just encourage you to find yours, even if it's not exactly what I'm saying. but get excited about the program and learn how to transmit the experience that you had and do that I think God is bigger than what we do out of the book I think god is bigger than how many meetings you go to or who your sponsor is some people do get it at a simpler level and some people can't but you cannot deny that me putting myself in a place to be of maximum service to God and the people around me has changed my life. And if you told me that that would be the best part of my life 23 years ago, I would have laughed at you. Didn't care a bit about other people. I was more concerned with what I didn't have and what I wasn't getting. One of the things that I talk about when I get people to the 12th step is that it's sort of kind of a circular process here where, and I talked about it in the beginning, where 12 is back-to-back with one. And you can go through working with others considering the questions is can I see when I was new how I thought about this stuff as I go through the chapter of working with others. Relating my personal experience back then when I was new to what it's saying now. And I can have a personal experience with working with other people. Working with others through this book. But a lot of what I hear is people's excuses for not wanting to work with people. Well, I forgot what my sponsor did with me in the beginning. And that's the value I put on a lot notes and a lot instructions and a lot of I hate to use the word methods or mythology I'm tired mechanics but it becomes a great teaching tool you just can't attach to the tool right you don't praise the hammer and chisel you praise the sculpture the result of that I've heard people say it's like the painting Michelangelo's painting of David where he's reaching out pointing to God he says don't worship the finger worship what it's pointing to the other thing I hear people say is well people don't ask me to sponsor them, right? And they say, yeah, I give out my card at meetings. Well, think about it when you were new, right. You'd come home from your first meeting. How many cards did you have, right ? Did you know who any of them were sitting on your kitchen table with all these cards laid out? Mine happens to have my picture on it, So I think I've got a little advantage. It's just a piece of paper to them. Sure, it's got your phone number, but what's really there to motivate them to contact you? I tell the people I work with, sure, give them your business card. But take their number too. Take their card. You know, when newcomers are told to do it, to take people's phone numbers, they don't like it, but they don' t grumble about it. They say, okay. They think they're keeping themselves sober with that or insuring their sobriety with that. You know what's a bigger insurance for sobriete? It's tell the people you're working with when they get into Step 12 to go out and take five people's phone numbers a week and call them, right? You want to hear grumbling? Then you hear grambling. It's almost like I'm above doing that, aren't I? Because think about who you would have been attracted to when you were new, right. You start to see how your experience will benefit others when you start just thinking about your own experiences. When you were knew, the people that you were attracted to with the people that you thought cared even a little bit, that even gave you a littlebit of time. You know, everybody you call doesn't have to ask you to sponsor them, nor do you have to try to sponsor everybody you called. But, you know, if somebody's brand new to the program, maybe it would be nice to find out if they had a car to get to another meeting. maybe suggest meetings for them you've taken their number why don't you say look I'll call you we can go and have coffee on the way to the meeting so we can drink some better coffee than this at the meeting and I'll pick you up or tell them to pick you up they like that because they don't like to feel like a burden or like they're taking sometimes. And people tend to feel better about being in a place where they can offer something in exchange for your kindness. Imagine that, someone being happy about picking you up just because you're nice to them, right? You know why you stand out? It's because the rest of the people in the room didn't give that much energy out towards them, all right? and you start standing out to these people, they're going to start asking you questions about the program. And if you're someone that knows about the programme and have the answers for them and you make sense to them, then you're going to start sponsoring people. And where does it start from? Just be nice. Just be friendly. Just be compassionate to the fact that they don't know anybody else in the room. they might not even like you so to be all concerned with whether you have to talk to them or not may not necessarily have to be a big deal and you might put a little bit of energy out and they might start telling you about the sponsor that they found that wasn't you don't be attached to that, just try to be helpful and eventually when you start to get a few people that you're working with you start the smell like a sponsor and I don't know why that is but you start working with people and people just seem to pick up that you are someone that works with people some people are laughing because they kind of relate to that and it's like once you get a taste of it I mean what could be better than having a meeting with your sponsees in a room where you're in control of basically what the format is you can tell them when to talk and when to stop right that's the best meeting you could possibly have and a workshop takes that up to another level because you're the facilitator and they're going to talk when you tell them to talk about what you tell them to talk about, right? I'm kind of joking about that, but it's also kind of true. Right? You know, there is deeper levels of this program than just meetings. And participating in that part of the program changed my life. So our time is almost up, so I'm just going to end with the 12-step promises. Have you heard what the 12 step promises are? Yeah? Some people have. Most people haven't heard this. Okay, here's on page 97 is the 12-step promises. Oh, let's save that for next. There's another thing. You know what page Sex Inventory is on, right? Page 69. did you ever read the instructions for dating in the program on page 96 do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once search out another alcoholic and try again you are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer all right here's the 12 step promises never avoid these responsibilities but be sure you are doing the right thing if you assume them helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery a kindly act once in a while isn't enough you have to act the good Samaritan every day if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It might mean sharing your money and your home counseling frantic wives and relatives innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes to say she's neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he's violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another time, you may have send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally, you'll have to meet such conditions. But I wouldn't miss it for the world. So thanks for having me come out here and sitting through all of this with me.