Making Amends and the Amends List – Big Book Workshop – Part 1 of 4 – Katie C.

Okay. What fun we're having, you know. I hope we maybe heard some new stuff in here. You know, there's so many things that I didn't get to cover. You know, I mean, I talked about Katie being the best at hearing inventory of anybody I've ever seen. You know, and I was talking to a friend of mine one time about that, and he goes, you know what, I wouldn't have even known what that meant a few years ago, you know, if you'd have said something. It's like saying, you You know, Bob's the best at listening to a CD of anybody I've ever heard of. You know what I mean? But now when you look at where we're really going, my sponsors are all using me to get to Katie, I promise you. And Chad one time, he goes, God dang, when you do inventory with Katie, she just digs and digs. And you go, wow, thanks, Katie. That was really awesome. And they say, oh, no, no. We're still digging, you know. And it's just deeper and deeper. And it was funny. We were at a conference with 2,000 people last week. And I said, everybody here should do a 10th step with Katie this week. And I think they thought I was serious. I mean, because my God, did she get the phone calls. But we're going to talk about a lot of that stuff. But, you know, a lot OF this stuff was just making an amends. But I mean making a beginning. But we didn't talk so much about the cards in the amends process. When I'm doing amends with people, I put a card that has the nature of the amands. The person and their contact information. and I have three questions on there. I say, have I harmed you in any other way? And then I write, shut up and listen. And then I say how can I make this right? Shut up and lesson. In fact, I've just started putting S-U-A-L and then the third one is do you want to tell me how this made you feel? And it's a powerful, powerful piece of the amends process. Because I would have made amends to my sister and just said, you know, I stole $15 out of your purse. And I would have thought that was the amends. It wouldn't say, have I harmed you in any other way? Can't you just see her going, really? So let me get this straight. You robbed everything out of our family. You stole from our parents. You took all the attention that should have been coming to me and it was all on you. And you think you're going to give me $15 and we're goingto be square? And you're like, well, kind of hoping, you know, you don't want to be a victim. I mean, so a lot of times that question of have I harmed you in any other way. One time I did amends to Katie and at the end of it I said, I said now honey, there's a very good chance that I've harmed you in ways that I'm not aware of. And this was way into sobriety. This was just a few years ago. I said there's A very good Chance That I've Harmed You In Ways That I'm Not Aware Of. So I'd like to give you the opportunity to make a list of what those things are and we'll sit down and we're going to have another conversation like this. And she says, okay. And so I go on my dopey little way just like I got good sense and am I the only guy in the room that likes to bring up the dumbest stuff you've ever done? And I go, remember that time I was... And she goes, oh yeah, I remember that. And I goes, she goes oh yeah that's on the list. I go what list is that honey? And she goes, this is seven months later. She goes, you told me I could make another list. And I went, oh, now hold up. I was talking about like a few days, you know, or maybe a week. This is seven weeks where the whole time, every time I do something stupid, she'd be like, oh yeah. And that reminds me of the time that you did this. And then there was that time that she said that. Then there was a time you called me that. And when you touched that waitress's hair at the restaurant that time. and you know and just on and so anyway now i didn't know she was making the list still her sponsor didn't though she was still making the last but the thing she would have told you is that she had a little rolodex now for the young people in the room a rolodext is what we used to do when we wrote phone numbers down on paper and uh and and you had this little thing you would spin through that had all the phone numbers on and she said she had this old rolodexe in her head that would just go, and every time I'd hurt her feelings, she'd go, it's like the tiny dizzies, and then, and like that. And so we sat down at the corner of my table and I had a little piece of paper this big and while she wrote down, she was writing her list off to me and I was writing them down and the thing I can tell you is that there were 32 items on that list. Every one of them was a legitimate harm and not one of them was on my amends list to her. That's the power of that question, have I harmed you in any other way? And the thing that I didn't see coming is that when we did that amends that day, she told me that that Rolodex went away, that it cleared up everything and that she wasn't calling up all this stuff anymore. She was free of all that, which greatly benefits both of us. And so there's so much to the amends process. And the other thing I can tell you is that when you're in the amends process, and I'll never stand at a podium of Alcoholics Anonymous and say that I've made amends to all people I've harmed. You'll never hear me say that. But I can stand here today and tell you I've made amens to everybody that I'm aware of. There's not an amends out there that I am aware of that I haven't made. And that's a big move from where I was 17 years ago when I started working with Mark. When I started work with Mark, we put all this stuff. I had 42 cards, and I would take those cards, and I'd make them in, and put the card in my desk drawer, and I put the car in my drawer. And boy, there was a bunch of them, and I made all of them. So it's been a really powerful exercise. But we're going to start wrapping up here, but Katie's going to do a thing on step 11, which is super powerful. But I want to talk for just one brief second about step 12, them we're not going to talk about you know i mean we talked about carrying the message and and and you know it's funny mike likes to say you know sponsoring people is not extra credit you know if it's like it's just like meditation is not extracredit it's one of our steps it's what we do you know we all prince was the one that said what we're talking about here in the work he said this is all getting us ready for the work and the work is carrying a message to the man and it's still suffering from alcoholism. So we're bringing all this stuff. But one of the things that's kind of funny, one ofthe things some of my boys say is that most of the problems in Alcoholics Anonymous, if there are any problems in alcoholics, could be solved by strong sponsorship. So one ofthethings we started talking about, I started working on this pamphlet one time, and it was going to be called Things My Sponsor Yelled At Me About, or something along those lines, because if most of the problems could be solved by strong sponsorship, what are things that I should be teaching this sponsor other than taking him through the steps? And I kind of started making a little list, and I've been wanting to put it together. And if you have any ideas, email them to me, call me. But there was a few of the things that i wanted to read through, and one of them was put AA first. Pray. This is not living amends. Make your bed. Don't interrupt people when they're talking. fill your hands at something like this without having to be asked just take the trash out be thinking service work don't show up 5 minutes late for a meeting with a Starbucks in your hand when you chair a meeting have a topic and stick to the topic don't sit up there and say well you can talk about whatever you want please don't say that don't talk too long if there's a meeting with 40 people in it don't speak for 10 minutes stay on topic chanting goes without saying Think of other people's perspectives in life. Go to funerals. Thank the speaker. Don't say, I don't like lions. Stay in your seat during the meeting. Stay in the singleness of purpose. We didn't talk about singleness. Don't text during the meetings or take notes. I don' t even like taking notes on my phone or reading the big book on my phone because the new guy in the meeting can' t tell whether I'm looking at the big books or Facebook. I don''t like having my phone out there. Ask your sponsor before you make a move rather than bring him in in the cleanup role. Look in the meetings for the guy that's not laughing. That's where I do a ton of service work. When you're in a meeting and you hear everybody laughing, that's when we go to work. That's when you look around. When you hear somebody laughing, that is a wonderful opportunity to look around the room and go, who's not laughin'? There is somebody in that meeting that doesn't think a damn thing is funny. And that's the guy, that's my target. That's the guys I'm going to go up to after the meeting and go, how you doing man? It seems like you're a little preoccupied during the meeting, that sort of thing. Build character. Do esteemable acts. Don't steal. Don't story steal. Don't lie. Keep your commitments. Try to date single people. actually do the steps look for a newcomer in the meeting greet him get some sleep put the baby to bed wear a coat and tie when you speak don't date for a year you know this one i got to talk about for a second you know when you have children you hear yourself saying stuff to your kids it turns out to be straight up bs and well the way they came about me with me one time is we were out by the pool and we'd been playing at the pool all day. And my daughter, Sadie, we had lunch, you know, we had, and we've all had lunch and we're sitting there and Sadie comes running up to me, she goes, dad, I want to go swimming again. And I said, oh honey, you can't go swimming for 45 minutes after you eat or you'll get a cramp. And I said wait a minute, I don't know anybody that knows anybody that's ever had a cramps. And then I realized that the reason we tell them don't go swimmin' for 45 minuets so you'll get a cramp is because I just ate and I don't want to have to mess with you. You know what? So I want to sit here and chill for a little bit. So I tell you, don't go swimming for 40. That's the same reason we tell newcomers not to date for a year. We don't know whether it works or not because nobody's ever actually done it. But the problem is if you start dating my job as your sponsor, you just got a lot harder. So it's a lot easier just to say, you know what? Don't date for the first year of sobriety um putting money in the basket don't gossip we don't shoot our wounded all these things are but byproducts of living you know as a as and then have a home group go to group conscience get a commitment these are all things that we can do to help people that and think the list goes on and on and you know a friend of mine wrote one that they call traditionally we and they think traditionally we do this traditionally we'll do that but there's a lot of things. I want to, beforehand, you know, Katie's going to do the 11th step. I love these kind of events. I love the people that come to events like this. We are all spiritual seekers. We're all people that are looking for more depth. There's a part of us that senses that there's more available. There is a place in the book where it says the most satisfactory years of our existence lie ahead of us. Ask yourself, is that your experience? Is that my current belief or does it feel like it peters out after 10 years, 15 years 18 months whatever it is you know is it possible that there's more available because what happens is i will come to a conference like this i get fired up i get next to people that are in the solution and i tell myself you know what i need to make that amends i need the right that inventory but what happens is I go home and I fall back into my life and I get focused on my problems and my kids and my work and stuff like that and six months last one later I go man I didn't ever did really do that stuff and I still don't be able to all I'm saying is there's more available and it's available as a result of getting with somebody and doing the work right out of this big book. I almost missed it. If I'd have died in that plane crash, I would have missed it if you'd have come to me when I had 17 years and said Charlie what's going to change your life and set you on fire? Is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous coming right out of the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous? I would told you, you're nuts. Man, I've been in AA for 17 years. I know what AA has to offer me. I'm telling you, I hadn't stuck a toe in the water. There was such a huge experience available to me that I don't want to see anybody miss it. Get with somebody and tell them I want to do this work. I want you to show me what to do and you won't believe what will happen to your life. I am Charlie Parker. I Am Alcoholic. Thanks everybody. Thank you. Yeah, you did great. All right, guys, here we go. Final stretch. Look at the person next to you and tell them how impressed you are they stayed through the whole thing. That's a big deal. That's big deal I love it. I am so proud of y'all. I'm telling you, one of the things that I told Charlie that I think is so awesome is, you know, sometimes we'll say, you know, did this work? And what did you think about this? And certain comments, you know, kind of make me decide if I'm going to keep that in, take it out, whatever we're going to do. Because, you know, you sit up here for basically nine hours and you're going to rub some people the wrong way or you may move them in the right direction. But one of the coolest things that I've watched is that from the beginning of this deal to the end of the deal, we always still have a full room. It's really incredible. That speaks volumes for how hungry we are in AA. And I just love that. I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts that you stayed through this whole deal because it affirms to us that we're carrying a good message. And I think as alcoholics, we need to keep our finger on the pulse of that at all times. The 11th step, once again, another misunderstood step in AA, if you ask me. People say, and Mark was big about this, and I wish Mark was here. We miss him terribly bad, but I have so many questions for him. And, you know, a lot of people say I read, you know, 85 to 87, you know, every day. And I tell them why. You should know the directions by now. You know, they're clear-cut directions. I think any time you do something redundantly, you're in danger of it going flat. You know? I'm not saying that there isn't clear directions in there, but you've got to start making it. When Mark said that this fits spiritual condition, as a fitness professional and an athlete all my life, I know that I can't do the same thing every day. That would be crazy for me to do the same exercises every day at the same time every day you got to always be mixing it up you got to always confuse the muscle so that it begins working and all of these things well the same goes with prayer and meditation it falls flat and what the alcoholic does is we quit doing it there it is we just cast it aside so having that in mind I've been on 19 different ways of doing this. There's something I want to read. Once again, I'm a big fan of, I follow Emmett Fox. I love me some Emmett Fox. The Sermon on the Mount is a great, I used to call it the Sermont on the Mound. And I go, he goes, you just kind of round the edges off of words, don't you? You start out right. And he said, whatever. He goes like, like a pitcher on the mound? I go well what is it? He goes, on the mount. It's a mountain. I was like, okay, I got you now. And so, but I think it's important for you to, oh, my experience. I upset somebody at a conference I was at. I didn't upset them, but i could sense that they disagreed with what I said. And I really like to have the conversation so I know that I can take this into prayer and meditation. Find some guidance from it, right? You know in AA, we're not going to keep everybody satisfied. We're not going to always be on the same page. But if I'm growing in understanding and effectiveness, I want to see if I particularly rubbed somebody in Tennessee. And I haven't done that in a long time. And so I called Lorenz to do the inventory. Marty was out of town. And and I did the inventory with Lorenz. And he said, well, Katie goes, what would happen if you just started that statement with my experience? He says, you really can't argue with my experienced. And OK, fair enough. I'll use it. So here is my experience, and I believe from my experience that there is Western religion, Eastern religion, Native American, and then just whatever else we can sprinkle in there, right? But it's all spiritual paths. Whatever spiritual path you choose, be sure that you find a good teacher, okay? Because if you're 16 years sober and your spiritual understanding of whatever your creator is, is... Oh, I don't want to use one of my sponsees. She'd know I'd be talking about her. Let's put it shallow. It's going to be hard to entrust yourself in that. Does that make sense? It's not that, see, if you have Mother Nature as your higher power, that's totally fine because, you know, the mountain you can feel connected to, the sunrise you can feeling connected to. You've got to get something you can connect to. But I think it's important based on my experience that you find a teacher. Does that make more sense to you? So just find somebody that you like the way they talk about the path so that in your morning time, because it talks to us about fine literature that speaks to your heart. So it says, the most important of all things to possess is peace of mind. There is absolutely nothing else in the world that is equal in value to that. Nothing else that life can offer is so important, and yet it seems to be about the last thing many people work for. They strive both spiritually and materially for everything else under the sun. Whereas if they have everything else and still lack peace of mine, they would be miserable. It's in the third step that talks about peace of mind. And this peace of mind is you are literally alone at perfect peace and ease. Right? The ninth step. It's amazing. Ask yourself. Right? You have to be able to get outside of yourself and observe you to see if you actually have peace of mind. And one of the coolest things that I think, I think we need to be looking around at this world of electronics. I'm telling you, electronics is wonderful, but it's a double-edged sword. You can watch TV endlessly. You can play games forever. You have your phone with you at all times. Think about how many times you could not look at your phone while you were here. And then once you look at your phone, there's no way you can hear and look atyour phone at the same time. Mine can't do that. You think you are. I won't even talk to somebody when they start texting. I'm like, when you're done, we'll finish the conversation. You know what I mean? First of all, I'm totally disjointed because you're in another conversation. It's like talking to three people at once. But I think it's really important to see how many things in our life keep peace of mind at bay. And so ask yourselves, you know, I played a game called Candy Crush that I was shocked, shocked at how that was just like smoking almost. It just pulled me into it. Play another one, do another one. Do it, do it, and oh my God. And then it wanted to charge me. I'm like, who pays for this? Well, by day three, I'm 99 cent in it, man. I'm like, I'll do it. I'll do it and I just thought, oh my God, I was four days into this game and I thought, I can't do this anymore. This is killing me and it felt like giving up cigarettes, you know what I mean? It was like, wow, I want to play that game all the time. So on the 11th step at the bottom of page 85, it says suggest prayer and meditation. Now, I think some of us stop at that and just assume the 11th step is just prayer and meditation. Oh my gosh, the directions are so clear cut. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. Once again, it's telling us to look to other leaders. You see, what's so important is that we, the steps are designed to get me unblocked so that the sunlight of the spirit can come through. Yes, have I had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps? yes, I have. The obsession to drink has been lifted. I thought that was the finish line. I think a lot of people think that's the finishline. And then we go find our spiritual path somewhere. Today, I understand it that these steps are to be continually worked to keep me on block so whatever path I choose, I can follow. But it is along with, not instead of. So if you decide to go to church, be very careful that you just don't pull off into church and you just do church, church, and you're just a visitor in AA. These things must be all connected. I've done all of it and gone the wrong way. It says it works if we have the proper attitude and work for it. Now, I have in my book page 55 by the word attitude. And this attitude, I always, when I read that, I thought attitude, schmattitude, I got a good attitude, keep reading. You know, I just didn't give it much respect. On page 55, it's kind of midway down the page. It's the second paragraph on the bottom on page 55. And it says we can only clear the ground a bit if our testimony helps one sweep away prejudice. Think about that. That is your old ideas. You must carry this attitude in there that you're willing to look at your old ideas and do something about it. Two, enable you to think honestly. That means to empower you to think honestly, isn't that interesting that they would ask you to Think Honestly? I mean these are important things to look at. Alcoholism is not to be messed with man, it is the craftiest illness ever. And then this one I love, encourage you to search diligently within yourself. This encourage means to inspire courage. I was talking to one of Charlie's sponsors who I love with all my heart and we had a heart-to-heart talk at the table before we left he's really going through a tough breakup and I told him I said you got to look at this attitude if you don't take this attitude into this deal you're going to be so dark so sad so depressed she's the only one there's never going to be another one because his heart is deeply broken, as it should be. They both broke each other's heart. And I said, look, it talks about encourage. This is going to require you courage to look deep within yourself. This swallowing and digesting, nobody wants to do that. And let me tell you, the freedom comes from swallwing and digusting. It is one of the greatest gifts ever. Don't rob yourself of truly facing the facts. You will have absolute freedom and we will run from that, we will hide from it, we'll get into service, we''ll make more meetings, we'll sponsor more, and we wil not do this work that requires us in order to get closer to my creator. As the seventh step says, my creator. That's what I like. I want to believe that there is in my heart, someone who created this heart that I have. It's remarkable. It says, then if you wish, you can join us on this broad highway. With this attitude, you cannot fail. They're not mincing any words. You can't fail. Trust me. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. Wow, this God consciousness that we are so deeply talking about. Now, listen to this. Back to page 86. It's interesting, the 11th step starts with the evening review. But if you take the step off the wall, you think it starts with morning prayer and meditation. And the 10th step, believe it or not, is four paragraphs. Isn't that amazing? I think one of the most profound steps we have, four paragraphs." So this, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Now, the word constructive in the 1935 dictionary means in a way that is intended to have a useful and beneficial purpose. Isn't that fabulous? So all of a sudden we're going, okay, I'm going to constructively review my day. Where was I or were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? That sounds just like the 10th step, doesn't it? And it's because we're checking our work. Remember in school, didn't you love when all of A sudden they would say, look, we're gonna let you grade your own paper? A hundred. Over here, I got a hundred. I'm still a big fat cheater when it comes to school. I mean, I just instantly cheat. It's just in my DNA. And so were we resentful, dishonest, selfish, or afraid? Here is what is so important. I am not looking for a yes or no. Remember, any time you are doing inventory, we are not looking por a yes know we're looking for some depth. Open your mind up. Where was I resentful? Where was I selfish, dishonest, and afraid? Do I owe an apology? You want freedom? Where's Bentley? Okay, you want freedom, you go back and clean it up, right? Even if the other person was wrong, go back there and tell them, say, man, that conversation was really uncomfortable. Well, I am sorry I put you in that awkward predicament. And they're 100% wrong. You will get instant freedom. Take the high road. Lorenz, when he told me take the high road, I swear to God, I remember thinking never have done that, buddy. I don't even know the path. Where's the highway? And then I called him with another big problem and he said, Katie, your pockets your spiritual pockets are deep. Take the higher, higher road. And I went, oh, shut up. You got to hire, hire. Oh, my God. It's like all of a sudden I was like, I don't care. Do it. I'm just not going to know. I'm sick of being a sieve. I'm stick of the world filtering through me. I'm sink of being the one who's got an opinion on everything. My family was driven with opinions. Oh,my God. I mean we are strongly opinionated. And what you're seeing here is the ultimate toned-down version of that. I know you chuckle. I'm impressed. So, have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? There's the drunk trap. See, that's why when you send people your evening review, you blew it. The evening review is not to be designed to be sent to anybody. If you do it, okay, fine. But you're missing a big piece of spiritual work. When I do something, and every time I do a 10-step with Lorenz, I call my sponsor to keep her filled in. Hey, I did this 10-stepped on this deal. This is what he suggested I do. I followed directions. She just keeps it in her mind there. I got those set of eyes on me at all times. Were we kind and loving towards all? These are stiff requests. what could we have done better were we thinking of ourselves most of the time i'm telling you you start really growing spiritually in these disciplines you will be shocked at how much you think of others one day i woke up to my little letter to god in the morning you know i write these little love letters and they always start with help me see who i can help i didn't even see i was writing that then one day I remembered looking at this and I saw it And I went, when did that happen? I'm a pretty self-centered individual. Or were we thinking of what we could do for others or what we would do for them? What we could pack into this stream of life. Then it gives you a warning. But we must be careful to not drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. Oh, let me tell you. When you're swallowing and digesting, everybody wants to just go, I can't believe I did that. Get rid of that verbiage. Instead, go, wow, God, I'm really struggling here. Help me see this from a different perspective. Guide me into what you want me to do. And then it says, why? It would diminish our usefulness to others. Not that it would make you feel bad. Don't drift into worry, remorse, morbid reflection because it's going to make you feel bad, but it's not that for we diminish our usefulness to others, wow, this is all about helping others. every bit of it i want to be sure i got page 19 in here oh okay flip over to page 19 says now listen to this when it says um for that would diminish our usefulness to others in the 11th step this is all about helping others not just alcoholics helping all three lines up most of us sense the real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions, our attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very life as an ex-problem drinker depends upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. Okay, now think about that. Over here it's basically saying the jerk in your home group is your guiding light, right? Let's think about the idiot that you work with, okay? These people This isn't a far stretch for you to go to your home group members and think of somebody in there you don't like. Did you have to think hard on that one? So, that particular individual, what we want them to do is go away, right? We just want themto go out of our home group. I can't stand them. They bug the crap out of me. Instead, do the inventory. Take this truly, truly into a piece of work with God and begin to see what it is about that personality that bothers you so bad. Be set free from that personality. Watch the amazing things happen when you affirm fabulous deals. Oh, it's amazing, guys. Don't underestimate the power of prayer and it's not, oh God, help me be nice. We're going deep, guys, deep. We're way past that simple little prayer. I want a conversation with you and the God of your understanding. So now back to, and then it says constant thought of others. Constant, not just every once in a while. So then we go back to where we were. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. Corrective measures means that we are able to correct because you see, I would rather somebody do an evening review than morning prayer and meditation because evening review is keeping your finger on the pulse of your day and your self-centeredness, right? That's what we're constantly watching for. So today if I had an issue, if I'm not careful, I just bring that into tomorrow with no prayer, no observation, no nothing, and I'm just wrecking the bus as we go, right. That's What We're Talking About. Somebody at work that rubs you the wrong way. If you've done no spiritual work the day before, the next time you see them it's just bristling, bristling. Page 86, second paragraph down. Now that is our evening review. When it says we ask God's forgiveness, I really believe it's kind of like a parent and a child. That's the way I view my relationship personally with God. So what I say that you do, you know, if your kids came to you and said, Mom, I'm really sorry I upset you yesterday. I know you were just tired. I'd immediately want to forgive them, right? I'm not holding any grudge here. We have to ask for this forgiveness, for not trusting. How about that one alone? I just don't believe that I trust you at all. Start with your prayer like that. It says on awakening. Now here's something that's really important on awakening I believe that you have to have a designated spot. I don't care if it's sitting on your bed or in a chair but in order for something to be a discipline it's required for you to have to go to it, right? So if you go to something you will find this becomes a better discipline than just laying there when you wake up and opening your eyes and trying to get into it. Now don't get me wrong, if that works for you great. I'm just saying these are some of the things out of my experience that have worked, right and so on awakening don't look at your cell phone don't Look at your computer don't get connected to any electronics. There is something special about that first morning where the mind is just kind of free of thoughts, right? It's just kindof going. Have you ever noticed during prayer and meditation where somebody's name will just go through your mind? George, Mary means call them. God's trying to tell you to call somebody. I can't tell you how many times people have called me and left a message on my machine that says, Katie, you were heavy on my mind this morning during prayer and meditation. I'm just calling to be sure everything's okay. And every time they do it, I'm not doing well. It's unbelievable. Every time. So don't miss this. So no cell phones, no devices. It is very difficult, very, very difficult. Don't think it is easy. And I have what is called insight timer on my phone. I love the music in Insight Timer. I listen to this particular flute music for 21 minutes, and I have to grab my phone, and I Have to make myself plug my headset in and not look at it, hit the Insight timer so that I'm not looking at my text or, you know, who called or anything that's going on because it's very difficult, guys. This is not a simple task. So on awakening, it's going to tell me to let us think about the 24 hours ahead. Have you heard people say that, you Know, the 11th step is all about listening, listening, listening. No it's not. I don't know who read that but that's not the case. There's so many directions. So let us think about our 24 hours ahead right there. So I have, this is how I do it. I have three pads. One pad is about my day and this day I'm going to write all the things that come to mind that I need to get done. Let us think about our day. I got to run by the cleaners. I need to go to the gym. I'd love to go have lunch with my grandson. I need to run by Walgreens. You know what I'm saying? It's the to-do list. Now, this list can be very long. This is what I could do before. I could get everything on that list done, but I am driving like a crazy woman. I am hauling ass and I'm not going to be satisfied until everything's marked off that list. Does that sound familiar? So, okay, that's what I used to do. Now I take that list after my morning stuff is done, I rip that list off, I put it in my car and while I'm going through my day, I look at that list and I'm confused as to what I should do. And that's going to get later in the 11th step where it says we pause when agitated or doubtful, right? Pause, ask, remind and say, I'll make more of a deal of that in a minute. And I asked God, you know what, God, I can definitely get down there to Walgreens, but I'm going to hit traffic, and I'm going to be crazy. And I'll wait about eight seconds, 15 seconds, and God will either tell me do it and forget the other thing on the list or don't do it. You can do it tomorrow. And I just take a deep breath and do it, and what's amazing is sure enough, if he said to go to Walgreens and don't do the third thing on there, right when I walk into Walgrees, there's somebody standing there in the card section, right? You look at him and go, hey, how you doing? They'll look at you and go, okay. And then the next thing you know, if you're not, you know for me at least, they'll go oh my mom just passed away. They're like, oh I'm so sorry to hear that, yeah. I'm telling you God has designed every waking minute who you're sitting next to who was in the line while you were getting your food, who's in the bathroom, what you're hearing in here. He's designed every minute of our life, and we miss it because we pick up our phone or we're preoccupied with thinking. There is so much going on. I'm telling you, so much going on, don't miss this amazing, but you must take your day down to 24 hours. You get past that, you are in trouble, and you got to be reminded, God, help me come back to this is a 24-hour period. Let me take two cleansing breaths. Okay, let me see. Even to pull up to a stoplight, I'll look at the, you know, I will be driving and I will look at the person next to me and smile and you can feel something in that moment. It's fabulous. There is so much more there than we give it. And the next thing, and here is another tip. Oh, and I get all excited about this step. Here is another tips. For any of you guys that are over 50. Between, well really 40, let's start there. 40 to 50 went pretty quick, didn't it? Way quicker than 20 to 30. Okay, so then 40 to 60 goes mock speed. Mock speed. It was like this. Oh my God, I'm 60. That was, holy smokes. So instead of bitching about how fast life passes you by. What if I look at that as, God, I don't want to miss a moment of the back half of my life? I'm so clearly on the back Half of my Life. I mean, I hope, you know, I'm on the Back Nine. I just don't Want to be on the 18th hole right now. You know what I mean? But I mean I'm digging it but I mean that can get me to just slow my day down because I'm not going to look at life is it just it passes you by and it really sucks. You know, getting old sucks. If you have that attitude, oh, I'm sorry. It's really going to be bad. You're not going to see anything good because you got that set of eyes, that set of glasses on, right? So on awakening, let's think about our 24 hours ahead. You got that pad right there. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Isn't it interesting that it doesn't say fear. Please divorce me from self-pity. Why the first thing? Because the alcoholic only sees the glass half empty, never half full. Somebody gives you a raise, you go, yeah, well, it's still not enough. I mean, watch your thinking. It's really like that. Okay. Under these conditions, that state of mind, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all, God gave us brains to use. Now, people love to rest on that and they haven't done any disciplines. Well, you know, God Gave Me a Brain to Use. Like yeah, you hadn't done a discipline in three months. Do not rest on the ground. On that mind at this point, right? This is assuming you've done everything that's required. It says our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. That's what we're looking at. I had a guy in Arizona come up to me and he goes, man, he goes you blew the doors off when you explained that 11th step. He said what I would do every morning, there's a guy I work with and I can't stand this guy and he always wants to get the better work truck so I get up extra early just to beat him into work so I can get the besser work truck and he said this whole thing just changed my perspective. Just let God guide that. See what I mean? Once we start to wake the spirit up. It's unbelievable. Now, this is during our morning prayer and meditation time. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. Should I go all the way to South Austin or can I stay up in North Austin? It looks like the traffic will be heavy around that time. Fair enough? Here we ask God for inspiration, intuitive thought or decision. See, there's no action taken here. These are just thinking. We relax and take it easy. That's during our meditation time, we don't bog ourselves down with confusion. We know that might be a confusing schedule, but that's okay. I'm kind of throwing it out there for God. The right answer will come if our own house is in order. That's a requirement. Your house must be in order page 87. What used to be a hunch or occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. What a promise. Is that your experience? This intuitive thinking is remarkable how available it is. Most of us have never done what's required. Trust me, I hadn't for a long time. Now my, I mean, I am, I just do not miss these disciplines. I love them. Being still and experienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it's not probable that we are gonna be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd thoughts and actions. Oh my God, right there it tells me some mornings prayer and meditation sucks. But you don't not do it. And then for you guys that are about 15 years or under, you're still doing enough prayer and medication till you feel great and get to enlightenment and then you quit doing it. You know what I'm saying? So all of a sudden you're tooling along and my God, I feel so much better than I did a month ago. And dann you stall and you just stop doing the disciplines. See, you will eventually get to a place where you don't do that because the pain is too great, not because you feel so good. You got to get through that. Then it says, and I love we may pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd thoughts and ideas. Oh my God. Wait till you see some of your absurd thoughts and ideas that look like a great idea till you're running past your sponsor. page 87 third paragraph we call this pars pause ask remind and say now we're out in the world right it says as we go through the day we pause when agitated or doubtful those are two things i'm i am way more doubtful than i am agitated now you may still be going through the phase where you're agitated more but you know people always say oh i paused i paused to me when they say that, it sounds like it was self-will pause. And at first you almost have to have self-willed pause. You got to kind of get into the idea of this. But then it becomes a spiritual gift to where you literally have a two second pause right when somebody says something, you hear the undeniable voice of God go, don't say anything. Right? That's the beauty. That's what we're looking for. It comes that quickly. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful. Now this is where we do pause, ask, remind, and say. We ask for the right thought or action. Now we're doing action. Remember in prayer and meditation, it was thought or decision. Now it's thought or reaction. We constantly remind ourselves we're no longer running the show, rats, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, thy will be done. And here's the deal. Pause, ask, remind, and say you would be surprised at what that does for you. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. Incredible. Absolutely incredible. Think about that. Excitement, fear,, anger, worry, self-pitie, or foolish decisions, we become much more efficient. We do not tire so easy for we are no longer burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works, it really does. Now this would be the close of the 11th step but I want to end with these two letters that are absolutely remarkable. Remember the positive prayer I told you guys about and the laws? These are two emails I got. I get hundreds of them, but these guys gave me permission to read these. This is one of them. Katie, I can't begin. This was she was doing the affirmative prayer. I can not begin to tell you what an impact your experience, strength and hope has made on me. We talk about the power of positive affirmative prayer, I shared with you my situation about my youngest son that had been estranged from the family. Just think about that. I guarantee there is someone in this room whose kids are estranged from him. That is a deep wound in your heart. I took your suggestion and prayed each and every morning. This past New Year's Eve, I heard my entire family, two, I had my entire family, 2 sons, 2 daughter-in-laws, 3 grandchildren, and my husband at my dinner table together for a family dinner. This was my exact prayer along with the positive affirmations. I visualized this scene in my head for more than a year. The event that led up to these were all God placed and centered in love. I used the counsel of others and let God take over. We are now a family again, and my husband, granddaughters, and myself are going to Tucson in April for a visit. We were invited. Yes, there is still more work to do, but the door has been opened. See, we don't take this child estranged and assume that we can't do anything about it. Remember the beginning of the 11th step talked about prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly, right? Love letters to God. Oh my gosh, I love to write a love letter to God, I start out with saying my child, and I write all the things I want, because my relationship's like a father-daughter, I write everything I want. All the fabulous things that I'm talking about, and then I write, he writes me back with my child and it's audibly a different voice. And I mean, I can't even begin to tell you how crazy God is about me. It moves me to tears some mornings at the level of love that I have experienced. I didn't know it was available. I just followed directions. This last affirmative prayer is remarkable, okay? I heard your description of positive prayer and wanted to start trying it. It started about two weeks ago. This happened in two weeks. This one happened in a year. This one happens in two years. I was at the point and started doing that in the mornings during my prayer and meditation time. Wait a minute, let me back up. To say my husband's ex-wife and I had a strange relationship would be the understatement of the year. She hated me and had every right to. At 90 days sober, my husband and I got together when they were still married. Little Mr. Brown there, huh? My husband couldn't stay sober, so there were long drawn-out custody fights, screaming arguments, restraining orders. Do you hear this? This is big stuff. Restraining orders, there isn't enough time in the day to describe the hell we have all gone through. She remarried a year after we did, and it's been about five years now since this all started. We live in a very small town, and we are all in AA. So you got that picture. and they i'm so glad you're laughing i was thinking you weren't listening so you are we are all in aa and they have uh refused to be a part of anything we are a part of wouldn't be at the same meetings wouldn't contribute to anything we were involved in etc i started positive prayer two weeks ago praying that we had a healthy relationship we were able to talk about the girls and remember she's saying these prayers but she doesn't believe it or feel it. That's okay. She's doing it. Do understand that. I could share experience with the girls and with her, and we would all work together as a unit to raise the girls. This was her positive prayer. Last Sunday, my husband got a call from his ex-wife asking us to come visit about the girls at their house. We went, and her husband apologized for drawing a line in the sand with us, looking on us as evil and realizing the harm it was doing to everyone, especially the girls. They wanted us to all get together for everyone's sake, especially the girls. Imagine these children between these two families that are acting like kids, right? Hating each other. We planned on getting together once a month for dinner or bowling or some sort of activity so that the girls could see that we are all together in this deal. She and I exchanged emails all last week. She even called me on Sunday and asked if I'd help her put together a little celebration for two women in AA. It absolutely brings me to tears every time I think about it. This has been a huge, huge struggle in my life for the past five years and God wiped it all out in two weeks. The power of God is absolutely mind-blowing. I can't thank you enough. I just needed to share my miracle with you. Please keep doing what you're doing. You're touching countless lives. Lives of little girls who don't even know you are being changed. Thank you. Guys, I can't even begin to tell you there's so flipping much power in this process and my book sat on the shelf for 15 years. I had no idea and it wasn't fast. It was a very slow process but I continued to do it. I believe so strongly in this. Mark Houston was a man who was convincing. I hope I can bring that to you. I hope i can be that convincing to make you not in a week kind of set everything aside but that you would continue to do this process. Thank you so much for having us. Thank you. thanks guys you know what if you don't mind helping clean this place up that's what good aaa members do right oh don't forget about your name tags thank you so much for having us