Making Amends and Avoiding Further Harm – Big Book Workshop – Part 8 of 8 – Joe C.

Thank you. Page 80, let's look here where we go get other people's permission to make amends before we do so. This brings to mind the story about one of our friends. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly hated business rival, giving him no restraint for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used that as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined. He felt that he had done wrong, but he could not possibly make right. If he opened the old affair, he was afraid it would destroy his reputation or his partner. Disgrace his family and take any means of livelihood from him. What right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival? Now you can get permission. He consulted with his wife and partner, and he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his creator guilty of ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would soon start drinking again and would lose all anyhow. He attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. His action was met by widespread approval and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years ago. See, I think what we've got to remember is we're doing this stuff. In fact, all the way through our steps. We people who have always been selfish and self-centered and self directed before coming to AA, we've never returned to others for advice. We've never listened to anybody. We've ever depended upon other people. But now then when we're in the program and we're trying to work these steps and we are trying to make our contact with God as we understand Him, I think we've got to remember all the way through these steps, we're not alone anymore. We've got other people in AA to help us and support us. And God's with us through each one of these things. Every one of These Action Steps has some prayer in it. Realizing we just can't do these things for ourselves. And it doesn't make any difference how afraid we are or how much we're worried about the outcome if we're willing to do these thing. God's going to make it possible to do so. And almost invariably it comes out okay. Page 80 and 81 deals with sex outside of marriage. What are we going to do about that kind of stuff? It really doesn't make any sense for us to go to our spouses and lay out blow by blow every sexual escapade that went on out there. You know, we're not married to a bunch of dummies. If we've been out there fooling around, they know it. And if we start naming names in particular instances, we're just going to make it that much worse and hurt them that much further. Besides that, sometimes if we name names the spouse may go out and get even with some other people too and we might end up hurting several people. About all I could really do is go to my wife and say look, you know what I was doing and I know what i was doing and i know i've hurt you in those areas i'm sorry about doing it i ask your forgiveness and with God's help from this day on, I'm going to try to be the kind of husband I should have been in the first place. And then start living the kind of life that I ought to live. That's the only amens I could make to my children. I just had to go with my children and tell them the same thing with God's help. I'm gonna try to Be the Kind of Father I Should Have Been in the First Place. And usually over a period of time they will accept that. But we certainly don't need to be naming names and maybe hurt other people. page 83 third paragraph there may be some wrongs we can never fully right and some of those people we owe amends to they're already dead and buried or some of them if we made the amends it would hurt them further or just as importantly it may hurt some other people too and we don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would write them if we could some people cannot be seen we send them an honest letter there may be a valid reason for postponing in some cases but we don't delay if it can be avoided we should be sensible tactful considerate and humble without being servile or scraping as god's people we stand on our feet we don'T crawl before anyone we're going to make our amends hopefully they'll accept it. If they don't, there's not a thing we can do about that. We simply leave, stand ready to make it again later if the opportunity arrives, but we don't have to crawl before anyone. One of the mistakes I see people making is we go to them to make an amend, they won't accept it, and we literally beg them to do so. And we keep going back and back and begging them to forgive. We don't need to do that. Let's make our amends the best we can. Let's stand on our own two feet and let's get on with our business. Joe? After that mobile home incident I told you about yesterday where my wife embarrassed me in front of my girlfriend, filed for divorce and all that stuff, well, sometime later, I don't know how long, it was quite a while, but I got sober. And then I made amends with Phyllis. She used to just hang up the phone. And anyhow, long story short Two and a half years later She got sober now Called synonymous Nine years after this I'm standing in the back of the room One night Greeting people as they come in And I turn around Here's the lady Of the mobile home incident Phyllis was at the coffee pot It all happened that quick Some of the guys said Well what did PhyllIS say? I said well she didn't say anything For about a week And one night we were going to another meeting and this lady was there and then Phyllis began to talk ugly to me. They'll do that, you know. And then we go to another meeting, here's that lady, she began to talk ugly to be again. And she began to make me pay the price again. And after a couple of weeks, we were able to talk about this and finally I told her, I said, Phyll??, I've said you know I've already paid a hell of a price for this deal. Financially, emotionally mentally spiritually every way you can possibly pay i have already paid and i told you when we got back together i wouldn't do those things anymore and you know that i haven't i mean they know believe me they know one day no we know don't we god yeah we know and i said you know i haven't okay and i say you've got a real problem with that lady and i don't and i suggest that you We'll get that straightened out. I said, it's kind of like last month's electric bill. I paid it and I'm not paying no more. I'm through paying. They'll let you pay forever if you'll pay. After you've done all you can possibly do to make amends, then one day you got to quit paying. Men and women got to quick paying. Otherwise, I've seen some sick eyes here this weekend And we'll have those sick eyes for a long, long time if we continue to pay. The guilt, shame and remorse will eat you alive and they'll let you eat yourself alive unless you quit paying. That's what I'm trying to say. What did Phyllis finally do about that need? Oh yeah, she went to this lady. I better tell this. I used to not tell it. But she went zu that lady and invited her out to lunch. And they went to lunch I don't know everything that was said, but this was the gist of it. She told that lady that AA is big enough for the two of them, no doubt, but our group wasn't. And they got it all straightened out, and we haven't had any problems with that since. By the way, Phyllis has been sober 26 years, and I can tell you she's quite a gal. Okay, we want to look at another little picture now before we go any further. Would somebody volunteer to stick that over there? we talked before about we human beings being tri-dimensional creatures the book told us way back there at the beginning of step four we were spiritually ill we were mentally ill and we were physically ill and it said when the spiritual malady is overcome we then straighten out mentally and physically we read in the big book it says in one place that this is a design for living that really works. And it looks to me like these first nine steps that we've talked about up to this point are designed to put us back together in all three dimensions of life. For instance, step one, two, and three. They get us right with the Spirit because we are powerless. We saw the need for the power. and in step three we made a decision to go after that power. We decided to let God be the director. And that's the first time we've had that relationship with God in a long, long, Long Time. So one, two, and three gets us right with God. That removes just enough self-will from us to let us start looking with our own minds to see what our problems really are. and as we looked into our own lines and we found the damaged stock in trade the resentments, the fear the guilt, the remorse the selfishness the dishonesty, the self-seeking fright and the inconsideration for the first time in our lives we began to see that we're the problem not them us we talked about it to another human being to make sure we were right and we went to steps 6 and 7 and we begin to work on those character defects. And we start getting right up here in our head through 4, 5, 6, and 7. That removes just enough self-will to let us start looking at 8 and 9. In 8 and 8, we made our list. We made our amends wherever possible. Except when to do so would injure them or others. And slowly the guilt, the remorse begins to disappear. and our relationship with the world and everybody in it becomes better and better. For a long time I thought the physical dimension was just my body. No, the physical dimension is everything in the world. Now we alcoholics don't really have much choice in this. If God dwells within each of us we're going to have to live with God whether we like it or not. The only question is do we live with God in harmony or disharmony. And I don't know if anybody got in more disharminy with God than we alcoholics have. We've got a mind up here. We're going to have to live with our mind. Sometimes we act like we don't, but we do. And the only question is do we live there in harmony or dish Harmony? I don' t know of anybody in the world that ever got in any more disharmony with their own minds than we alcoholic's have. We don't have any place else to live except here on earth with our fellow man. and the only question is if we live here on earth in harmony or disharmony I don't know of any group of people that got in more disharminy with the world and everything in it than we alcoholics had so we were sick in all three areas 1, 2, and 3 got us right with God 4, 5, 6, and 7 got us write with ourselves 8 and 9 got us to write with our fellow man and you know if you're right with god and you're write with yourself and you're right with your fellow man, you're probably going to feel pretty good. That's the first time we've been that way in our entire lifetime, or at least since we were little bitty children. And I don't think it's by accident that the promises on page 83 and 84 come after we have followed this design for living for a while. If we're right, we've got ourselves in a fellow human being. Let's see how we're going to feel as the result of the first nine steps. Let's look at the promises. When I come into our cause anonymous, I was restless and irritable and discontented and full of guilt, shame and remorse, resentment and anger. That's what I was. I had the spiritual knowledge of a 7- or 8-year-old boy and had the coping skills of an 8- or 9- or 10-year old boy and a sexual knowledge of an 12- or 13-yearold boy that I learned off the streets from people that didn't know any better than I did. Dr. Jung said ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were the guiding force of the lives of people. And those were the guided forces of the life of me. And I've worked the 12 steps or these 9 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have received some promises in my life. I have some new ideas, emotions, and attitudes as a result of the first 9 steps. And here's what they are. He said we're painstaking about this phase of our development. We'll be amazed before we're halfway through. Which phase of your life is the phase of development? Well, the amends phase. We're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we've gone, we'll see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They're being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly. Spiritual experience. Sometimes slowly. Spiritual awakening. They will always materialize if we work for them. Work for them, you know. I love these promises. I love the experience of these promises that I have in my mind. Well, that's where the changes was. They talked about being reborn, not in my body, but in my mind. And if I've experienced these steps into my mind, then I am a different person. I am not what I used to be, thank God. You know, we come here restless, irritable, and discontented. We come here filled with shame, fear, guilt, remorse, and et cetera. We came here with a bunch of old ideas and old attitudes. And Dr. Silkworth or Dr. Yoon said, if we can have that spiritual experience. Those old ideas, those old attitudes, those old emotions are cast aside. Now surely, if we've gone from the state we were when we got here to the state of one who's received these promises in our mind and they all deal with the mind, then surely we'll have undergone a radical change in our personality. We probably had a spiritual awakening, a spiritual experience if we've received His promises. Now, I'm going to read them again. And I want to do it for two reasons. Number one, I love the way I read them. But number two, I am going to add some words to them. And let's see if you can identify with me. The words I am gonna add to them is referring to a time when I was young when I could drink alcohol be Fred Astaire on the dance floor the world's greatest lover in the backseat of a 36 Chevrolet. Referring to a time before alcohol turned against me and literally destroyed me, this is the way I used to feel when I drank. Whenever I took a drink of alcohol, I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. Whenever I take a drink of alcohol I did not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. Whenever I would drink of alcohol I would comprehend the word serenity and I would know peace. Whenever I took a drink of alcohol, no matter how far down the scale I had gone, I could see where my experience would benefit others. Whenever I take a drink of alcohol that feeling of uselessness and self-pity would disappear. Whenever I drink a drink of alcohol I would lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in my fellows. Whenever I took a break of alcohol self-seeking would slip away. Whenever I took a drinking of alcohol my whole attitude and outlook upon life would change. Whenever I took a drink of alcohol, fear of people and of economic insecurity would leave me. Whenever i took a drink of alcohol, I would intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me. Whenever I took a drink of alcohol, I would suddenly realize that alcohol was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Now think about that. My God, no wonder I love to drink. When you find something that will do that for you. It's one of the greatest things you can find in the world. And alcohol was my friend. And alcohol did these things for me for a long, long time. But then due to the progression of the illness, one day alcohol started doing to me the things that I was always afraid would happen. And I began to get in serious, serious difficulty. And I was a very confused individual, not knowing what was going on and not knowing that I progressed into alcoholism I spent the last five or six years of my drinking desperately trying to capture these good feelings back from alcohol not knowing I would never be able to do that and I down there destroyed me in the process I came to AA you gave me a book I read the book I applied the first nine steps in my life to the best of my ability. And one day I woke up with these promises in my mind. That's why I don't drink today. If I hadn't have found these promises, these good things that alcohol used to give me, if I hadn' t have found them, I'd still be searching for them. I'd be out there trying to use alcohol or something else or I'd die. I'd have been dead one of the two. The only reason I don' t drink is I don''t need to drink. I've got everything good that alcohol ever gave me from the first nine steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's the miracle of Alcoholic Anonymous, and I suddenly realized also that so far I have never received the bad things from the first nine sets that I finally received from alcohol. I've never been placed in jail because of the first nine steps never been drugged to a divorce court because of the first nine steps nobody's ever beat the hell out of me because of the first nine steps you see that's why people like me we don't drink we've got all the good and none of the bad from the first nine steps of Alcoholics Anonymous now surely if we receive those in our minds and we've had a spiritual awakening slow or a spiritual experience fast, a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism. Now if that's true then what's the purpose of the last three steps? A lot of people will tell us that the last 3 steps are maintenance steps. I will agree that the next 3 steps are certainly going to help us stay sober. But the word maintenance itself is a misnomer. To maintain something means to keep it as is. and another law applies in our universe that nothing ever stays as is. Everything in our universe is in a constant state of change. It's either growing or it's dying, it's progressing or it's regressing. If I tried to stop here with these promises in my mind and maintain just that, then after a while I start stepping back and I start losing some promises and I started having trouble with people and then start having trouble with me, and then I start having trouble with God. And the next thing you know, I'm drunk all over again. Bill, twice in the big book, talks about a fourth dimension of existence. Far, far beyond the normal three. The fourth dimension that we never dreamed existed. And we believe the purpose of the last three steps is to continue our growth into a new dimension of living. Oh, we've made a tremendous amount of spiritual growth through the first nine steps. But if we try to stop there, we're probably going to lose it. Let's look at the last three steps now for just a little bit. And let's see if we can't see the growth factor rather than just the maintenance factor in the last few steps. Joe? One thing we did as a fellowship is we took these steps out of the book and we put them on these little cards and we'd put them up on the walls in the meetings. I like them on the cards and not on the balls. Nothing against that. The only one thing wrong with all that is that we left instructions on how to work the steps in the book. And people come in today, and they want to work their steps off the wall with no instructions. And somehow in our area, I don't know about here. I'd rather think I do. But step 10 says continue to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admit it. And at face value said that we continued to take a little inventory, And if we were wrong, we promptly admitted it. Then we were doing the intent of step 10. And somehow or other, we got the idea that you do that step 10 at night. When you go to bed. In bed. And Charlie and I have discussed this in great detail. We don't get in trouble at night in bed much anymore. I keep telling him to speak for himself. Right. Right. what we need is a daytime walking around step that's what we need and step 10 is more a lot more than just admitting we were wrong and promptly admitting it let's see if it's a lot more than that he said this thought brings us to step 10 which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past we have entered the world of the spirit We've had a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening. We've entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow. To grow, not maintain, not stay where we are, but to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Now this is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. What step did we use to look at that in the first place? Anybody remember? Step four. Step four, okay. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. What steps did we used there? Six and seven. Six and 7, okay. We discuss them with someone immediately. What step was that? Five. Five. And make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. What steps did we use there? Eight and nine. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. Now it looks to me like if we work step 10 the way the big book says to work it, we're going to be doing steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 every day for the rest of our lives. Now that's where the growth came from in the first place. There wasn't any growth in one and two. There wasn'T any real growth in three. It was just a decision. The growth started with step forward. Now, those growth steps that gave us the promises, if we continue to apply them in our daily life, then we're going to continue to grow also. I would defy anybody in this room to do step 10 the way the big book says to do it and stay the way you are. You absolutely cannot do that. You know, I've got that inventory sheet right up here in my head. all four of them, I can see them up here just as plain as day. And when I get screwed up about 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning, if I wait until I go to bed at night to do something about that, by 11 o' clock I'll cuss somebody out. By 12 o' clock two or three people have cussed me out. And my bedtime on the basket case. What I have finally learned to do is this. I get screwed upset at 10 o' clock. I finally learn to say, okay Charlie, Get over in the corner here now by yourself and get away from these people. And let's take a look at this situation and see what's going on. I say, who are you mad at? What did they do to you? Which part of self is affected? What did you do, if anything, to set it in motion? Which character defect has come back to the surface? I cannot get upset unless one of those character defects in column 5 has come back to the surface i spot it immediately i turn right around i ask god to take it away i say god you know i don't want to be this way please take away this fear or this selfishness or this inconsideration whatever it is discuss it with somebody else as soon as i can preferably my sponsor make amends quickly if i've harmed someone in a matter of few minutes it's gone and the rest of the day is okay i've wasted about all the days i want to waste in resentment and fear and anger and worry and etc i love to feel good i want to feel every moment that i can every day for the rest of my life this is the way we can do this we don't have to waste any more time notice the words that he uses He said, continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. He didn't say we ask Him after we go to bed at night. He said at once. We discuss them with someone immediately. He didn'T say four hours later. As soon as we possibly can. And make amends quickly if we've harmed someone. And we can get that out of our head, go on about our business, and the rest of the day is okay. I defy anybody to do step 10 the way the big book says to do it and stay the way you are. You absolutely cannot do that. Now be careful now. This step is just like step 6 and 7. If you buy into this idea, that means from now on you are responsible for the way you feel, for the ways you act and for the things that you do. If I'm running around full of resentment, it's not their fault. It's mine. If I're running around for fear and not enjoying today, it is not their fault. It is mine because I have a way here to get rid of that almost immediately. And it is time for us to start taking responsibility for our own feelings, for our emotions, for our behavior. And this is what we learned to do through step six, seven, and now step ten. You see, we didn't have to take a perfect inventory in step four because we're going to be using this step every day for the rest of our lives. We learn more and more about ourselves. We learn ? and more ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, OURSELVES, AND OTHERE HUMAN BEINGS BECOME BETTER AND BETTER. I'm glad I learned one thing, a lot of things, but especially I'm Glad I Learned It's My Fault, Not Theirs. Because what if it was their fault? There's not a thing in the world I could do about it. And they wouldn't probably help me at all. It is my fault and there is something I can do about that, which is work these steps. More promises though. He said we cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. Remember in step one says that we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. Step two was a solution. came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity well we get our sanity back on page eighty four for by this time sanity will have returned and when our sanity has returned let's see what happens then We'll be seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recall from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally. We'll find that this happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor had been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither are avoiding temptation. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We're about to get sworn off. I've never quit drinking. No. I just don't drink one day at a time. I've ever sworn off Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We're neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. And remember back on page 45, it said that the main object of this book was to enable me to find a power greater than myself which would solve my problem. It didn't say it would help me solve my problems. Find the power and the power will solve the problem. And I looked up one day and I used to have a terrible obsession to drink. Those times that I didn't drink, I'd be thumbing through a magazine and I'd see a bottle of liquor in one of those magazines. My mouth would water just looking at it. Not even drinking, just looking at it, Charlie said I slobbered a lot. But you know, after working these steps up to this point, I realized after some months of working these tests, I looked up one day and it was gone. That obsession to drink was gone, that's the miracle of it. It was just gone. So somewhere between 45 and 85 I got my sanity back, you see. And the problem has just been me moved. It's not there. Now, if you received all those promises on 83 and 84, if you receive these promises on 84 and 85, you're probably going to feel real good. You know, if your lucky, you might be back in the house by now. If you're real lucky, you'll be back In the bedroom. Yeah. Sleeping on the couch. The kids are speaking to you now. The dogs quit biting you when you come in the door. Probably got a job now, and maybe even got an automobile. And things really start getting good. And all these things start becoming important to us. We haven't had them for a long time, and they start becoming real important to it. And if we aren't careful, things will start competing with us for our sobriety. And if ?? aren't carefu?, we'll start putting too much emphasis on things You start forgetting about sobriety And the next thing you know We're right back in trouble again Let's look at the next paragraph We had this friend of ours, Charlie and I His name was, I won't give his name right now But he was over 29 years Now I call it synonymous And he got real busy The last 10 years of his sobriete Got real busy making a lot of money He was just too busy to go to AA Just got too busy And I heard through his daughter That he got drunk And she wanted me to call him And I called him up And I asked him I said, what happened? He said, well, I got awful busy. My career took off and I was just too busy to go to AA. I quit asking for help after a while. I quit helping other people after a While. And he said one day, just out of the clear blue sky, seemingly without me not even thinking about it, it just seemed like a good idea to take a drink. And I took a drink, and I'm fighting like hell, he said, to get back to Alcoholics Anonymous. He said I don't know if I'm going to make it. Then he may not. He may not, right? It's because we got here once. That don't mean we can get here again. Now, it's easy to let up on this spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. See, the only way we can coast in AA is downhill. You can't coast too far uphill. So we're headed for trouble if we do. For alcohol is a subtle foe. We're not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. There's the word maintenance referring to one day at a time. A daily reprieve. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God with will into all of our activities. How can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. And these are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It's the proper use of the will. See, God had never gave us anything that was bad. And all weekend we've been talking that willpower was of no avail, no help to us at all. But God did give us anything it was bad there is a proper use to the will And now we've got our sanity back on page 84 We get our willpower back on Page 85 Be hell to be running around with no sanity With willpower You know, we know about that And here's what he says How can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done These are thoughts which must go with us constantly We can exercise our will power Along this line All we wish It's the proper use of the will He never gave us anything bad All we should do is how we use or misuse it Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction, not suggestion, from him who has all knowledge and power. Listen real carefully to the explanation of this paragraph. If we carefully follow directions, not suggestions, we have begun to sense the flow of his Spirit into us. To some extent, we become God-conscious. We have begun a development of our consciousness. We have developed this vital sixth sense. But we must go further, and that means more action. And here it's referring to this God consciousness, the flow of His Spirit into us, as a vital sixth sense. You know, everything I know on a conscious level, I've learned through five senses of direction. I can see, I can smell, I kann taste, I kan touch, and I kann hear. everything I've learned on a conscious level I've learnt through those five senses of direction now you can take everything that I know and everything that Joe knows and everything that all you guys know and everything that every human being on earth knows add it all together and it's just a tiny tiny speck of knowledge compared to the knowledge of the universe now if God has all knowledge and all power. And I believe he does, my book says so. And if God dwells within me and I believe he does my book say so then that means you and I have within ourselves all the knowledge and all the power that we could ever need to handle any conceivable situation which might come up in the future providing we know how to tap into that knowledge and that power that sixth sense of direction and again this is not anything new, the world has always known how you do this you tap into that God consciousness within that sixth Sense of Direction through prayer and meditation nothing new, people have been doing it forever and we get to say hey most of us are bankrupt in those areas I knew nothing about meditation Well, I assumed it was chanting certain words or lying down and listening to soft music or clearing your mind of all thought. I don't know about you guys, but I know about me, I can't clear my mind of All Thought. When I get up in the morning, that sucker turns on and he runs all day. I've never been able to stop it completely. I knew nothing about prayer. Even being raised in church as a kid growing up, I knew everything about prayer I only knew two prayers. One went like this, and I'm sure some of you might have used it. It said, Now lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray to the Lord my soul will take. I don't like that prayer anymore. It's dealing with death, and I'm not into that at all. The other prayer that I use quite often, and I am sure that some of you use this one. God, if you'll get me out of this damn mess, I swear I'll never do this again. Now then, I'm going to have to develop a life of prayer and meditation. It would seem to be almost an impossible thing for people like us to do that. Thank God Bill Wilson was a real alcoholic. Thank God he knew how I was going to feel when I got here. Thank God, Bill Wilson didn't know anything about prayer and medication either. You know, most people that are really knowledgeable in that area, when they write about prayer or meditation, and they write so far above my head that I can't understand what they've written. Bill couldn't do that because Bill didn't know anything about it either. But what he did do in his usual manner is sit down and give us some very definite and valuable suggestions paragraph by paragraph by paragraphe that if we will follow them we'll develop our own life of prayer and meditation individually just for us. Amazing. Bottom of page 85, it says, Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter and I think Bill's saying, God, I really wish I didn't have to do this. Yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. Now then, here's where he tells us what to do when we retire at night. And the next paragraph tells us what to doing when we get up in the morning. And the second paragraph and the next paragraph tells us what to do when we face indecision. And over on page 87 at the bottom of the page it tells us what we do when we go through the day when we're agitated and doubtful. That covers just about the 24-hour period. Let's look at this first thing. Let's see if we can't see the action steps again. Step four through nine. When we retire at Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? There's step four again. Do we owe an apology? There's steps eight and nine again. Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? There's Step 5 again. Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or were we thinking what we could do for others, of what we would pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. And there are steps 6 and 7 again. So if we do step 11 the way the book says, in an inventory process when we go to bed at night, we're going to be working 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 again on a daily basis. Then you can't continue to work those steps and stay the way you are. We've got one more little picture we're gonna look at we've made up a little sheet just uh you could use anything you want but that this is a little inventory sheet that we have seen and got it from somewhere i don't really know where that we could use when we go to bed at night if you'll notice on the left hand side of that is the personality characteristics of a self-willed human being there's that old selfish and self-seeking and dishonesty and frighten and on and on and on. We went to the 12 and 12, we picked up all the character defect things we could find there. Listed them on the left hand side of the sheet. The right hand side of the seat, we put the personality characteristics of a Godwell person and they are the opposite of what's on the right hand side. Now all we're trying to do is get from the left hand side of the sheep to the right side of sheep. And I can take this little inventory at night in less than five minutes, run down through it making check marks, and see where I've been that day. I've never yet found the check marks in the same place. From day to day they change. I'm never yet find them all entirely on one side of the sheet. But what I am now finding over a period of years, I'm checking more on the right than I am on the left. The personality change continues through a simple little inventory. Now I've learned one thing since I've been in AA. I am going to inventory. I'm going to inventory. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it. Now I can wait till I'm so sick and so screwed up that I'm almost drunk and I start inventorying and digging me out from under that mess or I can do it on a daily basis and stay in reasonably good, fit spiritual condition. I found out that it takes less time to do it on a daily basis than it does to wait until I'm almost drunk and start digging myself out from under it. Plus, if I do it on a daily basis, I'm in much less chance of ending up drunk over this mess. I'm going to inventory one way or the other, and I'm the only one who can make the choice. There was a philosopher called Carl Sandburg and Mr. Sandberg said when a society fails there's one thing always present and that is that they forgot where they came from and when they forget where they come from they forget where they're going and they get lost out there somewhere and we as individuals are the same way and if we don't continue our inventory we're going to forget where we came from and we're gonna forget that we can't drink. And we're going to get lost out there and we're growing right back to alcoholism again. I don't think we've got any choice in the matter. It's just a question of when are we going to do it? We don't always like to do this. But I find for me it's absolutely necessary. On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. He did not say three hours after we get up. He did not say, after we've gone to the bathroom. He says, on awakening. You see how he uses these words in the book? On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorce and self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance. For after all, God gave us brains to use. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. It takes me about five minutes or less in the morning to do this. And I ask God to direct my thinking that it may free from self-pity, dishonest and self-seeking motives to give me the wisdom and the strength to go through the day and I'll finish it up by saying, please God, don't let me get into anything that you can't get me out of. Most of us, before we started doing this as a habit, most of us jump up first thing in the morning and go to the bathroom. And I had one guy tell me he jumped up and got on his treadmill. And I said, well, you've got a better bladder than I do because I can't do that. I go to bathrooms. and we take care of what we do in the bathroom. And then we go to the kitchen and we get some coffee and a little food and we feed the body. When we get through feeding the body, we then go into the closet where the clothes are and we start picking out the clothes we're going to wear for that day to cover the body with. Make sure they match now. You've got to be very careful that they're the right color, they match and everything. You ladies go over there and start making up your faces. we men go in there and shave or whatever it is we do and finally we keep the body taken care of then we feed the dog or the cat if we've got one and we get ready to leave the house and we be sure we lock the door because we don't want anybody stealing our junk while we're gone and we go out to the car and if we're especially careful people we walk around it to make sure all four tires have got air in them We get in the car, we turn on the switch, and we look at the gas gauge to make sure there's gas in it. And we start the car and then we take off for the day. Now what did we do about our minds that morning? Our mind is going to run a whole show all day long. Did we feed the mind? Did we clothe the mind Are we sure there is gas in the mind ? You know, we are in much less danger of anger and worry and fear and depression and et cetera, if we just take a few minutes in the morning to feed the mind with God's help, five minutes at night, five minutes in the morning, you've still got 23 hours and 50 minutes to screw it up. But don't take very long to do this. Now, how about indecision? Quite often throughout the day, we're going to face things we don't know the answer to. What are we going to do about that? In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We're not able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration for an intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers will come if we try this for a while. This is meditation. That's the only meditation in here, that one little paragraph. This is medication for busy, busy, busy people. We alcoholics don't have time to lay down and listen to soft music. We don't have time to sit around and chant words. But what we can do in the daytime, throughout the day, we face indecision. Used to. I'd run that thing through my mind trying to find an answer and it'd pop out the other side and it would say, we don't Have The Answer. And I'd grab it and stick it back in there again. And it'd run through and it said, we don'T Have The AnsWer. And I stick it in there Again and after a while everything just goes blank. Complete frustration. and I need to face the fact that I don't have the answer to that particular thing, whatever it is. God's got the answer to everything. What I need do when I face any decision, can't decide which way to go, what route to take or whatever it might be, is just stop. Say, okay, God, I need a little help here. I've got a decision to make regarding this thing. I don' t have the answers for it. Would you tell me what I need? Then I'll relax and take it easy and I don''t think that means lay down. I think what it means is get my mind off of that subject because God can't get in there and give me information if my mind is still wrestling with it. Now, how do I get my wind off of it? Well, I go out there and start mowing the grass. Start doing something worthwhile. Start painting the house, washing the dishes or whatever I've got to do that I can do. And it's amazing. After a while, my mind goes back to that indecision And it says, why don't you call Joe and see what Joe thinks? And I call old Joe, tell him my problem, and he's got the answer right there. Now when I first started doing this, I used to say, well, I wasn't that lucky that I thought about calling Joe. Yeah, I didn't think about calling Joel before I asked God for the right thought. This thing really does, it's the craziest thing I ever saw. But it really does work. Giving God an opportunity to enter our minds, give us the answer, to whatever the problem might be as long as we're wrestling with it and struggling with it we can't receive the answer meditation so what used to be the hunch of occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind you teach yourself it gradually becomes a working power of the mine being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with god is not probable that we're going to be inspired at all times we might pay for this presumption and all sorts of absurd actions and ideas Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. I know one day I was driving along, and for some reason my radio got on one of those religious channels that played music, you know. And I heard this song that I've heard all of my life, and it's called In the Garden. Do you all know what In the garden is? You come to the garden alone in the morning when the dew's on the roses. And the thought came to me, well, I've heard that song all my life. And it's a song about prayer and meditation in the morning while the dew is on the roses. Yeah, I didn't know that. It's an inspiration that came to be. And then it talks about prayer. What usually concludes the period of meditation with a prayer? That we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will and careful to make no requests for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves However others will be helped We're careful never to pray For our own self as ends Many of us have wasted A lot of time during that It doesn't work You can easily see why I told you how I used to pray God give me this God give my wife back God help me stay sober Like an errand boy And if there's something I forgot to ask you for Please give me that also Very, very selfish prayer That's not You can easily see why that doesn't work It's a selfish prayer I'm praying only for the knowledge of his will For me and the power to carry that out You know communication is the beginning Of all understanding For instance Friday night when we started This thing you guys didn't know us real well We started talking And listening to each other Talking and listening Communication is the begining Of all understandings You know us better today than you did on Friday. And we know you better today than we did on Saturday through talking and listening. Well, if that would work with us, wouldn't that work with God? Talking and listening, prayer and meditation, we would get to know Him better as a result of talking and listening. They came to me and they said, Charlie, you pray only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. And I said, well, how in the hell is He going to know what I want then? And they said, he's not interested in what you want. He's interested in what you need. And they said, He knows more about what you need than you know yourself. And that's turned out to be 100% true in my life. My father made a list way back in the beginning and said, God give me these things, I'll never ask you for anything else. I would have cheated myself. He's given me so much more things that i never dreamed that you could have simply by following these little suggestions that we got here in step 11 this thing really does work you know i've got my wife back and got my daughter back and i've Got three grandchildren that's never seen me take a drink or fellas got a couple of great-grandchildrens probably will never see us take a drink I hope the things that are really important I got back he says if our circumstances weren't We ask our wives to join us in morning meditation. About 17 years ago one morning, Phyllis was sitting in her chair and I'm sitting in my chair and she said to me, honey, I said no, I don't have time for that this morning. Well, you know how they are. I said, honey. She said, no, you old silly thing. She said what I want you to do is to read this to me and tell me what this means. Well, I can do that. Yeah, right, we can do That. So I read that to her and explained it to her, a lot more than she wanted to know. And the next morning she said, would you read this to me and tell me what this says? And we read that, and I explained it for her, and we talked about it back and forth. And that began a practice in our house. I've heard all my life those people that pray together stay together. And I would have never thought about this. You girls would have to help us old hairy-legged boys in my precinct. But the people that prayed together stayed together. How long has it been since you and Phyllis have had a divorce? We've been married for 25 years this time. Okay. I call her my current wife. Let's keep her on her toes, you know, just a little bit. Bottom of page 87. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show. Humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, Thy will be done. We are then in... of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions, we become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. Now here's the shortest paragraph in the big book. It works. It really does. That's a full paragraph within itself. We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in the simple way we've just outlined. But this is not all. There's action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12. Now, we're not going to go through the next chapter. It simply would take too much time. But let's look at step 12 for just a few minutes. Another definite three-part step. Three distinct parts in it. And I think the first part of step 12 is probably the greatest promise to be found anywhere in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Not a result, or not many results, very singular. Having had it's spiritual awakening as the results of these things. I think what that says to me is if I will apply the first 11 steps in my life to the best of my ability, then I'm going to have a spiritual awakening. I'm promised that. Now, what is a spiritual awakening? A personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism. I'm not what I used to be. I'm an entirely different human being up here in my head. Bill tells us in the 12 and 12, there's many kinds of spiritual awakenings. There are people in AA, but they've all got certain things in common, and that is we're able to feel, believe, and do things that we can never do before on our own strength unaided. I feel things I've never felt before. I feel love, patience, tolerance, compassion, and goodwill toward my fellow man. Before AA, I could have cared less about you. Oh yeah, you could have some, but only after I extracted everything I wanted first. I don't feel that way anymore. I believe things I never believed before. I believe God is a kind and loving God. I don' t think He's hellfire and damnation at all. I think he stands ready to help any human being on earth the instant they're ready to give up on self-will and turn back to him. I think it's pure, pure love. I can do things I never could do before. I go, I stay sober. I never couldn't do that before. And because of that sobriety, I'm allowed to do many, many, very, very many things that I've always wanted to do and never could have done before. I can sit here and talk for another 30 minutes on the things I've been allowed to do that I never could do before. So if that's the criteria, then surely I've had some kind of spiritual awakening. But the old adage, the old saying, is you don't get anything for free. You have to pay back for what you receive. Now begins to apply in our lives. Because if we've had the spiritual awakening as the result of the first 11 steps, and we're charged with a responsibility. And the responsibility is to carry this message. I hear people say the message. No, it's not the message, it's this message to other alcoholics. Now what is this message? It's very simple. It goes kind of like this. If you're all screwed up in life and you don't feel good, if you've been doing a little drinking or even thinking about doing a Little Drinking, I know exactly where you're coming from. because that's where I came from too. I came to the program of our fellowship with Alcoholics Anonymous and they handed me a book and within that book I found the program of AlcoholicsAnonymous. I applied the first 11 steps in my life to the best of my ability. I've had a spiritual awakening and I'm not that way anymore. And if you don't want to be that way anymore, then you do what I did and you'll have a spiritual awakening too. And you're not going to be that way any more either. And through the process, I'll take you by the hand. I'll walk with you. I'll help you. I'll see you have your spiritual awakening. Greatest thing that can happen in our lives. You know, I think we are very unique people. God's always told the world to be happy. You only have to do two things. He said, put no other gods before me. Now that could be idols, money, power, prestige, sex, or anything else. And do what you can for your fellow man. And he said, I'll see that you're happy. I think you and I have some very unique knowledge that can be used to avert death in countless thousands and thousands of people. Most people don't get this opportunity. And as I look back through the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I see what happened with Dr. Silkworth and Dr. Young and Roland Hazard and Evie Thatcher, with Bill Wilson and Dr., Bob and all the first 100, I am absolutely convinced that God got tired of seeing people like us die. And I think he picked those people out. He's always worked with people through people. Very seldom does he speak to one of us direct. At least he hasn't to me. Somebody else might have his phone number, but I don't have it. I think he picked them out and put this together so people like you and I could have it today. Now all those people are dead, every one of them. If he picked the men, then surely he's picking them today too. There's not an alcoholic in this room that ought to be here. Every one of this ought to beat me up. Some of us do three or four times. And we used to say, my, my. Wasn't I lucky last night? Luck don't have anything to do with it. God picked you up. He let you suffer your alcoholism so you would know what he wants you to know. And when he got ready to use you, he removed the obsession to drink. We had nothing to do with that. God removed the obsession to drank. Now the only question is, what are you going to do with it? If we don't carry this message to other alcoholics. This message in this book to other alcoholics, if we don't tell them then who's going to? That's our job. That's our responsibility. And that's the only message that Alcoholics Anonymous has got. You know, some of us get to thinking we're healers. Some of us get to thinking we're marital advisors, economic advisors. I don't know any people in the world that screwed it up worse than we did. We don't know anything about those things but I'll tell you what we do now. We know more about alcoholism than anybody alive because we have experienced it. We know More About Recovery from Alcoholism Than Anybody Alive because we're the only people that's done it. And we have the opportunity to avert death in thousands and thousands of our fellow alcoholics. This chapter, Working With Others, tells you how to do that. A lot of people like to say, well, this chapter is no longer appropriate today. because times have changed, and people have changed. And I keep saying that in truth. Alcoholics have never changed. They've never changed If we follow this little chapter, working with others, it tells us just exactly how to 12-step, tells us how to talk to the alcoholic, tells us How to work with them and sponsor them so they can recover also. A lot of people say, Well, Charlie, I'm afraid to do this. I'm worried I'll hurt somebody. My sponsor said, Charlie you can't hurt them. He said, hell, they're going to die anyhow. He said there's nothing you can do to them to hurt them. And he started me doing this a long, long time ago. It really does work. The final thing I have to do, if I could quit crying long enough, I'd do it. The final things I have do in step 12 is try to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Now what are these principles? well he said having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to others and practice these principles he didn't want to say steps again he had already said it once he don't like to repeat himself so he used the word principles in the front of the 12 and 12 he says the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous are set of principles spiritual in nature. I think what he's saying to me in the last part of step 12 is try to practice these steps in all of my affairs. Now it's easy to practice them in AA. I love you and I hope you love me. And we're going to do our best not to hurt each other. But I'm only in AA at the utmost one or two hours a day at the most. What I do the other 22 or 23 hours though I practice these steps in my home with my spouse can I realize how powerless I really am over that lady can I analyze the insanity of trying to control her knowing full well I can't can I make a decision turn her way on her life over the care of God as I understand it can I inventory me and find those character defects that keep me trying to controll her can I talk about that to another human being can I become willing to have God remove those and ask him to do so Can I make amends to her quickly when I've harmed her? There's times of shame to me. There's times I treat absolute strangers on the street with more courtesy than I treat my own wife in my own home. Just think, if I could practice these there with her and she with me, well, we might pick up eight, nine, ten hours a day there, maybe twelve, where we could be peaceful and happy and free. If we don't practice them, we don' t stand a chance who are in each other's throat continually. How about my children? Can I practice them with my children If I can, what little time we have left will be good times. If I don't, I try to control, they resist and we have no good times at all. We might pick up two, three, four hours a day there. How about on the job if I'm working somewhere? Can I practise them with those people who work around me? If I cannot, I'd even be peaceful, happy and free on the Job. If I count it, don't stand a chance. I think we're the luckiest people in the world. You know, what we're really saying is that you and I have the tools to live peaceful, happy, and free 24 hours a day, 365 days a year if we wish to. Now make no mistake about this. God's not going to do it for you. Other people are not goingto do itfor you. But you, with God's help and the help of other people, can do it for yourself. I don't know anybody that's got the opportunities that we have. Let's go to page 164. This information that comes out of the big book is The Best of Medicine, Psychology, and Religion. There was a story in that other big, big book about this fellow who was practicing these principles and carrying this message. And he said one night, he said, The things that I do, you can do also and even greater. and a couple of guys heard this and they remembered the friend who was sick. They went and got the friend and brought him back the next night on a stretcher and I like to think they were alcoholics because the reason I think they were alcoholic is they got there and they were standing room only they couldn't get him in there and so they went up on the roof and they chopped a hole in the roof, let him down in there and the guy looked at him and he said well it's by your faith that this man is healed. See it was by the faith for the people in Alcoholics Anonymous when I arrived because I didn't have any. It was by their faith and belief in this program that I too could come and have a belief and have a faith after a while so that I too could be restored to sanity. Later on he was in a little town called Surnan as I read it and he was talking that night and after the meeting was over with they would stand around visiting with each other and finally someone told him of a fellow they had locked up in a cave on the side of the hill He said, I want to go up and see that fellow. The guy said, no, man, you don't want to see him. I mean, we've got him chained to the wall. He's harmed a lot of people. He's angry and resentful. We've got to change the wall, check ourselves from him and him from us. He said now I want go up there and talk to him. I said, what's his name? He said his name is Legions, for he has many, many defects of character, you see. So he went up there, talked to that guy, and he cut loose his chains of resentment, got rid of the anger, got rid of the guilt, shame and remorse and set him free and he wanted to do what those other 12 guys had done he asked him can I go with you and do what you do and he wrote a step for us right here. He said no allegiance I don't want, no you can't come and do whatever we do. He says what I want you to do is stay here and just tell people what happened to you. Pass it on I think that's what Bill called it On page 164 it says our book is meant to be suggestive only we realize we know only a little god will constantly disclose more to you and us ask him in your morning meditation what you could do each day for the man who's still sick the answers will come if your own house is in order but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got see to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others this is a great fact for us abandon yourself to God as you understand God. That's what we did in Step 1, 2, and 3. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. So we did it in 4, 5, 6, and 7. Clear away the wreckage of your past. That's why we did that in 8 and 9. Give freely what you find and join us. We'll do that in 10, 11, and 12. And we shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. And you will surely meet some of us as you treasure the road to a happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening.