Making Amends – 2024 Prayers & Promises Workshop – Part 3 of 7 – Chris B.

Let's welcome him back, please. Good afternoon everybody. My name is Chris and I am an alcoholic. This has really been a great event. I love the events that are only a couple hours away that you can drive to and I've had a really, really good time. The committee and everything. What a wonderful location, too, for something like this. All right, so it's my job just to cover steps eight and nine and I just wanna quickly put those steps into context, the way I see them today. This isn't the way you have to see them, it's just the way that I see em today. I see step one as the problem. The problem, the alcoholism, step one. can't stay away from alcohol on my own and I can't control it when I'm drinking it and everything in life sucks you know you know that's step one well welcome to a and I need to really understand that at a deep level because because I gotta tell you there are people who will say they understand it but they don't follow that up with any action you know I've I've worked with a lot of people over the years, and you'll get somebody that shows up in the beginner's meeting and is looking for a sponsor, and they're like, oh, my life is terrible. You wouldn't believe it. My parents are throwing me out. The cops are after me. I got no money. My family hates me. I want help. I want to help. And so I'm, okay, obviously you're alcoholic and your life is unmanageable, and I explain a little bit about that. And then I say, you know, the solution for that is a spiritual course of action. You know, some spiritual exercises that will really change you internally and spiritually to the point where you'll be able to recover from alcoholism. And, you Know, the way I do it is I bring somebody over to my house and, you Now, we sit down with the book Alcoholics Anonymous. We start going through it. So how about coming over to My House Friday? Oh, Friday, man. Friday's no good. You know, Friday's bingo night. You know? I haven't missed bingo. You know it's like so that's happened over and over again in 20 different manifestations with me, right? So it's very, very hard. There's a line in the 12 steps and 12 traditions that says who among us wishes to admit complete defeat? Glass in hand, we've warped our minds to such a state that we're blowing up everything in our life. I think that's a direct quote. So who among us wants to admit that kind of defeat? And then a spiritual solution, you know, we have two alternatives. One is to go on the way we've been going, you know, drinking ourselves into oblivion and the other is to accept spiritual help. And neither one of those alternatives are really attractive to us when we show up in here, you know? I'm gonna die an alcoholic death, could you give me more information on that, you Know? Before I accept spiritual health. So it's a tough lift, but if you've been beat up enough, if you can beat up and you're ready to concede that. You know step two is coming to believe that there's a solution. The first way I did that was I saw you recovering. Step three is making a decision, making a decisions to engage in this, to do my job here, to find out what is appropriate and what is required in Alcoholics Anonymous and be willing to do that. And in step four, I look over the things that have been blocking me from spirituality, blocking me a connection to God, blocking me all those things and the number one thing is resentment. And then they talk about fear which really was more like anxiety with me. And then they talk about conduct, you know? Hey Chris, how's your conduct been? And I need to review all this stuff because I need the know what the problem is. You know, I've been in the business environment for a long, long time and what they'll do is they'll root cause analysis if there's a problem like the manufacturing has slowed down or there's high turnover rate in employees or whatever, right? Someone will do a root cause analysis and they'll get down to like what's really the problem here. And if you have an accurate assessment of what the problem is, you can get about the business of the solution. And so step four is absolutely pointing all this stuff at me. I'm filled with resentment, I'm full with fear And my conduct is terrible, because I'm managing my own life. And then I need to share this. I need the share this information. The stuff that I discover, I need share it with another person in a very honest way. And a lot of times that's the first time we've really been honest with somebody. You know, it says in the book Alcoholics Anonymous a lot us live like a double life. You know we put on a facade. the type of facade we want other people to, we want to think other people see us as. Because there's something deeply flawed within us. We're not okay just showing up the way we are. We've gotta be a chameleon. We've got to act the way we think people will respect us or like us or whatever. And so I know when I went out and did my first fifth step, was the first time I was ever honest at that level with another man, and it was transformational for me. It was transformitional for me, and then everybody's been doing such a good job here with their experience on the steps. The next thing is step six. I've identified a lot of the root cause the root cause of my alcoholism and my disturbance and the lack of quality in my life. I've discovered this stuff with this inventory. It's the first time I've ever really been self-searching. And it's the fist time I ever shared this stuff was somebody. There's no better place to be for becoming willing to have these defects of character removed than that set of exercises. exercises you know right after the fifth step is a beautiful time to be to be willing to have these things that we've found objectionable removed and then there's some prayer work there's a prayer work to be done for the removal of these character defects now now you know I thought I thought for sure that steps six and seven were almost irresponsible when I first looked at them right oh God here I'm turning it over to you you know you can have all this you can add my debt you know and but that's that's not really what this this step is about so why do I go to God with these with these defects of character just like Peter said I go God cuz there's nothing else there's nowhere else to go haven't you tried you know oh I know I always do this and I know I've promised you I'm never gonna do this again you know I'm sorry you know have you ever you tried with these character defects not you know my belief by belief today are there they're bigger than me certainly there's a responsibility for me to be to be willing to have them removed and and to to take appropriate action for their removal. But if I could just read a self-help book or something, you know, I would. So I'll tell you a quick story. Fish Food Phil, my sponsor, shows up at my house one day. It's the first time he ever just showed up unannounced. I'm like, uh oh, what's going on? He was just coming over to say hi. And I take him up to my room and I've always been a big reader. You know, when I was drinking, it was more science fiction than anything else. But I've always been a big reader and he comes up and he's looking through my books and he is like, Chris, man, I'm surprised. You've got a lot of self-help books here, you know? And I'm kind of like, yup, yup. Kind of proud, right? And he goes, can I ask you a question? I go, sure, Phil. and he goes, where's your help others books? And I'm like, Phil, I'm unfamiliar with that category. Where would you find those in the borders bookstore? And what he was trying to tell me is, if me working on self would have worked, it would have work. You know, I'm up against alcoholism. You know, I don't need a mere tune-up. It says in our book that we need an overhaul. So, you know, when looking at this stuff, I've got to understand what I'm up against. Now, as I ask God to remove these character defects in an attitude of humility, As I ask God to remove them, I move in to step eight, which is putting a list together of the people and the institutions that my character defects have harmed. So the best possible spiritual atmosphere you can be in to participate in what you need to participate paid in for the removal of your character defects is to make a list of the people and institutions that those character defects have harmed and become willing to make amends to those defects of character, to those people and institution that your defects of characters have harmed. I wanna tell a story that kind of illustrates this. It's just a good example of what I'm talking about. So I sponsored this guy in the late 90s, and man he was a rough dude. He came from an area in a city in New Jersey that was just, it was just a rough, rough area. And he ended up in our town. He came out of a blackout owning a horse farm in our Town. You know how that happens. And he started coming to the AA meetings And he got sober and he started coming to the AA meetings in our area. This guy was truly, was in a lot of trouble. He had been doing massive amounts of Percocet on top of alcohol and when he finally showed up at the rooms it was gonna take a long time for him to be able to talk. I mean they'd go around the room and everybody would introduce themselves and he'd go like . I mean it took him awhile to talk And when he finally started talking, he aimed for me and asked me to sponsor him. I had some of the crazy guys back then. I'm always wondering why that was. But you know, and so we were going to meetings together, we're doing a bunch of stuff and we're going through the steps. And he's doing his job with the steps, I gotta tell you, we claim progress, not perfection. So I'm really, really okay with someone if I'm convinced they're really trying. You know what I mean? Because there's just people that are only capable of what they're capable of at that specific time. But anyway, we're going through the step work and we're goin' to a meeting together And we knew who the coffee maker was, so we were stopping at a convenience store to get a coffee before the meeting. And we're getting coffee and I pay for my coffee, he's behind me kinda and we're walking out. And as he's walking out, I see him do this. Grabs a pack of cigarettes, has it in his coat so fast it was hard to see, and then we're out the door. And I'm like, whoa, whoa whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, I go, did you just steal a pack of cigarettes? And he goes, no. I go let me phrase this differently. Did you take a pack of cigarettes without paying for it? And he says yeah. And I'm like then you took a pack of cigarettes, you stole a pack of cigarettes and he's like no it was from the rack in the front. And I am like what does that mean? He goes, the rack in the front, you're a chump if you don't take something off the rack in the back of the front. They budget for that. And I'm like, sponsorship summit, sponsorship summit, we're working a spiritual program. And we have a meeting that night instead of going to the meeting. And we go over all this stuff and I explain to him what our way of life is. So, I want to tell you what he did. He put a list of every store he ever could remember stealing from. He put envelopes together of the amount of money he considered those thefts were worth and he went back to about 20 stores and he would ask for the manager and he would do his job with step nine. You know, I need to tell you that I stole money from here and I'm here to set things right and I've got the amount of money and is there anything else I can do to set this right? And he did his job in a very, very imperfect way but the money was there and he went and he knocked out all of these amends. Now, the question I'll ask you is do Do you think he still steals cigarettes? Not a chance. So there's a connection, there's connection with making amends and the removal of the defects of character. I think we're making a demonstration, I think were making a demonstrations to God that we're serious about this stuff when it's almost devotional to go out and make amends. You know what I mean? And now, it's been a long time since I've done a ninth step of meds. It hasn't been a longtime since I'd done a 10th step but I've got some experience and I've gotten some experience with this stuff And I'll tell you that 99 times out of 100, it's been a great experience for me. But there's something deep inside me that wants to tell me it's gonna be bad if I do it. You understand what I'm saying? Like I know that I need to meet with Aunt Fanny and tell her I stole all her jewelry for drugs, but that's gonna be really bad if I do that. I mean, that's just an example, but there's something inherent within me that makes me balk at these particular steps. And I've gotta tell you that has to be overcome. It has to overcome. And my experience was I was inspired by some people who were militant about the 12 steps. You know, I know Jimmy and Peter knew these guys. And I started to get a hold of a number of workshops back in the 90s by Mark and Joe, Mark Houston and Joe Hawk. And for years, I went through these workshops. I had a job where you could wear a Walkman and do your job, there was no issue. And I went through these workshops, and what they did was they convinced me it was the right thing to do. And then came the willingness part. And I would like to tell you that I immediately became willing to do a lot of these things. But it was more of an organic process. I started with the easy ones and I moved into the more difficult ones. And I'm eternally grateful for these people who cut no slack, you know what I mean? Because if I would have gone into a discussion meeting or a meeting in my area and raised my hand and said, you now, I'm going back to such and such a place to make such and an such amends You know, five people out of six would have told me I didn't have to do it. It wouldn't be a smart thing to do. But I got hooked in with these people that would tell me it's essential to do and I'm really, really glad I did because what my experience has been with the ninth step, the eighth and the ninth step is, it added power to my recovery. It added muscle to my recovery. You know, I was solid in, you know, after these amends were done. And, and it added an amazing amount of freedom in my life too. I felt free enough to be anywhere doing anything. And If you remember me sharing about the anxiety I had, you know, the anxiety that I was talking about in step one. Always being uncomfortable where I was doing what I was doing. I really think, I really thing step eight and nine at least for me is what changed all that. It changed all of that. For millions of years I lived on a dead end street, last house on a death end street. And almost all my drinking was wrapped around that house in that town. And I remember just feeling uncomfortable walking up that street, because I was a blackout drinker and every once in a while someone would be really mad about something I didn't remember. And there was a lot of harm that I had done in that Town and a lot people that I just if I saw them walking this way I'd walk to the other side of the road, I wouldn't wanna face them. And all that stuff was erased after step eight and nine because I was told I need to complete my amends. Now some of them you can't finish, right? right? People are, you can't find them or you can remember who they are. But there's a demonstration and then there's an exercise that you can do to, you know, to do the best you can with those particular steps. Now in step nine it gives us real specific instructions. It tells us if we've committed a crime what we're supposed to do. And it says, you know, we must be willing to make amends for these crimes as long as it doesn't involve other people or hurt other people. And that's the qualification for that criminal amends. You know I made a bunch of those. there's the person we hate, all right? Those were kind of tough for me because, you know, I still had some resentment to a number of people. But it says in the book that we take the bit in our teeth and we go to the personwe hate, confessing our former ill will, you You know, sharing with them our complete desire to change. To change the type of person we are and set right the wrong. Now I did a bunch of those and those were incredibly impactful and they were the hardest ones for me, you know? And then there's some relationship amends. There's the stepping out on the missus amends or the hubby and it explains in there how those are supposed to be handled. And it's really, really interesting that there's some serious qualifications in those particular amends. You're not to involve anybody else except the person you're making the amends to. You're supposed to really be sure you're not causing more harm than good by making this amends And so there's some serious qualifications in there. You know, should we tell them if they don't know? Not always it says, all right? So they do cut you some slack in there but the slack they cut you is so that you don't cause more harm. I'll tell you a story. I'll you a about a guy I was working with. And this was a period of time in the 90s when I was workin' with way too many people. There were people over my house every night going through the steps. I would never be that irresponsible again because I was losing track of where people were and, you know, what step are you on? It was just crazy. But this guy was working the steps with me and he got through step four and before he even did step five, he went to make amends to his wife. and he was running a telecommunication company up until I think he lost the job and that's why he came into AA but he was a big wig CEO in a company and it came out in his inventory that he had some affairs you know it was on the sex conduct so what he does is he sits down with his wife and he admits the three affairs. Let me tell you what happened next. She beat the shit out of him. That's what she did. He almost lost an eye, this guy. She was kicking him in the head while he was down. She was mad. And the worst part was she absolutely demanded to know who the three women were and got in contact with them and their husbands and put a loss, it just, I'm like, what did you do? You made it so much worse. You know, so the qualifications, the qualifications in this particular eighth step really, really is important, you know, to follow because all of these amends we need to be conscious of the fact that other people can be involved, other people could be hurt. And that's really the only get out of jail free card in the amends. If it's gonna be difficult, too bad. If the person is in Australia, get a ticket. You know, that's the sponsorship that I came from and that's really all I can share with you. Knock them out because the freedom and the power that you get from these amends, it's worth every penny of inconvenience that they're gonna cause you. Another guy, here's a financial amends story. Another guy I sponsored, he owned a mortgage business. This is like about 1997. He owned a mortgages business. And when he came in and we got to the ninth step he had a list man. This guy caused some trouble. He pillaged and he put all the cards together all the immense cards. And he was really hesitant to do any of this because he didn't have a lot of money, right? I mean the company was struggling a little bit and he didn' have a lotta money. But he became willing to start to do this and the first amends he does is back when he was younger he stole a lawnmower from a church and sold it for drugs. So he puts this amends card together and the first amends he does is he goes to the church and he asked to see the reverend and he does his amends with the reverent and he's got some money and the revered takes the money and when he asks the question, is there anything else I can do to set right this wrong? The reverend goes yeah, I want you to write a letter. I want to explain what you just did. I want your to put it in writing And so he does, he puts this letter together and he lets me read it before he gives it to the guy. And it was really, really well done. And what he did was he went back and he gave this letter to the pastor of the church. Pastor thanked him and he went on his way. And what happened the next Sunday was the pastor read that letter to his congregation and his sermon was on redemption. you know what I mean like like this this would redemption is is possible it's really possible for us we we can do our utmost to set right the wrongs and what will happen is we'll we'll be we'll being the sunlight of the spirit that my two buddies were talking about well we'll begin a you know we'll beat we'll be in the the spiritual life will not be a theory it will be something that we'll be living and we'll start to understand what being recovered from alcoholism is we will not being staying sober one day at a time we will be recovered from Alcoholism which means we need to live a spiritual life one day at a time and the drink problem will disappear we will be released from alcohol from the obsession to put alcohol in our body and I believe that happens I believe happens in step 9 you know we're all really familiar with the 12 the 12 promises they call them right what I'd What I'd like to say about the 12 promises is if you're asked to read them in a meeting or something like that, please call them by their correct title. They're the ninth step promises because sometimes when they're read, you'll get somebody who's just showing up in AA and they're wondering why those promises aren't coming true. They've gone to four meetings. You know what I mean? So put them in their proper context. If we're painstaking about this process of development, so what process of the development are they talking about? I think they're specifically talking about step nine. We need to be painstaken and thorough but there's a lot of steps before nine that we also have to be pains taking about. We'll be amazed before we're halfway through. We'll know a new freedom and a new happiness. So I really believe Alcoholics Anonymous is about two main things, power and freedom. And the power is the power that works in us and through us and does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, the spiritual power. And the freedom is the freedom from the bondage of self. but what this whole this whole set of of uh of steps are about it's about connection to god it's it's really refining our connection to God so one of my favorite definitions of spirituality is this one time I was asked to give a talk on spirituality so I did what you would do I went to the google and I tried to find some definitions at least on it and uh and my favorite definition of spirituality is this spirituality is a personal inner pathway to connection with the divine you know what the 12 steps are they're a personal inner pathway two connection with the divine my relationship my relationship and my unity with and my connection to god has been has been the in between me and God is a thousand pieces of junk that I've put there living life on self-will there's logs and rocks and everything in between me and a healthy relationship with this power greater than myself this power greater than my stuff has loved me the whole time and been there you know I I'm the one that caused all the disunity and it's really on me that there was a distance from connection to this divine because I think we're born with it. I think were born with them. And so these steps are all about Making the path clear. I'll describe it in a couple of ways. So let's say you've got a big sycamore tree in your yard, those are the ones with the leaves that are this big and no grass is growing underneath the tree and you really want grass underneath the tray, right? Well, you get somebody in there and say you gotta prune the tree, you know, you gotta cut back the tree. So somebody will come in, they'll cut back to tree so some sunlight can get in and all of a sudden some grass can grow, right? Well, we've got so much stuff in the way of the sunlight of the Spirit that we're not in communion or connection with that Spirit. And so a lot of this step work is pruning back those branches. I also believe that as alcoholics, this is what I believe. I believe we are unresolved mystics. Let me explain what I mean by that, okay? Now a mystic is someone who wants to go deep in. They wanna go, they're the ones that are in the caves in the Himalayas meditating 19 hours a day. They're the one's that go to the silent retreats every single, you know. And then they go to Gethsemane and you know, and the really, really devout, serious practices. They throw robes on and join monasteries. They're the mystics, they're going all the way in because they seek at an incredibly deep level a connection with the divine, a connection with God, that's what makes them mystics. They are driven. And I think what we have as alcoholics is I believe we've got a spiritual vacancy. Peter was talking about sprees, right? I've got to spiritual vacancies. I just don't feel right. I don't okay. There's something missing. And the mistake I'm making is to try to take material things and to gain material things that will fill a spiritual vacancy. I'll do it with food, I'll doing with sex, I will do it toys. You know if I could only get the 2024 vet you know with the special suspect, you know that will make me happy. you. I had a running joke with a good friend of mine in Texas that we just lost recently, God bless him. He'd call me up every once in a while and this is an example of one of his calls. Hey Chris, hey Chris, I just got the new Humvee with every bell and whistle. You gotta see this thing, it's unbelievable. And I go yeah, yeah, that sounds really cool and he goes, and then he'd say, that wasn't it either. You know what I mean? Like how How long is it gonna last to make you feel whole? To make you whole. So we're using drugs, we're usin' alcohol and we're tryin' to fill this spiritual vacancy and the 12 steps are an interpersonal pathway to connection with the divine. They're perfect for us. They're prefect for us, I gotta buy that. I gotta buy that. I won't be happy if I don't have that. I haven't done that in a long time. I still buy stupid stuff, I'm not gonna lie to you, but I'm driven by the acquisition of certain external things because what I know deep inside, deep inside I need to have connection have connection to the divine. Now, here's another illustration of what I believe. It's another story that I use to describe kind of what our journey is, right? So Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden one day and they're having a blast. I mean everything they could possibly need is right there. You know, they're just having a blast. And for one reason or another, they become convinced that they really should eat an apple from a tree that God told them they shouldn't. They're just, everything is... All of a sudden, they are self-centered. And all of a suddenly, they've got to cover themselves. And, you know, God shows up. And he knows right away what happened. Okay? Did you eat from that apple? No! you ate from that apple she made me do it yeah you know and so God God is like okay okay you know I love you enough I love you enough that it looks like you want you want self you want self-centeredness you want determination so I'm gonna give you that you know because I really love you I'm gonna give you that but you gotta get out of paradise you got to go east to Eden to the land and nod anybody in here been to the Landon nod I'll tell you that's where I was every single night I would I would I'd pass out in my chair and come to on the floor now now what this step work does this step work is about turning back in that selfishness and that self-consciousness and self-determination we're making a demonstration to turn that back in and and with and when we do that I'm telling you we go back to paradise you know the life is so worth living today for for me And many of the people that I've worked with over the years, you know, we have, we've journeyed in this thing, this thing called 12-step recovery. We've journeyED and we've gotten to a point where the quality of life is truly, truly amazing. And another lie people used to tell me when I was younger, did anybody ever tell you this? A tiger doesn't change their stripes. you know once somebody's a jerk they're always a jerk I mean I heard that stuff all the time well I've seen incredible transformations I'll tell you about I'll tell you one of men one amends I did this isn't amends I did where I got I actually got kicked out of the office it says they may throw you out of The Office yeah right I got kicked out of office so so my last two years of drinking I was drink I was an electrician working for an electrical contractor and listen I was not a good a good electrician by any means I didn't you know it was it was too much of it to do to learn codes you know and things like that so I just wing it you know and and caused a lot of a lot fires and and uh and I made my boss look bad on multiple occasions especially when I got drunk on the job that was That was, that was really bad. So this particular guy was a normal drinker. A recreational drinker, a normal drinking. You ever drink with people like that? It's annoying. So we would get back, we would go back to the shop, we would come back to shop and he would have a case of beer there for all of us. And everyone would have two beers including me. You ever have two beers and then go home to dinner? I never did, you know. I would have those two beers and stop at the liquor store on the way home because I got the motor running. And if I stuck around too long I would do something tragically embarrassing and I'd get him really pissed off. So I owe this guy a ton of amends. So I'm sober a little while, and I show up at his office. His business was in the town I lived in. And I walked in there, and he's like, you, what are you doing here? And I start to try to tell him, and he is like, I don't got time for this. I don' got time, I'm really busy, I really busy. Get out of here, get out of, some other time. So I left, I gave it a couple more months, and I go in and I tried again, the same thing. What about you? I don't understand why you're here. Get out of here. So it's the second time. Now, I'm okay now. I've made two approaches, two attempts. The book says, you know, it's water over the dam at this point in time, right? You know, I've done my demonstration and I'm going to be okay. It's okay for him not to want to see me when I'm making amends. That's okay. you know I have to try but it you know it's not all on me it's not all about me so so I go on about my business about about six months later I go to the I go to a barber shop to get my haircut and I walk in and who's sitting there waiting to get his haircut my old boss so I go over and I sit down right next to him he can't get away now and and and I do I do my thing, you know. I broach the subject and I explain where I am, what I'm doing. I explain a little bit about how I really need to set right some wrongs that I caused in the past and I understand I caused a lot of wrongs with you and I was able to get that out and he was finally real generous with his response on that. So generous in fact that a couple years later I was running the facilities for a school system, and I hired him as my electrical contractor, you know? I mean, I'm just looking back at the type of person I was, how I behaved, how I interacted with the world was so devastatingly sick. you know, looking back at it from this point of view, that I had to do something. I had the do something right. Here's another thing that I believe and I don't expect anybody else in this room to believe it but I believe it. I believe that all the harm that I caused out there drinking I am not responsible for. Now think about it this way, okay? I am powerless over alcohol. I'm powerless, I can't not drink. I'm being driven by a hundred forms of fear, resentment, self-centeredness. I'm bein' driven by these character defects that are also larger than me. How can I be responsible for that then? It's an illness. Here's the magic in Alcoholics Anonymous. I need to be accountable. I need be accountable for all of it. I need make amends for all it, as if I was responsible. Because that's the Magic in AA. That is the recovery process. That's what makes me free. That's what puts me in a place where I'm on a spiritual plane. All right, so I'm going to end with a story. I've had three sponsors in my life. I had Fish Food Phil for three years. I had Good Stuff Gary for about 25 and now I've got Cowboy Brad as a sponsor. Now, this guy Brad, some of these guys know who I'm talking about. This guy Brad showed up in a meeting in northern New Jersey wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Just the wrong town for something like that. You know what I mean? And so I knew he had something going on. And he got up there, he gotup and he shared his story and he shared it he shared a spiritual story and i picked up on the fact that there was something really deep going on with this guy like this this guy this guy was coming from a different different spiritual perspective i was uh you know and and i recognized the fact that i could learn some stuff from this guy right so so a couple of couple of months go by and i and you know, good stuff Gary had moved away. So I asked him to sponsor me and he's been sponsoring me for about four years now, three or four years. And he comes from a place in Southern California. There was a group of people in the 70s and 80s that were part of AA but they were also part of real deep religious spiritual studies. Chuck Chamberlain was in this group, right? But there was a bunch of them. And they were going to these real modern type church of the science of the mind. They were going all this stuff. And they Were Studying Krishnamurti. And they We're Studying Vernon Howard. And they Were Going to All These Workshops and Stuff. And you can hear this stuff in like Chuck's Talks. Chuck didn't get that stuff from AA. You know what I mean? You can hear it in their talks. and and Brad came out of that milieu and that's why I found it attractive because I found some of these early speakers really transformational and you know we started we started to do some work together and and two things I want to tell you about my my being sponsored experience in the last couple years one of them was what brad does is he works with horses so um he's a cowboy right i mean he you know he's been on uh ranches his whole life working with horses and he's really good at it so when some very very rich and influential people want their horses moved from montana to southern california you know for the summer or whatever or for the winter uh you know they they trust brad had to do it. So Brad revolves around a lot of really cool people working with their horses. But he also works with people from halfway houses and stuff, and what he does is he does this equine therapy thing. I didn't have much respect for equine therapy until I saw him do it, and he gives like recovery zen talks to people when he's doing this therapy and they'll be there'll be people from a halfway house it'll be like eight guys from a half way house and you know trying to move this horse through a little obstacle course you know without touching it that's the exercise and the whole time he'll be he'll be giving Zen talks and and he'll always say this he'll go he'll go the horse lives in the present so a horse is totally aware a horse is mindful if a twig cracks over that cracks over there the horse will know it if somebody coughs in the barn the horse we'll know it if a truck is driving up the driveway a horse will note a horse we pick up on you and how you know what's going on within you it's just it's totally in the now the horse is not pissed off it didn't get enough hay yesterday and it's not scared that it's not going to get enough hay tomorrow. It's now, you know? And what Brad is trying to teach me is to do a number of exercises that keep me present and mindful in the now. And he gave me a couple of them and they're very simple and I'll share them with you and then I'll explain to you why they really are Alcoholics Anonymous or they help with Alcoholics synonymous told me to do three things and you know as he told me to do these you know I'm always skeptical about everything that's you know just the way am i I'm open-minded enough now to maybe try something or think that maybe my my idea about it might not be right but but I'm like my default setting is is to be skeptical so so he told He said to me, okay Chris, whenever you're doing something, tell yourself you're going it. I'm like, excuse me? He goes yeah, yeah, whenever your doing something tell yourself your doing some. Like right now, I'm speaking on step eight and nine at a conference, I am up at the podium. So tell yourself that you are doing it. Will you try that? I go all right, yeah okay. he said, there's another thing I want you to do. Everything you do, ask God for help. So, you know, if you're going out to your car, God, help me, you know, go out to the car. God, help me drive down to the convenience store. God helped me buy a gallon of milk. I'm like, is that you want? That's what you want me to do? He goes, Yeah, that when you remember because you're not always gonna remember but when you remember, yeah, do that. And he goes, The last thing I want you to do is whenever you walk out of a building look up and like you want me to look up he goes yeah I want you look up I don't want you try these things so so let me tell you what was so this is how simple it is that I believe there's an economy to the spiritual life I didn't believe that in the beginning I remember I got myself the course in miracles and started to go through you ever go through the course and miracles it's like 9,000 pages with exercises you're never gonna do. So I believe, especially for alcoholics, the spiritual life has an economy to it. It's not hard. So when I started doing it, let me tell you what my experience was and why I found these three things beneficial. Tell yourself what you're doing, ask God for help, and look up. So I'm telling myself what I'm doing all the time And I'm finding myself more in the present. More in the presence as I keep doing this, I'm more in now, in the president. And my mind doesn't drift back to the injustices of the 70s. I don't worry about the nuclear holocaust of 10 years from now. I'm like right now. and that's the holy now, right? It was explained. That's where God can be found in the calendar day. Now, ask God for help with everything that I do. What that did was that brought me into the consciousness of the presence of God. If I'm always asking God for help, I'm in the consciousness of the presence of God. And that's in our big book. That's one of the wonderful promises that's In Our Book. And then every time I leave a building to look up, what that's done for me is More and more, I've become incredibly grateful to be a biological being having a spiritual experience on this wonderful little globe called Earth. And I look up and I see the clouds or I see The Mountains or I See The Trees. and once more I'm convinced that I am in God's cathedral. I believe he made earth for us to enjoy and I'm incredibly grateful. Now where I was prior to a recovery experience was suicidal ideation coupled with psychotic behavioral disorder, you know what I mean? And today, I can be in the consciousness of the presence of God with an unbelievable gratitude that I've been given this opportunity to experience a life on this planet. and I am folks I am enjoying every minute of it and I want to thank Raquel again I want thank Roger for for I want think I want to thank Jimmy I want a thank Peter the real good friends of mine what a great day this has been thank you We're just gonna finish soon.