Liz B. on the 50th Annual Florida State Convention — Part 2

wow you light up my life you're the ones that gave me hope when I didn't know there was any hope for me. I want to thank you. I want thank every one of you for being here this morning. My name is Liz Bailey. My anonymity's been shot to hell for a long time. And you're looking at one of the most grateful alcoholics that you've ever could look at in your life. I want think the committee. I want thanks Tom. I want to thank, her name is Joni, and I want to thank Joe, Artie. I don't see Charlie, but there was a Charlie. I had three gorgeous men meet me at the airport, you know? And I met Mike, which was great. And I've met so many of you today in these two days, that's mind blowing. I have to know how to stay in my place as an alcoholic. Because all this love and fanfare could blow you straight to hell, I'll tell you the truth. Could blow you away. You got to watch when it start happening to you. And I want to thank Dennis. Dennis has been my right arm for two days. I've leaned on him for everything. I've ate lunch with him and talked with him. And Dennis, I'll never get over it. I asked Dennis to do this to me today. because see when I get up here I get on a roll and I don't want to overdo it because anything is overdone is undone remember that anytime you overdo it I want to thank all the previous speakers I've been with them before and boy if when they tell you put on a seatbelt for the rest of these two days you better do that because I've been with these guys that's coming up they were wonderful And I met June this morning. I think her name is June. I'm still sober. And I'm going to look forward to hearing her. And I just can't thank you all enough and tell you how much I love you. Now, I have not gone out and gotten anybody a new story because the one I came in here with was a Lulu. And I want to thank Brenda for last night. I almost had a revival sitting over there I almost had a revival I was sitting over there crying and I said amen amen Lord I was just carrying on with Linda sitting in that one chair I'll tell you it was beautiful and my sign languages I've just been eating them up for the two days they are something else wonderful you know what I told them, I've warned them about me already. I said slow me down, slow me down because I work them to death, you know that. I work them to dead. I want to thank the crew that had Danish and coffee with me this morning Linda, and I'm going to get it. Tell it to me. June, right? I should never forget the month of June. Okay. I'll put that in my computer. June, thank you. There was a minister preaching one time. He says if you drink alcohol, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady down front, she said amen. He said, if you smoke those cigarettes, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady said, amen. He said now if you chew tobacco, she said look at that, he stopped preaching and gone to meddling. So I'm going to go to medling. I have a beautiful young lady sitting down in front of me named Linda. and I love her so dearly and we talk on the phone from here to New York quite often and Linda's been following me around for a few years also and she's here today in her wheelchair can we give Linda a round of applause applause I have another girlfriend that calls me on the phone from Florida. All my friends moved from New York here, but I'm not planning to move to Florida. I'm sorry too. But Vi has 42 years that I've been with Vi. Where's Vi? Viola? Did she stand up? Oh, okay. All right. I just want to recognize you because I've been with you for 42 years like a 39 cent stamp. When I get them, I don't let them go. Artie calls me three or four times a week too. I'm in Florida really and New York in my bedroom because all you guys call me from here to New York and I thank you for those calls too. You show me that I'm not doing anything alone. I'm going to tell you what I used to be like, how I got to AA and what AA has done for me. I picked up my first drink at the age of 12 years old and as I look back I was a stone alcoholic at 12 years, but I didn't know that ignorant, ignorant all the way. When I I drank, I thought that's where it was. That's how it was supposed to be. And a lot of people used to tell me about my willpower. I didn't know what willpower was. I know many a time I had the will that I didn�t want to drink, but I had no power not to drink. And I love my granddaughter today. She says, �Well, you know, Nanny, you had a choice.� I said, no, silence is golden. Because I didn't have a choice, honey. I would like to have had a choice. But once I picked up that drink at the age of 12 years old, my mom made rice wine. Now, I don't know till today why she made rice wine. I had an alcoholic father who I watched the policeman beat him half the time. And the blood would just spatter. and I'd watch neighbors hit him with frying pans and the blood would spatter. And I lived right in front of Mother Cabrinha Hospital and I watched my dad come out of that hospital wrapped like a mummy many, many times and I grieved about it. And yet and still, thank God I was in AA when he hung himself out at Central Islip. Till today, I think I would have drank myself to death about my dad hanging himself. but I couldn't understand my mother making this rice wine as much trouble as she had with him now I've never seen my mother take a drink in my entire life and many years in AA I'd like to give her two drinks and bring her to hell in here though because I know she could have used the whole 12 steps, 12 traditions and even the concepts you know but she made this rice wind from the ingredients she received from the welfare, and she left me and another girl named Marion to sieve it through cheesecloth. Show you the difference. Marion sieved and sipped two drinks and she went home. Liz sieved an sipped. Oh honey, I just sieved and sipp that stuff was good. I kept on sieving and sipping. I put on a drunk at 12 that was a drunk and I listened to my mother lecture to me all night But I had the nerve to go out in the street the next day, and I shook my little self and told my friends, whoo, what a ball I had. I don't even remember what the hell happened, to tell you the truth. Now at the age of 14, I began to sell King Kong booze. It was King Kong. It stood you straight, and it knocked the hell right out you, too. And the man made it in the bathtub next door, and I bought it by the gallon. I was selling it for 40 cents a cream pitcher. Now somebody, I heard one of the speakers, I think it was Brenda, they told, Brenda, did you the one, or Keith, maybe he did it, but they told me to take mayonnaise, olive oil, butter, cream, line yourself up, Liz, and you can drink plenty and make good money. Well that King Kong went all through the mayonnaise, the olive oil. The butter, the cream, so i stopped taking that but i drank plenty of booze i made good money i put a better table because i'm the oldest of five and i put shoes instead of sneakers so now i'm making good money so one night i'm laying out the window i live one flight up in manhattan and um i see this sharp dude oh girls he was so shocked almost fell out the the window and then he had a roll of money and I said whoa there's a live one you know I was always looking for a live when you know that I don't even deal with deadheads in AA either you know I'll tell you that so I went and he had this roll of money and i said oh let me go down in latch on to this dude I went latching on and found out it was a $5 bill around a lot of ones. But he's so cute, who cared? So I started from uptown Manhattan and I went all the way down to the east side giving them a play. At the age of 14, you could not tell me I wasn't a woman. I'm drinking, I'm partying, I're hanging out. So I asked my mother, would she sign for me to marry this man? He's 10 years older than me. And my mother says, oh, no, dear. Oh, who am I dead for? Oh, he'll have you out in the street and you'll live a terrible life with him. Well, I don't know until today because I didn't know any AA or nothing like that. I wish she had to shut her mouth because, see, I found out I'm an alcoholic. You do not tell me what not to do. Don't do it. That's why I love Al-Anon. They're teaching us we didn't cause it. we can't cure it and you damn sure can't control it so you do better to let it go but see my mother preached so I'm going to be determined to get Mr. Bailey so I left New York at the age of 17 and I went to Baltimore Maryland where my friend lives and standing up in the courthouse at 17 crying my heart out the minister stopped the wedding he said would you mind telling me young lady what you're crying about I said at last I got him I'm going to be honest with every one of you in this place that was the sorriest day of Mr. Bailey's life when he said I do to Liz Ulrich. Mr. Bailey never stopped crying from January 3rd, 1939 until he went home with the Lord August the 12th, 1986. That was a sorry day because now I came back to New York with the marriage license. No more mama, no more neighbors, nobody's going to tell me how to live. Woo! I got a marriage license! Well, I began to meet Mr. Billy coming in from work. Where are you going, Liz. Get a quart of milk. I'd come back a week later, two weeks later, whenever I could get back. Now I'm on my knees. I'm sorry. I wore that out. Now, I'm suffering with guilt and remorse because I'm drunk all the time. And now again, I am just going to take one and relax. Two to get started. Three, I'm off to the races and I've planned many beautiful birthday parties and I never showed up because after the shopping and the cooking I had to go to the bar. I hung out in Sutton's Bar and Grill on 177th and Jamaica Avenue. I had to have one to relax. Everybody would be to the parties but me because I'm drunk and I'm gone of course now I tried switching brands try to drink beer then they were trying to show me how to get a treat drunk with wine and beer I was in enough trouble with the booze so I didn't want that and I watched myself go down now many many people pulled me up on the carpet why do you drink the way you do what do you act away you do well I could rattle off of excuses a mile a minute. My main excuse was loneliness. I cried of loneliness all my life, all my live, looking for someone to love me, to understand me, to do something with me and I could never find it in the streets of New York. Never did find it out there. And so I kept drinking and I watched myself go down. Now I began to hit hospitals Every time you looked at me, I had a new patch somewhere else. My arms are all sliced up, putting my hands through window plate glasses. I don't care how much I drank outside. I had to have something when I got inside. So I'm laying up in the couch. I used to smoke. And here the couch and I are on fire, putting holes in the walls, burning up the furniture. Total insanity. And I don' t know what to do. I don''t know whatto do about it. Guilt and remorse again. I have to drink because I have to drown it. I can't live with it. I'm going down and I remember one morning waking up with my head coming off my body. I took Alka-Seltzer, Anacin, BC. I put a raw egg in the beer. That was a meal, you know that. And I thought that would help my head. Now I had told Mr. Bailey many, many times. When I'm on a drunk, shut up! And when I'm coming off a drunk shut up the man couldn't win either way you know so he just walked away but this particular morning I am very sick I'm so sick and I reach over and I grab my Bible off my night table maybe I'll find the answer in the Bible how to straighten this rotten, filthy life of mine up. Mr. Bailey passed my room. Put that Bible down, you hypocrite! Put it down! 20 minutes to an hour, you'll be so drunk, you'll been slapping one of the kids down, hopping a cab or swinging a corner. I didn't know he knew me that well, you know? I really didn't. And so one day, I jumped up in the window that day. I'm going to take my life. and just as I'm ready to throw my body down into the yard I'm up on the second floor there's a man, Nana Backer she's down in the yard Mr. Bailey, you better get her she's going to jump and I see his head come out the next window his hands came out he says Nana will you let that bitch jump he says I'll be rid of all my problems and all my troubles. Please let that bitch jump. Well, I tell you, I got down out of that window. I sure did. Got back in the bed, covered myself over and slept that one off. I said to Mr. Bailey, maybe if you drank with me, haven't you non-alcoholics heard that? Maybe I wouldn't want to drink so much in Rome because see once I pick up a drink I'm gone. I can't stand your silent treatment and don't be looking at me cock-eyed and I damn sure don't want to hear your mouth, you know that don't wanna hear your mouse and I'm the one that used to come in fighting to keep you off me I'm wrong as I can be but I'd come in fighting then you'd have to back up see and that crazy stuff so I remember saying to him maybe if you drank with me I wouldn't want a drink so much in Rome. Well, he went into Manhattan with me one night and he got drunk, came home, hit his head in the radiator and bust his head open. I guarantee you never took me out again. To show you the difference in him and I. Now he did it one time. I'd hit that radiator ten times. Wouldn't mean a thing. Wouldn't meaning a thing! Keep going right back in do the same dumb thing again and again. See? And I'm watching this about me. And I don't know what to do. I don' t know what to do." So again now, I remember saying one night Mr. Bailey said to me, you know you're a lovely wife when you're sober. Drunk you're Jekyll and Hyde. Why don't you try this AA? I had never heard AA because my company didn't talk like that. And I remember cursing him out. I laid his soul to rest. You You know what I told him to do at AA, too, don't you? Okay. He walked away from me. I thank my God till this day that he did not beat me with AA. And we do not beat you into AA. We attract you into AAA. I'm standing... No, we don't beat you. We don't meet you in here. Because I was standing up in Brooklyn a few months ago and I said, if you see what I got, and the guy winked at me. I said, man, I ain't talking about that stuff. I said look at this, I gotta rephrase this thing. I gotta say it differently. But we don't beat you in here. They used to tell me years ago the door swings both ways. Sure does. But so again thank God Mr. Bailey didn't beat me. I drank another eight to ten months. Broken ribs. Girls, don't fry a frozen chicken drunk. Please don't. I went around my neighbors, and I got drunk in the back of me. And I'm coming home, and she says, you know, Liz, you ate my husband's dinner. I said, well, I'll give you a dinner over the fence. And I go in there drunk trying to fry the frozen chicken to burn up both of my legs. These legs stayed like raw meat as long as I stayed out there drinking. I came in these rooms. These legs healed. You would never believe I had ever been burned. These are healing rooms. You know why? Because we're under the sunlight here. We're under the sunlight of God. I don't care who you are, what you are what you think. Greater is he that is in you than he that's out there in that world. You know how powerful this room is today with each one of us with this greatness in us? It's in you. Whether you like it or not the spirit, we're made of the spirit of the spirit. And you can go to that spirit anytime, anyplace you choose, which is so good. Oh, Brenda, I knew what you were talking about. I knew it. I knew you were what you was talking about, and I had to learn that. I didn't come in here with that. I came in here cursing God, cursing him, because you see, life wasn't going my way. It wasn't treating me the way I thought it should. And as long as I cursed him, I stayed sick. I stayed sick. Migraine headaches. Couldn't lay my head on a pillow. Deep, deep depression. Isolation. I cried a lot. Five solid years I cried in here. Until one day it dawned on me this is a gift. This is a gif. Not everybody gets this gift, and if I've got it, I better treasure it. And so then I began to grow spiritually like that. They tell you, you first come, you come to, then you come believe, and that's how it happened to me. I started with one hand in God, and the other one in AA, and I'm on a journey, not a destination. I'm on a terrific journey. Boy, what a journey. 54 years, solid journey. A lot of pain to gain, a lot of fight for the victory that I have today. Didn't come easy. Easy coming or the easy go. But anything you fight for, you hold on to it, and you'll suffer the pain. You'll grow, G-R-O-W. But I'm going to get back to when I came to AA. I'm right up to it now where I remember there was a lady coming to visit to sell insurance for the house. I never call this a homegirls. Mr. Bailey was a furrier. Every time I had a little period of dryness he'd make me another fur coat. I have fur fur coats like beans, and one year he made me the most gorgeous leopard coat you ever laid your eyes on. And you know what he did? He brought that coat home, threw it out on the bed, threw a party for the job. I looked at that coat and I hated it, and I gave it away. I said he made it so he could spot me anywhere. I had to get sober to want my coat. I had it get sober, to realize how sick I was. As long as you stay in the booze or the drugs, you never see how sick you are. You can't see it. It doesn't allow you to see it." I had come up out of it. It was too late for my coat by that time. I was sleeping on the park bench three blocks away from me. Woke up one day on that bench and I said, Oh, Liz, there's something wrong with this picture. Something wrong with it. You live three blocks, you got a brand new bedroom set, new mattress and spring, and you're on the park bench. Didn't know what to do about it. Didn't Know What To Do. Drinking with the guys in back of the barbershop or in the corner. Anywhere there was a bottle, Liz was there. I drank at Sutton's when I had money, but when I hadn't no money, I went down to Monick's. I borrowed two dollars from you baby you got that two dollars back every time because I'm going to hit you every time I didn't come in here owing nobody anything thank God because whatever I borrowed I gave you back because I knew I was coming back to you and I'm still going down Dr. Graniger bandaging his finger broke my finger in two places and he's saying Miss Bailey please stop drinking Please, you're going to wake up one day where you'll be very sorry I listened to him preach to me about this thing And I walked right straight to the bar after I left him I swear I took every situation anyway I could drink all night on this broken finger Oh, I got a lot of pity You have another drink, Liz Have another drink And I did that I watched me go down I thought having children would help me To stop drinking It didn't help me. I didn't drink while I carried the babies, thank God. But the minute one of them babies came out and said, bleh, off I'd go. Off I'd goes so the children didn't stop me. I had three children when I came to AA, 12, 10, and 5. Going down, you can watch yourself go down. Watch me go down and finally when that lady was coming to sell insurance for the house i got up that morning and straightened up left the dusting to last made salads and the telephone rang i'm now drinking with hard two-fist drinkers in the vfw hall not that they were all drunks but i'm hitting them heavy hitters and if you took a drink like this and sipped it for 20 minutes you got on my nerves i got away from you you didn't have to get away from me because you had to drink like I drank. And so this, I heard the guy's voice and I banged up the phone. He called me back the second time I heard his voice and then I bang up the phone. He called a third time. I said, man don't bug me. I'm going to stay here to see this lady. Haven't seen her since I'm eight years old and I really want to see Ms. Lindbaum. I banged up the phone, and you know what happened? I went over to the post. And I'm 85, and I haven't seen Miss Lindbaum until yet. I done forgot what the lady looks like. I woke up in my children's twin beds. And at the foot of this bed stood my mom and Mr. Bailey. and my mom is screaming to the rooftops and her head is just going that somebody done done something to her. Somebody done done something to here. And Mr. Bailey got his head going. He's saying no mom no mom. Nobody's done anything to her. She happens to be a very sick girl. Well my name was bitch I ain't never heard no sick and you know you know the bitch is drunk again the bitch is gone again the beach that's all I heard bitch and I'm going and here I'm a sick girl something went all over my body I still can't explain it but I got up out of that bed and I went to the basement of that house I stayed in the basement for two days praying to die I want it out! I want it out. I couldn't do it any longer and my oldest son 12 years old was sitting there and I said Richard I can't live this life this is not the life I want to live. Look at this you can't depend on me for anything and the big book says this but I don't know about the big book at the time but it said he could and he would if he saw it. And that second night in that basement, you've never heard me scream so in my life, oh God, oh God please help me. And most every drunk I have listened to in these rooms have cried out to God to get the help and that's the only place I know it to come from too. so something said to me as clear as I'm speaking to you try this AA that your father has told me about they didn't have any women Holly when I came to AA I'm so happy to meet this lady here who has 57 years coming up it's wonderful that she was here to keep the doors open for me thank you darling I thank you yes and I'm so happy you women are coming out of the woodwork out of closets, from under the rug wherever you've been, thank you, welcome you come on out to get the air I'm telling you so she gave me a place to go intergroup in the city and I don't know about you girls but I used to go to the beauty parlor and get my hair done nice and I'd get drunk and the booze would go straight to my hair I had afro way before afro came in style I sure did and Mr. Bailey would give me money for clothes I never looked too tough because I wanted to drink up the money but I'm coming to AA and she said to me in the office first of all, I had a hard time getting up the stairs. I got in the middle of the landing. From here on in, you'll see how God has worked in my life. When they say God will do for you what you can't do for yourself, it's so true. Because I got into the middleof the landing and I started to go back downstairs and said, the hell with this AA. The lady looked down the stairs at me and she says, are you having trouble? I said, yes, ma'am. I was having trouble getting upthe stairs. So I ran up to her. She escorted me into the office. Now, I don't know about you or anybody else, but my mother always taught me, don't you dare go out and tell nobody where you got your black eyes or your fights or what goes on in your house. You leave it in your home. Don't you take it out there. And she's sitting there telling me about herself. She's hitting me between the eyes just like Brenda did and just kept hitting me. And she said, Liz, you know it's the first drink. I says, oh, come on, sweetie. I've been drinking for 19 years. She said, liz, when you pick up one drink of any type of alcohol, even down to cough medicine, it's only a matter of time that a compulsion builds up into you that you have to go all the way. Oh, I've seen myself drink a pint on Monday. drink another pint on Tuesday, drink a fifth on Wednesday, drink a sixth on Thursday. Friday I'm knitting without needles. Have any of you knitted without needles? And I got to go get that drink to get me back in focus. Get me back in focus so I understood her and I'll never forget one day sitting there had a bad cold wasn't even thinking about a drink the baby's godfather Lambert came up he says how you doing Liz I said man look at me I got the worst cold in the world he ran around to Cohen's Pharmacy brought me back a bottle of cough medicine took a teaspoon brought out to the stoop gave me one teaspoon on the stoot I go in and I take two teaspoons and come back and sit I'll go in and take three teaspoons, come back and sip. I went in and took the bottle, go-go-goo-googah, went on a drunk, whoo! That's from the cough medicine. Wasn't even thinking about a drink. So when they tell you don't play with that alcohol, and I've received two papers, newspapers from Florida. Don't let nobody tell you alcohol is cooked out because those two newspaper clippings tell me it's not cooked out. See? And you can play games with your head. See, I've never played games with my head because this is where it starts right up here in the top of your head and I know that so here again I'm going to a a and I walked into my first a a meeting and here two people are at the door they always kept two people at the door. Because once you got in, you did not get out. And it was none of this walking around that you guys do today either. Oh no no no, no no. And I'm going to tell you another thing. When I started to run out of that room, this man slapped me over here on the shoulder. And they did not talk nice to you back there. None of this mammy, bammy, bammy stuff that you all get today. No, no, no. They belted you because they meant business. And you know what he says? Where are you going? Because I was getting out of there. I was. I was running out of here. I didn't know. The girls looked at me behind the bar and said, you don't look like an alcoholic. I said, oh Jesus, what did I get myself into? let me get the hell out of here and I was running and he slapped me over here. He says what's the matter with you? Where are you going? I said the girl said I don't look like an alcoholic. I don'T know what an alcoholic looks like. I'm about to lose my mind, my home, my children and everything through drinking. He said have a seat sweetie. You're in the right place And that was July the 11th, 1952. I came in here at the age of 31. 13 up here. 13. I had a loud booze to rob me of so much in the streets of New York. I mean it robbed me. I remember telling the girl today I came in here with high heels slits up the side low cut backs and I switched all over AA baby I covered some ground in AA and you know what a priest sent me a message a priest said ask that broad what's she doing in AA I said oh god I'm not dressing right I had to learn how to dress right I went on my first 12 step call I had a very bad mouth bad mouth. That hell and what I say now is nothing to what it was. And the woman walked me to the door and she said, you know Liz, you're a lovely person, but do you have to have a mouth like that? I said, ooh, I'm not talking right. So I had to learn how to talk. I didn't know I was highly emotional. I didn'T know I was highly sensitive. I knew nothing about me. Absolutely nothing about me walking in these doors. And I picked me a tough sponsor, Little Flo Melody. And I'd go to whine to her. I mean I whined to that poor woman. You know what that woman told me? AA don't need you. You need AA. Oh, I just cried. I went right on back and whined some more. She told me to sit on the pot or get up off it. She ain't saying that nice either. They meant it, I'm telling you. She was my sponsor for 28 years till she went home with the Lord. I have another sponsor now for 33 years. I will not be in AA without a sponsor. I don't care how long I'm sober. We can do together what I can't do alone. I need somebody to talk to also. I do, because my mom never talked to me. I had nobody to talk to me before I came to AA, nobody. And I needed that so bad. Someone said to me, your sponsor's got 33 years and you've got 54? I said she got quality, I got quantity. and we're together and we go on cruises we do nice things with each other we talk nice we go to parties we go luncheons we do things together we don't criticize and knock each other down and we don' t look for perfection in each other we let each other be who we are and don't ever tell Liz Bailey I fired my sponsor you ain't hired nobody in the first place get one when I came to AAA was 17 years old 150,000 members I've been privileged to grow with AAA is 72 years old and it's got over three and a half million so don't tell me you can't find a sponsor in three and a half million there's got to be somebody good for you in one of these rooms and just love and care for each other that's all I just did a write-up in May grapevine of this year and I let you know the difference that I've seen in AA I want to see that enthusiasm come back. This committee has enthusiasm when they ran down that aisle the other day. Yes. Yes. This committee has worked tremendous to put this on. It's a lot of work into this. It's not a play game here. Get in, get into action. Get into action and you'll see how beautiful you'll appreciate your sobriety because it makes you part of. It's good to be part of something sober, and I love that sign when it came out from Florida here too. I am responsible. When anyone anywhere reaches out their hand, he wants us to be there or Liz. I have been trained in AA to never say no to anyone. I've been saying yes for 54 years and praise God because in the giving, look at this, in the giving I receive and in the given I keep. That's just how simple it is. And it's not that I, me, my, and you want more. No, no. It's we can do together what I could never have done alone. I'm in a store with a young man that took me shopping one day a couple of months ago and I couldn't find anything and I was going around like somebody crazy in the store and I said Tommy I don't know what's wrong so he says yeah Liz you're not working your program I said what do you mean I'm not working my program he said you've got to ask for help and that is God's truth we have to learn to ask for help and when I asked for help I got help from every direction and then they assigned one woman to me to take me in all the departments. You see, I asked for help and I don't have that kind of pride even today. If I need help, I'm going to call somebody. Twice in my sobriety, I thought of a drink, just twice. See, Mr. Bailey did not like me sober. Oh, that man didn't like it and he tried for 10 years. Oh, he worked overtime. Oh, to get me back in the streets of New York. He couldn't take the new me at all. Every time I started to a meeting, he'd curse me down, talk nasty, and I just kept going, just kept Going. And I've never had a car in my whole sobriety. And every night a different white dude picks me up. You know that. And I upset my neighbor with something terrible. From a drunk to this, what is she putting down? But you see, I've got to remember, for many years I didn't know what I was putting down, but for many year I know what i'm putting down. It's wonderful. Wonderful. And so again I had the honor and privilege of speaking for our late co-founder Bill Wilson. I spoke for Bill Wilson's 28th anniversary. 2,700 people that night, all the dignitaries were up on the daisies. I asked Mr. Bailey would he please come and sit with me up there He said get another husband for that night My girlfriend said you're going to ask him again I said hell no, I'm the speaker So I didn't ask him But at 3 in the afternoon he showed up At the Hotel Commodore You guys lined up out there Thanked him for me The man couldn't handle that He came home like a raging lunatic Banged every pot on the stove I've got to get rid of you I can't stand you in this sobriety and here's where our tools we have tools 12 steps, 12 traditions and my tool 3 and 11 said if you pick up one drink you don't have Liz you pick up one drink and you don' t have Mr. Bailey and I didn't have him anyway and I just told you when I pick up one drink I am not in that house so I left Mr. Bailey. I stayed away 24 years from Mr. Bailey. I went back in his last days to take care of him because when you're sober, more will be revealed to you and I could honestly look back and say I wasn't a good wife. I wasn'T a good mother. I was not and I was privileged to make amends to Mr. Bailey. I took care of him in his last days. And he said to me one day in the hospital, take my hand, Liz, and I did. He says, you know, I would have been dead a long time ago if it wasn't for you. And he says, You know, I really love you, and I screamed. I had been married to Mr. Bailey 47 years, and I never heard it. But I got it before he cashed out of here. Yes, I did, yes, I did. oh yeah I don't let Mr. Bailey die you all know that because I was down in Estow Beach speaking and the lights went out when I mentioned his name I was in North Carolina and I mentioned His Name and the sirens went off and then I got on the beach to celebrate my anniversary and the rain came down but three times and it's over, thank God twerks and threes but I was grateful that I could go back and make his last days really good I had been called to nursing school and I tried to get out of it and Miss Kelly would not let me out of it so I ended up going to nursing school and I graduated with an 88 average and the head nurse as she handed me my diploma she said Liz if I ever took sick I want somebody like you to take care of me and you see I could use that nursing to take care of Mr. Bailey. That's what helped me put the bag on him and all the things I needed to do. Now, I'm fighting against it, so don't fight against stuff. When God is opening up something for you, grab it because you never know where you're going to use it. And I'm grateful that I did that. I have an older son, the one 12 years old, who has hated my living guts for this whole 53 years. Hated me. Told me he would never forgive me or forget me. Couldn't afford to let that bother me because I found the God in here, and the God that I've found in these rooms has forgiven me 70 times seven. So any man, woman, or child who want to hold my past over my head has to be their problem. Last year Richie made 65 years old. Called my granddaughter his daughter to wish her Happy Mother's Day. She says, Nanny, your son is here. You want to speak to him? I said, Crystal, I don't know whether I want to talk to him or not. He's so nasty. I don�t die for pain. I don't die for nobody to talk nasty to me. No, I don � t. So I said but you know what, Crystal? Put him on that phone. I had him 65 years ago today and he got on the phone. He says hi. I said, hi. He said, how you doing? I said I'm okay. He says, well I said I wanted to just wish you a happy happy birthday and that was the end of that. So when she's driving him to the airport because he lives in California she said to him, dad how did you enjoy your birthday? You know what this sucker said Crystal, I had the best birthday of my life I spoke to my mother took him 53 years but I haven't heard from him since you see what I mean we live one day at a time and you can't use that word expectation too often you expect people to think and act and do the way you want them to do it doesn't work that way at all I've got to learn to accept people just like they are I had another son named Dennis the handsomest dude in the world it was an alcoholic and an addict I want you young people whom I love very dearly the right road may be hard but you'll beat a winner it's good to be a winner yeah the easy road the price is heavy And I used to tell that to my son. He chose the easy road, the $100 shoes and the slick suits and the slick hats. Some guy shot and killed him in between two houses in Brooklyn. Thank God I was in here and I didn't have to drink. And I don't cry for the dead because you disturb their beautiful spirit. My Bible says let not your heart be troubled. in my father's house there are many mansions and he goes and he prepares a place for us, isn't that wonderful I don't walk around crying for my son, I don' t do that I had a sister, gorgeous sister with five children, I met her on the corner one day and I says get away from mama, anybody is enabling you to stay drunk and sick, you got to get away form them I said go get a room somewhere she walked away from me and went into Manhattan and jumped 30 floors her crushed body laid 5 days on a canopy I didn't have to pick up a drink I had you, you're my support and my God that I found in here he's so great I had that 5 year old daughter I'm in Colorado Springs getting ready to speak going out the driveway girl opens the side door drops to her knees she says your daughter just passed at 120 this afternoon I watched my daughter suffer with Lou Gehrig disease a beautiful girl went to a living skeleton I'd walk every day from that hospital crying through the streets of New York But there again, I was with you when that happened. And thank God I didn't have to pick up a drink. Thank God. Just think about that. I've gone up and had nine operations in 41 years. I've been cut to pieces. I've taken these scars and turned them into stars, baby. I don't dwell on those scars. No, no. I'm loaded with them, drunk and sober. Drunk and sober. I went up and had three operations in six weeks. The doctor said, you've got cancer. I'm going to give you six months to live. I said, You're not giving me nothing because I live one day at a time. One day at the time. I'm now 35 years an arrested cancer patient. The doctor's dead. I'm not. Come on here, come on with me because I'm still flying up in that air, 44 years in the air. Hopping trains, planes, buses, subways, hopping them dudes' cars every night. Some of my pray to and pray fro because the way they drive in New York is sick and sad. But I take that risk and I jump in them cars for my life. I'm going to tell you, you can look at me, God, as a good God. Good God. I have diabetes now. It took me 79 years old to get diabetes. I don't let that diabetes bother me. I need a drink of orange juice. I'll cry out to you and everybody else, get that juice with that girl. I asked her yesterday, get the juice for me. And then I get the juicer the minute I walked in the restaurant because I know my sugar had gone low. and I got to eat every three hours like a newborn baby what can I tell you but I take my medication and do my follow my directions I was thinking about the little kid with the broken down wagon and how he's going to put the wagon again throw the directions in the garbage and the wagon is going all lopsided he had to go back to the garbage and get the directions to fix it right unlike the one that Leo tells that he was mowing the lawn and he filled the lawn up with gas and he left a quart of gas there and the dog drank it. And the dog kept going around the circle after he drank the gas. He tried to catch the dog, he couldn't. All of a sudden he grabbed the dog. He couldn't get him. The dog overflops over. What did the dog die? No, he ran out of gas. I said, isn't that good? that's good I went I finally made Alaska last year I made Alaska I got up in Alaska and I said gee I got the monkey off my back but the circus is still going on I don't drink a drug but life is still going on life is going on and we come in here and we learn how to face this reality, which is very hard. I live with a 33-year-old granddaughter. Look at the difference, 50-some years difference. And I got to remember she's only 33. She can't think like me and I damn sure don't want to think like her. Mm-mm, mm-mm. So I had to learn that silence is golden. You'll see me every once in a while. I put a zipper right across here. Don't say where are you going nanny to a meeting over 50 years you're still making the meetings bye out the door I go I cannot tell her that I'm not cured that the progression of alcoholism is still going on inside of me I will never be cured and I love you guys who go out there and come back because I haven't heard it in 54 years that is so fine out there I believe you. That's why I'm not going back out there, because it's out there waiting for me. Satan don't like me sober. Oh, he tests me all the time. He'll put something in my way. But I learned through the Bible, James 1, verse 12, in this life, you're going to be tested upon tested. But if you pass that test, God's got something good for you. Believe Liz when she say, put money in your baskets that go in your rooms. Please do that because that pays the rent. One time in AA you didn't have to pay rent but then when they start putting insurances on buildings they had to charge you rent and so you put coffee was 25 cents when I came in. Then it went up to a dollar. Now today I put two dollars in the basket because the coffee is high and groups are self-supporting so think about that they have to buy literature pay rent cake coffee for you to come in to put a dollar in no dues or fees look what you're getting free free it was freely given so you should freely give and it's wonderful anytime I have ever given anything it has come back to me double fold watch it happen in your life watch it happen it does happen you hold it to you it's no good my daughter's granddaughter says why are you giving me this i said because i came in the world with nothing and i'm leaving with nothing so while i'm here i'm going to give and do the best that i can i'm gonna suggest and notice i'm not telling any drunk what to do because you don't tell a drunk what to do. Keep making your meetings. Get the enthusiasm back into AA, please. Keep loving and caring for each other. You see, years ago when I came in, if I got a 12-step call, off went the food, out came the ironing cord. If I was even having sex, that had to stop. Everything stopped to run to pick up a drunk. And I used to bring the drunk into my home because there was no rehabs or halfway homes or nothing 54 years ago. Nothing did you have. And I used to say to Mr. Bailey, can I bring this drunk? I'm stuck out here in the street with the drunk. He said, yeah, bring him in. And sometimes he would help me with a drunk over the weekend so we could get that drunk back on his job. I couldn't find their cars though. I lost many a car because they don't know where they park them themselves. you know that but I would have that drunk back on his job on a Monday from July the 11th 1952 till today which is August the 4th I believe I have not been a day without one of you not a day in my knowledge at a meeting five years ago and I went into a coma and from the coma I went into a stroke. All this right side was doing this in the head and the leg and I asked one of my grandchildren to watch me at night to see if I was doing it in my sleep. I was and one day I decided I'm so sick of this shaking I reached over and turned on my radio. I love music. That's why I tell you to come on in the AA, go to those group anniversaries, do the slide do the slide yeah and do the bumpy bump you know they do the bump the bump yeah you don't come in here to drop dead no no so I turned that radio on and a jazz station came on and I took this shakes and I was just shaking with the honey out, that stroke left me. That stroke left me and my friends are disfigured from strokes, they can't talk, they can't walk and look what God has done. I didn't do that. I'm not that powerful but I do know these rooms are healing rooms. I don't care what's going on in your life, make sure you get to an hour meeting. And stop bitching about an hour meetin'. Do I have to go to them meetings? I don't want to be bothered with them meetings. Them drunks is crazy. And then you get sober, you see how crazy you were too. Yeah. But a lousy hour will save your life and save somebody else's life. It's not just you anymore, not just me. I want to tell each one of you so dearly, you got that time sign up? Yeah, good. I wanna tell each on of you, so dearily, how grateful I am for these days that I've had with you. I hope you never forget Liz Bailey. I'll hope you'll never forget how much she loved you, how she'll go to any lengths for anyone of you. And I never, you know, they say, Oh, you're always so busy. It's the busy people that got the time. It's to people that don't do nothing that don' have the time." Believe me when I tell you. Believe me, when I'll tell you, believe me. Get busy, get into action. This whole fellowship is about action. Fellowship, working and loving and caring for each other. That's all I know. You've got over half my life here. August the 15th, I'll be 85 and I mean a swinging 85. I'm gonna tell you like the big book says and I'm going to close. If you have not gotten a higher power by night now, please find one. My daughter happens to be a Muslim. I have 17 grandchildren that I see by appointment only. No, I don't believe in babysitting anymore, girls. I'm sorry. I'm too busy taking care of Liz, taking care me, and enjoying my last days. I want to enjoy every day that God gives me. This is the day that the Lord has made. Let me be glad and rejoice in it instead of whining and complaining because when you rejoice, he'll give you everything that you need believe me when you whine and complain you keep yourself down and you don't want that and get out of the negative and get into the positive of life again it's a wonderful life it was wonderful I can't even express it is so wonderful I have to watch myself with it it gives so good it scares the devil out of you and I noticed most of you drunks can't handle good no I watch that but the attitude plus gratitude will equal your recovery find something every day to be grateful for if it's just one thing and I don't care how down you are it'll pull you up it will pull you right up gratefulness and find a God of your own understanding my daughter happens to be a Muslim and she says mother are you accepting me as a Muslim I said you join who dis him Buddhism I really don't care whose ism as long as it helps you be a better person I'm not raising my children anymore they're 66 50 50 those are the two I have left and a mother rather go before their children but I thank God I was in AA that I could see my children go before me. So love each other, please. Speak nice to each other. Do nice things with each other. That's the AA that I know. And if you can get a May Grapevine, you'll read in there just like I've spoken to you today. That is the interview I had over the telephone. And I had to call them and thank them that they did such a terrific job. So read that May grapevine of this year, and it's wonderful. And get the subscriptions anyway. They're nice meetings away from home, okay? Not that I'm promoting anything, you know. No, I'm not doing that. We don't do that in AA, no. But I'd just like to leave something nice with you. God be with all of you. And when you say that Lord's Prayer, please listen to the words. they're very important words I heard back in New York they want to take the Lord's Prayer out of AA but for 70 some years it's been said all day and night and I don't think my father's going to let that happen because it's so powerful to us