Lila R. at the 33rd International Womens Conference – 1997

About This Speaker Tape

Huntington Park, 1969. A "hole in the ground" where the air smelled of stale coffee and the men wore silver cowboy belts. Lila R. arrived terrified, suffering from alcoholic paralysis and a soul that felt as small as the weenie little room she entered. She describes a life spent chasing the "easier, softer way," drinking anything brown or white until she hit a plateau of complete madness. For Lila, sobriety wasn't a sudden light but a slow grind of habits—putting the cap back on the toothpaste and making the bed to keep the angels from sliding away.

Even with decades of sobriety and the trappings of executive success, she fought a "soul sickness" and an innate sense of disappointment. She speaks of the "disease of potential" running neck and neck with the bottle. Only by returning to the Big Book and the rooms did she move from merely not drinking to actually living, trading the wreckage of her mind for a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Lila R. opens with a humorous struggle to find Chapter 5 in her book and mentions her 'hot flashes' at the convention.
• 5:30 Laughter: Lila R. discusses her 'driving problem' and the anticipation of other drivers' stupidity.
• 12:00 Lila R. describes her childhood in Ireland and the 'accoutrements' of her early drinking habits.
• 18:00 The 'hole in the ground' in Huntington Park: Lila R. describes her first meetings and the 'cowboy' types like Duke C.
• 25:00 Laughter: Stories about the 'jelly doughnuts' and the coffee that 'shot' the teeth of the old-timers.
• 32:00 Lila R. discusses the 'habits of sobriety' and the specific instruction to 'put the cap back on the toothpaste.'
• 40:00 Lila R. explores the concept of 'soul sickness' and the desperation that led her back to the Big Book.
• 48:00 Discussion of the 12 Steps as a personal process of balance rather than perfection.
• 55:00 Lila R. describes her nightly ritual of writing questions to the 'Great Spirit' to clear her mind before sleep.
• 62:00 Lila R. reflects on her journey from a child of disappointment to a woman in love with herself.