Leslie S. on Step 1, the Intellectual Alcoholic, and the Alpha-Woman Mother

About This Speaker Tape

November 1988. A bathroom floor, cold and hard, and a body shrunken to 88 pounds. Leslie S. describes herself as an "intellectual variety" alcoholic, a woman who tried to tear apart the root of every word to sound profound while her life was a wreckage of "liquid lunches" and blackout nights in laundry room closets

. Raised by an "alpha-woman" mother who was a dominant, physically abusive force, Leslie spent her youth as a caretaker, ironing plaid skirts and polishing Oxfords out of fear. She drifted through the 80s as a predator in clubs, chasing a feeling of being "taller" and "prettier" through Zombies and Long Island Iced Teas.

After a moment of surrender, she found an "umbilical cord called sponsorship" to feed her spirit. Now 31 years sober, she views her life as a "beautiful love story" with her Higher Power, moving from the "spiritual coma" of ego to a primary purpose of staying awake and helping others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction by the moderator and Leslie S. begins her talk.
• 2:30 Leslie S. discusses her 'umbilical cord' of sponsorship and her connection to Fran F.
• 6:15 Laughter: Leslie S. describes her childhood with an 'alpha woman' mother and the fear of being knocked upside the head.
• 12:40 Story of 'spiking the punch' at 16 and waking up in a laundry room closet.
• 18:20 Leslie S. describes her 'liquid lunches' at Pacific Bell and the 80s party scene.
• 24:10 The bottom: Wasting away to 88 pounds and the 'ounce of willingness' on November 2, 1988.
• 31:00 Discussion on the 'bondage of me' and the Third Step Prayer.
• 36:45 Raw and Emotional: Leslie S. opens up about her son's depression and suicidal ideation.
• 42:10 Leslie S. discusses the 'spiritual coma' and the danger of sliding back into a REM sleep in recovery.
• 48:00 Closing thoughts on the 12 and 12 and the importance of praying for those who are sick.