Len B. Found the Truth About Genetic Allergy in the Basic Literature

well I kind of feel a little nervous here guys you know I'm all shook up I guess it's my job to talk and your job to listen let's hope the hell we finish our jobs at the same time right always works out better that way I'm Len Burkett and I'm an alcoholic so over today there's a great of God and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm really emotional. I don't know what's happening here. I think it was that damn Bob talking last night. He just, you know? Oh, thank God. All I know is about AA. I know nothing about treatment centers, psychiatrists, any of that stuff. You know, inner child, outer child, bipolar, north polar, south polar. I don' t know about that stuff, you I just don't. All I know is what's in this book, and it saved my life, and it gave me a life. Oh, shit, kidneys are right under my eyes, you know? They just live there. Like was said, I was born in Prince Howard, Saskatchewan. I had a normal upbringing. I met many people in AA who said they drank to escape the pain of their childhood or their upbringing, and I'm sure that's true. I can say it's true My parents owned a greenhouse, flower shop, nursery. They were well-respected in the community. I went to church. I sang in the choir. I won Bibles for biblical knowledge. I went TO school. I went To Cubs. I was president of our little Red Cross club. As I was growing up, I was president of our teen club. Went to see cadets. Was executive of the horticultural society in town. I was a member of D. Malay. Everything was fine. You know? It was life like it was supposed to be. God was in heaven. And I was here and I was doing my thing. And then I discovered booze. Now that was the most foul-tasting, bloody stuff I ever had in my entire life. But people were saying this was good, so it had to be good. I remember my father greeting to me from King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table when I was a kid going to bed. I was brought up with all these morals. I was brought up of the search for the golden chalice, of being responsible, of loyalty, of honesty, of all these things. This was all part of my upbringing. Somehow or other, it just evaporated. You know, booze and polystrip are the same thing because it takes stuff away. It just takes it all away. I left school in grade 10 this girl I've been hanging around with 3 or 4 years and you know what kind of happens you know all that sort of stuff like it's kind of like this little old lady from the old folks home a fella asked her out for a date I don't know who he was maybe he was Bob or something like that so she went over to see Claire and Claire had gone out with him, you see. She said, well, what's he like? He says, well he came and was all dressed up and I bought a new dress and we went out and we wanted for dinner and we were dining and dancing and to a show and it was beautiful. We went home we went in for a nightcap he ripped that dress off me and had his way with me twice. She said oh my God, I shouldn't go with him. Oh yeah, do, do. Just don't buy a new dress. So then I lost my train of thought. I don't know where the hell I was, you know? But anyways, we got married. Five months later, we had a baby, and I went to work for my father. I started a little business after I'd finished, you now, worked eight hours for my father, and then I went and started on this other business, landscaping houses, and where I come from, well in summertime the sun doesn't go down until 11 o'clock or a little after 11. It was long hours you know. But man I had the energy, I had the ambition, I Had everything and it wasn't too long before we started talking to contractors about building our houses but it seemed, I don't know what interfered with what whether it was all this working interfered my drinking or my drinking interfered with all this working. But it wasn't too long before I was sitting in the bar, never mind going out and working. So I thought I had a grainy idea. I went and joined the militia. It's called, I guess, in the U.S., it's the National Guard with 44th Medium Battery, Gunnar Burkert, L-803-795. How about that? A long time ago, you know. And I did that because we got extra money. Well, that started interfering with my drinking. So as time went on, it was just... I'd go to the bar about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Around 6 or so, I'd head for the greenhouses, shut everything down, get it all ready, go back to the barn at 11 o' clock or so. If I remember correctly, they flicked the lights about 11.30 and you had to be out by 12. I'd buy a box of beer, I'dgo sit out in the bush, and I'd drink the sucker. I had a wife at home I had kids at home I had to go to work I had quite a fairly decent place to live what the hell was I doing sitting out in the bush drinking this god damn beer and that's the way it was I recall one time I must have known there was something wrong with me because I used to go this bar and I went in there and I had two beer walked out the back door went over to another bar, had two beer. Left there, went over for another beer, bar, and had two beers. Walked down the street to another bars, had 2 beers. Went to another bar, 2 beers, went to another and had 2 beers. And by the time I got back to where I originally started, the bar was closed because they used to close at supper time. So I'd go to the cocktail lounge and wait until the bar opened and back to the bar. And in that way, I guess I thought people would not know how much I was drinking, you know? Including me. I had no bloody idea, you know. It seemed absolutely normal behavior, you know. And it was just a thing to do. Anyways, I loved my wife. I loved my kids. But booze became the most important thing in my life. And there's a fellow sitting here, old Silversides over there. And I was 21 years old and he was a salesman. He used to come up to Prince Albert and sell stuff to my father. And all the way from Prince Albert to Melfort and back, I think I was about 21, maybe 20. It was about 1960 in that area. He 12-stepped me about Alcoholics Anonymous. Wow. I was having too much fun. I was having nothing to do with this stuff. I wasn't an alcoholic because everyone knew an alcoholic had to be at least 65. You know, you knew that. I was around 20. Everyone knew you had to drink out of a brown paper bag. I never did that. Everyone knew you had live under a bridge. Hell, I had a nice place to live in. It belonged to my parents. I ran home to mom and dad every now again, you know. I could not possibly be an alcoholic. But he said, well, if you ever find booze using you instead of you using it, look us up. And you know when I hear people come into AA and say, well I abused alcohol? No. You are abused by alcohol. Not the other way And it takes a while to come to realize this, that you are powerless over this goddamn stuff. And that's the way you are. It has nothing to do with your mental state, has nothing to do what your upbringing, in my opinion, it has to do with your genetics and if that's they way you're made, you have this allergy, you've got it. And there's dick all you can do about it. The only thing you can is not drink or die. of choices. I mean, what the hell? If you don't drink and you don t die, you get to be sober a long time, right? Isn t that how it works? It s supposed to work. Anyways, after telling him I was having too much fun with this stuff, my wife didn t want me. She had had enough. She remarried, changed the kids names. My parents really were kind of I guess I still had my job because it was my father. but I thought the only thing for me was to die like I never ever wanted to hurt anybody else just me, this is who I wanted to hurt and I was going to go down to the river and jump off this bridge it was a brand new bridge it was John Diefenbaker Bridge I don't know why this is important but it was and nobody had jumped off it before so I was going to be the first And I walked down there, and I don't know whether this is real or not, but it seemed like a very overcast, cloudy day. Just a real good day for suicide. And I just knew how everyone was going to act at my funeral. That poor boy. Oh, that poor lad. But there was a cement wall along the river that they had built to keep it in its channel and a pipe fence had been on top of it but the ice had come up and knocked it off and there was these bolts sticking out of the concrete. Well, I tripped on one of these suckers and down I went. And I scrambled like hell to get out of there. I tell you, you know, it doesn't make any sense. You're going to kill yourself. Here's the opportunity and oh no, you don't. So I can recall to this day crawling up, scraped and bloodied from over top of this wall and laying on the grass and watching the second hand of my watch go around and wondering what the hell is going to become of me. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. It's just not. People were walking by and they were laughing and I came to the realization that there would be no hole in the universe if I left. No one would really miss me. In fact, they may even be happy that I'm not around anymore. So I got up and went to the bar and just continued to drink. That was my answer. Now, I wasn't an alcoholic. I wasn'T any of these things. I was just a poor, misguided, misunderstood, intelligent young man. That's how I saw myself. Well, I met another lady and this time I used my intelligence, my God-given intelligence because she could drink the same as I could drink. She would be puking over one side of the bed and I was pukING over the other and life was beautiful, you know? It was just marvelous, you now? But, you knOw, how one thing leads to another. She got pregnant. We moved to Calgary. It was in 1964. I worked at this, well today it's Golden Acres but in those days it was Peterson Brothers Greenhouses and I worked there and did a pretty good job. Somewhere along the line I don't remember drinking all that much but I do remember leaving bits and pieces of my car in the bay parkade. You've got to go all around those goddamn things. There was a bar not too close at the governor's lounge, I think. I don't quite remember. Anyways, one evening I got home. Knock on the door. Here's two detectives. And they were questioning me. Well, what are you talking about? And I said, well, where's your wife? She was in the bedroom with the little boy. So they went in there, and then they come out, and they say, well, you don't know what's going on, do you? No. Well, she phoned us and said she was going to kill you. Oh? You know? Oh, yeah. Well, big deal. She was just a little bit of a thing, and I thought, well, hell, look at me, you know. And the guy says, well, that's what you all say. but you can't stay awake 24 hours a day so they ended up taking her away to Ponoka but she wouldn't stay there we went back to Prince Albert mainly because Saskatchewan was the only place who had Medicare in those days or hospitalization she went to see a psychiatrist I guess living with me kind of drives people crazy or something Anyway, she sort of got straightened out, kind of. I went back to work for my father. But I didn't quit drinking. It seems like my drinking only got worse. And then one day, well, actually it was in November. I was in a play. It was a play in Saskatoon. The odd couple. I was Murray the cop. And I quit drinking in November, December. January, January 3rd is my belly button birthday and now I remember this because when you read in the book that it's the first drink that does it and you hear this from other people February 17th we had a staff party and I had a black Russian and she says to me well I thought you weren't drinking I said well I was just having one Okay. So after that party was over, we went to another one. And because I was not drinking, I was the bartender. Right. Well, I'd pour somebody a drink and just straight. From then up until April 8th, I would just piss. For, I don't know, I don' t think I ever was sober. I have really no idea how much I drank, other than I drank a lot. And on February 7th, we had another big Donnybrook. Away she goes. The police show up. And I knew that another life was over. Another family was gone. I just knew it inside. And the only answer I knew was to die. Why the hell am I suffering like this? Every time I try and do something, nothing works out. So I don't know where I got this from. I must have heard it from someone who came back from the other side. But if you get in the bathtub and you fill it with warm water and you lay there and slit your wrist, it doesn't hurt, you see? You can lay there undyed quite peaceably, you know? So that's what I was going to do. So I went to the medicine cabinet to get these razor blades, and looking back at me was a 65-year-old man. I mean, it's a miracle. Stop, stop. Looking back at me was a 65- year-old man. He had a three-day growth of beard on his face. He had a cap on and he had a butt hanging out of his mouth. And that wasn't me. I was 28 years old. I had hair in those days. You know? Holy shit. Yeah. Maybe it's true. So I went and I sat down, drank the rest of the beer. Maybe I am an alcoholic, maybe I'm not. I didn't know. It wasn't as I could see it. But in the morning, I phoned Alcoholics Anonymous or I knew a fellow who was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. He was a father of one of our gang. They had three kids and we all sort of hung around together, the name of Elmer Hicks. And I called him and he came down and came to the greenhouse and says, hi Lenny. Nobody had called me Lenny for years. For years they used other names they would choose to use. How are you doing? Oh great. Wonderful. Just tried to kill myself but I'm fine. Never mind. He said good but not so good. Just the right thing at the right time. And he took me in the house and he had a little list there and we talked a little bit about alcoholism and then he went through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and he said, if you are willing to do these things, I am willing to help you. If you're not, don't bother me because there's other people I could spend my time with. And we went through them and this was a long time ago and I can recall him talking about step four and he said, hey, I'm not a motor supply business. And he said that it's kind of like fixing your car. You just take it apart and if you've got parts that are no damn good you throw them away and get some new ones. And he asked me, did I believe in God? Well, at that point in my life, no, I didn't. And he says, you're going to have to. don't sweat it, don't worry about it but you're going to have to he asked me to pray what the hell should I pray for I don't believe in God he says well pray that you will well I was desperate enough to do whatever the hell I was told now there's something else he told me oh yeah, he asked how long did I think I could stay sober And I thought, well, three months. Because I had been sober for three months before I'd gone back drinking. He says, don't. Don't stay sober for 3 months. Don't say sober for a week. Don't put some impossible goal in front of yourself. Simply stay sober today. And half a day if one is too much. And put your goddamn pride in your pocket and don't try and do it alone. Phone me or phone someone before you drink. Not after. You take that first drink, who the hell knows what's going to happen. So I said, okay. There's a meeting tonight, he says, but you can't go. You don't know enough. I've never heard anyone else say anything like that. But that's what he said and I think there was a certain amount of wisdom in that because I went to a beginner's meeting. I never ever heard anyone say sit down and something will rub off on you. No, I didn't hear that. I didn't hear someone say, I'm not ready to do this or that or anything else. All I heard is, this is what you do. This is how it works. This is what I heard the first meeting I went to. So they were on the last part of Step 12, the first meet-up. The first meeting we went to, and all I could do was sit in the corner and cry. And people would come up, shake my hand, welcome, Len. My wife left me, oh, have a cookie. And then some Weisenheimer would come along and say, well, if you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary. Right in between shit and syphilis. It's right there. You come here, you get answers. That's what you're here for. Okay. The next meeting I went to, they were on step one. But I had, I think I must have, well, I drank like a pig. I know that. Just like a bloody pig. That night, after I had fallen, was the one and only time that I ever had DTs. And I was laying on this bed and these big spiders the size of dinner plates were coming out of the wall. Man, they must have had some kind of web because they come straight out, you know? And they were crawling all over my body but none of them ever came at my pace. And I recall standing in the doorway was death. Was, you now, the guy with the scythe and the black robe and the skeletal fingers. I can recall that. And I laid in that bed and someone who didn't believe in God I'll tell you, I prayed my ass off, you kno? I just laid there, yea, though I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. That's an experience I wouldn't want to go through again. It wasn't fun. It ain't fun, you know, guys. Sometime that evening, I guess it was just before the meeting, they knock on the door and open the door. Here's a girl I used to go to school with. and we talked, hey how great to see you wonderful and then I started thinking what the hell she's doing here ah she's a hooker yeah she knows my wife is gone and she's come to ply her trade right so I said to her what are you doing here she said, I heard you called for help oh, you're one of them? I said, yeah and something inside me clicked that if she was there it couldn't be that bad because being an alcoholic was the most degrading disgusting thing that any individual could do there was nothing worse I could have stood on the street in the main street of town with one of those big sandwich boards You know, saying I've got VD rather than go to AA. That was, man, how could anything be so, how could a person degrade themselves and come down to such a rotten existence, you know? Later on that night after the meeting, knocking on the door, this fellow comes in, hi, I'm so-and-so, you're Len, yeah, you asked for help. Remember, don't drink, you are doing this for yourself, If you're not doing it for anyone else, don't drink one day at a time. Read the big book. Go to meetings. Do what it says to do and knock on the door. Another guy comes in. Hi, I'm so-and-so. You're Len. You asked for help? Doing it for yourself. Stay sober one day of the time. Read the Big Book. Do this. Do that. Knock on the floor. Another guy come in. Same thing over and over and over. What kind of goddamn organization is this anyways? They arranged to have all these people come. I looked at them like salesmen or something. And they're all telling you the same thing. Christ almighty, at least tell somebody something different. But no, and it's the same today. Don't drink one day at a time, read the big book, trust God, go to meetings, do the steps. That's what they were telling me. That was the night ahead with ETs and Thursday night was the first meeting I ever went to. I shook I sweated I was on that emotional roller coaster for I don't know it wasn't fun I tell you one thing it is so much easier to stay sober than to get that way so if you can stay sober I'm not sure when this happened somehow or other I'd say around 11 days like I was really a sick puppy I guess today they're lucky in a rubber room or some god damn thing but I was they told me to read the big book and I tried you know, I hadn't slept I would sleep maybe 15-20 minutes at a time and then I'd wake up shaking and crying emotional turmoil I tried to read the book pretty hard maybe a sentence, couple sentences That's the only powers of concentration I had left in me. That was it. This evening, I came home and I was trying to read that goddamn book and I Was Shaking and Swearing and I WAS Crying and I ended up with my rolling around on the floor just full of self-pity and remorse and fear and all those good things you go out to get, you know. And I grabbed that book and I heaved that son of a bitch across the room as hard as I could, you feel? And it hit the wall and it fell open on the couch. And somehow or other, you know, crawling around, I got up on my hands and knees and there it was. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. And I knew. I knew in here something happened. God damn it, I wish I could cry. knew this was a shit. But I knew it was a miracle. Just as I had looked in that mirror and I saw this alcoholic looking back at me, something happened. I knew I did not have to live the way I was living. Not anything anyone told me. I don't know. It was just those words jumped out of that page and they became part of me. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That was April 8, 1968. I haven't had a drink since. And that's... You notice I said haven't have a drink sense. I didn't say have to have a dream sense. And I'll tell you why because I heard of this fellow at a meeting says I'm so and so I haven't had to have a drink for the past six months and his buddy looked at him and said bullshit you were pissed last week he says yeah but I didn't have to be so I don't say that anymore I stay away from that kind of stuff and I can tell you honestly it's not because of me it's in spite of me that power greater than myself has kept me sober whether I wanted to or not there's been how are we doing, oh we've got a little time you come into AA and they talk about being powerless over alcohol well I didn't know about that I was 28 years old for God's sakes they talk abut life being unmanageable Well, I didn't know about that. Hell, I had food. I had a roof over my head. It never mattered that I was trading down in cars. That didn't make any sense. But still, it wasn't unmanageable. But I heard someone say my life was unbearable. And yeah. My life was Unbearable and it was only in AA for a while before I came to realize that I was alcoholic. That I had this allergy to alcohol. and in my opinion that's how I was born there was something different about my drinking than the people I started out with hell the people i started out within life they're all married still with the same person you know nice homes nice this nice that normal kind of life mine wasn't that way you know so step one took a while for me I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. That power greater than me was AA, although some marvelous things had already happened to me. I belligerent denial, I guess, does God business? You know, God was the creation of man to perpetuate the employment of priests, rabbis, and whatever, you know. Christ, I knew two women got pregnant. I knew virgins didn't have babies. I knew that. Or so I thought. So God was not really a factor. Although today I can look back and say God was a factor to that power greater than me was IA. It was the people in it. It was a program. And in many ways, that's the way it is today. that Alcoholics Anonymous is a power greater than me and I really do truly believe that God walks in these rooms and speaks so listen listen to what's being said and step three made a decision to turn my will and life over the care of God well I turned it over to AA and the only damn way you can do that is to go on and do the rest of the steps You can sit and philosophize and justify and theorize and pretend you're some sort of apprentice priest or whatever. But unless you take a decision to take action, you got dick. You got nothing. So you do step four. And the group I started out with, they went through the fourth step two weeks. They used the 12 by 12. And after the second week, I went home, I got in bed with the pencil and paper and I did step four. There was no fear because someone else was running the show not me. It was my job to work it was my Job to do what was in front of me it's kind of like the guy who turned his will and life over the care of God and they come along in his truck and they say there's a flood coming, jump in we're evacuating there's no way because God is looking after me I don't have to worry. Well, flood comes. He's up on the second floor. Well, then comes a boat and says, get in. It's going to get worse. No. God's looking after me. I don't have to worry. He's upon the roof. The water is higher. A helicopter comes. Same thing. God is looking after me. Aren't I wonderful? Well, the water gets higher and he drowns. He goes to heaven and he sees God and he says, what the hell is the matter with you? I turn my will and life over to carry you and you kill me God says I sent you a truck I sent your boat I sent a helicopter what more do you want in front of you in front of you is step 4 you do the best you can with whatever in front that's turning over your will things don't happen by coincidence They happen. So you do step four, and I did it that one night, basically one sheet of paper, and I never ever felt the need to do it again. And this is over 40 years ago. I know lots of people rush back and they do it and they doing this and they're doing that. That's fine. It works, but that's what I did. And step five, well, I made my appointment in step five. and when I phoned this guy he was an archdeacon in an Anglican church I was a confirmed AnglicAN he had been part of it when I first got married there was two priests he was a archdecan and a priest who had married me two of them you'd think it would work eh you just didn't do that I really resented the church for that God has joined together let no man put us under well it didn't work out that way three times I walked up to his door sweat was running down my arms down my side I didn't want to do this there's no damn way three times I finally knocked the door knocked the doorway rang the doorbell he came and answered me answered the door and we went in we sat down he smoked and I smoked and that just set me at ease I had my step four with me went over it and then he started bringing things out of me that I didn't even know was in there and I think it's important that you do your step five with someone who knows what you're doing maybe someone who has a little bit of intellect you know someone who can help you so I'd just sit there and cry and he'd say we'll come back next week we'll get through this you know and that's what I did I spent that week just thinking about this stuff. And I went back there and we got through the whole thing. And I was free. And he said one thing to me then that made me more willing. And that is, you know, I explained to him my resentment against religion, against church. And He said, well you know to me hell was a big stick that people used to beat you with. You do what I say or you're going to hell or you doing this. And He says, well how about hell being the absence of God? and yeah, the bells went off the whistles blew, the lights flashed I'd been living in hell there had been no God in my life for a long time so I became willing I just became willing, I didn't understand it all I knew is God is God, God is god that's basically all I new and I was told to do step 6 right after you do step 5 and I went out to this place where I used to go swimming as a kid and I laid there I read the 12 the step 6 in the 12 by 12 and I prayed and I meditated and I watched the beavers and the birds and the clouds and just I left my body I saw myself laying there in Saskatchewan how that looked in Canada how that looked on earth, how that looked in the universe and I was just a speck just a little speck and what the hell was I so excited about but yet I was a unique speck and so was everyone else just like a snowflake that I had had good experiences and bad experiences but they could all be used by other people. I could be of use. I belonged to this universe and I, I don't know, I was just free. It was okay. I belong. It was for me to be me. And that isn't that easy if you don't what the hell you are. You know? And that's the journey, I think. Finding out just really what your... I knew what I was at 18, 17. You know, but it was gone. It just disappeared. It polystripped away, you know. Step seven, shortcomings? Well, you know, humility. I was told that the whole thing is humility is to be teachable or to accept reality with serenity and the reality is we're not bad people. You know, we have a disease. The reality is each and every one of us has some sort of special gift or attribute to do something. And we have a responsibility to use that, to be yourself. Don't think you're a bad person because you're a sick person. Go out there, build this arch to freedom and walk through it and be a useful part of society. To me, that's what step seven is all about. And step eight, made a list. Who the hell can write these days? Maybe not everyone. And nowhere in there does it say made a list of all persons we were harmed while drinking. Like, I was lucky. I was 28 years old, so I didn't have a great big list. So I made the list and I was willing to make amends to them because that's how it worked. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Be willing. And that's why I was willingly. It wasn't that I was so much sorry for what I did. I was sorry I got caught lots of times, you know? But I was willing to make it because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and God damn it, I wanted out of that bullshit. You know, I just did. And step nine, I went over my list with Elmer. He advised me who to go to, who not to go to, and I went and did it. It just wasn't that hard. And then things started to happen. The freedom started to have. I could walk down the street and look people in the eye. I didn't have to cross over anymore. I came to realize that I was an individual and I had a right to be me and I could just do these things. So I made a decision that I Was going to leave my parents' company. It had become a company then. My brother had chairs, my sister had chairs. My mother had chairs and my father had chairs as I had chairs man. We shared a lot, you know, it was really great. It's not easy working for your family. I don't give a shit who you are. It ain't that easy. So I went, I'll tell you this story. I was going to go and work on the oil rigs and make a lot of money and build myself a little greenhouse and flower shop, you know, one to emulate my father. So I Went down to Pin Round Pitcher Creek where they were drilling down there. I knew a fellow. I looked around. I thought, Jesus, I can't stay sober in this kind of environment. I just did not believe I could do it. Came back to Calgary and I got a room in the Beacon Hotel. right above the bar. And I heard the music playing, and I look out the window, these little girls in short skirts were walking in there, like, here we go, Daddy. This is her, you know. Three times I walked down to that door. I don't know why things happen in threes all the time to me, but they seem to. I looked in the phone book, no AA, it was ripped out. So I... So I thought I'd phone this fellow I used to work for in Calgary. So I went to see him, and he mentioned they were looking for someone at Lake Louise. So I, I went up there, and, and I got the job. So I started there in, in May of 1970, and-and I was there for six years. And during that time, I got a call from some guy named Jerry. the same guy who had 12-stepped me all those years ago and he was living in Calgary so we got together I'll tell you something about him you're not supposed to talk about other people but I went to see him out of his apartment and he had this sword on his coffee table and he come out with this great long story about this sword how it belonged to the Duke de Jarre or some god damn thing a battle of the Norman invasion of England and it was found on the beach, and da-da-da. Oh, yeah, great story. Holy shit, isn't that something? Isn't it great to have that? You know, that's been in your family for generations. Well, years later, I was back at Jerry's and another fellow there, and I was telling him the story about this sword. He picked it up, and he looks at it, and says, well, I don't think they had alloys like this in those days, you know. He lied to me. he didn't tell me the truth I had to tell him Jerry I just did anyways while I was there I was a department head and this is really unfair because I was invited to a lot of cocktail parties for special guests like Prime Minister of Australia Trudeau Alfred Hitchcock, Joan Baez James Arnaz Joan what's her name? The singer, yeah, by us. Artie Johnson, Simon Garfunkel, all these people. I got to meet them. I made arrangements with them. Even a radio station from Boston, Massachusetts came to interview me as a prominent Canadian. Thank you. Now please consider these people from Boston aren't too damn intelligent, because I was just a goddamn gardener, that's all. What the hell did I know? Anyways, I was there for a while and then I left and had my own, worked up in Edmonton for a While and then had a little business in Oliver, B.C. and worked for the federal government in Ottawa and I grew marijuana. you want to know about Mary Jane, guys? I know how to grow it. I don't know how the smoke to suck her, but I know what it's all about. Okay, we're just about out of time here. But anyways, that's the way it is. Elmer had told me when he 12-stepped me to do step 10. He said, you take your inventory today and where you have gone wrong, do what you can to put it right. And that's what I did. He told me to pray and he told me to meditate. And that's what I did. And that is still what I do. In step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps. Don't sweat it in step 2 or 3 or whatever. Just do it and something happens. You will know a new freedom. You will instinctively know what the hell to do. You'll know God is doing for you what you cannot do for yourself. You'll just know. And I want to, I'll just close with this because to me it's very important. There's this fellow who fell down this hole, hopeless hole of, well, of despair. A doctor walks by and he yells out, help me, help me! And he writes out a few prescriptions and throws it down the hole. Away he goes. A priest comes along and he says, help me, help me. He writes out a few prayers. Throws it down the hole. And another fellow comes along. He says, help me. Help me. He jumps down the hole. You ain't too bright, you know. Now we're both trapped down here. He says no. I've been here before and I know the way out. Take my hand and follow me into the sunshine. God bless you. Applause