Larry S. on Faith Without Works and the Mechanics of Step 12

First thing you want to do then is go down to Confederate Avenue. Confederate Avenue is the Department of Motor Vehicles or Driver's License Bureau or whatever. It's a big place down there. And talk to these people and get some clear-cut idea of exactly how this deal is going to go down. He says, okay. He gets a ride down there, he walks up to the window and this big woman is back behind the window and she's busy. typical government employee right he says man my name is paul hill i'm here to talk with you about my driver's license and so she puts him in the computer and he pops up she says that'll be 37 dollars he says what do you mean she says sir i said it's 37 dollars he said for what she says for your license he says excuse me just a minute he goes out in the hallway he calls me on his throwaway cell phone leary this lady says she wants to give me my license for 37 dollars i said yeah he says but she didn't mention any of that other stuff i said paul go get your license so he goes in and he says would you take a look and see if there's any she says sir do you want your license or not do you see where this is going she gives him the license and he calls me up he's feeling guilty i said tell you what paul just to make you feel better hang on i'm going to call my sponsor. I call my sponsor and my sponsor says, did you tell him to pick up the license? I said, yeah. He says, you know what's happened? He's fallen through the spiritual red tape here. You with us? So here's the cool part. Paul's got his license. There's no DUI requirement. The other three counties that are outstanding have been banished that doesn't exist anymore. He's got his license. He's walking around a free man. He can drive any place on the planet a free men can drive. He comes to me and says, I need a car. He says, I've got a few bucks because I didn't have to get that breathing machine in the school. I said, cool. I said let me ask you something Paul if you were to get a car what would you do with it? He didn't even have to think. He says I'd fill it up with drunks and take them to meetings. I said ask God for a car Paul goes to the Howe place the next morning for the breakfast club meeting at 7 o'clock he goes to a guy walks in he hadn't seen in 5 years one of his old drinking buddies and the guy says Paul it sure is good to see you do you need a car my wife and I just bought a new car and we got this Honda Civic do you want it Paul says how much he says just come get it so christian and i are doing a book study on tuesday night i almost cry every time i tell this we're doing this men's book study over over at mar and all we're standing on the sidewalk shooting the breeze before the meeting this little honda civic comes pulling in all four doors open up and look like a clown car with all these drunks falling out so he gets his car and he's taking these drucks to meetings and he names the car The car is called Lois. How cool is that? You do the work, and God shows up, man. You need a car? What are you going to do with it? I'm going to take drugs. He says, bingo. Got it. The only downside about Paul is that he was a maniacal big book thumper, and he'd go into the house place and tell them how the cow ate the cabbage. You need to get God in your life. He's preaching. Thumping the book. Thumpingthebook. He calls me up, and he says, Larry, man, I've got to buy some new tires. I said, really? What's going on? He says, came out of the house place, and I had a flat tire. I said okay. Calls me a couple days later. He says I came out from the house and two of my tires were flat. And I said Paul, are you going in there with that old big book shoving up in people's butts? He says man, just tell them the truth. I said I've go a theory. I said, if you'll find yourself another meeting, your tires will probably straighten right up. He quit going to the house place. He hasn't had a flat tire since. It raises a very good point. My first sponsee thought I was a dick because I tried to make him take this information. I triedと make him do the work. I tried tо tell him what time it was. Here the arrogance is I would walk into a room full of 20-plus year sobriety and tell them how this thing works. And they would just pat my head, tolerate me very, very well. And I realized I backed off. I don't try to tell people how this things works. I show them how these things work in my own life. I tell them what the book says. I desperately try to keep my opinions and ego off of it. I fail, but I try to keep it off of it. And most importantly, when somebody wants what's in this book, I pull them one-on-one. In a room full of men, there's a lot of power in this room, but this thing works for me, my experience. It works real good when I'm down in the dirt with one other, working one-to-one because that's the magic right there. We were talking outside yesterday about how magical this place feels. Larry and I know the exact truth. There was some magic here when we walked here on Thursday afternoon. Boy, there's a whole lot of magic that was in this place. When we walked through the doors Friday after we were up there soaking in that hot tub. We came back and I told Chris, I said, this place has come alive, man. Y'all were buzzing around here. See, there was only six or eight of us. We came here and y'all are all doing this. And I went, wow, can you feel that? Energy. I want to regress just a second. Something I failed to cover. We were talking about the prayer and we read this prayer. and this is my prayer partner. It's very important that you know I hold this man's hands and I pray with him every week. Here's the key. I have no idea who, where or what he's praying to. I've never asked. None of my business. I don't care. Here's a key. I watch his life and I see God manifested in his life whatever that is. You with me here? It doesn't matter. I don't care. I don' t care who you pray to, what you pray to or how you pray. Pray. Get God in your life. Whatever that means to you. It' s just none of my business. I held hands with six guys last night. Got no idea who they were talking to. None of my business. But what I saw was the willingness to huddle up at a chapel and intervene and have God intervene. And he was there last night, wasn' t he Tom? All right, let's go. All right. We finished up that last paragraph. We're going to make one reference point. We're gonna pick up at the bottom of the page 87 as we go through the day. One point is in a lot of people that need history. You know, Ruth Hawk was the original secretary for Alcoholics Anonymous would handwrite these letters back and she stumbled across this really cool sounding prayer. It goes something like this. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. And she took Reinhold Neibauer's prayer. He's given some credit for the prayer, at least. And she started including it because she thought it was really encompassing of what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous. And then the letters being sent back to the groups back in the 40s and 50s would include this prayer. Well, it's coming from central office. It's got to be AA, right? It's no more AA than the Lord's Prayer is or, you know, the Prayer of St. Francis. You know, those are just prayers that we have adopted as a fellowship. I've run into sat in meetings that were predominantly either Native American or predominantly either Jewish or predominantly, you know, and they've adopted their own prayers. And the groups have the right to do that. The book suggests read as much as you can and get as much wisdom and knowledge from all these different sources. Make use of what it is, you now? And that's a neat thing that Bill was finally able to back off his staunch prejudice of organized religion and start to adapt and bring that prayer. The one I use more often than not is a summarized version of the St. Francis. God help me love, comfort, and understand more than I'm loved, comforted, and understood. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few sets of prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. Bottom of the page. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful. That will happen for me about 100 times a day. And then we pray. Ask for the right thought or action. Constantly reminding ourselves we're no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day thy will be done. Another prayer. I am then in much less danger of anybody went to a treatment center. It was a homeless shelter, but I went to an treatment center because it was the only one I could afford. It was free one. I went there, and that was my experience. And they would talk about these things, and I hear them in meetings a lot, and it frustrates the hell out of me because I can't find it in our literature. They talk about triggers, people, places, and things, old girlfriends, your family, old employers, the dope man, old bartenders, old stomping grounds. My book doesn't reference those at all. The reference they say for triggers is excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, and foolish decisions. Wow. Those are the things that set me off, get me thinking. reacting instead of responding. The book says I've become much more efficient. I do not tire so easily. I'm not burning up energy foolishly as I did when I was trying to arrange life to suit me. I am no longer running the show. I are the actor, not the director. I is the child to my father. I the employee to my employer. It says it works. It really does. we alcoholics are undisciplined so we let god discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined but that's not all there's action and more action faith without works is dead step 12 is entirely devoted to that in the next chapter this this chapter we're about to go into the seventh chapter working with others is the only step that one entire chapter is dedicated to. So they think that's pretty important. When all else fail, work with another alcoholic will save the day is what the book tells us. So let's start out on page 89. Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It doesn't say work, it says intensive work. That's getting in the trenches, getting down in the dirt with them and let's get this thing done. And all of us have insurance against cars houses kids life insurance all these different things so why not take out a little insurance on your recovery it's only the rest of your life so how do you do that intensive work with another alcoholic it works when other activities fail this is our 12th suggestion carry this message to other alcoholics exclamation point that's an order you can help when no one else can you can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember, they're very ill. Now we hear promises about how my life is going to change. I hear promises About how different parts of lives and things change. They're all program-related promises. And this is neat because now when I get out amongst you and start carrying this message, now I get fellowship promises. Life will take on new meaning to watch people recover. Not just to see myself recover, but to watch them recover. To see them help others. Damn. Wow. To watch loneliness vanish. To see a fellowship grow up about you. To have a host of friends. See, this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. That's what I was talking about when we sat here today. This is the day that we don't like because we've watched this fellowship that you've invited us into. We've got to leave you. We've got to go back east. It's not fun because you've become a part of our lives. You've let us in. Y'all are clannish up here, but you let us in. It's okay. That's okay, come on south. I'll show you some clam, we wear the pointy hats, I'm just kidding. See? You know what, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. It says, frequent contact with newcomers. You can cut that part out of the tape. I don't want us to only be associated with that. Frequent contact with new comers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. I hope you all knew I was kidding about that. Good. Perhaps you're not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. Well, you can easily find some by going to your nearest clubhouse, asking a few doctors, ministers, priests, or hospitals. They got wind-up joints here, detoxes? Yeah. Great place to go, man. Man, I sponsor a guy who's been doing those meetings for almost four years now, and he does a book study at it. Loves it. People in there are just vibing. They may not get a whole lot about what he's doing, but he walks out high as a kite every week, loving it. He's like, I'm going to Peachford. I'm gonna walk out of there feeling better. I know I will. Says don't start out as an evangelist or a reformer. Bill's telling you, don't do what I did. He was an evangelist and a reformer. He says, unfortunately, a lot of prejudice exists. You're going to be handicapped if you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent, and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience, you are uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So we cooperate, never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim. To be hopeful is your only chore right there. We're going to go to the first full paragraph on page 90. It says, when you discover a prospect for AA, find out all you can about them. If they do not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade them. Bill's going to tell you this a couple of times here. You know? They've got to be completely willing. They have to have an interest. They've Got to Have a Desire. Or, you know, you're teaching a pig to sing. You're going piss the pig off and you're going get frustrated. it says you may spoil later opportunity this advice is then given for his family also they should be patient realizing they're dealing with a sick person page 91 third paragraph says see your man alone if possible all right very key when he's alone not you and I'm not going to say please do not go on a 12 step call by yourself I don't care if you know the guy my grand sponsor Doc Crandall is laying 6 feet under some dirt today Atlanta AA icon this guy did more for AA in our area than anybody else I know he went over on a 12 step phone and a 12-gauge shotgun came out and he tried to get it away from the young man and he took a blast full on in the belly. Do not go on a 12 step call alone. Take somebody with you because that young man's got a choice of doing two things, taking your life or taking you back out. You hear what I'm saying to you? Take somebody else with you, please. Book says at first engage in a general conversation. how about them oregon ducks watch much tv see the snow lately back in atlanta we're like how about them braves you know after a while we turn the talk to some phase of drinking tell them about enough about your drinking habits your symptoms and your experiences to encourage them to speak of themselves if they wish to talk let them do so you're going to get much better idea of how you ought to proceed If they are not communicative, give them a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit. So you tell them about your escapades. But don't say anything for the moment of how quitting was accomplished. When Bill walked in and talked to Bob, he didn't say, Dr. Bob, tell me about your drinking career. He sat down and he told him about how he thought, how he felt, how we drank, and what happened to him after he started. If he's in a serious mood, dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you. Being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood's light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his. Great place for a war story. 12-step call. Other place for an old man. Another place for war story? Tell him your story from the podium. But not in a meeting. They're here. They don't need to know how you drank. They want to know what you got better. When he sees we know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell them how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. That's key. When I learned that I was not morally corrupt, that I wasn't a drunkard, that I'm not broken, that I am not just a bad guy, I learned I was sick. That was huge. Give them account of the struggles you made to stop. Show them the mental's twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. Now, we suggest you do this as we've done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If they are alcoholic, they will understand you at once. They will match your mental inconsistencies with some of their own. And it's the most painfully obvious sign that they understand you because it looks just like this. Yeah. Especially when you're like, yeah, I felt like that. Wow, I thought like that! If my alcoholism is all I ever talk about is the DUI or the divorce or losing the career, I may miss somebody. But if I talk about the confusion or the fear or the apprehension or the indecision or the anxiety or the resentment, or I talk About all the underlying things, because see, I was a dumpster diver. And if I walk into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I talk ABOUT eating out of dumpsters, what about that alcoholic who hasn't ate out of dumpsters yet? Does that make them any less alcoholic? It just makes me a bigger knucklehead. That's all it does. Book says if you are satisfied they are a real alcoholic. Christian hit on it last night. Are we qualifying these people? Are we talking to a hard drinker or are we talking to an alcoholic? It's important. If you're convinced that he's a real alcoholic we begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Talking to them about the allergy. That's the hopeless feature. That's what kills them. Show them from your own experience how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the willpower. Talk to them about the obsession of the mind, the thought that overrides all other thoughts. Don't at this stage refer to this book unless, of course, they've seen it and wish to discuss it. And what's probably happened at this point and his wife is taking some duct tape and putting it under the toilet seat. You know what I'm saying? Be careful not to brand them as an alcoholic. Let them draw their own conclusion. If they stick to the idea they can control their drinking, tell them that possibly they can if they're not too alcoholic. It's the second time he said don't waste your time trying to convince them. I had a situation where a guy says, well, what about non-alcoholic beer? I said, sure, if you're non- alcoholic. I'm a big proponent of non-alcoholic beer for non-alkoholics, you know. That's what it's for. I mean, it's right on the label. That's who it's For, isn't it? Non-alcoolics. Non-Alcoholics? Yeah. And then you can also take them back to 31, step over to the nearest bar room, try some controlled drinking, try it more than once. It says continue, but insists that if he's severely inflicted, there may be little chance that they can recover by themselves. Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience. I don't talk to other people about their drinking. I talk to them about my drinking. Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament. Doctors are rightly loathe to tell alcoholic patients the whole truth unless it will serve some good purpose. But see, we can talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because we offer a solution. You're going to soon have your friend admitting he has many, if not all, the traits of the alcoholic. If his doctor is willing to tell him that he's an alcoholic, so much the better. They never use the word sponsor or sponsee. They use the words protégé. And it's a great definition in here. It's probably one of the – in my opinion, it's actually a better definition than the word sponseer. Protégé, one who is protected or trained by a person of experience. Wow, I'm going to take him under my wing and show him what to do and how we do it. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, they have become very curious as to how you got well. Let them ask you that question, if they will. And here's some squiggly writing. Tell them exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. If he be an agnostic or an atheist, make it emphatic. He does not have to agree with your conception of God. Larry mentioned that lady in the detox meeting, arms crossed, best tough girl look, walking out, asking the question, well, do you believe that I believe? Well, yeah. Cool. Nothing more. They can choose any conception they like, provided it makes sense to them. The main thing is that we'd be willing to believe in a power greater than yourself and that they live by spiritual principles. Guys, let's take five minutes and come back and wrap this puppy up. You want to? He needs a little, just a little toot, you know. All I want is one. He makes, you guys, we're going to wrap it up here. We are on page 93 somewhere. We just, here's a key thing. This is what I work with my sponsees. I'm going to make a suggestion as to what I do. This is What I Do. most people don't come in here happy and well adjusted with god we just as a rule we don't there's always exceptions what i suggest to them is that they can choose their own conception that goes over most people's heads i do what my first sponsor did with me write a job description and it was real simple all powerful all knowing all places as long as i put all those three things in there. For me, my experience is I take them out of any box or constraint that I will ever put them in. Then everything after that is for me. My God loves old jazz, not this new crap. Doesn't like Kenny G. He likes Sonny Rollins, you know? He likes NCAA sports and not professional because he thinks they give it more heart, you Know? He's a big fan of the Grateful Dead because these people just love to have a good time and shake their tail feathers, you Now? That's where I was in 2001. Today, I have a different relationship with my higher power and I know that I can't conceive or construct any kind of ideas behind them. But for me, that was enough to affect a conscious contact. But my sponsor also did something that I hadn't thought of. He says, make your higher power more powerful than alcohol. Make it more powerful than women make him more powerful than success or prestige or power because see i had also up here i'm thinking it's limited to drugs and alcohol he says make him mehr powerful than that and so what i did is i made that higher power more powerful then all of those things so i could turn to it because like some people will you'll hear him say that when that problem comes and i can't get him on the phone and i can't a brother in the fellowship on the phone, and the meeting just ended, and I'm, the wolves are howling. I'm going to have to be able to reach out, and if I don't have a relationship with the master, I'm not going to beable to take his hand. I am not going be able to reachout and hold on to this higher power that I've quote unquote professed but I don t really have. You know, that's the rubber meets the road kind of deal in this thing. We have just outlined the spiritual program, and now we are still with this guy, and we are outlining the program of action. First full paragraph on page 94. We've talked to him about the problem, and we've talked about the solution. Program of action, top of 94. Explain how you made a self-appraisal. Talk to him about your fourth step. How we straighten out our past. Eight and nine. And why I am now endeavoring to be helpful to him. Step 12. See, it's important for them to realize your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery actually they're probably helping you more than you're helping them you think make it plain he is under no obligation to you that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties suggest how important it is that they place the welfare of their own people of other people ahead of his own become selfless make it clear they are not under pressure they needn't see you again if they don't want to and you shouldn't be offended if he wants to call it off for he has helped you more than you've helped him. This is what I'm supposed to say, or how I'm supposed to saying it. If our talk has been sane, quiet, and what? Full of human understanding, I have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. That's what our hope is. This is all to the good. The more hopeless they feel, the better. They will be more likely to follow your suggestions. We're going to skip over and to the very top of page 95. And you've ever had a situation where you go to the detox or you go to the treatment center and you got that new guy, you take him with you you just met him. You take him mit you to an AA meeting and you swap phone numbers man and he calls you and he says I need to talk to you about something really important. Would you meet me at the 8 o'clock? So you show up, you got your cup of coffee and he said I need to ask you something really importan. Man, I'm feeling and that pride start to well up, and he goes, do you think Larry will sponsor me? Probably. I get attached to the ones that make it. I love the guys that their lives blow up, and I want to take responsibility for the ones who make it, and I'm going to take credit. But we've buried guys, guys that I've sponsored who are in the ground. So I got to be responsible for ones that don't too. And that's too much of a burden to bear. So God gets the credit. Tapas95 says, unless this guy wants to talk further about himself, don't wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you've disturbed him on the question of alcoholism, there won't be a lot of sleep that night. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. What are the women like in AA? Sometimes this new man is anxious to proceed at once. You may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If they have trouble later, they're going to likely say that you rushed them. You will be most successful alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. We never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop. Simply lay out the spiritual kit of tools for his inspection. Let him look at them. We show them how they worked for us. We offer them fellowship and friendship. We tell them if he wants to get well, we will do anything to help. Did y'all notice this? It doesn't say that we tell him how they worked with us. We show him how they worked for us. How many of you guys got young kids? Show of hands. Anybody got like a five-year-old boy? Five-year old girl. Does she fish? Yet? Okay. When this process began, I'm going to talk directly to you. did you sit her down at the table and tell her without any visuals how to tie a hook how to fly and then how you baited it with either a cricket or a worm did you tell her that do you think she would be successful with that knowledge to go out and catch a fish no but if you take her out here and you take the hook and the line and show them the proper method and show them how to jig it or put a cork on it, whatever it is. Likelihood's pretty good they're going to catch a fish. It's important, and I'm belaboring a point here, don't tell them, show them. Much more effective, okay? We're goingto skip down a full paragraph. It says, if they are sincerely interested in and they want to see you again, ask them to read this book in the interval. After reading this book, they must decide for themselves whether they want to go on. They should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his family. All right, it says after doing that, he must decide. Step three. And it says if he is to find God, that desire must come from within. If they are not hopelessly alcoholic, they will not seek a spiritual solution for their problem. if they are not dying from it why do something radical and completely out of left field like get a sponsor do a spiritual set of exercises and disciplines in order to order i can't go why would anybody do that unless they have to unless they are bound by the alcoholic covenant which is to drink is to die then it goes on to ask the question if they think they can do the job in some other way or they prefer some other spiritual approach, encourage them to follow their own conscience. This is huge. We have no monopoly on God. We merely have an approach that worked with us. Now that's so huge because in Alcoholics Anonymous we talk about Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA in Atlanta you can find different places and different meetings well-intentioned but it's not AA. I'm not sure what it is. It sounds good, but it' s not AA, and it' S not bad outside the meeting, but in the meeting , in an AA meeting, let' s keep it about AA. This path works. It' s worked for thousands and thousands and thousands of people before. This is the approach that we take. This is a path that we' re on. We' re here this weekend. Glad you' re hear, and we're not giving you our spin every time that we have had a personal opinion we've clarified that everything you've heard out of our mouths is out of this book this is what the first 100 did this was their approach yeah and the approach is key where we do our meeting thursday night in atlanta it's the glum lot we're over in dunwoody georgia you can get there from 285 or 85 or 400 or Mount Vernon Highway or Ashford-Dunwoody Road, there's like nine or ten different ways to get to the same place. They all get there. You know? Have you done the donkey story? Let me cut. All right. Did you do that? We're all riding donkeys. Every one of us. You got these guys over here riding an NA donkey. You got somebody over here riding a Hebrew donkey. I'm riding that Unity donkey, AA donkey You got some people riding that Cocaine Anonymous donkey And you got the guys riding the Muslim donkeys And here's the deal All these donkeys with us on them We're going up this hill We're all going to the same place Up to the summit You with us? But what happens on this journey Is the CA guy The Cocaine anonymous guy Looks over and he says Your AA donkey is broken and he shoots it, takes a shot at it. And then that Muslim donkey's going up there and he looks over at the guy riding the Hebrew donkey and he says, that's a sick donkey and blows his brains out. Do you see my point here? The deal is this. I don't care what donkey you're on. If you're along this slope, you're going to the same place I'm going. My donkey may not be as fast as yours, but we're all going to get there. And it doesn't matter. It's this approach. This approach, this AA donkey I'm on is working for me. And it's working just fine. And I bought this donkey from a big old corral full of AA donkeys because I saw some other guys riding that same guy. You know what's sad, though? This donkey's got chrome and leather in its butts and sputters and makes a potato, potato, potatoes noise. All right, that's enough of the donkey story. All right. Next time there ain't going to be no donkeys. We're all riding motorcycles. As the Rihonda boys are going to get some heat. There's going to be some scooter trash up in here. We merely have an approach that worked with us, but point out, alcoholics have much in common and we would like in any case to be friendly and we let it go at that. All right, flip over. Do not be discouraged if he does not respond at once. This guy, I'm going to lighten this up a little bit. There's this dyslexic AA woman. And she goes to her sponsor one night after a meeting and she says, response. She says, I've got a horrible problem with sex. It's killing me. And the sponsor says, cool. You know, there's a whole section in the book dedicated to sex problems. She says, really? She says go home and read page 69. It is all right there. So this dyslexic new AA woman goes home. She pulls a book down from the shelf and she flips over. She is supposed to go to 69, but she flips to 96 and here's what she hears. Do not be discouraged if he does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, they may soon be convinced they cannot recover by themselves and to spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic the opportunity to live and be happy so she's she's thinking cool i'll just keep hunting but if you're in my sponsorship family and you come to me and you we talk about the problem whatever it is i'm going to give you an exercise some work to do on it and you go away a couple of days later you get with me and say we're talking about that same problem and i'm gonna say did you do what we discussed well No. I'm going to say, you go read page 96 and get back to me because this is a deal. I'm not going to chase you. It's not my job. I don't own you. I am not your boss, your mom, your banker. I am no jailer or your bondsman. I am here to merely show you the path that I have been on. You are going to go to this page if you are in my family and you are stubborn or resistant to the work. It goes on to say that one of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half-dozen prospects. Bill's writing this, okay? So he writes it in a third-person kind of, you know, one of us failed entirely mit his first halfto—you know, me. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others who have since recovered— There's that silly word again. —of their chance. All right, we visited him once. Suppose now we're making our second visit to this man. He has read this book, and he says he is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of recovery. That's key because guess what? He's read about making amends. He's red about praying. He's ready about going out and helping others. None of this is going to be new to him. It may not make a lot of sense, but at least he's going to get it done. At least he'll be aware of the fact that he's making an inventory. If he's read this volume, prepared means he's made a decision. Third step. So, having had the experience yourself, you can then give him much practical advice. Sounds kind of like a sponsor, doesn't it? Yeah. Let them know you're available if they wish to make a decision. Third step? And tell their story. Step four and five. But do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. Page 98, please. First full paragraph. Bill spends a number of different paragraphs going over the exact same scenario. dependence upon god ahead of dependence upon man i like the way kip and charlie tuck their stories work out together kip was getting a ride every night for a week to a different meeting and charley would take him to a different meeting drop them off take them home after the meet day number eight rolls around he calls charlie where we going tonight because i don't know where you're going i've shown you seven meetings get your ass to a meeting And, you know, getting the car is a great first kind of out-the-gate kind of deal. I'll show you where we do it. This is where we go. This is what we gather. This is how we do things. This is just what we do. But if I start, they're dependent upon me to do it, I'm in trouble. I almost killed my first guy because I catered to him. He lived across town. I'd go get him, take him to dinner, give him money, buy him cigarettes. And guess what he depended on? Me, not God. And I got a call one night, he's killing himself. I had to go over there and we beat down the door of the EMTs and the DeKalb County cops, and he's huddled down in his underwear in a closet. Cussed me for a dog. How dare you call the police and the hospital on me? I said, call me telling me you're going to kill yourself again and I'll do it again. But that was it. Page 98 says it's not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. There we go. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. They clamor for this and that, claiming they cannot master alcohol until their material needs are cared for. Shortest sentence in the whole book, nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth, job or no job, wife or no wife, we simply will not stop drinking as long as we place a dependence upon other people ahead of a dependence upon God. There you go. That's another promise. So we burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that they can get well regardless of anyone. Only condition is that they trust in God and clean house. Skip over to bottom of page 99. Last paragraph. Let no alcoholic say they cannot recover unless they have their family back. That just isn't so. Please highlight and underline that because you're going to hear that It just ain't true. In some cases, the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. You know, it's funny how much they beat the God thing in, you know? We talked about God a lot in 3. We talked About God a Lot in 6 and 7. We talkedaboutGodalot at the end of 9 into 10 and 11. But man, we're beating this home with this guy. And in some meetings, you'll say, yeah, I think we're talking about God too much. Wow. You know, there's one meeting. Christian referred to these meetings in Atlanta. They're meetings, but there's no AA there. There's a clubhouse in Atlanta, it's Elton John's home group. There's an meeting there that you can't bring the big book in. I was invited to lead a discussion there one night. And the guy that invited me, the guy who's chairing the meeting says, you can't come out of the book. I said, well, I'm not coming. What else is there? It's like that the other side of this program the side that's not spiritual. I mean, is there a part of the water out there that ain't wet? Shut up. God. And what's unfortunate we're not here to take other groups inventories but we've actually heard stories and they're horror stories when we hear them how they vote god out of the meeting yeah we will not refer to god we will not refer the higher power we'll talk only about the alcoholism let's talk about the problem that is a neat place can you see a new guy coming in he's snaking he's shaking vibrating like a dog can't hold cup he's jipping everywhere and all and they're they're just going to talk about the sickness yeah boy what a pleasant place that would be i can't wait to get to the meeting tonight yes It's like, I hear they're carrying a strong mess. I mean, I'd go out and buy a gun. I'd just go in and start spraying people. I sponsored a guy one time that went to this meeting. We could talk about this for hours. This is really a sick place. I mean it's diseased. This guy I sponsored, he's got problems other than alcohol. And he had hair down to his ass. Listen, he drove a hearse everywhere he went. And he had a casket in the back of it. My sponsor told him, he says, Greg, you're welcome to come to this meeting. This was Mount Vernon. He says, you are welcome to Come Here. He says but if you come here and this is your only mode of transportation, park it away from the property. Do not pull this into church property. These are a bunch of white collar, you know. And they're sober people. They're a solutions group. Well, Greg goes over to the Triangle one time. It's a clubhouse we're talking about. And he calls me up and he says, I got banned from the Triingle. How the hell do you get banned from this place? I mean, it's like they pull out all the stops. He says, I carried my Uzi in there. Are y'all hearing this? I said, Greg, what do you mean? He says, I got this gym bag and it's a black bag and big silver letters on the side. It says Uzi. He says I carried it in and set it down by the chair. I said what was in the bag? He says my Uzi! I said What are you doing carrying an Uzi to the meeting? Good answer. I didn't want to leave it in the car. The hearse with the casket. Yeah. You could have opened the back, slid the casket out, put it in there on the pillow, and he didn't want to leave it in the car. Moments sublime with intervals are hilarious. All right. Keep coming back, y'all. Top of 100 says, We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seeing others slip when the family came back too soon. Here's some 12-step promises you want to bracket this paragraph. Both you and your new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. Now, everything is always in retrospect. When we look back, we realize the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. Following the dictates of a higher power and I will win, presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what my present circumstances, that's key. Because when it all falls apart, I don't. When it all comes down, I don' t. When everybody's looking at me, that's... I'm not impressed with the people getting the... I used to be. I'm Not Impressed With The People Getting The Finance Or The Romance. I'm... I'm Don't Impressed with That Anymore. It's Nice And It's Great But I Expect It. The Ones That Impress Me Are The OnES Who Lose The Finance And LoseTheRomance. Who Loses The Family. Who Have A Child Die Or Have Their Significant Other Die. Or who walk into the room and they raise their hand and say, I just got the diagnosis and it's terminal. And I'm okay. I'm scared. But I'm Okay. That's the stuff that impresses me. People walking through the infernos of life with grace and dignity. Larry always sits up here and talks about the hairs on his arms jumping up. Man, I'm feeling that right now. Grace and dignity, how you walk through with your head up. And not have to run and need a drink. That's the big deal stuff for me. So when I see somebody coming in and whining about the bologna sandwich for the thousandth time, I usually take them over to the side and I point somebody out in the corner going, he was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Do you see him sniveling? Do you seen him whining? No. You know what he's doing? He's working with somebody right now because he knows God's got this. He's sharing where he's at and he's letting us know where he is. he's at but he doesn't bitch about it he's walking with grace and dignity that's key because what is the newcomer going to hear they're going to here what there's a guy in here dying and he's still coming to a meeting wow i don't understand it but there must be something powerful going on for him to be here doing what y'all are doing that speaks volumes about this about god about these steps about sponsorship. That's huge. Please don't ever forget you're the loudest thing, the louddest aspect of AA is your actions and how we conduct and carry ourselves. And I'm not trying to soapbox this but man I'm so grateful that I paid more attention to the men who were doing what y'all are doing in this room instead of those who are just scamming and sliding and trying to get by on a seat. Y'all are shooting for an A, and I applaud y'all. Thank you. Down on the bottom of page 102, first full paragraph, your job now. Our job now is to be at the place where we may be of maximum helpfulness to others. So we never hesitate to go anywhere if we can be helpful. We should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on the earth on such an errand. When we keep on the firing line of life with these motives, God will keep us unharmed. To wrap it up, we're going to skip over to 103, next to the last full paragraph. Someday we hope that AA will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers won't stand for it. After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to. Turn over to page 180. We went through the entire story of Bill. We usually in our group do Dr. Bob's Nightmare also. We're going to hit two of the major points and probably some of the most eloquent and powerful writing in all of our literature. The bottom of page 180 says, last full paragraph or the second to last says, it's a most wonderful blessing to be relieved of the terrible curse with which I was afflicted. This was written in 1938. Sounds a whole lot like 2009. My health is good. I have regained my self-respect and the respect of my colleagues. My home life is ideal and my business is as good as can be and be expected in these uncertain times. I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learn to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons. Number one, it's a sense of duty. Number two, it is a pleasure. Number three, because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it to me. Number four, because every time I do, I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip there's a piece that christian's going to read from and i invite you to go to your literature rack and pick this brochure up it's called a member's eye view of alcoholics anonymous it's one of the most powerful brochures you'll ever read and christian is going to write this passage and then we'll wrap it up Now apropos, it's on Sunday. This coming Sunday in many churches and many of us there will be read a portion of the Gospel of Matthew which recounts the time when John the Baptist was languishing in the prison of Herod. And hearing of the works of his cousin Jesus he sent two of his disciples to say to him, Art thou he who is to come or shall we look for another? And Christ did as he so often did, he did not answer directly, but wanted John to decide for himself. And so he said to the disciples, go and report to John what you have heard and what you have seen. The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead rise, the poor have the gospel preached to them. Back in my childhood catechism days, I was taught that the poor in this instance did not mean only the poor in material, but also meant the poor in spirit. Those who burned with an inner hunger and an inner thirst, and that the word gospel meant quite literally the good news. More than 16 years ago, four men, my boss, my doctor, my pastor, and one friend that I had left, working singly and together maneuvered me into an AA. Tonight, if they were to ask me tell me what did you find i would say to them what i say to you now i can tell you only what i have heard and seen well it seems that the blind do see the lame do walk the lepers are cleansed the deaf hear the dead rise and over and over again in the middle of the longest day or the darkest night the poor in spirit have the good news told to them god grant that it may always be so. If you think you're an atheist or an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what's in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that's your affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you it never fails if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were getting another drink your heavenly father will never let you down can we close this up with the Lord's prayer Guys, there are no words to tell you what it's meant to us to come up on this hill with y'all. And I'm not just saying it. These ain't fancy words. This is fact. You shared your life, your souls, your tears, your laughter. And you're part of God's country with us. More importantly, your lives. There's no words to tell you what that means to us. What we do in this particular circle and every place we take this message, we ask or we suggest that you keep your eyes open as we recite the Lord's Prayer. and what I'd invite you to do is look around the room into the eyes of those that you've shared this weekend experience with and when that loneliness sets in and it's coming and that fear sets in remember what you saw here this morning and what you've experienced over these three days because you guys have brought a unity to this room and to this camp that you may not feel again for a very long time And I'm going to tell you that I love you. I really love you, and what my sponsor tells me is go with God. I'm really glad you're in my life. Lord's Prayer. Our Father. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever. Amen. Keep coming back, it works If you let it