Knowing the Shepherd Instead of the Sheep – Cecil C.

Gentlemen, oh, it is my privilege to introduce to you tonight who is your speaker for the night. I just met Thursday, or Friday morning rather. He didn't get in until Friday morning. And, you know, when I've ever had this job of introducing somebody, if you want to find out about a man or a woman, go around and ask other people. He's going to tell you all the nice things about him when he talks, see? So go around иnd find out. And gosh, I didn't like this character before I met him. Everybody told me what a wonderful guy he was, what a great talk he made. And so I looked him up and then when I saw how nice looking he was I hated that man something awful and how he dressed, you know, like I've always wanted to and always been too old and too broke to do it. And I talked to him a little while. I found out that he has been a delegate from up in Canada that he was one time up as a trustee for AA up in Canada. He's been in this AA thing for a long, long time. I thought he was brand new. He looks brand new, doesn't he? And the people that I talked to told me how nice guy he was and what a wonderful talk. Some of you have heard him before and I look forward now to hear him. So now I give you Babe's husband Cecil C. from somewhere in Canada back in Canada we usually fill the glass for the speaker my name is Cease and I'm an alcoholic I'm from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada The MC couldn't stand it so he asked me to stay Julian had a lot of faith in me He took the collection up before I talked But I knew it was a success the moment I saw Isaac coming down the way with that grin on his face really and truly folks it's nice to be here and I understand that my wife Babe was yakking at the Al-Anon meeting this afternoon shooting her mouth off again and I thought I was big in this area up until such time as I walked in tonight and everybody said that I was Babe's husband that's a sort of degrading thing every time I am invited to speak and thank God it's once in a while I'm not like some of the speakers down here I usually take my watch off to find out what time I start and it reminds me of a story no, that's really not true it doesn't remind me of any story because I intended to tell it anyway story of a little Methodist boy and a little Catholic boy that we're discussing each other's churches. And they just couldn't get through to each other what it was all about. So finally, a little Catholic boy said, well, look, how about coming to church with me next Sunday and I'll explain it to you? The little Methodist boy went along and he explained, the little Catholic guy, the little boy explained to him exactly what was happening and he was quite impressed. and he invited the little Catholic boy to the Methodist church the next Sunday and he explained everything that was happening and finally the minister went up in a pulpit and he took his watch off and the little Catholic boy says what does that mean? The little Methodist boy says not a damn thing. So I hope that my watch will mean something. I've been roaming around here for a couple of days and people would look at my badge and they would look the second time and they'd see Saskatchewan written on it and they look at me kind of funny and I heard different people say who is the Canadian speaker? We understand we have a Canadian speaker and I tried to introduce myself a few times and people would say welcome to Blackstone and I can understand why you're impressed with Blackstone they never let me tell too much about Canada they just told me about Blackstone and it brought to mind another story but a dear old lady and Arbutus didn't understand this story when I told it in Texas three weeks ago so I'm telling it again but a deer a deer old lady that bought a parrot and she bought this parrot she paid a lot of money for it and she took it home and she found out that the parrot couldn't talk and she set about trying to teach this parrot how to talk and finally she got the parrot to say three words And those three words were, who is it? And all day long the parrot would talk. But all it would say is, who ist? Who ist? Who ist it? And the dear old lady, she got a little uptight once in a while about this, but she was so proud that she had taught this parrot how to talk she didn't say too much about it. She was kind of proud of herself. One day she went downtown and while she was downtown and a knock came to the door and the parrot says, who is it? The voice came back and says, it's the plumber. The parrot says who is that? He says it's a plumber The parrot says who is it? And he said look it it's the plumer P-L-U-M-B-E-R plumber The parrot says who is it? and the dear old plumber he said you asked me to be here today I told you I couldn't come until tomorrow you told me it was an emergency now open the door and let me in let me get the job done let me be on my way parrot says who is it and the deer old plumer he wasn't on the program he didn't know much about serenity or anything and he got so mad and so uptight that he just fainted dead away and he's laying down there in front of the door and the dear old lady comes home and she looks down and she said who is it and they from the voice comes out from in the house and it says it's the plumber Now, Arbutus, I hope you understand it. I first of all would like to thank the Board of Trustees for inviting me here when I received a phone call about four weeks ago asking me to pinch hit for Chuck Chamberlain I was quite impressed with myself in fact they thought I was good enough to do that but I was supposed to come in the spring and Chuck was supposed to come into fall or something and he couldn't come and I'll go anywhere if they let me speak so I'm here but I'm very grateful and I'd like to thank the board of trustees on behalf of Babe and myself for inviting us to Blackstone and anything you say about Blackstone is true it's just been a wonderful experience for both of us and I want to thank each and every one of you for making our stay just so wonderful from the moment that we arrived here late, about 2 o'clock in the morning on Friday morning everybody has treated us so wonderful I don't know whether or not we want to go back to Canada because they know us back there and they don't treat us that well and then when the program started last night and Phil talked did such a magnificent job this morning, Arbutus and Dave and I know that every one of us lived those moments with them I've had a certain feeling and tonight I went out and I sat for a moment out under the cross and if any of you haven't had that experience please go out and sit there for a moment because it's an experience that I believe people in AA are privileged to have and privileged to understand because it just gives you that certain something that I've heard so much about what happens to you in Blackstone and now I know and I only hope that about two hours from now you people will be glad that I came and that they will go on saying such wonderful things as they've said about me I guess what we have to do in Alcoholics Anonymous is to tell you what we were like, what happened and what we're like today I came from a very good home I came form a poor home but I came fom a spiritual home when I was 16 years of age I became very unhappy and I rebelled against the everything that was happening to me the discipline of the home the discipline of the schools the discipline of the church and I ran away from discipline and I run into the army that shows you how smart I was I ran right into discipline I had never drank before that and the first night that I was in the army I went downtown with the rest of the boys in that big uniform and I had my first drink and it was wonderful because it did something for me that had never happened to me before it made me that somebody that I wanted to be it made be bigger than anybody in the crowd it made so that I could talk louder and faster and longer about any given subject unfortunately the next morning when I woke up I was still that little farm boy that I'd been before I took the drink I didn't think too much about this I didn' t think there was anything wrong with me but I know today that I was an alcoholic from the first moment that I started to drink I became an instructor in that Canadian army when I was only 16 years of age and I drank with people who were much older than me and I had a big capacity and I thought I was smart I got kicked out of the army when I wasn't young when I went back to my hometown I worked in an aircraft factory I got too much responsibility I made too much money and I drank too much booze and I ran from that responsibility and today I know that that was what I was doing all of the time that was the reason that I ran the first time because I didn't like the responsibility of anything I ran back into the army I told them I'd never been in before and this time I was a genius I became an instructor again I got recommended for my commission but I got kicked out of the army once again before I got my commission I went back to my hometown I worked for a newspaper and once again I got that responsibility that I couldn't face up to and I ran once again and I run into the Navy and in the Navy I settled down to a bit of serious drinking I went through officers training I would love to stand here and tell you that I was an officer in the Canadian Navy but I wasn't because I got kicked out of officers training and I didn't get my commission I think I was glad at that time that I didn' t get my commision because I don' t think I wanted the responsibility that went along with the commission however I stayed in the Navy I sailed all over the world I drank all over the world I got drunk all over the world and I laugh at people today when they tell you the difference between beer or scotch in different countries to me it really didn't matter I didn't matter it didn't matter the brand as long as it was something to drink and I think that's the difference I got married when I was in the Navy thank God to the same little gal that's with me on this weekend and I wish that I could tell you that I led her a happy life but I didn't while I was in the navy and I have to tell this story because Millie asked me to tell it and I'm scared of Millie Isaac I can fight with but not Millie and I can tell this story in the United States because you people are part of it I was a gunner on a merchant ship and I sailed down into the South Pacific and one of your ships was torpedoed down there in Melbourne, Australia it was towed back into Melbourne, Austria and we were the only ship that was empty and the government ordered us to take your tanks up to New Guinea and we went up there and we'd taken a cargo of liquor down to Melbourne, Australia and we had stolen a lot of liquor we had a lot of liquor on board ship and we were we went up there and those of you who were in the South Pacific know that those Japanese people didn't appreciate us coming in there they were a little narrow about it and they even shot at us but we delivered your tanks and we started back from Melbourne, Australia and when we got almost to Melbourne, Australia our own aircraft come out to meet us and we'd been drinking a lot the whole crew and we thought it was the Japanese planes coming back and our gunnery officer ordered us to open fire and we started shooting at our own planes and I was in charge of this big forward gun the forward gun deck just below the bridge and we were firing like crazy and suddenly the captain of the ship realized that we were shooting at our own planes and he got real panicky and he took this big megaphone and you have to visualize he's up about here and I'm just firing like a crazy and he screamed down at me states fire and so I fired I got kicked out of the Navy became an alcoholic and you're stuck with me Millie and I'm going to tell it again thanks for asking me to tell I'm not allowed to tell that story back in Canada anymore they're a little tired of it but I'm sure glad I got a different audience after the war I went back to my hometown and I kept on drinking I was celebrating the end of the war I got another job and I quit just before I got fired from that one I went in business for myself with a partner and it was probably the shortest lived business in the history of Canada it lasted for four months and I can remember the day that Babe took our two little girls and she left and I was 25 years of age and I went down to tell my partner about the horrible thing that my wife had done to me and he kicked me out of the business and I hope I never forget that day because I stood there on a corner of this little town and a guy came along and he said which way are you going Cease and I said I don't care just get me out of here and I went back to the little town that I was had been living in before I'd moved to this town to go into business the babe had left me and we got back together because I promised her that I would stop drinking and I did stop I stopped for about four days and it's no use telling you people that story because many of you have done the same thing but I want to tell this because I think this part of the story is very very important because I went to my first AA meeting at that time. Nobody took me, I just knew where there was an AA meeting and I walked in. And I heard these people talking about how much they drank, about how many jails they'd been in. And I have nothing against this other than the fact that it almost killed me because I felt I wasn't ready. And when the young people come into AA today and if there are any of you here tonight please don't think that you came too soon because some of us came too late just remember it that way I got some literature from that AA meeting and I can remember going home and telling my wife and I remember and I could remember a chap next door coming in to talk to me and I told him about joining Alcoholics Anonymous I was going to join AlcoholicsAnonymous and he told me just exactly what I wanted to hear he told my I wasn't bad enough to do that he was a friend next door who criticized me when I drank but he didn't want me going so far as to join this horrible thing called Alcoholics Anonymous and he almost killed me I went back to drinking thank God I only lasted for two years the last year of my drinking I became a fighter that year I think I had 17 fights 17 knockouts and I lost them all none of them were in rings they were all in bars or anywhere I could find somebody to fight with because I was a negative thinker and I was mad at the world and you people know what I'm talking about I talk about fighting because it was fighting that brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous. The last night that I drank, I got in a fight with a man that weighed 265 pounds. I was in a poker game with him. He didn't like the fact that I didn't have enough money to pay off a debt. He was a little narrow about that. and he looked pretty small to me because I was drunk and he almost killed me and to show you how I was respected in the city at that time he knocked me down on a cement floor and the people the people that I know today and associate with and rub shoulders with they just left me laying there and none of them picked me up they just stepped over me the next day I went to a doctor and I know that some people criticize doctors but this doctor saved my life he put me in hospital he built me up physically and he sat down beside my bed and he said cease I have done everything that I can do for you I have built you up physically and now the rest is up to you and I said well what should I do and he said I would suggest that you join Alcoholics Anonymous that was January 16th 1952 he didn't only suggest that I join Alcoholic Anonymous he went and brought Alcoholics Anonymous to me and I'll be ever grateful that he did this and I can still remember the two guys that came to see me one of them was the sloppiest drunk I'm sure in all of Canada and he was dressed up and he had a silk shirt and bow tie on he didn't have to talk all he had to do was stand there but he talked and he told me what you people had the other chap was a chap that I'd been in the army with and he'd received five years in a penitentiary for robbery with violence and he found Alcoholics Anonymous in that penitentiary and he too who told me about Alcoholics Anonymous. Two days later, I got out of hospital. And I'll never forget that morning. It was cold. I had given the sister at this Catholic hospital a bad check for a private ward that I wanted to have. And she wouldn't let me out of the hospital until such time as I paid this check. Meantime, the AlcoholicsAnonymous boys had talked to my wife the Al-Anon girls had been up to see her I don't know what they told her but she didn't come to see me in the hospital she left me there didn't have a razor buttons were all ripped off my shirt and it's hard to not have resentments for this you know with my wife but she did the right thing I wish you could have seen me that morning and I hope I never forget it. I had to phone my bootlegger to get me out of hospital because he was the only one that my credit was any good with. And he drove me downtown and at that time there were about seven or eight, nine or ten, I don't know how many people in Alcoholics Anonymous in my town. And they had an emergency meeting on a Saturday morning. And I was sitting there with a big overcoat on it was about 30 below zero no buttons on my shirt it was warm in the cafe where I was supposed to meet these people and they came in with their smart remarks welcome home Cease you know happy new year we've got a seat for you I didn't really appreciate what they were saying but I was happy that somebody cared that somebody would meet me and show me that they did care. And they took me home and that was one of the first miracles that I had in Alcoholics Anonymous because babe wasn't mad when I got home because you wonderful Al-Anon gals had been up to see her. And I couldn't believe it because this had never happened before but it happened that morning and I knew that something was happening to me and that night we went to our first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous babe and I and I can remember that night like as if it's tonight it was a Saturday night and I could remember those dear people playing stupid games like pin the tail on a donkey they had little social and they were doing all of these stupid things and really and truly I thought some of them had been drinking I even sniffed some of them after the social they had a meeting and it was a good meeting and after the meeting it was about two o'clock in the morning they took me in another room, two of them and they said cease there are no musts in Alcoholics Anonymous but there's a meeting tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock and you must be there and I'm glad they talked to me like that because I believe that's the only language that I understood and thank God I'm still going I've never stopped I was the youngest member in Alcoholics Anonymous in our town and this was good for my ego they patted me on the back I broke my anonymity many times in a small town of 28,000 people telling the people how bad I was and what had happened I got some more pats on the back the older members would say Cease, you're doing real good just keep it up everything's going to turn out fine and I was real happy and then all of a sudden something happened some newer members start coming to Alcoholics Anonymous and they forgot about Cease and this is a horrible thing to happen to you and I know it's happening to some of you right now I became what is known as a middle member you're like a hole in a donut you're nothing the young members go right by you and they talk to the old members and the old members go right by you and they talk to the young members they don't even let you make the coffee you're just nothing please don't let that happen in your group because it is a real bad feeling to be nothing in Alcoholics Anonymous because I was nothing for too long and just about that time none of the people in our group knew too much about AlcoholicsAnonymous and we used to talk about how much we drank and I used to have to tell some horrible stories to keep up with these old-timers. I used to even have to lie a little bit, but I stayed with them. But suddenly there became a void in my life, a void that I couldn't understand and I didn't know what was happening to me thank God just about that time we had a chap in our group his name was Ernie Ernie's now dead he died two years ago of a heart attack and we asked Ernie if he would chair the next group of meetings for three months and Ernie said I will chair if we will do what I want to do and we said what is that and he said I want to go through the steps I want to start at step one and I want to go through the steps and I want all of the group not only to go through the steps I want all of the group to take the steps and he said I don't care if the Queen of England comes into Alcoholics Anonymous we are not going back to step one We are going to sponsor them until such time as we get back to step one. And we thought he was a little bit punchy, but we let him do it. That is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Because I took a look at step one, we'd met every powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. I knew that I was powerless over alcohol. But I had never looked at the unmanageability of my life, and I'm not talking about when I was drinking. I'm talking about when I was sober. When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I owed $6,200. I didn't owe $6200 for a car, a house, a Chesterfield. I just owed $7,000. I had nothing to pay it back for I had a boss who was very good to me and he took me to the bank and he endorsed my note and he made babe and I sign a paper that we would never charge up anything again we'd pay for everything by cash this fellow wasn't an alcoholic and we signed the paper and about two years later he bailed us out again for about 7,500. For you see, I was trying to buy my way back into society. I was trying to buying my way into my family and I had an unmanageable life as far as money is concerned. Now I know this never happens to anybody in the United States but I mentioned that this happens to some alcoholics up in Canada and I I had that unmanageable life, and I learned it by studying and doing step one the way it's supposed to be done. And we went on to that beautiful step two, and it said, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And I was one of these people, I told you, I came from a spiritual home. I'd gone out in this cruel old world, andI'd started to run the show by myself. I had lost faith thanks to those people in that group the people that were older than me both in age and in Alcoholics Anonymous they took me by the hand and they explained this step to me when we studied it from the book I didn't like the word restore me to sanity because my idea of being restored to sanity was I must have been in a mental hospital. I'd never been there. So why should I try to come back from somewhere I'd never been? And this bothered me. And then one of the dear people in my life, he said, see, think of your insane thinking. Think of your negative thinking. and he said I think you will realize that you were and still are insane and to show you how insane I was I can remember one time going to Saskatoon Saskatchewan, now that's something if you want to practice that's about a hundred miles from where we live and I can remember going there for an interview for a big job I always got big jobs and I went to another hotel not the one where I was supposed to have the interview and I got drunk I never had the interview I went home and babe said to me how did you make out and I said real good I just have to wait for a letter now there's nothing wrong with telling a little white lie like that you've all done that but when you start going to the mailbox every morning looking for the letter I would suggest that maybe I was just a little bit insane and then that third step said made a decision to turn our well and our lives over to the care of God as we understand it I didn't like that step because they mentioned the word God and once again this man came to me and he said look at Cease you had an unmanageable life in step two you found a manager in step three all you have to do is turn your will and your life over to the care of this manager thank God I was stupid thank God I didn't try to figure anything else out and please if any of you are having problems whether you're an Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous Alateen or wherever you are please be stupid and do this because it saved my life and it's got me here tonight because I've seen so many people who are so intelligent and they're so intelligent that they're stupid and they don't know it I'm not taking anybody's inventory I'm trying to clear up a point because I know that I was stupid enough to do it this way and it worked and after all Dr. Bob asked us to keep it simple and so I went on to that fourth step and it said made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and I heard so many people I would ask people how do you take the fourth step some of the old timers said don't worry about that easy does it you get yourself drunk worrying about those things and I find out why they couldn't tell me about them because they had never done them themselves. And so when we came to this step four, Ernie said we get a pencil and a paper. And you know what? That is the toughest part of step four in Alcoholics Anonymous is getting the pencil and the paper. There's a lady who's gonna take a fourth step already. Didn't realize I was that powerful. But this step four, I love to talk about it because so many people push it aside and it's so important Because every one of us can go out tonight and we can take everybody else's inventory and we an do a real fine job of it. But we can't seem to get that little old pencil and paper and do it for ourselves. I'm talking to Al-Anon and I'm taking to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not letting any of you off the hook. And I'm going to give you an easy way to take your step forward, if some of you are having problems, and I hope that you've all taken it. tonight when you go to that sweet little room and we might as well do it when we're in Brownwood because we say we get all of these things here or I'm sorry Blackstone we might as well do it right now get a pencil and a paper and think of the person that you dislike most in the world you know the brother that got all the money the sister that got all the breaks the guy at the job who got all the promotions I don't know who it might be but there's somebody out there that you dislike and start writing down what you dislike about them and don't be easy on them write down everything that you just like about them and then when you're all finished put your own name up top and I guarantee you'll come pretty close to taking your own inventory because usually what we dislike in other people is really what is wrong with us and I can promise you that it works because I did it and then that beautiful step five committed to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs you know the toughest part of step 5 toughest thing about step 5 is step 4 I guarantee if you take step 4 you will want to take step 5 because you've taken 2 thirds of it you've admitted to God to yourself now all you have to do is go and rap off to somebody else how great you are or how bad you are and if you haven't done it please consider doing it because it will give you freedom and it will let you walk hand in hand with everybody in a free manner and it is it will allow you to let go and let God and I can say this because I know because it happened to me and then it comes to step six and it says we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character now they're getting a little tough we really haven't done anything we've come here because we got a problem we've admitted we got an unmanageable life we've turned it over to a manager we've written down what is wrong with us we've gone and wrapped off to somebody else about it and now they give it to us and they say we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character if you go to your 12 by 12 and read it it says this is the step that separates the men from the boys try it it's beautiful and then step seven says humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings I didn't know what they meant when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous when they talked about humility I hope I never really know what they do mean I've found out my own little definition and it is the ability to stand and the willingness to kneel for you see I was one of these people that came to Alcoholics Anonymous I told everybody how to pray told them to pray standing up walking down the street riding horseback riding in airplanes, driving their car driving their tractor, whatever they might be doing but I never ever told anybody to pray by getting down on their knees because I couldn't get down there myself thanks to dear old Shy Walker good friend of Willard and I's I imagine that many of you people knew Shy he's now dead Shy was a New York delegate with us when we were delegates to a general service conference I believe in 1957 and Shai told us about how he had a difficult time getting down on his knees and he told us how he came out of a prison and he said and he also told us how he was wearing these high-top boots and he showed us how one night by mistake he kicked the high- top boots underneath the bed and when he got down in the morning to take these high-tops boots from under the bed he thought he better say a few words while he was down there and he told us how every night he used to kick the high top boots under the bed some of you may laugh some ofyou may think this is ridiculous that was the greatest words that I ever heard up until that time in Alcoholics Anonymous because Shai taught me how to get down on my knees and I know that it works and that's all it says it says humbly asked him but I would imagine that if we interpreted it some other way it would mean that humbly prayed to God humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings and I know if we do it that way that it will work and then it says made a list of all the people we've harmed it comes with another list and became willing to make amends to them all I can imagine that when you ladies go to the grocery store that you make a list why is it when we're operating in the greatest business in the world, the business of living why is it that we want to argue with this why is it that we say we've made a mental list all it asks us to do is to make a list of all the people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all just become willing they talk about willingness again I would suggest that you don't look at step 9 when you're doing step 8 because step nine says made direct demands to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. You know the toughest amend that I had to make I didn't have any problem paying that money back I had a good job when I first went to AA as soon as they found out that I was going to that I got a good job they made sure that I was started to pay it back because they phoned me every day. I don't deserve any credit for that. The toughest amend that I had to make was a lousy $3 amend. And I'll tell you how it happened because I'm sure that some of you people here tonight may have one too. One time I was sitting in a bar back home, a beer parlor we call it, and I was running a punch board Now I'm sure that some of you people are familiar with punch boards. We have to buy them from the United States, we can't get them in Canada. And I was sitting in this place and business wasn't too good because I was the only one in there. I always drank in high class bars where nobody else went. A couple of fellas came in and they asked me if I wanted a beer and I told them that I'd forgotten my wallet and I was just sitting around waiting for some people. They bought me a beer and then they asked me to go to the hockey game with them. Once again, I told him I didn't have any money. And they said, well, come on, we'll pay your way in. They were friends of mine. And they picked up 12 bottles of beer, what we call a 12-pack. And they put me in the back seat with the 12- pack of beer. When we got to this hockey game, they said, lock the Dorseys. Well, I just couldn't lock it. Something was wrong with the lock or something. I didn't lock It. I lost them in the crowd. I went back. I stole a case of beer. I went down to this Army, Navy, Veterans of Canada where I used to drink. And somebody stole it from me. I became very indignant I said just imagine me a great veteran come in here just a bunch of thieves you know and after I would go down the street after I sobered up not too many days later I met these two chaps and they said you know what happened the other night somebody stole our beer out of the back of our car and I said isn't this terrible small town like this you just can't leave anything laying around anymore and they agreed with me you know every time I met them and it seemed that I met them every four hours they would grin at me and I sobered up I came into Alcoholics Anonymous and their grins got worse and I met them more often finally one day one of them came into the store where I was working and he borrowed ten dollars from me and one night babe and I were coming from a drive-in theater and I went into a cafe to buy her some cigarettes and these two chaps were sitting there and they called me over and he said here's the ten dollars I owe you and I said how much is a case of beer and he said what do you want to know for you quit drinking and I said well just how much is a case of beer you know and he says Cease your quit drinking don't worry about it we like you this way and then I had to tell him I said you remember that night that we went to the hockey game I was the one that stole a case of beer and then guess what they wouldn't believe me I wish I'd have known that all the time they grinned at me and I dropped the three dollars and went on my way now you may say that didn't sound so difficult well if you happen to have a three dollar amend to make will you have to admit that you're a thief you have to admit that you're a phony because I had told them all about these horrible people that lived in our city that went around stealing things out of cars this is what I had to do in step nine so what did this do to me I believe that we're all very self-centered people and I believe by taking these steps in sequence that it whittles us down to size and makes us know what we are and where we really came from. And this is what Step 9 did to me. And that little $3 amend, believe me, it did a lot for me. You know why it did the right thing? It did a great job for me? Those two fellows still live in Prince Albert. I still meet them a lot. They still grin. and guess what, I grinned back and that's really the object of the exercise isn't it so if you have any of those little amends that are eating you out here do them some people say if I did those things I might get drunk I'll let you in on a little secret if you don't do them you might get drunk as well and then it came to that beautiful step 10 and this step I like to talk about because this is the step that brought me back to Alcoholics Anonymous you might say what do you mean brought you back to Alcoholic Anonymous I was very active in AlcoholicsAnonymous but after 10 years in AA I sort of forgot who I was and what I was and where I'd come from I became very interested in material things I started to work and work harder to get these material things I was working for a very wealthy man and I decided that I wanted to be like him and I got some of those material things but I lost some of those spiritual things and I hope this never happens to any one of you I went to meetings I became a big wheel both in Alcoholics Anonymous and out of AlcoholicsAnonymous and you know what that can do it's not good and I got fired from this big job that I had and this is a deflating thing to happen to you in a small town it sort of punctures your ego and to show you how sick I was I was scared to go downtown because I thought everybody would say there goes C. Scoragle he just got fired I found out many many things since then I found out that a lot of people didn't even know I worked at this place and I find out today that none of them know that I got fired but we become so self-centered that we think the whole city is looking at you about that time I have a little cousin and I'd like you to say a little prayer for Fern she too is in Alcoholics Anonymous and she's dying of cancer and she came from the west coast and I don't think she just came I think she was sent and she was and she came to visit me and I can remember one day going down to see her and I had on a brand new suit I thought I was looking great and I went up to this little gal and I said well kid how do I look and she said just a few words and I'm going to share them with you she said you look real good on the outside Cease but how are you really on the inside I was going away to a conference about 600 miles from the city of Prince Albert and a dear old man who has died last year he was 82 years of age and I don't think it's any accident that he came and took me to that conference I think that he was sent once again to guide me and he didn't talk he let me drive the car and I took a look at step 10 continued to take personal inventory and when you're wrong, promptly admit it. I went up to that little roundup. I drove another 600 miles into the city of Winnipeg. I was trying to plan my future. I spent a couple of days in a hotel in WinniPEG taking a look at seas and thank God I did because it brought me back to Alcoholics Anonymous I'd never been away in body, but I'd been away and I started doing the things once again that I should do I became active the right way action instead of activity as somebody said last night and I got back with you wonderful people and I'll be ever grateful to that little gal for bringing me back to the fellowship but I know today that she was just an instrument that God decided to use to bring Cease back and then it says sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand him praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out isn't it wonderful that we can talk about prayer and we can talk about meditation and that we can understand what it means and I can remember in Brownwood last year Willard talking about meditation and how he said that meditation was listening and I can remember going down to Serenity Point and they have the cross the same as you have out here and I could remember sitting down there and meditating and listening and I learned how to pray and I learn how to pray for a conscious contact with God as I understand him for me and not as I understand him for you and I learned something when I was at Mount Eagle that wonderful little minister up there he said never pray at somebody else's expense because they too might be praying for something what he meant is if you're on a football team don't pray to win because the other team is praying to win too and everybody will get confused a year ago last spring I was a trustee nominee from Canada and I can remember the day of the election in New York and I could remember that morning saying two prayers they went something like this dear God if I don't get to be a trusty please let me accept it if I do get to being a truste please let me handle it the way it's supposed to be handled and when I got the phone call telling me I wasn't a trustee I was able to accept it and I was able to offer help to the man that got to be trustee all because of step 11 and dear little Arbutus down in Texas three weeks ago she taught me some more I'll show you how stupid I am I even learned from Al-Anon you know she taught me something so dear and it's probably you've all heard it and I think it fits into step 11 so wonderful because she was talking about spiritual things and she said some people look at the stars and the moon and the trees and the grass and the flowers and the streams and they call it nature she said other people look into the eyes of the newborn babe and they called it life but she said I pray to it and I call it God and it's so wonderful that I can talk that way and that I can understand this because I came to you people almost 19 years ago sick in every department and tonight I can stand up here at this beautiful conference at Blackstone and talk about God as I understand it and know that you people know what I'm talking about and then it goes into that beautiful step 12 and it says having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps so many people say to me as I go around the country how do you have a spiritual awaking it tells you in the book having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these tips I'll make a deal with any one of you in the room take these steps starting at step one go through them in sequence do them don't talk about them and i guarantee i defy anybody not to have a spiritual awakening and then it says we tried to carry this message to the alcoholic that still suffers you know i've been privileged to make probably a thousand twelve step calls and every one of them has been a success some of the people are still drinking some of them are in mental hospitals some of they some of their men jails some have short terms of sobriety others have long terms of sobpriety but the reason I say that everyone has been as a success is the fact that I am still sober and that's all it asked me to do we tried to carry the message to the alcoholic that still suffers and you know there's a little story that I just gotta tell I can remember dear old Rufus Smith from Tennessee some of you probably know him he was delegate with us and I told this story one night in New York at a meeting and the next day at the conference Rufus says I would like Cease to tell that story again but Rufous says I'd like him to tell it real slow because he said not only do I talk slow I hear slow and this story is about a young member of Alcoholics Anonymous and one day he said to an older member he said I'm going to quit Alcoholics Anonymous and the old member said well why are you going to quit he said well when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous they told me there was nothing to do they told him to just come in told me that there was no work told me there's no dues or fees he said just come that's what they told me he says now they want me to go on 12 step calls they want to go sit in hospitals they want me to visit penitentiaries they want me to throw extra money in the kitty for somebody that's having a birthday they want my to throw money in a kitty out at Blackstone you know, when they take up the collection they want me to show extra money and the kitty to send off to general service office and he said I'm getting sick and tired of it and I'm going to quit and the old member said you know son, I don't blame you one little bit because he said your story reminds me of the story of my life he said when my wife and I were very young we were blessed with a bouncing baby boy and although some of us told us some people told us that three could live as cheap as two the moment that child was born he started to cost me money I had to leave the wife in hospital I hadto take the kid home I hadta hire people to look after the wife people tolook after the boy Every time I went downtown, I had to buy something. Finally, he started to creep around. I had him buy him toys. Finally, I needed a tricycle. I bought him a tricycle. Finally, when he went into public school, he needed a bicycle. Extra money for sporting good clothes. Finally, we went into high school. Bicycle wasn't big enough. He needed a motorcycle. Then he needed an old car. Then he need extra money to take the girls out. Then he needs extra money to go away to summer camp. and he said I was like you I was getting sick and tired of it but then he said something happened in the final year of high school that boy of ours died and he hasn't cost us a penny since do what you like with that story folks but let's keep what we've got let's never get complacent let's give up let's just keep what we got and keep giving it away and we will keep it. And then it says practice these principles in all our affairs. Isn't it wonderful that we have a program? Have you ever seen some of our dear friends that don't belong to Alcoholics Anonymous and maybe do not even drink that haven't got a program and here we're blessed with having the greatest program in the world and some of us aren't taking advantage of it we have a program that teaches us how to practice these principles in all our affairs we've had a wonderful time at blackstone this weekend all this kissing and hugging all this loving that they talk about the shaking of hands saying we love each other what are we going to be like when we start for home what are мы going to be like when some guy gets in our way when we're trying to drive fast? What are we going to be like if I miss a plane? What's going to happen? Are we going to be the way that we were at Blackstone, or are we gonna lose our cool the way we used to do? Have a look at it. There's another story I like to tell about the great Vincent Peale. I heard somebody mention his name here. You know the man that talked about serenity? He and Eddie Rickenbacker one time were making a film. They were told to be on the set at 3.30. They got there at 3. 30, there wasn't anybody there. Finally, about a quarter to four, somebody strolled on. Finally four o'clock, someone else came along. Vincent Peale had another appointment at five o' clock. Finally about a corner after four, he couldn't stand it any longer. He completely lost his serenity. As they say today, he lost his cool. And he went up to the director and he said, look, we were supposed to be here at 3.30. We were here. You people weren't ready. I have other appointments. I'm a very busy man. And he looked over at dear old Eddie Rickenbacker and there was Eddie Rckenbacker, and he'd found an old rocking chair. And He'd found a dear beautiful tree like you have out here. And, he's underneath this big tree and he's rocking away. And Vincent Peale went over to him and he said, how can you sit there and rock like an idiot? He said, they told us to be here, we were here. And they weren't ready. He said, they're still not ready and you sit here rocking like as if nothing's wrong. What's with you? Eddie Rickenbacker looked up at Vincent Peale and he said, I'm just trying to practice what you preach. so let's try to practice these principles in all our affairs we'll fail, sure we'll fail, but at least we have the opportunity that we know that's the horrible thing about Alcoholics Anonymous we know the difference now and we have a choice between right and wrong whichever way we go it's up to us you know I'm going to leave here tomorrow night I'm going back to Canada, a much wealthier man, for what I've received at Blackstone. And I know that my wife, babe, is going back the same way because of you people. Because we know that you love us as much as we love you. and isn't this so fantastic that we can come probably 3,000 miles and be invited here and be treated so great by many of you people who've never seen us before I can't promise you that this is going to happen to every one of you in Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon but I guarantee that you will find that love and understanding that I have found if you do certain things and if you're stupid like I was and babe and I want to thank you for your hospitality and if any of you learn how to pronounce Saskatchewan you don't really have to pronounce it to come to it we have a roundup there at the end of last weekend in May it's always the last weekend in May and it's a wonderful do and I'd like to invite every one of you there, we can handle you it's not like this place where we kick some of you out we take you all can't promise you a bed to sleep in but you're welcome to come along and I would like to close with a little story the story of a great actor that was asked to say the 23rd Psalm and he went home and in front of a mirror he rehearsed this 23rd song and the Sunday before he was supposed to say it this big gathering he went to church and his minister said the 23th Psalm and finally the great night arrived, and he stood up in front of these thousands of people, and he said the 23rd Psalm the way a great actor would say it. And when it was all finished, he received a standing ovation. And he went back up to the microphone and he sat, asked the people to sit down, and he says, I have a request that I would like to make. I have a friend of mine who happens to be my minister in the audience and he said I would like him to come up here and say the 23rd Psalm and the minister came up and he read the 23th Psalm the way it's supposed to be said from the heart not from the mouth and when it was all over there was no standing ovation there was a lot of tears in a lot people's eyes and the great actor once again went up to the microphone and he says you see the difference between myself and my minister is that I know the sheep but he knows the shepherd and I would suggest to each and every one of us let's leave Blackstone and let's try to get to know the shepherd just a little better than we know the sheep and I'd like to leave these final words with you and I hope that they help you as much as they've helped me you all look real good on the outside tonight how are you really on the inside thank you Thank you.