John W. on Big Book History, Ardent Spirits, and the Oxford Group — Part 1

I'm an alcoholic my name is John Williams how y'all doing why don't we open this meeting with a moment of silence and I want you to take that moment too because I'll give it to you and just think about so close your eyes and just begin to think about how grateful we are to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous today have an opportunity to gather together and we'll all say the serenity prayer god grant me this serenety to accept the things i cannot change to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference amen back in 1979 my sponsor Wesley Parrish who passed away in 1985 a lot of you didn't get a chance to know Wesley but his pictures up here he was he was as good as he looked and he met Charlie and Joe at some kind of a gathering out in Omaha Nebraska they were doing some sort of a big book workshop on a Saturday afternoon and Wesley walked in there and when he walked in by his own words he heard music like he had never heard before and I'm not talking about music music I'm talking about the music of the book it just rang and sang to him and there's no doubt in my mind based on what happened that he thought that because Wesley you got to know Wesley didn't know he was a doer. And he said to himself, these two guys, it was Charlie and Joe, Joe McQueenie, these 2 guys are a valuable asset and I think more and more of us need to hear what they have to say. So he began to do some things. The first little subtle thing that he did was the 1980 International Convention. He put on some sort of a luncheon just before the official start of the International Convention because they didn't want him to have, it wasn't part of the official stuff. So he had this luncheon. Lois was there and as part of this festivities, he gave away 100 sets of what was available at that time of Charlie and Joe doing the big book study. It was four tapes, a couple, three hours of stuff. and Wesley being cunning had already planned to use these guys and he wanted to see what some of the other members of A.A. thought of this flavor and these hundred sets of tapes that were given away he knew exactly who was going to win them he was in charge of the seating arrangement as was everything else and he knew where so-and-so was going to be sitting and he put one of them little green circles under his chair and made the announcement, look under your chair if you have a little green button under there, you win a set of tapes. Well, 100 of them folks did and he new who they were and then when he got together with him after the international, he had made a request. He said, I want you to listen to him and call me and let me know what you think of it. got some good favorable response and then that was 1980 then in 1982 he did a trial run with these two guys and swanny swanny river retreat of some sort i couldn't make it i was supposed to make it but he was he was auditioning these guys to some of his friends and favorable very favorable response so he began to put together what is known as a big book seminar and when he started putting it together of course i was one of his favorite little pigeons he called me over one day and he said that he was working on this program and he and he handed it to me he said here take a look see what you think about this i looked at it and at that time he had us starting at one o'clock on thursday and we're going to go to about 10 o'lock that night maybe 10 30 and then Friday it was 9 in the morning until 10 o'clock at night and Saturday it was 9 o' clock until 10o' clock at night and Sunday a half a damn day I said when are we going to dance what about the golf tournament what about tennis what about those things see I had only been to these fun and fellowship weekends where that's what they did you know have speakers every few hours and maybe a workshop on Saturday afternoon. And that was all I was used to. And I said, hell, I want to dance here. I said this shit ain't going to work. I mean that's about the way I said it. I said just ain't gonna work. And then he said, well, I think it will. I said what about all this? He said, this is strictly business. This is all about recovery. It's none of that other nonsense. I said well, Wesley, it ain't go work. I can't imagine. I mean I can imagine me sitting down and listening to somebody yap about that for all that time. It just drives me crazy. Then he made a statement. He said, oh, by the way, I want you to be part of this program too, John. I said, give me that schedule back. Let me take a look at that. He said、You know what? I think this damn thing will work. What do you want me to do? so he he got me involved with the 12 and 12 and and uh and and thank god he did we had our first big book seminar at palm air in may of 1983 in the beginning from from 1983 to 1986 we had him twice a year he had a he had an autumn big book seminary and a spring big book webinar wesley was that way he liked the flowers and uh and then he passed away in november 1985 but we were already scheduled for 86 so we did the two in 86 and then after that we went to once a year so that's why even though we've been at it since 1983 which is 22 years ago we were in our 27th big book seminar so i know some of us are anal about those kinds of things we got to make sure it all works So I just know we had two a year to begin with. So that's how we got 27 out of 22. You've got to know these things. Well, he had asked me to do a little history of the writing of the big book. I said, I don't know anything about it. Then he told me where it was. He said, it's in A.A. Comes of Age. He said haven't you read that? I said well I'll scan through it. And he told me which page to go to, 183 or whatever it was. He said, you start there, and then that's the story of the writing of the big book. He said that's what I want you to talk about and give it some life. So I've had the privilege of doing that since then. But then a little bit later, Joe McQueenie of Charlie and Joe had put together some information about the evolution of alcoholism in this country. And I think it's fascinating information for us to know how we are in the context of treatment of alcoholismo and how blessed we really are. To be, I mean, when we reach our point of desperation, we have a place to turn to. It hasn't always been that way. It has not always been that way, so let's take a quick look at what we have done in this country, and I mean every country's got its own story, but hey, am I interested in England right now? No. How about America? That's good enough for me. And he put together some things and I'm going to go through them. I'm going to go through them slowly to show you how even over 250 years ago whatever it was from 1785 to now how many years is that? That's a long time and In 1785, Benjamin Rush was a Let me just tell you about Benjamin Rush So you get a sense of who he was I have a little thing on Benjamin Rush And I want to share it with you We like to make sure that we get as much information as we can To show you about Ben Benjamin Rush At the time of his death in 1813 Dr. Rush was heralded as one of America's three most notable men along with George Washington and Ben Franklin so he was in pretty good company, wasn't he? He was a signer of the Declaration of Independence that's a typo thing served under three presidents assisted in founding five universities and colleges and personally trained over 3,000 medical students so he had no slouch so he wrote and he did a study on us I say us loosely but he did a study on us and he wrote a paper I happen to have a copy of it here it's amazing I have a copy of it and here's the title of it An Inquiry into the Effects of Ardent Spirits Upon the Human Body and Mind by Benjamin Rush. Now, as I said, he was a notable man in those days. One of the three most popular men in the country at the time behind Ben Franklin and George Washington. And he wrote this, and this is why he studied us. The beginning of the alcohol problem in America had been traced to the latter half of the 17th century The importation of large quantities of molasses from Barbados, which began then led to the development of the manufacture of rum. They liked their rum in those days. By the middle of the 18th century, rum had become an almost universal drink and drunkenness had become rather obtrusive. Many leaders of public opinion, including Benjamin Franklin, Oliver Walcott, Timothy Dwight, then president of Yale College, remember him? Expressed their concern over the growing proportion of the problems arising from the widespread and copious drinking of spirits. They were concerned that this country, being as young as it was, might go under because they would have with raising a bunch of drunks. And so he wrote this paper about it. And in it, he described the effects because he was an observer. How many of you spent hours and hours just watching us operate? So he did, and he wrote about it, and here's how he described you and me in those days. The effects of ardent spirits divided themselves into such as are of a prompt and such as are of a chronic nature. I don't like the way they wrote in those days, you know what I mean? The former discovered themselves in drunkenness and the latter in a numerous train of diseases and vices of the body and mind. He said, I shall begin by briefly describing their prompt or immediate effects in a fit of drunkeness. Now he's describing a drunk. This odious disease, listen to what he calls it, a disease. He knew it was a disease. He knew that that was the problem, and he knew that the answer to that was total abstinence, but he had no way of bringing that back, or bringing that about, rather. This disease appears more or less of the following symptoms and most commonly in the order of which I shall enumerate them. So they happen in this order. Listen to this. Unusual garrulity. That's literally made all the enormous. Then on the other end, unusual silence. A disposition to quarrel. Can you believe that? Uncommon good humor and an insipid simpering or laugh. Profane swearing and cursing. A disclosure of their own or other people's secrets. a rude disposition to tell those persons in company by whom they know they're false some things never change certain immodest actions I am sorry to say this sign of the first stage of drunkenness sometimes appears in women who when sober are uniformly remarkable for chaste and decent manners However, give them a drink and it all goes to hell. A clipping of words. Fighting. A black eye. A swollen nose. Often mark this grade of drunkenness. Where's my next page? Oh, here we go. Certain extravagant acts which indicate a temporary fit of madness. These are singing, hallooing, roaring, imitating the noises of brute animals. Jumping, tearing off clothes, dancing naked. Oh, we like that? Breaking glasses in China. Oh, I just love that. Walk in the house and just start tearing shit up. You know, we do that. And after a while, drunkenness is completely formed. The face now becomes flushed, red, flushed. The eyes project, bulge, and are somewhat watery. Winking is less frequent than usual. They don't wink. They just kind of slow down. The head inclines a little to one shoulder. The jaws fall. I like that when they fall. Belching and hiccups take place. The limbs totter. The whole body staggers. This unfortunate subject of history next falls on his ass. he looks around him with a vacant confidence and mutters inarticulate sounds to himself he attempts to rise and walk you know he can't get up in this attempt he falls upon his side at least he didn't fall on his side and he gradually turns upon his back he now closes his eyes and falls into a profound sleep frequently attended with snoring and profuse sweats and a sometimes with which a relaxation of the muscles which confine the bladder and the lower bowels so as to produce a symptom which delicacy forbids me to mention. Shit his pants. Now in this condition he often lies from 10, 12 to 24 hours or 2 to 3 to 4, 5 days an object of pity and disgust up to his family and friends. Can't you just see us laying around, passed out, friends having to step over us? Oh, man. You know what? He had us pegged pretty well, didn't he? It's sad when you hear this description, although I make fun of it, but it's sad. I mean, I can see myself there. His eyes open and he closes them again. You know, we don't wake up, we come to. he gapes and stretches his limbs then he coughs and he pukes his voice is hoarse he rises with difficulty and staggers to a chair his eyes resemble balls of fire his hands tremble he loathes the sight of food he calls for a glass of spirits to compose his stomach give me a damn drink and now then he emits a deep fetch sigh a groan from a transit twinge of consciousness but he more frequently scolds and curses everything around him didn't that what we did when we came out of it he remains for two or three days before he's able to resume his former habits of business and conversation and that guy had us pegged pretty well that was that was dr benjamin Rush. And he said it was a disease. Is that what we know today? It is a disease and the only answer to that is total abstinence and he knew that but he didn't have a clue as to how to do that. His movement led to, as a matter of fact he had this thing and you're not going to be able to see this all the way in the back and there's nothing in your folder about this but I found this and if you've got if you're on the internet go to Benjamin Rush you'll probably find this stuff there That's where I found it. Now, he had this thermometer of temperance and intemperance. And if you just drink water, you're going to have health and wealth. But if you get down, it looks down here at number 10, strong beer, you're just about to jump into intemперance. then he starts saying there's toddies, there's grog whatever this stuff is they used to drink leads to vices, disease and punishment and you wound up where the hell did you wind up you windup either committing suicide an alcoholic death or you go to the gallows not a good outcome for us is it that was your outcome in 1780s if you were an alcoholic like we were so he put that thermometer together and and and started talking about temperance and and that led to a movement in 1813 called the temperance movement now they thought that the problem was drinking and it was a social behavior you know you just developed bad habits and so their idea was to temper the drinker that is moderation please but you know no matter what if you take 100 people who drink 10% of us are going to be continuing to drink until we get drunk And so they didn't have any way to bring that about. They just said, what's wrong with you? I mean, I don't do that. Why can't you exercise a little willpower for God's sakes? Are you crazy? Look at what happens when you drink and here you are drinking again. That's the kind of stuff they heard. I heard some of that too when I was drinking. Then they got tied up with this guy by the name of Lyman Beecher. lyman beecher he was a he was a damn i had a picture him too somewhere around here but lyman beacher was a guy who said and he got tied up with this temperance movement he was the preacher he said it's a sin and people are weak that's why they drink sin weak and the only answer to that is total abstinence for everybody let's get rid of that booze. And here was their thought. Let's temper the drinker, let's educate our young children not to drink and eventually the drunks will die off. That was our outcome. I didn't like that solution. But you know, they had no way of bringing about anything in terms of recovery. They didn't know recovery, they just thought, well hey, I'll just hit you upside the head with a sobriety wand and you'll be okay. I'll sprinkle you with a little sobriety dust. It'll be alright. Then that moves us into the Washingtonians. Now here's something, this is, now AA knows about the Washingtonian movement because this was an outfit started by alcoholics for drunks. It started in 1840 in a little tavern in Maryland, Chase Tavern. You can find these stories in our history books. I mean, I'm not the only one around that knows this stuff. You can expose yourself to this information too, and it's worthwhile knowing. But Washingtonians thought that the problem was moral weakness. Total abstinence was the answer, and they thought that just their gatherings, and here's what they used to do. They used to gather, and they'd have an alcoholic speak to the other alcoholics. And in a short period of time, within a year or two, this outfit had over 500,000 members. at a time when we didn't have Internet and telephones and all that kind of stuff. And if you'll look at the history of the Washingtonians, you'll see how they did it. Because when you study our history, you say in 1939 there was 100 of us sober because that's what the book says, 100 men and women. And then in 1941 there was about 4,000 sober. at the end of 1941 after the Saturday evening post article there was about 8,000. But we're talking 500,000 people in a couple of years. As a matter of fact their second year anniversary their keynote speaker was none other than Abraham Lincoln. So how did they do that? Well it's simple. It's not complicated because part of their deal was they had dues. it cost 25 cents to join but we don't have any of that and then the dues were 12.5 cents a month which is good but they said well how in the hell do all these people get together like that and he said well here's how it works the requirement was that if you went to a Washingtonian meeting you had to take somebody with you that was the requirement so if there's 8 of you here This week, guess how many will be there next week? Sixteen. And if there's sixteen of them that week, how many are going to be there the next week, whatever it is? I can't add that fast. So you see, in a short period of time, you can see how there's some, what do they call that stuff where it mathematically expands? That too. That's how they got them numbers. A lot of people in a short period of time. Then we have, the next thing that came along was the Emanuel Movement. These folks were on to something. They thought that part of the problem was psychological. That we weren't thinking well. We couldn't see trouble standing right in front of us. And they said there's something wrong with these folks. And so they thought that it was psychological, and they thought that the way to get somebody sober was to have them go through a spiritual experience. Their book that was their recommended reading was by William James. We know William James? And then the next thing we have, well, we have these two things that happen together. One is the Oxford groups. Now, we're getting real close to AA with the Oxford groups, but there was something else that occurred. Remember this? Have you ever heard of this? The United States government says, hell, I know how to handle this deal. We'll just outlaw drinking. And all, of course, they did was able, they were just able to keep a lot of people rich. Created a few gangsters, which, you know, they make good movies about that today. So So, it was called, and I got it here, the Volstead Act. Ah, here we go. It was our government's attempt. You know how government is. Hey, got a problem? We'll solve it. No problem. 1919, they passed this amendment that says you can't drink, closing all establishments, You can't make booze. Of course, there was a few smart boys those days that said, you can't quelch the thirst of an alcoholic, can you? No way. They'll find a way. They made their own and, of course, they imported a lot of stuff. But it became void in 1933, which is a nice time span for us, with the repeal of Prohibition, the 21st Amendment of the Constitution. And so that led to the Oxford Movement, which was started by Benjamin, I mean, not Benjamin Rush. What's the boy's name? Frank Buckman. Frank Buckmon. Want to see Frank? Let's get a picture. Frank's in the picture. He's around here somewhere. We've got a big picture of Frank. But let's just show you know who he is. There he is, right? born in Pennsylvania, June the 4th, 1878. And he was traveling in England after leaving a boys' school in Pennsylvania. He left because of a resentment. And while he was in England, he underwent a spiritual experience in a church in Keswick, Cumbria, which altered the course of his life. And he described it this way, i began to think about this i began to see myself as god saw me which was a very different picture than the one i had of myself boy when you can get out of the realm of self and think about it in those terms you see a different picture i realized how my sin my pride my selfishness had eclipsed me from god he had separated himself from god with his ego right the big i had to be crossed out it produced a vibrant feeling as though a strong current of life had suddenly been poured into me and the man was never the same after that he had a spiritual experience and eventually got tied up with a bunch of students at Oxford University they were traveling one time on a train as a group and the conductor said we have to identify you and so Frank said well we're the Oxford group and that's how they got their name I mean, there's no big story to that. It's as simple as that. Now, then we're getting closer to home because we have Dr. Silkworth involved. Dr. silkworth was the attending physician for Bill. Towns Hospital. He was a well-trained, what do they call him? I mean, what kind of a doctor? Neurosurgeon, I think it was. He was an well-strained neurosurgeon because of the depression, took a job at Towns Hospital treating drunks. And, of course, one of his patients was Bill Wilson. Bill Wilson started going to Towns hospital to get off the sauce and, of course, met Dr. Silkworth. The second time he was in the hospital, he heard Dr. Silkworth tell his wife that if Bill continues to drink, he'll be dead in a short period of time or he'll go crazy. And when Bill heard that, he left the hospital and stayed sober for a period of times on fear, the fear of dying. And then when he was there for the third and final time, he had which I will talk to you in a moment about this white flash spiritual experience in December of 1934 which altered and changed his life forever Bill was to never drink again after that but Dr. Silkworth is the one who wrote The Doctor's Opinion in the big book and Dr. Silkworth if you will consider the times and the way society thought about alcoholics he was taking a tremendous leap by talking about alcoholism being a disease because everybody else says you're crazy those diseases are just weak willed people and so he wrote the doctor's opinion and of course you'll see in there he was astute enough to say this that unless you and I as alcoholics are willing to go through an entire psychic change very little hope of recovery and that is really the message that he gives us and I say if you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous you've got to understand that very clearly that you can't keep on being who you've always been and be sober or you may abstain for a while and maybe for a long while but you won't be sober because you have to go through an entire psychic change there was great information and I focus on it a lot in talking about sobriety. Because he gave me a great message. I saw that. I underlined it. He said, oh, no, not a partial change? Can't I just change a little bit here and a littlebit there? Keep what I want? Hell no! An entire psychic change is just what it says. Entire. That means everything. Then, in our book, you'll see there's a little story of the businessman on page 27 who went to see this guy, Carl Jung, in Switzerland, spent a year there. This guy had some bucks, didn't he? To go to Zurich, Switzerland and spend a year under the counsel of Dr. Carl Jung. And he was an alcoholic and he was being treated by the best. Carl Jung was his therapist. And helped him understand all the trigger mechanisms. and well you can tell how I feel about that and he was able to tell Roland that he thought he was well enough to go back to the United States Roland says now I've got enough self knowledge now, I know what triggers it and I'll go back, I'll be alright then he goes back to the United State and within a short period of time he's drunk as ever Then he goes back over to Zurich Says hey Dr. Young What the hell That didn't work Triggers All this psychotherapy stuff Ain't working for me He said well I don't know He says I've never seen a man like you recover He said You'll probably have to get a bodyguard You may be locked up. But if you continue to drink, you're going to die. Roland said it sounded to him like the gates of hell had closed on him. And they had. And Roland in his desperate pleas, God, doctor, isn't there any other way? And this is when Carl Jung gave us the definition of a spiritual experience. And he said yes! Every now and then, once in a while, Roland, someone like you recovers they have what I call a vital spiritual experience and I can just hear Roland say what is that? And Carl Young says that is a huge emotional displacement and rearrangement whereas you get rid of your old ideas, your old beliefs your old ideas and you replace them with something new. He said I've been trying to bring that about with you for the last year and a month or two and hell I ain't had any luck so Roland says well God he says I'm a man of the church he said that ain't got nothing to do with it so what am I going to do he says here's all I can the only advice I can give you and this was the advice he gave Roland I can only suggest you go back to your country and immerse yourself in some sort of a spiritual environment which he did he came back here and he got himself tied up with the Oxford groups he died sober so and as a matter of fact he was part of the part of that uh oxford people that that brought the message to ebby thatcher bill's friend who brought the message to bill so a wonderful chain of events began to happen and when bill when bill got sober he was able to see and put everything together. He took Dr. Silkworth's description of the disease as being a statement of the problem. We're powerless over alcohol. And then he took Carl Jung's spiritual experience description with Roland Hazard who brought the message to Ebi Thatcher who broughtthe message to Bill Wilson and step two was understood that there was a power greater than I am that is the solution to my problem. If I'm powerless, the answer has got to be power. And then he took what Ebi had brought to him, what is called a six-step program, and here's something interesting. I asked Frank Mauser years ago, who was the archivist at General Service Office at that time, And he said to me, I didn't ask him, but he just volunteered. He says, you know, we have researched the Oxford literature inside and out. And he says, we never found them six steps. So I don't think Evie was smart enough to dream them up. Somebody must have gave them to him in the order in which Bill remembered them. And it was the six steps which provided a planned program of action which brought about the solution. Old attitudes, old ideas, old emotions were cast aside. And a new set of attitudes and ideas came into play as a result. And that's, in essence, what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about. We're here today because Bill Wilson was able to imagine that, picture that, put it into words known as a big book. that if we follow these instructions and he wrote it for people like you and me, alcoholics writing about alcoholics, it's not that difficult to understand. But sometimes we like to read the white between the lines. So our purpose here this weekend is to try to focus on the black on the page. Now, Bill Wilson got sober in 1934. I told you that. Then he, Bill Wilson was in a desperate state in 1935 when he was in Akron, Ohio and he met Dr. Bob. He went there and had the biggest disappointment that he had had in his five years of sobriety, or five months of sobpriety, by losing this business deal. He went out there on a proxy fight. And he thought, well, if everything goes well, I'll be a CEO next week. of course it went south and uh it went south because he had some enemies and they called some of them folks in Akron Ohio so yeah Bell Wilson's coming out there you know what a sod he is God you sure don't want to have him in the damn thing do with your company and so he went downside and he lost out on the proxy fight and of course he didn't get what he thought he was going to get so One Mother's Day afternoon in 1935, May of 1935 He was in this hotel that he was staying in Had very little money in his pocket And you've got to picture yourself in this situation Just had a I mean just got slapped upside the head With a two by four by this By this operation You came to Akron, Ohio Saying man I'm going to go home as CEO And you're nothing and nobody In the hotel And you were drunk You're only five months sober and you're standing in there Sunday afternoon. It's Mother's Day. Lois is way back in New York City and he hears some little noise down the hallway, a little tinkling of glasses and started sniffing a little Chanel No. 5 and then he says, man, I've got to find me somebody to talk to. Not for them but for me. He says, you know, for the last five months every time I talk to somebody about my drinking and, hell, I got through it. So he went into this church directory at the Mayflower Hotel and pulled off some names. One of the last ones on the directory was a fellow by the name of Reverend Walter Tunks. Now, Walter Tunaks was the head of the Oxford group in Akron. God, what a connection. There he was. Bill calls him up and here's Bill's pitch. He says, I'm a rum head from New York. I'm looking for another drunk to talk to. And so Walter Tunks gave him a list of names, and the last name on the list that he gave was a lady by the name of Henrietta Seiberling. Now Henrietta was also a member of the Oxford group, and she had been trying to get Dr. Bob more involved so that he'd get sober, but Dr. Bobby wasn't having any luck. And so when Bill calls Henrietta up, he said, I'm a rum head from New York looking for Another Drunk to Talk To. she said well come on over now you think about that if you got that kind of a message today being who you are would you say come onover hell no you wouldn't say it but she did and you know why because part of what the oscar group did was pray for guidance and they just she didn't have any she didn'T have any doubt that this guy calling was because she had prayed that morning for guidance or some way to help dr bob and she called dr bob up she called over to dr bob's house and ann and answered the phone and she said henry henrietta says and is dr bob there she said i got this guy coming over he's he's an alcoholic from new york and he wants to talk to somebody about drinking and i dr bob would be a good candidate and anne says well henriette he said i'm so sorry You know it's Mother's Day. Dr. Bob just got home a few moments ago. He brought me a potted plant, but he's potted on the floor himself. So, they made arrangements to see each other the next day. And Dr. Bobby in his story says, I'm going to give this guy 15 minutes. They said, I know I'm gonna be thirsty as hell. So that's it. but he went when they finally got together it was magic they spent hours together three or four hours together and dr bob and retelling it he says this was the first man that i had ever talked to that knew what he was talking about when he came to drink it and they said damn he didn't talk about my drinking he talked about his drinking boy there was just magic flying and of course this was this was of course dr bob drank again but on june the 10th he had his last drink June the 10th, 1935. We just celebrated 70 years, 70 years of salvaging lives. Boy, I'm telling you, you and I are fortunate people when you think about it. So Bill eventually, he spent a lot of time with Dr. Bob out there. They got the third man sobered, Bill Dotson, who was an attorney who was in the hospital locally. He came from Kentucky. He liked to beat up nurses. and Dr. Bob and Bill went in to see him, he got sober they got involved in the Oxford group meetings in Akron Ohio and they made friends and alcoholics were coming and they were co-mingling you know, the alcoholics and the Oxford people and the outcome of that was Bill eventually went home about September he never did work they will never be able to get a job. So, sounds familiar to some of them? And he went back to Akron, Ohio in the fall of 1937. And in the Fall of 1936, 1937 is where the story of the big book begins. Bill was back on another business trip that went south. But while he was in Akron, he had a chance to go see Dr. Bob and I could just see him on the front porch of Dr. Rob's house recalling what was going on in their lives. And they were surprised. They started counting up. Well, he says there's Clarence over in Cleveland and there's so-and-so over in Akon and we've got 16 or so here in Akran and there're a few over there in New York City and hell, there's 40 people staying sober in this word-of-mouth program we got. Then they got to thinking at how many other thousands upon thousands of thousands of people that need to hear what we know. And they said, boy, we need to do some things. We need to build some hospitals to treat alcoholics because you know these hospitals don't want to have us in there. And then we've got to hire some missionaries. Yeah. You know who's going to be the head missionary and carry this message. And then, we've Got to write some literature. he said we got to write down what's working for us so that so that the message would not become garbled and twisted so that's why we have a book then dr bob he's a simple man and he says bill this sounds a little complicated to me he says let's take it before the group tonight and so they met at t at clarice williams's home uh t henry and clarice Williams they were oxford group people Well, they weren't alcoholics, but they offered their home for meetings. These things that these Oxford group people used to have, these things that they haven't, they call them house parties. It's almost like Tupperware, but They Don't Sell Nothing. But they met there, and Bill brought up these ideas, hospitals, missionaries, and literature. These guys said, hey, hospitals sound like business. missionaries hell I'm lucky to have a job I can't missionary nothing and literature you don't need literature after all the twelve apostles didn't have any you see where they were coming from and so but Dr. Bob kind of backed Bill up then they had a vote and according to the literature by the bearish majority so if there's 18 there what do we got 10-4. Yes, let's go for the whole package. Bill, good luck in New York City. You know there ain't nothing inaccurate for you. So Bill goes back to New York City and breaks the news. Hey man, this is what we're going to do. And they started trying to raise money to do these things. They went knocking on these doors, these rich people and said, hey, listen we are alcoholics Oh, and we're looking for some contributions. And you can just imagine the response. You being a sober member of society with a few coins in your pocket and a drunk comes locking on you. We have something for you. And of course they didn't have any luck raising a nickel. they didn't get a penny and uh then about this time in comes this guy who was was bill wilson's one of bill wilton's protege his name was hank parkhurst he got sober in town's hospital and uh he was the first guy to stay sober for a period of time and uh when he heard what bill was doing he jumped in and you almost you just got to read the description of hank parkhurst he and and and he says to bill he says bill she says in order to to make this thing work he says we got to put this book deal on a business-like basis he says we got us sell stock and bill says hell we're not incorporated we can't do that i mean that's the you know it It sounded complicated, but Hank said, no, don't worry about it. And the very next day, Hank comes in and he's got a, he went to the bookstore and he bought a packet of blank stock certificates in which across the top he wrote, Works Publishing Incorporated, Hank Parker's president. What else you got, Bill? And so Bill says, that ain't not going to work. He says, I know if we give them a good enough deal, they'll cough up the money. So they went around trying to get somebody to donate or buy these stock certificates for $25 apiece for this book they were going to write. And here's what they thought. They thought that they were gonna sell literature by the trainloads. Why? Because the Oxford group people had sold literature by their trainload. And who more desperate than an alcoholic to know how to get out of that mess? So they just thought it was a lock. But it wasn't a lock, They couldn't get anybody to come up with $25. You're dealing with drunks. If they had $25, they're thinking about relapsing. And so they didn't raise any money. Then Hank gets another idea. He says, Bill, let's do this. Oh, Hank was my kind of guy. He says let's go to Reader's Digest and tell them about this book we're going to print and tell them about oh something happened even before that let me get to this story I'm not going to buy my notes I'm trying to make this off the cuff and I'm not doing it too well but I'll I forget some of the important stuff after they had tried to raise this money didn't have any luck bill got despondent we'd call it depressed these days but he got a little despondant and uh he went to see his brother-in-law leonard strong we've got a picture of him around here somewhere and leonardo strong had always provided bill with a with a nice strong shoulder to lean on and so he went told leonards strong he says man these rich people are so short-sighted he said man we're on to something and of course leonhard strong saw what was happening to bill Bill was by this time seven, eight, nine months sober and he knew that whatever it was was working for Bill and must be good and so when Leonard Strong heard Bill tell of his tales of woe and not being able to raise any money he says listen I used to know a guy that was connected to the Rockefellers he says if he's still alive he may remember me so Leonard Strong calls up over to the Rockefeller Foundation and talked to I've got to get my notes Willard Richardson Willard Richardson and he did remember Leonard I'm in here somewhere I've gotta find this mess he did remember Leonard Strong and Leonard Strong says my brother-in-law is sober about 8 or 9 months and he's got something he thinks that works he said would you be interested in hearing he says yeah come on over because these people were teetotallers. They liked that Volstead Act. They liked outlawing drinking. That's who the Rockefellers were. So he says, come on over and talk. And they went over and had a chat, and they arranged to have another chat. And they says, listen, Bill, you, Dr. Bob, Dr., Silkworth, and a few of your drunk buddies, come one over and we'll bring some of our friends from the Rockefeller people and we will have a little meeting. And so they had this historic meeting, And when these people from the Rockefeller Foundation were there, along with these other drunks, they started pitching and they told about their alcoholic misery and their recovery from it as a result of what they were doing. And one of the Rockefellers people said, well, this sounds just like first century Christianity. What the hell can we do to help? He didn't say hell. What can we doing to help. And that's when Bill and that bunch started saying, well we think we need hospitals. We think we needs missionaries. We've got to write some literature to tell people how this thing works. And so the people from the Rockefeller folks were given the same argument that they were getting in Akron, Ohio. It sounds like too big a business, too much money involved, and so on and so forth. They said it might just spoil the goodwill of man-to-man that seemed to be working so well. But then they decided to make a study of alcoholics. It wasn't called Alcoholics Anonymous at that time. I don't know what the hell it was called, but it wasn't AA. and they said we'll make a study and we'll see if we can't make a recommendation to Mr. Rockefeller to fund you so that you can get started in these good works so they sent Frank Amos to Akron, Frank Amis is one of the guys who was there at that meeting and Frank Amus went to Akron Ohio to look around he attended some meetings, he talked to some people about Dr. Bob and how well he was doing etc etc and he found the place there that could be easily converted it into a hospital. And of course, they had already decided that if there was to be a hospital, it was going to be in Akron where Dr. Bob could do it, could run it. Because see, Dr. Bobby, his practice hadn't been going too well. Dr. Bobs was a proctologist and his reputation always preceded him. And so they weren't going to let Dr.Bob mess with their procto so he wasn't i mean he was he was in desperate straits he couldn't make no money because he wasn'T good to be a drunk proctologist i can dare i can tell you that much so frank amos comes back he makes his report he gives it to willard richardson he says i recommend $50,000 just as a start. $50 in 1936 or seven is a whole lot of money folks. So then Mr. Richardson went it in handed to John D Rockefeller and said and then he added his own remarks about what he had seen and what he observed and thought it was good stuff. And John D. Rockefeller looked at the report and he says he says I think money will spoil this thing. He says I think it will spoil the man-to-man approach that seems to be working now he knew us better than we knew us because he refused to give us any money and it was at that time that mr richardson told john d rockefeller says listen dr bob is behind on his mortgage these guys aren't working what can we do to help them out john d says listen here's what i'm going to do for you i'm gonna put five thousand dollars of my money into the riverside church which was his church and he says these guys can draw on it as long as it lasts and once it's gone please don't ever ask me for another nickel and so of course it did salvage dr bob's home he was able to catch his mortgage up and then of course they drew so much a week until it ran out and of course in the meantime they get to working on this book project. And the first thing that they wrote was Bill's story. I mean, it was written before they really got started on the book. And they also wrote a chapter called that we know today as There is a Solution. So these were the two chapters that they had. Now they're going around knocking on doors and saying, We're so glad we're alcoholics and we're here to see you about donating some money. Now, you don't know who we are, but these two chapters, they didn't call them chapters. He says, We have written a story about what a real alcoholic looks like, and we've written a history about there is hope for this alcoholic, and we need your help to do it. So they had these two chapter going. And then one day Charlie Towns tells Bill, he says, Listen, I got a friend. his name is X-Men at Harper's Magazine he's the religious editor go down and see him I made an appointment so Bill goes down and shows this guy the two chapters he had already written Eugene X-Man looks at him and says can you write a whole book using the same style yeah I can do that how long do you think it will take oh about 8 or 9 months and Eugene Xman then made this statement he says listen if you think it'll help you out we can advance your 1500 we'll take it out of the royalties when the book's published sounded like a good deal and by this time they had created a foundation which ultimately turns into the general service office but it was called the alcoholic foundation in which uh they would meet periodically and look at an empty treasure and talk about what was going on and so bill was on his way back to talk to him about eugene xman and Eugene X-Men's offer to them. Then on the way home, this is according to Bill, he says he got to thinking about that. He said that sounded like a good deal. He says, but I don't know. I think we ought to own our own literature. So when he went to the trustees to tell them about it, they said, well, we oughta take the deal. Bill had his reservations about him and of course they walked away making no decision about it. And this is when Hank Parkhurst gets involved in it with the stock certificates, et cetera, et cetera. And the idea, let's go down and talk to Reader's Digest. Let's drop a few names like John D is our friend. Gave us five grand. It's got to be good. And they went down to see the managing editor, Payne of Reader'S Digest, they went in there and dropped a few name, told them what they were and who they were, they're writing a book, got to published in a very short period of time And Mr. Payne says, you know, that sounds like something we would be interested in. However, however, I'll have to take it up with my managing editors and I'll let you know. Well, they left, headed back to New York with an endorsement. As far as they were concerned, Reader's Digest is going to publish an article when our book is ready. They went back and sure enough, they were able to sell all of the stock certificates It's based on the idea that Reader's Digest was going to do an article on them. And they had created 600 shares, two to sell at $25 each, and they made it easy. Five dollars down, five dollars a week if you didn't have it all right now. I mean, they were good salesmen. Then the 200 shares would be for Bill as the primary author of the book, and $200 would be for Hank Parkhurst as the PR man. And so they had that all squared away. So they get to working on that book and working on it at a place that Hank Parkurst had in New Jersey. Hank Parkburst was in business. You know, he'd been hired by Standard Oil and they fired him, drinking. And probably as a means of getting back with them, he started this association of dealers. They gathered all these dealers together so that they, as a combine, would get a better price from the oil company. He's trying to get back at them, I'm sure. But he had this business, Honors Dealers is what it was called, and let's see, Bill went in there every day and started writing, dictating to Ruth Hock who was the secretary of this little outfit dictating-to-her based on some chapter titles that Bill Wilson had written down. He would dictate them to her she'd type them out He'd take them that soon as she was finished with them, send a copy to Dr. Bob who said, Hey, it's good stuff. You're doing a great job over there in New York. Keep it up. And then he would take what had been written to the meeting that night. Can you imagine? Fifteen or so of us sitting around. I'm Bill Wilson. I've got this book. And here's what I've written today, boys and girls. I'm going to pass it out until you look it over and as soon as you get it you know what you'd say horse shit this is where do you get this stuff who do you think you are that's the way it was and so he didn't get a lot of support Dr. Bob good job Bill keep it up but not Bill take these things to the meeting you know how we are if i didn't do it it ain't worth a damn i mean you know that's that's our attitude if i din't think it up it's not a good idea i can guarantee you that much so so that's the way it went uh until in the meetings when he just got a mauling and i can imagine bill how frustrated he must have been that nobody appreciated or what he was doing and he many times he said i felt like throwing that damn thing right out the window thank god he didn't chapter five working with others was written in december of 1938 he was progressing see december 1938 how long is this four years after he gets sober four years après he gets over look at the wisdom in in chapter five at this point in the process bill was a little worried because he had never written anything He was not an author. He was a correspondent lawyer. Not a good one at that, and a stock manipulator from New York City. He didn't know how to write books. Progress had been slow, and the hassling over the first four chapters had been terrific. But he'd reached this place. He was in a very spiritual mood that night, December 1938, at home. He was laying in bed with a pad and a pencil in his hand. And, you know, some of us do our best work in bed. He laid in bed with a pencil and a pad and reflected on all that occurred since Abby first visited him in the fall of 1934. They had a word-of-mouth program, which most of the ideas came from the Oxford groups and from William James. See, when Bill was in that hospital in 1934, when he had his white flash spiritual experience, Ebi had brought him the message of the oxford groups. And when he had that experience which is described in the big book in his story, he felt as though something occurred. This white wind of spirit blew right through the room. And the next day Ebi comes to see him and he has this book called Varieties of Religious Experiences by William James. So, now, Ebi hands him the book and Bill says, Ebi, have you read this book? Ebi said, no, I haven't, but I heard it was good. So, Bill tried to read it. Have you ever seen a copy of that book? Oh, it's heavy. And Bill had trouble understanding and reading it. It's just like some people that you'll run into in Alcoholics Anonymous and get a copy of our book. He said, I don't understand this stuff. Then Bill realized what most alcoholics soon realize, that this book was written about his experience. It was trying to tell him what had happened and what he might expect. And when he realized that, he said he was able to consume the book. And so when you and I realize that this Book Called Alcoholics Anonymous was written for and about us, then you are able to consum it and understand it. But if you think it belongs to somebody else, oh, this will help you out to have a real... Yeah, that ain't going to work. Silkworth, who had defined alcoholism as an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind, it was followed by, because everybody who came into Alcoholics Anonymous had to understand Silkworth's position. Allergy of the Body, which made sense. Doesn't it make sense? If you're told as an alcoholic that you keep drinking because when you take one drink it sets up a phenomenal craving for another drink, You have this allergy that's aggravated when you drink. And he said, if you keep doing that, you'll get drunk. And then he says, it's bad enough that you get drunk, but as soon as you get out of it, you start making excuses for it. What am I called? I don't know. I mixed that beer and gin. It always happens that way. You're not going to take responsibility for it, so then the rest of the program, as it looked like, this is what they were saying. This was these six little steps. we admitted that we were licked and that we were powerless. That was the first one. Then it says we've got to make a moral inventory of our defects or sins. Then we've gotta confess our shortcomings with another in confidence. Then we've gonna make restitutions for harms done by our drinking, and we've gotta help others expecting nothing in return. Anonymity at its best. And we've Gotta pray to whatever God we think there is to practice these precepts. this was in essence what the program looked like at that time everybody was using Silkworth's expression describing the alcoholic dilemma and even by then they knew that the prospect had to accept excuse me turn it off for a second let me get okay they had to accept that or get nowhere but as he laid in the bed in December 1934 reflecting over these things he he knew that he needed to put the spine or the backbone of the book right here then he said before he started writing after thinking about these things he said he prayed for guidance I can just God I need a little help here I'm an alcoholic with no experience writing books, and here I am in the middle of one. So, I need some help. Then Bill started writing with these thoughts in mind that I just mentioned. And he says, with speed that is astonishing. Took him about 30 minutes. Then he looked over his steps and he numbered them. And they wound up with 12. And Bill said he thought about the 12 apostles. And then shortly thereafter, a fellow came by to see him on the way home from a meeting with his protege. That's what they called him in those days. And Bill showed him what he had written in the steps. And the guy got upset. He says, You've got too much God in here, Bill. What the hell is wrong with you? He said, What do you mean here humbly on our knees? What's wrong with me? What's going on with you?" There's too much of that stuff in here, Bill. This is no good. Bill says, well, hey, this was written under the auspices of God. And the guy said, I don't give a damn who they were written by. It ain't going to work. And they didn't get quiet until Lois came in and says, shh, have some coffee. And they quieted down. Bill defended, almost to a point of physical contact, what he had written. He said it wasn't my, hell I didn't do it, God did it. And you know, as I look back on it, I know God wrote it. I mean, I'm 30 years sober. Ain't no way I could write something that good, knowing what I know. So, these visitors got into this heated discussion And then they got into the completion of the book. And here's where you've got to understand. We had three groups of people in AA, if you could break them down. And all of them played their part. You know, if we could probably break our numbers down into these three groups too, we had the conservatives. And I'm not talking about political stuff. I'm talking about the conservatives at that time. They wanted a book written. They wanted a lot of God in the book. They wanted the God in the book and they wanted even some quotes from the Bible even. I mean, this is who they were. Then they had the liberals. This was the middle of the ground. The bunch that says we don't have any objections to the word or the term God but we are against any theological or religious position. Spirituality yes. Religion no. That was the other bunch. And then they have the other end of the extreme, the radicals. Jimmy Burwell, Hank Parkhurst, they were atheists more or less. They didn't want anything about God mentioned at all in the book. They wanted a book which was mostly psychological. Remember the Emanuel Group? So Bill was caught up in all this bickering, all this fighting and all this arguing by the different factions. And he said, I can just imagine. He said, I felt like throwing this book away. I didn't want to go on any further. And he finally cut a deal with them. Bill cut a Deal. He said this. He says, Listen, if you don't let me be the determining factor of how this book is written, you guys can write the damn thing and leave me out of it. And they were standing there looking at each other. Can you write anything? I can't right now. I never wrote nothing. I just barely signed my name today. So they decided and they knew that they had to give in to that. They'd say, Bill, you're the man. Do whatever you think is necessary. Just check it out with us. We'd like to just have some input. So then they decided about this time that there was something more needed in the book. you know they have the first seven chapters and then they have their family afterwards the wives and so on and so forth and you know these alcoholics thinking if we leave it this way this book ain't going to be that big and that ain't going to work we got to make sure these people know they're getting the money's worth so we need some stories in the back we need Some Witnesses and so they were able to get 36 stories together to include in the book and then as they got closer to it they figured well it was time to go down and see mr. Payne at readers digest and let him know hey they were about ready to give birth to this book and they went down there and seen mr. pain mr. paints they walked in the office said well we're two boys from Alcoholics Anonymous were about ready to publish this book. He said, are you ready to do an article on it? And Mr. Payne looked at him and he had trouble remembering who the hell they were. He said oh yeah I remember you two guys but remember what I said. I said I had to take it up with my managing editors and you know to my surprise they were not in agreement with it at all. Too controversial and all that kind of stuff. So Bill and Hank went back to New York City just dejected and depressed and just out of sorts and they were so amazed and and you know the people that saw them says hey what is your faith what's wrong with you can you know cheer up a little bit it's gonna be all right it's going to be all right and uh then one morning there was a guy by the name of morgan who uh who knew what was going on and he says hey bill he says you know i used to know a guy by the name of Gabriel Heater who was on the radio program. And he had a national hookup from coast to coast, Gabriel Header. I remember as a kid I heard Gabriel Heaker. I didn't hear this thing. But he says, I'm going to go down and see Mr. Heater and I'll report back to you. So he came back and says, guess what? Gabriel Heather is going to interview me in 10 days. I'm gonna tell him a little bit about me and then I'mma put in a plug for the book. all right now hank parkhurst says damn that that ain't great here's what we're going to have to do boys and girls he says we got to send a postcard to every physician east of the mississippi to tell them about this program and to put in a plug for the book and request that they buy one and so uh they didn't have enough money to do that they had to borrow money to doing that And then Hank says, you know, Morgan just got out of the insane asylum. He's liable to mess up. Given the way things are going, he's li able to mess up. What are we going to do? Hank says well let me think about this. They had a member who was a member of the athletic club in New York City and they were able to talk him into letting them use that room and they put Morgan in that room for 10 days with a guard on the door so he wouldn't escape so he wouldn't get drunk so the day finally came when Morgan showed up and and everybody in AA who was in correspondence knew that the show was going off and they were all tuned to their little radios that evening and if you want to know what the transcript of that radio program is in the the history book? No, no. It's not A.A. Comes of Age. The other one. Pass it on. That's it. Pass it on, it's in there. Passing on. Now you can see why I'm getting out of this seminar there. Can't remember shit. So Morgan does this deal, and then Hank, Ruth Hawk, and Bill Wilson wait 72 hours. Then they go down to the post office to pick up all these requests that they know are going to be waiting there. They each carry a suitcase down with them. go down to this pick up that mail send them books out they get down there and they look in this little window they see a few little and Bill's mouth drops and Hank Parker says hey don't worry about it hell I got them in the bags in the back they call the mail clerk over and the mail worker said this is it this is all there is there was about 10 or 12 responses Most of them you couldn't read because you can't read a doctor's handwriting anyway for the most part. And when you're drunk, you can'T read nothing. They got one order of the book out of there. $400 spent on sending these postcards out. They got 1 book order. So then, eventually, Bill gets a chance to talk to Fulton Osler, Liberty Magazine. They do an article on us in 1939. And the book is finally published in April of 1939. And before they do this, Eugene Exman, they go down to put their order in. And Eugene Exmon, who was a great friend of Alcoholics Anonymous, he says, well, how many do you want to do to begin with? And they said, how about 5,000? He said, well, that would be good. How much have you got to put down on this? About 500. Because Hank was thinking 10% was a good figure. but Eugene Exman was a little surprised at that low figure but he went along with them and then they went to the Cornwall Press to put the galleys together and they made a request there we want this book written on the thickest paper you've got and we want the margins to be a little wide the whole reason for that is they wanted it became a big book, he said we wanted these people to think they were getting their money's worth for $3.95. And so that's how it got its name affectionately called the big book because it was big and it was covered with this anonymous dust cover. Walk down the street. so they do this article they start communicating with about 850 people sold a lot of books as a result of the Liberty article in 1940 Hank got drunk over a dispute about where to locate the office and the office furniture and during this time Bill turned over his 200 shares to the foundation and he talked Hank Parkhurst into doing the same thing. So there's another story behind that, but I'm not going to get into it. It has to do with some resentments from folks who were related to Hank Parkurst who later said, we were robbed!