John K. on the Big Book, Higher Power, and the New Employer

About This Speaker Tape

Primary Purpose Group 31st Anniversary - 2019

A garage apartment in Kessler Park smelling of death and littered with empty Skull vodka bottles was the bottom for John K. After years of cycling through fancy treatment centers and 'desire chips' that never stuck he hit a wall of total physical and spiritual collapse. The turning point came not from a clinical setting but from the grit of Cliff B. and a tattered Big Book. John K. moves from the 'hip slick and cool' delusion of his youth to the brutal honesty of a Fifth Step that dismantled his ego and reconciled him with his father. He describes a shift from fighting the urge to drink to a state of neutrality where the problem simply ceases to exist provided he stays in the service of others. His recovery is anchored in the concrete image of the 'new employer'—a Higher Power who demands performance and action over mere contemplation.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 John K. opens with a reflection on showing gratitude through action rather than words.
• 2:15 Laughter: Story about being called 'rat boy' and the influence of sponsor Cliff B.
• 6:40 Recounts the first time he drank at 15 in Miami to impress older girls.
• 13:20 Description of the 'crazy gringo' period in Puerto Rico and experiencing DTs.
• 18:50 The ' lapped-up' state of his bottom in the Kessler Park garage apartment.
• 23:10 Meeting Cliff B. again and the blunt conversation where he is told he is 'screwed'.
• 27:45 Step 3: The prayer on the 'prayer bench' and the decision to surrender.
• 32:10 Step 5: The 'word vomit' session and the reconciliation of his feelings toward his father.
• 38:20 The emotional amends to his mother in Gainesville.
• 44:10 Discussion of the '10 step promises' and the concept of spiritual neutrality.