John E. at the Triple C Big Book Workshop – 2023

All right. All right, all right, all right. I love that guy, Matthew McConaughey. Awesome. Well, once again, thank you guys so much for being back with us this morning. My name's John Eimer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. And Jared did an awesome job kicking us off with the fourth step. I am going to kind of pick that up and take us into five and kind of see where we go from there um but yeah you know the the fourth step I think as I shared a little bit last night um you know I balked at for for many years when I was kind of in and out of AA that was typically one of my my spinoff moments you know in the middle of that inventory just dragging my feet not wanting to look at anything um and when you you know you stay close to the book and you kind of follow it as as jared explained out of the book it really can be and should be a pretty fairly simple process i think we complicated a lot um but you know one of the things that you know they reinforce at the end of the text and how it works when we're wrapping up the fourth step is you know this idea that you You know, all this stuff that we're unpacking is what's blocking us from this power that's going to allow us to have this spiritual awakening, which is going to remove the mental obsession and keep us on track. And I just really like how they outline that on page 71. At the very top of the page it says, We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from him. If you have already made a decision and an inventory of your gross or handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so, you've swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself. So, you know, it's kind of saying, good job, right? But at the same time, it is reminding us that we are blocked spiritually and we are still blocked spiritually. we this stuff has not been removed yet you know this has just been identified we're gonna we're gonna get some you know a little bit of a promise on the preceding page we're going to have a new way to look at life uh we're to have new perception when it comes to these resentments and fears and harms done to others um but at the end of the day you know we have to keep moving we have to stay vigilant and that takes us into chapter six into action where we get some instructions on on our next step step five and you know for me this brought in brought up some more anxiety you know okay i've outlined all this stuff um i've listed all these defects of character now I've got to share them with someone else you know there were there were some things on my inventory that I had never shared with anyone you know that's one thing I also talk about with the fourth step that you know Jared reminded me of when I was going through and I've heard other speakers talk about it and it's something I try and make clear to my guys you know when we're going through that fourth step you know it talks about honesty and thoroughness you know that's what we need to focus on. We need to be as honest as possible. We need be as thorough as possible it doesn't really outline how long it should be, you know, that's going to be dependent on each and every one of us just individually. But what we, what we want to focus is, you know, the stuff that we're trying or thinking about leaving off, you know when I'm writing that inventory, I don't want to focus on, you know, I just want to put everything I can think of on that inventory. But if there's anything that I'm holding on to, that's going to be the problem, you know? Because there's things that I forget. You know, there's things that in doing it, and this can be, you know, a consequence of doing it within that week. There's things that I might not recall that might come up at a later date. And thankfully we have a way to process that, aka the 10th step. The things that I need to make sure are on there, the things that are on my mind that, you know, I've never shared with anyone else, that I don't want to share with anyone else, I need To get them down. Because if I leave that stuff off, that's what's going to trip me up in the future. You know, holding on to that stuff is what's gonna hold me back, you know, and it gives us multiple opportunities to get honest about that stuff. But I have to be willing to put that stuff on paper. And those are the things, you know, it's like the devil in the details. I've got to be aware that that stuff's going to trip me up if I hold on to it. You know, I have to be entirely honest to get through this process. So once we've done that, once we've outlined everything, we go on to step five and they give us some good information when it comes to the fifth step, you Know, and we're going to go through a lot of it. And, you know, keeping in mind this book was written in a, you know, a time when AA wasn't as big as it is now. But, you know, let's kick it off on chapter 6, page 72, into action. It reads, having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects. We have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which when completed will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the fifth step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter. You know, like I shared, this can be difficult for some of us to share certain things. We want to hold on to them. We want to keep them to ourselves. We're embarrassed for whatever reason. It's how we stay safe. But I think they do a great job, especially on page 73, bringing us back to this idea of the actor and the double life. Because me holding onto those things results in so much inner turmoil and ultimately is what keeps me blocked from God. Because writing it down on a piece of paper and seeing it for what it is, is definitely beneficial. But to be totally free, I've got to bring someone else into the mix, you know? It can't just be me and God. I can't just ask God to remove them. I have to bring another person into the mix to really get free. And if, you know, if you ever, let's say, you know, lie to someone, which I assume a lot of us have done, you know, when I get honest, who feels free when you get honest? I mean, it's something you can sense. It's something you can feel, you know? So that's why we have to go through this process. You know, again, they do on page 73, I'm just going to read this part about the, you now, the double life. More than most, about halfway through the first new paragraph, more than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world, he presents a stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it. The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and attention, and that makes for more drinking. So this stuff that's, you know, as just discussed in the fourth step is the root of my troubles, is, you Know, this spiritual malady, this selfishness, self-centeredness, this is all the stuff that standing in the way of me getting free. This is all stuff that driving me back and keeping me in this vicious cycle of alcoholism. It's keeping that mental obsession alive. So I've got to let go of it to get through that, to get free from this illness that we suffer from. And, you know, it goes on to mention this, what I mentioned last night, just about us lying to doctors. We think, oh, well, I've seen a psychologist and I've talked about certain things. You know, there's always something that I'm holding back from a certain person, you know, just to kind of manipulate the situation, justify what I'm doing on the outside. But inside, I can't shake out of that, you know? Holding on to that dishonesty just jams me up. And the further we get into this, the more we experience it, the more we feel it, and the more we can sense it, you know? And it just stays, it keeps us blocked. If we go back to page 72, it gives us a solid reason in why we do this. About halfway through the second paragraph, it says the best reason first, if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. That's ultimately why we're here, right? We want to stop drinking. It's giving us a pretty solid negative promise that if we don't get entirely honest, we might not overcome drinking and for those of us who have maybe made a beginning and gone through this process and held something back that's one of those things you can always circle back to i've worked with guys that have been through the process either halfway or sometimes even all the way through and that's one of the things you go back and look at were you entirely honest in your fifth step or your fourth in your fist up no i wasn't okay you know let's let's take another look at that what were you missing you know it's a good place to look and it's good to ask when you're when you're in the fifth step are you sure you haven't omitted anything is there anything that you're hanging on to i know it might be tough to talk about like jared said there's with some of us there's some sensitive topics some things we might want to we might not want to share but we have to get rid of this stuff. We have to process it. We have to go through it. So, when it comes down to the actual mechanics of doing it, you know, on page 74, they're going to give us a lot of good suggestions in finding the right person to take this step with. And, you know, again, this book was written in the early 30s when the program was still growing a big reason they created this book was so they could you know grow the program by sending it to people in rural areas and areas that you know AA hadn't you know been developed in yet and so at the end of the day there weren't a lot of sponsors like we have today there weren't meetings there weren t a lot places for us to find someone to guide us through this work and so you know they gave us an option to potentially find a priest or a doctor. And given the book says it, I don't want to discount it. But I do like to say, honestly, when I'm in that fourth step and I'm feeling all the feelings that are happening and I am looking at this stuff as an alcoholic, some things I don't understand. Some things are very clear. Honestly, I think it makes a lot of sense to go through this with another alcoholic, someone that's been where I've been, someone that's probably done a lot the same things, you know? I know for me it was daunting to go through that fifth step, but at the end of the day, it was easier to go through it with Jared, you know, because again, I'd heard his story. I'd read about some of the things he'd done. and I shared some of those experiences. But one element that I will bring up is, you know, seeing a priest or if someone has an established religion. I had a sponsee that was very Catholic. You know, that was his understanding of God and his higher power, and totally respect that. and part of catholicism is is you know you know sharing with the priest and and i forget what it's called confession yes thank you thank you um going through that process and so he he mentioned that to me and asked me about that in the you know and going through this and and we still went through the fifth step process but i encouraged him to go do a formal confession with a priest, you know? I think that's great. The book does not tell us to stay away from that and only do this, and I'm definitely not saying that. But I think, like it mentions further along in the book, especially, I think it's in step 11, you now, we want to do it in addition to the mechanics of what, you kno, the book's telling us to do. And I think it just, it can add to the effect if that's how you believe when going through this process. And he did that. I helped him find a priest. He was not from Dallas. I helped them find a local Catholic church, just told them to call him, explain the situation, and to do it from this angle because if we go down on page 74, Or in the last paragraph, let's just read that real quick. Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone, it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available. If that is so, this step may be postponed only, however, if we hold it ourselves in complete readiness to go through it at the first opportunity. We say this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is important that he be able to keep a confidence that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at, that he will not try to change our plan, but we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone. So what I'm focused on in that sentence is making them clear in what our intent is and what we're trying to do and explaining that so they understand what we'RE driving at. Another way this can come up is, you know, Jared mentioned some situations, some things that might have happened to us, some traumatic, some trauma. And I didn't really have a lot of that in my past. But I have worked with some guys that did. And similar to the religious experience and following that, when it comes to that trauma, like I am not a therapist. I cannot provide counsel around those issues. You know, we need to look at them, like Jared said, from that different angle. But, you know, мы might need to work through some of those issues with a qualified professional, such as a doctor, psychologist, a psychiatrist, a therapist, um and this is is you know the other book tells us in in the family afterward you know we should seek out doctors god put doctors on earth for a reason you know um so that is another area where we can allow someone to meet with a qualified professional process that again with the intent you know taking in what we've done and what we know of our selfishness self-centeredness and how we process that but they should be able to help us work through some of that deep-seated trauma and I think that can be extremely valuable. Continuing on on page 75 it gives us some more timing direction you know in the first fresh paragraph it says when we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have written an inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life and death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help. They will be honored by our confidence. So again, we Waste No Time. This isn't something I finish that inventory or I'm sitting on that inventory. This is again suggestive language that we need to get through this, you know? This is what's blocking us from God. I potentially have a week to a month. I need to Get Through This Process Quickly. This is how I get connected to the power. It's a life-and-death errand, you know? It reminds us that, you know, for some of us, if it's progressed far enough, if we don't follow through with this work, if we don'T Get Through This Quickly, find this power quickly, it might mean death, you know, this is very serious. And as a sponsor, when I'm taking guys through, it's not something that I'm going to delay. I mean, I understand we are all very busy. We all tend to have professional jobs. We can have families. But, you know, if I have a sponsee that's, you know, gone through, and it's something I have to be aware when I am setting timing and going into that fourth step. Do I have time to meet with this guy when he's potentially going to be done with that fourth step because I don't want to add more time onto it because I have something else going on. You know, we have to factor all of that in because, you know, for me, and I think going through that fourth step and then just having a few days of waiting until Jared and I were going to meet, if that had been delayed a week or two, I would have just been freaking out the whole time. All of those character defects would have just been blaring. So I think it's vital, as it says, that we need to waste no time on both sides of it. We need to get through this. We Need to keep the appointments that we set and get through this process quickly. So my fifth step experience with Jared, and this is more so just kind of a funny story. I came back to AA right at the start of the pandemic, and so when we went through this process, again, we went through it pretty quickly. It was a couple weeks in. I was ready to do my fifth step. We still didn't know a lot about COVID, and it was still just kind of weird, the social distancing and masks and all that stuff, and we talked about meeting somewhere, and we're like, well, I guess we should do it outside, right? You know, we probably shouldn't be in a tight space together. And so Jared had me meet him in a Walmart parking lot on a Saturday morning. We had two portable chairs. We set those chairs in the parking lot next to his truck, and I shared my fista. And at first that added to that anxiety, you know? I was like, is anyone watching? Can anyone hear this? You know, it was a little bit freaky. But at the end of the day, everything went perfectly fine. I had no problem going through it. I think, you know, one thing Jared did, and i've done working with my guys, is, you Know, he had me go through the fourth step as outlined in the book, but it's on these worksheets that just keeps it real cut and dry. We don't have to worry about lines and rulers and all of that. So I can just get through it. List names, two, three, and then hit that fourth column and just keep moving. So I had all these workshoots. He took those workshets from me. I no longer had them. And he started asking me questions. What about this guy? What about this person? And that's how we went through it. And like Jared said, you know, when we spend a lot of time on this and we allow our sponsee to take us through this, we tend to just start justifying everything when we're telling these stories. And I've had sponsees do that. You know, starting out, I wouldn't take the paper from them. And, you know, I'd ask them, all right, let's start with the biggest one you got on there, the one you don't want to talk about. Let's just get that one out of the way. You know? And they would start with The Whole Story. And I'd be like, whoa, whoa. Let's skip on it. I just want, like I gave you in the four-step directions, I just wanted bullet points. Let's get to that fourth column and take a look at that. That's where, you need to be, and that's where I can best help you see things. and you know I just kept repeating and that's you know finally when I got to the place where I was just taking that from them and asking them and keeping it concise and keeping them focused on that fourth column because you know for some of them you know as a sponsee I wasn't sure where you know i fit into this resentment or this fear this harm you know some are very obvious, like Jared shared. But some of them I didn't know, you know, and I needed guidance. And that's where we as sponsors on the flip side can help our sponsees see, you know, where they were selfish, where their inconsiderate, where they were dishonest. You know, we can ask questions that allow them to see these defects and not deny them, not justify them, not do all the things, you know, use our ego to make them okay. You know, because that's ultimately what's happening, whether we're conscious of it or not. You know? Our ego has the ability to keep us safe from these things by justifying them. So we're able as sponsors to help people see through that. You know and that even comes to play in the 10th step. You know, and it happens, you know, my fiance and I, my fiance is also an alcoholic and she's been through this work and she is working with others and all of that. And, you know, when things come up with me, she tends to see it before I do. You know? She's very quick to, and she doesn't, you know, get angry. She doesn't like go, you know, you're totally just in resentment right now. You're totally blocked from God. Like, shame on you. She doesn't take that approach, thankfully. But she encourages me to look at things different ways and perhaps just, hey, you should maybe pray about that, and you should probably call Jared about that with things going on at work or things just happening in life because that's how it goes. We don't see things sometimes. Even several years sober, I don't sea things right away. So that's where this benefit of having someone else in our lives to help us see through all of this, you know, these defects and see them for their truth and what they are. That's how we can grow from it. That is how we get connected to God at the beginning and stay connected to god moving forward. So, in the text, it goes on to giving us some direction, and also giving us some promises along the way. I'm going to read this second paragraph on page 75. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. we begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the broad highway, walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe." It's another beautiful promise that this book gives us and some more motivation to go through with the rest of this work, you know? Because like I shared last night, as someone who was skeptical about this whole idea of spirituality and a spiritual experience in God and a higher power, this gives me a reason to go through it. You know? It gives me something to look for. And you know, while after sharing this fifth step and after going through this process, on the way home I didn't have any bright white light experience, that connection that I mentioned in taking that third step prayer, that feeling that I got, it was multiplied, you know, just a little bit. You know, it was something that I could sense. It was becoming more and more tangible, again, as a result of more and More Action. So in sharing that fifth step, I started to taste this freedom that the book promises us. um so the first part of of the fifth step we've covered you know sharing that with our sponsor there is a second part and that's mentioned at the bottom of page 75 it says returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour carefully reviewing what we have done we thank god from the bottomofourheartthatweknowhimbetter taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the 12 steps Carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask if we have omitted anything. For we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? So starting out there, you know, Jared mentioned this to me. He's like, I've had guys that have literally put their book on the shelf and followed the instructions to a tee and, you know, taken it off the shelf and sat down and spent that hour in quiet. If you want to do that, go for it, you know? And I tell my guys that. That's being, you know, just super verbatim sticking to the text, which I guess can't hurt. I didn't do all of that, but I did spend an hour quite at home. My phone was put away. Computer was away. All my distractions, TV's off, all that good stuff. Just me alone on my couch. you know and i considered everything i had done so far you know these steps that i'd taken so far the work that i had been so far and i really focused again on that inventory and focused on if there was anything that i admitted you know it's very clear there omitted anything that's what counts and in doing that some stuff did come up you know and i hadn't consciously omitted it in the fourth step but it was just you know in having that discussion with jared and and starting to see some of the truth in that fourth column around some of this inventory i could st i could start connecting the dots to other things and it brought up you know some past situations that were just starting to flood in you know and that can happen so i looked at those things i prayed about it i picked up the phone and i called jared we talked through them you know just like we just basically can continue that fifth step and i think that's a really valuable part of this fista you know and and regardless of whether that happens or not you know i always give my sponsor's direction if anything comes up call me right away and i make sure i'm available during that hour i also say if nothing comes up, call me at the end of that hour you know um because i think it's it's just crucial that we you know we circle back make sure that everyone's clear that we're not omitting anything giving everyone the opportunity to share something get honest about something that's potentially going to hold them back and keep them blocked and then put us back out the door um so my direction coming out of that you know that hour was to jump right immediately into six and seven so you know there's not a lot of text on six 6 and 7 in the big book. You know, there's a decent amount of information in the 12 and 12. There's also some other books that were written that focus on 6 and7. I'm not going to get into all of that today, but 6 and seven for me are something that I have to practice on a regular basis. You now, it's something that i incorporate into my daily prayer. You know, when we look at 6, we'll read them. They're short. If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at step 6. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which have admitted are objectionable? Can he now take them all, every one? If we still cling to something, we will not let go. We ask God to help us be willing. I mean, to keep it simple, I can see where there's certain defects of character that maybe we weren't clear on. There are certain defects in character that might factor into our professional lives or our personal lives that are going to be hard. I think what it's saying is there are some things that are not immediately going to go away. You know, there's some things that we're going to continue that are going to continue to play out that we just have to be reminded of and be aware of and have faith and trust in God that over time those things are going to start to fall away. You know? And hopefully I'm going to become more aware of them. And in having the new spiritual tools that I have, I'm gonna have a way to get through them. I'm gong to have away to inventory and identify them. I'm gunna haveaway to pray about them and ask God to remove them. I'm going to have a way to talk to my sponsor or someone else. I'm gonna have away to discuss them with someone. So I think it just, you know, it adds a new level and a new way for us to look at these defects of character and have faith that God will help us remove them over time. You know, it then goes into the seventh step prayer, which basically, in a nutshell, just asks God in a very eloquent way to remove these defects of character, that again they are blocking us from him or it, whatever you want to call it. And this is also a stance I take in my morning prayer, you know? It's just factored into that prayer that I say in the morning that changes a little bit here and there, but you know this is a big, big piece of it. Asking God to help me see these things, and asking God to help me let go of these things over time. And I think that's the best practical application of them. Along with just having the faith that over time these things will start to fade away. In my personal experience, the things that I struggled with whether it was dishonesty, greed, selfishness, whatever it is did start to get better and improve over time you know i i it didn't discount the work that had been done i still started to feel that new connection i still had that faith but over time those things that were you know repeatedly coming up you know and going through the men's process and going through the 12-step process and working with other alcoholics things that we're continuing to come up I had a way to look at them and get through them and not have it just hold me back or throw me off track you know it's just another layer to keep us on track and keep us vigilant so after after step seven and saying that prayer I picked up the phone this is all again like Jared's experience happening within the same day this is that same Saturday that we met in the Walmart parking lot And we then took a look at step eight. And, you know, it's very clear with step eight, you know, again, it reminds us that we need more action. It reminds us of faith without works is dead. And then it has us take a look back at that four-step inventory, you now? And basically in step eight we'll read the short form. made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. There's two parts to that, and we'll start off with the list. It's going to tell us that we have that list in our inventory, and that's true. That's a good place to start and start writing that list. And so Jared gave me the directions to start there, but then I'm encouraged to look outside of that list because perhaps there are harms that don't have a resentment or fear attached to them. Perhaps there was something that I did that I was totally clear on and I wasn't going to identify as a resentment, but definitely had been done, especially things in the past. And it tends to be true with us chronic alcoholics and relapsers that are coming in and out, that are doing inventories and possibly getting through the work, but coming back. We have to go back and if we haven't made these amends if there's still harms that haven't been looked at, we have to be honest and thorough. It's another opportunity to write another list. And to be honest, my eight step list was longer than my four step list. I had a lot of harms. I did a lot OF harm in the 37 years I was alive you know and 20 years of heavy drinking and defects of character um I had harmed a lot of people you know personally professionally spiritually financially legally um there were a lot OF harms and that was another inventory that wasn't fun to go through but you know like they remind us throughout the book I had to go on this new principle of faith over fear, you know? Because I immediately started skipping ahead to, I'm going to have to face this. I'm gonna have to pay that back. How am I going to do that? I'm Gonna have to make this right. How Am I going To Do That? You know, we've got it. We've got to pump the brakes. We have to separate that side of it for now. We need to focus on this first part. All we're doing is making a list. That's the best direction you can give a sponsor. For now, just focus on that. Don't think about them then. We'll get there. But we have to be thorough at it outlining all this stuff and it doesn't need to be a long drawn-out list that writes you know what exactly happened you know I was given direction to list the name and you know if I needed to list like you know stole from or amounts or you know specific aren't lied to cheated on etc I list that but again just bullet points I went through that process it took a couple hours and and I called Jared back, and we went through that list together just over the phone. You know, and he gave me direction to help simplify the amends process, and that direction isn't in this book, so at the end of the day, this is optional, but I do it with all my guys, and I found it helpful. They tend to find it helpful as well. We basically broke that list into multiple categories, You know, starting out with, quote unquote, easy, you know, amends that I could go out and make today. You know something I'm clear on. I know where the person is. It's if it's, you Know, financial, it's a low amount of money that I have. You know it's something I could Go clean up today. You know so we list all those and then we get into the second column which is, you Know, you can categorize the different ways, you Know, just more difficult. I don't I'm not sure where they live. It's an amount of money that I don't have yet, but it's feasible. And so we take our list and we outline all of those names and places and institutions. And we have that middle column. And then we have the last column. And that last column is like there's no way in hell I can make that amends. Whether it be I don' t know where they are. They told me don't ever talk to me. Don't ever reach out to me again. It's an insane amount of money that I don't think I'll ever see in my life. The list can go on, you know? But it's just for whatever reason, I don' t think I can make that amends. And so we have those three columns. And what he explained to me is today we're going to focus on the easy column. You know, we're gonna start there. We're gonna star making those amends that can be done quickly. because, again, this is all stuff that's blocking me from God. Until it's amended, until it's fixed, until it's repaired, I am blocked from God, you know? It doesn't mean that I can't begin to have a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening, but I've got to start getting through this to build that connection. I've got to understand that. You know, it's still technically a life or death errand. I have to, he, Jared has a great question, you know, when I'm looking at this stuff and I'm not sure about certain action, how free do you want to be? To be totally free, I've got to go through this entire list. You now, understanding that it might take some time to get to some of these, to find some of these people, to pay off some of the institutions or people, It might take some time, but as long as I'm willing and as long as I am active in doing and taking those amends—and Jarrett's going to get into the ninth step specifically in a lot more detail—as long as I'm actively making them, that's all I need to do. That's all that counts when we're going through this. you know, we have to start somewhere. And I'll just briefly share as we run up to the end of time. Like Jared, I was given direction to start that process that same day. And I was shocked by that. I was like, man, I've done so much work today. I've gone five, six, seven, eight, you know? We've been doing this for like six hours. It's burned up my whole Saturday, You know, meanwhile, it's COVID. There's nothing going on. I had nothing else to do. But I was like, man, this is fast. But, you know, again, I had faith that, you know, everything he had told me had come true, you know, in that first step. Like, this Is what I need to do this work for him. I saw him for who he was in that moment. I wanted to get that same effect that he did. So I'm gonna keep working, you Know, and so we just identified one. Who could you connect with today and, you know, go and speak with today? And I was able to identify one. And it was just a friend. It was a, you Know, I'd just been dishonest. Um, I don't want to minimize any amend ever, but it, you Now, it wasn't a huge, huge deal. Um And so we went over the instructions, which again he'll do in the next hour. And I picked up the phone and I made a call, and I set some time up with them that evening. I went and met with that person. It was super awkward. I'm not going to lie. I was a little trembly, a little shaky, but I followed the instructions that he gave me and that the book gives us. And it was a beautiful experience. It Was just one of many of those little spiritual experiences that I was starting to have over the course of these few weeks of going through the work you know when I left there and I was able to pick up the phone and call Jared and fill him in as he instructed me to do I started to continue to sense this freedom this this spiritual awakening and experience that the book talks about it was something that was even more tangible now you know and it was directly attached to that action, you know? It wasn't something I could comprehend, I could make up. It was something that I legitimately felt, and it was just more testament to how this thing works, you know, and I was now even more bought in to this idea that, man, there's something in this. I don't know how it works, but it's working for me, you know? And so like a good alcoholic, I was like, I want more of this, you know? And so I continued to look at that list. I was able to identify more people that were easy to see and set up more amends for the following day and just kept that process going. And some of these amends, again, are lifelong. I am actively paying some amends still I am actively seeking out some people that are in different states that I need to go meet with but another thing I'll say about this 8th and 9th step in that how we bring in 6th and 7th into our daily prayer and meditation, I also bring amends into my daily meditation for the sake of the 10th step but also for the sake of just getting connected with people. One real quick story. When I was probably, I think I was like nine or ten months sober, I was starting to travel, starting to get out to vacation and whatnot, and I had a mountain biking trip planned out in West Texas. And I was going with some people that are in the program, but I was driving out there on my own. And in that morning meditation, I had, you know, I always ask God just about amends and, you know, helping me to be willing to make amends and see where I can make amens. And in the middle of the night, I was in that meditation, a guy's name popped up in my head. And it was a guy I'd gone to school with in Lubbock. And I was going very close to Lubboc on this trip. And so I looked him up on Facebook. That's another great amend tool, by the way. It's nice to have Facebook these days. and social media, it's a good way to find people. And I saw that he was living 20 minutes away from where I was going. And, I didn't have his phone number, so I sent him a message on Facebook just to make the connection, and just, you know, just to check in with him, and I reached out, and he got right back to me. And we connected, I got his phone member, we connected over the phone, I said, hey man, you know I'm gonna be out in your area this weekend, could we just set some time to talk, grab some dinner, something like that. And he agreed. And I was able to make that amends with this guy. And in the process of doing so, it turns out that this guy had just recently gone through some addiction struggles with drugs, you know? And I personally didn't have any experience with the drugs he was doing. But, you Know, in doing the amends, he, you knew I had a problem back then when the harm had occurred. He was actively in it with me, but he had no idea about recovery and the 12 steps and all of this, so he started asking questions and sharing a little bit more and more and more, and I could tell he was feeling pretty banged up about what was going on and just not understanding it, so I was able to just provide some guidance and give him some contacts and another fellowship to connect with and get plugged in and determine if he is a real addict, if he needs this solution. But it's amazing how God puts us through this process in the lives of others and gives us an opportunity even in the amends process to help someone out. That's how this works. That's a big crucial part and Jared's gonna go way more into that in our next session. But I just wanted to share that because it was just such a cool experience you know like nine months sober being in that position having again something come true that the book promises us so with that I'm going to wrap up I think we're going to take another 10 minute break Jared's going to come knock out nine and then we'll go to lunch thank you guys Thank you.