Joe and Charlie on the Big Book Process from Step 5 Through Step 8

Okay, let's go to page 72. 72, into action. We want to run very briefly now through steps 5, 6, and 7, and then we'll take our break, okay?\nSo we go to page 72, into action. Now, it's not into thinking. It's into action.\nHe said, having made our personal inventory, well, what should we do about it?\nWell, we've been trying to get a new attitude.\nRemember, Dr. Jung said, ideas, emotions, and attitudes were the guiding force of the lives of the people to suddenly cast to one side.\nWe're trying to get a new attitude and a new relationship with our creator.\nAnd our book said, back on page 45, that the main object of this book was to enable me to find a power greater than myself, which would solve my problem.\nAnd to discover the obstacles in my path.\nAnd what are some of the obstacles?\nThe resentment and the fear.\nAnd the,\nand the harms done to other people.\nWe've admitted certain defects.\nAnd what are these defects?\nSelfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightening, inconsiderate attitudes.\nWe've ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is.\nWe've put the finger on our weak items in our personal inventory.\nNow, these are about to be cast out.\nThis requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we've admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects.\nThis brings us to the fifth step.\nAnd the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.\nNow, we know that step five says, we admitted to God, to ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.\nBut if you'll notice here in the narrative, he said the exact nature of our defects.\nAnd people used to ask Bill about this.\nAnd we've known two ladies that worked with Bill, with and for him, for years.\nThey both tell us the same thing.\nThey would say, Bill, why did you use?\nYou used the word wrongs in step five.\nYet, in the narrative here in the book, you used the word defects.\nAnd by the way, Bill, what's the difference anyhow between a wrong in five, a defect in six, and a shortcoming in seven?\nAnd they both said that Bill would just kind of rear back and smile.\nAnd he would say, when I took English and writing courses in college,\nthey taught me not to use the same words over and over.\nIt shows how dumb you are.\nYou know, you know, you know.\nHe said there really are no differences in these things.\nHe said in step four, we find those things that block us off from God.\nIn step five, we're going to talk about them to another human being.\nIn step six, we're going to become willing to turn them loose.\nIn step seven, we're going to ask God to take them away.\nAnd he said you can call them anything you want to.\nA wrong, a fault, a mistake, a defect, a personality flaw, or whatever.\nAnd we're going to notice on the next couple of pages, that's exactly what he does with them.\nI followed it up in the 12 and 12.\nThirteen years later, not only does he do it there, but he does it twice as bad as he did in the big book.\nUsing these words interchangeably back and forth, all of them meaning identically the same thing.\nHe said,\nHe did it again, right there.\nWith another person.\nWe think we've done well enough at admitting these things to ourselves, so there's doubt about that.\nIn actual practice, we usually find that a solitary self-appraisal is insufficient.\nMany of us thought it necessary to go much further.\nWe would be more reconciled in discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so.\nThe best reason first.\nIf we skip this vital step, we may not.\nWe may not overcome drinking.\nYou know, I take these forms now, and they're very, very vital information that we've done here.\nA book says that the solitary self-appraisal is insufficient.\nI did the very best I could do filling out these forms with the limited knowledge that I had and the experience.\nBut I did the best I could do.\nNow I take these to another human being and discuss them from left to right, all the way across.\nSomeone else who's gone on before me who's done the inventory according to the big book.\nAnd now,\nthat person is going to help me to glean more information out of each of these situations that's going to help me.\nI need that information because a solitary self-appraisal is insufficient.\nGive you an example.\nLooking around this room today and this weekend, I've noticed two or three character defects.\nThere's a couple of them sitting right over there.\nOne is sitting right here on the front row, for sure.\nRight there.\nSeveral of them, as a matter of fact.\nIt's real easy for me to look at you and see your defects of character.\nExactly.\nThere's nothing between you and me except air.\nBut it's very, very difficult for me to look at\nme and see the truth and see my defects of character because there's years and a lifetime\nof rationalization and justification for these attitudes.\nAnd I need another human being to be able to look at me objectively and to help me see\nthings that I couldn't see because I'm starting out on a brand new lifetime engagement here.\nAnd I need all the information help that I can get.\nThank you.\nBye bye.\nsuccessful life and I did the very best I could do in the inventory process but\na solitary self-appraisal is insufficient I need God and another\nhuman being to help me see things that I couldn't see now to be sure we have no\ncontradictions here over on page 73 on that first paragraph where it says more\nthan most people just the sentence before that said but they had not\nlearned enough of humility fearlessness and honesty in the sense we find it\nnecessary until they told someone else all their life story now there's the\nstatement that got us confused about step four and we all began to write our\nlife story thinking that would be step forward but as we can see 95% of our\nlife story really doesn't have anything to do with our alcoholism in fact I was\nborn in 1929 that really don't have anything to do with it but I tell you\nwhat I have done\nif I've taken my inventory the way the book says I've shared all my life story\nin those areas that really count resentments didn't come in my head just\ntoday they've been popping in my head as far back as I can remember I've shared\nall my life story resentment wise fears didn't come just today they've been\ncoming in my head as far as I can remember I've shared all my life story\nfears wise the harms I've done to other people I\ndidn't hurt him yes yesterday I've been hurting people as far back as I can\nremember my mother said to me one time she said Charlie you were the meanest\nkid I ever saw she said I had a little problem loving you myself you know when\nmama don't love you you're pretty bad off and as I look at these things today\nmy whole life is centered anyhow around those three things those resentments and\nthose fears and those harms of done to others so I don't have any quarrel with\nthat statement at all anymore I did töAlläx vamos alquwillar\nIf we've done our inventory the way the book says, we've shared our life story.\nNow here's why we really need to share this with another human being.\nMore than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.\nHe's very much the actor.\nTo the outer world, he presents his stage character.\nThis is the one he likes his fellows to see.\nHe wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.\nA practicing alcoholic is trying to live two lives.\nYou know, we've got a conscience.\nWhenever we're sober, we try to live like people are supposed to live.\nBut when we're drinking, since alcohol lowers the inhibitions,\nGod, we do things that we would never think about doing sober.\nWe're living two lifetimes when we're a practicing alcoholic.\nThe inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees.\nComing to his senses, he's revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers.\nThese memories are a nightmare.\nHe trembles to think.\nHe thinks someone might have observed him.\nAs fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself.\nHe hopes they will never see the light of day.\nHe is under constant fear and tension, and that makes for more drinking.\nYou know, let's face it.\nWe alcoholics have become the world's greatest con artists.\nYou have to be.\nYou couldn't live as a practicing alcoholic if you didn't learn how to lie,\ncheat, con, manipulate, steal, whatever is necessary.\nAnd I think the one we have to\ncon the most is ourselves.\nI don't think we could live with ourselves if we had to really see what's going on when we're drinking.\nBut, see, we got a little thing called resentments.\nAnd we use those resentments to transfer blame to others.\nAnd that way we could live with ourselves.\nNow, if you've been doing that for 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 40 years,\nyou come to AA and you take step four.\nYou be just as honest as you can with yourself.\nBut let's face it, we can't be honest with ourselves.\nI now need to take my inventory,\ntake it to another human being,\none who's walked this walk before me,\nwho understands 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 according to the big book,\nand have them help me see those things I can't see about me.\nNow, they're going to change anything in column 1.\nThey're not going to change anything in column 2.\nThey'll probably change some things in column 3.\nYou know, one place I said this was caused by the sex instinct,\nand he said, no, it isn't.\nI said, you're just trying to build your self-esteem.\nThat's all you're trying to do.\nIn the fifth column, one place I said this was caused by fear,\nand he said, this is plain damn dishonesty.\nThat's all this is.\nHe helped me see things I couldn't see.\nWe're getting ready to start a lifetime-changing process.\nWe need to be sure that we're trying to change the right things\nso we can have peace of mind in the future,\nand we just can't see it by ourselves.\nNow, I know confession is good for the soul,\nand I know if you belong to a denomination that requires it,\nyou ought to go do that.\nBut I still think you ought to take your inventory to somebody in IA,\npreferably a good sponsor if you've got one that knows the program.\nThe main thing is, do they really know the program?\nIf they do, they can help us.\nIf they don't, then all we're going to get out of it is confession.\nWe need more than that.\nPage 74 tells people, tell you how to pick somebody.\nToday, that is not valid today like it was in 1939.\nIn 1939, the first person out here in California that got this big book\ndidn't have any other IA members or any sponsor,\nand it was difficult for them to find somebody to do Step 5 with.\nThat's what Page 74 deals with.\nBut today, there's plenty of good people out here in California\nthat understands this program, that have worked this program,\nthat have walked this step before.\nThat's who we need to select.\nThat's who we need to select to take Step 5 with.\nHopefully, it'll be our sponsor.\nPage 75 tells us how to do it.\nWhen we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time.\nThere's that time factor again.\nWe have a written inventory and I'm prepared for a long talk.\nWe explain to our partner what we're about to do and why we have to do it.\nHe should realize that we're engaged upon a life-and-death errand.\nMost people approached in this way will be glad to help.\nThey will be honored by our confidence.\nI'll never forget when I called my sponsor, Franklin,\nand I said, Franklin, can I come?\nCan I come over this weekend and do my inventory, do my fifth step?\nHe said, sure, I'd love to have you come over.\nSo I went over there to East Ollie Branch, Mississippi,\nand I sat down there with Franklin that evening and I said,\nwell, I've got it all prepared here and you've helped me a lot and I appreciate it.\nHe said, yeah, I know you do and I'm ready to get started.\nHe said, but first of all, that's you and I do the third step prayer together.\nThat's the kind of sponsor I had and we'd ask God to be with us during this process.\nAnd we did that and we sat about looking.\nLooking into this inventory process and Franklin helped me see things that I couldn't see.\nI shared these things with him from left to right all the way across\nand he asked me questions and helped me see things that I couldn't see.\nShared with me some of the things that happened with him and how he could see things.\nAnd it helped me a whole lot.\nIt helped me a lot.\nAnd then after that weekend was over, where the book said,\nwe pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character,\nevery dark cranny of the past.\nOnce taken this step with holding nothing, we are delighted.\nNow we see the results.\nSome more promises.\nWe can look the world in the eye.\nWe can be alone in perfect peace and ease.\nOur fears fall from us.\nWe begin to feel the nearness of our creator.\nWe may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.\nWe believed in step two.\nNow we begin to have a spiritual experience.\nThe feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.\nWe feel that we're on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.\nYou know, I remember back when I was drinking,\nhow my,\nmine used to race uncontrollably every night.\nAnd that's the main reason I drank was to stop it.\nAnd after I did this fifth step,\nand I was on my way home that afternoon,\nI was,\nI used to lay awake and I was thinking,\nif I could just get it all even one time,\njust get it back to zero,\nback to even in all those situations,\njust one time I'd be okay.\nAnd by this time I could see that I could do that.\nI was looking forward to the next steps\nbecause I wanted to get things squared away one time.\nAnd I thank God all the way home for this process up to this point.\nNow, if you've done four and five, according to the big book,\nyou've done a lot of work.\nYou're probably tired and need a little rest.\nThe book's going to give us a little rest stop.\nReturning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour.\nHe didn't say 72 days.\nYou see, they mean for us to get on with this thing between three and four at once.\nNow we get an hour's rest here, but that's all.\nWe thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better.\nWe don't know him yet, but we know him better.\nTaking this book down from our shelf,\nwe turn to the page which contained the 12 steps.\nCarefully reading the first five proposals.\nNow, he could have said the first five steps again,\nbut he don't want to do it twice in a row.\nCarefully reading the first five proposals,\nwe ask if we've omitted anything for building an arch\nthrough which we shall walk a free man at last.\nIs our work solid so far?\nAre the stones properly in place?\nHave we skimped on the cement,\nput in the fabric,\nput in the foundation?\nHave we tried to make mortar without sand?\nAnd once again, we're referring\nto the wonderfully effective spiritual structure,\nthe personality change we're building.\nStep one, willingness, was the foundation.\nStep two, believing, was the cornerstone.\nStep three, he told us it's an arch,\nwe'll pass through to freedom.\nAnd three was the keystone.\nNow we've put two more stones in place.\nStep six, we have emphasized willingness\nas we've put two more stones in place.\nStep seven, we've put two more stones in place.\nAre we now ready to let God remove from us\nall the things which we've admitted are objectionable?\nCan he now take them all, every one?\nIf we still cling to something we will not let go,\nwe ask God to help us be willing,\nand that's all of step six.\nAnd if you'll notice,\nhe didn't say a thing about defects of character, did he?\nHe did say those things that we have admitted are objectionable.\nNow surely, surely,\nin step four,\nin step five,\nwhen we looked out into that fifth column,\nand we saw that old selfish, dishonest, self-seeking,\nfrightened, inconsiderate character that we have become,\nwhen we saw that those are what cause us\nto do the things that hurt people,\nthey in turn retaliate,\nwe in turn resent,\nwe're afraid,\nwe're filled with guilt and remorse,\ncauses us to drink,\nthen surely,\nthose things in the fifth column\nhave now become objectionable to us.\nAre we ready to turn to God?\nAre we ready to turn them loose?\nIf we are,\nwe're through with step six.\nThe book recognizes, though,\nthat self cannot always overcome self.\nBecause it says,\nif we're not ready,\nwe ask God to help us be willing\nto turn these things loose.\nNow you would think when we see what they do to us,\nwe'd be more than willing.\nBut sometimes we're not.\nYou know,\nwe human beings are funny people.\nSometimes we would rather sit in today's pain,\nand suffering,\nbecause we've kind of learned\nhow to take care of that.\nSometimes we would rather sit in today's pain and suffering\nthan take a chance on changing in the future,\nbecause we don't know what change will bring.\nYou see,\nif I have to get rid of my selfishness\nand become unselfish,\nthen how am I going to get what I want in the future?\nIf I'm going to have to get rid of my dishonesty\nand start operating honestly,\nhow in the hell am I going to make a living?\nI don't know nothing about honesty when I get here.\nIf I'm going to have to start getting rid of myself,\nseeking fright and character,\nand start operating on courage,\nthat scares the hell out of me.\nI don't know nothing about that.\nIf I'm going to have to start considering other people\nand their needs and their wants,\nthen who's going to take care of me?\nSometimes we would rather sit in today's pain\nthan take a chance on changing in the future.\nAnd the book recognized that and said,\nif you're not willing,\nyou ask God,\nto help you be willing.\nAnd with God's help,\nwe become willing.\nWe're three with six.\nWhen ready,\nwe say something like this,\nmy Creator,\nI'm now willing you should have all of me,\ngood and bad.\nI pray that you now remove from me\nevery single defect of character.\nWhoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.\nWe're in step seven now.\nAnd it said shortcomings,\nbut here He calls.\nSee what He's done to us?\nHe confused the hell out of us, didn't He?\nYou betcha.\nI pray you now remove from me\nevery single defect of character\nwhich stands in the way,\nin the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.\nGrant me strength as I go out from here\nto do your bidding. Amen.\nWe then completed step seven.\nAre you ready to have God remove them?\nIf you are, you're three with six.\nHave you humbly asked Him to take them away?\nIf you have, you've done step seven.\nBut I hope you don't make the mistake I did.\nI assume that now that I'm ready,\nand God being all-powerful,\nall I've got to do is turn to God and say,\nokay, God, here I am,\nwarts and all,\nzap me and give me the $29.95 special,\nand I'll never have to worry about this stuff again.\nI found out it won't work that way.\nGod will do for me what I can't do for myself.\nI simply do not have the power\nto remove a character defect.\nOnly God has that power.\nGod will not do for me\nwhat I can do for myself.\nAnd what I can do for myself\nis find out the opposite\nof that character defect.\nAnd then with God's help\nand all the willpower I can muster,\nin every situation that comes up,\ntry to practice the opposite.\nBecause you see,\nGod can't take away my selfishness\nand leave another hole in my head.\nIt's going to have to be replaced\nwith the opposite,\nwhich is unselfishness.\nAnd when I first got here,\nmy mind was a set of mental habits\ningrained in 38, 39, 40 years of living.\nThe habitual thing for me\nwas to react selfishly.\nAnd the only way you break a habit\nis to work against yourself.\nAnd if I ask God to take away selfishness\nand I start trying to practice unselfishness,\nslowly the old habit dies\nand a new habit takes its place.\nAnd over a period of years,\nI have become an unselfish human being.\nI am not what I was when I first got here.\nIf I want God to take away dishonesty,\nthen I must do my part,\nwhich is to practice honesty\nin every situation that comes up.\nAnd God, that's hard for me to do.\nThat is so alien to my nature.\nAnd I can't practice honesty without God's help.\nBut with God's power,\nall the willpower,\nI can muster,\nI can force myself to be honest.\nAnd slowly,\nthe old idea dies\nand a new one takes its place.\nThe habitual thing for me today\nis to react to any situation with honesty.\nIf I want God to take away fear,\nthen I've got to kick myself in the butt\nand practice courage.\nIf I want Him to take away inconsideration,\nthen I must start considering other people\nand their needs and their wants.\nAnd slowly,\nthe old idea dies,\nand a new idea takes its place.\nThe book says,\nwe were reborn.\nI am not what I used to be.\nNow, I'm not completely unselfish.\nNever will be.\nI'm not always completely honest.\nSometimes I'm afraid,\nand at other times I'm inconsiderate,\nbut the majority of the time,\nI'm an unselfish,\nhonest,\nhuman being with courage,\nconsidering other people first.\nYou know, I think you and I\nare the luckiest people in the world.\nWe have the opportunity\nthrough these two little steps right here\nto live two lifetimes\nin one lifetime.\nMost people out there are sick.\nMost of them are going to the grave sick,\nnot even knowing they're sick.\nWe not only know we're sick,\nwe know what's wrong with us.\nWe found it in steps four and five,\nand in six and seven,\nwe can do something about it,\nand we can change it,\nand we become entirely different human beings.\nMost people don't get that opportunity.\nNow, be careful.\nFor God's sake, be careful.\nBecause if you really accept this\nas the correct thing,\nthe right thing,\nthen that means from this day on,\nyou are responsible for what you are.\nI can't blame it on Barbara any longer.\nCan't blame it on mother and dad.\nI can't blame it on God.\nAnd I can't blame it on society.\nIf I stay selfish, dishonest, self-seeking,\nfrightened, and inconsiderate,\nit's got to be because that's the way I want to be.\nI no longer have the luxury of blaming it on others\nbecause I don't have to be that way.\nAnd you know what I found out?\nI found out that when you become unselfish,\npeople start kind of liking you\na little better than they did before.\nI found out when you start becoming honest,\nwell, hell, you feel better about yourself.\nThat's the way you build self-esteem\nis to do the right thing for a change.\nI found out when I practice with courage\nand operate on courage instead of fear,\nI do things that makes me feel better.\nAnd I quit doing things that used to make me feel so bad.\nI found out that there's real pleasure\nin considering other people first\nand giving to others before you take for yourself.\nI didn't know that.\nHow in the hell could I know?\nThat I'd never been that way before.\nThis thing absolutely amazes me\nin what happens to us\nand the simplicity of this thing\nif we'll just do what the book says, Joe.\nYou know, there's always a paradox in AA.\nTo give you an idea of what a paradox is,\nhow many of you have ever called your sponsor\nso you could listen?\nWe always call them so we can talk, right?\nThat's the paradox.\nAnd the paradox here in these two things\nis that they use the doctor's opinion\nin the first four chapters to do step one and two,\nthree and a half pages for step three,\neight pages for step four,\nfour pages for step five,\nand a whole chapter devoted to working with others.\nThe paradox is that two of the biggest steps\nin all of Alcoholics Anonymous\nis on two little paragraphs,\nsix and seven.\nAnd these are the tools of change.\nThese are the tools of acceptance.\nA lot of people talk about\njust running around accepting things.\nI accept this, I accept that.\nWell,\nI can't do that.\nAcceptance comes after some actions.\nSix and seven.\nThe acceptance comes after\nthe actions of six and seven.\nYou know, there's a story in another book\nabout this guy named Judas.\nJudas could not accept what he had done.\nAnd what did he do?\nGuilt himself.\nThat's the importance of acceptance.\nAnd you can't accept anything\nunless you take some actions.\nAnd he didn't do steps.\nSix and seven didn't have them.\nAnd the other story is\nthat there's a story in this other book\nabout this guy.\nHis name was Saul.\nSaul was on riding his ass\non the way to Damascus.\nBig bolt of lightning come down\nand knocked him off his ass on his ass.\nThat's the way I read it.\nHe gets up and he dusts himself off\nand this big voice come out of the sky\nand said, Saul, can we talk?\nYeah, yeah, we can talk.\nWhat do you want to talk about?\nHad to get his attention, didn't he?\nMaybe alcoholism.\nHad to get our attention.\nAnd he said, yeah, Saul,\nyou've been a very selfish individual\nand you've harmed a lot of people\nand you're very resentful and angry\nand you've harmed a lot of people\nby those attitudes.\nAnd he said, I want you to quit doing that.\nAnd he said, well, how do you quit doing that?\nHe said, well, do these things.\nAnd if you'll do that,\nthen you'll make a change.\nAnd when you change,\nthen we'll call you Paul.\nWell, he did those things and became Paul.\nNow we know that Paul was one of the greatest writers\nthe world's ever known.\nAnd in the Corinthians,\nthe town of Corinthians,\nthey asked Paul one day,\nthey said, Paul,\nthey said, what is the secret to living?\nAnd he said, the secret to living is daily dying.\nThe old Saul had to die\nso the new Paul came alive.\nYou see, six and seven.\nAnd by the time I got to six and seven,\nI could see what I had become\nas a result of the previous steps.\nAnd I didn't like what I had become.\nAnd a little doubt creeped in my mind.\nCan God really change me\nfrom what I have become\nto what I am?\nWhat he intends for me to be?\nAnd then I had to reaffirm\nand rethink about this idea.\nOn page 53, it said,\nGod either is or he isn't.\nHe either can or he can't.\nAnd what was my choice going to be?\nAnd I chose to believe that he could.\nThe tools of change\nto change from what I had become\nto that which God intended for me,\nsix and seven.\nTwo of the biggest steps\nin all of our college synonymous.\nNow, just before the break,\nI want Joe to tell you one little story\nabout buying some salad\nto show you practicing this.\nI was hoping he wouldn't do that\nto me this morning.\nA few years ago,\nI went into the grocery store\nto buy some salad and some stuff\nto fix for a salad.\nThat night was having steak\nand I went in there\nand bought this stuff\nand came back up to the registry\nand I was going to pay up.\nI gave this lady $10\nand she took the $10\nand stood right there\nand counted me out,\nchanged for a 20.\nAnd I watched her do it.\nAnd I picked up that money\nand I put it in my pocket\nand I got out\nand I got in my car\nand I sat there\nand I said,\nwell, you big dummy.\nYou sold out for $10.\nI thought it was worth more than that.\nYou know.\nI'm glad it wasn't less than that.\nAnd so I took the money back in there\nand I told the lady,\nI said, you know,\nI'm a member of a fellowship\nthat requires me to be honest\nand you gave me too much money\nand I want to give you this $10 back.\nAnd she said, you know,\nI never heard of a fellowship like that.\nI said, well, I hadn't either\nuntil a few years ago.\nSo here's your $10 back.\nWell,\nthe whole point of this story,\nwhen I walked out of that $10,\nnow believe me,\nI don't need $10.\nI mean, I do not need $10.\nAnd I walk out of that store\nand I felt about that big\nsneaking out the door.\nYou see,\nthen I went back in there\nand gave her that $10 back\nand I walked out\nand I'm feeling good again.\nI did the right thing.\nAnd if you practice that enough times,\nthe next time she gives change for a 20,\nyou do it right there.\nYou don't even go out the door with it.\nThat's what we're talking about\nwhen we change.\nAnd only we can do it.\nOnly we can slay ourselves\nwith God's help\nand become different human beings.\nSo if you stay,\ndishonest, self-seeking,\nfrightening, inconsideration\nmust be because you want to.\nWe've completed our first seven steps\nknowing full well\nwe're going to be working on\nsix and seven\nfor the rest of our lives, really.\nTrying to change\nas the opportunity comes up.\nNow, we've read in the book\nwhere we are spiritually sick,\nmentally sick,\nand physically sick.\nAnd it says\nwhen the spiritual maladies overcome,\nwe straighten out mentally and physically.\nAnd we begin to look at those things\nand begin to realize\nthat all human beings\nreally are born to live\nin three dimensions of life.\nYou know, if God dwells\nin each of us,\nwe're going to have to live with God\nwhether we like it or not\nis beside the point.\nThe only question is\ndo we live with Him\nin harmony or disharmony?\nI don't know of anybody\nthat ever got in more disharmony\nwith God than we alcoholics have.\nWe also have what we call\nthe mental dimension.\nWe've all got a mind.\nSometimes we act like we don't,\nbut we do.\nAnd we have to live with our mind\nwhether we like it or not\nis beside the point.\nWe don't have any choice.\nAnd again, do we live there\nin harmony or disharmony?\nI don't know of any group of people\nthat ever got more fouled up\nin their heads\nthan we alcoholics have.\nFor years, I thought\nthe physical dimension\nwas my body only.\nToday, I realize\nthe physical dimension\nis the world\nand everything in it, period.\nNow, we alcoholics\ndon't have any place else to live\nexcept here on earth.\nWe don't have any choice\nin the matter\nwhether we like it or not\nis beside the point.\nNow, on the contrary,\nthe question is\ndo we live on earth\nwith our fellow man\nin harmony or disharmony?\nAnd I don't know of any group of people\nthat ever got more fouled up\nin our relationship\nwith the world and everybody in it\nthan we alcoholics have.\nSo we were sick spiritually,\nmentally, and physically.\nThe book talks about\na design for living.\nAnd it looks to us\nlike these steps are designed\nin such a manner\nto put us back together\nand make us well\nin all three dimensions of life\nas God intended for us\nto be in the first place.\nStep one, two, and three,\nwe got right with the Spirit.\nBecause we were powerless,\nwe saw the need for the power.\nStep three, we decided\nto go after that power.\nAnd we made a decision\nthat God was going to be the director.\nThat He's the Father,\nwe're the children,\nHe's the employer,\nwe're the employee.\nAnd we're going to be the director.\nFor most of us,\nthat's the first time\nwe've had that relationship with God\nfor a long, long, long time.\nWe got the right relationship\nin one, two, and three.\nThat removed just enough self-will\nto let us begin to look\ninto our own minds.\nAnd in step four and five,\nwe found out those things\nthat block us off from God,\nthat block us off from our fellow man,\nthat creates the resentments\nand the fears and the guilts and etc.\nAnd we began to work on those\nin step six and seven.\nWe began to get right in our minds\nthrough four, five, six, and seven.\nNow that removes just enough self-will\nto begin to look at our relationship\nwith the world and everybody in it.\nNow through four, five, six, and seven,\nwe got rid of these resentments up here.\nWe got rid of these fears up here,\nto the level God intended for them to be.\nBut we really haven't done anything\nabout the storeroom back here\nthat's filled with guilt and remorse\nassociated with the harms\nwe've done in the past.\nAnd if we want to get right\nin the physical dimension,\nour relationship with the world\nand everybody in it,\nit's long been known\nthat the way you do that\nis to make restitution\nfor the things done in the past.\nThen the guilt and the remorse\nbegins to disappear.\nNow, I've never yet seen a newcomer\ncome into a meeting\nand read the steps off the wall\nand say that I can hardly wait\nuntil we get to steps eight and nine.\nThat looks like a lot of fun.\nNobody likes to do steps eight and nine.\nNobody that I've ever met.\nSome people might, but not that I know.\nThe only question is,\ncan we afford not to do that?\nIt looks like if we don't do that,\nthat guilt and remorse in here\njust kind of keeps chewing at us.\nAnd after a while,\nit begins to bother our relationship\nwith the world and everybody in it.\nWe start getting sick in our head.\nAnd after a while, that backs up\nand blocks us off from God\nand we end up drunk again.\nYou know, when we read the foreword\nto the second edition,\nit sounded as though Dr. Bob\nnever took another drink\nafter Bill Visner,\nwho visited with him the first time.\nThat isn't true.\nDr. Bob had one more drunk left in him.\nNot too long after Bill called on him\nand they began to try to work with people,\nBob found it necessary\nto go to a medical convention.\nAnd his wife Ann begged Bill\nnot to let him go.\nSaid, Bill, if he goes over there,\nhe'll get drunk.\nHe does it every year.\nAnd Bill said, let him go.\nHe's got to learn to live in society\nwhere there's always going to be\nplenty of alcohol.\nBob went to the medical convention,\ngot drunk, came back to Akron,\nshowed up at his nurse's home.\nShe called Ann, said, come and get him.\nHe's drunk.\nAnd said, get him sobered up.\nHe's got surgery in the morning.\nHe's the only doctor on staff right now\nthat can do this particular surgery.\nDr. Bob was a proctologist.\nWhatever your procto is,\nI'm glad he wasn't working on mine\nthe next morning. I don't know.\nI'm glad he wasn't working on mine the next morning. I don't know.\nI'm glad he wasn't working on mine the next morning. I don't know.\nI'm glad he wasn't working on mine the next morning. I don't know.\nI'm glad he wasn't working on mine the next morning. I know that.\nThey went over and got him\nand brought him back to Dr. Bob's house\nand they coffeed him and they walked him\nand they sobered him to the best of their ability.\nThe next morning, Bill took him\nto the hospital to do the surgery.\nIn the parking lot at the hospital,\nDr. Bob said, Bill, I can't do this surgery.\nHe said, I'm sick and I'm shaking\nand I'm trembling and I'm going to hurt somebody bad.\nBill reached in the back seat of the car,\ngot out a bottle of beer,\npopped the top on it, said,\ndrink this and you'll be okay.\nDr. Bob drank the beer, went upstairs,\ndid the surgery and sure enough, it came out okay.\nNow, the only problem is he disappears.\nBill's waiting on him down in the parking lot.\nHe waits two, three, four hours.\nHe assumes that the beer's triggered the allergy\nand Bob's off and running.\nHe goes back to Dr. Bob's house.\nBill and Ann wait all afternoon, late,\nlate, late evening, Dr. Bob shows up and he's sober.\nBill said, where in the hell have you been?\nHe said, I've been going up and down both sides of the street\nmaking my amends to those I've harmed in the past.\nThat bottle of beer was the last drink Dr. Bob took\nJanuary the 10th, 1935, which is AA's birthday.\nHe never would make amends before\nbecause he was afraid people would find out he was alcoholic,\nand he would lose what little practice he had left.\nHe didn't know that everybody already knew he was alcoholic.\nThe day he screwed up the courage,\nmustered up enough courage to make his amends,\nwas the day he took his last drink.\nNow, I would assume if it's good enough for Bob,\nit's probably good enough for me, too.\nLet's look at eight and nine for just a few minutes.\nWe're not going to go through them in great detail,\njust a few minutes.\nDr. He said,\nnow we need more action without which we find that faith without works is dead.\nLet's look at steps eight and nine.\nYou know, generally, if you go to a step study meeting\nand they begin to talk about step eight,\ngenerally the conversation will get over to how they made amends in step nine.\nBut step eight is a definite step, and it's a step that needs to be done.\nHe said, we have a list of all persons we had harmed\nand to whom we're willing to make amends.\nHe said, we made it when we took inventory.\nWe would simply take all those names,\ntake off a column one off of those four sheets,\nthe many ones that we've harmed,\nand we put them on one long sheet.\nHaven't made any amends yet.\nWe just made the list.\nAnd then the book says,\nwe subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal.\nWell, we did that in steps four and five,\na drastic self-appraisal.\nHe said, now we're about to go out to these fellows\nand repair the damage done in the past.\nWe attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort\nto live on self-will and run the show ourselves.\nIf we haven't the will to do this,\nwe ask until it comes.\nMore prayer in step eight.\nAnd again, it's real simple.\nWe make the list.\nThen we become willing to the list.\nAnd if we're not willing, we ask God to help us to become willing.\nWe haven't made any amends yet.\nThat's step eight.\nAnd when we do that, then we've completed step eight.\nNearly every one of these action steps recognizes itself can overcome self.\nAnd we have prayer in most of them.\nAnd here we got it again in step eight, that if we're not willing,\nwe ask God to help us be willing.\nAnd I had a lot of difficulty in step eight and step nine\nbecause there's some people that had harmed me just as bad as I'd ever harmed them.\nAnd I didn't feel it was going to be necessary for me to make any amends to them.\nAnd I didn't feel like I could and I didn't want to.\nAnd I told my sponsor about this.\nHe said, okay, he said, what I'd like to see you do is take that list that you have\nand divide it into four lists.\nAnd he said, I'd like to see you put on one list right now.\nI'd like to see you put on another list later.\nI'd like to see you put on another list maybe.\nAnd I'd like to see you put on another list never.\nNow he said, those that you love and you want to make amends to them right now, put them on that list.\nThose that you know you're going to do it sooner or later but you're not too keen about it,\nput them on the later list.\nHe said, those that you aren't sure about, you may or may not, put them on the maybe list.\nAnd he said, put the second ones on the later and then put the third ones on the maybe list.\nAnd he said, then those you're never going to make amends to, put them on the nevers list.\nAnd then he said, I want you to start making your amends to the right nows.\nAnd he said, by the time you're through with that, you'll probably be ready to do some laters.\nAnd by the time you're through with the laters list, you're probably going to be ready to do some things later.\nlist, you'll probably be ready to do some maybes. And he reached in his billfold and\ngot out a $20 bill and he said, I'm going to bet you $20. By the time you're through\nwith the maybes, you'll be ready to start on the nevers. And the old fool was exactly\nright. You know, I was trying to block myself off entirely from step 8 and 9 by using three\nor four names and he didn't let me do that. He gave me a process by which I could become\nwilling to make amends to them all eventually. And it really did work for me. So if you got\nthat problem or you're working with somebody that's got that problem, try the four list.\nRight now, later, maybe, and never. And it really works. Okay, after we've got the list,\nwe're willing, over on page 77, we begin to look at step 9. Now step 9 is a definite\nthree-part list.\nStep 9. The first part tells us the kind of amends to make. We made direct amends\nwherever possible. Direct amends is probably eyeball to eyeball, face to face, one-on-one.\nSo he tells us the kind of amends to make, direct amends. Then he tells us when to make\nthem, wherever possible. Then he tells us when not to make them.\nExcept when to do so would injure them or others. Now for the next three or four pages,\nhe handles each one of these things paragraph by paragraph. Page 77, that paragraph down\nin the middle of the page, it says, we don't use this as an excuse for shying away from\nthe subject of God when it would serve any good purpose. We're willing to announce our\nconvictions with tact and common sense. Now the direct amends starts right here with the\nwords, the question of God. The question of God. The question of God. The question of\nhow to approach the man we hated will arise. Let's look at this one.\nI think in the area of the ninth step, especially since we're going to go out and make amends\nfor the harm done, I think especially we need to talk to our sponsors and listen to our\nsponsors in this area to get some information about how we're going to go about making these\namends. Because we can go out in our zeal to make amends and cause a whole lot more\nharm than we ever intended or had ever done prior to that, just trying to make amends.\nSo check with your sponsor in this area. Lay out how you're going to do it and what you've\nproposed.\nAnd see what he says. Very, very important. See, the question of how to approach the man\nwe hated will arise. It may be he's done us more harm than we've done him. And though\nwe may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we're still not too keen about admitting\nour faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It's\nharder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us.\nWe go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feelings and expressing\nour regrets.\nNow, under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply, we tell him that\nwe will never get over drinking until we've done our utmost to straighten out the past.\nWe're there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing nothing worthwhile can be accomplished\nuntil we do so. Never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed.\nAnd we stick to our own. Now, if our manner is calm, frank, and open, we would be gratified\nwith the result. In nine cases out of ten, the unexpected happens.\nSometimes, the man we are calling upon admits his own fault. So, feuds of years standing\nmelt away in an hour.\nRarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we're\ndoing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will offer assistance. It should not matter,\nhowever, if someone does throw us out of his office. We've made our demonstration, done\nour part. It's water over the dam.\nEvery time I read that, I think about my cousin Gary, and I was in the area making amends\nat this time.\nAnd I was in this restaurant one day, and I've never been in that restaurant before or since.\nAnd I looked up, and Gary was at the door waiting to be seated.\nAnd I motioned him over.\nNow, he came over very reluctantly because Gary and I have been fighting and fussing\nand physically and verbally abusing each other all our life.\nSo he came over very reluctantly.\nHe wasn't quite sure what I might do.\nAnd I asked him to sit down, and he did reluctantly.\nAnd I looked at him, and I said, Gary, I found out I'm an alcoholic,\nand I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm trying to straighten out my life\nand trying to make amends for the harms that I've done people.\nAnd I've harmed you a whole lot over these years,\nand I want to ask you if you'll forgive me for that.\nWell, he kind of relaxed like that, and he said, you know, Joe,\nI want to ask you if you'll forgive me the things I've done to you.\nThat whole deal went away just like that.\nAnd that's a wonderful thing.\nBut the best part about it is that Gary comes to Alcoholics Anonymous from time to time, even now.\nWell, he's making progress.\nHe used to be a daily drinker, and now he's a.\nWhat do you call it?\nPeriodic.\nPeriodic drinker, yeah.\nSo he's making progress.\nBut he comes to the group that I attend, and we sit down,\nand we'll visit back and forth a little bit as much as he will allow me to.\nBut had that not happened that many years ago, Gary would never have come to Alcoholics Anonymous.\nMaybe someday he'll get sober.\nI hope so.\nEyeball to eyeball, face to face, one-on-one.\nI think we've got to remember now the purpose of making the amends is not to get you to like me.\nI hope you will when I'm through.\nBut the purpose is to get rid of my fear, my guilt, and my remorse.\nIf I write you a letter, I'm not quite sure how you accepted it.\nI'm still a little concerned about what you're going to say and do the next time I run into you.\nI'm not sure I've done my utmost.\nIf I call you on the telephone, I've got the same situation.\nBut if I go to you wherever you are, your office, your home, or wherever it might be, and we sit down,\neyeball to eyeball, face to face, one-on-one, when I've made my amends, I'm through with it.\nI'll never have to worry about it again.\nYou've done the worst you're going to do to me right there.\nAnd I, in turn, have done my utmost.\nNo doubt that's the best way to do it.\nAnother kind of amend is an equal restitution or equal amounts.\nYou know, we tended to hurt a lot of people in the material area also.\nSome of them we stole from them and never did give them their money back.\nSome of them we ran up bills that we never did pay.\nWe wrote hot checks that we never did pick up.\nWe tore up automobiles we never did fix.\nWe've hurt a lot of people in a lot of ways in the material world.\nWhat are we going to do about that?\nIt really wouldn't do much good for me to come to you and say,\nLook, you and I both know I stole $1,200 from you when I was drinking,\nand I'm sorry about it.\nWould you forgive me?\nYou're probably going to say, I'm sorry about it, too.\nWhere's my $1,200?\nEqual restitution.\nBill handles that in the next paragraph.\nMost alcoholics owe money.\nNow, that's probably the understatement of the year right there.\nWe do not dodge our creditors telling them what we're trying to do.\nWe make no bones about our drinking.\nThey usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not.\nNor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on a theory it may cause financial harm.\nApproached in this way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us.\nArranging the best deal we can, we let these people know we are sorry.\nOur drinking has made us slow to pay.\nWe must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go,\nfor we're liable to drink if we're afraid to face them.\nNow, think what he's saying to me is this,\nthat if I owe you money for any reason,\nI need to come to you and say,\nlook, I know I owe you the $1,200 and you know it too.\nAnd I'm trying to get my life straightened out.\nI'm sorry I can't pay you that amount of money today.\nBut what I'd like to do is start paying you $5 a week,\n$10 a week, whatever I can live with.\nAnd I start paying you that $5 or $10 a week or $20 or whatever we've decided on.\nAnd as the weeks go by, some morning I wake up and I say,\nhey, that sucker's paid off.\nI don't have to worry about that one anymore.\nThe fear and the guilt and remorse is gone.\nI go to the next one.\nAnd I say, now, you and I both know I owe you a couple thousand dollars.\nI can't pay you today, but I'd like to start paying you about $20 a week.\nAnd I start paying you $20 a week.\nAnd some morning I wake up and I say, by golly, that sucker's paid off too.\nAnd then I go to the next one.\nAnd then the next one.\nAnd then the next one.\nAnd someday I wake up.\nAnd by golly, they're all paid off.\nAnd the fear and the guilt and remorse is gone.\nI feel good back here in the back of my head now\nafter that guilt and remorse and fear is gone.\nNow, a guy came to me one time and we were discussing this.\nAnd he said, Charlie, if I tried to pay them so much a week,\ndo you know how old I'd be before I got them paid off?\nI said, you'll be the same age as you would be if you didn't pay them off.\nIt won't make any difference.\nYou know, I've lived long enough to know that time is going to pass.\nI wish I could stop it, but I can't.\nAnd as time passes, I can use it for a worthwhile purpose,\ndo something about these things,\nor I can keep putting it off and putting it off and putting it off\nfor five years or ten years.\nOr 15 years from now, I'll still be in the same situation\nand maybe drunk in the meantime.\nWe have a good friend who used to live in Tulsa,\nmoved out here to California.\nHe's gone now. He's dead.\nHis name was Dan.\nWhen Dan was 29 years sober, he said,\nCharlie, I paid the last one of them last week.\nI said, Dan, how do you feel?\nHe said, I feel about eight foot tall.\nNow, Dan was a little bitty fellow, about five foot one.\nHe said, this is a little bit of a deal.\nHe said, this is a little bit of a deal.\nHe said, this is the first time in my life\nthat I can ever remember\nthat I don't owe somebody something\nfor what I've stolen in the past.\nHe said, I feel pretty good about old Dan.\nDan owed a lot of money.\nWhen he was drinking, he was in the oil business down in Texas.\nAnd he hooked them and he hooked them big.\nTook him 29 years to pay them.\nBut by golly, he got it done.\nI'll tell you how good a con artist Dan was.\nWhen he was still drinking in Texas, his wife Sarah\nwho later became a beautiful member of Al-Anon,\nshe took him to the state insane asylum\nin Big Spring, Texas\nto have him committed for alcoholic insanity.\nThe head psychiatrist interviewed Sarah.\nThen he interviewed Dan.\nAnd after a while, Dan left and Sarah was locked up.\nShe stayed there for a year.\nShe learned how to live better electrically\nand all that goody-goody stuff in there.\nDan was a real con artist, Joe.\nYou know, Dan did, he paid back a lot of money.\nIt's not a lot of money out here in California,\nbut in Oklahoma, it's a lot of money.\nA hell of a lot of money.\nYeah.\nYou guys got plenty of money out here.\nWe all know that.\nBut Dan paid them all back.\nAnd I spent many, many days\nplaying bridge with Dan and Sarah and he and my wife.\nAnd they were teaching us the program a lot,\nsharing with us.\nAnd they paid a lot of money back.\nNow, you'd have thought the kind of money he paid back,\nwould have kept him broke, but he didn't.\nHe prospered in other ways.\nHe wasn't rich when he died,\nbut he had a very comfortable living\nthroughout all those years.\nAnd he prospered as a result of doing the right things\nwith his debts.\nAnd again, I hear some of you saying,\nI can hear awful good.\nHere's good.\nI hear some of you saying,\nwell, Charlie, that stuff's probably all right\nfor $1,200 or $2,000 or maybe $10,000.\nBut what if it's a half a million?\nWhat if it's a million?\nWhat if it's $2 million?\nCould we pay that back?\nI don't know why not.\nIf we're smart enough to steal it,\nwe're probably smart enough to pay it back\nif we're willing to do so.\nYou know, I think we forget from step three on,\nGod's with us.\nAnd if we're willing to do these things,\nGod's going to make it possible to do so,\njust like He did for Dan.\nDan didn't die a rich man,\nbut Dan died a very comfortable man.\nGod saw that Dan had the means\nto be able to pay these people back.\nThe willingness is what it takes to do this.\nAnd it really works for people like us.\nOn page 79, about the middle of the page,\nit talks about where other people are involved.\nAnd we need to really, really consider this now.\nSometimes in our zeal\nto be forgiven for the things we've done in the past,\nwe make amends where we end up hurting\nthe one we owe amends to even more\nor possibly hurt somebody else.\nAnd if we do that, then sooner or later,\nwe're going to have to go back\nand make amends for the things we've done in the past.\nAnd we're going to have to make amends for that too.\nSo we have to be very, very careful\nwhether other people are involved\nover on page 80.\nThere he had an example on page 80\nwhere he went to the people involved\nand got their permission to make the amend\nbefore he made it\nin order to be sure everything was going to be okay.\nBottom of page 80,\nhe starts talking about domestic troubles.\nPage 81, he talks about sex outside of marriage.\nWhat are we going to do?\nWhat are we going to do about those kind of things?\nVery carefully, he handles\njust about every conceivable situation\nthat could come up.\nYou know, people I work with,\nusually we can find the answer\nto their amends as to whether\nthey should make it or shouldn't\nand how to make it here in the big book.\nCovers just about all situations.\nThe key thing, I think,\nand Joe said it a while ago,\nis get somebody else's advice.\nYou know, I've seen too many people\njump into these amends too fast\nand not only hurt other people\nbut end up destroying a family,\ndestroying a relationship\nwith another human being completely.\nYou know, I think that we should go to our sponsors,\nget their help, get their advice\nbefore we even start making these amends,\nespecially where it involves\nmaybe hurting other people.\nPage 83, third paragraph.\nThere may be some wrongs\nwe could never fully right.\nYou know, some of these people\nare already dead and buried.\nSome of them, to make the amends,\nwould hurt them or others\nand we can't do that.\nWe don't worry about them\nand we can honestly say to ourselves\nthat we would right them if we could.\nSome people cannot be seen.\nWe send them an honest letter.\nThere may be a valid reason\nfor postponement in some cases,\nbut we don't delay if it can be avoided.\nWe should be sensible, tactful,\nconsiderate, and humble\nwithout being servile or scraping.\nAs God's people, we stand on our feet.\nWe don't crawl before anyone.\nYou know, one mistake I see us making\nis we go to somebody\nand try to make our amends\nand they don't accept it.\nThey didn't all accept mine.\nSome of them said,\nCharlie, we didn't like you\nwhen you were drinking.\nNot too damn crazy about you now.\nWe'd assume you'd get out of here\nand leave us alone.\nAnd when that happens to us,\nit just crumbles.\nIt just crushes us.\nAnd we tend to want to go back\nand go back and go back\nand literally beg those people\nto forgive us.\nWe don't need to do that.\nIf they don't accept it,\nthere's nothing we can do about that.\nAbout all we can do\nis stand in readiness\nto make it at a later date\nif the opportunity comes up.\nBut we certainly do not have to crawl\nbefore anyone.\nWe are God's people too.\nYou know, as I said here this morning\nand I came painfully aware,\nwell, joyfully aware to me this year,\nall the people that I know\nand all those situations\nthat I used to have\nthat I thought needed to make amends\nare all taken care of.\nI mean, every one of them.\nAnd I'll tell you about two\nhere this morning, if you will.\nWhen I was drinking,\nI had a mobile home\nup north and west of Tulsa\ncalled Lake Keystone.\nDidn't think my wife knew anything about it.\nNice place.\nAnd one morning in the middle of the night\nthere was a knock on the door\nand I finally come to the door\nand I opened it up\nand what she did,\nshe just broke in.\nPhyllis did.\nI really wasn't having a good time.\nEmbarrassed me in front of my girlfriend.\nYeah.\nAnd our daughter.\nShe brought the daughter with her.\nI was not having a good time.\nAnd now Gail,\nshe was affected by my drinking, of course.\nAnd when she was 17 years old,\njust a few days after she was 17,\nshe got married to get away from Phyllis and I\nbecause Phyllis is in the program\nof Alcoholics Anonymous now some 23 years.\nShe's been sober, thank God.\nBut Gail was affected by this.\nAnd the book says\na remorseful mumbling won't fill the bill at all.\nOf course, I tried to make a few amends verbally to Gail\nand, you know, that didn't...\nShe said, it's okay.\nBut it wasn't until six years ago.\nI was sober 19 years\nand talking to Gail on the phone.\nShe was living up in Columbus, Ohio.\nAnd she said,\nDaddy, a thing happened here recently.\nShe said her sister-in-law had died\nand her husband had died unexpectedly\nand left two kids for someone else to raise.\nAnd she said,\nif something should have happened like that to Jim\nand I, I said,\nwould you and Mom take the kids?\nYou know, that's when I knew\nthat she really had forgiven me.\nIt took 19 years.\nA remorseful mumbling won't fill the bill at all.\nNow, I'm sober and Alcoholics Anonymous\nfor two and a half years\nand Phyllis and I get back together.\nNine years later,\nI'm standing in the back of the room\nand greeting people\nas they come in to the meeting place that night.\nAnd I looked around\nand here's the lady of the mobile home incident.\nPhyllis, who's at the coffee?\nAnd Phyllis at the coffee pot getting coffee\nand she looked over their shoulder.\nYou know, it all happened just about that quick.\nI believe you'll get an opportunity\nto handle all these situations.\nGod makes it wherever possible.\nAnd some of the guys was aware of this situation.\nThey said, what did she say?\nI said, she didn't say anything for about a week.\nAnd we were at another meeting\nand here's this lady\nand she was trying to get sober\nand coming to AA\nand again at another meeting\nand here's this lady.\nAnd Phyllis began to talk ugly to me.\nThey'll do that, you know.\nAnd I began to pay the price again.\nBegan to feel bad about it again.\nWell, after about two or three weeks of this\nand one night she was settled down,\nshe'd come back down through the ceiling\nand we were able to talk about this.\nAnd I said, Phyllis, you know,\nI've already paid one hell of a price for this.\nI mean, I have already paid one hell of a price\nphysically, morally, spiritually, financially\nin every way you can pay.\nAnd what I'm trying to tell you is\nI'm not paying anymore.\nI said, it's just like last month's gas bill.\nI paid that one\nand I'm not paying that one no more.\nThey'll let you pay forever if you'll pay.\nThere comes a time when you quit paying.\nWe don't have to crawl before anyone.\nWe make our amends to the best of our ability\nand go on about our business.\nOkay, if you write with God in 1, 2, and 3,\nyou write with yourself in 4, 5, 6, and 7.\nYou write with your fellow man in 8 and 9.\nFor the first time, as far back as we can remember,\nwe're well in all three dimensions of life.\nWe've been put back together\nas God intended for us to be in the first place.\nNow, if you're well in all three dimensions of life,\nyou're going to feel pretty good.\nI don't think it's by accident.\nThe very next thing,\nare the promises.\nThey come immediately after this program of action.\nSo if we're painstaking about this phase of our development,\nwe'll be amazed before we're halfway through.\nWhich phase of our development?\nWell, the 8 and 9 phase.\nYeah, we're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.\nWe will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.\nWe will comprehend the word serenity\nand we will know peace.\nNo matter how far down the scale we've gone,\nwe'll see how our experience can benefit others.\nThat's it.\nThat feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.\nWe will lose interest in selfish things\nand gain interest in our fellows.\nSelf-seeking will slip away.\nOur whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.\nFear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.\nWe will intuitively know how to handle situations\nwhich used to baffle us.\nWe will suddenly realize that God is doing for us\nwhat we could not do for ourselves.\nAre these extravagant promises?\nWe think not.\nThey're being fulfilled among us,\nsometimes quickly,\nspiritually,\nsometimes slowly,\nbut they will always materialize\nif we work for them.\nYou know, I've had some very horrendous hangovers in my time,\nand I know that you guys have too,\nand I have thrown up sometimes\nor something horrendously,\nblood and all,\nin my drinking career.\nBut you know, those kind of experiences\nnever caused me to want to quit drinking.\nWhat caused me wanting to quit drinking\nwas the guilt, shame, and remorse\nthat I had as a result of the harm that I did other people.\nAnd these promises begin to disappear.\nThey begin to come about in my life.\nThey came about, not in my body,\nbut in my mind.\nI begin to experience these things in my mind.\nAnd I knew, of course, that the program was working for me.\nAnd I'm free of those things today, thank God.\nI'm going to read them again.\nI'm going to add a few words to them.\nAnd the words I'm going to add to them\nrefer to the time when I was young,\nwhen alcohol was my friend,\nwhen I could drink it\nand be Fred Astaire on the dance floor,\nwhen I could drink it and be Fred Astaire on the dance floor,\nwhen I could drink it and be Fred Astaire on the dance floor,\nwhen I could drink it and be Fred Astaire on the dance floor,\nand the world's greatest lover in the backseat of a 36 Chevrolet.\nand the world's greatest lover in the backseat of a 36 Chevrolet.\nThis is the way alcohol used to make me feel\nThis is the way alcohol used to make me feel\nbefore it turned against me.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI knew a new freedom and a new happiness.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI did not regret the past\nnor wish to shut the door on it.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI would comprehend the word serenity\nand I would know peace.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nbefore down the scale I had gone,\nI could see how my experience would benefit others.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nthat feeling of uselessness and self-pity\nwould disappear.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI would lose interest in selfish things\nand gain interest in my fellows.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nself-seeking would slip away.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nmy whole attitude and outlook upon life would change.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nthe fear of people and economic insecurity\nwould leave me.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI would intuitively know how to handle situations\nwhich used to baffle me.\nWhenever I took a drink of alcohol,\nI would suddenly realize that alcohol\nwas doing for me\nwhat I could not do for myself.\nNow think about that a moment.\nMy God, no wonder I love to drink.\nWhen you find anything\nthat will do that much for you,\nyou immediately become\nmentally addicted to the use of it,\nwhatever it is.\nIf it had been chocolate ice cream,\nmy God, I would have been addicted\nto chocolate ice cream.\nIf it had been Hostess Twinkies,\nit would have been Hostess Twinkies.\nIf it had been gambling,\nit would have been gambling.\nMine was alcohol.\nAlcohol did for me\nwhat I could not do for myself,\nand it was my friend,\nand it worked for me like magic\nfor years.\nAnd one day,\nalcohol turned against me,\nand all the things I was afraid\nwould happen to me\nnow began to happen\nbecause of the alcohol itself.\nI became a very, very confused individual,\nnot knowing I was alcoholic,\nnot knowing I would never be able\nto recapture these feelings\nfrom alcohol.\nI spent the last four, five,\nsix years of my drinking\ndesperately trying to get\nthese things back from alcohol.\nAlcohol almost destroyed me\nin the process.\nI came to AA.\nYou gave me a book.\nI found a little program of action\nin this book.\nI began to apply it in my life.\nAnd one day I woke up\nand found these promises\nin my head,\nand I suddenly realized\nthat the first nine steps\nof Alcoholics Anonymous\nare doing just exactly for me\nwhat alcohol used to do for me\nwhen I was my friend.\nYou see, that's why I don't drink today.\nIf I hadn't found this somewhere,\nI would still be searching for it.\nI would probably have gone back\nto alcohol until eventually\nit completely consumed me\nand destroyed me.\nBut I don't need to drink\nbecause I found everything good\nthat alcohol gave me\nthrough the first nine steps\nof Alcoholics Anonymous.\nThat's the miracle\nof Alcoholics Anonymous.\nThe first nine steps\nhave never turned against me\nas alcohol did.\nI've never been placed in jail\nbecause of the first nine steps.\nNo lady has ever drug me\nthrough a divorce court\nbecause of the first nine steps.\nI've never vomited.\nDamn near did a time or two,\nbut I've never really vomited\nbecause of the first nine steps.\nYou see, that's the miracle.\nAnd if you read those promises,\nyou'll find none of them\ndeal with the body.\nWe came here restless,\nirritable, discontented,\nfilled with shame, fear, guilt,\nremorse, worry, anger, depression,\nand etc.\nWe've worked the steps.\nWe received the promises.\nCertainly we have undergone\na change in our personality.\nWe have undergone\na spiritual awakening already.\nNow if that's true,\nwhat are the last three steps?\nAnd many people will tell us\nthe last three steps\nare to maintain our sobriety.\nI will agree that they will\nhelp us stay sober.\nBut the word maintenance itself\nis a misnomer.\nTo maintain something means\nto keep it as is.\nAnd another natural law applies.\nNothing in our universe\never stays as is.\nEverything in our universe\nis in a constant cycle\nof state of change.\nIt's either growing\nor it's dying.\nIt's progressing or it's regressing.\nIt's going forward\nor it's going back.\nNow we've made a tremendous amount\nof spiritual growth\nthrough the first nine steps\nif we've got the promises.\nBut if we try to maintain this,\neventually we start slipping back\nand we start having trouble with people,\nthen with ourself,\nthen with God,\nhow do I know that?\nI see it happen in AA\nover and over and over again.\nThat's what happens\nwhen people like us\nwho have had a good program\ngo back and get drunk again.\nIt's because we stopped growing.\nAnd you can't stop growing.\nIf you do, you'll start dying.\n