Jimmy D. at the Saturday Night Live AA Speaker Meeting – 2024

Hey, everybody. I'm Jimmy. I am an alcoholic. Yeah! Hey, it's an honor and a privilege to be here at the world-famous Utah Valley Alano Club. All my friends have been here. They all rave about what a great group it is, and I can see it and feel it. Frequent contact with newcomers and each other is the bright spot of our lives. I feel it right here, people suiting up and showing up. I'll tell you people first of all first thing a very first thing I want to tell everyone in the room number one I didn't always look like a cop this was uh this was once a very punk-rock haircut when I got it in 1979 I was a rebel in 1979 for those who you others around if any these guys are old enough they all had mullets in 1979 but I was a rebel and man but I morphed I was like 20 then or 19 and by the time I was 30 I looked like a cop everywhere I went it was rough man it was a heavy cross to bear now I'm 65 years old people think everywhere I go people think I'm an old military guy I've just flew up here the guy at TSA goes what are you retired military he's going through my stuff of course I just have that. Look, he's going through my stuff. He says, what are you, retired military? I had to tell him the truth. Nah, I never been in the military. I did a short tour in the Salvation Army, but I don't get any credit for that. And yeah, no stolen valor from me. Yeah, and the second thing I'll tell you folks is that I do live at Zuma Beach in Malibu, California, and I drove Thursday night I drove into LA which is about an hour to go to a meeting and then I drove from LA eight o'clock at night to Palm Springs to stay with my buddy Mickey Bush and that was three hours so I was four hours on the road we got up in the morning yesterday morning and drove four and a half almost five hours to Lake Havasu City they're having a convention down there and I talked at the AA. And then I had to get up at six o'clock this morning. Actually, I got up at 515. I was on the road at six to catch the flight from Orange County. I drove, you know, five hours to Orange County to fly up here. And I tell you that right off the bat, let everyone in the room know that I am willing to go to any length to listen to myself uninterrupted. Because I'll tell you right now I'm not too cool to tell you this is my favorite part of any meeting when I get a chance to talk my home group is a one-hour discussion meeting I sit there 55 minutes I have no idea what anybody's saying I'm just waiting for my five minutes because I always get something out of it he gets me every time. I love AA, OAA. I don't have what it takes, young people. I don't have what it takes to live the life I've lived. It's unbelievable. Every good thing I got in this world, I got from rooms just like this, people just like you. You can't always tell. I know sometimes it feels lame, but I will tell you. I've had an unbelievable life because of rooms like this and people like you. It's the best show in town. None of my little friends that I grew up with, I don't know if you guys can tell, I'm going to tell you a lot about drinking, but I don'T KNOW IF YOU CAN TELL I'M NOT JUST AN ALCOHOLIC, I'M A GLUE SNIFFER AND A PCP SMOKER. WHEN I GOT TO AA, I HAD THAT PCP GLARE. AND NONE OF MY FRIENDS LIVED TO BE 30 YEARS OLD. I WAS THE FIRST ONE IN MY COUNTY, I'm from Pennsylvania. I was the first one in my town of all my friends to be sent to AA. A judge sent me to AA in December of 1975, and I was 16 years old. Juvenile court sent me TOAA, and none of my friends lived to be 30, and I'll just tell you how my life went as opposed to my friends, and I Was the Biggest Dumbest Loser of Them All. I'm From a Broken Alcoholic Home. I come from Pennsylvania, but in December Of 1975, I was sent to, I was living in a place called the Coots Home for Wayward Boys, Bridge House. And the judge sent me to, I had to go to 16 meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous during the first eight weeks I was there. I'd already been sent, I'd been arrested 11 times. You know not real criminal stuff. I wasn't, as a kid I wasn' a real criminal. Like some of you guys I see out there. Look at this crowd man. wasn't a real criminal I was a kid you know typical kids stuff possession and consumption of alcohol by a minor disorderly resisting arrest every time of course disorderly conduct urinating in public all the classy things one of those urinating and public I didn't bother to get my fly down man too much work I'm wasted here officer and I don't have to tell some of these guys some of these guys know. Life is all about seconds and inches, man. My life could have been so much different, so much worse. Seconds and inches. I'm lucky I never had to register as a sex offender. Some of you guys know cops, they don't want to get you for urinating in public. The cops always wanted to get me for indecent exposure. Luckily, I've got insufficient evidence. So it's not all bad I'm grateful for the little things Right? Right Jeremy? He'll tell you It's my only friend in the whole town And I'm going after him already It's unbelievable Man, I didn't like school when I was a kid I'm from a broken alcoholic home I come from ugly stock I've seen bad stuff I'm a kid that experienced I was the kind of person I was not unlike all your other speaker types I wasn't an athlete You know, I'm tall but I can't jump I wasn't an athlete. I'm not an academic. I guess you can pick that up already. I'm no academic. I wasn' good at school, didn't like school. I'm tecky. I can't fix nothing. I don't know how to surf. I can barely swim. I'm having trouble with my gum. I don' even know how t fish, man. I don''t know how do nothing. I showed no promise in anything but like burglary. I had nothing going for me. But when I discovered, I was messed up. I was a truant long before I even smoked my first cigarette. I hated school. I always rather be farting around. And I used to go to school. As soon as I discovered drugs and alcohol, I'd go to junior high school. I'm bumming money in the parking lot, right at the entrance to the school. School starts at 820. I'm there at 730, right in front of the cafeteria where kids with money coming in, buying themselves breakfast and stuff. I'm hitting all the kids up. same kids every year starting in junior high. Got a nickel, got a dime, got a quarter. I'd bump $2.50 by 8, 15, 8, 20. I had to leave campus and go hang out in the back of the liquor store. Have the same adults every day coming through and get me a run. I come with buddies or sometimes a girl, other friends from the neighborhood. And back in the day I'd give a guy $2, same adults everyday. They knew what I wanted. $2 to keep the change because for $1.80 I'd get a bottle of banana red md 2020 they got that in in this in uh provo utah you heard of md2020 those of you okay that don't know md-2020 it's actually a schedule one hallucinogen that somehow somehow this stuff made it to the wine section of liquor stores wine this stuff never seen a grape it was uh it was like rocket fuel md md2020 is like having meth in the energy drink section because i mean md 2020 take you downtown fast and i was on the md-2020 diet lose three days in one week and uh i've been arrested in the snow with no shirt on 10 o'clock in the morning if i can still get up i'm not drunk i'm up and uh i couldn't always drink md 2020 because i got in trouble that stuff gets you in trouble fast and sometimes i give a guy two dollars i give it back two and a quarter and say keep the change because for 210 six pack of 16 ounce colt 45. and that doesn't make me a big jerk all my drinks had numbers bacardi 151 old english 800. that's how i learned math and uh that doesn't make me a big drinker i've heard guys in aa say things like i drank 40 years five gallons of whiskey every day for 40 years and i think yeah cool but i you know i say this when you're 14 years old and you've been sniffing glue smoking angel dust and a six pack of 16 ounce colt 45 gets you in trouble guy had a lot of rides home in the back of a police car picked up from the cops take him back to school, take him to my mom's work. But my real thing was keg parties. We were talking about them at dinner. Some of you folks call them keggers, keg bodies. And we could ask the young people, they still got keg buddies here, youngsters? Any guys ever been to a keg party? All us old people went to keggars. And that was my thing. Good night. They're leaving, Neil. Is that all right? I'm used to that, man. That's cool. I'll be the last one in the room. still drive home feeling better yeah man keg parties not you know because first of all I never had any money but it'd be at so-and-so's house you'd hear in the neighborhood oh so and so's house 8 o'clock Saturday night man I'd be there at 615 with a pitcher ready to go getting my drink on I'm the first one at the keg and I don't move until they move me I know all the tricks sticking it back of my arm getting all the trick changing my shirt getting another drink there's 50 people in line i've had 10 drinks in five minutes and uh eventually the older dudes i'm 14 i'm 15 16 years old the older dude's college dudes big dudes i was tall but i was skinny i was not a threat the older bigger dudes would shove me out of the way say you know jimmy there's 50 people in line you've had 10 drinks and i'd had to resort to drink stealing i'm a drink stealer you're a drink dealer i know one when i see one any other drink stealers in the house beside this guy there you go yeah man because first of all some people drink like this at a party can you imagine or at a club you imagine Then they set it down. Can you imagine? With a ninja like me, I know all the tricks. Hey, look who's here. Hey, can you see who it is? Open your throat, but some of you guys that know, the drink stealers know there's a risk. Every third, fourth one, cigarette butts. i'm up but i can't see i'm a blind drunk there's cans cups bottles everywhere i'm up so i'm not that drunk but i can't and the real problem with drink stealing is not to cigarette butts the problem is people really hate drink stealers it brings out an ugliness and a viciousness from human beings that nothing else i've ever seen does i've been caught stealing drinks and beaten up bad many times by little dudes and chicks, and I'm that guy. Typical night for 15-year-old me. I wish I could tell you it happened once or twice. Anybody else? You guys are in the cold. This is cold. Snow's up here, right? There's a little snow in the mountains. Somebody's going to relate to this story. I hope. I was in Canada. There was a couple that related. I'm from Pennsylvania. Freezing cold winters. My drinking was in most of it. I remember the ugliest best, the best stories were in the winter. Anyway, I'm at a party, typical night for me. I don't just black out, I am sort of gray out. I am at one party and next thing you know I am at a different party. Now that I got here I am in a different part but they are not letting me in. I hear them telling me to get lost, get lost. I hear him and I am outside, they are not let me in. And I'm bleeding. I don't know what happened. I'm bleeding. So, I walk home in the frozen Pennsylvania and I don't remember walking home but next thing you know, I'm home. I'm trying to get in the door. Oh, I locked the back door. I can't get in house. I's not waking up my mom. I mean, my mom's house and I'm not waking her up cuz I'm in trouble. So I sleep in her car in a freezing Pennsylvania winter and I come two in the morning. I wish I could tell you it only happened once. I come to in the morning, my whole crotch from my navel to my knees all through my inner thighs, the skin is gone. Red, raw, open wound. And it was the most painful thing. It was worse than I'd broken my lab, broken bones, nothing like the pain of ripped off raw skin all through everything. And I'm like, was I with a stray dog? I mean, what the F has happened to me here? And I'd see an outline in my pants and I'd smell it and I said, oh, I did it again. I walked home with frozen piss pants. yeah it's funny now but at the time it's not that cool i'm that guy 15 years old i have to hear from people in my neighborhood my peers jimmy on monday tuesday jimny everybody saw you You were at that party trying to talk to girls. Your pants were pissed. It was awful, man. It was awful. Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization ran through my DNA. I was messed up. I was immature. I laugh about it. I've been telling the same dumb stories a long time. It was 50 years ago. And I've been telling the same dumb stories, but it's not – it wasn't cool. It wasn't fun. It wasn'T partying. It wasn' just drinking. It was alcoholism. You know, partying is fun. It's a cold beer at the beach. But alcoholism is full of trauma and domestic violence, traumatized children, court cases. I had court cases, judges, social workers, unspeakable loneliness and despair. That's what was really happening. Shame, humiliation, not humility, humilation, man, it's awful. And I know what it's like. I stole from my neighbors. You know, I break into cars, I brake into houses. I stole, I was a paper boy before I ever even, And when I started drinking, 12 years old, paper boy. The people went on vacation. I robbed their house. What an idiot. And I got caught. The neighbors looked down on me. And I know what it feels like. And I knows what it looks like in somebody's eyes when they're looking down on you. And they're look at you with, like, what is wrong with this guy? They're looking at you superiority. It's a rotten feeling. And it's alcoholism for me. And I'm living in a boy's home. I got sent to a boy's home because I didn't go to school. You know, I'm in a home with incest survivors and orphans and developmentally challenged kids, and there was a couple of psychopaths in there, real, you know, sickos. And me, a big dumb loser who wouldn't go TO school, wouldn't listen to his mom, stealing from his neighbors, drinking. And, yeah, that's your speaker tonight. So congratulations for being here. And guess what? This judge, oh, he already sent me. The judge sent me to the Scared Straight program. I've been screamed at by convicts. That never inspired me. Your speaker tonight does not respond well to tough love. Being screamed at never inspired me to want to clean up my life. I just shut down. But I know it's tough love, i guess works for some people doesn't work for me tonight they're leaving in droves now neil but i'm just getting going i'm starting to get into it i got sent to aa and the first introduction i'm living in this boy's home and these guys from h and i come and i know this man from my neighborhood this old guy got a gold Dodge Dart with an easy does it bumper sticker and he comes in talking about AAA I had to go to 16 meetings the first meeting they came in and the guy said to me Jimmy I'm picking you up there's a meeting at the 12 and 12 Club on Market Street tomorrow at 8 o'clock I'm gonna pick you up at 7 30 right out front and he said Jimmy when an AA guy tells you he's gonna be there at 730. He's there at 730 and you know through my brain damage I knew there was something going on. I knew it was solid and the thing about AA they took me out to the meeting the next night and those people were kind to me. Kindness is the language of Alcoholics Anonymous. These guys were kind to me nobody said I was too young nobody called me a drug addict they gave me rides, they gave me cigarettes, two, three cigarettes for the road back when cigarettes were 35 cents a pack I think today I don't know, what do you tell the new guys roll your own not at 10 bucks I don' t even know, those vapes probably cost money I'm sure half the dudes in this room steal their vapes don't they No offense. I'm not in law enforcement. I just got that look. It's a heavy cross to bear. I don't know what I should do. Where was I? Oh, the old guys in AA, man. These guys were unbelievable. They gave me rides. They gave my cigarettes. They were giving me coffee. I was a kid. I don' t drink coffee. I'm all jacked up on AA coffee. And then when they realized I wasn't as dangerous as I looked, they took me out for pie you know take you out after the meeting sit in some coffee shop and these guys were kind to me and nobody can tell me different kindness is the language of Alcoholics Anonymous it was going on in December of 1975 I have a feeling it was goin' on 40 years earlier in 1935 when AA was getting started guys were guys were kinda each other telling them they got maybe a solution here and I didn't feel it right here at the Utah Valley Alano Club. I feel it from all the friends I've already met, the Mikes and the Jeremies and the RDs or RJs, BJ, whatever his name is. No offense. All right. We got security in here? I'm getting a little nervous. All Right. Yeah, man, kindness is what's going on here, people. Let me tell you what these old guys said to me. They said, Jimmy, you are lucky to know about this AA. These old guys were saying, and old girls too, they were saying dude, you're lucky to know this AA at your age. My whole life, I could have been, I wish I had known about AA. I was qualified at 15 years old blackout drinking. That's what these old guy said, my whole life would have been different, they said. And then they said things like this. They said, Jimmy, you can't imagine if you stick around AA, you stick around AA Jimmy, You can't Imagine the kind of life you'll have. You can imagine the unbelievable life you'd have if you sticking AA and I remember exactly what thought and felt when these old guys were saying that to me I thought mister you don't even know me man you can't say that because I'm not like you you don' t know me I'm a loser I'ma failure I had the opposite of the Midas touch and I knew it and everybody that knew me knew it bad stuff happened in my little life you know I'm just a partier I lived in a town called Marcus Pennsylvania is a town full of pagans and a motorcycle gang. The pagans versus the warlocks. They were cooking up crank and PCP. It wiped out half my town, and I had a buddy. My best friend was a kid named Eric Hagman, and he was a blonde Nordic kid with a beautiful sister and mom and dad in the house. He was from a better neighborhood, and uh he was just a drinker not a druggie. I turn him onto the PCP I'm selling for the pagans. He goes and walks in front of the metro liner, high-speed train from D.C. to New York and dead. And people knew it, and I knew it and everybody, you know, people called me a jinx. I had no friends. I had no real friends anymore. And if I had any courage, I'd ended my dumb life. And thank God I didn't. you know, bad stuff happened in my life. And I knew I could never be like those kind, generous, giving alcoholics. I'm not generous. I don't even share. If you got drugs and alcohol, I'm partying. Let's party. You're my friend. I have friends with everybody. You got drugs, you got money, you got alcohol, let's party! But if I got money and drugs and alcohol I party alone I sit in my mom's car with frozen piss pants and anyway I knew I couldn't be like that but you know what now I know that was a long time ago that was long time ago and now I know it's when an old AA guys talking you know I listen up because it's like those old first of all those old guys I think they were in their 30s or 40s it's like they were looking in a crystal ball they knew the future a big dumb loser like me I told you none of my friends lived to be 30 I was the first one sent to AA my friends crashed cars two of my friends my next-door neighbor I was three weeks clean and sober my next- door neighbor 18 years old I grew up with the dude dead of a heroin overdose three weeks so a little signs right signs from above man maybe this AA is okay. My next-door neighbor, dead. I wasn't there. And two of my friends crashed cars within a year of each other, going 100 miles an hour in the same street about a year apart, dead, and my life went to, one of my buddies went to prison for nine years, and I'm sober. He's telling me prison, when he got out, he's telling me prison stories. I'm thinking, damn, glad I'm sticking sober, man. It's bad stories. Those guys were right about a big dumb loser like me. My sobriety date is May 10, 1977. I was 17 years old. I had my last drink and drug. And I don't have what it takes. I have been around the world. I got more friends. I've around the world i've been a business owner almost 40 years i've been a homeowner almost 40 years i got more friends than i can keep in touch with and this is not about me this is about what's on offer for every youngster and every oldster everybody that walks in the doors of alcoholics anonymous i've had more love there is more love and more support in these rooms than i could ever take advantage of than any of us could ever to take advantage of. You're new. I know there's new people here. You don't know it. It just seems like some weird room with some clown at the, some cop looking guy on stage. You don't know it yet, but you want to try this AA, not drinking. Try it for 30 days. Go to some meetings. Maybe try those step things. You don't know it, but all around Utah, all around the United States of America and all around the world. People are rooting for you. AA members got your back. There's a lot of power here. There's not a lot to lose. There is a lot of power. And it may not seem like it when you're new, but stick around. Those old AA guys were right. You can't imagine the kind of life you can have. Most of my AA friends, they live the lives they want to live. They live where they want live they do what they want to do we have freedom anyway i'm not one of these guys that you hear i we heard this i told you earlier about these guys you ever hear these guys in aa i drank 40 years five gallons of whiskey every day for 40 years didn't sleep didn't eat didn't work just drank five gallons 40 years and after 40 years of five gallons every day i walked into my first meeting of alcoholics anonymous and the obsession to drink and use was lifted you ever hear these guys they say that in provo utah they say that i remember i heard these guys i thought what then what are you doing here why would you even come back you don't have any desire anymore i didn't get it i got sober the old fashion way it was agonizing those early days were painful i was chain smoking and uh sitting on my hands looking at the wall looking at The Clock waiting for another one of those AA meetings because I sat there and every meeting it seemed I'd hear something now most of the time I didn't know what was going on I didn t get it the people were old and weird but I d hear something that And I thought, hey, maybe there's hope. I didn't know the word was hope, but I just thought, man, maybe there is some kind of life for me too if I don't drink. Because I knew, listen, I'm not a social drinker. I can't do anything. Something about anyway. And you know, it's true even today. I get something out of these AA meetings that I don'T have on my own. I walk into these rooms. I hear this language. I hear This Laughter. I hear the readings. I see the faces. This is where, this is the treatment right here. You know, the good news, people, is if you're new, there's help here. The bad news is we're it. We're the help. It's us. But I just, I thought maybe there's hope for me and it got easier they told me the tool about one day at a time i thought i can stay clean one day and i sit on my hands and i watch the clock and i chain smoke and i went to the meeting and it god easier god easier got a little experience got a few incidents i got through because i knew i couldn't stay sober the rest of my life everybody knows that i can't stay sober you can't stay sober the rest of your life but i was able to understand one incident at a time one day at a time one party at a one social event at a time one holiday getting through a holiday sober man i got power coming to the meetings i got helped here nothing about me is self-made i got treatment here in alcoholics anonymous so anyway this sponsor guy saved my life you know most like many many aa members are alive because somebody in aaa took interest in their case this guy i got the old guy with the gold dodge darts saved my life and he pulled me out of scrapes he got me back into school i hadn't been to school now i didn't stop when i first met him i got out of that boy's home and i was still out cutting school i got in trouble again and uh he used to stop his car right in traffic he'd see me And I'd say, oh God, here he comes, this old guy. And he'd stop his car right in traffic. He'd come over, walk up to me. And I'm thinking, oh, God, I smell like weed. And he come right up to meet his car in traffic, he go, Jimmy, Jimmy. Hey man, come, hey, we're saving you a seat at the meeting going to come back and see us and come up to him and give me these big bear hugs. He looked me right in the eye, put his cheek on me, cheek to cheek hug. And he look at me say, I love you, Jimmy I love You. I remember thinking, oh, this guy is so creepy. But I got lucky. I got luck. This guy didn't want anything weird from me. And how do you thank a guy for saving your life? And that's what's going on in AA. This guy, all he did was 12-step work, H&I work, and I did it with him. He got me a driver's license I wasn't supposed to get until I was 21 years old. He got my a driver license. He knew somebody in the state, and AA people know people. And he got me back into school. I hadn't been to school in over a year, a different school. And then he got мне a job at Sears. I worked at SeARS. I made $2.30 an hour. And that was a huge upgrade for a big, dumb loser like me. I made$2. 30 an hour, and I saved $600. And I didn't do well in school when I turned 18 years old. I turned 18 years old, and I, you know, what do most guys do? At 18, first of all, college was never an option. My mother had zero money, and I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a D minus student when I cheat. And college was never an action, and I couldn't go to the military on a technicality. I'm coward, so that wasn't gonna happen. I ain't going over well with these Trump dudes. what's a big dumb loser like me supposed to do guess what i could show you on a map i got courage because aa members we get courage if we're doing this thing and we realize what's on offer somehow i you know i didn't feel like hey i got encourage i'll go to california but i look back i must have had some kind of guts that I never had because I'd never been anywhere. I'd ever been anywhere, I could show you on a map. I told you I was arrested 11 times, I'll show you on the map all in the same four square blocks where I grew up. I've never been any where. The cops knew me, the principals knew me. All the school, the teachers, everybody knew where to find me and but I saved $600 and I said you know maybe there, I thought to myself maybe there's, Maybe if I don't drink, maybe there's AA in California. And I ended up over there in a world-famous place called Ohio Street in West Los Angeles. And I got a few minutes left. I don' t have time. I'm not going to get too much into the book or God or the steps. I will tell you my personal experience. My experience is, look, it's a great book. That book has helped me more than any book. That's a good book. In fact, I like all Bill Wilson's writings. I mean, I don''t like every line. My experience isn't with every line and every book, but he wrote for 36 years. 31? Yeah, 36 years, he stayed sober 36 years before he passed. He wrote all through it, and more was disclosed, just like he promised us. Anyway, I can read, for me, this particular alcoholic, I can reading that book until I'm blue in the face. Sometimes that book's not enough for this particular member of AA. Sometimes it's not enoug And you know what? I prayed a lot. I pray a lot, and sometimes praying ain't enough, so I don't feel nothing coming back. My personal experience has been if I don' t surround myself with other brothers and sisters on this path, other AA dudes and chicks that don' T drink and go to meetings and bumblingly try to follow this plan of living, if they're not in my life, the go-to people in my life i got nothing a book is not recovery for me god is not recovery i have always needed and always wanted living breathing examples how to live sober how to live i need treatment for this for what's between my ears and i found those examples in aa meetings and of course not every meeting and not every member but i found other brothers and sisters over there in west la and i did probably what you folks i feel the vibe of the fellowship in provo utah i feel it i know you folks get together every week and do stuff and go to the same meetings you say hey i'll meet you monday night here tuesday night we go there wednesday that's what i did i went to monday night kelton now they're all around the country people know some of these meetings mondaynight kelton tuesday night two plus two wednesday night uh see i went california had nothing but i had other aa dudes i had couch surfing i made roommates with guys and we'd go and just like you're doing meeting in the fellowship wednesday night i'd sneak into the pacific group i never had a jacket and they want you to have a jacket but i'd sneaked in and uh it's thursday night young people's friday night ladies and gentlemen i went to rodeo drive beverly hills aa that's right big dumb loser are like me. It's all people, man. Anyway, Saturday night back at the Ohio Street and then we would go to a sober dance. They had sober dances in Hollywood on Hollywood Boulevard. They did sober dances at Venice, Venice Beach on the Venice Circle. They have them in the Valley. Has anybody in Provo, Utah ever been to a Sober Dance? Show of hands? Boy, not many. You got a lot of people to tell it's a whole new bottom that you'd hit in sobriety oh yeah oh you can't imagine you find yourself on some church basement on a Saturday night dancing to the oldies with a bunch of sober white people man it's uh a level of lame I never knew existed but I went to all of them And that's where I honed my moves, ladies. I still got them. You know how to get lucky at a sober dance? Go home alone. Young people, new people, I was five years sober, 23 years old. I never had $1,000 in my life. Never had 1,000 bucks to my name ever. Came to California with 600. I drove 125cc Enduro, Yamaha Enduro. I had no driver's license. I rode it through Hollywood. I never hat anything. Failed at every job. I had not skills, no college education. But guess what? Five years sober, I was in the armpit of the planet. And I will tell you about this. Maybe some of you have been there at your bottom. I lived on Formosa at Fountain, which is basically Sunset and La Brea in the early 80s. 1982 was the absolute armpit of the planet. It was nasty. There was stuff all over my street, but it was all I could afford. And I couldn't even pay the rent. I had a $250-a-month apartment. The end of my street was sex workers on Sunset Boulevard. The end of the other block was Boys Town, Hustlers. I couldn't pay my rent. But guess what? I'm an AA guy. I had two newcomers on my floor in the living room. I was on the floor too, but I was in the bedroom because it was my place. And one of those guys is sober. I saw him Thursday night at the L.A. meeting I went to. One of them is 41 or 42 years sober. my buddy roy tate and uh because i'm an a.a guy this is what we do i you know and i my job my life was i went to aa and you know i bounced around looking for jobs and getting jobs and losing jobs i went the punk rock show some i lost the job because i was so beat up from being in the pit every night i couldn't even go to work sober anyway uh they're sleeping on my floor and the guys told me i never i couldn't pay the rent i told them dudes i'm at the jumping off place i don't know what i'm going to do they said jimmy there's a guy in the valley in aa he's an aa guy and he does the hiring for this big sales company there's 120 salesmen and uh straight commission they're selling tools i said straight commission i got i can't tools i can't even screw in a light bulb i don't know anything about tool i said dudes i that it's not gonna work they said no the first two weeks i said dude i'm at the jump and all place i told him i says man i told i'm thinking about putting on a dress and walking down to santa monica boulevard oh no no don't judge that's that's not my thing i don' t roll that way but twenty dollars is twenty dollars and I don't judge it you know Mike told me Jimmy you don't even need a dress you know security he doesn't look real happy I love this guy yeah he was my security toy oh I go after the wrong people where some we're some little weaklings guess what I went out to that sales company and the guy is interviewing me and I'm out of my mind chain-smoking he goes you got five years I said yeah I'm five years like go this hair and this night I know this and I got all the means he you got five years he said to me I said yeah guess what they hired me they trained me there were guys that had been in that company over 20 years there were 120 salesmen I outsold them all I was salesman of the year my first year I brag about the trophy I got a trophy this big salesman rookie of the year I bragged about because I never got a sports trophy and uh I had a technique I had of technique they're quiet listen up i wore people out i wore them out man just like i'm doing here tonight at the utah valley alano club until i'm the last guy in the room five years sober never had a thousand bucks six and a half years sober i saved every nickel worked like a dog i bought a house in studio city california fixed up that house had my aa friends come over i bought pizza they painted and fixed up my house i know all the tricks and uh had a pool at pool parties and uh i quit that company and i because i got some kind of courage once again i met new people i met aa guys that were in business and i learned about selling things and i uh i quit that company and the boss of that company said jimmy don't quit we are expanding i want to give you i want you to be a manager you can train be a trainer and a sales manager don't quite we are growing and i'll give you profit sharing i said man i wanted to start my own company i had a connection i started a company called rock bottom imports we sold rock and roll stickers and pins and posters. I imported posters from England. I had a thousand stores, but that took a while. That company, I quit. My boss is this boss, his name was Eric Schmidt and you could go home and Google Eric Schmidt. That Company became Harbor Freight. And Harbor freight Eric Schmidt is worth five billion dollars and I wanted to sell stickers so if anybody has career investment and questions come and see me I make brilliant moves people I had a good company we you know I hired my AA buddies we did trade shows I ended up with a thousand stores that bought stuff from me I was a wholesaler and and a few years after that I bought a house in Malibu California and I don't say that to say hey look at me I just remind everybody no one knows the future no one the future and I didn't give up 15 minutes before the miracle you know I would have stayed sober with nothing because I did that's where my looks were any good thing that was ever going to happened was because I was hanging around in AEA there were good people and they were helping me and I can't drink and use drugs safely no chance I know that about me I admitted to my innermost self I know who I am and I come to AEA and I get reminded who I'm where I come from I come to a and I got reminded of this plan for living I get remind it I get see little triumphs of the human spirit in a meetings you get to hear things get see and hear things here women getting those kids back after losing those kids how often do mothers who stay sober get their kids back how about a hundred percent of the time I always challenge somebody hey maybe not in your first week or first month or even your first year but it's impossible a mother stays sober stays active in an AA group they change we change and it becomes obvious to the outside world this person deserves another chance how often two women get their kids back a hundred percent of the time even fathers who want to have a little something going with their kids have a chance and i'll call it synonymous because we become it's impossible for the world not to see if we change we're doing this work and we change so uh yeah yeah the thing about my house i'll tell you another minute and i'm gonna tell a quick story and then then I'm going to sit down and shut up. I have a little house. I've had it over 30 years. It's on the bluff, which means it's across the highway on the hill in front of the beach. And it's a starter house, regular house, not a rich guy's house. But I look down on Broad Beach. It's famous, called Billionaire's Row. And it has all these celebs. And when I look Down the Beach, you know, I see the white water waves. There's a big mansion. It's Eric Schmidt's mansion, is right in front of my view. And I have to live with that every day. I desperately, desperately need a treatment. I desperately need program. So one of my buddies in AA was going to Asia. He was doing business and I said, Danny, I buy my good friend Danny. I said, Danny, I'm buying product over there. I'll go with you. He says, yeah, I am going back and forth. I go to China. I go Singapore. I go Indonesia, and I go Thailand. I said I'm going. I'll with you, and we went all over, and I, this was in 1994, I ended up on the island of Bali, and I stayed there. Bali's a little sober destination. I could feel it when I went there. See, I don't have what it takes to go to Bali. I could never go there by myself, but another AA guy was going there. I went to the island of Bali, and it's a little import-export hub. And I saw that it's an sober destination. There's all kinds of AAs from around the world. I'm talking about all over Europe, all over the world, they go to Bali because, I know temples and meditation and yoga retreats and all this new age stuff. and uh and i saw that there was a little aa vibe a little community and i was buying product and i said dudes the meetings were there was one at the back of a church if they let us in if they weren't having an event otherwise we had to sit on the patio of a Church their meetings on the beach there were meetings in restaurants I said dudes I'm staying here I'm stayin here I took on a partner from California to run the company and while I was over there buying product And I stayed because I met a girl. And I'm married to this girl 25 years. It feels like 50, honest to God. But I started a meeting hall just like this, no different than this, the same sort of structure, started a meetings hall, charged the meetings $15 rent is what the charge was. We had meetings and I started the meetings hall started a convention. Both are still going on there now, 25, 28 years, whatever it is. And you know, all the legendary Clancy and Mickey Bush, all these guys went to Bali and they still go. And I got married and I had two kids, grew up in a, two mongrel kids that grew up in a sober drug-free home. And because you know what? Frequent contact with newcomers and each other is the bright spot of my life. And nothing short of continuous action, nothing short of continuous actions as a way of life can bring the much desired result. Bill Wilson didn't write that in the big book. He wrote it when he had 12 or 15 years sober in the 12 and 12. He had like 15 years sober. He probably did like a lot of us, a little trial and error. And he realized, you know, I can cut back on meetings. I'll stay sober. But he probably learned because he wrote it nothing short of really continuously active nothing short continuous action it's a way of life can bring what we're really looking for the desired result of recovery I don't know what that is for you for me I want to feel good about myself and the life around me I wanna feel grateful I want remember who I am I want to be feel like you know I'm on the right path and that's uh the desired result of recovery and anyway I got five minutes I'm gonna tell you everything I know about Alcoholics Anonymous I promise I promise in the last five minutes I'll tell you every thing I know about a and then we'll get out of here started that little meeting hall and we had people from all around the globe we had conventions with 400 people from 40 or 45 different countries and because Bali's this little sober destination it's near Australia and there's lots of australians and i don't know if you folks have ever experienced like i have but just sit in a meeting and for whatever reason god is in the room or humans are in the room and they're bringing such joy and you feel like you walk out of the meeting think god i'm so glad to be sober i'm so glad to be part of this well that's what i felt when and often but one day a guy came in named big wave dave surfer dave from bondi beach sydney australia and uh this guy lit up the room big wave dave he lit up the room he made us laugh he made his cry i'll never forget he was there on holiday for two weeks he was there with his 15 year old daughter named chloe they called her cloney because she surfed just like her dad and this guy remember leaving the meeting every morning that meeting was 9 00 a.m i never missed it my life my with my family and my business started after 10 o'clock as i went to the meeting every morning and this guide lit up the room. And I remember walking out thinking, I'm so glad, man. Where else would I meet? I don't know anybody. I don' t have any connections in life. Where would I meet a funny, good, solid family, Australian like that? Only in AA. And then we had that Bali bomb. The Bali bomb, you could go home and Google it. It was 24 years ago, give or take and uh al-qaeda came into the island of little hindu peaceful island and uh they blew up the whole downtown restaurant row they killed they blew up thousands of people killed 202 australians and a terrorist attack and man i don't know about you folks what do you do when they blow up your town i know what i did the same thing i do the same things i did when the la riots were happening they were burning down the city and you know how am i what am i going to do now life is over i don't know about you folks i go to aa i go taa meetings because we're not oh we're not just talking about recovery from alcoholism we're talking about life we're talking about living in these meetings living how do you live through this through the la riots i've been in mount meetings in malibu three out of four people in the meeting lost their homes and fires been to meetings like that went to ran to aa my only safe haven i've ever known my whole life after 9 11. i go to aea what do we do now how am i going to practice the program now and that's what i did after that bali bomb i went to my meeting in the morning and i saw one of of the ugliest things that i ever saw that dave was there and he looked like a zombie it was so it was unbelievable you could see it and you feel it and he spit out that his daughter didn't come home he lost his 15 year old daughter in that bali bomb and i tell you this hideous ugly story not to remind everyone on a fun saturday night about how ugly and tragic and rotten life is that's not why i tell you the story i tell you the story because for aa members in alcoholics anonymous it's not the end of the story this guy had three other kids to raise we helped him get his passport there was nobody to claim he left and life goes on i went to my meeting every morning you know it was awful and the island came back and things got back to normal life went on and you know today i'm afraid to miss a meeting sometimes i'm afraid to the meeting not because i think i'm going to drink i'm afraid of what i might hear i don't want to miss out fomo fear of missing out you never know what you're going to hear one day like every other day i walked into my 9am meeting and there he was surfer dave he was back he was no longer looking like a zombie he was full of life again his eyes were big and he was smiling and he told us he was there for a two-year memorial we were all hugging him and he shared with us the meeting started and he shared with his cool Australian accent and he said you know my whole family and my extended family even the neighbors they say Dave you're a rock you're the rock Dave you're The Rock that kept this family together you're our rock in this family Dave and he turned to us and he said they'll never understand i'm not the rock i'm not the you people are the rock alcoholics anonymous is the rock this guy talked about how his home group in sydney australia loved him back to life and i saw it and i felt it this guy gave all credit for getting through one of the most hideous experiences in the human condition no one's had it worse no one has had it worse than losing a kid and this guy gave all credit for getting through that and being you know slowly recovering he gave all credit to the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous that's why we had rd jd over there bj read it for us and uh because the there's power there's power here. You folks plus me is a power greater than just me. And guess what, new people? Look at all of us. All of us plus you is a Power greater than Just You. I learned on that day, man, I ain't giving up my seat in AA for anyone or anything. AA is not a grief program, but this guy got through the most hideous grief there is from the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a place to live, to live through anything. When we go through ugly stuff, we support and love each other. When we do that, when we go through great stuff, we have people to celebrate it with. I wouldn't give up my seat, people. You'll never hear me complaining about my little life in an AA meeting because I saw a guy get through one of the ugliest things in town in the human experience and I know this. I don't drink. I don' t use. I come back here. I got every advantage in the humane experience. So thanks for putting up with me on a Saturday night and I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.