Jim H. Drifting Through Alabama Mountain Towns Until a Birmingham Flop House Ended the Run

Well, there's been so many nice things said about this roundup. I don't know of anything I could really add to it. I know I have thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn't get to attend quite all of it, having to work Friday, but maybe it'll be next year where I'm looking forward to attending every meeting of it if at all possible. It's been a learning experience for me as all AA meetings are One thing, I've met new people I've learned to love these new people and I've benefited from some of their talks There's been lots of talks It helped me I could identify with and i found that i learned what a love in was you know we had the love in on the program and i didn't know what a loving was really and i asked several people nobody could tell me to give me the definition of a loving but i found out what a living was and i've been knowing that ever since I've been in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I just didn't know how to define it. You loved me into this program. This was the only way I would have ever gotten here if you hadn't loved me in. Of all the methods that I tried to stop drinking, there was none to no avail until I was brought to AlcoholicsAnonymous and you people loved me here. So I've been knowing what love is more. I just didn't know what this was all about. Now it comes down time to introduce the speaker. And I can't say that I've heard this man talk. I've never heard his story. But I met him as soon as we arrived here Thursday night. i've had benny's fellowship and i have definitely learned to love him as a fellow and i feel like this i don't know about you but when i eat cake even today with icing on it i always save the icing to last and i think that's what possibly we have done with the speaker this morning we saved the icing on the cake to last now i'm not gonna try to pronounce the name of the town that he's from. Thought I knew I'd mess up there. I know he's from Alabama. I'm going to let Jim tell you what town he's från. So now, if you will, help me make welcome let's give Jim a great big hand. Jim. My name is Jim Hawkins and I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous at Oneonta, Alabama. Some of those folks around Oneonta don't pronounce it that way. I'm not, I'm a foreigner in Oneonta. But I haven't found it necessary to take a drink of alcohol since December the 8th, 1955. And for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I'm sober and I'm grateful that that I can say that it hasn't been necessary for me to take a drink I went to a lot of AA meetings in another part of this country where they almost required you to give your sobriety date they claimed that if you didn't there was some doubt in their mind of whether you had one then it also gives me an opportunity to tell you my old story and this is my story there's a lot of people that stole it but by God it belongs to me Mickey and I was talking out in Amarillo, Texas a few years ago and we was out at the top of Texas Roundup and on Thursday night at the early bird meeting they had a big barbecue They do that every year. The old chorale group puts on a big barbecue that's absolutely out of this world. And they have, I guess it was a love there, Earl. There was a lot of speakers, and they was popping up and down and speaking and sitting down and talking a little and sitting down, and there's an old boy chairing the meeting named Whistler Wilson. Whistner is dead, but I had permission to use his name before he died. Whistler is a good friend of mine, but Whistner had some problems, like all of us. And he said, my name is Whistlar Wilson, and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink in six months. He introduced the speaker and sat down. And he sat down close to me. And there's an old boy sitting behind us, leaned over, and he said... Whistlor, you was drunk two weeks ago. He said, I know that. But by God, it wasn't necessary. It's been a pleasure of being here up to now. I think you've had a fantastic roundup. I told some of the people on the committee earlier, and I want to tell everybody that's here this morning, that I've never been to one that there's any more friendliness and fellowship and love in my entire career in Alcoholics Anonymous. You got it down here. You got to be honest with yourself. You got this, so don't let it get away from you. Hang on to it. Mickey and I have thoroughly enjoyed ourselves since we arrived on Thursday evening. It's been fantastic. We are, the good Lord has been good to us, and he lets us do a lot of this running around. and we're always comparing different roundups and different conferences and this sort of thing and I'll tell you one thing, you've got a wing dinner down here. Well, I don't know hardly where to start. You know, it's all been said. I heard old Harold Wilson say down in Shreveport one time at Tri-State on Sunday morning, he said about the only thing I can do is just set myself on fire and jump off the podium. And I was out in Tyler and there was an old boy who spoke on Sunday morning and I thought I'd use that this morning. Well, he said, this is not my story. This is one I stole from Ken Wilder on the West Coast. He said, I don't know what to say. Everybody said everything there is to say except I think I'll just talk about sex and violence. And I think that's a pretty good thing to talk about because I know there's a lot of you Al-Anons can identify with that because there's been times in your life when you had too much of one not enough of the other. I like to talk about what happened to me to cause me to come to Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's what I was like. But I think the most beautiful part of any AA story is what happened, what happened within us, within our hearts that caused us to come to this decision of becoming a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and trying to live a sober, comfortable life. That is the part that is really important to me. And I have no idea when this started in my life. I was born and raised in the county where I work, in northeast Alabama, Jackson County, a little poor mountain town. My father was a merchant up there. And I had the wrong conception of God from the day I can remember. We lived in a little town of about 350 people, and they had six churches. and I was taught as a child that everybody that went to them other five wasn't going to make it and at six years old I didn't believe that and I think this is the beginning of my withdrawal from society I love my dad and my mother with all my heart almost as much is I love that gal that was up here yesterday morning at 10 o'clock. Man, I've been married to her for 38 years. And it gets better every year knowing CD. And I could identify with old CD yesterday that we ride close together in the car and we hold hands down here all the time. And that's good. That's good because I almost lost her. In fact, I did lose her a few times for some short intervals. But this is the way I grew up in this little town, and I loved my parents, and therefore I condemned myself for not being capable of accepting and adapting the kind of life that they wanted me to have. And I felt guilty about this, even at six years old. I didn't believe the things I was taught, and i don't believe them today. I don't believe them today. Whether or not this caused me to start drinking, I don' t have no idea. I didn' t take a drink until I was nearly 14. We had moved to Arkansas. My dad had already gone bankrupt like everybody else did during the Depression. And we moved to Arkansaw and there was sharecropping out there and I got drunk with three brothers. And the only reason I got drank is because they told me I was supposed to. They all drank and they said you're supposed to drink so I drank and I found out that I was supposed to. Because I'd always felt like that I was an oddball. No boy told me a story in the restaurant a while ago about this kid that was so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck and get the dogs to play with him. That's the way I felt when I was a kid. I was different. I was ashamed of my clothes. I was ashamed of my lunch. I was shamed of a lot of things. And I withdrew from society even as a kid. Now, these are some of the things that I'm sure that caused me to feel the way I did about myself. But the thing that happened to me that caused мне to accept Alcoholics Anonymous as a way of life. See, I've been in AA before. I came in there as the youngest man in the Birmingham area ever to darken the door of an Alcoholics Anonymous club room. And somebody made the mistake of telling me that I was too young to be an alcoholic. Don't do that. Don't ever do that, because some of us will believe you and we'll go back out and drink again. Don't over tell anyone that they're too young. Don't tell them to be a alcoholic. Of course, we're getting them in today a lot younger than I was when I came here. Don't ever tell anyone that Alcoholics Anonymous is like a cafeteria. We had an old boy in our group that did that. He said, you take one of this thing you can use, and then you don't worry about the rest of it. We've got 12 steps and 12 traditions in this program, and I think we need every one of them. I think we need every one of them, and as I think at that, it's just barely enough. Just barely enough for us to make it, especially me. Sometime in November of 1955, after having gone to AA for a few months and then having drank for a couple of weeks, for a Few Months, I told Mickey, I said, I'm going to go downtown and get me some liquor. I'd been buying some liquor along, you know, for the last five months. I'd gone to AA and floated around there phony, and then I got drunk after about five months, and thenI drank, I thought, constantly for five months Mickey said I didn't. But anyway, I went downtown to buy this sack of booze. Mickey says now is when you need to call George. George was one of my sponsors. And I told her where George could go. And you know where that was, because I didn't want to talk to nobody that was sober in Alcoholics Anonymous that day. So I went down and bought this sack of liquor, and I went downtown Birmingham and checked in a hotel to have me a slip. And that's just about how much sense a slip makes to me. But I had her. I checked in there on November, in November, and I have no idea when it was in November. I do know that the Pretty Whiskey Bottle was already out for Christmas because it must have been late November because I had some of them pretty bottles. God, I love them pretty bottle. I got a lot of them now, right now sitting on some shelves in our den. Beautiful bottles. I got an old buddy, I had an old buddy, he's passed away, that I sponsored in AA, that worked for Seagram's Distiller. And he used to give me these pretty bottles after they emptied them, of course. But I always loved them pretty bottles. But anyway, this is the reason I know that it was getting close to December. So I went into this hotel and I went in there to I guess think, I don't know. But you see, I've been in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous for ten months, and I had four of the greatest sponsors that ever lived. I had just about all of the group as a sponsor. People use that phrase, you know, just use the group. The group is a sponsor? That's about what I did because we didn't have about that many members when I went in. And after several days in this room, after coming to and passing out and running all of these things through my mind that had gone on in our lives, I started to think about some of the things my sponsors had told me. And one of the Things That George Had Told Me George was a guy that was a great believer in the God of his understanding. and I had a misinterpretation of what George meant when he talked about God as he understood him. I thought he was trying to cram the one down my throat that my parents and my neighbors had done during my time as a child and I wouldn't accept it. I know today that the reason I resented George so much is because of the way he looked when he spoke about his feelings and his serenity that he had achieved as a result of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I resented that because I knew George Garner was happy. And in 1957, November of 1957, George Gagner died, and I helped bury him. But in April of 1956, after having been sober less than six months, my father had a cerebral hemorrhage and George Garner sat by my side for 21 days and 21 nights and held my hand. That's what a sponsor is. 21 days and 21 nights he sat beside me and my dad died from something that I helped cause he died of a broken heart and cerebral hemorrhage these are some of the things that I thought about these are the things that caused me to cross that line that we talk about. I also recalled the time that I had gone on one of these long two-week drunks. Somewhere down in the southern part of Mississippi, me and an old boy that was in the car with me both decided to take a nap. And that's not advisable when you're driving about 80 or 90 miles an hour and you're the only two in the car. We came off of one of those long, steep hills down there on a narrow country road and about as far as from me to the tapers' tables I came to and there was a concrete buttment on a bridge staring me in the face. something told me to turn left and I pulled the steering wheel on that car to the left just as far as I could and we went through that bridge we went though it not exactly the way we were supposed to but we got through that we left a door and a bumper quarter panel and a fender and several other items on the other end of the bridge when we went through there, but we got through it. And the only thought I had was, how bad have I torn up my car? Not one iota of a thought that my life had been spared. And I know today what told me to turn left. I came to just before I got to that bridge. This was shortly before I came into AA. Sure enough, came into AAA. Now, the thing that I want to tell you is what happened when I got home We lived in a neighborhood where there was all young families with small children And you know, in a community like this, all the kids play in one yard Sometimes it would be ours and sometimes it would Be someone else's But they all play together When I drove this car into the driveway of our house, and that's what it was, an empty house, our two little girls were about six and eight, were playing across the street. And they saw the condition of the automobile, and they came running across the street. Now, you know, I didn't even think of this the day that it happened. But in this hotel room, this was very vivid in my mind. They come running across the street, and when they got just about as close to me and Joe on the front row, they stopped. They stopped abruptly. And you would never forget the look that was on their face. i hope to god i don't ever forget because i've been gone two weeks and i think i probably hadn't taken a bath in two weeks when those kids came i know they came running across the street because they saw their daddy come home in a wrecked automobile and they were concerned and they ran up to me about 10 feet away and they stopped and there was a forced smile on their lips and deathly fear in their eyes. And I know today they had no idea what reaction that I was going to have. I thought about another incident in my life. When we first moved to Birmingham, Mickey and I met and married in Chicago. She was from Kentucky and me from Alabama I don't know what we were doing in Chicago But we met up there at a New Year's party And got married a year later But anyway, we moved to Birmingham And when I first moved to Burmingham I was working for the same firm that I was Working for up east, up north Midwest And I didn't have an automobile I couldn't afford a bicycle and I used to come home from work at night at this particular time in our lives because I did come home a lot of times at night and I'd have to walk about four blocks from the streetcar line to get to our little apartment where we lived and walking along this street it was impossible for you not to be able to see into the windows of some of those homes all of the homes along this beautiful shaded street most of them had big picture windows and you could look into those picture windows and there would be a family sitting around in the living room I pictured I can picture it today there would me a husband and a wife and a couple of kids and they'd be gathered around either gathered around the TV or gathered around the radio or just sitting in the live room And you could see there was laughter. You could see there was serenity and contentment in that home. Do you know that I would have given honest to God, I would have given this up to my elbow if I could have experienced that. God, I wanted to live like that. I didn't want to be an alcoholic I didn' t want to feel the way I felt deep down within my heart and within my soul and I didn''t know what to do if there is thought because of the way I am then that thought is mine but for the life of me I can''t believe there is because of the nature of my illness. I never wanted to feel the way I did. These are some of the things that I thought about in this hotel room. I thought abut another item that George mentioned. And he said, one of these days, Jim, you're going to run out of resources. Now, he says, A.J. and Raleigh and Peggy and I have given you everything we know. We've told you all we know about our fellowship. And we don't have anything else. We don't know anything else to tell you. And brother, they had. They had to live with me. But he said, one of these days you're going to run out of resources, Jim. You're goingto have to reach out and take hold of something that's greater than anything you've ever come in contact with. I don't know when this is going to happen. I don' t know how this is gong to happen, but I do know, Jim, that this must happen in your life if you're ever going to find sobriety and contentment. this is what George said now I was about 30 years old 31 years old and I'd been fooling around with this thing Alcoholics Anonymous for a while and I had never done anything significant towards praying except just to get me out of a jam, get me outta jail and let me tell you I haven't told you a lot of the stuff that happened to me I don't think it's necessary. I know about the jails. I know about Skid Row. I know about sleeping in a 35 cent flop house. I know about tying your shoes with your shoe strings around your neck to keep people from stealing them. I know all of these things. I experienced them when I was 19 and 20 years old on West Madison Street in Chicago, one of the worst in the world. I know those things and it's not necessary to go into that. I'm talking about the gut things that cause me to become willing to go to any length to find sobriety. The gut level things. And that's what George and A.J. and Raleigh and Peggy told me about. One of these days it's going to happen, we hope. And we hope it'll happen while you're still a young man. You have so much to gain. And I'd never prayed. Gave me prayers, as I said, but nothing more. So I decided I'd try to do something about it. I think I decided at least I wound up down the hallway in the restroom of this hotel. Now, the hotel I stayed in didn't have bathrooms in your room. They had one on each floor. You know, there's a lot of hotels built that way. They're called flop houses. way down this dark and dreary hallway was a toilet and that's where I went not to do what you usually do there I went there to hide I was going to go down there and talk to this higher power that George had been telling me about I know today that I was hiding running I'd been running all my life but I was still running and I went down there and I thought about all of these things that I've just mentioned to you all of this came through my mind and I thought you had to get on your knees and that's what I did and I don't know anything that I said other than God teach me how to pray that's the only thing I remember I can remember the filthy dirty octagon shaped tile in the floors with the human waste that had been left there by people like me and I can remember today the loneliness and the degradation that I felt when I said these things. And I can also remember today the thing that happened in my life that morning on December the 8th, 1955. I can't explain it, but I know what it was. And you know, I think today that if I had not have possessed that little piece of white velvet called a conscience that's buried deep within the soul of man, that I would still be drunk. and I think that conscience is what drove me to the point of surrender and I don't think that's what I did subconsciously surrender to the God of my understanding that morning I don' t think I don''t think that there was anything fabulous or uncommon that happened to me that hasn't happened to a lot of people over their lifetimes But this time it happened to me. I don't think that I discovered any new or unusual substance of a God greater than ourselves that morning than anyone else. I think He was there all the time. I think that the love of God lives within man. and I don't think it makes any difference where you're at if you're sincerely looking for sobriety the kind of sobrietry that we have in this fellowship and you turn your will and your life over to the care of God without any reservations there ain't no doubt about what you'll get and I can't do that for anyone else but Jim Hawkins I didn't discover anything new. I just uncovered something that had been living within me all the days of my life. I think as much as I was capable of doing so that morning, I worked the first three steps of this program. I had admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, but I never admitted that my life was unmanageable. And I guess I did that when I asked God for help. My life is still unmanageable, just probably more than it was 27 1⁄2 years ago. But I know what to do about it today. I know about that solution that old Tom was talking about last night and Joe has talked about the other day and CD talked about yesterday and Mickey talked about it, and John, and all the others. The solution. I thought for many months after that day that I'd had a spiritual awakening. There's an old boy from West Texas who told me the difference between an awakening and an experience. An experience is something that comes to pass. It comes and it goes. Awakening is something that comes and it stays. I had a spiritual experience in that hotel room that morning. I was transformed from the world of nothingness into a world of belief, a worldof love and companionship. And I knew that, that day. I went back to my room and went down the hall the other direction And I called my sponsor, one of them I had called him on several occasions that previous two or three weeks that I was there He lived about 12, 15 miles south of Bessemer Which made him about 20 to 25 miles from Birmingham him. A.J. had come after me 15, 20 times while I'd been in that hotel, he says, and by the time he'd get there, I'd changed my mind. So that morning, he told me one day, he said, Jim, I'm going to get fired. How about leaving me alone until you get ready to get sober? And then call me, and I'll be glad to come and get you. Be glad to come and gets you." So that morning I called, and it was during the week. It was on a Thursday, and A.J. was supposed to be at work. But when I'm, when I dialed his number, A. J. picked up the phone. I said, A J., this is Jim. He says, yeah, I know Jim. You're ready aren't you? Wonder how he knew that. I wonder how he knew that. He said, yes, Jim, I know that and then you're ready, aren't you? And I said, I sure am. Please come and get me. So he came and got me and he took me home and he put me to bed. He put me to bed because he loved me and he went back out in the living room and he talked this beautiful lady into staying with me a little longer I remember one night talking about staying with me a little longer I remember one night I'd been gone I'd be away too long you've heard that old song well I'd have been away too long I called her and I was on the defense and I said I'll tell you what I think I'll do I think I'll just leave you and if you don't mind I'll come on pack my clothes and I'll just get out she said you just come on home old buddy, they're already packed and they're on the front porch. Don't try that. So instead of going home to Mama, I'd run away from home at the age of 30. I'll tell you another mistake I made too. I went and rented an apartment for a month. Put in a month's rent in advance. I stayed over there one night. I was back out there at the house from then on until she let me come home. begging and pleading and screaming and kicking and anything to get back to the house. So don't make the mistake of leaving your non-alcoholic spouse because they might take you up on it. But A.J. talked her into staying. And he put me in this back room and I had fits for eight or nine days and I won't go into them because you've heard about them kind of fits we have, you who haven't had any. If you haven't Haddy, you ain't lived. Boy, I'm telling you, you can have them in Technicolor and 3D and everything. You don't need any glasses either to have them 3D. But after several days of this, I came out of the room and came out front. Mickey said, there's a meeting tonight. Are you going? And I said, yes, ma'am. You see, yes ma' am. And she said, I am going with you. And I wish you wouldn't. and she said okay peggy called me said jim there's a meeting tonight i'll come by and get you and i said no you won't i'll be there raleigh called now that's peggy's husband said we'll come i said no you want jj call george call we'll cover no let me do it i had to do this and you know what I'm talking about, this is something I had to do. And I drove down to that meeting room and I drove up in front and it was cold. And I sat in my car for about five minutes after the meeting was started. And I was just about as nervous and apprehensive and fearful as I was when I first came up here today. I was so hesitant about going into the meeting, but I knew that I had to go. I knew this was something I had do. And I walked into the meeting and you come in from the room just like this room, the podium up front. All seven or eight of our members were sitting down front. George was conducting things. In fact George conducted all the things. But he stopped the meeting. That's not good for a drunk's ego. He stopped the meetin'. Well, let me tell you what they did. They wasn't having much success with the folks in that Bessemer group at that time. George stopped the meeting and everyone in that group came over to me and they either put their arm around me, or they shook my hand, and they said the thing that we've always wanted all of our lives. They said, welcome home, Jim. We love you, boy. I didn't know about this. I didn't go back these things. That was my third spiritual experience. The one in the the one when I called A.J., and the one when I walked back in the club room. I started trying to live the program to the very best of my ability. I don't know how much that is. I have no idea how much ability I have. I no more know how much I can do then I know how much I can receive. I just know that I've been sold for 27 and a half years. And I think there's been times in my life, I think There's Been Times in My Life Without a Doubt that have been right on the edge of going over. And it scares me to death. And I start running. I start runnin'. I don't know if you've ever experienced that. I've been in some terrible messes. I accepted a position with the federal government one time to enhance my career and make a lot of money. I was a contractor with the central government providing consultation. I was an all-time consultant traveling all over the country, and I was away from my wife. And she talked about some of the problems we went through a few years ago. Now, this was when I had about 17, 18 years of sobriety. And it almost wrecked our marriage. I love that gal more than I love me. You know, I'm crazy about me. And I quit that job, and I didn't have one. I was 50 years old, andI quit it. I didn'y know what I was going to do. But I've got a better one now than I had then These are some of the things that's happened As a result of trying to work this program Not really working it Trying to work it to the best of our ability That's what it says The best of my ability I used to get mad after I got to be secretary of the group Everybody's got to get to be Secretary of the Group George can't go on forever running it You know We've all got to have a shot at it That's one of the greatest ambitions. When we come into Alcoholics Anonymous, if we could be sober 10 years, the first 10 weeks, then everything would be fine. But we can't do it. We all want to. And it was my greatest desire to run the group. So they elected me secretary and I couldn't get nobody to cooperate with me. I was talking to an old boy the other day that I'm not going to call his name. I'm looking at him. Talking about people not cooperating with you at the group level. I was just down at Peggy's, how Peggy and Raleigh's just crying my eyes out and I said they won't do nothing, they won' t do this, they won''t help me out, they won ''t cooperate and I made all these suggestions and nobody won'' t do nothing. Now, I'm going to use a word that I don''t usually use. It's not normal in my vocabulary but I'm gonna tell you what Peggy said to me and Peggy was the meanest and the ugliest woman that ever lived. I got down, she had to have a ham tied around her neck. She looked me dead in the eye and she said, who do you think you are, you flat-nosed son of a bitch? That'll put you to thinking I helped bury Peggy How many years ago was that? Six years ago? Huh? Fifty-eight God, I didn't know she'd been there Sixty-eight I helped bury Peggy in 1968 as a palm bearer. She had open-heart surgery and she didn't recover. She was the most beautiful woman I ever met. She sure was. Peggy loved me so much, she told me the truth about life. She told me to tell you the truth. She told the truth of that me. And she told the true about you. and about where we live. That's how much she loved me. That's why she called me what she did, because she had to get my attention. That's what love is. That's wat Alcoholics Anonymous is. No more, no less. That's wot it is. A couple, three years ago, I helped bury her husband, my third sponsor. And I did the eulogy for his funeral. If you don't think that'll curl your hair. I ain't never done that before. And I didn't cry. I'm the cryingest son of a gun in Blount County, and it don't bother me a bit. Sometimes I just cry all the way to work, and I'll cry all away home. And then when I get home, Mickey and I will have a cup of coffee, kiss and pat a little bit and cry some. And I don't care who knows it, because we got something. we got something and we know it and we share it with one another by golly when I was a six year old kid running up and down them mountains up in northeast Alabama I knew then I was supposed to live like I'm living today I knew it that's why I was so uncomfortable that's how I got about 31 years old because I knew I was supposed to feel like I am feeling today I almost forgot to go to the restroom a while ago before I got up here I met Mickey in the back he says where are you going I said I'm going to the can I gotta go pray see the first time I did that I hid I go to the rest room to pray now because that's where I found him you can find him wherever you're at that they're talking about in Alcoholics Anonymous is the one I'm talking about I wouldn't have listened to no other human being except another drunk but a drunk told me you can find him if you look for him and with all your heart and all your soul and turn your life over to him as you understand him and surrender without any reservations you can found him and he was right I found him and I found Him in a filthy crummy flop house restaurant and I never made a talk and I ain't never asked for anything that's really important in my entire career in this fellowship that I didn't go to a can to ask for it I feel comfortable in a can because that's where I found God because I was there and that's the only place you're ever going to find him you don't have to go to a temple you don'y have to climb no mountain you don''t have to do nothing just ask for it and sincerely meet it and by golly you'll get it that's what that book tells me you've got to be sincere you've gotta be sincere and that''s what the AA program is no more no less And I've got to tell you something in closing, and if I didn't tell you this, I've Got an Old Gal Sitting Down Here on the Front Row Looking at Me that'd shoot me if I Didn't Tell You This Story. It's a true story. First of all, I'll tell you one other thing. I've always known all my life what love was. I grew up in a home where there was an abundance of love. I didn' t know how to accept it. I didn''t know what it was. You taught me, but I didn't know then. But I know today that I grew up in a home where there was a lot of love. I had the greatest dad that ever lived. Greatest daddy that ever live. He loved me so much he almost killed me. And I withdrew from that love so much I did help kill him. And I can't tell you about that. But I knew what love was. I always have. Didn't know it. We've raised three daughters. Through the tempest teams, into womanhood, and then later into motherhood. And as a result of that, I know what happened, he says. There are three great gals, very active in Al-Anon, and grew up in Alateen. By God, you know we grew up together at our house. I don't know anything about my kids when they was kids. Don't remember nothing about them. But I'm learning with my grandkids. I'm learning with my grandkids. I didn't know nothing about babies until the grandbabies started coming because I wasn't there. And for 39 years, we've been married 38, for 39 year I've had the greatest... Hell, you know she's the prettiest. You saw her up here yesterday. The greatest and the most tremendous, inspirational, loving wife that ever walked down the pike that's been right there with me. Stuck with me all the way through everything and I've done everything just like these old boys and it's gone before me it's told you I've don't know I've not done everything that a man can do she forgave me and she stayed and she loved me by golly as a result of that I know what satisfaction is and when you put all them things together you put love and satisfaction and happiness together. It only leaves one other substance, and that's wealth. And brother, I am a wealthy man. And the wealth that I possess doesn't have any dollar marks behind it. And we don't need that. The wealth that i possess is the kind that you can't reach in your back pocket or get your checkbook and write a check on. It's the wealth of love and fellowship. love and fellowship that you've given me and she's given me and the God of my understanding has given me. And you can't beat it. That's what AA is all about. No more, no less. There's a land that's a long ways from here where there's two great bodies of water One of these bodies of water is the most beautiful and breathtaking scenery on earth the people several people have traveled hundreds of thousands of miles to gaze into the water of this sea this sea is fed by a river and for every drop of water that flows into this sea a drop flows out and it flows further south and empties into another great body of water now this second sea is filled with salt it's stagnant and it's very unattractive and the only way for this water to escape out of the second sea is through seepage or evaporation. Everything it takes, it keeps. That's known as the Dead Sea. The first one is known as the Sea of Galilee. It gives in proportion to what it receives. and it lives, and it's beautiful. I think that's the story of Alcoholics Anonymous. I think the Sea of Galilee is the story of Alcoholic Synonymous because it gives everything that it receives. I don't want to be a dead sea. I don' t want to b e a dead se a d. and with your help and the help of God in my understanding I won't have to be if I'll do my share you know if I didn't know what makes AA work I'd know right now I'd no right now if I did not if I already know and the way I would know is by looking into your eyes because I can see it. I can see it in yours and I can see it in yours and I can see it in yours. It's the essence of Almighty God. Thank you. Thank you so much, Jim. Please remain standing, but I do want to say one thing before we dismiss with the Lord's Prayer.