Jack S. at the 1st Blue Ridge Retreat – 1965

About This Speaker Tape

1st Blue Ridge Retreat -

A high-flying corporate climber in Pittsburgh spent seventeen years chasing a ghost of stature drinking in the luxury hotels of the William Penn and the Nixon to rub elbows with the men of power. He lived in a squirrel cage of inadequacy masking a deep sense of unworthiness with a veneer of ego and a desperate need to be discovered by the right person. The wreckage includes a series of fraudulent checks a descent into 10-cent beers in plush-lined sewers and four suicide attempts. Change arrives not through a sudden epiphany but through a total collapse of his internal machinery and a desperate belly-sliding prayer on the floor of his bedroom. He moves from the isolation of a man who wouldn't cross the street unless the buck was on the other side to a life defined by the unexpected trust of strangers in Oklahoma.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Jack S. opens with a tribute to the Echo Point Group in Wheeling, West Virginia.
• 3:15 Discussion of the 'veneer' of recovery and the rationalizations used to avoid the alcoholic label.
• 7:40 The 'squirrel cage' of inadequacy and the drive to be 'discovered' by men of stature.
• 12:20 The 'English weekend' and the physical collapse of not eating for days.
• 16:45 Laughter: The 'Wheaties' logic and the absurdity of the 'grain and water' theory.
• 19:10 The cycle of writing bad checks and driving to Newcastle to cash them.
• 22:30 Step 2: The mental insanity of imagining he had elephantiasis and cataracts.
• 26:10 The humiliation of the unemployment line and the need to be drunk to stand among 'peasants'.
• 31:40 The decision to call AA and the 20 minutes of hesitation before picking up the phone.
• 35:20 The first meeting and the immediate identification with others' stories.
• 38:10 The first prayer: sliding across the bed on his belly to avoid the streetlight shadow.
• 43:50 A story about a stranger in Oklahoma and the realization of practicing principles in all affairs.