Internals Cannot Be Healed by Externals – Dick H.

About This Speaker Tape

February 2004, in the misty rain of Cherokee County. A Lincoln Mark 8 sags in a ditch, and Dick H. stands beside it, finally admitting that he has no history of calling a cab. For forty years, he operated with a Texas-sized ego that was as fragile as a soap bubble, using liquid courage to mask a paralyzing shyness. From the segregated streets of Montgomery to flying missions in Laos, he chased the high of "beef eaters" gin and the prestige of a lieutenant colonel's rank, believing he could reinvent himself through external achievements.

He discovered that internals cannot be healed by externals. After a DUI and a night of sobbing in terror, he walked into a clubhouse with half-painted concrete floors and swayback tables. Through the 12 steps and a Higher Power, he stopped being a "dry horse thief" and addressed the fear that drove him. Today, the shame has lifted, and the wreckage of a dysfunctional marriage and a truncated career has been replaced by a reality based on the solution.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Dick H. introduces himself and discusses his upbringing in segregated Montgomery, Alabama.
• 4:15 The first taste of 'liquid courage' and the discovery of the physical allergy to alcohol.
• 9:30 The 'Beef Eaters' gin story and the culture of heavy drinking in the Air Force.
• 15:40 Flying missions in Laos and the disconnect between professional success and internal wreckage.
• 22:10 The collapse of his first marriage and the 'negotiating advantage' of a quick divorce.
• 28:00 The DUI in Cherokee County and the 'moment of clarity' in the misty rain.
• 35:20 First meeting at the Howe Place and the terror of having to quit drinking.
• 42:10 Discussion on the necessity of hitting bottom and the danger of being a 'dry horse thief'.
• 50:45 The Socratic method of sponsorship with Jim H. and the importance of writing the steps.
• 56:10 Step 7: The removal of fear and the lifting of shame.
• 62:30 The 12th Step and the 'road of happy destiny' as a lived reality.