Instincts and Spiritual Principles – BB Study 1 – Part 1 of 2 – David L.

Good thing. Why don't we do some introductions? I'm John, I'm an alcoholic. I'm Molly, I am an alcoholic Hi Molly Hi Eric Hi Maddie James, alcoholic James, alcoholic Katie, alcoholic Brittany, supporter Hello Brittany Lucas, alcoholic Leo, alcoholic Jason Slater, alcoholic. Jason Slager, alcoholic So this is a big book study we will be opening the book Alcoholics and Obvious I don't have any power and I don' t have any conditions so I'm going to go to page 568 and I'm going to remind myself what those conditions are and then ask this power for this group to help us get these conditions. So he starts off about six lines down, and he says most emphatically. So emphatic is a serious and strong statement, but it wasn't serious or strong enough, so he used an enhancer. Most emphatically. It's on page 570 if you have the third edition. Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly, so there's the conditional word, facing his problems so God's not limited to drugs and alcohol. Facing his problems in the light of our experience So where's the experience? In the book. Very good. Can't recover. Is there any cure to addiction? No. No cure to addiction. But he's telling me that I can recover. So that's a pretty bold statement in the face of a disease that has no known cure. And he's really talking about addiction, the big five of addiction today. Drugs and alcohol, food, sex, work, and money. So if you take away the first one, I'll go to the next one. If you take way the next on, I keep going. When it gets to the end, I go back to the beginning. But I'd really rather be doing them all at once. Right? And what are those? The big five are really our instincts, aren't they? They're our instincts. We have a social, security, and sex instinct. And I'm running my life on instincts and producing my own guilt and I don't understand why. It's because deep down inside of me I have this fundamental idea of God or truth. And I am running my wife on my instincts and it doesn't turn out very well because I am looking outside. You see where my fingers are pointing? I am working outside to fix that which is wrong inside and it doesn't work that way. There has never been enough of the world of the world to satisfy the wantless inside of me. What's missing in that equation? God. God's missing in that question. That's the problem. So he says provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts since I'm here to apply a spiritual solution to a physical and mental problem that has no known cure that might be important. That might be important. He says, what will defeat me is an attitude of intolerance which means I don't want to hear what you have to say or a belittling denial if you say that again I'm going to get mad. Then you just have to be as smart as a houseplant. We find that no one need to have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. The houseplant knows to turn to the power that sustains or it dies. So then he says, Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery but these are indispensable. What is indispensable? Father, help us to be open to all spiritual concepts. Keep from us any attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. Grant that measure of willingness, honesty and openness and open mindedness we need as we seek your truth for the path of those who laid it down before us. Use me, Father, as your instrument to carry your message and not mine. Amen. So, we are dealing with principles. What's a principle? Gravity. Doesn't matter who drops the book. The same thing will happen. In Outlaw Synonymous, we're dealing with spiritual principles. Spiritual principles are truths or laws that govern the spirit. I'm spirit. You're spirit. We're all spirit. Which is exactly the problem. and the solution, by the way. I go back to that which is natural. I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. What's natural for me is to have access to unlimited power and love. That's what's natural. In this human experience, I don't have any power. When I try to go back to what's normal, what's not natural for many causes a lot of problems. The problem is in here. It's manifested in untreated alcoholism. Problem with personal relationships, can't control my emotional nature, afraid of measuring depression, can't make a living, feeling uselessness, couldn't seem to be of real help to other people, I'm restless, irritable and discontented, filled with shame, fear, guilt and remorse, suicidal sometimes, homicidal other times. why do you think I have to put the fire out? I have to put that fire out. So spiritual principles are truths or lies that govern the spirit and the world of the spirit is equal absolutely. What do I mean by that? Can you lie to God? Can you steal from God? I've tried. If you can figure out a way to do it in success, well, let me know. I've not been able to do that because God never paid the price. I did. I always pay the price, so we'll run through the point where we're at. What did we get from the doctor's opinion? Two or three pieces. Yeah, three pieces The doctor's opinion if you really study the doctor's opinion will give you step one A real solid step one He says I have this phenomenon of craving I'm allergic When I put it in it's on Okay I'm different There's only about 10% of us on the planet but I know I have it I can't safely do that under any conditions If it was just physical, then stay away. Simple, right? Well, that's not my history either. And if I'm allergic to something that will kill me, I would certainly stay away from it. So if I am allergic to bees, I don't run around looking for them. But that is exactly what I do with alcohol. So there has got to be something more than physical. There is something wrong with the way I think about this physical piece. Because I believe in what I think it's doing for me I don't want to acknowledge what it's doing to me and everybody around me so there's something wrong with the way I think about it, and what is an obsession? a fake thing that's sent to the mind over and over and again a thought or idea that overcomes anything to the contrary and that thought or ideas is a lie so in my own experience at some point I got a sense of ease and comfort I drink for the effect and I remember that's a good definition for addiction remembering success and in my own history I have built a mountain of evidence that said this didn't turn out very well and I believe the thought or idea can I just take one don't I deserve a break just once right and I act on it and if you go against your own experience, that's a form of insanity, right? Especially when you're as old as I am and you have this big mountain of evidence and you believe the little thought or idea and you take action on it. Okay? So he goes on to say that I'm restless, irritable, and discontent. The obsession is set while drinking and at some point I either tape off or I actually come to. Right? And when I come to, that's my state of... I'm restless, irritable, and discontent. You've taken away what makes me feel good. Or I've run out, heaven forbid. Physically, I've been restless. Mentally, I'm being irritable. But deep down inside of me, I'm discontented because I'm separate from that which created me. And I'm telling you that condition will be treated. It demands to be treated." So, distilled spirits, spiritual experience or a rope a knife, a gun or a razor's leg but I can't take that kind of pain that's step one I'm the problem step two is the solution step one is the problem step two's the solution step three is the decision to apply a practical program of action as a solution to the problem and the problem solved the problem is correctly identifying the problem because if I don't correctly identify the problem, I will apply the wrong solution and I'll have a misinformed program of action. It won't solve the problem. So, brings us up to that decision. We made a decision in three and that decision is a spiritual covenant to go steps four through nine to get into a spiritual condition. That's what a third step decision is. And so last time, we covered resentment. We covered resentments in the fourth step. So the first part of a house cleaning, a vigorous program of action, 439 is step four. And in step four, the first piece, the number one offender is resentments. Well, I first have to be convinced that any life run on self-will could hardly be a success, right? Isn't that the first requirement? The first requirement. So, anybody know how this book came into being? Bill wanted to change his big book and we owned it and said, hell no, so you can write an addendum. Nice. So this is an addendum. This is not a set of directions. This is in addition to the set of direction because we own this. And he wanted to rewrite it. And they said, no, you're helping too many people. You're not rewriting it. If you want, you can have an addendum. And there's some good stuff in here. And we use it as a reference. In addition to, not instead of. Does anybody want one? Do you have any photos with you? Page 42. now Bill Wilson was taught if you use the same word to describe something repeatedly you're showing a lack of intelligence and education so he uses the word instincts 18 times he talks about the instincts 26 ok but to use the same word 18 times is pretty significant for somebody who is taught not to repeat yourself. So we're going to cover just a few paragraphs of this. Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them, we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't depopulated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another, there would been no society. So these desires for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship are perfectly necessary and right and surely God-given. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions powerfully, blindly, many times subtly they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. our desires for sex for material and emotional security and for an important place in society often tyrannize us tyrannizes when thus out of joint a man's natural desires cause him great trouble practically all the trouble there is no human being however good is exempt from these troubles nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities. Ouch! Step four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been and are. We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves by discovering what our emotional deformities are. We can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is still out of reach. Before tackling the inventory problem in detail, let's have a closer look at what the basic problem is. Simple examples like the following take on a world of meaning when we think about them. Suppose a person places sex desire ahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urge can destroy his chances for material and emotional security as well as his standing in the community. Another may develop such an obsession for financial security that he wants to do nothing but hoard money. Going to the extreme, he can become a miser or even a recluse who denies himself both family and friends. Nor is the request for security always expressed in terms of money. How frequently we see a frightened human being determined to depend completely upon a stronger person for guidance and protection. This weak one, failing to meet life's responsibilities with his own resources, never grows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. In time, all his protectors either flee or die, and he is once more left alone and afraid. So that's faulty dependence on people, places, and things rather than dependence on God, right? So the instincts are the problem. They're not the solution. and it's kind of interesting that he used four pages to talk about resentments and how to deal with those. One page on fears, one page on harms. So he uses twice as much space on resentments as he does fears and harms combined. Now he's taught when you need to know more who gives you more information when you don't need as much, he doesn't write as much. So it's a pretty strong reason why he wrote twice as much about resentment than fear and harm combined because the bulk of the work is in the resentments. So, what did we find out about resentment? Number one offender from its stem all forms of spiritual disease. We've been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. I mean, it really goes back to the three pertinent ideas. Really? Are you really broken? I can't start because of what happens physically, and I can' t stop because of whats going on mentally. That's hopeless according to this book, and my only hope is the maintenance and growth of a wisdom experience with God. That's my only hope. I'm the problem, I'm broken, I've broken today, God is the solution, what's the problem with anything else in this book? If you're an alcoholic like I'm an alcoholic, my instincts are the problem. My instincts are not the solution. so down on the bottom of 67 we're going to look at fear it says notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown and Mrs. Jones the employer and the wife this short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives it was an evil say evil backwards live it was an evil and corroding thread so if I'm to live I need to be rid of the evil and corroding thread which is the fear bound in fear I can't live make sense so the fact is that those it said in motion that evil and crowding spread the fabric of our existence was shot through with it the fabric the spiritual fabric of my life is shot through with the fear and that fear set in motion trains of circumstances that brought me misfortune that I felt they didn't reserve and those trains of circumstances have been overwhelmingly negative trains of circumstances in my own experience in life so if the world of the spirit is equal absolutely and it's been this way then what is the solution I need to get busy setting some positive trains of circumstances in motion that's where it comes from if it's gone this way and it has, in my own inventory it has been thisway most of my life because I have determined to my own satisfaction that I have in fact been spiritually sick most of that life and by virtue of that fact alone I have negatively impacted virtually everybody I've ever come in contact with because the world of the spirit is all connected I'm as connected to you as I am my mom who isn't here anymore or any of those others who have gone before or the neighbor over there or over there we're all connected I'm the one that limits the world of the Spirit. I'm not the one I'm just the one that limits it. Then stop. Stop limiting the power of God. My small mind is the one that limits us. So, but did not we ourselves set the ball rolling? So whether it was conscious or unconscious does it make a difference? It's worse when it's conscious but it's whether I'm driving a getaway car or I'm holding a gun, right? They both go to prison. Self-constructed, by the way. Self-constructed prison. Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with feeling. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Here's an important point. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? So self-reliance is lack of power. Self-reluance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it did not fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way. We think so. For we are now on a different basis. the basis of trusting and relying upon God. Where do we get that? Step three. We trust infinite power, infinite God, all power, rather than our finite selves. Finite is no power. We are in the world to play the role He assigns, just to the extent that we do what we think He would have us and humbly rely upon Him. Does He enable us to match calamity with serenity? It doesn't say that life won't happen. Match calamity with serentity. It's not a question of if but a matter of when life happens. And my humble reliance on Him that I get to match whatever happens in life with some level of serenity. You know, even about my history, just getting sober, the people that I'm running around with, I needed a safe place to be and then went to prison. Right? Some level of Serenity So, we never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality and the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The birth of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead, we let Him demonstrate through us what He can do. We ask Him Who are we asking? God. To remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once we commence to outgrow fear. so simple is better what is fear so I don't trust God when I have fear I'm not trusting God that's the problem isn't it so then how do you turn that around and how do you do that you can say that but how do you do that and whatever fear it is you ask God to remove it and you walk through the fear if you can't walk through the fear your God might not be big enough you can borrow mine right because this is a program of action it's not about sitting around marinating in it I tried it I'm not pointing any fingers except at me I've tried it come on Dave I like just doing my stuff it brings me attention when I'm humbling well more power to you or less power to him whatever that works so the action is in a working relationship with that which created me see it's kind of like the five C's confidence is you talking to me and I can see it's possible. Confession is inside of me. Conviction is me telling you. And conversion is me making amends. Conversion is the action. Right? So, the fear is the acknowledgement that it's there. So, at first you have to have the confidence. I acknowledge that it is there. I talk to my God. Right? And the conversion is the action that comes out of that. And then carrying the message to you. That's the five C's. Right? Any other questions about fears? Kind of one little simple piece there. I have a question. It says at the bottom of the paragraph we just read, We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. I find it kind of interesting that it says that instead of direct our attention to what He would have us do. Which is like the conversion, isn't it? Yeah. It is the relationship with God because it's the internal part. It's not saying run to your sponsor, you know what I mean? It's Not saying run and do anything. It's saying it's already in you. You already have it. Utilize it. That's a great point because there's a whole lot of fellowship sobriety out there. Right. I mean, at the end of the day, the door's going to close. Or the bathroom's going to close if you're in a relationship. Whatever. Right? But it's going to be you. And that which created you. In the end, that's where the answer must come. It doesn't mean that I don't talk to my sponsor and I don' t have a fellowship that's around me that I talk to. I do. But in the end the ultimate decision comes in my relationship with God. Really, in the end, that's where it comes from. I mean, I... I have for the last two years felt a conscious contact with my mom. I've felt a spiritual, mental and emotional connection. I've actually felt my mom and yesterday I got emotional started crying and I called my sponsor I feel lonely I mean, I've got hundreds of people around me literally and I feel alone he says, well you're alone there's a little rocket scientist there and then it dawned on me two years ago yesterday I finished the steps with him and had a burning bush spiritual experience. January 12th, two years ago, my mom took her last breath. Today's the anniversary of my mom's death. And as much as I can feel a connection to my mom, I can't go hug her. I can not go by and see her. And I miss her. It has taken two years. But I love my mom. and so what I get to do is to take the love that I feel and carry that love to you to sit down with you as you walk towards that which created you right to give what they gave to me all of them because it's really the practical, the literal application of the prayer of St. Francis it really is Lord make me a channel of thy peace where there is hatred may I sow love where there is wrong may I bring the spirit of forgiveness where there's discord may I spring harmony where there may I bring truth where there doubt may I bring faith where there despair may I bring hope where there are shadows may I shine light and where there is sadness may I bring joy Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted to understand rather than be understood to love rather than belive for it is in self-forgetting that one finds it is inforgiving that one is forgiven and it is in dying that one awakens to eternal life. What happened on January 11th was I was crushed and went and had this spiritual experience and realized that God loved me. He loved me so I could get sober. He didn't love me until I got sober. He lovedme so Icouldgetsober. Everything, good and bad. And I can't get what I won't give in this program because what He did for me is what I must learn to do with you. It's easy to love the good in people. That's really easy to do. The challenge is in loving the seemingly not so good. Right? Unconditional positive regard. Exactly who you are right now not who I believe or think you should be or what you should do exactly who you are right now because I'm no different than anybody here I'm exactly like you exactly, I'm not better than I'm nowhere than I'm none smarter than what I am is one of you I am just like you so I have determined that I've been spiritually sick and that's why we do this stuff he's going to talk about sex and in here he's gonna throw in harms I mean we'll go on with that part now about sex many of us needed a tuna an overhauling there but above all we try to be sensible on this question, it's so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes, absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex, who bewail the institution of marriage and think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. It's not between me and you. It's between you and your God. None of my business. If you're comfortable with it, have at it. Just ask yourself, is this what God would have me do? We all have sex problems. Not some of us. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? We've reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom have we hurt? How do we harm people? In what ways do we harm them? Spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. And some of the more damaging harms aren't physical. Did we unjustifiably around jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault? What should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. In this way, we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test, was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised and loathed. whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willy to make amends where we have done harm. Provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble. Does this mean... Or stumble or slip? I don't know. Does it mean we're going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. but this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and we will have learned our lesson. If we're not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. To sum up about sex, we earnestly pray for the right ideal for guidance in each questionable situation for sanity and for the strength to do the right thing if sex is very troublesome we throw ourselves the harder into helping others we think of their needs and work for them this takes us out of ourselves it quiets the imperious urge when to yield would mean heartache really you know when I did my inventory I have masses of resentments because the way I was taking through the steps is I told my life story and I wrote my inventory resentment, fears and harms so I have this whole mass of freaking resentments that I believe what people did to me and the key in resentment is the moment I damage your God relationship it doesn't qualify as a resentment anymore I have to take responsibility for my actions So the moment I'm offensive in the relationship, it changes it from a resentment to a harm. And so all of these resentments I had go down and change into harms. For somebody like me, that's crushing. It was absolutely necessary to be crushed at that kind of depth. Because the fact of the matter is this God demands rigorous honesty, and that's the truth. I was offensive in most of those relationships. At some point I was. and it doesn't matter what they did. At the point that I'm offensive, I've got to clean my part. At that point, I've gotta take responsibility because I've been shifted away from the world of the world into the relationship with God. Even if it's the poison of hate that's coursing through my body, I've GOT to get it out of my body. I have to because my focus is now on this relationship, right? So then he hit me with the fear thing and that was devastating. Pretty profound experience. So much so that by the time I get to harms and there's a lot of them because all those resentments are changed to harms, right, and the other harms that I had, I'm like, oh, he told me. I get done and he says, wow, you've harmed a lot people. That wasn't the first time. It wasn't the second time. It was the third time in this sobriety I heard that. I heard it from the judge that sentenced me. I heard if from my first teacher when I came home from prison, and I heard from him. More than hearing it, I knew it was truth. I knew if was truth, and so in the end, 4 through 9 is the solution, and I'm not inventorying anything. I'm not taken through that process. Resentments, fears and harms so that when I get to the amends part I'm going to take the five bagger. What do I mean by a five bagder? It's the exact nature of my wrongs. I have been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened and inconsiderate. So I went out and did a couple of them today. My old business partner he was there when I crashed and burned. His wife supported me through prison and she invited me to LinkedIn or whatever that was on the internet and put me up on Facebook and I wrote a letter of amends to her and she said, yeah, it wasn't me and you. It was between you and him because they're exes now. And I tried calling him several times but I'm not getting a return phone call. So I go and see him today after the noon meeting and walk in and there he is in the office. My mic has gone. And we sit down and start talking about all this stuff and it's not what I think. The fact is he didn't know who he could trust because I was talking with her and with him and he just wiped it clean, right? And I'm trying to figure out how do I get in with this one? How do I Get In With This One? Toward the end of the conversation I said, you know Mike, I've determined to my own satisfaction that I have, in fact, been spiritually sick most of my life. And by virtue of that fact alone, I've negatively impacted everyone I've ever come into contact with. And if that's happened with you, I'm very sorry for my actions. I need you to know I've been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened, and inconsiderate. And if ever there's anything I can do to help in any way, Mike, Mike, you know, I'll be there. And he hugged me. Because it really isn't about him. And it really is about how much God you want. Right? Because this is the walk with the power. It's not the walk of the people. It's the walk with the relationship with God. And my sponsor told me on Monday, do you want more power? Make more amends. If you want more power to come into your life, make more amens. Because every one of those things are binding in my soul. And I don't know which one of them is the straw in the nest, I really don't. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I'm convinced my only hope is the maintenance and growth of an experience with God. That's what does matter. So one amend leads to the next one and you just keep going, right? Sometimes I move through the process and at other times I am moved through the process. The point is to move through the progress. To move through the process. To move through the process. So, he's going to summarize this chapter and this next paragraph or two. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, thorough, hmm, so much about giving me the highlights. We've been thorough about our inventory. We have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have began to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. How? It's self-imposed. These resentments, fears, and harms of what I've done. I didn't do that. I did that to me if you have already made a decision step three an inventory of regressor handicaps we've made a good beginning that being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself wow did you catch that? because the fact is is that Don didn't do that to me. My sponsor didn't do that too. As I walked this path with him, I started seeing the truth about me. It's not for him to cram it down my throat. It's for me to see and oh, I remember that moment that means everyone I know what that means that means everything that's a lot of people that's for me to see and once you know the truth then you get a fire lit because you got to get busy so chapter 6 is into action and I usually change how this is read because it's in 4 and 5 together Dr. Bob led people through the steps, he didn't give them a packet of papers and say go fill them out and come back when you're done, he sat down with the sponsee and they went through the steps together and so don't exactly do it the way this is here I sit down with people and we tell the life story and we write the inventory that's what the book says it said we went back through our lives nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty it said we listed, we put it on paper people, principles and institutions with whom we were angry we asked ourselves why we were angry. Column one, column two. We write that part. Resentments, fears and harms. Does it really say that we tell a life story? Treatment centers want you to write a biography. That's not what this says. Having made our personal inventory, what should we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects. Wehave ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which when completed will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the fifth step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter. This is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. So much for journaling. Solitary self- appraisal? You're going to take the sick mind and put it on the paper and try to figure out the sick mine with the sick vine? What have you got to look at? The sick mind with the thick vine. That's a problem. But when we write it down in charity, aren't we sharing it with another sick mind that's trying? hopefully that's fine is to have a spiritual experience and can help you see some truth many of us thought it necessary to go much further we will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so the best reason first if we skip this vital what is vital? life sustains step we may not overcome drinking time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. So they thought they could lie, cheat or steal from God. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably, which is in every case, they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, oh, they even made amends. They wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their house cleaning. They took inventory alright, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought that they had lost their egoism and fear. They only though that they had humbled themselves, but they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story. So that's what we do. More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He's very much the actor to the outer world who presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it. The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to the sense that she has revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. That doesn't have to be drunk either, does it? As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension, and that makes for more drinking. Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of dollars for examinations. We know of a few instances where we have given these doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth, nor have we followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery. Right? Show me the money. I don't care what you say. Yeah, at that point. So, we need to put this next couple of paragraphs into context. The book came out in April 1939. It is a mail order book. There are three meetings on the planet. New York, Akron, and Cleveland. You pay $3.50 plus shipping. They send it to you. You get a seven day money back guarantee. sit on an alcoholic shelf for months before they really read it, right? But anyways, you're supposed to follow these directions and recover. So these directions are written at a time when there isn't a meeting in Sacramento. There's only three on the whole planet. So you've got to figure out some way that you can take a fifth step. Now people take this thing out of context and they take the next couple of paragraphs and they thought, well, between choosing the person or persons, well, I've got to get five motel rooms and put people in each one of them and you do multiple fist-ups one right after the other after the another. It's just so far out of what this was intended. Maybe it works for some people. I don't know. But I know that he's giving us directions when there aren't sponsors and meetings in every corner. There's plenty of sponsors today. So we must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. Rightly and naturally we think well before choosing the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of us belonging to a religious denomination, which requires confession, must and of course will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk to someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such persons quick to see and understand our problem singular what is the problem? lack of power what does that create? self-will lack of power is my problem that means I'm separated from that which created me that is the problem separated from that which created me when that problem has been solved that power solves all the other problems not me Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics and I wrote in, stay away from them. Stay away. So he's going to give us some conditions that are necessary for you to hear someone's fifth step. If we would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance or a closed mouth understanding friend. First two conditions. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person, it may be one of our own family but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no right to save our own skin at another person's expense. Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand yet be unaffected. Closed mouth, understanding unaffecting. Those are the three conditions necessary to hear at this step. notwithstanding now this is the story behind this is Captain Jack Captain Jack was a standard oil merchant marine and so they're out at sea for long periods of time and they don't have anybody to do a fist up with so that's what this paragraph is intended for notwithstand the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available If that is so, this step may be postponed only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity. We say this because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is important that he be able to keep a confidence, that he fully understand and approve what we are driving at, that he will not try to change our plan, but we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone. So Captain Jack would bring cases of books with him and whenever they get to a port he'd grab a couple of books and go into the bars and he'd say when these guys start giving you too much trouble give them one of these books and have them write to me. Now Captain Jack ended up with like 350 correspondents in the mail as a merchant marine and he's overwhelmed so he calls New York and talks to Bill Wilson he says I can't do this and Bill says great, send them we'll take care of it. That's how the Loaners Internationalist was formed and it still exists today. In fact I sponsor it A merchant marine. He's out six weeks at a time. So, this next paragraph I generally change because I'm sitting down with somebody and we're going to do four and five together, so I'll change it. You have decided that I'm going to hear your story. We're goingto waste no time. We will write your inventory as we go and we will be prepared for some long talks. You don't have to explain to me what you're about to do or why you have to do it. I fully realize that you are engaged upon a life and death errand and because you have approached me in this way I will be only too glad to help in fact, I am honored by your confidence talk of our pride going to it eliminating every twist of character every dark cranny of the past once we have taken this step warning withholding nothing we are delighted there's a set of promises here right each step comes with promises we are delighted we can look the world in the eye we can be alone at perfect peace and ease our fears fall from us we begin to feel the nearness of our creator we may have had certain spiritual beliefs, mental but now we begin to have a spiritual experience a relationship the feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly we feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour carefully reviewing what we have done we thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better not that we know him but that we know him better taking this book down from our shelf it better not be on a shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last is our work solid so far are the stones properly in place have we skimped on the cement the cement is truth put into the foundation. Have we tried to make mortar without sand? So my sponsor tells me, I finished my fifth step on January 11th, and he says, you are at this point the humblest that you have ever been in your life. I want you to take your book and go up to the cemetery. They're very quiet there. I want you to open your book and follow the directions in here and he said I do need to warn you people have reported as a result of this section you're about to do that they have actual spiritual experiences sometimes within 72 hours certainly within 90 days I just don't want you to be scared so I went to the cemetery it's a cemetery where my aunt was buried I'm driving around going alright Aunt Charlene, where the heck are you? gotta be somewhere in that park let me just start walking and I could feel it I sat down and I started following these directions you ever seen the Green Mile? there weren't black flies but it was just like the Green mile I felt my spiritual, mental and emotional death that day I knew it was happening. And I follow these directions, carefully reading the first five proposals. Have I admitted anything? God, is there anything that I have left out that is blocking for me to you? There were four names. They're right here. They're erased now because they have been cleaned up. It was the most thorough inventory I'd ever done. And I get to the cemetery and there were four things that popped up. I didn't even ask. I just wrote them down. Right? I went back home and got it. So, I had this burning bush spiritual experience. I know that it's a spiritual experience, I know what I'm having it, I don't have to get past it to know exactly what's going on. And so I go to leave, and I stop at the office, and I said, I wonder, where's Aunt Charlene buried? So they give me a map. I was about ten feet from where Aunt Charlene was buried when I had my spiritual experience. Went back and talked with Aunt Charlène for a while and as I'm leaving I took a picture of it it's stuck out I'm driving out and it says on the bench I will always be with you. I will always be with you I came home and knew I needed to go see my mom that was her last night 3.57 that night she took her last breath so let's finish up with 6 and 7 it says if we can answer to our satisfaction we then look at step 6 we have emphasized willingness as being indispensable are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can you now take them all, every one? If we still cling to something that will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. When ready, we say something like this, My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. We have then completed step seven. It's kind of interesting, step six is six lines long. Step seven is seven lines long because up until that point, it's been work done with me and my sponsor. This stuff is God's job. I have been crushed to a point that I understand how selfish and how self-centered I have been. And if that is the condition in the case, and it is, then its opposite is the solution. I must be selfless and I must get busy setting some positive trains of circumstances. That's my solution. So I had been so profoundly changed in that process that I was really actually grateful to do most of the amends. Even the ones of the guy that tried to kill me or threatened to kill him. I even got that one done. I didn't design that one, but it got done. It got done because I was that convinced that I wasn't going to have anything stand between me and God. Because I can't. How can I serve you? How can it be here with you if I haven't done this stuff? I can. I pushed all my chips in at that fourth arrest on the jail cell anyways. I pushed them all in, I'm done. Whatever is left, I mean, I may not make much money ever again in my life, and that's okay. What I am going to do is come here and work with you. What I AM going to doing is share what was shared with me. In most respects, I want as far away from the world of the world as I can get and as much of God as I could have. because at some point my time here will end and I'm not leaving here without getting as busy as I can helping as many people to try to I mean that's kind of what they did to the new people in the beginning they put them under the lash they're getting busy starting to help some folks and they paid for this program blood, sweat, tears and their lives that's what they did for us and so I honor what they did and the things that I do. I'm not here to judge anybody, I'm here to walk with everyone else. Thank you for spending your time. Any questions? No? And we'll close in the usual manner.