Insidious Insanity and AA History – BB Workshop – Part 14 of 14 – Bill L.

And it's been truly an incredible experience. I wouldn't go shouting this from the rooftops or anything, but it's on tape, so it's probably the equivalent. I'm down 30 pounds, and I think it's a direct result of writing that inventory that I read to you guys some weeks ago. it's just incredible the power of God has once again taken me past what was my current agnosticisms some incredible stuff is going on in my life and other areas too I look forward to possibly hearing from you guys later on some of the neat experiences that have happened to you as the result of redoubling your spiritual efforts and going through this work one more time. Let's pick up where we left off last week. And like I said, that's going to be page 153. Like I said last week, it's kind of ironic. We've begun this deal with some history. If you look in the Roman numeral section, there's a lot of history. and the text portion of this book ends with history. So I'm going to cover this the best I can. I'm probably going to do a drive-by shooting of it. I'm not going to be as detailed as others may be. Barefoot Bill is just incredible with giving talks and presentations on our AA history. We were talking before the meeting started about this thing in Bernardsville I recently heard the tape, or they actually do CDs. Boy, AA has really come of age, huh? But Bill does an excellent talk, he's done it twice now, on obscure, in quotes, obscure AA history. And all that means is that history that you're really not going to hear about in our, quote, conference-approved history books that AA World Services puts out. And to me, a lot of stuff is humorous, like the first 13-step call or first 13 step, rather, and it just so happened to be on the first 12-step called to a woman. So pretty incredible stuff. stuff that maybe people in the head office, so to speak, would cringe at. But it's true stuff. Bill has the sources to back it up. And he's, you know, Chris S. has said it and I'll kind of echo it. Bill is slowly becoming one of the best archivists there are. He would probably term himself as an amateur archivist because I've never seen him make dollar one off of any of the stuff he puts out there. If you're not on Barefoot Bill's email list, get on it. He sends, I believe, two to three daily emails. And I'm sure he won't mind me giving out his email address. I do have it memorized. I don't have his phone number memorized. Thank God for Rolodexes. Bill L.'s email address is wlash, as in the lash of alcoholism, W-L-A-S-H at Avaya not Hawaii Avaya A-V-A Y-A dot com most people here have it just tell them put them on your email address his email list you'll get all sorts of neat things about history spirituality incredible stuff absolutely flyers announcements your computer will quickly your hard drive will fill up quickly my email address is we'll get to the reading at some point I'm sure MJL M as in Mike, J as in John, L as in Lawrence 221 at att.net That's my home email address. I send a lot of emails from my office account, but if you get my home email address, I'll be sure to give you my other email address as well. My phone number 973 731 1073 My birthdate, social security number and home address are to be determined. Page 153 last paragraph, bottom of the page. Years ago, and that seems like when I got started tonight. Years ago in 1935, one of our number made a journey to a certain western city. And they're talking about Bill W. going on his stockbroking adventure, which was failed by the way to Akron, Ohio. From a business standpoint, his trip came off badly. Had he been successful in his enterprise, he would have been set on his feet financially, which at that time seemed vitally important. But his venture wound up in a lawsuit and bogged down completely. The proceeding was shot through with much hard feeling and controversy. Barely discouraged, he found himself in a strange place, discredited and almost broke, Still physically weak and sober, but a few months. Bill had six months sobriety at the time. He saw that his predicament was dangerous. He wanted so much to talk with someone, but whom? One dismal afternoon he paced a hotel lobby wondering how his bill was to be paid. At one end of the room stood a glass-covered directory of local churches. Down the lobby, a door opened into an attractive bar. He could see the gay crowd inside. No, I don't think this was a gay bar in 1935. That's why I love dictionaries today. When I was a kid, you'd be hard-pressed to find me crack a dictionary. But I tell you, Alcoholics Anonymous taught me how to read. you know you look up this word gay crowd and back in 1935 all it meant was happy happy joyous and free so I guess I'm gay today in that sense and there he would find companionship and release I'm going to get busted on this tape unless he took some drinks he might not have the courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a lonely weekend. I'm sure he wouldn't be lonely if he continued to hang out in that gay bar. But, of course, he couldn't drink. But why not sit hopefully at a table a bottle of ginger ale before him? After all, had he not been sober six months now? Anyone in here say that? Well, I've been sober 6 months. I can go to the bar and just drink sody pop. They never tell you why they're going to the Bar, though. perhaps he could handle say three drinks no more fear gripped him fear griped him because he saw the truth he actually got a chance to watch his thinking remember we took a look at the tenth step about watching her thought life well bill was watching his thought life here because six months prior he had had a spiritual awakening or spiritual experience as it was at that time he was on thin ice again it was the old insidious insanity that first drink and the insidius insanity is the thought which precedes the first drink not the actual taking the drink yes we know taking the drinking is pure insanity if you're a real alcoholic but the real insanity is the thinking that precedes the first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked down the lobby to the church directory. Music and gay chatter go easy guys, still floated to him from the bar. But what about his responsibilities? His family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well. Ah yes, those other alcoholics. There must be many such in this town. He would phone a clergyman. his sanity turned his sanity returned and it's kind of funny because before the meeting we were talking about suddenly suddenly in the negative sense and this is a direct quote I'm stealing this from Bill and this the first time I'm saying this so I guess this is the first times I'm giving them credit his sanity returned and Bill says that this is positive suddenly so suddenly bill sanity returned and he thanked god selecting a church at random from the directory he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver his call to the to the clergyman and the clergymen's name was reverend walter tunks of the episcopal church his call to the clergyman led him presently to a certain resident of the town who's Dr. Bob of course who though formally able and respected was then nearing the nadir of alcoholic despair here's a little play on words if you will the word Tunk, Reverend Walter Tunk's last name. A Tunk is another word which means walk. I believe it's an old English word. I'm going for a Tunk. I am going for a walk. And the word Nadir means lowest point. So Dr. Bob was nearing his lowest point of alcoholic despair. Today we might call that bottom. It was the usual situation, home in jeopardy, wife ill, children distracted, bills in arrears, and standing damaged. I mean, to me, that's a perfect description or more of a description of the spiritual malady. home in jeopardy wife ill children distracted bills unpaid and standing damaged he had a desperate desire to stop but saw no way out for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape painfully aware of being somehow abnormal somehow abnormal the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic there's an asterisk there down at the bottom of the page In my book, it says this refers to Bill's first visit with Dr. Bob. These men later became co-founders of AA. Bill's story opens the text of this book. Dr. Bobs heads the story section. When our friend, Bill W., related his experience, the man, being Dr. Bobby, agreed that no amount of willpower he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. Where Bill and Bob actually ended up meeting together was at the gatehouse of the Seiberling estate. Dr. Bob and his wife Ann who is probably considered even though a non-alcoholic but a saint to Alcoholics Anonymous because of what she did for us in the early days was incredible but Dr. Rob and Ann were friends with Henrietta Seiberling so they shuffled off to the Cyberland Gatehouse. Dr. Bob wasn't originally going to go because Henrietta called Ann and, you know, as we probably talked about at the beginning of this thing when we covered the history early on, after Dr. Bill finally got a hold of Henrietta Cyberling, she thought this was a pure godsend that another alcoholic or recovered alcoholic was coming to help Dr. Bob because what they were doing in the Oxford groups at that time and Dr. Robb was a member of the Oxford group even before he got sober. He had been trying to get sober by spiritual means for a couple years but what they had been doing at the Oxford group is praying for Dr. Bob to get some help so when Henrietta received a phone call from Bill W she said God has answered our prayers so she set up the meeting between Bill and Bob and the rest is history so during that meeting he told how Bill told how he lived in constant worried about those who might find about his alcoholism. Actually, that was Bob. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he agreed, should he lose the remainder of his business only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he had made his livelihood. Dr. Bob was really afraid of coming out of the closet, so to speak, because he had a medical profession. He was a proctologist, and it was a flimsy medical practice at that. They were, because of his drinking, him and Ann were barely hanging on by a thread. So his biggest fear was that if his patients and the community at large found out about his alcoholism like they didn't know it already, he was just going to lose his whole practice. because people weren't going to be interested in seeing him for his proctoring services, if you will. And we're going to find out later on that because of that fear that Dr. Bob had, at first he wasn't willing to make his amends. He had another slippy coup and after that, that last drunk of Dr. Bob's was enough to convince him that he needed to do the whole program that they had at that time which by the way was the six tenants of the Oxford group and one of them, one of those tenants was amends and restitution so until Dr.Bob had another slip he wasn't willing to make his amends. And that happens to a lot of us too. Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he had made his living? He would do anything he said but that. And again, he would do everything but amends." So we're going to find out what happened to Bob because he wasn't willing to make his amends, so that's a pretty good warning to me what happens if I'm not willing to make my amends. If it's good enough for our co-founder, it's Good Enough for Me. Here's Dr. Bob's night step. And I'm grateful this is in the book because this is a wonderful example. Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. Bob's night step is coming up in the next paragraph. I'm sorry. Sometime later, and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. This is Dr. Bob's last drunk. For him, this was the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him masterly. Dr. Bob was going to a medical convention in Atlantic City, New Jersey of all places and a couple years ago they had a little spirituality breakfast deal in Atlantic city and I got to go there and it was not too far away from the train station where they pour Dr. Rob off the train or actually poured them onto the train, I think. And it was just an incredible experience to be near a place where our co-founder awakened. He awakened off his last drunk as a result of his last drink. So that was a neat experience for me. This is Dr. Bob's ninth step. One morning he took the bull by the horns. And what actually happened was they got him home from this medical convention. He was detoxing off alcohol. He had some surgery to perform, if you can imagine. He had to go proctor on some poor bastard. He was coming off of booze. You can imagine his hands were trembling. I don't know if I want anyone proctoring on my most intimate of areas if they're trembling, but this is what happened. And Bill said, listen, Bob, if you're going to go ahead and do the surgery, you've got to calm down. So he gave him a bottle of beer and that was enough to take the edge off. As far as we know, the surgery came off successfully, as far as мы знаем. But what I would like to say, whoever he operated on that morning And as far as Alcoholics Anonymous is concerned, that's probably the most famous asshole we'll ever talk about. Unbelievable. I can see why some people wouldn't laugh. So Bill gave him the beer, and what Dr. Bob said was, I'm ready to go through with this. Bill thought Bob was referring to the surgery. you schlep down a beer, boom I'm good to go, I'm ready to go through with this. What ended up happening was that what Bob really meant was he was willing to go through the rest of the process he was ready to do what he was not willing to do previously and that was to go about town and make his amends can you imagine back in those days you could complete all your amends within one town, much less one state. A buddy of mine says he still has a resentment out of our co-founders because of that. He had to make amends throughout seven different states. I was pretty fortunate. I only had a couple states that I wrecked having it. And this is what he did. but as we're going to see, what ended up happening was he didn't come home after that surgery. And what he did was he went about town and made amends, because Bill was staying with Ann and Bob in Akron. What Bill and Ann figured was that the bottle of beer triggered the allergy and Dr. Bob was off to the races. But no, what had happened was Bob had become willing to make these amends. thus starts the birthday of Alcoholics Anonymous one morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been like they didn't know alcoholism he found himself surprisingly well received yeah Bob we were waiting for you to get your act together for years now and he learned that many knew of his drinking can you imagine stepping into his car he made the rounds of people he had hurt He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in this line of business. So Dr. Bob was still fearful. But if I know anything about Dr. Robb and the early members of Alcoholics Anonymous, he probably had God in his back pocket. He probably said, God, I'm scared to death. I'm just coming off my last drunk. But I've got to do this. I know my sobriety and my life depends on cleaning up my past. So please help me. Please take away my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. And of course, what God would have Dr. Bob be was sober. And in order to get sober, Bob knew he had to clean up these amends. So that's a good lesson for me that even if I'm fearful, I can still make my amends. I can stall. I mean everywhere I am, God is there. So why am I to be afraid? At midnight he came home exhausted but very happy. He had not had a drink since. He has not had any drink since As we shall see, he now means a great deal to his community. And the major liabilities of 30 years of hard drinking have been repaired in four. Okay, let's get down to the last paragraph. Let's just continue on with that third paragraph. I'm sorry. 30 years of hard drinking had been repaired in four, but life was not easy for the two friends. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Both Bill and Bob saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse. Her name happened to be Mrs. Hall. And most of these names and dates and stats and stuff I got from Bill, our friend Barefoot Bill. So go to him for further information. They spoke to the head nurse of a local hospital. I believe that would be St. Thomas Hospital. That's where they did a lot of work with drunks in Akron. They explained her need and inquired if she had a first-class alcoholic. We don't want some third-rate drunk. We want a first-class alcoholic. Nothing but the best for us, huh? She replied, well, yes, we've got a corker. He's just beaten up a couple nurses. Nice guy. Goes off his head completely when he's drinking. But he's a grand chap when he sober, though he's been in here eight times in the last six months. Understand he was once a well-known lawyer in town But just now we've got him strapped down tight Asterisk This refers to Bill and Dr. Bob's first visit To AA number 3 AA number three was Bill Dotson See the pioneer section This resulted in AA's first group at Akron, Ohio In 1935 And Bill D's story begins on page 138 It's called AA number 3. Okay. Now let's skip over to page 159. I'm just skipping for the time factor. All good stuff in here. Please read it on your own. Page 159 Okay, they visit Bill D. in the hospital. says he had three visitors after a bit. He said, the way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I'm ready to do business. I guess the old folks were right after all. So one more was added to the fellowship. And again, this is in the summer of 1935. All this time our friend of the hotel lobby incident, Bill, remained in that town. He was there for three months. He now returned home leaving behind his first acquaintance, who was Dr. Bob, the lawyer, and the devil-may-care chap. And that's Ernie G. They referred to him in the previous pages, which we skipped. but at that time they did have four alcoholics sober on the Oxford group program of the six tenants in the summer of 1935 these men had found something brand new in their life though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober that motive became secondary it was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others these are some good directives for myself these are really good 12 step tips they shared their homes their slender resources and gladly devoted their spare hours to the fellow sufferers they were willing by day or night to place a new man in a hospital and visit him afterwards by day of night folks these folks meant business they truly went to any lengths for their recovery they grew in numbers they experienced a few distressing failures but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man's family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering this was long before Al-Anon came into the picture, so if the drunk wasn't willing, they made the pitch to the family incredible stuff they set the bar really not a drinking bar they set the spiritual bar really high back then. They set it real high for me because these are things that I can ask myself, am I currently doing today? A year and six months later, these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women happily in their release and constantly thinking, constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in the spiritual way of life. Anyone or everyone interesting in the spirit of life included the family. aside from fellowship and social ability the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems where they might bring their problems to staying sober, they might bringing their problems with the AA program I don't think what they're talking about here is bringing the problems of well my shoelace broke my cat died which by the way mine did in February but I didn't share about it in the meeting you know meetings were about a spiritual solution to the alcoholic problem that's what they were all about at that time at that times an early fellowship was which was actually still the drunkard squad of the Oxford group they met in two wonderful people's homes home, non-alcoholics T. Henry and Clarice Williams beautiful folks that do for the fledgling society of drunks what they did they weren't even alcoholics but they were members of the Oxford group so their main aim was to help anybody where they could good folks incredible talks about them a little bit in this next paragraph outsiders became interested one man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd perfect description for alcoholics if you describe me uh if you ask me i guess they are describing me Yeah, I guess being one person I can be a strangely assorted crowd Yeah, that's true Committee in the head Chatter of a thousand monkeys Has anybody I don't know where I'm getting this stuff folks Stay with me Has anyone ever been alone In the car With themselves No one else in the car But had group therapy Think about it Anyway Okay. Strangely assorted crowd. Yeah. I was on the phone. Oh man, so much for the history. I was in the phone with a non-alcoholic today, folks. Sick people these non- alcoholics are. she said that in her view I was one of the most healthy people she knew I was the one of put together people that she knew now either she's a real sick bird or she's hanging out with some lowlifes, I'll tell you but what else do you do what else do you do when a non-alcoholic or a non drug addict or a person who isn't in 12 step recovery tells you something like that and you know you say thanks I know this person pretty well so I said you're nuts but I think they're anyway at the risk of hurting her feelings by God This couple has since become so fascinated Fascinated with alcoholics I'll tell you That they have dedicated their home to the work Many a distracted wife has visited this house To find loving and understanding companionship Among women who knew her problem To hear from the lips of their husbands What had happened to them to be advised how her own wayward mate might be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled. Wayward mate, huh? Yeah. Okay. Skip down to the last paragraph of that page. Good tips here. The very practical approach to this problem is the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible you don't have to but I'm going to do a quick flip over to page 19 because it says something very similar let's see This directly hooks into the absence of intolerance Of any kind Bottom of 19 says Most of us sense that real tolerance Of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints And respect for their opinions or attitudes Which make us more useful The early members knew this Our very lives as ex-problem drinkers Depend upon our constant thought of others And how we may help meet their needs it says he and his wife, this is talking about the Williams, T. Henry and Clarice, he and His wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance in His family. They knew they had to host the new friends. It seemed that they had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles and one was to come to them. They had visioned the great reality, capital G, capital R, their loving and all-powerful creator. Man, beautiful words to describe power, higher power, God, spirit of the universe, great reality, their loving an all-powered creator. I smell another workshop. Go through the text portion of the book, start at the title page, go to page 164 and pick out every word and they're usually capitalized every word or reference that points to the word God. Neat stuff, neat stuff. Okay, 161, go to this second paragraph, 162. This is Bill Wilson's vision because he wrote this in 38-39, right? So how did he know what Alcoholics Anonymous was going to be 65, 67 years later? How did he not? The life among AlcoholicsAnonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences. Sorry, messed up again. And Bill's vision is from surrounding towns, families drive long distance to be present. A community 30 miles away has 15 fellows, Alcoholics Anonymous. That's all they had to work with back then. Bill's Vision being a large place, we think that someday its fellowship will number many hundreds. and the asterisk says it was written in 1939 Bill envisioned many hundreds he definitely saw that before he passed away in 1971 but now our fellowship is approximated at 2 million I'd say that's many hundreds but life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals cleaning up all scrapes helping to settle family differences explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other when justified. These are everyday occurrences. No one is too discredit or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially if he means business. Notice the condition there, if he mean business. Social distinction, petty rivalries and jealousies, these are laughed out of countenance. being wrecked in the same vessel, and I'm not going to go there, but that hooks back to page 17. Being wrecked in the sameness of the same vessel, being restored and united under one God with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them. How could they? Sounds like a spiritual awakening, complete shift in their consciousness where ideas and conceptions are suddenly cast to one side and a whole new belief system dominates them. Incredible stuff. Page 163, we're widening it down here. 163 paragraph 1. These are some of my favorite lines in here. Rather, the very bottom of 162. Last line, 162, Thus we grow and so can you, though you be but one man or woman with this book in your hand. Now think about this. Let's think aboutthis for ourselves. Bottom of 162 and now I'm at the top of 163. Let's put ourselves in this context, folks. Though we be but one person with this big book in our hand, we, the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you're thinking. And I get this response when I work with people, particularly when I let them know that the only thing I want in repayment for me helping you is that you help the next fellow traveler that's the only thing I expect out of you I don't want money, I don'T want credit, God forbid you give me any credit, I DON'T want anything but you to give away to the next suffering alcoholic which was freely given to you and this speaks to it we know what you are thinking you are saying to yourself I'm jittery and I'm alone I couldn't do that and this is the response that I get from people before they have completed the 12 steps you kidding me? I can't do for someone what you're doing And for me, I could never do that. I don't know this book like you do. That's probably a good thing. I think sometimes the less information we have, the more guided by spirit we are and sometimes the better job we do. But I'm scared to do that, I can't do that and what I tell them early on is don't worry about it. And sit back and watch the experience you will have. And sometimes that happens when we get through our fifth steps. We just get this thing that comes within us and it's, boom, I've got to help somebody. But if it doesn't happen in your fifth step, by God, it's going to happen in Your ninth step. And then you start doing 10 and 11 on a daily basis. Now we've got power. See, before the steps, we didn't have power to help other people. 52 tells me that I couldn't seem to be of any help to other people, of course not, I didn't know how to help others. I didn' t have power, now I got power in my life, I got the power I got in my live and now I can help others So we think that I'm jittery and I'm alone and I can't do that but the book promises, it says, but you can, you forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate with such backing what we have accomplished is only a matter of, and underline these three words, willingness, patience, and labor. I think a lot of us have the willingness. A lot of use have made great strides towards patience. but how many of us really want to take the back breaking labor that sometimes it helps that sometimes it takes to help a drunk you know I still have to be on guard with that stuff because you know sometimes the family channel 10 o'clock weeknights Drew Carey looks pretty good when a drunk is calling on the other end of the phone. But I've got to remember where I came from and just as importantly, I've Got to Remember the man who helped me and the men and women who continue to help me when I'm down and out. The man who 12-stepped me at my first AA meeting, he wasn't home watching Jeopardy. He was at the meeting. He put his hand, and I get passionate as hell when I talk about this. He put His hand out to me. I didn't have to put my hand out to Him or get on my knees or put my hands up in a meeting and say, will you sponsor me? He knew I was hurting. He knew that I was seeking for help. He said, Mike, I'll help you. I'll be your sponsor. My name is Henry. I'm an alcoholic. I'll sponsor you. I'll give you the help because He knew I wasn't capable of asking for it. I might have died if it wasn't for somebody who put their hand out to me. And that's what I try to do for the men, and yes, I dare say the women who come into our great fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes, there's great strength in men with the men and women with the women. But God has directed me in part of making my amends where I seem through stuff like this, through workshops, stuff we've done like this somehow I've seemed to be just as useful to women alcoholics as I have been to men alcoholics of course with the I never work one on one with another woman unless I have permission from my wife and unless she really doesn't have another woman to go to sometimes we run into that and it has to be done but I've had incredible experiences along those lines I'm open and willing to help anybody and I'll make the effort to do it man, woman, black, white green, yellow gay, straight transsexual although that would be a new experience I don't care who or what you are I don' t care if you got an alcoholic dog and folks we're pretty close to having one Gizmos is about alcoholic as you can get he's definitely Alan on I'm there I'm getting at a loss for words I am charged with this responsibility but more deeper than that I have this spirit within me this hunger to just do more and help people and continue to redouble my efforts And if there's one person in Alcoholics Anonymous who has this passion for helping other people more than I do, let me go on the record here and say that that's Barefoot Bill. This guy is always going somewhere, doing weekends, helping people one-on-one, doing ignorant Floridian weekends, plug, plug. I'm not going to tell you what it is. asked Bill, he's been to Delaware a couple times in the past couple months. This guy, I tell you, he'll go to the most sordid spot on earth. And again, I'll just go on a record and say that I'm blessed to have Bill in my life and to have a friend and a partner like him. Incredible. I am so far away from this book tonight, it's incredible. But I don't think I am. Second full paragraph, 163. We know of an AA member who was living in a large community. He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. By the way, this was Hank P., Hank Parkhurst from Montclair, New Jersey. Very close to home. Good old Hank P. Unfortunately, Hank didn't make it. He didn't stay sober. He stayed sober for a couple of years. He wrote Two Employers, which was the chapter we covered last week. But I tell you, if it wasn't for Hank, if it weren't for the scheming and manipulative abilities, But the businessman abilities that he had, I don't know that the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous would have ever got off the ground. I mean, they were doing stuff like phony stock certificates for a book that wasn't even published yet. I mean incredible stuff. But I tell you, it goes back to 6 and 7. Just when I think something is a defect, that God uses it and turns it into something that creates an asset. That's why in a seven-step prayer, I'm not just asking God to remove the bad. I'm asking God for the good and the bad, all of them. I don't know when my poor example is going to be another man's good example. I don't know when if I may be in a bad place and I may be in the middle of a meeting and slip on the tongue and say a bunch of cuss words which which I normally don't do but I don' and I'm not condoning this but I dont know where where that might be uniquely useful useful to a down and out drunk who can only relate to that type of language to a guy who only knows F's and A's and S's, you know? I mean, don't get me wrong. I try to... I'm cleaned up. And I try really be the best example, the best walking example in the big book that I possibly can. But I've seen situations. Bill has an excellent story where he went off on a guy on a 12-step call. He yelled at him and, And God, it's just real unlike anything I've ever seen from our barefoot friend. And he went off on this guy. And the guy went into the drug house and he came back out and he didn't get high. and he later on told bill he said you know when you went off on me something snapped within me and he broke down and the guy broke down crying bill thought he was doing a bad thing in retrospect by yelling at the guy but this helped the guy to hit an emotional and spiritual bottom and he Men go back out and use. So again, it goes back to what Scott R. from California always says, we don't even know what we're doing when we're dealing with it. This chapter will end sometime tonight. I promise you that. Unbelievable. Hank P., Montclair, New Jersey. This was only a few days ago at this writing, 1939. The authorities were much concerned. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. The doctor proved to be able and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling this situation. So he inquired, what did our friend have on the ball? Our friend proceeded to tell him, and with such good effect that the doctor agreed to test among his patients and certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. Arrangements were also made with the chief physician of a large public hospital to select still others from the stream of misery. Stream of misery, beautiful words in this big book, which flows through that institution. So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, and again, bring this to your own experience, You know, some of the people you work with may sink and never get back up. But if our experience is a criterion more than half, there's another percentage reference. I almost said another workshop. No, no, no more workshops. But send Barefoot Bill an email. He will send you every reference in the big book or in AA literature that speaks to the recovery rate in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous. We have not found a recovery rate below 50%. In New Jersey today, it's somewhere among 5% where people come into the fellowship of Alcoholic Anonymous, get sober and stay sober for the long haul. Back then, they were racking up numbers like 50%, 60%. The front of the book says 75% success rate. In Cleveland, Clarence Snyder with those drunks, one of our history books, I believe it's Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, it says in Cleveland, Ohio, in the early 40s, they had a 93% successrate. Alcoholics Anonymous had nearly a 100% success rate in the 1940s. What did these guys have on the ball? They had this book, they had spiritual experiences, they had awakening of the steps. As soon as they got the bugger detoxed, they gave them the program. That's why AlcoholicsAnonymous had such good success rates in the early days. So ask Bill for those stats. There's a lot of references. More than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. With a few men in this city have found themselves and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, I ask myself, have I discovered the Joy of Helping Others to Face Life Again? there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover, if he can and will. Again, the bar is set high for me, and this is something I never thought of before. But check this out. I can see if I'm up to this. I can see if I'm trying my utmost to be willing to stop at nothing until everyone in my town has had the opportunity to recover, if he can and will. Don't get me wrong. I don't go door-to-door down the town delivering big books because that would probably be a waste of material. But I would like to think that I am open to help anybody who needs the help. The cool thing about doing this past few months and starting the Thursday night group here is that I had lived in this town for about four years and I didn't really know that many people and I Didn't Really Know That Many Meetings because I was still going to meetings that I attended when I lived near Berkeley Heights, and I was going to Bernardsville. And this year I finally said, screw it, I've got to plant it where I live. Not only could I die if I don't, but who knows of the other people. And don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm some great savior or anything, but who know of the people that might be dying just because I'm selfish and I want to go to the big book meetings in the other towns. This book tells me to create the fellowship I crave, start with where I am. And you'd be amazed with the people that I've met as the result of this deal and as the results of Thursday night. Where do you live? Oh, just up the street. Are you kidding me? I've lived here for at least four years and I don't even know it. Shame on me. Shame on me. You know, but now I know. We're winding down folks. So am I. Still you may say, but I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book. You cannot be sure. God will determine that so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon God. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. Showed me this year doing lots of things around here. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. It's meant to be suggestative if you actually want to recover from alcoholism, we suggest you read and do everything that's in the book. The 12th... For members of Alcoholics Anonymous the 12 steps are not suggested. The 12 step program of recovery is a suggested program for drunks who want to get and stay sober. but it's not the 12 suggested steps like sometimes we hear what it says and how it works is here are the steps which are suggested as your program of recovery you know if you want to be a member of alcoholics anonymous and you want To get and stay sober here's here's the program recovery we suggest you do it another guy says the word uh he likes the analogy for the word suggests that on the parachute, on side of the parachute it says if you jump out of a plane and you use this parachute we suggest you pull the ripcord. That's how I look at the program today. Book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. And I'll personalize this. I realize I only know a little and if this book is saying they only know a little then I only know a little of a little so I guess I don't know much at all and how sick are you folks for listening to me and Bill for the last 20 weeks God will constantly disclose more to you to us and to me ask God in your morning meditation how many of us are doing this in our morning prayer and meditation Ask God in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man or woman who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously, you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with God is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact for us. Abandon yourself to God. I love this last paragraph. Step five, banning yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Banning yourself to God as you understand God Steps 1, 2, 3 Admit your faults to Him and your fellows 4, 5, 6 and 7 Clear away the wreckage of your past 8, 9 Give freely of what you find and join us Step 12 We shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit steps 10 and 11 and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny and I hope that as you and I continue to walk along this spiritual journey even though we may not be getting together on Wednesday nights I pray to God that we will surely continue to meet up as we all continue to trudge the road of happy destiny may God bless you and keep you until then I want to close with one additional thing it's this weekend's only handout trying to conserve on trees and I love to close big book workshops with this it's the epitome of our 12-step. It's called I Stand by the Door It's by I Stand by the door by Reverend Sam Shoemaker from the Calvary Episcopal Church and actually this This particular thing says Sam Shoemaker was the founder of Faith at Work at Calvary Episcopal Church in New York City in 1996. As far as I can tell, this foundation, Faith at Working, is still in existence today. They have a website. I believe it's faithatwork.com or it could be .org. Just do a search for it. Shoemaker was a spiritual mentor to the early members of AA, particularly Bill. But he was very instrumental in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous. He's in our history books. You can read about him. He's written some articles on AlcoholicsAnonymous that if you... He's long gone, of course. But if you search the web, you can find the articles he wrote about AA. Incredible stuff. I stand by the door. I stand by the door. I neither go too far in nor stay too far out. The door is the most important door in the world. It is the door through which people walk when they find God. There's no use in my going way inside and staying there when so many are still outside and they, as much as I crave to know where the door is. And all that so many ever find is only the wall where a door ought to be. They creep along the wall like blind people with outstretched groping hands, feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door yet they never find it. So I stand by the door. The most tremendous thing in the world is for people to find that door, the door to God. The most important thing any person can do is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands and put it on the latch. The latch that only clicks and opens to the person's own touch. People die outside that door as starving beggars die on cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter. Die for want of what is within their grasp They live on the other side of it. Live because they have not found it. Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it and open it and walk in and find Him. So I stand by the door. Go in, great saints, go all the way in. Go down into the cavernous cellars and go way up into the spacious attics. It is a vast roomy house, this house where God is. go into the deepest of hidden casements of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood. Some must inhabit those inner rooms and know the depths and heights of God and call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is. Sometimes I take a deeper look in. Sometimes venture in a little further. But my place seems closer to the opening, so I stand by the door. There's another reason why I stand by the doorway. Some people get partway in and become afraid. Lest God in the zeal of His house devour them, for God is so very great and asks all of us. And those people feel a cosmic claustrophobia and want to get out. Let me out, they cry, and the people way inside only terrify them more. Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled for the old life. They have seen too much. once tastes God and nothing but God will do anymore. Somebody must be watching for the frightened who seek to sneak out just where they came in to tell them how much better it is inside The people too far in do not see how near these are to leaving, preoccupied with the wonder of it all. Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door but would like to run away so for them too I stand by the door I admire the people who go away in but I wish they would not forget how it was before they got in then they would be able to help the people who have not yet even found the door or the people who want to run away again from God you can go in too deeply and stay in too long and forget the people outside the door as for me I shall take my old accustomed place near enough to God to hear him and know he is there but not so far from people as not to hear them and remember they are there too where? outside the door thousands of them millions of them but more important for me one of them, two of them ten of them whose hands I am intended to touch on the latch so I shall stand by the door and wait for those who seek it I had rather be a doorkeeper so I stand by the door I love you guys this has been an incredible experience for me I hope we can get together and stay in touch I wish you all many blessings as you continue your journey in Alcoholics Anonymous I have truly been made the better person for being in your presence and as Barefoot Bill would say I thank you for allowing me to participate in my own recovery may God bless you