I Need a Couple Drinks to Calm Down So I Can Think About Not Drinking – Jim P.

I'm an alcoholic. My name is Jim Powers. I've been sober a little over 11 years and I'm really honored to be here tonight. I want you to know that. To be asked to come up here with Vic and fill in for Rob, it's big shoes. I'm a big fan of Vic's and Rob's both. But I've got to clear up a misconception that Rob gave you all last week if you all were here. He said that he was younger than Vic and I. And that's a lie. Vic and I are young people. Rob dyes his hair, uses Botox, and he's had plastic surgery. He's not here to challenge that and that's too bad, but I just wanted to clear that up. And something else. Vic just went through those different things that alcoholics do. We have fun, we make love, we fight, we do all these things. And so we could be all different things. But the one thing that we all have in common is when we put a drink in our body, we do one thing. We get another drink. And that's the one thing that real alcoholics do. No matter how we react or no matter how we act when we drink, we always have that one common thing. We look for another drink. I've got to tell you that I'm a little bit nervous. And I've asked God to speak through me tonight. So if you don't like what you hear, you can get your money back from Vic. Or you can blame God. But you ain't blaming me because I've turned this whole thing over. I don't know how to do this really. And also something else. I'm different. I was different from the day I came in. I'm different now. I was 44 years old before I knew what Alcoholics Anonymous was. I had no clue what Alcoholics Anonymous was. Both my grandfathers died from this disease. My parents did not talk about it. They were not alcoholics. I was raised in a really good family. So when my life was going out of control, when my body was shutting down, when I was urinating in the bed with my wife, and I was willing to give away my child, did somebody suggest that maybe I need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous? And I said, I'm not an alcoholic. I've been drinking for 35 years. Every time I could get the chance, every day or night. And I'm not an alcoholic. I'm different. And you might hear that every now and then. And some of you might have felt that way. I never have been to the emergency room for a long time. I've never been to the hospital. I've never been to the emergency room for alcoholics. I've never been to a detox. I've never been to a treatment center. And I've never been to rehab. I've been to all those places sober. But I was never there when I was drinking. So how could I be an alcoholic? Alcoholics go to the emergency room. They go to detox. They have to be treated. They have to go to rehab. Not true. Not true at all. I never went to any of those places. I've taken people to the emergency room and to the psych wards that would voluntarily go as a 12-step call. And I carry meetings into detox and into rehab because that's part of my 12-step work. I do it to jails and institutions because I love it. I love being able to carry the message. The book, they talk about the book being written in an 8th grade language. And I don't know about that. I don't. I was in the juvenile home in the 8th grade. Okay. I was in juvenile detention in the 9th grade. In the 10th grade, I was in a county jail. In the 11th grade, I was in a county jail. In the 12th grade, I was in a chain gang. I was sentenced to 52 years in state penitentiary. And I was 18 years old because of what I did when I poured alcohol in my body. I had my first drink when I was 11. And it set off something in me that it doesn't set off in normal people. It set off a desire to get more. And every time I drank, I drank for the effect produced by alcohol like the doctor says. So, when I hear things, and I've got a sponsor that's 28 years that came from Scotland. And he had never gone to any of those places either. And he does not believe in anything but the words that are written in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. And so, that's how I'm trained. I'm trained on what I learned. I didn't learn anything about 90 meetings in 90 days. My sponsor went to 90 meetings in 90 days. Didn't drink for 90 days. And on the 91st day, he drank and he spent another 12 years going in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. Never having another 90 days. So, when I hear 90 meetings in 90 days, I go, man, where is that in the book? When I hear meeting makers make it. Meeting makers do not make it. They die of untreated alcoholism. And I have watched that in the past 11 years. Actually, I've been coming around for 15 years. So, there was about a four-year span where I was coming in and out because of one thing. There was one thing that I could not admit. I was not crazy. And so, when I'd look up at the board and I see the word Restore Me to Sanity, that meant I was insane. And I have no doubt in my mind, I am not crazy. I'm not like you people. And then I would go and get drunk. You know? But I'm not like you people. I would come back and I would stop drinking. Because I just couldn't stand the pain. But I'm not like you people. I'm not crazy. And then I would go drink and I would be drunk. And I repeated that, like it says in the book, over and over and over and over until it got so bad that I almost killed myself the last time. And that's when I reached out and that's when I got a sponsor who said, let's go through this book. And we're going to do what this book says. Okay? So, in a member's eye view, it's a pamphlet. I encourage everybody to get it. I love being here tonight because it's not like a regular meeting. It's not like an AA meeting where everybody's going to talk about their problem. You don't get to talk about anything. I get to talk about the problem. I know about the problem. That's why Rob said, hey Jim, why don't you do the doctor's opinion. It's all about the problem. And I'm like, I can do that. But it's, you all who have come out on a Friday night to come to a workshop. Are here for a reason. You're here either to further your education in Alcoholics Anonymous. You're here to learn if you're new. Or you're here because this is what has saved your life. And you're here tonight. It's not a group therapy meeting. And that's what a lot of AA meetings that I go to sometimes in my home group. I sit there and go, oh my God, we've turned into a group therapy and we're not. You know, it's just, I'm judgmental. Because I'm focused on what's in the book. So if I don't hear what's in the book. And I was mentioning the Bird's Eye, I mean, a Member's Eye View pamphlet. It says in there that when people say meeting makers make it. Just go to meetings. It'll rub off on you. You'll get it by osmosis. And what that says in that pamphlet is what will rub off on you is rigor mortis. And that's exactly what will rub off. If you go to meetings and you don't follow the program. The plan of action is designed in this book. That these people took in 1935. Through 1939. And then they wrote about it. If you don't do this and you're a real alcoholic like me. You're going to die. I mean, it says it in the book. It says it multiple times. For us to drink is to die. It tells me in the fourth step. If I don't do these things. If my actions continue to harm people. I'm going to drink. And for me to drink is to die. It tells me in the fifth step. If I don't do this, I may not overcome drinking. If I don't overcome drinking. For me to drink is to die. I believe what's in this book. Because I have living proof. In my own family. I've buried both my brothers. One ten years younger than me. One four years older than me. Because of untreated alcoholism. I know this book is talking to me. Tonight. Because I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. Alright. We're going to go over the doctor's opinion. But before we do that. I always like to start with the last sentence in the fourth to the third edition. And like I said. I've got a GED from the Chang Gang. Seventy or below was failing. Okay. My highest score was in history. It was a fifty nine. But I've got a number that says I've got an Orange County GED. And it's real. I got it with me. Because people asked to see it. And my highest score was a fifty nine. God was doing for me in 1973. What I couldn't do for myself. And he continues to do that today. But the last sentence is. Every day. Somewhere in the world. Recovery begins. When one alcoholic talks to another alcoholic. Sharing experience. Strength and hope. And that's exactly what this program does. Alright. If you all would. We're going to jump over to the doctor's opinion. Okay. And that's going to be on XXV or 25. Roman numeric 25. Now last week Rob was talking about some words. And the first word of the doctor's opinion. Well first off it's a doctor's opinion. It means it's not based on scientific fact. It originally was called the doctor's theory. And then they changed it before they put it in the book to the doctor's opinion. It still was not based on fact. It was based on what the doctor was observing when he was working with alcoholics. In the first book. The first printing of the first book of Alcoholics Anonymous. When they asked Dr. Silkworth. Could they use some of his stuff. Could they have a letter from him. He said yes. On one condition. Anybody know what that is? You don't use my name. You don't use my name. Because he was afraid that he would be laughed out of or ostracized from the medical community. If they used his name. In 1956 or 55. I can't. Dates are pretty close. The American Medical Association. The American Psychiatric Association said. That alcoholism is an illness. It is a disease. And so at the second printing of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dr. Silkworth said you can use my name. Everybody else agrees with me. You can use my name now. In 1971 the World Health Organization. Agreed that alcoholism was a disease. In 1981 the United Kingdom. Agreed that alcoholism was a disease. Are you ready for this? In 1984 the United Kingdom. Said alcoholism is not a disease. And to this day. In England. Alcohol is not recognized as a disease. Okay. The World Health Organization recognized. It. But for some reason. I'm not picking on the English. Trust me. They already got picked on. They lost the war. But the bottom line is. They don't recognize it as a disease. And whatever the reason is. I don't have a clue. I just know this in fact. Alright. In the doctor's opinion. It starts with the very first word. That Rob talked about last night. We of Alcoholics Anonymous. We. Underline that word. We. Because we're still talking about the first 100. Okay. We're still talking about the first 100. Who got sober. Who said. I want to put this thing together. We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. The plan of recovery is the program. It is not the fellowship. We would not be here without the fellowship. The fellowship would not be here without the traditions. And Vic knows that as well as I do. We were going to chew our arms off in the early 40s because of our egos. And alcoholics who were getting sober. Were wanting to put so many rules in place. Were wanting to put so many rules and regulations on their groups. That when they finally sent them all to New York. There were so many rules that nobody could get sober. And so that's why Bill was starting to write the traditions. That's why we have tradition three today. The only requirement is just a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to be sober. You don't have to stop drinking. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. So we're here as a fellowship because of those traditions. That fellowship guided me to a book that has a plan of recovery. And it's described in the book. Now it says right there that it talks about the well-known doctor, chief physician that Vic's already talked about. Dr. Silkworth. And he gave him this letter. And it says he specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. In 34 he attended a patient. He was talking about Bill Wilson. And though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity. Was an alcoholic of the type I had come to regard as hopeless. Alright. There's the first word. Underline that. Circle it. Do whatever you want with it. I was a hopeless alcoholic too. Okay. I think a lot of us were hopeless when we got here. We didn't come here on a winning streak. But a hopeless means there is no hope. We have no hope. And in 1939 there wasn't a cure for alcoholism. And in 2013 there's not a cure for alcoholism. You hear about it. Somebody in California has got a pill. Whatever. You know. There is not a cure. But what there is is a daily reprieve. And it's based on a certain thing. And we'll find out about that in a minute. And it says right. And I got to tell you. I got to be an alcoholic. I stopped to buy a bottle of water. And I paid 40 cents extra for a bottle of water that says smart water on it. I could have got it out of the tap. But no. I had to pay 40 cents more than a bottle of Zephyrhils. In the course of Bill's third treatment he acquired certain ideas. And he said. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I'm going to have to go to the doctor. He said the body was still healthy. But I had to pay 40 cents more for a bottle of water. I could have got it out of the tap. But no. I had to pay 40 cents more than a bottle of Zephyrhils. In the course of Bill's third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his concept to other alcoholics. Conceptions. And pressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others. And what's that? That's the 12th step. That we have to continue to carry this message to other alcoholics. If we're not doing it. we're going to keep it. You know, unheard of back in 39. You got to give something away to keep it? Paradoxes. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over 100 others appear to have recovered. Now, last week Rob talked about the word recovered. You know, people kind of cringe at meetings when somebody says, I'm a recovered alcoholic. Recovered means to get well. It doesn't mean to be cured. And right there, that's the fourth time from the front page to right here, that's the fourth time. Recovered is used more in this book than recovered. Okay? They want to tell you that you can get well. Alright? They do not want to tell you that you're going to get healed. There's no way I'm going to get through this. Now, the doctor said he's personally known scores of cases who are the type of whom other methods had failed completely. Dr. Silkworth worked with about 50,000 alcoholics. The first 25,000 alcoholics he worked with, he had about a two, to four percent success rate. And I call those two to four percent alcoholics abnormal because they got sober with no other help. Because he didn't know about the concept that we're about to talk about. Hundreds of people, thousands of people he worked with that couldn't get well. Alright, we're going to jump to the last sentence of that very first thing. And I want you to know the small words, or the doctor, the big words, follow this, or them. And he says right here, you can rely absolutely on anything, they say, about themselves. So, what I say about other things doesn't really matter. It's my experience that you can rely on. What I tell you from my heart is what I'm telling you tonight. Is I recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body because I followed the directions as outlined in a textbook called Alcoholics Anonymous. And the textbook is a book to be studied and referred back to. It's not a novel to be read through and then put aside. Alright, the next thing is the alcoholics then said, you know, at their request, the alcoholics, he gave us this letter. He's been kind enough and alarmed upon it and his views in another statement which follows. In this statement, he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture. Now, if you haven't suffered alcoholic torture, maybe you've got some drinking left in you. I know what alcoholic torture is. It's in my mind and it's in my body. And that's what the doctor talks about. That the body of the alcoholic is quite as bad as the body of the alcoholic. It's quite as bad as the body of the alcoholic. It's quite as bad as the body of the alcoholic. It's quite as abnormal as his mind. Allergy of the body and obsession of the mind. It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were a full flight from reality or we were outright mental defectives. I did not like that when they told me that. I did not feel I was a mental defective, but I came to find out that I had a problem. And these things were true to some extent. In fact, to considerable extent with some of us. But we're sure that our bodies were sickens as well. Not just our minds because a long time ago for a lot of time everybody thought it was just a mental condition. It's all in your mind. Quit drinking. You can do it. You got willpower. You can quit drinking. They didn't know that alcoholics have a physical allergy to alcohol. And I'm going to get to that in a minute. The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests as laymen our opinion to this soundness may of course mean little but as alcoholics ex-problem drinkers we can say that his explanation made good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account for. Okay? Though we work out our solution on a spiritual as well as an altruistic which means other centered plane we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. Why? Alright. Have you ever been on a 12-step call? Have you ever answered a 12-step hotline? Have you ever talked to a drunk when you're sober? How well do you get through to that drunk? How well do they understand they're killing themselves? Oh no I'm not I just love this I just have a small drinking problem just a wee drinking problem. No, you're killing yourself. So we're not going to understand any of this stuff until our mind gets clear. Alright? And so hospitalization was a big thing back in the 30s. Detoxes are a big thing today. Emergency rooms are a big thing today. But if you just go to the emergency room and you dry out or you just go to a 30-day detox and dry out and you come out and you don't have anything to turn to what are you going to do? What are you going to do when your emotions get to be so strong? What are you going to do when your problems pile up? You're going to drink. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pick up a drink because in my mind it's going to tell me it's okay. This time it's going to be different. This time I'm not going to get drunk. I got drunk every time I drank. I mean there was nothing. So I did not get the pleasure of going to the emergency room or detox. What I got was to come into Alcoholics Anonymous and try to detox in the room. And you lovely people did not tell me to go to the hospital. You didn't tell me to go to detox. You didn't say get the hell out. You said you need to quit drinking Jim so you can understand this program. And all I said was I'm different. You know? I'm different. And so I continued to drink for almost four years. All right. So they asked him to write another letter. And now we're on XXVII which is going to be 27. And the doctor writes the subject presented in this book seemed to be of paramount importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction. I say this after many years of experience as the medical director of one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addictions. I was a drug addict for many years. I put drugs down. I walked. I walked away from drugs. Okay? I was a drug addict. I watched a man die of heroin while I was doing heroin. I never did heroin again. Okay? I was an armed robber. I was a burglar. I broke into more Jack Eckers store than Jack Eckers did. I'm not proud of any of this. I guarantee you. But I did it for one reason. Vic just said it. I wanted to be in an altered state of mind 24 hours a day. I wanted to be high. You know? And most of the time I broke into Jack Eckers to steal the drugs to get me out of jail. I was an alcoholic. You know? Because I could put down drugs. I could not put down alcohol. You know? It was legal. As they say. There was, therefore, a sense of real satisfaction to Dr. Silkwork when he was asked to contribute a few words on the subject which is covered in masterly detail in the pages. Pages 1 through 164 and the doctor's opinion. And Dr. Bob's nightmare. I really had to emphasize that. You know, a lot of people say the stories in the back of the book are just stories. Stories in the back of the book are a speaker meeting in print. Every one of those stories, even though they've been changed, is a speaker meeting in print and I love speaker meetings. I mean, I live on them. My sponsor has over 22,000 free speakers and I'll tell you about that later on. But I have lived on speaker meetings because that has helped keep me sober. That has helped turn my life around. And I have a life today beyond my wildest dreams. And if you haven't brought your dreams to Alcoholics Anonymous yet, do it today. Bring your drunk dreams to AA and see what happens. Alright, it says we. The third paragraph down. We again. Now, Dr. Silkworth's talking about other doctors. We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was urgent importance to alcoholics but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. Okay? They're medical doctors and they're talking about moral psychology. Moral psychology is what? Spirituality. Spirituality. We are doctors and we have a synthetic way of treating you. We have a man-made way of treating you. We do not have a spiritual way of treating you. Alright? And so that's what he's saying right there. And that next paragraph says it's outside of their synthetic knowledge. And the next paragraph many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book Bill Wilson came under his care in the hospital where he acquired some ideas. Which he put into practical application at once. At once. And you will hear in this book a bunch of times about how long you should take before you take the steps. Sometimes it's immediately. Sometimes it's right away. Sometimes it's at once. Never does it say take your time. There's a sign on the board that says easy does it. That ain't about the steps. Okay? That's in a story in the back of the book. Okay? Easy does it is not about taking the steps of recovery. The steps should be taken as fast as possible. And they should be taken with somebody who's taken the steps with somebody who's got a book in their hand. And you should be taking the steps out of the book that's written. Okay? Every now and then I throw in a little bit of Jim and I'm sorry it says Jim sees it but that's how you know I got sober. Okay. Later Bill it says later he later Bill requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story. to other patients at the hospital and they gave him consent with some misgivings. But then they followed those cases and they were interesting and many of them were amazing. And what they found was the unselfishness of these men who we've come to know them the entire absence of profit motive and their community spirit is indeed inspiring to one who's labored long and weirdly in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves and still more in the power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death. Chronic alcoholics. That's what that's what I am. I'm a chronic alcoholic. I do it over and over and over and over and over. Why do I do it over and over and over? I don't know any other way to do it. I have to drink. Drinking always gave me an ease of comfort when I was young. Okay. And then drinking became my life. And then drinking was destroying me and I had to drink. I didn't know what to do. And when I came in here you people said we have a plan. And I said I'm different. Alright. It took me a while. I want you to know I'm just a little slow. You know. With a GED like I've got I've got to be a little slow. Alright. And then again it says of course the alcoholic will be freed from his physical craving for liquor and this often requires a definite hospital procedure before a psychological measure can be of maximum benefit. Now. When they first started putting people I mean Dr. Bob went to six dry out farms. Okay. That's what they were called back then. Most alcoholics were going to sanitariums. My mother was born in a place called Milledgeville, Georgia. And when my mother was born Milledgeville was a state mental institution. Okay. I didn't know that. She never told me that. I found that out after she died. You know. After I came well actually I was in Alcoholics Anonymous I didn't know about Milledgeville. I knew about Chattahoochee what Chattahoochee was. But Milledgeville was Georgia's Chattahoochee. And what happened was my mother was born in that town while my grandfather was in that mental institution for chronic alcoholism. Drying out. Come back out. Go back home. Start drinking. Start the whole thing over again. But what they did in those drying out centers is they fed you three things. And this is what they found was the best thing to feed you when you were drying out for five to six days because that's what they did. They fed you stewed tomatoes. They fed you sauerkraut. And they fed you fed you carob syrup. What? What's wrong with that? Carob syrup's got the sugar to replace the alcohol. Sauerkraut's got the protein in it. And stewed tomatoes I'm pretty sure that's like belladonna's gonna make you puke. I don't know why they did that but they found like that was the thing to feed alcoholics for five to seven days while they dried you out. That would make I should have gone to that place. That would have made me quit drinking. That's what I fed No. No, I don't want that. Alright. I'm getting ahead of myself. It's eight o'clock. I promise to stay on time. And I really gotta get through the doctor's opinion. So we're gonna take a ten minute break. We're gonna come back at ten after. I'm gonna start at ten after whether you're in here or not. So come back at ten minutes. Alright, I wasn't joking. I'm gonna start. So you who are in the room are gonna get the wisdom of Jim Powers. That's Jim Sillingson. We believe is so suggestive. He wasn't kidding, was he? Ten after. Take your bird. We believe is so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics was a manifestation of an allergy. Everybody know what an allergy is? Abnormal reaction to any food, beverage, or substance. Abnormal reaction to any food, beverage, or substance. Now I'm gonna wait a couple minutes because they heard me outside. At least half of y'all left so that's good. What? I thought you might like to have that. Yep. I'm different. So you think you're different. A member's eye view of alcoholism. Alex Anonymous. It's a very great pamphlet. Alright, so the doctor's talking about the doctors. We believe is so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy that the phenomenon of a craving is limited to my class, this class, and never occurs in the average tempered drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol. How? In any form. Alright? Now I know people who if they go to a restaurant specifically say I cannot have any alcohol in clam sauce. You know, I cannot have any wine vinegar. And that is good. They are allergic. I don't go to restaurants. I don't ask for things like that. I just don't drink alcohol. I mean, that's how I do it. And it's gonna tell me in a minute why. I can never use these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. And once having formed the habit, which I did, and found that I cannot break it, once having lost my self-confidence, the reliance upon human things. Things human. Okay? So that means that my wife can't keep me from drinking. The judge can't keep me from drinking. When I was in the chain gang, the chain gang couldn't keep me from drinking. Why? Because I found a way to get off the chain gang and get into the chain gang. And I found a way to get off the chain gang and get into the chain gang. And I found a way to get off the chain gang. And I found a way to get off the chain gang. And we fed 150 people three meals a day. And I'm 18 years old and I know how to make buck. And so I was able to take the ingredients that are in a kitchen, any kind of kitchen that feeds 150 people. You can find the ingredients. You can put them together. I used to tell this story and tell you what the ingredients are. You all are alcoholics. I'm not gonna tell you how to go home and make the stuff. Trust me. Yeast, sugar, syrup, and a few other ingredients. You can let it ferment for a while. You can let it ferment for a couple weeks. You can hold your nose. You can drink it and you can get the effect produced by alcohol. Okay? Having lost their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and they become instantaneously difficult to solve. Alright? Here it is. Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. Anybody know what frothy emotional appeal is? Please don't drink anymore, Jim. Please, for God's sake, don't drink anymore. Or, me looking at the mirror. I'm not gonna drink anymore. I'm not gonna drink anymore. I just wanna have a couple drinks. I'm so worked up about this drinking problem. I gotta have a couple drinks to calm down so I can think about not drinking anymore. Frothy emotional appeal does not get it. Okay? The message which can interest and hold these alcoholics like me must have depth and weight. So this book that they're gonna start telling us about, this textbook has to have depth and weight. And weight. Right? In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives. Now, throughout the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, you are gonna see how Bill does this. He is going to tell you a problem and really quick afterwards, he is gonna tell you a solution. He is gonna tell me that I'm powerless over alcohol and that my life when I drink alcohol is unmanageable because that's what I read all those years that I was coming in and out. I read that when I drink alcohol, my life is unmanageable. That step does not say that. It says my life managed by me is unmanageable. And I'm gonna have to find a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity. And I'm not talking about insane asylums. I'm talking about the insanity that comes from an obsession of the mind. The insanity of thinking. Thinking I'm different. And a guy handed me a pamphlet and I thank him very much. Do you think you're different? Yes, I do. And let me have a drink and show you, right? You do not want to see me drinking. Alright. So, it's gotta have depth and weight if we're gonna do what? We're gonna recreate our lives. Alright? My life is out of control. It's unmanageable by me. I need a new life. I need a power greater than myself. That is what's what this book is gonna teach me to do. It says in the book, lack of power was my dilemma. I had to find a power greater than myself. But how am I gonna do that? And then it goes on to say, that's exactly what this book's written for. It's to show me how to find a power that can solve my problems. I always read my alcohol problems. It doesn't say my alcohol problems. It says my problems. So the power that I found, which everybody's gotta find their own. I've got my own. And it's a personal one. But the power I found can solve all my problems if I let that power take control. If I take control, okay? If I take control, I'm gonna pick up a drink. Alright. And it goes on to say that, you know, if you don't believe them, go watch them. See the tragedies, the sparing wives, the little children, all the things that alcoholics do and don't care they're doing because we gotta have that drink. We gotta have that ease and comfort that comes from the first few drinks. But it's not ease and comfort. It's not. Not when you get to my stage. Not, when I'm driving to the liquor store after 90 days of not having a drink and I've decided, okay, I'm feeling great, I'm doing great, I'm driving to the liquor store. It's in my mind. My obsession is kicked in. My obsession that blocks out any other conscious thought. My obsession is I'm going to have a drink. And I'm driving to the liquor store. Do you know what I have? I have ease and comfort because I'm on my way to the liquor store. Before I ever swallow the first drop of alcohol, Jim has ease and comfort because he knows it's coming. My problems are going to go away. Everything's going to be okay. No, my problems aren't going to go away. They're going to pile up and they're going to be so difficult I can never say, never solve them. Because that's what the book tells me. All right. He feels after many years of experience that he found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men and women. And I'm saying women. I'm adding a word because it's men and women. When they wrote this book, there was only a couple of women and the first women were not sponsored by alcoholics. Do you know that? The first women in Alcoholics Anonymous were sponsored by the wives of alcoholics. And Dr. Bob was panicked about you women coming into our fellowship. Do you know that? Dr. Bob was the one who wanted to keep women out of Alcoholics Anonymous. He was so afraid what was going to happen. And so Lois and Ann and some of the other wives were the first sponsors. The first sponsor in New York, the first woman sponsor in New York was called Man, Marty Man. She got sober because she would not leave Bill Wilson's meeting. She insisted she was an alcoholic. They let her stay and every woman that came in for the next 18 months, Marty Man sponsored. Do you know that? I didn't until I studied it. Alright, here we are down here at the bottom of that page. Alright? Men and women, and we're talking about chronic alcoholics, right? Men and women drink essentially because we like the effect produced by alcohol. The cessation is so elusive that while they admit it's killing me, I'll admit it's killing me. Injurious. They cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. Vic talked about that. A minute ago. He talked about denial. I know it's killing me, but I'm not going to admit it. I'm going to keep denying that it's killing me because I got to have it. I got to have it because my mind says I can't live life without it. And once I put it, people say I'm craving a drink. When you're not drinking, you're not craving a drink. Dr. Bob even said at the end, in his, he was craving a drink for two years after he stopped drinking. He was not craving a drink. He said he was. He was wanting a drink. He was thinking about a drink. He was obsessing about a drink, but he wasn't taking the action that required to take that drink. He wasn't buying a bottle. He wasn't drinking it. Craving comes from putting alcohol in your body. It comes after you take the first drink. It's when the allergy is set off in your body and you become craving for that next drink. And you continue to drink until you do what? Until you either black out, pass out, get arrested, or get killed. Okay? So, I can't tell the difference between the true and false. That means I'm a liar or I'm in denial. To me, my only, the alcoholic life seems the only normal one. I've been doing it so long, it's got to be the only normal one. I am restless, irritable, and discontent unless I can again experience the ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Drinks that I see other people taking with impunity. That means without trouble. I see these other people drinking a couple drinks. They can't drink. They have dinner. They do homework with the kids. They go to bed. What the hell's wrong with them? You know? Two drinks, they're feeling tipsy. Right? Two drinks, my craving's set off. I've got to have another drink. Two drinks to them, it's a depressant. They're going to go to sleep. Two drinks to me is a stimulant. I want four more and now I'm going to get the hell up and I'm going to go out and do something crazy. I'm going to get behind the wheel of a car. Now, I did not plan when I picked up that drink that I'm going to get behind the wheel of a car. Behind the wheel of a car and kill somebody. I didn't plan that. You just don't plan those things. Prisons are full of people who did not plan on committing vehicular homicide. Once that drink takes a hold and that craving starts, they can't differentiate the true from the false. They know they shouldn't be driving. I know I shouldn't be behind the wheel. You know? I've never been convicted of DUI. I was arrested four times before I was 21 years old. I was 21 years old. I was 21 years old for DUI. And now I'm going to tell you I was lying earlier. I am older than Rob. Because when I got arrested, my first time I didn't blow in the machine. And that was back in the late 60s. And at that time you had a 30-day suspended license. The second time I didn't blow in the machine it was a 90 days. The third time it was a 90-day suspension of my license. Did I stop driving because I didn't have a license? No, I did not. You know? I continued to drive. I didn't get caught. The fourth DUI I got an attorney. And I got it reduced to a careless driving. That's what they were allowed to do back in the late 60s early 70s. You know what the average cost of the first DUI right now? There you go. Just pick a number. Pick a number. What attorney did you hire? Pick a number. You know? It's way more than it cost me I can tell you that. I'm restless, irritable, and discontent until I can have a drink. Alright? Or with me until I'm going to get a drink. And then I have that ease and comfort. The ease and comfort that other people have. Okay? Now here it comes. I just there was the problem right there. There was the problem right there. We drink because we like the effect. I need to have it because I've got a craving that has to be solved. And here it comes. On the other hand and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand my ex-wife didn't understand. My family didn't understand. The judge never understood. They were not alcoholics. They didn't understand. Those who do not understand once a psychic change has occurred and that word is interchanged with spiritual experience. Psychic change and spiritual experience mean the exact same thing. A rearrangement of the way I think. A change in my actions based on a change in my thought. And that comes from the spiritual appendix in the back of the book. Once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed I am doomed. That is not a very good word. Mental defective and doomed. I don't like either one of them. There's not a whole lot of wiggle room there. Who seemed doomed who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving suddenly finds himself underline these two words easily able to control his desire for alcohol. The only effort necessary being required to follow a few simple rules. Alright? This is a doctor. This is a non-alcoholic. And he's telling me there's rules. And that's okay. Because if you're telling me there's rules I'm not coming back. What you told me is we suggest these steps. I'm sorry. That's crap. I don't suggest a step to anybody. I said if you want to stay sober this is what you're going to do. Because I'm going to show you this is what I did. I can't tell you what to do. Here it is right here. This tells me what to do. Alright? I have to show somebody what to do. Bless you. So the doctor's saying that we've got to follow a few simple rules. What are those rules? Anybody know? Twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And then he goes on to talk about how they cry out to him so many times that it can't stop. You've got to help him. And faced with the problem the doctor is honest with himself. He can't do it. He is inadequate. And once one feels that sometimes more than a human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. More than a human power God as you understand him to get a spiritual experience. No human power can keep me away from alcohol. Not yesterday. Not eleven years ago. Not fifteen years ago. Not an hour ago. There is no human power in this world that can keep me from taking a drink. I rely on my higher power. Alright. I'm going to jump a page real quick. We're going to go to XXX. That's 30. That's not .0. And we're going to go down. We're going to go real quick before I give it back to Vic. We're going to go through five classifications. Alright. The second paragraph. The classification of alcohol seems most difficult and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. So we're saying that the book is about to be suggestible only. They're saying that there's other ways. You know, don't close your mind to all spiritual concepts. It says that in the Spiritual Epindex. What they're saying is this is working. And so they're going to print it and they're going to use it and this is going to be our guide. Okay. But there's other ways. You know, I had a guy say there's no wrong way to stay sober. And I said, I don't know any other way but this book. And he said, that's the right way. Alright. Alright. So we're going to go through five ways. Alright. Five alcoholics. First, first one. There are, there are of course the psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We're all familiar with that type. They're always going on the wagon for keeps. They're over remorseful and make many resolutions but never what? A decision. You ever hear in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous take it easy, just calm down, you know, don't make any major decisions in the first year. My guys are making a major decision in the second week. If they're working this book with me in the second week we are in the third step. And if you don't think that's a major decision, excuse me. Alright. They're over remorseful, making resolutions but never a decision. Number two. There's a type of man who's unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. That's more about alcoholism, switching from brandy to scotch, drinking on the job, never taking a trip, whatever. I drank. Changes his brand. Changes his brand. Changes his brand. Changes his brand or his environment. Number three. There's a type who always believes that after entirely free from alcohol for a period of time he can drink without danger. Okay. There's a guy who stops drinking in the book. He doesn't drink for 25 years. He retires. Takes out his slippers. Takes out the bottle. Four years he's dead. His name's Fred if you haven't read that story yet. Number four. There's a manic depressive type who is perhaps the least understood by his friends and about whom a whole chapter could be written. The manic depressive wants the whole book written about him. I'm sorry they do. Now here's me. Okay. Then there are the types entirely normal in every respect. Okay. Except the effect alcohol has on them. They're often able, intelligent, and friendly people. That is me. You know. That's who I remember. I'm different. Okay. So. But all these and many others so that you can they just listed five right there. I gave you five. The doctor gave us five. All these and many others have one symptom in common. That means that me, the able, intelligent, friendly guy has the same thing in common as that psychopath? As that manic depressive? Come on. We've got the same thing. We have one symptom in common. We cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. And that phenomenon as we suggest may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people and sets them apart from other people. So, abnormal drinkers. Ten people take a drink. One person has to have another drink, has to have another drink, has to have another drink. That is the abnormal drinker. That is the alcoholic. The other nine are normal people. I'm abnormal. I can't take one drink. Okay? And at the bottom of that page it goes, much has been written pro and con, but among physicians who he's talking about, the general opinion seems that most chronic alcoholics are doomed. There's that word doomed again. I'm doomed. Alright? Now the next page. What is solution? What is the solution? Alright? And then he goes on to outline what the solution is. And the solution is going to be in step two. And he talks about the guy who, you know, he accepted the plan outlined in this book. That's in that first paragraph about three quarters of the way down on the right. He accepted the plan of recovery. Not the fellowship. Not your word. He accepted the plan as outlined in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alright. I am, I'm going to, I've already taken up more than Vic's time that he wanted me to, so I'm going to give it back over to Vic and then I'll come back in a few minutes. Alright. We've got about 12 minutes and I'm going to be speaking in real fast. Alright. Two things I wanted to go over. Allergy. Abnormal reaction to any food, beverage, or substance. And the obsession, which is a thought or idea that overrides all contrary thoughts or ideas. A thought or idea that overrides all contrary thoughts. And a less than person can experience an entire psychic change. That is step two. So what we're talking about is the problem, the solution. Throughout the book I said, you're going to be hearing about the problem and the solution. And the last thing that Dr. Silkworth talks about was that he honestly, he earnestly advises every alcoholic to read this book through and though they came to scoff, he may remain to pray, which is a pretty good thing. Now Bill talks about a lot of things in the first couple of pages. He talks about coming back from the war. He talks about how he was going to be rich. You know, he talks about a couple of things. He talks about drinking when things are great. He talks about drinking when things are terrible. Okay? Anybody in this room kind of associate with that? Okay. Everybody that could. I'm glad we're alcoholics then. And he says on page three that he assumed more serious proportions continuing all day and almost every night that he became a lone wolf drinker. And if we jump over to page five, down towards, well, the second paragraph that's real quick, it says, gradually things got worse. You know, he lost the house. Mother-in-law died. Father-in-law became ill. And he went back and he's 32. Okay? He's at his low point. Stocks are crashing. And then he got a good idea and before he got the chance to go out and do that good idea, he got drunk. Okay? And he woke up and this had to be stopped. He said, I saw that I could not so much as take one drink. I was through forever. And so I did. He meant business. That is self-will is what Bill's explaining right there. Because the next sentence says, shortly afterwards I came home drunk. Someone had pushed a drink my way. Didn't say he pushed it down his mouth. He just said, have a drink. He's on the way to the golf course and it was Armistice Day. Alright, page six. You know, once again, you know, he's laughing at the gin mills and now he walks in to a cafe to telephone and what's he do? He picks up a drink. Again. Alright? And then he goes, that paragraph, the first paragraph. Here it is. Here's a bottom if I've ever heard one described. The remorse, horror, and hopelessness of the next morning was unforgettable. The remorse, horror, and hopelessness of the next morning was unforgettable. The impending calamity that he knew was going to happen. He couldn't walk across the street. This is 1932. This is Bill's bottom. This is it. Right? Look at the bottom of that paragraph. Well, no, not now. Um, gin will fix this problem that's unforgettable. So, two bottles and oblivion. And then, you know, I'm an EMT so this is absolutely true. The mind and body are marvelous mechanisms because his endured this bottom day and night for two more years. It was December of 1934 when Bill had his last drink. Two more years of remorse, horror, and hopelessness and then, you know, that he couldn't forget the next day. And yet, a couple bottles of gin will make me forget. Alright? So then came the night when the physical and mental torture, physical and mental torture were so hellish that he feared that he'd burst through the windows. But what did he do? He called the doctor. The doctor came over, gave him a little bit of Benadryl or gave him a little bit of codeine. Mine was codeine and alcohol that produced me peeing in the bed. So I loved that. And so he kept drinking both gin and sedatives. Now, you always hear about Bill and Bob both being, were both. They were both. You know, a drug's a drug is a drug. Okay, so what? You know, I'm not going to debate that. Alright? They both did sedatives. They both did alcohol. They both mixed them. The reason the Washingtonian society didn't make it, the reason the Emanuel Society in the late 1800s didn't make it, the reason the Oxford Society, the Oxford group didn't make it is because they didn't have what? They didn't have a singleness of purpose. It's a tradition, but I'm very strong on the singleness of purpose. When I do an AA talk, I don't talk about drugs, but very briefly. It's always open meetings and I'll talk about a little bit of my drug use. When I go into the jails and I do a talk in jail, my drug use comes out tremendously because 99% of those people are in there because of drugs. It's not alcohol nowadays. It's drugs. It's pill crack and things like that. Alright? The body is taking it for two more years and the doctor came, gave him gin and sedatives, he was drinking gin and sedatives and it landed him on the rocks. Okay? Now, the next paragraph. You know, it relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics, the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor. The allergy and the obsession. And so, you know, he stopped drinking and the goose, you know, the goose held high or hung high, whatever. Self-knowledge was Bill's answer at that point in time. Whoops. Sorry. Next sentence is, but it was not because there it is. He drank again. And that's my story. Over and over and over. And it says down there that his wife, Lois, was told that he would wind up with either heart failure from the DTs. Anybody ever see anybody going in the DTs? Anybody ever been in the DTs? It is hell. It is scary. Or he's going to develop something called psychosis, which is wet brain syndrome. You are just a walking zombie. You've seen one who flew over the cuckoo's nest, walking around with a front end lobotomy. That's what a wet brain looks like. If you've never been to the emergency room or someplace like that, take a trip. Don't take a trip. Whatever. I thought when they said they were talking about doing acid, I don't know why. Taking a trip? Yeah, I did that. Not taking a trip. Okay, I did that too. So anyway, we get to page 8, alright? And this is where I am going to end up. Alright? It says that once again when he's drinking, the second paragraph, no words can tell of the loneliness, and despair. No words can tell of the loneliness, and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Oh my God, I drank again. How could I do that? Well, because I didn't have a solution. I had no solution to drinking. I stopped drinking. I came to meetings. I said, God, please keep me away from drinking. He did. And then the time came where I drank. Because I had no solution. Now, time will come. And every alcoholic with no human power can keep me away from a drink. If I don't have a solution in step two, if I don't have a solution, I'm going to drink. And if I drink, I'm going to hurt somebody. Alcohol was his master. Alright? Now, the words that Bill used in the first, you know, part of this book, they're real important. Because when he used words like all, he means all. When he says master, that means it controlled him. And he had nothing to say about it. He was under its lash. The lash of alcoholism. Fear sobered me a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of the first drink and he was off again. Now, the previous page, he hit his bottom and he drank again. He was soon, and that's, that's the problem right there. In that paragraph, right there is a problem. Okay? Fear sobered him a bit and then he drank. And here's the solution. How dark it was. How dark it was before the dawn. In reality, that was the beginning of his last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted in what he liked to call the fourth dimension of existence. You hear the ninth step promises read all the time? There are promises all through the book before you get to the ninth step. They're called the ninth step promises because you're at the ninth step. All right? We're at the first step. We are at the first step. Here's a promise. I was to know a new happiness, peace, and usefulness in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. That is a promise. Okay? So don't just think there's only one set of promises in the book. They are all throughout the book. People sometimes call it a threat. For me to drink is to die is a promise. It's not a threat. I thank you all for bearing with me tonight. Thank you.