I Got Married Twice in Two Weeks to Two Different People and Called It Sober Dating 😂 – Mike R.

About This Speaker Tape

Mike R. shares from Eureka Springs, Arkansas at the Paseo Group in Kansas City. He grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada, the youngest of three with twenty years between him and his siblings. From age six, he was consumed by self-obsession and the need to be the center of attention — going downstairs at adult parties to make drinks because he didn't fit in with the other kids upstairs. At nine he was on TV for two years in Vegas, chasing that feeling of being somebody. By fourteen he was in his first psychiatric hospital for a "nervous condition" and had been introduced to heroin by an older neighbor. He hitchhiked from Haight-Ashbury to San Diego to Oklahoma City, always searching for a geographical cure that never worked.

He joined the military, served in Vietnam as Special Forces, and briefly cut back on drinking while he had men under his command — the only time he recalls any period of reduced use. After returning home, he continued destroying every relationship he touched. He got to AA in 1977 through two men who showed up at his house in Independence. His sponsor Tom, an old Kentuckian who only sponsored men with running vehicles, introduced him to the Shrine on the Hill — a Kansas City group with a three-day detox where they tapered you on whiskey and salt water. Mike stayed nine months, went out and got drunk, came back for a year and a half, went out again. His sponsor pulled him from a bathtub with a fifth of vodka.

What makes this tape essential is Mike's raw honesty about selfishness and self-centeredness as a soul sickness that predated his drinking. He did his Step 4 inventory at four years sober and describes it as the real turning point. At seven years sober, his sponsor-to-be's wife Dorothy required a relationship inventory before his marriage to Becky — and that experience showed him the power of written daily inventory. At nineteen years sober, he was dying inside and had to go back to the Big Book. His sobriety date is February 14, 1980, giving him 27 years at the time of this recording. He has been married to Becky for over 20 years, one day at a time.

Topics

Timestamps

• 00:01:00 Mike introduces himself and talks about the Paseo Group — his sponsor only chose guys with running vehicles
• 00:04:00 Growing up in Las Vegas, going downstairs at parties to be center of attention, soul sickness before drinking
• 00:07:00 On TV at nine years old, first psychiatric hospital at 14, introduced to heroin by an older neighbor
• 00:12:00 Hitchhiking from Haight-Ashbury to San Diego, searching for geographical cures, drinking Thunderbird wine in the park
• 00:17:00 Joins Special Forces, serves in Vietnam, the only time he cut back on drinking because he had responsibility for other men
• 00:22:00 Gets to AA in 1977, first talk at Grassroots group seven days sober, the Shrine on the Hill three-day detox
• 00:30:00 Goes back out twice, four years sober does his Step 4 inventory and finds out how selfish he is
• 00:36:00 At seven years sober, required to do a relationship inventory before marrying Becky — discovers the power of nightly inventory
• 00:42:00 19 years sober and dying inside, gets a new sponsor, the pain of self-imposed suffering
• 00:47:00 Married 20 years one day at a time, February 14 1980 sobriety date, closing with gratitude