I Ain’t Got the Luxury of Resentments and I Ain’t Got the Luxury of Rationalizing — Joe C.

About This Speaker Tape

Joe M., sober since March 29, 1983, shares from a meeting where his sponsor Billy and longtime friends are in the room. Raised in Little Italy on the Lower East Side, Joe describes himself as the coward of a tough neighborhood — the nervous kid who couldn't look anyone in the eye until alcohol gave him false courage at age twelve, stealing caps of booze from behind his father's bedroom curtain while watching James Cagney movies. Drinking was romantic in his family; cirrhosis was 'dying of natural causes,' and the Bowery bums a block away would buy cases of wine for the neighborhood kids in exchange for a bottle of their own.

By eighteen he had his first DTs. He became a New York City cop anyway, white-knuckling through the six-month academy, drinking free shots on post in Times Square storefronts, and leaving his partner alone to get a drink — the partner got beaten badly and covered for him. A geographic move to Las Vegas and a twelve-step call from his friend Tommy landed him at the Lunch Bunch meeting, where Paul 'the Animal' Gross told him the fellowship hoped he'd lost everything. His first sponsor Charlie, a no-nonsense old-timer with 35 years, gave him a one-year pass on whining and then held him accountable: go to counseling, get divorced, or stop complaining. Charlie died saying 'it's dying time, Joe' with peace.

Around seven years sober, Joe was sponsoring men while hiding character defects he didn't want to give up, feeling like a hypocrite at the podium. He asked Billy Smith to sponsor him — another 'AA Nazi' who caught him no slack. The turning point came at ten years when his 40-year-old cousin Charlie was dying of cancer in New York. Joe's first thought was that it would ruin his Hawaii vacation. At the bedside, his non-alcoholic cousin spoke AA truths about greed — punishing his son over pre-1964 silver quarters the boy had taken to buy ice cream for neighborhood kids, freezing out his wife over living room furniture — and said if Higher Power gave him his health back he'd be homeless in the street and still grateful.

Joe closes with his divorce from his traditional Italian wife Marie. Guys in the rooms told him to lawyer up and protect his pension; Billy told him to find out what she was legally entitled to and give her more. He called Marie before the meeting to confirm he'd been generous, and she said unconditionally yes. He ties it all to the Saving Private Ryan scene where Ryan asks his wife if he was a good man — AA, he says, is the army, and the fellowship saved his life.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sobercast intro and Joe thanks Bob, sponsor Billy, and friends including John Z and Sarah
• 2:30 Sobriety date March 29, 1983; disclaimer about not walking away with resentments
• 4:00 Little Italy childhood, the coward in a neighborhood of mobsters and rough kids
• 6:30 First drink at 12 stealing caps from father's curtain while watching James Cagney and Alfred Hitchcock
• 11:00 The Bowery bums buying cases of wine for the neighborhood kids; first DTs at 18
• 15:00 Becoming an NYC cop to spite his father, white-knuckling the six-month academy
• 19:00 Tommy flies to Vegas and drags Joe to the Lunch Bunch meeting; Paul the Animal's welcome
• 26:00 First sponsor Charlie — the no-nonsense old-timer, the shift-change story, 'quit'
• 36:00 Seven years sober, hiding defects, asking Billy Smith to sponsor him
• 42:00 Cousin Charlie dying at 40, the pre-1964 silver quarters and the living room furniture
• 52:00 Divorce from Marie, Billy's advice to give her more than she's entitled to, Saving Private Ryan closing