How Steps 5 and 9 Deflate the Ego – Blind D.

Real good. And if you don't like anything I say up here today, I am Blind Dave. Feel free, you can stick your tongue out at me, you can flip me the bird. So y'all have a good time, at my expense. In fact, I used to tell people, I said, I always had a feeling that someday they were on cue, they were going to signal each other and get up and tiptoe out. Just leave me here, okay. So remember the website, davidnorma.com, and you can go listen to our stuff there. So I'm Blind Dave, and my sobriety date is July 9th, 1998. So this past summer I got 10 years. And it has been a wonderful 10 years, I want you to know that. And this past year has probably been the best year of it all. But I want you to know that this past year has also been the most tragic year of my life. But in the midst of that tragedy, I've discovered God in deeper waters than I've ever found Him before. You know, I got to looking back at my journal, I keep a gratitude journal, I hope some of y'all have learned the value of that. Keep a gratitude journal, it's wonderful. But I got to looking back at my gratitude journal one time, and all my God experiences, I like to keep a record of those things, you know. And I started noticing that all of those wonderful God experiences, were attached to a near disaster. And that's just the way it is, people. You know, this program offers us the tools by which we can convert any crisis into a God experience. And this past year has been no exception. It's been an amazing year. And I want to share a little bit about that tonight, talk a little bit to you. I'm going to start off reading from Bill's story in chapter 1. He said, This is when Bill checked into the hospital for the, I don't know, third or fourth time. He said, And my weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure during delirium tremens. Or I would develop a wet brain. Perhaps within a year, she would soon have to give me over to the undertaker or the asylum. They did not need to tell me. I knew and almost welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow. To my pride, I who had thought so well of myself, of my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles. I was cornered at last. Now I was to plunge into the dark. Joining that endless procession of drunks that had gone on before me. I thought of my poor wife. What would I not give to make amends? But that was over now. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had been overcome. I had met my match. Alcohol was my master. Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of the first drink. And on Armistice Day, 1934, I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I'd have to be shut up somewhere. Or I was going to stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn. In reality, that was the beginning of my last drunk. I was soon... To be catapulted into what I like to call a fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness. And a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. What a turnaround. Into the dark. Procession of thoughts. In the dark. Into an incredible way of living that grows incredibly more wonderful as time passes. And I want to talk to y'all a little bit about that tonight. Beyond sobriety. Beyond sobriety. There's something beyond sobriety? Of course there is. The big book says we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles, of our way of life, lies before us. In our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. You say, well, I thought sobriety was, you know, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No. Sobriety is the pot of gold... The beginning of the rainbow. A much more important demonstration is our God-experiences after sobriety. Along the way. Fred said that in chapter 3. He said quite as important was the discovery that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems. All my problems. These spiritual principles will convert any problem into a God-experience. Page 51 of the Bible. The big book. It says, When so many people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. Notice he did not say that these people said the most important thing in their life today is not to take a drink. That is important. But it said that the most important fact of their lives today is the consciousness of the presence of God. I feel I have become one of those. The 12 and 12 says this. In AA we saw the fruits of this belief. Men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend all their pains and trials. A faith that worked under all conditions. Whoa would I like to have that. A faith that worked under all conditions. Well I want you to know that I feel today I am entering into that experience. I hope I am not sounding too bold. But the big book says here are thousands of men and women. Worldly indeed. Who flatly declare. That is pretty bold isn't it. Flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a power greater than themselves. To take a certain attitude toward that power. And to do certain simple things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. A new power, peace, happiness and sense of direction. Float into them. Let's don't just stop with sobriety. Let's learn how to apply these certain simple things to all aspects of our life. And watch the power of God and the consciousness of God. Guide us into the God experience through all our pains and trials. Says they had a faith that worked under all conditions. And it says we soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay. We would pay. When the big book says if you want what we have. And are willing to go to any lengths. To get it that's what it's talking about. It's talking about a faith that worked under all conditions. That will transcend all your pains and trials. The important discovery that these spiritual principles will solve all your problems. We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay. To have that we would pay. But it is a price that has to be paid. Bill said this in his story. He said simple but not easy. A price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. That's what humility is. The destruction of self-centeredness. Bill said belief in the power of God. Plus enough willingness, honesty and humility. To establish and maintain the new order of things are the essential requirements. And that's what the steps do. Willingness, honesty and humility are ego deflating attributes. As I deflate my ego I let God in. If I inflate my ego I push God out. And the steps are designed as an ego deflating process. That cultivates in me willingness, honesty and humility. No place is that better described than at step five. Y'all know that one. God didn't we all freak out when we come to that one. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being. Oh my God. The exact nature of our wrongs. It says almost none of us like the self-searching. The leveling of our pride in the confession of shortcomings. Which the process requires for its successful consummation. Almost none of us like it. You know but it is an ego deflating process. I remember when I did step five my first time you know. So I had got my little list. I'd done my inventory. I had my little list of things. That I needed to get with my sponsor and talk to him about. Of course there was one thing I was leaving off. But you know. Y'all have done that too. I'm sure some of you. So I called up my sponsor one Friday. I said I got my fifth step ready. He said listen I just put my house on the market. And he said I'm kind of hanging around the house. I'm getting these phone calls. I got to show the house. And he said how about we meet Monday. Over at the home group there. I'll meet you after the noon meeting. I said sure fine. And the only thing with that see is he left me with the whole weekend. Hearing this little voice in the back of my head saying. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I know it's one of you reading how it works. I can hear you. And on Sunday night I thought okay okay. I'll write that one more little thing on there. So I got out my little braille writing stuff. See y'all can't read my notebook either can you. So I got out my little braille writing stuff. And I started punching them dots. Writing that one more little thing on there. And this dude popped up on this shoulder. Y'all know what he looks like right. And he says don't worry he can't read that. And if you decide not to tell him. You can still back out at the last minute. And I thought that's right. So I pushed through the doors of my home group Monday. After the noon meeting. And as I remember going through that door. I thought there ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one. No way. So we went in the back room. And we sat down. And I unfold my paper. And I'm getting ready to do my fifth step. And I don't know he just kind of said just a minute Dave. And he grabbed my hand. And he said God. I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start. It was a God moment for me. I don't know if he knew it. I've been hearing that all weekend in my head. And when he said that I thought. This dude's reading my mind. He knows I'm fixing to lie to him. I kind of was scared to hide it. You know. And I got to the end of that list. And I hung there for a moment. And he waited. I want you to know that I hadn't felt anything through my fifth step up to this point. And I hung there for a moment. And I puked out that last thing. And when I did. I tell people I said I feel like I had up to that point been living my life in this kind of a dark gray bubble. When I puked out that last thing. That bubble popped. And I was in the sunlight of the Spirit. Like I'd never been before. It was an inrush of the sunlight of the Spirit. A conscious contact with God. It was overwhelming. You know. I mean it almost took my breath away. Talked to a lot of people. Every now and then I'll find somebody that says. Yeah it happened like that for me too. But not most. But I can tell you this. That nearly everybody who's fearless and thorough from the very start on their fifth step. Will tell you. That at least. If not instantly. At least over the next couple of weeks. Or the next month or so. That the lights drastically come up. We start really gaining this conscious contact with God. The promises after that fifth step says. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We feel we are walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. That's what step five does. And then you move on you know. To get on through them steps. And you come to step nine. And oh God. Here's another freak out. Oh God. You talk about deflating that ego. Cultivating the willingness. Honesty and humility to do step nine. Is even worse than step five. If you want to tell the truth. I can do step five in an hour. It takes me months. Maybe years. Of sustaining and trying to keep that willingness. Honesty and humility. To get through all of step nine. Because of that fact. And because of the ego deflation process. That's taken place through all them months of step nine. My experience with God is even growing. Did you know on page 79. Right there in the middle of step nine. It says. Although these reparations take innumerable forms. There are some general principles which we find guiding. Did you know the first mention of beginning to develop this ability to receive guidance from God. Is in step nine. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience. We ask that we be given strength and direction. To do the right thing. No matter what the personal consequences might be. We may lose our position. Our reputation. Or face jail. Oh my God. But we are willing. Have to be. And if you can be that willing. And if you can go and be that humble. And sit down face to face. And be that honest. I want you to know that your God experience is going to grow through this step nine. And you're going to come out the other end of that. Particularly if you ask God. For guidance. And strength. And all them things. Help me. What should I say? You know. You can louse up in amends. You know that. But if you'll prayerfully prepare yourself. And ask God for guidance. And go out there. And let God get involved in it with you. You'll be amazed. Before you're halfway through it says. It becomes a God experience. The promise is after step nine. It says if we are painstaking about this phase of our development. It says we will intuitively know. How to handle situations which used to baffle us. This is the first mention of intuition. I'm beginning to develop this ability to have the voice. To get familiar with that guiding voice of intuition. Is through the process of step nine. And that's a powerful part of our program. Don't miss it. I tell my sponsors. I say I know you've got a mountain of amends to have to climb. My God. Some of us owe lots of money. And oh it's going to take years. And you know it looks like a mountain of amends. You're going to have to climb. And I say but. If you'll let God get involved in that with you. And you ask God for guidance and strength to do it. And I said you're going to be climbing the mountain of God. My life has been that way ever since. It's always. It's the near disasters where I have the biggest God experiences. And this thought brings us to step ten. Which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory. And continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Keep that ego deflating process working for you. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit. Oh what does that mean? You know the first time I read that I just kind of blew right past it. But I'll tell you when it started to mean something to me. I was at the point in my program where I felt like I was about ready to start sponsoring. Or working with somebody. I'd learned to share in meetings. And uh. And I was starting to get some people say I liked what you shared. That was cool. Feels good. And I remember one morning I asked God. I said God I want somebody to work with. In my little morning meditations. And I went off to the early morning meeting. The 8.30 meeting. And uh. Sure enough after the meeting this guy came up to me and said. I liked what you shared. He said I was wondering if I could get your phone number. And I said sure. Here I gave him the number. He said. He said I also have a drug problem. He said I'm trying to kick heroin. He said I might need to give you a call. I said sure. Great. Here's my number. And I went home saying. Whoa. Yay. God answered my prayer. I got somebody to work with. Real cool. Now my wife had told me the night before. That her sister was going to come over that day. To bring us some homemade egg rolls. Now see her sister is a hypochondriac. And uh. She has a medicine cabinet of all kind of pills that I like. And so I used to talk to her about my back all the time. Y'all know. And uh. And so she used to keep me with pills. And uh. I guess I hadn't told her I was in recovery yet. So. So sure enough I get home from the meeting. I lay down and take a little nap. And I hear a knock on the door. I said oh yeah. I forgot she was coming. I went to the door. And it was her sister. She comes in. And we walk to the refrigerator. She hands me a pan of these homemade egg rolls. Says here you go. And I. She put it in my hand. I set that in the refrigerator. I put it in my hand. She handed me a. I don't know. A bowl or a tray with tin foil over it. And I put that in the refrigerator. And she said here hold out your hands. And I held out my hands. And she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand. And my heart jumped into my throat. And was just pounding. She said that ought to hold you for a while. I thought it will hold me till you get out the door. A nice hand full. One good dose. Oh God. And she went out the door. And I am fighting with my hand. I want you to know. Oh God. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No. Take them. No. Oh God. It was a bad, bad day. And I am pacing the floor. And I say okay. Put them in the drawer. Put them in the drawer. Try to lay down and take your nap. I put them in the drawer. Ha ha. Can you go to sleep? Not when they are talking to you from the drawer that loud. So I got back up. And I got them out of the drawer. And I am walking back and forth saying take them. No. Take them. No. And then Norma came home from work. You know. And she goes in the back room to change clothes. And I thought go tell Norma. Go tell Norma. So I am running down the hall. Norma pops up again. Ha ha. And he says hold it here. Don't be too drastic. Here. Let's talk this over. Ha ha. He usually wins them talks. Doesn't he? Ha ha. And he was winning that one. And I thought hell with it. Hell with it. I mean it was ripping me in half. And I thought hell with it. I am just going to take them. I am just going to go take them. And so I am turning around. I am going back down the hallway through the kitchen door. I am going to go get the water jug and swallow this handful of pills. And right. My phone is right by the kitchen door. And right as I am going through the kitchen door. I see Norma. Norma. Norma. I want you to know if I would have been a step past it. I would not have turned around and come back. I would have said Norma. Get the phone. If I would have been a step to before it where I would have had time to think. I wouldn't have answered that. I would have said Norma. Get the phone. But it rang right as I was passing right by it. And I didn't even think at all. It just went pring. And I grabbed it and said hello. And this guy said Dave. I am about to go use man. He said talk me out of it. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. But I am not in Kansas anymore. What a sad process. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. . I am not in Kansas anymore. Ha ha. Ha ha. It says we have entered the world of the Spirit? And that day I got a phone call from God. Precise to the second when I needed it. I want you all to know there is a god factor in this equation. And waking up to the reality of that. . It's an awesome experience. I went out to the treatment center one day. I'd been going out there quite a bit. And one day I walked in and this guy said, Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power. And I said, well, it's not your job to contact your higher power. He said, it's not? I said, no. Your job is to work the steps. And I said, and these house cleaning steps that we call this, steps four through nine, I said, be fearless and thorough from the very start. I said, you do a good job on them steps and remove the things that block you from this experience. I said, if you do a good job on those steps, he'll contact you. And there was a guy sitting there, kind of a smarty. He said, what if I don't believe in God? And I said, you will then. You will then. So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. And when these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We keep this process. I've got to keep this ego. I've got to keep this ego thing deflated so that the God factor can be working in my life. The most important fact of my life today. So we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. Make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. And we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It does not say casually turn your thoughts to someone you can help. The big book says, if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, that is not casually. That means that I'm going to do this on some days when I don't feel like it. I'm going to do this on some days when I think I've got something else more important I'd rather be doing. There's got to be some sacrifice in here somewhere. Resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. I remember when my sponsor said he was signing up people to go out to the treatment center. And he said, Dave, I'm supposed to sign up people to go speak at detox. He said, I've got two dates here. Which one do you want? And I said, I don't want either one of them. He said, well, then I'll just put you down for this one. So I went and did that and kind of ground through it. We didn't do a very good job. I came out and he said, good, I'm going to have you go back next week. And I thought, oh, God. So I went the next week. And when I came home, he says, Dave, I'm real proud of you. I love my sponsor. He always made me feel a foot taller than I was. He made me want to do it for him. He said, I'm real proud of you, Dave. He said, you know what? He said, I think I'm just going to put you down to go once a month. I thought, hell, I better go get my big book and start getting some stuff here to carry a message from the book. The message is in the book, y'all. So I started working at that. He had me going once a month. And, you know, I want you to know I'm 10 years sober to this day and I still go two or three times a week now. It's the joy of my life. So this is where I began working on that, trying to get better. You know, and I was working. Trying to have a better message to carry. And that's all I was doing. I was just going to my meetings and going to this treatment center and working it, trying to learn how to take what's in this book and present it to them in a way where they could hear it. And I'm just working along with that. And I want you to know, when I was about 11 years old, I picked up the habit of dipping skull. And it was as bad addiction as any as I've ever had, I want you to know. They say that one dip of skull has the nicotine of a pack. Cigarettes. And I dipped skull from morning to late night. I always had a dip in my mouth. And I had tried to quit a few times, but oh, it like to killed me. There was a time there was a girl in my church, she was bulimic. And, boy, the church had sent her to counseling and therapy and all that. And, man, I mean, she was going to kill herself. And so I had this bright idea one day because me and her, we was good friends. And I said, listen, I make a vow. I want to dip skull ever again. If you won't do that, she said, deal. And I didn't take a dip for two months. And my skin like to peeled off. I ain't kidding. It like to killed me. And it was killing her, too. I remember one day we met each other at church and released each other from my vow. I went off to the store and got me a can of skull. And I want you to know, I filled up my jaw at skull and sat down on the curb. And I patted myself on the back and said, Dave, don't you worry. I'll never do that to you again. I promise. I'll never do. That to you again. But, you know, as I started getting older and watching my dad grow old, addicted, addicted to nicotine and his health falling apart, you know, and I thought, I don't want to grow old, still addicted to nicotine. So in the back of my mind, I still hope someday I could quit. Would you like to quit today, Dave? No, God, don't scare me with that today. Not today. No. But, you know, back there when I came into AA and when I did that fifth step and that bubble popped and I felt the inrush of the presence of God. That took my breath away. I came out of that back room and I was just leaning against the wall there, just feeling the presence of God. This dude come up and said, hey, what's happening? And I said, man, I just did my fifth step. I said, this is awesome. I said, man, if this experience, this spiritual awakening keeps growing like this as I proceed on in AA, I said, you know, I could conceive of the possibility that someday I might possibly find the courage someday, maybe. To think about seeing if maybe God might help me quit school again someday. Maybe. And I said, so you hold me accountable to that. I told this guy, I said, in six months, you ask me if I've quit school yet. Don't let me get past it. Get away with that. He said, all right. Well, I forgot all about that. Six months later, he called me. He said, Dave, I'm thinking about quitting smoking. How did you do on the quitting school? I said, oh, God, I forgot. I forgot all about that. I hadn't thought about that. No, ain't no way. I'm not ready for that. Forget that. He called me on a Monday. And I want you to know that on Tuesday, Norma came home from work. And we had dinner. We went off to the grocery store to buy groceries. And I bought all my cans of scone for the week. Came home. It was kind of late at night. She had to get in bed. So I was putting up the groceries in the kitchen all by myself. I got me a big, fresh dip. Put it there between my gum and cheek. And fixing the groove. For the night, you know. And I'm putting the last couple of cans up in the cabinet. And boom. I said, the only way I can describe this is if I'd like been standing in a puddle of gasoline. And I didn't know it. And somebody leaned around the corner of the door and tossed a match in it. And it just went poof. And I was in the presence of God again. Just like that day on that fifth step. And I mean, I just froze. And I was standing there. And I say I heard God. You don't. I didn't hear a voice. I felt. I felt God. And I knew what He said. He said, spit that out right now. And I will free you from this addiction. And I thought, what about in the morning when I wake up with that craving on me? He didn't say nothing. I thought, well, maybe if He's going to free me from this addiction, I won't wake up with that craving. Is that right, God? And He didn't say nothing. God don't repeat Himself much. And all of a sudden, this presence just started to like go away. Just started to leave. Like, well, if you don't want it. And I said, wait a minute. I said, wait. Don't go. I said, don't go. I said, I'll take it. I'll take the deal. And I ran over to the sink, spit out my skull, got me a mouthful of water, rinsed out my mouth, spit it out, and stood up. And it was gone. It was gone. I felt like some kind of shadow that had been living in me was just gone. I walked around my kitchen for a while wondering, am I dreaming? Then I sat down on my kitchen floor and cried for a while. I just couldn't believe it. You know, my sponsor, Ed, I called Ed and told him about that. And Ed said, God will provide what you need and will take away your difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those you are to help. And he said, so you just keep on carrying the message. Now, I'm not, I know there's plenty of people in AA that still smoke and dip skull and I ain't saying anything about it. But this was just one of my God. This was just one of my God experiences. You'll have your own. That was just something in the back of my head I hoped someday to get free from. And it happened. And so I continue to take personal inventory. And I continue to set right my mistakes as I go along. And I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help so that God might continue to provide what I need and remove my difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those I will help. That there's a God factor. There's a God factor in this equation. A few years ago, I was doing my laundry one night. It was about midnight. It was in October. Nice time of the year to have the windows and everything open. Enjoy the fall weather. And I heard some thunder off in the distance. And I thought, cool, it's going to rain. I love rain, you know. And a little while later, the thunder rumbled a little closer. And I thought, oh, cool, it is going to rain. And about ten minutes after that, it didn't start raining. It started hailing. Golf balls. Sighs hailed. And I mean, it sounded like someone backed this huge dump truck up to my house and just dumped a load of rocks on my house for about ten minutes. No rain. You know, I've been in hell before where it rains and it's pouring down and all of a sudden you hear a ping, pang, thong. It's starting to bounce off the window in the car, you know. And you go, wow, it's starting to hail now. But usually it's been raining for a while first. Not this night. There was no rain. It hailed solid rocks for ten minutes before it ever started raining. It got scary. I went and woke Norm up and said, we need to pray. Demolished my roof. So I called the insurance adjuster guy out and he climbed up there and looked at my roof and come down and said, yeah, you've got about $3,200 worth of damage up there. And he said, you've got a $900 deductible. And I thought, oh, God, $900. He said, you've got a year to settle this claim. And I thought, well, I'm going to need a year to save the $900. So I didn't think any more about that. That was in October. We swung all the way around to the next June. And in June. I thought, oh, wow, I've only got a few more months to save up my $900 deductible. So I called the roofer guy out there to come out and look at my roof and give me a bid on what he was going to charge me to fix it. And he climbed up there and he come down and he said, you may be about $5,000. I said, $5,000? That insurance adjuster told me $3,200. And he said, well, he must not have looked very good. He said, you've got two roofs up there. And he said, and whoever did that last work didn't do it right and water's leaked all under there. And he said, and your decking is rotten. And he said, and the two befores that jut out past the wall are rotten all the way around your house. And the fascia is rotten all the way around the house. He said, I've got to pull both them roofs and all that off before I can ever even start putting a new roof up there. He said, and that's not hail damage. Your insurance isn't going to cover that at all. Oh, God. Oh, man. I was getting scared now. I walked in and said, hey, guess what? I could retire five years sooner if we buy back that five years of my retirement. I said, well, how much is that? She said, well, it's $4,250. Oh, you've got to be kidding. I'm freaking out about this roof right now. And she said, well, you know, that's what I can get it for right now. It's going up in October. I said, I've got to get the roof done by October. I said, forget that one. I said, oh, God, there ain't no way. So I go to bed that night. I'm doing my inventory like my sponsor's training me to do as a habit. I come across that heavy fear. Were you afraid? And I thought, yeah, I'm afraid. So I asked God to remove my fear. I jumped in bed. I said, God, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and report in about my fear. See, that's showing my human side, that humility. Yes, I'm scared. I said, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and report in. And just as I'm going to sleep, I heard that voice of God again that I'm starting to get familiar with. And he said, Did you ever finish paying for your seeing-eye dog? Now, don't bring that up. Now, I've got enough. But what do you... I went and got a seeing-eye dog back in 1982. And they used to give them dogs away, but they found out we'd take better care of them if they charged us some. So, and they said, we don't care how you pay it. You can pay us a dollar a month or $50 a year. We don't care how you pay it just as long as you pay it and don't get some... We don't care any organization to pay it for you. So, great. That sounded easy enough. I went back to Texas and went through a divorce. You know, all of us have a string of those, don't we? Went through my next divorce and walked away from that marriage with a lot of debt. Since seeing eye wasn't really pressuring me, I think I might have put that one on the back burner and may have forgot it. I don't even remember. I am in the midst of this financial crisis and I was like, God, help me! Did you ever finish paying for your C&I, dog? That couldn't have been God. God wouldn't be that mean. I say, that wasn't God, that wasn't God. I put my head under the pillow and tried to go to sleep. Got up the next day, I'm walking around the house all day going, that wasn't God. That wasn't God. Couldn't have been God. I've been sober now for a while and everything's been going just fine. That couldn't have been God. By the afternoon, I had myself believing that that wasn't God and I was feeling okay again. You know, you can talk yourself out of missing your blessing too if you want. So I had myself believing that wasn't God and so I'm going to go into the kitchen now and make supper and I keep a radio on the kitchen table because I like to listen to talk radio while I'm piddling around in the kitchen and so I flipped on the radio and the first words that come out of that radio, this lady said, Hi, I'm Jane Doe. Said, today we're going to be talking to John Smith. Said, John recently went blind and he went and got a C&I dog and he wants to talk to you about a C&I dog. There's a God factor in this equation. We are not in Kansas anymore. We have entered the world of the spirit. And I turned off the radio and I looked up at God and I said, God, I just can't afford to pay that right now. He came back at me. He said, you can't afford not to get into this equation. By continuing to set right any new mistakes, by continuing to take personal inventory, continuing to make amends and pay what I owe. I brought this one up and if I want God to stay in the game, I better do what He said. I said, you can't afford not to. You're in a crisis. You want to handle this one by yourself? No, sir. You can't afford not to make these amends. Go down in your amends. So I called C&I. I said, I think I may owe y'all some money. I don't remember. They said, when? I said, 1982. He said, my God, I don't know if we have records. I don't know if it's back that far. He said, I'll have to call you in a few days. So he called me in a few days. He said, yes, sir, Mr. Archibald. He said, you still owe us $35. Oh, great. Oh, I thought it was going to be the whole thing. I couldn't remember. You know, I was so glad. And me and Norma wrote a $35 check and put it in the mail. I said, God, you sure made a big fuss out of $35. And I felt like God said, you didn't owe us $35. You thought it was perhaps the whole thing. And you sure demonstrated a lot of willingness. And I felt, you know, the big book says, just to the extent that we do as God asks us to do, He will match our calamity with serenity. And right there, I felt the serenity wrap around me about the whole mess. A few weeks later, I'm sitting on my living room floor doing the steps with a new guy. We went outside on the porch to take a smoke break. We went outside on the porch to take a smoke break. And I mentioned to him about my roof crisis that I was in the middle of. And he said, really? He said, he was an old roofer. He climbed up there and looked at it. And he come down and he said, how much did that insurance adjuster say they'd pay? And I said, well, $3,200 deducting my $900 deductible, he would pay me $23. He said, I can do all that for $23. I said, you can't. He said, sure. He went and got a roofing buddy of his. And they came over and took that $2,300 and did the whole thing, the decking and all, the whole thing. Didn't come up with anything. It didn't cost me nothing out of pocket. It was amazing. Then a few days after that, I called the guy from the teacher retirement and had him come over. I said, help me figure out this mess about Norma's retirement. And he's looking at all the papers that she's got and her 403B, that's a teacher thing. And he says, and Norma, what's this other little deduction they're taking out of your check over here? She said, I don't know. He said, you know, they're putting something in another little fund over here. And he said, I used to work for that company. He said, it's not a very good company. He said, that's why I changed and moved to this other one. He said, look, here's what we're going to do. He said, we're going to close out that one and take what little bit you got in that one and roll it over into this one. And then we're going to something to other, something to other. You know, I don't understand that kind of talk. All I know was he reshuffled the deck and dealt us out a new hand. And when he got through, we had Norma's five years of retirement in the bag and it didn't cost me nothing. I had a new roof. This is just a few weeks later. I had a new roof on my house that cost me nothing. And I had Norma's five years of retirement in the bag and it didn't cost me nothing. I'll take that back. It cost me $35. You know, I had this old car. It was paid off and I was digging on not having a car payment so I was just going to drive it until the wheels fell off. But now last year, I went to have the inspection sticker, you know, and it didn't pass inspection. In Travis County, they've really tightened up the laws on them emissions tests and it didn't pass. And I, I had to spend $250 to get my car to pass inspection. So we drive it around now to the next year and I take it in to get it inspected and it didn't pass again. And I said, wait a minute, I just spent $250 just a year ago to get this car to pass inspection, blah, blah, blah. I'm all upset. So I was talking to a friend of mine down in the next county in a little town down there. He said, you know, we don't have all that strict laws down here in this county. He said, come get your car inspected down here. I said, great, that sounds like a good idea. But that night, I thought I remembered that you're supposed to get your car inspected in the county where you're registered. So I called him back. I said, you know, I'm not sure I can, I'm not sure I'm supposed to get my car registered in another county. He said, yeah, but he said, my buddy over at the garage can fix that. He said, call him. So I called him up. He said, yeah, that's right. You're supposed to get it inspected in the county where you're registered. But he said, I've got this waiver here. He said, you just signed this waiver that says that, that you're never going to be driving that car in Travis County. And, and he said, don't follow up on that. And he said, then you just go right next door and get your inspection sticker. I thought, great, that sounds easy. So that night, I'm doing my inventory. Dang it. And I say, and it says on there, have you been dishonest? And the little bell went ding. The little God bell, you know. I said, God, is that you again? No, I haven't been dishonest yet, but tomorrow I'm fixing to be. And I had to wrestle with, myself for quite a while. Just like that time when I was trying to decide whether I was going to put that one thing on my fifth step or not. I had to walk around the house going, oh God, do I have to play by the rules? While to finally say, okay, okay God, I'm going to stay in Travis County and do it fair and square and honest. Thank you. Then I had this bright idea. I thought, I know, since I'm going to be honest, God's going to bless me. And somehow, they're going to figure out how to fix that car and it's not going to cost me $250. I'll bet that's what's going to happen. So I put the car in the shop. They called me a couple of days and said, your car already? I said, great, what's the bill? He said, $360. God, you, I said, God, you screwed up, man. And I was really upset with God. You know, and I go get the car and I pay him the $360 and I'm kind of upset and I felt God say, there's no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles. And again, because I did what God wanted me to do, I felt that serenity wrap itself around me. There's no consequences to living by spiritual principles. And I knew that somehow I wasn't going to feel the pinch of that $360 going out of my pocket. I just believed that. And we drove that old car about two more months and then one day we didn't watch the temperature gauge close enough and we ran out of water and we blew the heads. So that was the end of that car. Well, I decided that the next car I was going to get was going to be a Honda Civic. And so, a friend of mine said, yeah, I got a friend who works at Honda up in Round Rock. He said, drive up there and talk to him. So I went and talked to him and he pulled one around for us to test drive. I said, now it's got to have XM radio. I love XM radio. And he said, yes sir, got you one right here with XM radio. We took it for a test drive and we said, yeah, we like this. And so, we go back and Norma said, the only thing is, she said, I don't want white. He said, okay. And he went and looked and he came back and he said, oh, he showed her the colors. She said, I like this cobalt blue. So he went and looked and he came back and said, don't have any cobalt blue new ones, the 08 new ones, you know. Don't have any cobalt blue. She said, well, how about this darker blue? He said, actually, I don't have any new ones in anything but white. I said, well then, how about an 06 or an 07 maybe? He said, I don't have any used cars. He said, just a minute though. He said, I've got a computer hooked up to all the dealerships in Texas. I'll go find you one. And he'd come back a little while later. He said, there are no brand new cobalt blue Honda Civics in the state of Texas. He said, there's going to be a couple coming out of the factory in about two months if you can wait that long. No, I don't have a car now. So we're sitting there trying to talk ourselves into getting the white one. And I said, wait a minute, wait a minute, Norm, we'd already signed papers and stuff. I said, wait, just stop this whole thing. I said, we're going to wait. I'm going to give God a chance here. So I went back home. And I thought about this Honda dealership in South Austin. I called them up. I said, do you have any new Honda 08 Civics in anything other than white? He said, well, I've got a beige. I said, we're going to come look at it. And we drove out there and he got the keys and we walked across the lot. And he said, here it is right here. And I said, Norm, do you like this beige one? She said, here's a cobalt blue one sitting right beside it. And I asked that salesman, I said, hey, that dude at Round Rock looked on the computer for the whole state of Texas and he said there were no 08, there were no new cobalt blue ones in the state of Texas. He said, well, that's right. He said, because that one's used. I said, well, how used is it? And he looked in and he said, it's got 1,100 miles on it. I said, that ain't much. He said, I'll tell you what, he knocked $2,500 off the price because of that 1,100 miles. I said, I can do that. I said, now the only thing is I've got to have XM radio. He said, well, it don't have XM radio but it's XM, ready. I said, cool, I'll buy my own XM radio and have it installed. I figured it'd cost me $300, $350, something like that. But to save $2,500, I can do that. So we drive off. I said, Norm, I'll get you XM radio for Christmas. The next day I get up and I think, I'm going to call Best Buy and just find out what it is going to cost me to put this radio in. So I called him up and I said, I've got a Honda Civic, I want to put XM radio. He said, we don't have that XM radio. He said, you've got to get it from the Honda dealer. And, but he said, but come let us install it because they'll charge you an arm and a leg. So I went, I called the Honda dealer. I said, I want to order the XM radio from my Honda Civic LX. And he said, the LX doesn't, you can't put a, he said, it's not XM ready. I said, wait a minute, that salesman told me this Honda was XM ready. He said, no, it's not. He was wrong. So I called him up. He was at lunch. You know, I said, I'm bringing this car back. And, and boy, he found that message and he raced back to the dealer. When I pulled, I got up there. He was standing outside waiting on me. He said, Mr. Archibald, Mr. Archibald, he said, I'll get you XM radio put in that, put in that car. And I said, they told me that you can't put XM radio in this car. He said, oh yeah, you can. He said, Honda don't do it. But he said, I got a friend down the road here who installs them. And I said, I don't want some southern engineer job with wires hanging off. And he said, oh no, he said, it will be just like a factory installed. He said, you won't know the difference. And I said, what will it cost? He said, I'll do it for you for free. I said, how long will it take? He said, about two hours. I said, get it done, get it done. So two hours later, I'm driving out of the dealership with my cobalt blue 08 car that got $2,500 knocked off the price, got the XM radio installed for free, and I hear this voice say, see there, there's no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles. So I continue to take personal inventory. Daily. I continue to set right any new mistakes as they come up. I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to who I can help in this program. Because the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact in my life. God bless you.