How It Works – Jack B. – 2020

I hope I don't choke on the ice. I'll send you in shit. Send you in shit. Well, my name is Jack Brennan. I'm an alcoholic. Hi. Hi. I don't know whether to say hi, y'all, or hi, partner, or what. I don't know where the hell I am, and I care less. It's a meeting, and that's all I'm interested in. And it seems to be not a little confusion, but many people might wonder who the hell is this guy, you know, that he holds a meeting on its 12 steps. Well, I didn't come here to push my opinion on anybody's struggle. But, you know, they do have, in the preamble, there's no dues, no fees, no thoughts, no nothing. And a lot of people take that for gospel, which it is, for new people. Right? But after a good many years in AA, you begin to formulate some type of opinion. You have to. You just can't be walking through the world with two feet in midair. You have to know where you're going. And of late, maybe the past ten years, I have watched a good many people come to AA and leave and die. And I could never put my finger on why. And I kind of looked at it because I don't like to see that. It's very important to me that people come to AA to get a fair shake at it. And I started to compare the AA in New York and several other places with what I had in Brooklyn when I first came in. And I found the reason. And people came into AA and got sober. And they were quite happy and content with just sobriety. And it wasn't enough. And I don't believe any opinions that I express here tonight are strictly mine. And you are welcome to disagree with them, verbally, mentally, any which damn way you please. But you ain't about to change mine. I'm a very dogmatic person. I am dogmatic to the point of emphasis, believe it. Because I know that an alcoholic needs direction. And when I looked about and I saw in Westchester County, for instance, where I live now, northern Westchester, I moved out of Brooklyn many years ago. And I had a very fine group in Brooklyn, you know, that I went to. They call it the Sunset Group, the Bay Ridge Group. And when we formed a group, we formed a group with two thoughts in mind. What night was the open meeting and what night was the closed meeting? And the closed meeting was on the steps. Nothing but the steps. And we used to have a step meeting and an open meeting. And the open meeting was the showcase of AA. And the closed meeting was the workshop of AA, where the alcoholic learned how to live with the disease that he has. So when I go to various places, you know, I listen. I don't talk too much really, except when I'm behind a podium like this. I keep my opinions to myself mostly. It's none of my damn business what anybody does. But when I'm there, I sure have opinions, I tell you. I'm a very opinionated person. And I commuted back to Brooklyn for two years. And it took me two hours each way because I could find no way. I was a pro AA in Westchester County. Oh yeah. There were open meetings, and everybody went and probably drank coffee and contributed to the group. I went home at 10 o'clock and that was it. And they used to take turns coming in and getting drunk. It seemed to me like, you know, people used to say, well, now you were drunk last month, it might turn this month. And this was not my idea because, you see, my life was at stake. I had to do as I was told to do. And I went back to Brooklyn for two years. I commuted back to Brooklyn twice a week in order to keep AA and learn a little more about it. So as I moved about, I finally opened a group in Mount Vernon, New York, in the middle of Westchester County. And it was a huge, growing success. It still is. It's still there at 11 years. And a closed meeting is a fixture. And people came from far and wide, to learn about their disease, because the alcoholic, he's interested in his disease. And his wife and his family and his kids are interested in the disease. Why is my father the way that he is? What must he do, you see? So a closed meeting, to me, is part of AA. The most important part. I can do without open meetings, but I can't do without closed meetings. And I don't mean closed meetings, you know, where you pick a subject at random. I mean a very definite discussion of the steps, because they are beautiful things. And it was written by a Jesuit, Monsignor J.J. Collins. And he wrote a very beautiful piece about the 12 steps of AA. He said that these are the steps that strong men climb towards spiritual perfection. And he was always sorry that he was not an alcoholic. And he died, and he said, Jack, I'm only a priest. He said, but you are something else. All you people in AA. He said, you are very special people because you try so hard to climb towards spiritual perfection. And he said the 12 steps that were given to you people is also a gift from a higher power, because no one could have put these things together a perfect direction for the alcoholic, sick, suffering alcoholic. And those people, I of course never achieved spiritual perfection, but it's in the trying, and trying to attain one day at a time, a little more than yesterday, is what makes people what they are in AA. And I like to liken this bit, you know, to the alcoholic coming into AA, and he's just brand new, and he's just as confused as he can be. And if you took this same individual and locked him up in Sing Sing prison, for five years, he'd be sober. And then if you turned him loose into the world again, he wouldn't know how to operate. He wouldn't know how to live. And so I say that the 12 steps are my guides, given to me by Bill Wilson and the first hundred people in order to enable me to live with my disease and carry me through. And they're most important in my life. Most important. Now I would define here at this time what my attitude towards people is. What my attitude towards spirituality is. A person who is needed and wanted and loved. And you will see that these 12 steps, as we go through them, it doesn't take too long, makes a person different, changes his complete and entire life. And that's why we are here tonight, so that I could tell you people about what I have learned over the years. And anything that I tell you here is not my own idea. It's been given to me by somebody that went before me. And that's very important for you to remember. Because you know, I would just assume now be home where I'm staying in a motel that's got a color TV. And I don't have a color TV at home. But there's one there, and it cost me a dollar a night extra. Because it's color. And I haven't looked at that damn thing yet, you know. I spent three dollars already, and it's pretty important. So I could be there now looking at my color TV I rented for the night, and I would enjoy it. Of course, tonight I believe Bonanza is on, or Gunsmoke, and I love Gunsmoke. But I'm here talking to you. Not that I particularly enjoy talking to you. I do love it, of course. But I could do other things. But I'm here because I feel that I should be here. And it's a long trip, and you might as well get your money's worth out of me while I'm here. And it costs a lot to fly in and fly out, you know. And get all that mileage out of me you can, you know. And to hell with the color TV. Because I believe, very firmly, that I was left in this world to do exactly as I'm doing tonight. Open meetings, closed meetings, makes no difference. When I talk about AA, I talk about my life. And my life is an open book, an open book for anybody to read. And I only hope that there are some people here, when I get through, that will ask questions. And I hope that these two dummies that started this thing over here, I hope that they get so much support. And I hope somehow along the way that they will pick up a closed meeting here and delve into the steps. Because I want to tell you something. When I first opened my group in Mount Vernon, the Bride Unlimited group, better known as the Copter, the Cops and Robbers group, we started with five. Five people. And when I left there some four years ago, because I could no longer support it, I turned it over to the people that had it. It had once separated and formed the Purdees group. And now the Purdees group and Sobriety Unlimited group, between them on a Friday night at a closed meeting, have some 250 people. And they come from far and wide, and they're all from the same community. And they're all from the same community. And I hope that they get the same kind of response. And I hope that you people will support them. And you will learn about your disease. Because if you are a sponsor, there will come a day that someone will ask you a question that you're sponsoring, and if you don't have the answer, he might lose his life. And it's very important, as far as I'm concerned, that the people in AA actually use all the tools that they have at their command. And the tools at their command in this instance is the 12 steps. Because they enable you to live with the disease that you have, that you'll never get rid of. And they carry you on, as Good Father Collins said, towards spiritual perfection. Never achieving it, but always striving toward it. And it's in this striving that the benefits come. So, we have here the fifth chapter of the Big Book. We were supposed to have one of those little papers, you know, that have this separated. And it's nice and big print, and I can read it well. So, we don't have one tonight. So, I got to read it out of the book, and it's hard for me to read it. But, anyway, this to me is the gist of AA. And how anybody, how anybody can read this, and not understand it, is beyond me. I don't know. And yet there are people that say, well, I don't bother with the steps. And I don't take the steps. I don't need them. And I take only the first and the twelfth. And I get along, and I'm sober. Well, I say this. That during the Second World War, there was a bomber that was shot up pretty good. And the bomber came down, of course, in flames. And the guy in the rear, the rear gunner, was trapped in the last half of the plane. And the front of the plane went down in crash, and everybody was killed. And this one guy rode this tail fuselage down, because he couldn't get out. And he came down from a height of 27,000 feet. And he hit, and he lived. One man. And they took him out, and they scooped him up a little bit, and dumped him in a basket, took him to the hospital, and he's well, and he's alive, and he's working. And he's a miracle. But, you see, I wouldn't say to anyone that, because that one man lived, that everybody can go up and jump down at a 27,000 feet and expect the same thing. It's ridiculous. So if there is one individual around who insists that, well, I don't take this well, I don't need him. Well, that's your business. That's his business. But that is not the way to do it. And that is not the recommended way to do it. The recommended way here in the fifth chapter of the big book is to do the best that you can, and to put these twelve steps into your life, so that when that day comes, that you are utterly defenseless, utterly and hopelessly defenseless against the next drink, that you will have something to hang onto and carry over that time. And that time does come in everybody's life. And it says, Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Followed our path. And that's the key to me. I'm a pretty stupid fellow. But when it says, Follow our path, does not make a new path. It says, Follow the old path. And the old path was as described in the rest of the chapter. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. And the word completely there to me is the key. Completely give themselves to this simple program. And that includes the twelve steps. Not just the matter of being sober. Because I guarantee you that if I were only sober today, I would just as soon be drunk. Because I couldn't stand the stink of me when I came into AA and sobered up. I had to change. And I don't know anything pretty about the disease of alcoholism. And I don't know anybody that's sitting out there that enjoyed what he did when he was drinking. So if it be important for me to change, then I believe, as nasty as I was, that it is just as important for each individual coming into AA to change. And if I'm wrong, well then I'm wrong. But I don't think so. Because I have seen people come into AA loaded with money and good jobs and prestige, but they didn't like themselves. And the whole key to this program, I do believe, is getting to like yourself. Getting to be able to like yourself so that you can live with yourself. And getting to like yourself because then if you like yourself, you can learn to love yourself. And you can't give away something that you haven't got. And if you don't like yourself, then you can't like anyone. And if you don't love yourself, you certainly can't love anyone. Because you are simply impossible for you to give away something that you don't possess. And so therefore you must learn to like yourself and you must learn to love yourself before you can do it to any man. And I would say here too that Robert Burns once said, not the guy that makes the cigars, you know, the other Robert Burns that writes the poetry, and he once said, you know, the greatest gift that God could give me that I see myself as others see me. And that's so important. Because now the 12 steps enabled me to see myself as others see me. And I stand here tonight and I tell you, I like me good. And I tell you too, I love me too. And because I do, then I'm able to love you, see. And I attribute everything that I have in this world to doing the best that I can to put the 12 steps into my life each and every day. And I've learned about them thoroughly, completely, and I'm quite satisfied with me. So now that again is the only reason that I'm here. To give you something, if you want it, that I found to be true for me. And if you like it, good. And if you don't, well, the coffee is still good. This is the great group that I was ever at, that they had two types of coffee. Light and strong. I don't understand it really. Because I came from, you got coffee, and if you didn't like it, you could kiss my you-know-what. Whether it was good, better, or indifferent, we came here for AA, not coffee. And anybody that growled about the coffee was promptly told, shut your mouth, sit down, take the cotton out of your mouth, stuff it in your ear, take it out of your ear, take it out of your ear, and stuff it in your mouth, and listen, maybe it'll save your life. Things have not changed. St. Louis, Illinois, Indiana, wherever the hell I am tonight, same thing. Take the cotton out of your ear, stuff it in your mouth, and listen, maybe it'll save your own life too. So here we go then. Oh boy. They're making this print smaller and smaller all the time. That's supposed to be a joke, nobody laughs. You are a tough bunch here. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves, there are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable, they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average, there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them too recover if they have the capacity to be honest. So you see now, these 12 steps were written by the first hundred in AA. And in that first hundred were the finest brains in the country, believe me, trying desperately to help a miracle along that was Bill Wilson. Bill Wilson wasn't capable of writing these stories. He was a man of his word. He was a man of his word. He was a man of his word. Bill Wilson wasn't capable of writing these steps. Bill Wilson wasn't capable of getting himself locked up when he came into AA. So it had nothing to do with Bill Wilson, it had nothing to do with the brains, but again we see the hand of the higher power. Because all this mass of wonderful things that we have here in these 12 steps are completely impossible for one man to put together. And they were put together out of love and a tremendous bit, but there are those who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. What does that mean? Well, I hear people in AA today say, well, he takes a few pills, you know, but he is emotionally disturbed. Oh my God, I was emotionally disturbed when I got here too. And if you had had as many cops sticking guns in your face, as I did, you would be emotionally disturbed also. But you see, I never took any pills because they told me here in this chapter that there are those who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but they too can recover if they have the capacity to be honest. So to my mind, that knocked out all hospitals and doctors and everything and touted me off on one thing, put my money on the police, put my money on this AA program and the 12 steps, and I could live. And I'm the walking proof that it works because I was emotionally and mentally disturbed and I never went to a doctor or a hospital. I never went anywhere. I only trusted implicitly in what these people told me, what my sponsor told me, and I lived and I grew and I'm happy. And I think that you too can do the same. Our stories are disclosed in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. You have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it. Then you are ready to take certain steps. Now think about what that says. If you want what we have, now this is the first hundred talking in AA, if you want to change your life and you want to stay sober and you want what we have, and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. What does that mean? Well to my mind it means that white people will say there are no musts in AA. I heard that all wheeze for too many years. There are no musts in AA. That's right. And this proves that there are no musts. And it says in this paragraph to me that if you don't want sobriety and a new way of life, fine, that's your business. But if you do want sobriety and a new way of life, then you must do as we did. You must do as we did if you want what we got. That's what it says here. And now you take that and you put that in your pipe and you smoke it. And when the next guy that tells you there are no musts in AA, right, you agree with that completely. And you don't have to stay sober either. And you don't have to have peace in your heart and serenity. You don't have to have all these things. But if you do want them, then this is what you must do. Put the steps into your life. You are ready then to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way to no avail. But we could not. Without all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us hold to try on, try to hold on to our old ways and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Well now it seems to me that the whole thing is quite clear. You're given your choice here. Either you come into AA and you get sober and you just live as you want to live and do as you want to do and run the risk of losing your life. Or you just live as you want to live and play a Russian roulette. That's your business. But if you want to grow, want to be completely at ease with yourself, you want to be able to help other people, then you have to do as we did. It says at some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. Now isn't that a perfect description and a warning against pills? I think so. Isn't that an easier and softer way? You think? Doesn't it warn us here too that if we try this it will be to no avail? It will be absolutely of no avail to us. There's no easier, softer way. And doesn't that too indicate that instead of sitting home watching gun smoke, that sometimes when you want to go to a meeting and don't want to go, that that's the very time that you must force yourself to go? This is the way that it works, you see. Because I don't believe that anybody in this world can develop a good brand of sobriety and happiness and peace of mind through osmosis. I don't believe it. I believe that you have to work for everything in this world as you want. And working on yourself is a tremendous problem. It's a big, huge job. Now if you take the alcoholic, you'll find out that the alcoholic becomes his own doctor, his own sociologist, becomes his own marriage counselor, he becomes his own psychiatrist, he becomes his own priest and minister, he becomes everything complete unto himself until he learns, after he's sober, that he can now go out into the world and be like other people. Now we have a tremendous job to do. Tremendous. We are helpless and hopeless people. There has been no help for us in the world until 38 years ago when Bill Wilson got this program from the higher power. And once he got that program, he worked it out to such as we're here tonight. And it hasn't changed. There is still no help for us anywhere in this world except here at the AA meetings. And I liken an individual who comes into AA and says that he don't need the steps, that things really weren't that bad. I liken that to a guy that wins a sweepstake. And then he looks at the ticket and sees that he has the winning number. Then he says, Gee, I won. That's nice. And then he tears up the ticket. You would say that that's ridiculous. But that's exactly what happens. Because we come to AA and we win the brass ring and we grab the brass ring and we win the sweepstake. And then we putter along and tear up the winnings, tear up the winning ticket because we refuse to change. And we refuse to put the 12 steps into our lives. I don't think it's good business. I don't think it's smart in any which way. I want everything that I can get to guarantee my behavior. And I want everything that I can get to guarantee my sobriety and my sanity and my life. And I want to be as fairly happy as I can be. And if they told me when I came to AA to go into the corner and stand on my head eight hours each day, I would have done it. Because I wanted what they described here in this chapter. Willing to go to any lengths to get it. My God, I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. I wanted it so bad I could taste it. And when they told me that if I did what I did do, as they had done, that I would one day stand up and look at the world without fear, I said, that's for me. Now has the disease of alcoholism changed that much? I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Because there are still people that are running down other people with automobiles and terrible accidents and homes being broken up by the thousands every day. And I can't believe that the disease of alcoholism has become not that bad. And I don't believe that there's any alcoholic sitting in this room that somewhere in the back has ever something that he wishes had never happened but did because of alcoholism. And if I'm wrong, then you correct me later, you'll get your bet. But you see, I don't think that I hear. But here we go now. We remember that alcohol, that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful. And without help, it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power, and that One is God, and may you find Him now. And what is this all leading to? This is a prelude to the 12 steps. It says, Half measures availed us nothing. Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at a turning point. We asked for protection, and we asked for His protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. Yes, they are suggested. If you want what we got, this is the way we did it. And we suggest that you do it. And if you do, you have what we got. And if you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. So we go on to the steps, and it says, or admitted, we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable. Number one, big order. And I would point out here that these steps are numbered. And the numbers are there for a reason. I have heard people stand up at AA meetings, and say, I take the steps cafeteria style. Is that the way you drive your car too? Cafeteria style? Do you gamble what kind of car on the stop sign or the yield? No, you don't. And this is the most important thing that you'll ever do in your life. More important than driving a car, more important than writing up a program of what you've done in the past to give to your new boss when you're looking for a job. More important than anything you could ever do in your life. And a guy will stand up and say, well, I take it cafeteria style. You ask some jackass, you. I wouldn't. I want it to be just as it's supposed to be. And I have asked many, many people before me, or were in AA, just exactly, why do I do it? One, two, three, because they are numbered for a reason. And you'll find that the beauty in these steps is that they take the sick alcoholic coming in the door and actually give him no more than he can handle. And they pass one step or pass him on to the next, one after the other. It's a complete, beautiful way of changing your life. Now the first three steps are nothing more than decisions. A guy can come to AA for a month or three weeks and not do one blessed thing and not answer any questions and stand in a corner and listen and absorb and take the first three steps. There is nothing demanded of you in the first three steps at only one thing, mind and heart, to be put together. You see, only a decision has to be made in the first three steps. And that's what I'm talking about. It has to be made in the first three steps. And then if you make that decision in the first three steps, you are ready to go on to the fourth, fifth and sixth. And if you haven't made that decision, you are not ready for the fourth, fifth and sixth. And if you take the fourth, fifth and sixth because you are finished with the first, second and third, then you are ready for the seventh, eighth and ninth. And then if you do that and get that far, then you're ready for the eleventh, twelfth, tenth, eleventh and twelfth. It's very beautiful. And when you stand back and look back and listen to all the thousands of closed meetings that I've attended, and you sit across from a newcomer and watch the sudden light dawn in him when one of these steps hits home and he says, now I understand what they're talking about. And it's a beautiful, wonderful thing to watch. And I am never amazed, I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of these things. I've watched people come into AA too long. And I need newcomers. I need new people. I need to see the fallen down, beat up drunk. I gotta watch the guy that's shaking it out. Because it proves to me that if I watch him long enough and he does what he's supposed to do, that again, he'll blossom and grow. And I wish that you would have the privilege that I have had watching kids come into AA. Not kids, but come into AA. With their fathers and mothers after they get sober. And I would watch you see the change in the kids because the father changes, the mother changes. Because the mother and father both change, the kids change. And I have watched families put together that alcohol destroyed, pulled apart. And it's a beautiful thing to watch. And this, after all the garbage in my life, is what I must see. So I would no more think of staying home on a Wednesday night from the previous night group, closed meetings, a step meeting. I would no more think of staying home if I had a broken leg or I was in Indiana or somewhere. If I'm home, I'm there. Because I need AA. I'm an alcoholic. My life is unmanageable. As I said to myself 25 years ago when I walked into AA, I can't operate no more. I'm sick and I'm dying. So I took the first step. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I took that the moment I arrived, even before I arrived. I just didn't know anything else. And I just didn't want to drink no more, period, until I had taken the first step. And I didn't argue with her. I never argued with anything in AA. Number two is that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And there's been a great deal of debate on that sanity part. A lot of people say, I wasn't ever crazy. You weren't crazy? Well, I guarantee you one thing. You didn't act with good sense. And that, if you don't know it, is the meaning of insanity. A person who acts in the throes of passion or heartfelt something or other without good sense. Well, you can't deny that you acted without good sense on many occasions. Nobody, nobody that I know of gets into a car and goes out drinking and forgets where he leaves the car. And I'm sure that many of you have done that. I'm sure, too, that people don't walk in and tell the boss off at a Christmas party and then worry about it before he comes back to work. That is not using good sense. And if you don't use good sense when you think that you are in a state of insanity. So now that we've got that out of the way, it doesn't mean anything about being locked up in a hospital or a state hospital or a straitjacket. I was that. I was that. But there are people walking in the streets, they never knew anything about hospitals or prisons or anything else that act without good sense. They are insane when they do those things. They work on emotions and passions. So I came very easily, came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Who was that power? That little Jewish fellow that came to pick me up. My sponsor. This guy said, I have to drink no more. You come with me, you'll be all right. And I believed him. So I believed in a power greater than myself. And I came to where he took me. It happened to be AA. And he said, here you will be safe. And nobody will holler at you. Nobody will scream at you. And you're welcome and we need you and we love you. Stay. So I came at this group then. The Sunset Group in Brooklyn was my higher power. And these people knew how to stay sober. I didn't. So I stayed with my higher power every moment that happened. And I stayed so that I would grow strong. And then the third step, he said, made a decision to turn our life and our will over to the care of God as we understood him. And I asked my sponsor about that and he said, very simple. This is a God-given, God-inspired program. So if you come here to AA, just come to AA, you are turning your life and will over to the care of God as you understand him. Because he sends your sponsor out for you and brings you here so that you won't drink no more. And if you go home and come back again sober, then you are doing as he would have you do. And you are living according to what he understands for you. He wants you in AA because he has proven to you, number one, that you are an alcoholic. And number two, that your sponsor is good enough to bring you. And that here is sobriety and the rest is just your contention. And he said, I will continue to turn this at AA and you are turning your life and will over to the care of God as you understand him. Because this is a God-given, God-inspired program. I believed this. It didn't say that I had to go to church. It didn't say that I had to run and go to confession. Or it didn't say that I had to run and go to my shul or rabbi or if I were Jewish. Or my minister if I had nothing whatsoever to do with religion. Except that I believed that the guy upstairs had put this program here and he was a sick alcoholic. He sent that little Jewish man out to get me and bring me here so that I could live. So I came to believe right then. And as yet, those three steps were up here and in my heart. Nowhere else. I signed no papers, no declarations, no nothing. But I wanted what my friend had. So I stayed and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. Well, the first three steps were fine. I had no trouble with them. Then I came to the fourth step. And I asked my friend Sam, I said, How do I do that because I can't write? He says, Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. And you know that word, searching and fearless moral inventory. That shows a lot of people. To the men it brings into mind all the dancing girls, you know. Moral inventory. And to the women it might bring into mind dancing men. I don't know. But it brings a very untrue picture of what is meant here. What might even be dancing he-she's. Or it's. Or what. Anyway, that's not right. That's wrong. Because you see, the alcoholic, there's nothing to do this with sex. Sex might be a part of it. But that is not the context of this thing. This is not what it meant. We have a moral obligation in many, many areas. We are morally bound to support our family. We are morally bound to take care of our bodies that God gave us. We are morally bound to do a lot of things, be a good neighbor to other people. So you see, this to me is the moral inventory that they want us to take. What makes you different than a guy up the street that everybody admires? What makes you different? What makes you not a good father like the guy next door? What makes you not a good wife? What makes you hated by all your neighbors? Why does the boss groan every time that you show up on the job? Those are your moral obligations that you have neglected on account of booze. And this is the area that you should concentrate on in your moral inventory. And it tells us that we should write it down. A lot of people say, why? Why? Very simple. Because by halfway through the month, you will go to work one morning and you will say, did I pay the gas bill? Well, I don't know. Do I have enough in the bank? I don't know because I don't remember if I made that, you know, if confusion reigned and we all get wet. That's the way that it works. And the alcoholic suffering from the disease of alcoholism has a little thing this big and in his mind it becomes that big. He is the worst in the world. And everything starts going around and around and around and the minute he starts to think, he is going to, he can't do it. It's impossible. So they tell us here, these wonderful smart people that wrote this thing, write it down. So we write it down. What makes us different from our neighbor that we admire so much? What makes us different from the guy on the job that's getting all the raises and promotions? And why do our children run from us instead of coming to us like the neighbor's kids do to him? You write these things down. And then, a beautiful, wonderful thing happens. You get it out of here and on a piece of paper. And you know, you look at that paper and you say, you know, Compton, it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was. And a great relief comes. And you think, well now I know where I'm going. It's just like me calling the airport and asking them what flights go to here, wherever that was, and do they go non-stop? Can I get one at three? Can I have to wait till six? And if I get there, will I make connections coming back? I find out where I'm going because I have a job to do. I have to know me. I have to know where I'm going in order for me to be able to go. I don't know anybody that would jump into a car and take off or put back Canada without a road map. I don't know anybody like this. Only an alcoholic will do it. He will come into AA, and he will say, I'm going to chill my life, I'm going to be an alcoholics anonymous, and you don't need the steps. You don't need the steps. Where are you going? How the hell do you know where you're going if you don't take the steps? And if you don't take this moral inventory and find out what has to be corrected, you'll never be able to take the fifth and sixth step. See, one here is dependent on the other. They're interlocked, just like the fingers in my hands there. They are interlocked, one with the other. And if you go along the way, this is the first time in these steps in the fourth that we are asked to do anything, actually do anything. And we are asked to take a moral inventory. Another very strange thing happens. It's like having a hot potato in your hand. You take a good look at you. You don't like it too well. And a lot of people say, well, I always put down a few good things because the bad things depressed me so much. And I say, well, I never did anything good. I never put down. And if I ever did anything good, it never got me drunk. Doing good things never got me drunk. But some of that crap I put down did get me drunk. So that's what I put down. Of course, you know, the alcoholic, again, we go back to this chapter, find an easier, softer way. Oh, isn't that the alcoholic? How well they knew us, isn't it? They never knew that I'd be in AA some years later. But they knew I was coming because that applied to me. And that applied to all the con artists in AA. You know, they used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge up there regularly in New York. Always alcoholic. You could sell the Brooklyn Bridge to one of them people from Indiana, you know, and the poor slobber thing is going to put up tolls and everything, you know. Con artists. And you know who we con most? Ourselves. It's really not that important. But it is that important because later on you'll see that it becomes extremely important that we do this thing properly from the beginning. So the fourth step, we make our model inventory. And the fifth, we admit to God, to ourselves, as another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. Exact nature of our wrongs. We don't write to him with a little piece of paper that we wrote on, no. We just go down and we sit with him, and we tell him, look, these are the things that happened in my life because of booze. And you know what it does for you? It takes your ego and knocks it way down. Because now, there's one other individual in this world that knows you that you can't ever con. You can't ever say to him, well, no. He knows you now. He knows you good. And the minute you say, well, you know, he'll say, hey, remember, I'm still here. And your ego will down, down. With a collar on his neck, we don't speak of a rabbi. And we don't go to confession and say, that's good enough. No, that's not my idea, because the ego is still there then. And you know, you know in your heart that you've taken a shortcut. And there is no danger this guy ever spilling the beans on you or what. And a lot of people, too, will say, well, suppose he gets drunk. I say, suppose he does. We have taken the third step. We have turned our life and will over to the care of God as we understand him. And he will not let us get hurt. And it, again, this will strengthen our faith in this program and the guy upstairs. And when this thing is turned over, the fifth step is turned over to somebody else, to God, yourself, and another human being, what a relief comes. Now you are anxious to continue. And you know, when it comes to the sixth step, we are entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. Yeah. And you know something, if you are not ready, don't ask for it. Because you know how God removes? He brings them and puts them right in front of our face. And either we do something about them, we can't knock them on the side because they are like on a pendulum. They come right back on, too. And defective character, I would say here, are things that we are doing that we are not supposed to be. That's a defective character. And it's very obvious. It was obvious to me when I came in. Thou shalt not beat thy wife. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not stick up banks. You know, it was very easy to find my defective character. Thou shalt not punch policemen because they have clubs. . And I am not likening this to religion at all. Not at all. But there are certain things that you shouldn't do that are defective character that are getting you in trouble. You don't call the boss up drunk and tell him what he can do with his job and expect to go back to work. So these are defects of character. And you don't run the kids off when they come near you. And you do give your wife a little hand around the house here and there when she's not feeling well. And these things are defects of character. And we look into our defects of character and we are entirely ready to have God remove them. Now we get the help. If we recognize the defect of character, we will get the help. And when these things come up in front of us, you say, My God, that's one of those things that I should not be doing and I'm not going to do it. And after the first time it becomes very easy. And then it says, Hungry ask him to remove our shortcomings. And there have been meetings, complete meetings, spent on the difference between shortcomings and character defects. Well, character defects and shortcomings are different, although they're the same. You see, a shortcoming that we're not obviously aware of is something that we are not doing that we should be. A character defect is something that we do that we're not supposed to be. And the other one, a shortcoming, is something that we should be doing in our instance. And you say, Well, I do everything I'm supposed to. No. No. There are things that we are supposed to do that we are completely, as alcoholics, unaware of. Unaware of. We don't know that. On Saturday morning, a lot of kids go fishing with their fathers. A lot of kids go to ball games. A lot of people get time out. You know, the wife might be told, Well, on Sunday afternoon, why don't you run over to your mother? I'll take care of the kids. There's a lot of women you know, or spouses around that don't know that. Maybe once in a while the old lady don't feel good. You pick up the dishes, you know, help a little bit. Or when the garage door is falling off, you know, it's been falling off for two years, and nobody wants to fix it, you know, and there ain't enough money to call in the carpenter. That's a character defect in one side, and it's also a shortcoming on the other. So you see, all these things are very important because we are unaware of all these things. And after, in a six-step, we ask for help in recognizing them, we start to recognize them, and then it's very important that we do recognize that this is the way that the man upstairs has of removing our character defects and shortcomings by making us aware of them and allowing us to do something about them. And then we come to a big one. Make a list of all persons we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. And the big key word in there is become willing. Because many people come into AA and they can't stand the stink of them. And they look through the steps very quickly and grab number eight. And then they run around and start ringing doorbells and saying, I'm sorry. And along the way somewhere, somebody bumps them right in the mouth and they say, boy, AA don't work. That's not making amends. But you see what it does do for a non-initiated individual that don't know about steps, it relieves him. He feels uncomfortable. He don't feel right. He's now looking back at the damage that he's done and he don't feel good. And, oh boy, I want to get rid of this crap because I want to feel better. I, me, and myself. So you see, it does not mean that we should run around, ring doorbells, and apologize. No. Not a bit. And it also means that you do this step in the eighth place in AA. Because how do you know that the guy that you're running around apologizing tonight, you won't want to go back there tomorrow and say, I made a boo-boo and bash him in his face. You don't know. You're too young. You haven't started in AA yet. You've got to wait. You've got to make your list. Of who you hurt. And your list generally is based on the fourth step. So now you see, if you haven't taken the fourth, how the hell can you take the eighth? Because you don't know who to apologize to. You don't know who to make amends to. You don't know where you're going. You know just about as smart as Vinnie the dunce. And, you know, they talk about a loony-goony bird. Did you ever hear of a loony-goony bird? Very popular in AA. He flies in ever-diminishing numbers. In ever-diminishing concentric circles. An ever-diminishing concentric circle is a circle that is perfectly round but keeps getting just a little bit smaller and smaller. And do you know what happens to the loony-goony bird? One day he flies right down his own throat and disappears. And if he happens to be going the other way, you know where he flies. Right? So I say that AA in the beginning can be full of loony-goony birds that are running around in ever-diminishing concentric circles and then you say, what happened? Where'd he go? Remember where he went depending on which way he was flying. Either went down his throat or you know what. Take it easy. This is what they mean by the stuff, easy does it, by the slogan. Easy does it, but do it. Easy does it, but do it. And think. Think. Think. How important that word is. Because if we think, then we will not act with insane thinking and we will not be guilty again in the second step, acting in an insane manner. Can you imagine going back home to a wife that you've abused for years and saying, I'm sorry, dear. It means nothing. You've said sorry since the minute you were born if you're an alcoholic. You're sorry for this, you're sorry for that, you're sorry ... It means absolutely nothing. But it does mean something that when you try to make amends to those close to you at the proper time, then it means something by your actions, don't you see? And if you don't want to take these steps, then I don't see how you could possibly survive in this world without the holidays. And this is step number nine. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Well, you see, a lot of times, an amends is a long time coming. That's why in number eight it says become willing. That's the key. We become willing to make amends when the opportunity presents itself. We don't force it, we don't push it, we wait. Because we have turned our life and will over to the care of God as we understand Him. And God will give up, a higher power will give up the opportunity to make amends in His good time, not yours. So you see, those few people around us that we can make direct amends to, now, you owe the guy next door five bucks, give it to him. You owe your wife something, go and tell her about it or do something. But those things that you can do except when to do so would injure them or others. You must all be prepared to think this thing out for yourself and know who you can go to and who you can't go to. And this is the way that the ninth step works. Now it says in the tenth, continue to take personal inventory. And when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Now that's a very beautiful place for that step. Because the guy is going along hell bent for election and he's going through these steps usually one a week. And by the way, before I forget to say it, that you will realize one thing, that this program is based on 90 days. And if an individual comes into AA, takes the first step when he gets here, the first week, stays sober. And then the second week, tries the second step. And the third step. To the best of his ability. Don't wait to clear up. You say, well I can't do it now. No, do it now. You can do it now. To the best of your ability. Because they have even put a kicker in here for that. They have even done that. What a beautiful, well thought program this is. Because here about the tenth step is continue to take personal inventory. And when wrong, promptly admit it. Well now, if you continue to take one step a week, and by the time you get to the tenth, and by the time you get to the twelfth step, you realize something has happened. You have got 90 days of sobriety. Because 12 steps one a week, it winds up to be three months, 90 days. And now you're able to go out and go on 12 step call. Now you're able to go out and speak at open meetings. So you see how important the timing is here. And this tenth step comes in just a beautiful way. It comes in just a beautiful place. Because as your sobriety increases, the mind becomes a little clearer. And things start to come back to you that maybe you have forgotten in the fourth step. But here you're laying in bed one night and all of a sudden something, boom, comes in your mind. And you don't have to panic. You simply take the tenth step. Continue to take personal inventory. And when wrong, promptly admit it. Because you know, as we grow in AA, what was right yesterday, becomes wrong tomorrow. And what was wrong yesterday becomes right tomorrow. So this program leaves us very flexible. And you can be dogmatic one day about something, but you say, well, today I see it differently. I'm wrong. And you promptly admit it to you. So it leaves the door open for all occasions. And then number 11. Sort through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. And remember, we are not only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. What is His will for us? That we continue here to be in AA. And we continue to change our lives so that when the new man comes through the door, we will be able to help the new man. And if we don't know what the hell we're doing ourselves, we can't help the new man. So now that we know that we are sober, in the 11th step, which is about almost 90 days into the program at one a week at that rate, this person now is charged up with something. And I call it charged up with gratitude. Because the person now that does this and sees his life start to unfold like a flower in the field, this guy has got to be full of gratitude. And suddenly one day you'll wake up and you'll say, my God, I'm sober. I'm really sober. And people are talking to me again. And the world is absolutely changing. And you become so aware of what AA has done for you. And the 11th step comes to mind. So through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him. My little prayer there, the secret, does that for me each morning. I stand up and I say to all that listen, when I get up in the morning I must point myself in the proper direction. Because at this point here, in the 11th step, a person who has not taken the others will become very egotistical. His ego will increase rather than decrease. And he will say, by a good job I'm doing. And I want to tell you something. Without AA, without Alcoholics Anonymous, no alcoholic is capable of coming in out of the rain. Nothing. And I don't make no mistake about it. And I don't care that if you've got 45 college degrees and you're a millionaire, you are not worth a tinker's damn without AA. You can do nothing by yourself. And all you have to do to prove that statement is if you're so damn smart, why are you sitting here listening to a jackass like me? If you're so clever all by yourself, how can you possibly listen to me? And if you're so damn smart, why can't you take one drink? My kid home can take a drink and say, Well, that's good, I like it. And you can't. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You all-powerful you. So you see, there is no room here in AA for ego. None. And those people that are afflicted with ego will not, in the 11th step, take it by any means. Not by any means. Because they are keeping themselves sober. Not the guy upstairs. Not the guy upstairs. They owe him nothing. And you'll hear them stand up and say, I don't take anything but the first and the 12th step. Why? Because you're scared of what's in the middle. You got no guts. And I'll tell you right to your damn face, you got no guts. And I don't care who you are, I don't care where you come from, and I don't care where you're going. You have no guts. And they warn us about you in this chapter of the big book. There are those that will seek easier and softer methods to no avail. And if the shoe fits you, you damn well wear it. And if it doesn't, good, that's all right too. But you see, I have to, of necessity, in order for me to be honest with me, I have to tell you the way that I did it. And I did it, I owe everything in this world to AA and a higher power, nobody else. And when this step came along, and I suddenly realized that I was sober, and that I had gone X number of days without a drink, and that I was able to bend over and tie my shoes without falling flat on my face and blacking out, I said, my God, thank you. You see, I improved my conscious contact with God, because I was full of gratitude. And I had to thank somebody, and that little Jew that was my sponsor, he wouldn't take my gratitude. And he said, choke on it, you big fat Irish dummy. And I hated him for the moment because, you see, I wanted to thank somebody because I was sober. And he said, no, not me. You thank the guy upstairs because he is the one that is the head of this program. And because of him sending you, him sending me for you, that's why you're sober. You owe me nothing because I got the same debt. So I was forced then to look at my friend upstairs. Because, you know, gratitude like hate will strangle you up here. If you're full of gratitude and don't do something about it, you can die from it, because your heart will swell up and burst inside you. And this is why that we must have somewhere to lay our gratitude here. And the 11th step is there for that reason. Because you have to look back through these 8 steps or 9 or 10 previous. We come to the 11th, we should, if we have taken these steps properly, be so full of gratitude for sobriety that we have and a new way of life has offered to us. And that we have to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him. No matter what your idea of God, thank Him. Thank Him and realize from where your help came, from where your help came. And if you do that, then you're ready for the 12th step. And if you're not ready for the 12th step, don't do it. Because how can you go into a home where there's chaos and kids hiding under beds and crying in corners and in closets and a woman crying into aprons, don't know what to do with a sick dying man. And how can you phony bum go into a home that, and tell these people that you can take this fellow out and straighten him out? You can't. Because you don't have AA. You don't have AA. You may have a big ego and a big car. But you see, AA is in here. It is in the heart, the love of one alcoholic for the other. The empathy that the doctors don't know and the scientists can't understand. That is what AA is. And if you called it BB or CC, it would be the same thing. What is AA? Simply a thought. A thought. Nothing more than a thought. I am helpless and hopeless, but I can live. And not only can I live, but I can help other people. Now I defy you. I defy you. To go into a home and leave there something that you don't have. I want to see that proud, egotistical bum that says he can do it. I want to see him. Because you know something. Miracles come from upstairs. They don't come from here. And the things that bore their miracles are coming from the heart of the alcoholic who is honest with himself. And the individual that is honest with himself knows that he can do nothing. And he could never ever stay sober if the higher power were not in the picture. And AA being here enables you to stay sober. And AA is here because of you. AA is here because of the higher power. And if you can't admit that, then I feel very sorry for you. My heart bleeds for you. I pray for you tonight. Because you have won the sweepstakes. And you've torn up the ticket. But don't do any 12-step work. Because you see, 12-step work is something very, very special. It must be done with the heart. And that is why when a person goes to visit an alcoholic, the feeling that comes over him is a God-given, God-inspired feeling. And in reality, what the higher power is putting into us at that moment, if we have these steps in our heart, is that here, you had it done for you, now you take it and do it for him. And remember from where your help came. So you don't go to him and tell him what a big man you are, in the business world, or isn't it nice to ride in an air-conditioned Cadillac, you say, no. No, you don't say those things. You say to him, I understand how you feel. Because I too was once like you. And if you've got what I want, if I've got what you want, then you come with me, and I can show you how to do it. I can't do it for you, but I can show you how to do it. And you bring him back into the world, you bring him back into AA with you, and you introduce him to the higher power, and he is off on another one. Another one off to the golden key, believe it. Well, the 12 steps says that, having had a spiritual awakening, oh, sorry, I don't know where the hell I'm at. You ever see anybody so confused? Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Amazing. When I woke up one morning, I put my feet on the floor, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with one fact. You're sober. And I bent over that morning and tied my shoes. And that was a spiritual awakening to me. And I tried to figure out in my sick mind how long I was sober. And I couldn't. Because you know there's seven days in a week and four weeks in a month. And I couldn't put seven days, and I didn't, I couldn't understand. And I called somebody up, or I went to see them, and I said, how long have I been sober? And they put it into time for me. And the feeling that I had inside me, my God, I'm sober. And I'm really sober. Do you know what it is being off booze and being really sober? Big difference. Because I've been sober before three or four days, afraid to move out of the house, because there was a cop waiting or a straitjacket warning. And I've been sober. But now I'm really sober. I'm really sober because I am what I want to be. And I don't need to drink no more. And the whole world opened up for me that morning. That one particular morning, I had my spiritual awakening. And the second thought I had, I said, Sam Cohn is a beautiful man. And then I went to Sam Cohn later, but no, no, not me. The man upstairs. So you see, I was pushed right into the presence of the man upstairs that particular morning. I had my spiritual awakening. Well, I've been very successful with 12-step calls. Extremely successful. I don't know why, I think, but I do feel that I know why. I think because that when I go, I always see me sitting on the bed or laying on the floor or sitting behind bars. And then I come to the program and I see that slogan that says, But for the grace of God. And I look at these sick individuals and I say, But for the grace of God, that's me. So you see, I'm always completely aware of the presence of the guy upstairs and how fortunate that I am here in AA. And this is the 12-step. Having had a spiritual awakening, when you come to realize that you no longer have to drink, it's not when you go and go to church for the first time, that's nonsense. Nonsense. When do you finally realize that you are sober, and you want to be sober, and there is a way for you to stay sober, that is your spiritual awakening. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message, un-alcoholic, and practice these principles in all our affairs. That is as far as I'm concerned, the 12 steps and how they work. And then it says, many of us exclaim, What an order. I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. Spiritual again being described as being wanted, needed, and loved. Do they want us to come to meetings? Do they love us when we get here? Yes, they do. Wanted and needed and loved. You see, I describe love thusly. Higher power was once there while he was honored by his dummy disciples. And they were a bunch of dummies too, I tell you. They were sure to his heart. They wouldn't believe nothing he said, and he pushed them here when he didn't want to go. And you know, Peter there one time, he told them, Come on, Peter, walk on the water like me. I'll protect you. And Peter had faith. And he started to walk on the water, and then all of a sudden he says, My God, this is not right. And he lost his faith, and down he went. Man, he almost drowned. You see? No faith. So this guy, the higher power, is a tremendous thing to have on your side. And what I say is that he was asked, What is the greatest commandment that you have given us? And you know what his answer was? The greatest commandment that I have given you is that you live together and love one another, even as I have loved you. Now isn't that what we do in AA? We love the alcoholic to walk in the door. We worry about him. We care for him. We live together and love one another. This is the way that the spiritual part of this program is. Now it says here, We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles that we have set down here are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic in chapter 5, well, it goes on. So this is my interpretation of the 12 steps in my life in AA. And I hope that somewhere along the line, it rang a bell with some people, I don't know, I hope so. I will tell you one thing. I'm a very happy guy. I have lots and lots of problems, lots of trouble. But one thing I don't have, I don't have an empty heart. I have cleaned out all the garbage in my heart and let room for a lot of love from a lot of people. And wherever I go, people say, Jack, we hate you. I'm spiritual. A lot of people say, Jack, we love you. And I believe it. A lot of people do love me because I love them. And a lot of people, when they tell me, we need you, we want you, we love you, I know that I'm being a success. So when you come through the doors of AA, you make it the same way. You pick up the coffee cups, sweep the floor, volunteer to get there a little early, set up the chairs, 12 steps, come, go in, go and do it. Got an outside speaking, I'm ready, I want to go. And this is the way that you too will become spiritual. People will want you. They'll love you and they'll need you. And that's my interpretation. That's my description of a person who is spiritually here in AA. I think we'll stop at this time. Let me get a drink of water and take up the collection, whatever the hell you're going to do. And then we'll go into questions and answers. And I hope that there's a lot of them. Have you got anything to say that you do? If I said something you didn't like, say so. If you've got a lot of guts, say so. So I'll send it back to somebody here. I'd like to remind all you people something that I said. In the very beginning of the meeting. Any opinions that I expressed here tonight are mine. That was not my opinion. Also, I would like to remind you of something else that I said. That anything that I state from this platform, was taught to me by other members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Nothing is my own opinion. I have picked up what knowledge that I have of AA from other members of AA along the way during the years. And when I go to closed meetings, even yet, after 25 years, I sit and I learn. Because there is no graduation from Alcoholics Anonymous. No matter what number. No matter what meaning I go to or where I go, I take away more than I leave. Believe it. So now, if there's anybody out there with any questions about me or my job or AA, I understand it. Anything at all, I'd be very happy to answer any questions. Now, who's first? Jack, I just wanted to tell you that I was, 18 years ago, I was one of the first members in our small group in Rosewood Heights.