His Emotional Higher Power Was a Detached Bureaucrat in a Gray Suit – Terry R.

About This Speaker Tape

A high school principal in a gray suit who forgot his name. For Terry R., this detached bureaucrat was the face of a Higher Power—a cold mirror of the perfectionism that drove him into the priesthood and then into the wreckage of alcoholism. After twenty-four aversion treatments and a string of hospitalizations, Terry found himself in a New Jersey recovery house, cynical and trapped in a fear-driven ego.

He describes the shift from a "control project" to a relationship, realizing that his Higher Power had no interest in his agenda of becoming excellent or virtuous to avoid rejection. Instead, he discovered a Higher Power with a mature person's face: steady, affirming, and unimpressed by SAT scores or prison stints. Terry reflects on the dignity of being welcomed as a "grown-up human being," moving away from the poison of winning in comparison toward a sane, enduring alliance with others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening prayer regarding cowardice, laziness, and arrogance.
• 2:15 Family history: Father's death in a sanitarium and uncles on Skid Row.
• 5:40 Discusses being ordained as a priest while hiding his drinking.
• 7:20 The failure of 24 aversion treatments and being told never to call the hospital again.
• 11:15 Arrival at a recovery house in New Jersey and the 'zap' of identifying with others.
• 15:30 Laughter: The 'high school principal' image of a detached Higher Power.
• 21:10 The 'spiritual face' of the program and how it views assets versus deficits.
• 23:45 Banter: Dealing with a dying battery and microphone issues.
• 27:10 Discussion on the 11th Step and the shift from perfection to integrity.
• 30:15 Closing thoughts on the Higher Power wanting for us what we want for our children.