Her Primary Purpose Is to Stay Sober and Touch Just One Person – Liz B.

Whoo! You light up my life. Whoo! Oh, honey. Boy, you gave me the hope when I didn't know there was any hope for me. Good evening to each and every one of you. My name is Liz Bailey, and I'm a definite alcoholic, and my anonymity's been shot to hell for a long time. Hi, everybody. Hi, everyone. Yes. I want to thank you for the honor and privilege that you've bestowed upon me this evening. It's always an honor and a privilege when I'm asked to share some of my strength, hope, and experience with you. And I have a primary purpose in life, too, and that is to stay sober and try to reach just one. My daughter says, oh, there she goes to save the world. No, I'm not saving the world, I just want to touch one of you. I want to thank Jerry for his phone calls and his letters, and I thank you. I wantto thank Gene for meeting me at the bus yesterday. I came up on two buses. For five hours, I kept my mouth shut. Could you believe it? Can you believe that? I shut up for five hours yesterday. And thank God for the trip. I got here safe, and that was nice. I wanttothank the girls that I met today. Sharon, I think they're both named Sharon. Am I right? Oh, I'm going to stay sober, darling. Yes. I want to thank you because you brought me out of something that I had gotten myself into, and I thank you. And Quay, thank you for coming in and sharing also. My family's sitting here in front of me. They've been with me for quite a few years, and I think it's great to be able to talk to them. Thank you for being here tonight also. There's so many. There's Carola. Don't let me leave her out. We met 30 years ago, Carola and I. And we've been having a beautiful friendship for 30 years. And that's another thing about AEA, you get lasting friendships. Don't ask me where there's guys and gals who's drinking with me in the bar because I don't know where they're at. But I know I'm here sober tonight and very grateful to be here. There was a minister preaching. And he says if you drink alcohol, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady down front, she said amen. He said, now if you smoke those cigarettes, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady, she said, amen. He says, now, if you chew tobacco, she says, look at that. He stopped preaching and gone to meddling. I want to let Jerry know how much I love him too. Jerry, thank you for being so sweet today and last night. I'm sorry I didn't make the chocolates with you. Okay? When he's laughing, that's his secret joke. Okay. I'm the oldest of five children. I was born in Brooklyn. I was raised in Manhattan on 163rd between Amsterdam and Edgecombe. My dad was a pitiful drunk. I grieved about my dad's drinking. And I'll tell you, I used to see the policemen beat him with billies and the blood would spatter, and neighbors would hit him with frying pans and the flood would spattered, and he would come out of Mother Cabrinha Hospital wrapped like a mummy many times. I'm ever grateful that I was in the fellowship of AA when my dad hung himself out at Central Islip. Till this moment, I think that if I had been actively drinking, I loved him so that I would have tried to drink myself to death. But thank God I was here. I have never seen my mother take a drink in my entire life. And for many years in AA, I was always wishing I could give her two lousy drinks and bring her to hell in here because she could use the 12 steps and the 12 traditions. She could have used the whole thing. And, you know, she passed away eight years ago, three days short of being 95, so you know she had a good life. Of course now my mother gave me my first drink at the age of 12 years old. She made some rice wine from ingredients she received from the welfare, and she made it in large crockery. and of course now she left myself and a little girl named Marion to sieve this rice wine through cheesecloth Marion took two sieves and she went home but honey I sieved and sieved I just sieved I siezed and I sieced I sieged and I sipped and I put on a drunk at 12 years old it was a drunk and my mom lectured to me all night long I went out in the street the next day and I snapped my fingers and shook my little self. And I'm 12 years old now, and I'm telling people, whoo, what a ball I had. I don't even remember what the hell happened. And that began to be the pattern of my life. If you didn't drink and get drunk and pass out, I didn't have nothing to do with you. And don't take a drink and sit there for a half hour with it. You got on my last nerve. And I didn'T deal with you either. And, of course, now at the age of 14, I began to sell King Kong booze. And I want you to believe it was King Kong. It stood you straight and it knocked the hell out of you too. And the man made it in the bathtub next door. And I bought it by the gallon. And now I started to sell this King Kong in cream pitchers for 40 cents a cream pitcher. And they told me to take mayonnaise, olive oil, butter, cream, line yourself up so you can drink plenty and make good money. well they told me to eat a good meal too but you know that king kong was so powerful it went all through the mayonnaise the olive oil the butter the cream so i stopped taking that sick stuff i made good money i drank plenty and at a certain hour i had to be padlocked into a side room for my protection now i'm laying out the window one night and i see this sharp dude lord have mercy See, he was so sharp, almost fell out the window. And he had a roll of money. I said, ooh, a live one. I was always looking for a live ones. You know that, Gary, don't you? I look for live ones in AA too. I don't look for no deadheads in AA. I'll tell you that right now. No, no. You got to be going and doing. So I went down and latched on to this dude because he had this roll of money. I got down there and found out it was a $5 bill around a lot of ones. But I latched on to him anyway, and I started from uptown Manhattan down to the Lower East Side. I would go down and give everybody a play so they could come up and give me a play. Now at the age of 14, I felt that I was a woman. I'm hanging out, I'm partying, I're drinking, and this man is 10 years older than myself. So I ran up to my mom one night and I said, Would you sign for me to marry him? She says, oh, no, dear. Over my dead body. That man will have you out in the street and you'll live a terrible life with that man. And I found out something about myself at the age of 14. Don't you ever but never tell me what not to do. Don's do that. I've stayed in AA because everything has been suggested to me. I thank God I've taken all the suggestions. Now, I quit school at 14. I took sleep-in jobs. I was drunk every Thursday and Sunday off. And now at the age of 17, I left New York with this very man, determined to get him. See, you better shut your mouth if you don't want somebody to do something. But her mouth kept going, and I left new york on the third day of january 1939 I was standing in the courthouse of Baltimore, Maryland. I was crying my heart out. And the minister stopped the ceremony. He says, My dear young lady, would you mind just telling me what you're crying about? I said, Well, at last I got him. I'm going to be honest with every one of you in this room this evening. That was the sorriest day of Mr. Bailey's life when he said I do to Liz Ulrich. Mr. Bailey never stopped crying from January 3rd, 1939 until he went home with the Lord August 12th, 1986 that was a sorry day for that man when he said I do to Liz Ulrich now I came back to New York with the marriage license could you all picture what I was at 17 oh lord have mercy i got this marriage license and i'm gonna paint new york red no more mama no more neighbors nobody's gonna tell me how to live oh boy i'm 74 now so you could picture what i was at 17 oh lord down with it honey believe me now i get back to new yark with my new husband and he gives up every liquor joint. He gives up gambling. He gives us hustling. He gives of going to parties and he sat down and I became a mental case at the age of 17. I'm raring to go and he's sitting and he set from January 3rd, 1939 till he went home with the Lord August the 12th, 1986 and I could not take that sitting down no way and i start nursing my little drink through the week i look forward to kegs of beer on weekends and bottles of booze now i get to the point where i have to have a drink to wash to iron to cook to talk people will start pulling me up on the carpet why do you drink the way you do why do your act the way you don't you have a beautiful home it was a house not a home You have every material thing that any woman wanted Yes, I did Mr. Bailey happened to be a furrier And every time I had a period of dryness He'd make me another fur coat And one year, girls He made me the most gorgeous leopard coat You ever laid your eyes on He threw a party for the job He brought the coat home and threw it out on the bed And I looked at that coat And I hated it I gave it away I said he made it so he could spot me anywhere you know and i'm gonna tell you in sobriety i wished i had that coat of many a time i'll be honest with you it's so gorgeous so of course i kept drinking and now i watched the change come over me i began to curse every word came out of my mouth was a curse word i watched another change i began the fight everything and everybody i watched another change. I began to leave my house from one day to three weeks at a time, being beaten to a pulp so many times that I couldn't come out of my apartment because I'm nasty now. And of course, one of my neighbors pulled me up on the carpet. She says, I'm very much ashamed to live next door to somebody like you. I bought this house to get away from people like you would you mind telling me what's the matter with you? You're blasting records at two or three in the morning. You're fighting, you're cursing, you slamming cab doors and stuff. And I says, Oh, Jim Lee, I suffer with my nerves. And she suggested that I drink rum. Isn't that nice? I left Jim Lee standing in my little bitty kitchen and I ran around to the Empire liquor store and I bought me a bottle of rum. I want one of you drunks please to tell me how in the hell that I wake up in Brycliffe, New York with the rum. I live in Jamaica. How did I get to Bryclife, New Yorke? I can never tell you. A lady took me in off the streets named Wig and I became a booze fighter. I'd put a shot in my coffee in the morning and I'd call it Coffee Royal. I'd hide the bottle. I don't care where I hid it. I find it and I drink it. And I used to stick it up in the old-fashioned toilet tanks. I don' t know if some of you can date you back that far. and I'd be running up and down that thing drunk all day drinking that cold liquor and when she'd come home I'd be urping and burping and the poor soul didn't know what to do for me so one night she sat me down by the fire she said you know Liz you are a beautiful person but drinking is your problem she says I put my husband out of here for his drinking and I had another thing wrong with me I suffered with guilt and remorse Every time I came up off a drunk, I'd say, there, you've done it again. And I'd die a thousand deaths because I used to be on my knees to Mr. Bailey, please, Daddy, forgive me. I don't want to act like this. I don' t want to be like this and he'd tell you 20 minutes to an hour I'd be off to the races again. And I remember so clearly that I decided after this woman lectured to me in front of the fireplace I was going to sit in the Catholic church all day I'm not going to touch a drop because I'm going to peel her potatoes and I'm going to get her dinner started. Well, I sat in the church till 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I walk out the church right into the bar and I say to the bartender, give me one to relax. I'm going to peel this lady's potatoes tonight. Give me two to get started because I've got to peel this ladies potatoes tonight Well, when I drank, they gave the third drink free And you don't walk out on a free drink That's not nice And then I've got to buy one back to look good You know that And by the time I get to the fourth or the fifth drink The hell with her and her potatoes Let's roll So you know the lady never got any potatoes from me I called up Mr. Bailey He banged the phone upon me Because I'm away from my three beautiful children And my neighbor, I called her and she started to beg me, Liz, please come home. Your little girl won't eat, and she's calling for you. So a cold winter night in March, I went back to New York. And when I came in, Mr. Bailey had my things packed in brown bags and shopping bags, and he threw me right out the front door. And now I'm sleeping in unfinished basements. Don't drink down there! Don't smoke down there!" And I'd take care of the children in the day and back to the basements until he'd let me back in. Now, I remember one morning waking up with my head coming off my body. I took a raw egg and put it in the beer. I took Alka-Seltzer. I took Anacin. I took BCs. I took aspirins. I took everything to straighten my head out, and I couldn't get it straightened. I reached over and grabbed the Bible off my night table, and I thought maybe I'll find the answer in the Bible how to straighten this rotten life of mine up. And as I did that, Mr. Bailey passed my room and he started, put that Bible down, you hypocrite. Put it down. 20 minutes to an hour, you'll be so drunk slapping a kid down. He was right. But I'm going to tell you something. I'm the same way in AA. Nobody but nobody gets in the way of me staying sober. I feel the sameway. You didn't get in theway of me getting a drink. You don't getin' away of me stayin' sober. I'll step all over you and around you and in front of you. Believe me when I tell you. And so, again, I'm sick. And he's got his mouth calling. And they hop in a cab, he says. And the cab drivers used to say, please take somebody else's cab. It took me three days to clean up my cab behind you. I wanted to know who the hell did he think he was. I paid 50 cents to get in that cab. Tell me who to take. And then he said, you'll be swinging a corner. And he was right. I'd be swinging corners. I didn't know which corner I was going half the time. And then, of course, now this is the first time I thought of suicide. I literally ran and jumped up in the second floor window. And as I'm ready to throw my body down into the yard, there's a little lady named Nana Baca. And she spots me standing up in this window. And she starts to scream, Mr. Bailey! Mr. Bailey! You better get her! She's gonna jump! And his head comes out the next window. I'm in this one. He comes out the next window, and I see his hands come out. He says, Nana, will you let that bitch jump? He says I'll be rid of all my problems and all my troubles. Let that bitch job. Well, I looked over at him. I wanted to know who the hell did he think he was? I guarantee you I got down out of that window. I got back into bed, and not pull the sheet over me and slept that one off. I continued to drink. Girls, don't ever fry a frozen chicken trunk. Don't do that. I knocked the grease over and burned up both of my legs. Broken fingers. Sliced up arms. Just every time you looked, Mary Macklett, the good sisters, was patching me up and fell down the basement steps and busted my ribs and Mr. Bailey stepped over me and went to work. I swore he whipped me until I came to AA. The man never touched me, stepped over me and went to work. And here I can't get up with the busted ribs. And the good sisters said to me one day, Miss Bailey, please, would you please come to an alcoholic clinic on a Tuesday morning? It went in this air and out that air, and I took every problem I had to Sutton's Barn Grill on 177th Street and Jamaica Avenue. That's where you could find me at any time. I'm watching me go down. I had a lousy $2 beer drunk. I came in, and Mr. Bailey says, look at this. You're drunk again? No dinner? I said, man, I've asked you not to argue with me. I've ask you to keep quiet when I come in here off these drunks and say no, don't say too much to me, please. I said do me a favor. See me up to the bed. I remember him walking me three steps, and I came to, there was a policeman sitting at the foot of me. my front two teeth was doing like this I had a black slack suit on and a gold coat and blood was all over the front and it took me three days to find out that I had tried to kill Mr. Bailey in the blackout that's why I had to be busted in the mouth it took another three days to find that I was in Kings County Hospital and a big man standing in the door did like this to me and I went over to him and he asked me questions And there's a higher power because how I answered those questions, I don't know. And he says to Mr. Bailey, take her home. So as he was bringing me home, I said to him, don't lay down. Please don't lie down. I'm going to get you if you lay down for bringing me to some King's County. Well, you know, he sat up in chairs for three nights. He better had because I might have gotten him if he laid down, you Know. So he came to me one day, and he says, You know, Liz, you're the nicest wife when you're sober. Drunk, you are a Jekyll and a Hyde. Why don't you try this AA? When you desire a drink, run over to the phone, pick up the phone and call somebody to talk you out of the drink. I'm not going into the flowery words of what I said to Mr. Bailey. But you know what I told him to do with AA, don't ya? Okay, you know, because he walked away from me because Dr. Granager had said, I want you to go home and tell Mrs. Bailey that she's either going to drink herself to death, she's going to drinking herself into a mental institution, or she will drink herself into Alcoholics Anonymous. And once you tell her that, keep your big mouth shut and take care of Mr. Bailey. I praise the Lord and hallelujah and amen that he never but never mentioned AA again to me. And, of course, I continued to drink for another eight to ten months. I'm going to say this right now, too, because it's important that I say it. Once you have ever walked into a room of Alcoholics Anonymous, you never drink or drug in peace again. You cannot do it because you have walked into the solution. And just think that 50 years ago when I was out there in that street, there was no help for me. Nobody talked about alcoholism. There was no hospitals for me to go to, no detoxes, no halfway homes, nothing that you have today. Can you appreciate the counselors and the people that youhave today to give you that start? Because it wasn't out there for me, no, it wasn' t. I'd say good morning to you, and you'd say, what we drinking? I said, didn't I just say good mornin'? What we chippin' in for? That's all I heard all the time from wherever I turned. And so when I'm going to tell you now about my last drink, because it's so cool over here. I told the girls today you don't talk in stuff like this. I hope you're not looking at this scarf and listening to me, because usually you look at this kind of stuff, you know, and you don'T listen to the speaker. You wear plain clothes in speaking anywhere you go. You stand up and speak. You don't sit down and speak You don' t see the president and all those guys in Washington sitting down They're talking, standing up to you And these are the things I had to learn I wish you'd have seen me when I first came to AA I had slits on the side and low cut backs And my fur was thrown And I was switching all over AA I had the men just trailing me And, you know, a priest sent me a message. Father Kelly said, ask that broad what she's doing in AA. I had to learn how to dress in here, I'll tell you. I'll telling you, I was a mess when I got here. But my last drink now, I'm drinking with hard two-fist drinkers in the VFW Hall. And there was a lady coming to sell some insurance. Now this is my last Drink I'm telling you about. And I really wanted to see Ms. Lynn, Mom, because I know me now. Once I pick up a drink, I'm not in the position to tell you what's happening to me behind it or where I'm even going to wake up. My kids used to say, Ma, you did this, and Ma, why are they lying on me? They are lying on Me. I couldn't have done those things that my children even told me I was doing. But, you know, I got sober and found out that they weren't lying on Mee. And this is another thing I would like to say to anyone. Get sober so you can see how sick you were. As long as you stay in the source, you'll never get a chance to see how thick you were if getting sober helps you. And so again, I wanted to see Ms. Lindbaum. I hadn't seen her since I was 8 years old. She was going to sell some insurance for the house. Remember, I never called this a home. There was no love there. There was nothing there with me being drunk there all the time. And so I got a phone call, and I heard the guy's voice, and I banged up on him. He called me back the second time. I said, man, don't bug me. There's a lady coming here, and I haven't seen her since I'm eight years old, and I really want to stay here and see this lady. I bang the phone down the second times. I remember going around to the store, and I came back. He was on the phone for the third time. He said, Liz, do me a favor. Hop a cab. I'll introduce you to the people. I'll put you back in the cab, and I'll send you home to your company. I figured, well, let me do that because he's going to drive me up a wall today. I got in the cabin. I went over to the post on 110th and Merrick Road. The bulls started lining up, and the jukeboxes going, and I'm singing, You Always Hurt the One You Love. The one you don't want to hurt at all, give me another drink. Smile if you're happy, give him another drink." I could sing them a Weepin' Harry songs. And I'm 74, and I haven't seen Miss Lindbaum till yet. I don't know what the woman even looks like. I was always hoping she'd be in one of these rooms, you know? But I woke up in one of my son's twin beds. Now, my second son was always good to me. He had the pan ready. He nursed me back with soups and salads. And when I woke up in his bed, my mom is at the foot of the bed and Mr. Bailey's at the foot of the bed. And my mom's got her head going like this and she's screaming to the rooftops somebody done done something to her. Somebody done done something to her and then I look over at Mr. Billy, he's got his head going and he's saying no mom, no mom nobody's done anything to her. She happens to be a very sick girl well he didn't call me bitch, you know my name was bitch don't you? Okay He said, I was a sick girl. Something went all over my entire body. I got up out of the bed and I went to the basement of the house. I stayed in the basement for two days praying to die. I wanted out. And I looked at my oldest son, 12 years old, sitting there, and I said, Richard, I can't live like this. This is not the way I want to live. I'm going to go up on the Long Island Railroad. I'm going to jump in front of a train, and I'm just going to end it all. And I started to scream in, oh God, oh God, please help me, help me. I've never screamed to God so as I did that night in that basement. And I found, if you listen closely in these rooms, every drunk cries out to God. Every drunk cries out for God at the end of their drinking. and he answers. And he answered me that night when I cried out to him, and I said to my son, I'm going to try this AA that your father told me about. I took the telephone book down, and I called, and they didn't have anyone to send me, but I got myself together, and I went into Manhattan, 28th Street and Lexington Avenue. Now, when I came to AA, there were very few women in AA, and that's why they didn't have anyone to send me. Very few. There was 150,000 members when I came to AA. So I've been privileged to watch it go into the 2 million or more, and that is something beautiful that I've lived to say to you and everybody. But here again, I went into Manhattan, and here, give this to Mom. No, sweetie. Add a little bit more. And I got into the vestibule because there was over the bar, the intergroup was. And I get in the vestbule and I said, The hell with AA. And then I said no, you've taken bus subway, you run two blocks trying to get up the stairs again. And I go into the middle of the landing and as I went to turn to go down into the bar a lady looked down the stairs at me and she says, Are you having trouble? I said yes ma'am. and I ran up the stairs to her because I was having trouble getting up the stairs. And I ran up to her, she escorted me in the front part of the office and she sat me down and she started to tell me about her life. Oh my god I got goose pimples and chills I started to fall off the chair. Who talks about themselves like this? You know? Oh my God My mother says put it in a drawer under a rug Put it in the closet said, please, don't you dare go out and tell anybody about yourself. You got the black eyes, the busted mouths or the fights in your house. And she says to me, you know, Liz, it's the first drink. I said, oh, come on, honey. I've been drinking for 19 years. She said, no, Liz. When you pick up one drink of any type of alcohol, even down to cough medicine, it is only a matter of time that a compulsion sets up inside of you that you have to go all the way. Boy, did she snap me between the eyes. I've seen myself take two drinks on a Monday, two lousy drinks on a Tuesday. You're looking for me. Wednesday, I'd go to Gert's department store and I'd buy a fifth. Ooh, drank the whole fifth and nothing happened. Went back there Thursday and bought me another bottle. Friday, I'm knitting without needles. Have any of you knitted without needles? But I'm knitting and I'm walking up and down and I've got to go get that drink to get me back in focus. And she said we do it one five minutes, one ten minutes, an hour, one day at a time. Dear God, may you get the concept of one day at a time it works it works beautiful give us life is full of yesterdays and no tomorrows your life is just today and I like it when I hear make the best of each day that you can I keep a sign up in my house that says have a good day unless you've made other plans you want to be happy you can be happy You want to be miserable? You can be miserable. It's all up to you, see? And so there again, she said we do meetings, meetings, meetings, and she said, We do it with a sponsor. Now today, don't one of you in this room give me an excuse that you can't find a sponsor out of 2 million people. There's got to be somebody good for you in one of these rooms, I'm telling you. And it's a we can do together what you could never do alone. and you respect your sponsor. And if you don't care for that sponsor, dismiss with love. With love and get another one because everybody's not good for everybody. I'm not good für everybody because, man, I'll lay it on you. I'll tell you truth. And I have to tell you true because otherwise it eats at me. See? And so I have always be truthful with you. And there again, she gave me the choice of two meeting places. And this one will knock your socks off now. I get, I don't know, my hair used to stay drunk, girls. I could never keep my hair done. My beautician would get so angry with me. She said, you just got out the chair and look at your hair already. Alcohol went straight to my head, see? And Mr. Bailey would give me money for clothes. I never looked too tough. So now I'm going to AA. So I go get my hair down nice, and I buy a little two-piece blue suit, and I go off to my first AA meeting. and as I'm walking towards these girls behind the coffee counter and I'm only mimicking them, I'm not making fun of them they looked up at me and said you don't look like an alcoholic I said what the hell did I get myself into let me get the hell out of here and I start running out the room and thank God we always kept two people at the door yes, yes, two people at the floor and as I'm going out the room, this man hits me over on the shoulder and he says to me, what's the matter with you? Where are you going? I said, those girls said I don't look like an alcoholic. I don'T know what an alcoholic looks like because, you know, my company never talked like that. I said but I'm about to lose my mind, my home, my children and everything through drinking. He said have a seat, sweetie. You're in the right place and they put two tables together that night and each member sat around and shared their strength, hope, and experience with me. It's but for the grace of God. Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon! And don't any of you ever knock Al-A-Non to me because we have a family disease and that other half needs to be taken care of. I've been a member of Al-А-Nan for 39 years. for 39 years I've been a because I'm going to tell you why I became a member of Al-Anon because here again AA, Al-A-Norn, Alateen, Alatot, OA, GA, PA, NA, EA, FA the only A I haven't spoken to is Sex Anonymous. I refuse to go to Seattle Washington to put my sex on that tape to come across this United States, okay? Because I do have a family. And he wrote me an 11-page letter. He was so full of resentment that I wouldn't come. That's his problem. I don't have to do that. And you know, July the 11th, 1952 is when I came to AA and I just celebrated 43 years of beautiful sobriety. Thank you. Yes. And I'm ever grateful that they taught me not to get sober for anyone but for myself. Thank you, God, that you taught me that. Because my mother couldn't stand me saying I was an alcoholic. It took my mom 29 1⁄2 years of my sobriety to tell me to stay with them A's, whatever they are. See? And I don't plan to leave these A's. I'll tell you. I know where my life is. see? Mr. Bailey couldn't stand me sober. He took the first 10 years, and that cat worked all the time to get me back in the streets of New York, but you didn't tell me to stay sober for Mr. Bailey. 33 years ago, I had the honor and privilege of speaking for our late co-founder Bill Wilson at the Hotel Commodore that night to 2,700 people, and I asked Mr. Bailey to sit on the is with me and he told me to get myself another husband for that night and my girlfriend said you're going to ask him again i said hell no i'm the speaker you know and so the day of two before the big dinner he said what time should i be there tomorrow and i said you go at three because my sponsor don't want me to gets there that early now i had a beautiful sponsor for 28 years and I used to whine and cry to her and here's what she'd say to me listen Liz Bailey AA don't need you but you need AA I'd cry and then I'd go back and whine some more and she'd tell me sit on that pot or get up off it she didn't say it that nice you know and I'm so happy that woman was rough with me because if she had a pamp at me she'd have pampered me right back out in the street you see and I know that about me But we don't treat everybody the same. You treat a person according to their personalities. And there again, I left Mr. Bailey 33 years ago because he asked me to please leave after I spoke for Bill. And I moved to a room, room and kitchenette, and then to an apartment. And I stayed out of that house for 24 years. And I went back after 24 years to take care of Mr. Billy in his last days. I have stood on these platforms for so many years telling you how much I love Mr. Bailey I really loved him it took me to get sober to realize the good that that man was and the good was that he kept the house he kept everything together while I was in the streets of New York and I felt so good that I could go back and really take care of him at the end of his life oh, it was so beautiful He asked me to take his hand one day, and I did in Sloan's Kettering Hospital because I went every day to shampoo his hair, do his nails, kept him lotioned so he wouldn't get bed sores. I took him cards and flowers to uplift him. I just loved him. And he said to me, take my hand, and i did. And he says, you know, i want to thank you for coming and feeding me every day and really taking care of me. He said, because i would have been dead long ago. And he says, you know, Liz, I love you. And I said, oh, Jesus, it took me 47 years to hear that. Oh, God. I said don't give up, girls, before the miracle, I'm telling you. Oh, my God. Oh, I scared the patient in the next bed even. I screamed so. And so I was happy that I could be with Mr. Bailey on his last days and his last breath even. The doctor called me and said it was countdown time. And I was grateful that I could be with him Now, I had a son I have an oldest son Who has hated me for all my sobriety And he's let me know That he will never forgive me or forget me And I had to come into these rooms And learn how to forgive myself For the ignorance You've got to remember I was ignorant as far as alcohol and alcoholism I knew nothing about it I came in here to learn about the ism even, you know. And I found it took me five years to find a higher power. And I've found a God in here who has forgiven me 70 times 7. So any man, any woman, any child wants to hold my past over my head, I let it be their problem. It is not my problem. I've been forgiven for the damage that I did. And I did a lot of damage. See? And I know that. Now, I love my son. He doesn't have to love me, but I love him. And I pray every night on my knees for him. Now, I had an alcoholic son and an addict son. And I used to say to Dennis, Dennis, the right road may be hard, but you'll be the winner. This is for you young dudes. And the easy road, the price is heavy. And Dennis chose the easy road. And 25 years ago, June 25th at 2 o'clock in the morning, Dennis was shot and killed. He left a beautiful wife and two children. I had a beautiful sister six weeks after him. I tried to talk to her. I put praying hands around her neck. I'd take her to my clothes closet and let her pick clothes and everything. And I begged her on the corner of Hollis Avenue one day, please leave Mama so you can live. she had five children. She went into Manhattan and jumped 30 floors right after my son's death. Then I had a nephew right after that get shot and killed on Amsterdam Avenue. I had cousin who lived in Connecticut, who was too smart. Your intellect will kill you. And he was too small for this group for AA in and out like a yo-yo. Somebody beat him to death two years ago. So I was going through one tragedy after the other, but praise God, I had you and I didn't have to drink about any of these things. I've gone up and had six operations, and I've had three operations in six weeks for cancer. And the doctor looked at me and he says, I'm giving you six months to live. I said, hey, hold it. You don't talk to me like that. The doctor teaches me I live one time. I'm now 28 years an arrested cancer patient. Yeah. Yeah. I was 46 years old and I'm 74, right? So that shows you. And my motor's running fine, you know? I've never had a car in my whole sobriety. And every night a different white dude picks me up and my neighbors say, oh my God, from a drunk to this. What is she putting down and a couple of weeks ago i went to speak at a hospital and this guy drives up in a sports car and my new puerto rican neighbors saw me get in his car and drive off to speak at one o'clock meeting at north shore hospital and the next day he wouldn't speak to me my neighbor and he pulled his child away from me so i told his mother i'm going to get my puerto rican friend to come and tell you what kind of life I live. I'm no prostitute. Me don't care what kind of house you got. Me don' care what you do, she said. I told her, I said, I'm out trying to help people because I'm flying out of my house every weekend. This is my 24th state that I've done in a short time now and I've been to Canada twice to do their 50th and I'm going to go and I went to three islands in Hawaii and I just go wherever you call me to go god has been so good he takes me safely he uses me mightily and he brings me back to my home safely and so i live a tremendous good life i have a beautiful daughter that i stopped drinking when she was five she doesn't remember me as an active alcoholic and i'm so grateful for that but you know she's had six mental breakdowns and she's just coming out for six and i've been trying to help her with the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. She's just graduated from Molloy College. She is in another college for a while, taking up computer. She drives her car. She has a beautiful apartment in Kew Gardens and she's living a tremendous good life. And she hangs on to me like a 32-cent stamp. And you know, she says, can I go to the store with I said, yes, come on. Well, you know, you prayed me back, she says, so it's all right. She's doing all right, and I try to tell her I love her, and then I have a beautiful AA baby. She is 39 years old, and you know I named her after AA, Adrian Anita, and about 18 years ago, she turned to be a Muslim, and she changed her name to Aisha. Aisha has had 12 babies. She has lost six, and she's got six left and you know she comes down to new york maybe twice a year she doesn't eat like we do she reads labels and all this stuff and uh we went into um we went into the amp and she got a shroud on and her face is covered and the cashier says oh it's a stick up it's a stick-up because i got a black hat on in a black coat And I went to the floor of the A&P in hysterics. So coming back on the subway, she says to me, Mother, oh, she speaks so proper since she lives in Boston, you know? And she says, Mother, are you accepting me as a Muslim? I said, honey, join who-dism, boo-dizm, I really don't care who's ism, as long as it helps you be a better person. I am not raising any more children. I have 12 grandchildren that I see by appointment only. And I mean it. I'm not babysitting. No way. Again, I have two great-grands that I never dreamt that I would ever see. But God has been good to me. I just came out of my ninth operation. It will be two years January coming up. And they opened me and they closed me back. and I've never seen anybody open and close back that can tell you about it they cut me all holes in the shoulder on the side, I had tubes coming from everywhere and I called a nurse in one night I said I want to make a confession to you I believe in God I've tried to live a good life but I believe that I'm dying she said oh Miss Bailey, don't tell God when to take you, he know when to take you. I said, let me shut up with this woman. She come back and she said, good morning, Miss Bailey. How are you? I said I don't know. I seem to die in the night but I sure come alive in the day. And so my daughter didn't think that I was going to come through it either and she said to the social worker, get my mother one of them bracelets to put on her and my mother's not going to be able to do anything anymore. Look at her, she's just pitiful. And so I said to Ms. Springer, I said, Ms. Springers, let me tell you, as soon as they take these tubes all out of me, I'm up in the air again. And to show you, within two years, I've covered 24 states. Canada, see? All over. For anyone that has cancer in here tonight, please, just know it's no secret what God can do. What he does for others, he can do for you. With his arms wide open, he'll see you through. Take your faith of a mustard seed and talk to him like you would talk to anyone because he says, call upon me and I will answer you. I'll heal your mind. I will heal your body and I'll guide you in all that you do. He's the way, he's the truth, and he's the life and your fifth chapter even tells you if you're seeking a god please find one now because it'll help you and you know my first five years here i did not talk to a god because all hell broke loose with me getting sober and i couldn't understand this hell and i suffered with deep deep depressions isolation i cried a lot i had migraine headaches where I couldn't lay my head on the pillow. I made seven meetings a week and three times on Sunday. I don't care how sick I was. I would walk into an AA room, and I would get well because God is above AA whether you like it or not, and I don' t want to hear one of you ever tell me to deny saying God, and I do' n't want you to tell me that he's not above this room tonight and AA as a whole because we used to give out a pin in Jersey that had God on the top, the G, and me, the little dot in the middle, and the two A's. And I used to say if I keep one hand in God and I keep the other one in AA, I don't have a hand to pick up the drink to walk this journey. Some broad in the Bronx says she would have sucked it through a straw, so what can I tell you? What can I say? What can they say? And I didn't start to get well in AA until I started to let this higher power. And my spiritual awakening was to learn that greater is he that is in me than he that is out there in the world. And I can talk to my Father any time and place that I choose, and that's the blessing that I've received here. And I got spiritually hungry. I was hungry for the Word. I was hungry for the truth. And I startedto go in and out of prayer meetings. And AA taught me AA and home, AA and your job, AA and socializing And AA and religion If you can't go back Please don't let the churches pull you out of AA They'll try to do that Like the ministers looked at me And said oh Sister Bailey You're not an alcoholic anymore I said I might be saved But I'm not cured And they said oh we've been sitting in denial For years I've been privileged to talk to ministers And rabbis here lately At the town hall The commissioner has called me to do this and you know I love carrying the message to them and they love me just like I love them but here again, I've been on a terrific journey please don't let this happen to you it took me 20 years in AA to get the key to my life and that was after having a heart attack my throat cut from ear to ear two glands taken out, I couldn't speak I said Lord are you through with me talking oh honey he brought me back so powerful you'd come up off that floor if I let go I've seen you come up out them chairs when I let that power that 11th step tells us that the power is within you to carry it out, it is, you can call on that power anytime you choose and there again I said to myself look at this with my heart attack and my throat cut, I said look at this i've got to seek god first and his kingdom and his righteousness for all things to be added unto me i get up at two three four o'clock in the morning whatever time i go to the laboratory and come back that's when i drop to my knees and i make him first i get under his blood i touch the hem of his garment for my health for my house and this is for me this is my opinion in my life that has kept me going and it's really something like i said at the old timers today at 74 i'm glad to be anywhere you know because i don't have to be any place i can be sitting at home wearing out instead of right you know i'm gonna rust out if i sit at home i'm going to wear out before i leave here but see god isn't ready for me and i'm to tell you i admit and i accept and i surrender to the fact that i am an alcoholic and i used to run around and tell you that i had a choice to drink but i don't care what goes with it today and a man with 35 years got me up in front of 200 people in kane pennsylvania and he had over 35 years of sobriety when he did this to me at the holiday inn in kaine pennsyvania he says liz barely i'm damn sick of you coming here twice a year. He had me there for 16 years, twice a year, telling us that you have a choice to drink. And he opens up the book as Bill sees it. And Bill says, if you admit, you accept, and you surrender to the fact that you are an alcoholic, you have no choice to drink. You have a choose about many other things but not to drink." And so I don't switch around telling you I have a choice for many years now because he really straightened me out good that day. And you will take criticism in here, and if the criticism fits you, do something about it. If it don't, dismiss it. I have little granddaughter that's three years old, and they call their mother Umi. And she says, Umi, what are you cooking? Umi says, I'm cooking fish. She says, umi i don't like fish i like chicken so umi says well you better go pray about it so she walked away with her little hands up praying and in a few minutes she came back she said umi did that fish turn to chicken yet see and that's us because we pray about things we want it to happen the way we think it should see and i love that i went to the floor with that one too you know yeah but there again, I made that decision to turn my life and will over. It took me five years to do that. And then I've taken my inventory many times. The longer I'm sober, the more comes to the surface. I really have made amends to my loved ones. And most of my neighbors were so happy I stopped drinking. They kissed me all up in the head and all over my arms. And so I didn't have to worry about writing them out because they just showed me they was so happy that i stopped drinking and uh of course now i find that there's only one person i haven't made amends to in 43 years and that's my bartender i sent his children to college i bought him a new cadillac every year and he's got the most gorgeous home up here in vermont and it would injure me to give him the two dollars okay and that'S THE ONLY AMENDS I HAVEN'T MADE But when I'm wrong, I promptly admit it. Otherwise, it eats at me. And when I're right, I shut up. I don't try to prove to any of you where I'm coming from. I must respect every level of everybody in here where you're at. And I'm so sick of them back in New York telling people, why aren't you on the fourth step? Why aren't your on this step? Why aren' you doing this? Uh-uh, they didn't do that to me in AA. day. One guy down there will give you a reading assignment. I couldn't keep two thoughts together when I got here. In other words, he'd give you written test and I was shaking like this when I get here. I had to take B12s every other day. And then he tests you. And if you don't pass his test, he don't bother with you. See that burns me up because I brought you drunks into my home and I would take care of he or she until you could get on your feet. and then when you got on your feet i took you to seven meetings a week and three times on sunday but i never sobered up anybody but me you see but i think that you should grow at god's pace here god knew when i was supposed to come to aa he knew everything up till today all the pains that i've had to go through the trials and tribulations he knows all about that but i'm gonna tell you something nice everything he's brought me through i come out stronger stronger each time so take the pain to gain fight the fight for the victory and on the bible in james 1 verse 12 it tells you and i that we're going to be tested upon tested in this life and if you pass the test he's got something good for you every time every time i love you oh god i love you i love you so much i hope you feel my love and you young people be the next legacy here please be the next legacy walk in ms bailey's footsteps they were gorgeous even with the pain because again everything i've had to gro w through has made me the woman that i am today I stand tall with dignity today. I'm treated with dignity everywhere I go, and I must never forget the days where nobody wanted me around. Don't tell her about it. Don't have her around. And don't tell me what God can do for me he can do for you. Go to your meetings that you don't want to go to. That's the one you get to zinger every time, every time. For all the service people that are here in this room tonight, I want to thank you for keeping AA going. Please keep up the good work that you're doing. I sit in all the meetings. I make six meetings this weekend while I'm here. It's a shame back in New York now if I call someone to take me to a meeting, I call five people since I don't have a car. Everybody comes up with excuses, and it never was like that. There used to be three cars standing on a corner, And if I wanted a meeting, all I did was go down and get into a car. We went to meetings by carloads. We washed dishes. They didn't have foam cups when I came here. We washed cups and sauces. We kept every place clean that opened their doors to us. We left it immaculate with appreciation. And the other night I spoke in Orange, New Jersey. And you know it was a shame. The girl asked for help to clean up the room, and nobody put their hand up she says it's the same three people but honey when i got through with them honey you should have seen them chairs and things maybe they moved i'm telling you they moved see and i let them know that's not right i picked up more coffee cups and things and swept me i've opened up four meetings in a clubhouse i've worked like a dog ever since i've been in and look at the beautiful life i have just gorgeous that i wouldn't trade it for the world If you're seeking sobriety, dear God, may you find it. And if you have sobrietry, dear God, maybe you keep it. But the only way you're going to keep it is get into action. Find somebody someplace to talk to. Now I love you young dudes. I hang out with young people. I'm sorry for that. And I don't mean to knock you senior citizens but I try to be with you senior citizen and you moan and you groan and you leave me depressed. And I'm not going to die for that 50 cent lunch. I am sorry. very sorry no I'm gonna hang out with them young dudes that give me life yes you do I love you for being in here and I hug the young guys and I always say to them get what my son didn't get okay my son lost his life because he went the easy way and our big book even tells you there's no softer easier way come in and give of yourself go down to intergroup and answer your phones because intergroup is what saved my life. That's where I went to get the message of how to come into AA. Remember then, if I, Liz Bailey, can just touch one of you, I'm not looking to save the world, if I can touch oneofyou tonight on my trip here, then I,Liz Bailey, I have not lived in vain. Thank you so much.