He Was the Mayor of Newcomerville – Deandre M.

It's a great pleasure to introduce our speaker person this evening from Southern California, and his name is DeAndre M. from the No Nonsense Group. My name is deAndre and I'm an alcoholic. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. My sobriety birthday is May the 29th of 91. My sponsor is Jimmy Moss and I'm a member of the No Nonsense Group, which is located in Redondo Beach, California. And good to be here. Welcome to all the new people. Congratulations for those who are celebrating moss zones and sobriete. And if you are a newcomer and you're in for a good little treat here, I'm a pretty god darn good speaker I hate to be new and go to a speaker meeting and have the speaker be horrible it would be terrible right what a great great great great group here man coming in here and people shaking my hand and just hugging and laughing and talking and moving and grooving And, man, I love it. I love that about this group already, man. It's a beautiful thing. If you're a newcomer, man please help these people help you, man keep coming back to this place. I'll go right into it I was born a poor black child. I grew up My mother, I'm going to watch my language. I don't want to. That's one of the ways you get invited back is you don't do a lot of cussing and stuff like that. I love the way the men and women are dressed here, those on the committee. And a shout out to Cliff. I mean, does everybody know? Cliff, can you stand up for a second, please? Does everybody know this? Can you clap for him? You guys, I mean, he's the only white man I know that can smile better than me. This guy, he got the biggest grin on it. This man has helped me. He called me, set it up. I was in New York. I had just spoken for the Atlantic Group, and I got the call, and I was really excited to see if we were going to fly you out there. We ate at Mimi's. Remind me of my old dealer, Bobo. Just a great, great, great, great guy, man. If you're new, try to find out why this guy is doing what he does. I met his sponsor, the gentleman come up and give a little history. Just, you know what? My story is real simple. I've been sober since my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous so far. So you're not going to hear a lot about my drinking, and it's not because I don't have alcoholism. It's because I'm in recovery, and I have a higher power that keeps me sober instead of wanting to drink. And it wasn't like that when I got here. And I grew up in a neighborhood over there. I grewup in a place called Watts. I tell people I'm from the south, south central Los Angeles. And I grew up down there, man, and it was hard out there, yo. And I wound up doing the things that I do. My mother made this. She's the first person I ever saw make alcohol look fun. She used to make this punch with Hawaiian punch concentrate and a wine called Spaniada. And when she couldn't get the SpaniADA, we would buy Tyrolia, which is like the sister wine and we'd pour that stuff in there she called it son of a bitch and that's probably the only cuss word I'll use and she said that this was what worked and we drank that and we laughed and they would play big whiz and spades which is a card game and we played that and they did that and we cleaned up after the party and we would fight each other I grew up with six kids my mother had six kids by six different men we grew up I don't know, I've never met my father I see some gentlemen in the back I'll be talking to you after the meeting laughter laughter I and I've worked the steps and I'm done what I need to do to make sure I'm just like you right? And that's all my story is about, is that I'm like you. That when I take a drink, I cannot control or do anything about the phenomenon of craving. I am allergic to alcohol. And it doesn't matter where I'm from or where I think I'm going, you know? And I wound up just drinking and drinking. I wound up living on 15th and St. Julian, which is known as Nickel, it's known as Skid Row and I wound up living down there at the age of 24 and I was willing to sell me, my brother's clothing and anything I could get my hands on to get that next drink you know, and I just loved it I remember the first time I went down there man, I got off the back of that bus I felt like that white lady in that movie The Sound of Music where she's twirling around on that hill Because when nobody down there messing with me And I could drink the way I needed to You know And I just got tired of people Always conversing about How I got loaded And what I needed To do I mean yeah I was stealing your stuff But that's different See I gotta get loaded And that's what I did I just did it because it did it to me, you know. Got a great obsession, right? Kind of like a 900-pound gorilla. And making love to that gorilla, man. You ain't done until the gorilla's done, baby. You can run in and out of here and collect all these different sobriety dates. You can switch sponsors every time and switch feelings. You can come... No, I'm saying, you can come and evaluate the group. You can evaluate me right now. But if that gorilla's not done, that's the way it is and I'm here to share that John Barleycorn broke foot off in my ass I did John Barlycorn reminds me of FICA when I'm getting paid when I work you don't know what's happening it's just missing and I just remember not being able to deal with it, if that makes any sense. I couldn't, you know, I wanted to be good. My mother raised us and my brother works for the federal government. I got a sister, she's a postal worker. I got, we all, we were supposed to be good. And I wound up bad. You know, and alcohol whooped me, you knows, fairly well. And what happened for me is you people. I woundup in a place called Warm Springs Rehabilitation Center. And I went up on that hill, man, and men and women like you and the community that the people you see dress like the way they're dressed, doing the things they're doing, hand out those cookies and stuff, that's what they did on H&I, man. And I was interested. And then the big book on page 25 tells me, am I allowed to read from the book in the AA meeting? Okay, I just want to make sure. I speak a lot of places, man And you pull out this book, and it's like, the power of alcohol compels you, you know. They don't want the book. They don' t want us to use the book, they want us to use feelings on how do you feel? That's how you're going to stay sober. And our feelings didn't end in the flying blind period. This book did. and everybody's high off how they feel and it's annoying and I'm yelling because people run in and out of here and they say they don't hear stuff you're not going to have a problem with that tonight I didn't hear it you know The loud black guy from L.A. was yelling at the top of his lungs that a higher power could help me, and I couldn't hear him. People are not going to believe you. And on page 25 it just says that there is a solution. It says almost none of us like self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. Like, a bottle of tequila ain't going to do nothing to me until I consume it. You know, I got to consume it If you're a newcomer, we want you to consume this stuff. Yes, we are trying to trick you into doing it. Yes, I needed to have my brain washed when I got here. Filthy! Filthy things need to be washed. But we saw that it really worked in others. Like the guy who read the history, like Cliff who picked me up from the airport. His wife standing there originally a member of the committee. Those people lined up at that door. You know those cookies didn't fall out of the sky tonight. Somebody made that coffee. People are going to clean up after this meeting. You know, and I'm just, this false sense of entitlement based on these other businesses and companies that everybody wants to compare AA to is disgusting! We do this for fun and for free because this is who we got to be. And that's why we say, come join us, man. We're not going to join you. My original sponsor told me, we don't want what you have, Bubba. We're trying to get rid of it. And it really sounded like a condemning... Because nowadays it's like, will you rub my back and give me 100 pounds of salmon and can I get some aromatherapy and give me some kind of, I need something other than that's what's going to end the flying blind that I'm doing in my life. Give me something else. You know, if you're a newcomer, I've been sober for over two decades. That's over five presidential terms. I am getting so tired of certain things that I must share it. You unsatisfied customers of Alcoholics Anonymous, the way you become a satisfied customer in Alcoholics Aonimous is to get involved and do Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the worst spectator sport in the world, and I mean it. especially when my dry ass don't be doing it. I get a little dry, you know. I live over by Griffith Park in L.A., and every once in a while somebody runs over a skunk. And you know what that smells like. This ain't me, now keep reading. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe. Somebody took a second step, come to believe come to believe we came to believe we saw something working we came to believe in it and that's how I drank man I saw my mother doing that stuff I came to believe in that if you're a newcomer watch us don't even listen to us in fact block me up right now but watch us man watch the men and women that come here every week watch the men and women that sit through that committee meeting to make this meeting not so damn weak. Watch the guys that show up early and leave late. Don't listen, just watch! You know? We saw something is what it says. You know, I don't always hear stuff. Some people talk so loud you can't hear them. But I was watching those men and women in my original home group. And When I talk crazy to those people and disrespect somebody, somebody got in my face and reminded me about this place. What are we here for? And it goes on to read that we saw that it really worked in others and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and the futility of life as we had been living it. Talk about step one. See, an honest step one means that nobody's going to keep me from step two. Nobody. and everybody wants to do all this stuff and this program is about action man and on it's first step means that you can't do nothing to keep step two away from me cause I was so dark inside now inside let's get that straight and that loneliness that only we know about, that's why we laughing if you're new and you ain't laughing it's probably because you're still that lonely but that darkness and that inability to stop the drinking I could stop feeling I could stop knowing I could stop seeing but I couldn't stop drinking see I wanted to even stop living I mean if that's what you call what I was doing, I steal from my own mother and smoke cigarettes off the ground I needed what these people had found now everybody's not coming here like that and that's why everybody doesn't get to share at the same damn time if you're a newcomer it's just my turn to talk tonight that's all And it goes on to say, and the reason why I love this paragraph is because of this one. When therefore we were approached by those whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. What does that really mean? That not only do I got to take a first and a second step, But through sponsorship and a healthy group that's going to provide a healthy first step experience for a new guy or gal that gets here, I need you people to walk through the fear of that third step prayer and those columns in that inventory. See? And I can't just find God and then bam. You know? I already had a chance to do that before I met you people, and it didn't work. Now, I'm not getting ready to get into any kind of a 10th tradition breaking jihad with anybody about a higher power. I refuse to go there. But all I'm sharing is in my fourth chapter in my big book, it tells me that no one can fully define God. And I'm very leery of people who can fully divine God. They make me nervous. They scare me! And so I bring my behind here to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm sharing that AA is not a place to go, it's a thing to do, man. And it puts a little pep in your step. And the next thing you know, you don't really know a whole lot, but it feels like you're in the solution and you ain't even got the answer to all your problems. And when they call you before they get to ask you, you're already thinking about how to say yes and sort of no. And then the next thing you know you're interested in whether somebody else is going to grow. And that feeling of uselessness and self-pity is going to leave the table, because the self-fitting pleasure feels the same. It feels the SAME! The only way it feels different is to have a different personality going through one of them. On page 84 in the big book, I'm going to refer to the book a lot, okay? And the reason why is because I don't want to slide blindly. I flew on the plane today. I am so grateful that that pilot had vision. I don' t want to fly blindly, right? People don't like the book, okay, and it's not because the book is bad, okay. The reason why people are uncomfortable with the book is because they don't look at what's on page 115. It's the most spoken book about in the program and the less read. And I'm here to share that after about 10 or 15 years sober, if you're really involved in this work, Without judging, without acting like AAPD, you know when people don't read this book. You know! You know, you know! And it's not something you can judge. It's just something in the stomach, man. When people are not, they they can't even refer to it. They want to come to our meetings and quote all this other stuff. And yeah, from the no-nonsense point of view, we shut it down. We say, no! You want to read poetry? Get your own studio and start reading that! No, we stick to art, what belongs to us in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm sorry if I'm offending anybody. I'll tell you, the magnificence of a 10-step is using yours truly to really get it done. I'm very annoying and very opinionated and very much in need of a sponsor. That's why I have one, right? So all I'm sharing real quick is that if you read the promises on page 84 before the 10th step, there's one thing that's really been troubling me and I put it and connected it with the first tradition. And there's also something in the fourth tradition I'm going to read. And then I'm gonna close it. I'm trying to navigate the new people through what I'm about to do so they don't really have to deal with the fact that they haven't really been dealing with the facts. Most people come to AA based on how they feel. and they also leave here that way, too. See, it didn't satisfy me to tell me that I was just mild adjusted to life because I grew up over in the projects. That didn't satisfy me, man. I still drink. You know, it did satisfy me when I started going to school and started working. I done loved jobs in sobriety. It doesn't satisfy you It doesn' t satisfy me, men. I'm a styrofoam cup with a little hole in the bottom And no matter what you pour in, it's coming out, baby. Spirituality jumping off right here. See? And I see people rise to the occasion of being amazed about themselves. And that's not what this big book says. When it talks about being amazed and the promises, it says that I'm going to be amazed before I'm halfway through. With what? The steps. This program. That committee. These people. That group that's hosting this meeting tonight. I'm going to be amazed that a guy came all the way from Southern California knowing full well that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of all his trouble, and he got on that plane anyway. See? I'm gonna be amazed at the fact that people can come here with three days and wind up with over 30 years. I'm gunna be amazed that we can get together, man. I'm telling you, the police department in this area They really don't understand how much of a break they have tonight by having our butts in the air. And I'm going to be amazed that this works. And I's going to amaze that the only people it don't work for is the people that don't stick around to get it done. And I'll gonna be amazed at the highest rank in the program is sober. See, I'm going to be amazed about something other than my bankrupt idealist legend in my own mind. That is insane. I'm gonna be more amazed about other stuff besides all of that. And it tells me that in the book, man. I've been known to do exorcism in meetings. but I want to read this one promise that's really been making me really look at my selfishness it says we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows can I share about that for a little minute me and my friend walked into that room that you guys helped us have tonight and that's not the way I'm supposed to be not the stuff I had to make amends for. Don't nobody even know you never met Cliff before in the world, but I'm amazed at what transpires when we just cooperate. Never mind conforming, that's got to come later. It takes time, things I must experience. But just cooperation. We walk in that room and it's beautiful and then Cliff spent his whole life you know we go eat and they're going to take us back I mean all of that stuff is about like losing interest in selfish things the depth why is this so important because the root of all my the big book says above everything above everything above your attitude toward me right now above your commitment above, like, you know, how you judging your sponsor if you even got one. Above everything, above all this stuff, man, it says we must be rid of selfishness. We must or it kills us. It says it in the book. There's a plethora of men and women who will show you after this meeting where it is in there if you ask. There are people in this meeting right now besides myself who know full well that that is in there. I don't care where you're from or where you think you're going, who your higher power is, the color of your eyes, or the amount of lies that you can supply. That big book says that we must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. And I don' t want to hear that. Anybody got any earplugs on them? I don't want to hear that. You know what I want to hear? You're amazing. You're amazing. You went and got your hair done. You're amazing. I want to hear selfishness and self-centeredness still be fed in my head and then I want to try to act like I'm in the process of a complete and total psychic change when I pursue that. I don't know if anybody in here can relate to what I'm sharing tonight. Man, that shit ain't funny. It's not. It's now funny when I take a look at the fact that I don' t really like looking at facts. I'm obsessed with how I feel. And I'm here to share that regardless of what they're saying out there in that world out there, that's one of the main things that my disease uses to not help me with you people and to not get help from you people. It's how I feel, man. How I feel. You know how I feel? How do I feel most of the time? I don't really know. I'm just telling you what I'm thinking. I don't know if anybody can hear me tonight. I feel like everybody's always picking on me. I feels like people won't leave me alone and keep calling me! I feel tired. I feel like I got a lot of energy. I feel like I'm a black man. I feel like I have long blonde hair with blue eyes. I don't know how the hell I feel. So what my original sponsor told me is I need to know what I gotta do. And that's what I want to share and kind of wrap it up with. What do I gotta doing? when I'm all done talking when I've all done balking when I am all done not doing the things that you guys do what do I got to do and I learned the hard way even in current sobriety what I got a do is what I am being told to do and if you are a newcomer there are people here who will help you now there's a lot of people that tell you I ain't telling nobody nothing you're going to learn from your own experience I'm not going to tell you nothing I don't believe in that kind of recovery I don' t believe in it I don''t believe in being the leader of North Korea or anything but what I'm saying is somebody had to tell me something somebody had to tell me you better start the meeting. I'm one of the original founding members of my home group. And we were going to these other meetings, sharing this kind of a message, and people didn't like it. We were rubbing against those groups' fourth tradition. And I believe that the fourth tradition is basically saying that each group has sort of a character. And our character at our home group is God, sponsorship, and the steps. If you want a bean pie sale or a dance, you're going to have to go somewhere else. That's the way we roll. And what's so beautiful about the Alcoholics Anonymous program is you don't have to come to our meetings. And we're not supposed to be all butthurt about it either and my share is basically that Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't really need me but I sure as hell need it and when I hear that thing, when I was a new cover they say, Prince of before personalities I thought they was talking about that jackass I couldn't stand over in the corner of the meeting. But they were talking about my personality. Me, the guy that lacks the fourth-depth experience in his life, you know? What I'm sharing, and I want to read it, and my friend helped me find it, it's in the fourth tradition. And it says right here, it's on the first part of this, It says, over the years, every conceivable division from our 12 steps and traditions has been tried. Let me explain that to you in English. all the ideas that you can come up with to not respect these traditions and for me to not personally work the steps have already been tried there's people old enough in the program who've seen several examples of that so in other words I gotta focus on God, sponsorship and the steps and if the word God scares ya and you have a problem with it if you're a newcomer just imagine the problem that God's having with your ass get over it get over it how did I get over it they would give me things in those drinks man and I didn't know what they were I didn'T know the full explanation of what I was consuming out there but it went down I'm the seller and now I come into Alcoholics Anonymous and I need this special needs ass explanation to the fact that I'm going to die. It's lying, it's dishonest. You tell me everything that everybody was fully explaining to you that you were consuming out there based on this obsession. Break it down, Bubba. and that's the same willingness I had to turn around and use up in here nobody had to set me down on me on me lap and go over how I really really needed to drink this crap you know I was an able volunteer I would have been on the committee metaphorically of how to kill myself when I got here and I come to Alcoholics Anonymous and I hear these things and I here all this doubting and stuff and I her people trying to dissect the program and then as a manipulative alcoholic I take on that jargon rather than the steps I don't know if anybody's hearing me there's a lot of traffic in here a little bit it's hard to sit through a pitch like this man it really is I've been thinking about leaving several times myself. But I'm an alcoholic, man. And I think people don't really understand that the alcoholic is a very sick person. My big book tells me that before they even get into the steps. And I thing people take our sickness for granted because we've been around for a little while and they think they know what's up. And I'm not trying to share anything that I don't have experience in. And I've been sponsoring people before I even took the steps. I mean, that's how psycho I was. I was sponsoring people in rehab, man. I was, we sat up all night and talked about everything we thought we knew about this stuff. But my point is that I was willing to do whatever it took to lift a merciless obsession off my life. and I was willing to do it and I hear people telling people you don't got to be that willing well then you probably won't be hanging around here for over 21 years that willingness has got to come from somewhere I get on my knees and ask for it I really do because sometimes you know it just gets a little salty you know it gets a bit hard like when my grandmother died some of my friends are going my friend his mother and his grandma you know they're sick and it gets a little weird it's hard to have faith and stuff when you overhear people saying you don't really got to apply that much faith to begin with somebody else will be on the committee somebody else'll clean up somebody else to keep an eye on the bathroom at the meeting somebody else is gonna sponsor Suzy or Billy or Bobby somebody else else will go pick up the newcomer. Somebody else will do it, man. And if that keeps happening, I'm in fear. So instead of tripping off of that and traveling around, I speak a lot, instead of traveling around sharing my fear about how A is going to burn down to the ground, I get involved. And I turn that somebody else into the guy you're listening to tonight. And I'm asking every man and woman in this room, man, if each one of us was trying to sponsor at least one guy or gal, what that could actually turn into. When we're all done judging the people, a lot of the evaluation I get about my home group that I'm involved in is like, they're doing it wrong! They're scaring the new people! Ah! and my response and I tell my younger friends is I'd rather be trying really really hard and doing wrong than sitting on my butt drunk stealing from my mom not doing it at all my co-founder did it wrong for six months and he told his wife nobody stands sober and she looked at him and said you are that's the 100% guarantee of a 12-step call that you don't leave it drunk because if I leave a 12 step call like I'm sort of a counselor who made it through the bullshit I am a counselor now I walk like a penguin with a stick up my butt I leave that 12-step call whether that guy or gal wants it, knowing that I could have took it. I could've took that drink. See, Abby could've drank that night when he went over to Bill's house. Bill offered him a drink. I don't leave that 12-stepped call thinking that I am amazing. I leave that 12 step call going, damn man, I'm still sober. You know, I try not to take my sobriety for granted, man. If I'm irritating you a little bit, get that 10-step done, man, right about it until I die drunk. But meanwhile, back at the ranch, this literature talks about watchdogs. This literature talks about other meetings and other places and things that kind of had the opportunity that we currently have and they blew it. And these traditions were not made up just because somebody, you know, drew a blank. You know, they made these traditions and stuff based on the experience that they had. That's where these traditions come from. You know and I refuse to just sit here and act like a dumb dumb and call that humility. I don't know nothing. I don' t know nothing! I don''t know nothing!" You gonna help this new guy? I don't know nothing. That's a cop out as far as I'm concerned. See, I knew how to get in and out of my mother's purse at around 12, 15 when I do that belly crawl. But you mean I'm going to come into Alcoholics Anonymous and eat up all y'all's cookies and smoke up all your cigarettes, tell you I don' t hear nothing, I don''t know nothing, and I don ''t do nothing? I'm not buying it. my whole group is horrible with unwilling new people we're horrible with them we don't do unwilling new people very well I'm leery of groups that do I'm leery of groups that do because you know what when I let you half ass it for 10 or 15 years you'll be one of those guys that winds up eating a bullet at 20. It says to be fearless and thorough from the very start. It says precisely how we have recovered. It says that we want to be happy, joyous, and free. Not dumb, mindless, and not knowing nothing. You know what's the matter with knowing a little something? It says we know a little in this book. I know a little bit. I don't know a lot. I know that if somebody says hey DeAndre come share your experience strength and hope, that others may want to recover. I know I can say yes. I know that if I do an amends, that not only am I free from that shame and that guilt, but I'm going to be on the other side of these promises that allow me to be more interested than you, than myself. I don't want to be a victim. I want to I know that If I say a prayer in the morning and ask that God to keep me sober, that I have permission to thank that power at night. I know that if I go to the business meeting at my home group tomorrow, that I'll be a part of the legacy of it future another day. I don't want to be a member of the I know if I keep sponsoring these people in New York City and I live in Los Angeles, that they're eventually going to be friends with the people that I'm kicking it with in Los Angles. It's going to mushroom. I heard this meeting used to be a little smaller. Water seeks its own level and I'm not drowning in the sea of alcoholism tonight. Especially if I got you a little uptight. I'm an enemy of the disease today. I'm not here because I got it all together. I'm here because I want to be a part of. You know, if you're a newcomer I hope I've confused you enough to ask somebody for help after this damn meeting. That's my job. And if you want to keep running in and out of here, if you wanna be... I was already mayor of Newcomerville. I was. I was always mayor and I judge all the people who share like me and those assertive bitches. Man, you don't have to do that. All you gotta do is treat yourself like your heavy drinker, wait around to fall in love, change senior environment, get a better job and you'll be good to go. and I'm here to share that I ain't no darn heavy drinker don't treat me like no heavy drinkers don't treat me like I'm a heavy drink because I'm not and there's a big important significant difference between the two of those things if you don't believe that keep doing it because I got to keep doing what I got nobody in this meeting tonight has to walk up to me and ask me for sponsorship. Not one of you, but I better know I need to leave here with a sponsor. You know, and that's what's been going on for me, man. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I love it more than you probably ever could imagine. I guess, I don't know, I'm not you, I'm talking about me, ma'am. I came to this place and these people knew I didn't have shit. everybody in that original home group they knew I didn't have nothing and they treated me like they could offer me something and when nobody's standing around me telling me they didn't know those men and women were saying this is how we grow this is what we do you know and this is what you can help us with I remember one year I'll start wrapping it up I know, everybody's just dying to get out of here and work a program that's when people start looking at you like into me like, would you hurry up I gotta go sponsor all these people I gotta write my tent staff no but I you know one year I was mad there was an old timer and his wife at the meeting, at the business meeting. And I got mad at these people. I just, I had enough of them! I did. I was tired of these people and I said, I'm sick of it. You don't get to talk. Sick of it! And then I lost my job that Monday. I lost my job. And I didn't have no food at my house. And I called Doug and Nancy the two old timers that I disrespected at that meeting and Nancy said I just took bread out of the oven and we got some spaghetti over here so we'll see you when you get here see that's what we're doing here newcomer I don't know what the hell you're doing, that sign says we care we know you don't care it says we can we can the people who set this meeting up the people that are going to clean that bathroom after this meeting that's what that we care means, when I first saw that we care sign, I thought it was like the welfare we care, we're going to give you some food stamps and we care about your kids come on down to the barnyard and get some cigarettes and we can no, that sign is about the people that have taken the steps man, the people that are taking our phone calls the people that are walking us through death and other illnesses I've seen old timers dying of cancer sharing this answer I've seen it with my own eyes with my old life that's what we have here and I know it's irritating oh my god do you realize that there's not one ounce of my alcoholism that likes this program. Not one ounce of it. There's not one ounce of my alcoholism that likes this stuff. But with that psychic change, I can hang in there. And that's why I say let's take the steps. Let's take the steps See, I want to take you through these changes. I want to take you through how I feel. I want to take you to the garden of my bullshit and walk you around. But I got to take the steps, man. And the steps to me are not just... See, and this is what trips me out. It's like the steps to me are not like just taking a walk. There's a difference between taking a walking walk and walking around. Hey! And taking steps there's a difference and a lot of people don't understand they think that when we take the steps we're just sort of taking a walk there's nothing precisely really going on and I'm here to share that my friend, one of the guys that chooses to call me sponsor one of those profound things I've ever heard in AA is the 12th step is a guarantee and people read it wrong they say as a result and the literature says as the result there's a big difference and I know people go home tonight and they go wow I'm glad I'm not wearing this program like a straight jacket that's alright keep doing your watered down loosey goosey BS keep doing it keep doing that because one drink plus 21 years equals nothing and I've seen it baby loose the goose go ahead I've seen it I've see people get too many years and forget about the days they were in when they got here Soba living in Old Timerville they tried to give me a lease yeah, yeah I'm over 20 now somebody tried to give me at least to Old Timerveille you know a community that's gated where you know I mean hey I'm going to take the gloves off you go up in there you know how to meditate for 45 hours you don't have no time to take phone calls and you're tired and then you start sharing about what you used to do and I'm not some youngster up here just talking out of the side of my neck man. I'm over 20 years sober. They let me in I've been behind the scenes I know what's going on in Old Time Revealed and I'm not interested I'm not interested. Sorry my sponsor was dying and had a newcomer in the next bedroom that was trying I'm not interested Instead, we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. We're talking about the women too. And I know that this is going to piss some people off, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. You can email me. You can even email me! And here I go. I'm gonna share it. The men stick with the men, and the women stick with them. Yeah. Alright. So what do you do with a transgender alcoholic? Well, what do ya do? I'd qualify their ass and get them to work the steps. I'm willing to sponsor a gay orangutan from Transylvania! If you read the heading over Dr. Bob's story, he says that they say that he worked and helped over 5,000 men and women to recover. The men stick with the men and the women stick with them. Who did the blacks stick with in 1992 in Lancaster? The blacks? Because I was the only one I saw. if you do not have your inventory in a place where you can help another alcoholic through these steps get the work done get the work done well I can't sponsor women because I just get the work done we need your help women do recover I know they're going to text me you shouldn't have said that boy I shared it and I got some people here from my home group tonight so don't start no shit with me after the meeting And I'm not that dumb. I've made some friends since I've been here the last couple hours, too. Shit. I love Alcoholics Anonymous, man. I love it, man, I love it. I love it. I love the women in AA. I love the men that come here. You know, I love it. I love it, man. And the reason why is because love is an action. It ain't got shit to do with personality. Love is an If I really love Alcoholics Anonymous, there's certain things I've got to do, man. I've gotta put up with people I don't even understand, you know? Because people put up me. It's not because I'm amazing. People put up with me, man! How can the guy that steals from his own mother talk about who he's gonna help when it comes to his own brother? How can a man do that If they claim that they've done a thorough, honest inventory. And if something is blocking you, that's fine. That's your own inventory. But I read somewhere in here about being a channel of thy peace. Somewhere I read in a declaration of some sort that it says where anyone anywhere reaches out for aid or help. I want the hand of AA to be there. And for that, I am responsible. Somewhere I red that. Somewhere I read that if my personal ambitions are going to damage the group, they need to be silenced. I read that somewhere in here. And then people call you a bleeding deacon and a mean person and someone who's too assertive when you try to practice the shit that they say to do. And I'm here to share that I don't want to be as crazy as you If that's what you do. It says specifically to do certain things. Now, I don't know a lot about sobriety all the time, but I used to watch Sesame Street. And there was one part of that show that I used love because it's kind of like when you watch Jeopardy and you get one question right and it's the Disney question. and I remember watching Sesame Street and there's a little jingle that they used to do with one of the little games and it was simply one of these things is not like the other one of those things one of them is not the same now if you're coming to the AA meeting and somebody's telling you some stuff man go watch a little Sesame Street because some of this stuff is not the same that they say in the books and some people say well DeAndre you shouldn't be that orthodox about it and I say I would like 22 years of sobriety and not just 21 I'm not going to fix anything that hasn't broken me this stuff works man if you're a newcomer find somebody and one of the things that used to piss me off and I swear I'll wrap it up is I used to hear I want what he has or I want who the heck doesn't know how to be an envious bastard I want what she's got what I started realizing at almost 20 years sober here recently is I need to be concerned with what has them what makes you go down to the meeting you know people have heard you share all the time what makes oh they're playing our song did you hear that yeah yeah wow what a great meeting they got the theme music for our bullshit wow But somewhere, somewhere along the lines of me not self-reliance failing me, I had to start realizing what had him. What had Doug and Nancy to let me come over there and eat that bread and that spaghetti after I had acted a fool at that business meeting? What made them do that? Why did my sponsor sponsor that guy until he died in his house? What had him do that?" why are these people cleaning up after this meeting why are they on that committee I hear they argue about stuff in my own group we had a debate over the scoops of coffee we were going to put in the maker laughter I haven't had a cup of coffee in 15 years but I'm a two scooper damn it laughter and I'm saying like What is, what is, why are these people laughing? I'm miserable. I had to ask myself that kind of stuff. Keep coming back for what? So some creepy person can hug me? Come back for what? I had to ask myself what has these people everybody knows you have cancer everybody knows the therapy for the hep C is not working and everybody knows you have problems, you're a woman why are you still letting those newcomers come into your hospital room and read that big book with you when you can just check out you can medicate out you can be signed off what has her doing that I need to find that out man I needed to get interested in that not I want what you have so give it to me, should I steal it but what has you what has you and I believe I know a little bit about that just a little enough to know that I don't want what I had when I got here. Because that step work showed me what I have when I get here. I'll close with this. You got this huge boat, right? And it's kind of like Noah's Ark. I mean it's a big boat. You got everything in there. Your ego, your schedule, your college degree, your ability to ignore me. I mean, everything that makes you think you're free, right? You got it all in the boat, right, your big book, your sobriety date, your favorite meeting, your favorite cookies that you're not going to put money in the basket to help pay for. I mean everything, right. Got everything and you put it inside this boat, right, and then a wave of life comes and knocks you and your kids and your wife and your children and your career out of the boat What do you grab first? You grab the boat, and the boat is AA. And either you're in or you're out, no matter who you are, what you think it's all about. If you're not in, you're OUT. And people will give you method, medication, mystery, and myth to try to contradict that. And I suggest that you find somebody that's way down up in here and ask that man or woman to help you, no matter who the hell you are. Now I believe that I have been changed and saved. And anybody in this room can have that same experience. But if you can lead that horse to the water and they choose beer, Bill says let them know that the water is still here. and the water I'm talking about is the shit you ain't been drinking if you're still drinking anyway I'm grateful to be here and thanks for letting me share