He Was Called a Big Book Nazi – Peter M.

How do I come back from colonics? A little too much information, Chris. It's the orange shirt, man, I swear. My name is Peter. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Grateful to be alive and sober and at a sacred place called Alcoholics Anonymous, a gift that's been given to me by a loving God on June 23rd, 1988, when he separated me from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Alcoholism, alcohol was my master. It owned me. And my only contact with a God was a few choice words in why are you making me live another day. And I get brought to AlcoholicsAnonymous and my life is completely revolutionized by the power I found in here. I'm so grateful for this gift and I treat it as a precious gift. And I treat the same way when someone knocks on my door and God invites a new person into my life who's suffering from the same thing I suffered from. And it's really important to understand what I'm giving away, my experience because I can't share in something I don't have experience with because then I'd be lying to a drunk and I will not do that. Now, many times Chris talked about this in Alcoholics Anonymous. You'll hear people say, well, he didn't want it enough. And I'm always thinking, well their butt's parked in a meeting of AlcoholicsAnonymous something wants them here to spirit move them here and what are we doing about keeping them here and giving away a message? What happens is we tell them make 90 meetings in 90 days and I studied this book a long time and I don't see 90 meetings at 90 days and that has replaced the program of Alcoholic Anonymous outlined in the big book Alcoholicsanonymous. We tell them, make more coffee and take more commitments, double up on your meetings, double up upon your spiritual connection, and they don't have a clue how to do that except go from meeting to meeting to meet. And they get a sponsor because the guy or the woman has 30 years in Alcoholics Anonymous thinking that they should erect a statue for this person because of the quantity of time. And all that guy or woman can give away is don't drink and go to meetings probably because they're not a real alcoholic and a real alcohol shows up in their life and that 30-year person's ego has gotten so big that they don't have anything to say go see the guy one year because they're on fire and so one's dying and another one dies and I've seen it over and over again so it begs the question, I listened to Chris in Myers, it begS the question because we're talking about carrying a message what message are we passing on now I don't want to turn this in for me personally a bashing of Alcoholics Anonymous because this is precious this is really my life And I say that from the bottom of my heart. This is my life. And we need to talk about things that need to be addressed and kind of a wake-up call to not only three of us but all of us about what we're doing. This is just as important for us presenting as I hope it is for you listening. What are we doing in our own little AA neighborhoods, in our old little AA backyards? There are wonderful things going on at Alcoholics Anonymous. Pockets of enthusiasm like this where people are going out on the firing line passing a message on. They're wonderful things. I get to travel a lot, and I see some really neat things going on in Alcoholics Anonymous. However, there are pretty sad things going on in Alcoholic Anonymous also. And what we encounter, what we counter, and I've spoken to a few of you guys who are starting up meetings, big book studies, going back into their group with a book under their arm, and what we encounter is resistance. And people stop calling on you. You're the guy with the big book, let's go to the guy in the back and tell me don't drink and go to meetings. We encounter resistance. I always throw out a question, why do I feel like an outsider at an AA meeting when I share my experience from the big-book Alcoholics Anonymous? Why do I feeI like an outsideIr? Why doI feeI Iike an outsideIf when I address alcohol and alcohol only and I don't include drugs in my story? There is a tremendous story in The Grapevine. it talks about this gentleman, an old timer who comes to AA for the first time real alcoholic. And he hears this guy get up to the podium with seven years and talks about drugs. And they find him in the parking lot crying up against his car. And another guy went up to him and says what's wrong? He said I don't know what else to do he said I came to AA but apparently I don' t belong. He said how come? He says I never did drugs Well you'll scare them out drugs are okay. A drug is a drug is a drug, a lot of watered down gobbled information that we're worried about going into treatment centers to save people and do God's deal there. And we're dying in here because no one wants to take responsibility for what's going on in home group. And I'll include me in that also because coming up in this deal, being brought up in Alcoholics Anonymous, I was just fearful of saying that don't go in here. My gut knew it didn't, but God forbid you may not like me, because my dependence really of who I be was really dependent on you, what you thought of me. So I don't want to ruffle any feathers. I'm not a spiritual guru if I ruffle feathers. Oh, so I won't give you truth then if I ruffle feathers. Serving truth is going to piss people off. Our book tells us perhaps we've disturbed them on the question of alcoholism. That's very mild. Because if you're in the trenches, I have had guys who had started working with me who stopped calling me. One of the things I do when I sit with a drunk is I need to be convinced you're an alcoholic. Now, I remember sharing to someone in Staten Island about this, and they thought, they looked at me like a deer in the headlights, like I was Satan, because I was trying to size up a guy, and after hearing his first step, I was not convinced he was an alcoholic, I was convinced he wasn't an alcoholic because he was a candidate for long-term therapy. I was convincing he was definitely a drug addict, a cocaine addict, but I listened to his first-step experience, his first step assignment that I had him do and I said to myself did this guy ever drink? Give me one Budweiser, I'll be happy. There was no drinking in the story at all. The guy didn't experience the phenomenon of craving. The obsession to alcohol. Did a lot of cocaine? Was he an actor? I don't know. Certainly a candidate for therapy. That's what it consisted of. Now he'll come in here stay away from a drink and then a real alcoholic is going to walk in the door. He's going to hear that guy a nice pitch and then go say, can you sponsor me? And that guy's going to give something to kill the real drunk. We catch resistance. Why? Because lots of people, here's what happens. I experience this in other areas of my life. What I don't know I fear and what I fear I dislike. So I show up with a message from this book, some experience with my traditions, the importance of alcohol talking about alcohol, a singleness of purpose, our primary purpose, carrying a message whether I'm doing a pitch or a step meeting whatever it may be and I sound different from the majority of the room and then I have to duck for gunfire and Brooklyn that's real by the way laughter why do I feel like an outsider at a meeting not all but at a meet when I'm sharing a message that has saved my life from our basic text and I'm talking only about alcohol I've had people I've spoken at a lot of these group anniversaries and the chairperson would come up and say listen if you did drugs that's okay we allow you to talk about that but I'm not or you can say you did other substances too because we have a lot of drug acts in the room why don't you take them there I'm an alcoholic I don't identify with crackheads I did a lot of drugs I'm not a drug addict what message am I carrying so it begs the next question about a member in Alcoholics Anonymous and the group is the recovery based in abstinence or in spirit because if it's just based in obstinance chances are you have a choice and you're not a real alcoholic so why even submit to any of this work why are the traditions and the importance of carrying a message from this book So important, because they talked about it last night. I'll come here, I'm separated. I quit drinking. I put the plug in a jug. Meet some people. Have a social night at a meeting. Once in a while they ask me to do a pitch. I do a 20-minute pitch. A couple of naive newcomers hear me doing this for 20 years say, that's the guy. You know, I travel a lot. Do you know sometimes what makes someone looked up to in Alcoholics Anonymous? What is a good program? He makes a lot of meetings and he has lots of commitments. And we share at every meeting. You'll always hear Bill share, you'll always hear Bob share, they're making coffee all over AA. Suddenly, these people have become the gurus. Have no clue what's going on in the steps or the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. They'll tell you, here's a book, go home and read it. I want to yell out, have you had an experience with it? What's the objective of a group resentment in a coffee pot you start a meeting great what are you doing another closed discussion another beginners meeting we're going to talk about our boss the wife the tough day we had our dramas of life how many meetings second column meetings write inventory person and the reason why I'm pissed off at them that's what our meetings come down to meetings based on the second column don't offer a solution I moved to a town in New Jersey And I'm there a short time I'm not going to mention it Mike, I promise I moved there and I'm There like 20 minutes and I am going Where did I land? I shared some experience from this book And they stopped calling on me And they won't ask me to speak, that's for sure So I decided I really talked to my sponsor about this And I sat with some prayer meditation Because I didn't want to be an ego thing a knee-jerk reaction, just react to an external condition. Let me sit with this. And he said, well, maybe I should bring a solution back to these meetings. And I was really like spitting in the wind. I said, you know what? I'm going to start a meeting. I never did this before, but I'm gonna start a meaning. And I did. And a few gentlemen came on board. No one from the town visits this meeting. We've already been blackballed from this town. and when we share about a solution one guy got up and walked out a couple weeks ago and says you guys are vicious there's a couple of us who are really trying to do this deal because the objective of this group is to offer a solution and a few group members came in and were concerned about how many people were going to be sitting in the seats well we need to get more people in no we don't I'd rather have five real alcoholics saving their lives through this message than a room of a hundred who were not untreated, or even worse, not even real alcoholics. Okay? My deal was, let's draw a line in the sand and start a meeting. If there's five of us talking about this deal and we save one life, we did God's work. We're done. And then let them go out and with their big book under their arm and go travel and do it somewhere else. There was a gentleman talking to me from Pittsburgh who was doing that. I mean, a lot of you guys are doing this deal. The meeting is a few weeks old. If it was up to me, I would tell you it's already watered down. In my town, we're big book and fill in the blank. I'll fill it in for you. Isn't it horrible that because we're doing this deal with the big book, we're called words like big book Nazis? Does anyone know what that word conjures up? I'm not a murderer. But yet, I get called one of those because I have an experience with this book. and yet if you're someone who's sitting in a meeting I'm not going to go knock on your door because you said put the plug in the jug I wish you'd go to another meeting but I'm not going knock on the door and attack you from across the room about people who work in the book, yet that's what goes on so I can't stress enough, especially if you knew at this deal, because a lot of us have been in here untreated and then something happens we seek help, we wake up because of this book and suddenly we encountered a resistance and we don't know what to do you stay on the firing line and God will keep you safe and protected and unharmed and trust me they will knock on your door they will what am I doing about this deal in the third edition it says but the basic text pages 1 to 164 have remained unchanged this is the AA message so it begs the question what message am I carrying what is my group doing i watched my own old home group free spirit group we're about it's about to close down we were four meetings a week um we had a lot of contemporary aa there's a few of us doing this deal and caught hell every meeting every meeting we caught hell and i tell you it was the training ground it really was i learned a lot of hard lessons in there and i was one of those guys i wanted you to get sober more than you wanted to get sober and I would water it down. I wanted you to get sober more than you wanted to get sober, and I ram it. And I experienced terror, frustration, bewilderment, and despair. And that God moved me to a place of how I give it away is how I gave it away. But we fought all the time. We were against resistance all the times. And then the group made a change. We had people coming and doing a pitch like this on the 12 steps, and their experience from it. From our book, we don't want to know about the 12 in 12. I don't wanna know about Hazleton. I don't want to know about you're in a child. That's great stuff. Take it somewhere else. We're looking to draw a line to stand and start a meeting. Well, they almost tar and feathered me and a couple of other guys. And half the group's membership, core membership left. The group got strong. We were filled up like this every Wednesday night. And then little by slowly, they started to come back. And little by slowly, start to change group policy again, group conscience. And the meetings down to Monday night, and there's just a few there now. The group died. The other reason why the group was falling apart was there was no emphasis on traditions. I was talking to Myers about this last night. Myers was telling me in his town they have a handful of, a bunch or a handful, of tradition meetings but no one wants to talk about them. You're doing better than me because there are no tradition meetings where I'm from. You know why? Selfish and self-sententious, that's the root of our troubles. Why do I want to come to a traditions meeting and have to sit, listen, and learn when I rather go, and I'm so consumed with me, go to a closed discussion and talk about my dramas of life and get some pity, get some pats on the back, read page 449 and read acceptance, let go and let God, Chris said it, keep coming back. What type of responsibility are we bringing? Why are there not enough tradition meetings, tradition studies? It's vital to what we do. Life-giving and life-threatening is vital to what we be. But it's gotten to a point where with all the things... It's gotten to a point where I walk into groups, some groups, and it isn't even therapy. It's bad group therapy. I was in South Jersey not too long ago and I walked into a meeting and I says, Father, please, patience and tolerance. Let me be an example of this book and not character assassinate. I cease fighting anything anyone up until that night. And the meeting went something like this. Chairperson read the preamble. If you didn't read the premal, I didn't know where I was. And let's throw it out to the floor who wants to start on the topic. And we went downhill from there. And this woman shared about her daughter a horrible thing. A woman, her daughter tried to commit suicide and slitting her wrist. I mean horrific, horrific stuff. And she was going through this. And she finished up about 20 minutes later sharing from the floor. And then this is what happened. Everyone in that group shared like they were psychiatrists and psychologists on how to fix her daughter's future suicide attempts. And I sat in the back of the room. I says okay what happened to my primary purpose is anyone here a doctor and if they are they would probably call this woman outside the meeting and not discuss that here but everyone became psychiatrist psychologist I was at a meeting and a guy shared first guy to share and he says I was driving down route 22 in Jersey he passed an old stomping ground he says I don't know how I didn't make it here without drinking I want to drink I can't take it anymore I'm losing my mind he was in serious serious trouble got it there's about two men's meeting about 50 guys in a room the next guy shared The very next guy shared and took up 10 minutes from the floor about how he just got let go from work that day. And the next guy shared about how He was having financial difficulties and this poor soul didn't get one solution to his problem. And then I approached him after the meeting but he was swamped by the gurus in the group who were telling him, keep coming back it'll get better and hang in there. Hang in there! I told my sponsor, he called me up Mark called me one time, he said he has a nickname sometimes, he'll call me Hey money, what's going on? I don't know why I don' t have any, but my sponsor is the ultimate optimist. And he says, I'm doing okay hanging in there and this is around a 6 o'clock AM phone call and he proceeded to rip me for saying I'm hanging in when I'm experiencing the glory of God. And what a wake up call for me that was. What kind of group do I belong to? kind of message am I passing on? Am I so afraid of ruffling a few feathers? Believe me, I have. And I've done it like a few times in an arrogant way and have been shown an easier softer way to pass the message on. But am I afraid of roughling feathers because I'm speaking truth? The carpenter showed up about 2,000 years ago and spoke truth and look what they did to him. You think they're going to be thrilled when I show up with truth to see me. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking or you're a member of AA when you say you are. Think about that. You hear it. You're a member of AA, when you said you are, what about responsibility to AA that you say you're a member of? What about if you say you're a member Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm assuming you're real alcoholic and not a moderate or hard drinker who's just looking to kind of get the heat off, right? But your real alcohol coming here for help, what about the responsibility to the group and to the next person our primary purpose is walking the door saying I need help. What are we passing on? Remember when we say we are how much watered down do you want to make it? I can't walk into the Knights to Columbus and say I'm a member because I say I am. Now, rule 62 says not to take ourselves too seriously and let's not set up all kinds of restrictions on being in here. One of the neat things about AA is we can just walk in. We don't even, I could have done this this weekend without even giving you my name and that was okay. I don't agree with it but it would be okay. But how much more water down do we want to get when you remember when you say you are? Well, the only requirement for membership is desire to stop drinking or have a desire to stop. If you're a real alcoholic, I pray that your sponsor is a real alcoholic. What type of message is my group giving away and what type of message am I giving away? How am I on time? Four minutes. Even he don't like me. The great fact on page 25 Take a look, let's take a look at that for a second Debbie T tells me I'm getting old And I keep denying it And then I put on glasses Because I can't see without them anymore it says the great fact is justice and i like you to underline nothing less that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life toward our fellows and towards god's universe almost sounds like the opposite of bedevilments on page 52 the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous he's a commenced accomplished those things for us which we can never do for ourselves and my question is, am I passing that great fact on to the prospect that knocks on my door? Is my group passing that great fact with AA's message or even offering that to someone who's new coming into our room? I bet you this will touch everyone. A new guy walks in and you just know he or she is the real deal and you want to keep them away from some other people in a meeting Right? Let's get him before the fellowship destroys him right how many of us are so heavy into fellowship how many meetings are so heavy into fellowship and the other two sides of our legacy there's nothing going on and that's what we pass on join the sober softball team make more coffee, join the sober bowling team, go to a dance there was a guy passing out leaflets at a meeting in Staten Island for an AA dance, nice event and some guy said that don't belong it's not AA approved literature he says it may save someone's life and I'm thinking I had to do a whole lot of dancing and I can't dance I try one minute thanks for listening Thank you very much.