He Was a Sincere Liar and a Desperately Earnest One – 1961 – Tom P.

About This Speaker Tape

Blackstone Retreat - 1961

Sanity not serenity or wealth is the only non-marginal gift of the program. Tom P. dissects the 'two miracles' of recovery: the quick miracle of stopping the compulsive drinking and the slow lifelong miracle of returning sanity. He describes his early years as a 'sincere liar,' using alcohol as a psychic anesthetic for a world he found hard to bear. After two stints in the 'bug house' and a brutal course of metrazole shock treatment he fought the program's spiritual requirements with an arrogant pseudo-intellectual shield. Even after a relapse into a dark four-year stretch of Nembutal and stimulants he returned to meetings out of naked desperation. He concludes that the program works not through slogans but through a raw uncompromising alignment with the truth which eventually squeezed the arrogance out of him.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Tom P. opens by distinguishing between marginal benefits and the basic gift of sanity.
• 4:30 Discussion of the 'two miracles' of recovery: the quick miracle and the slow miracle.
• 7:15 Reflections on using alcohol as a psychic anesthetic to deal with a painful world.
• 12:40 The 'sincere liar' and the internal dialogue between the truth and the alcoholic.
• 16:20 First trip to the 'bug house' and the subsequent relapse after 12 weeks of sobriety.
• 21:10 Second hospitalization and the experience of metrazole shock treatment.
• 24:50 The struggle with arrogance and pseudo-intellectuality when first entering AA.
• 28:30 Laughter: The 'smart guy' approach to the program and the inevitable relapse.
• 32:10 The dark four-year period involving Nembutal and other sedative-stimulant cycles.
• 36:40 The final surrender and the realization that the program is based on the power of truth.