He Told the Psychiatrists He’d Be Surprised If the Alcoholic Told the Truth – Father J.

If ever the program of Alcoholics Anonymous could be reduced to the simplicity of one word, I'm firmly convinced that that word would be honesty. For if one asked what is the one most important factor in attaining and maintaining sobriety that factor again in my opinion is honesty for honesty is the difference between sobriete and slipping it is the difference between happiness and unhappiness it is the difference between sanctity and sin and after 14 years of experience with thousands upon thousands of members of alcoholics anonymous i am convinced that we could actually reduce the whole program to that one word honesty for this reason the only prayer that is used at the retreats that I give is the following. Oh God, grant us the grace to see ourselves as you see us, that knowing ourselves and thy will, we shall be enabled to carry it out in our daily lives. In other words, asking simply for the grace to be honest. Now we should have realized this many years ago remember in school we were told honesty is the best policy but we didn't believe it did we first there was the little white lies and then some more bigger white lies and then into the black lies to get out of the white lies and then more black lies together lies we told galilize we told the galilise we told so that the alcoholic at the end of his drinking career ended up a pathological liar first of all he deceived himself that's the reason any animation that he might be alcoholic was always met with me alcoholic oh boy yeah i take a couple beers once in a while but not an alcoholic we tried to deceive others and we did for a while we had to we couldn't otherwise justify our existence and so we put on a false front and we became past masters at excuse making until finally we didn't deceive them anymore and we ended up in alcoholics anonymous in our spiritual life we even attempted to deceive God how did we pray Oh God get me off this bins now never take another drink as long as I live big liars we weren't asking for sobriety we were asking for God to keep us from being hurt anymore and as a result we had confusion of mind suffering untold and failure about two years ago speaking of the alcoholic being such a liar I was on the panel the Midwest panel of psychiatrists in their convention believe it or not and I was to give the closing talk on Sunday afternoon and I had to be there for the other two days and I listened to their talks didn't understand them but I listened to him and it was amazing how many of these good men came to me and said father you know the trouble is with the alcoholic we catch them lying so much I said well you should be surprised if you catch him telling the truth now when does this pathological liar the alcoholic begin to be honest when he recognizes the fact that he is a pathological lie now if honesty is so important let's see what it really means what is honesty well honesty comes from the latin word honest thoughts that means oneness therefore if i am at one or if there is a oneness between me and all the circumstances of my life i am honest with god with my neighbor my family myself and all the inanimate circumstances in which i live or in other words when my convictions agree with my acceptances then i am honest for example the alcoholic we had the conviction inside that we were alcoholic long before we came to a but we didn't accept that because we were not honest therefore when we accept the fact whatever it may be of every circumstance in my life then we are honest honesty is the best policy now history is loaded with examples of the dramatic difference between honesty and dishonesty between the successful man who was honest and the failure who was dishonest now let's take a few of these examples first there was saint paul his name originally was saul you know and he was a roman and it tells us that he hated christians in fact it says that when he was on his way to damascus to persecute the christians that he was going breathing vengeance upon christianity he hated christians but his hatred was honest he wasn't going to damascus because caesar had sent him or to please his wife he wasn t married or his sister if he had one or his friends or he wasn' t going to to damascus to have a good time over the weekend he was going there because he hated christians and he wanted to persecute them and even in that hatred he was honest now look what happened as he was growing along the road there was a bolt of lightning struck him off his horse and as he lied there on the ground he heard a voice and the voice said, Saul, Saul why persecutest thou me? Now notice his answer. Immediately Saul said, Lord who is it I persecute? There we had grace and honesty meeting head on and when that happens something's got to give and it isn't the grace of God. Paul was honest now what would the dishonest person have said I wonder what we would have said had we been Paul's place there on the ground and we heard someone say why persecutest thou me I think we would say what do you mean who's persecuting anybody I'm not persecutting anybody I was just going down to Damascus have a good time but Paul was honest and he ended up as the great apostle to the gentiles because he was honest he wasn't chosen because he were honest god chooses whomsoever he wishes but having been chosen and with honesty plus grace he became the great saint paul honesty is the best policy then there was peter Peter was a fisherman he was uneducated but Peter was honest now look how this gives evidence of itself when he went to the courtyard why did he go to the courtyard why didn't he follow Christ because he loved Christ he wanted to be near Christ he was a coward but he was honest and so when Christ left the court and came out through the yard and glanced at Peter, once again grace and honesty met head on. And as it tells us, Peter went out and wept lovingly. And Peter became the leader of the apostles because he was honest. Honesty is the best policy. And then there was Mary Magdalene. remember Mary Magdalene she was a prostitute there's no use trying to cover it up that's what she was the prostitute now many of you know that all of my talks are originally given as retreat talks so when I gave this talk for the first time about three years ago naturally I was not too acquainted with with the talk at the time and as I came to this point without thinking I said now I have had a lot of experience with prostitutes And it was one of our women's retreats. What I had meant to say was that since I had been in AA and had given the retreats over the years, that many women had come to me who had been prostitutes. And I found out that there are two distinct types of prostitute. There are first the ones who are such because of the financial gain. That is the bulk of the prostitues. But there are another kind. They are prostitutes because they want to be prostitues. Magdalene was that kind. It tells us that Magdalena loved the company of men. So she was an honest prostitute. and so once again when she came in to the Pharisees home and shed the tears of repentance and with her tears washed the feet of Christ and dried them with her hair once again grace and honesty met head on and Magdalene was told by Christ much is forgiven because she had loved much That same passion, that same drive once turned toward God led her to the heights of sanctity to such an extent that it was to her, even before the apostles, that Christ appeared after the resurrection. Honesty is the best policy. Then there was a Saint Augustine. Remember him? Anyhow, he was quite a sinner, quite a rounder for many years. but Augustine was honest in his sins he tells us in his confessions that he used to sin just because it was sin if it wasn't sinful he wasn't interested and in his prayers he gives evidence of his honesty because one of his prayers was oh God grant me the grace of purity but not yet and then one evening as Augustine was walking up and down in his garden he heard the voice as of a young girl say take and read take and reed glancing down he saw the scriptures he picked it up and his eyes fell first upon that famous passage quote not in rioting and drunkenness not in chambering and impurities but make not provision for the flesh in its concupiscences unquote and then augustine because once again grace and honesty met head on made up his mind to serve god instead of the flesh and augustine became one of the greatest theologians of all times because augustin was honest honesty is the best policy then let's take a few examples now of dishonesty and see how that is intertwined with the terrible failures of history first there was judas now judas was an apostle judas had been chosen but judas died a suicide why because judas was dishonest now notice this when the woman came in and broke the precious ointment on the feet of christ what did judah say he said hey wait a minute don't waste all that stuff we can take that out and sell it and use the money to give it to the poor big liar he wasn't interested in the poor he was treasurer of the apostles and again when he betrayed christ he betrayed him with a kiss of friendship one of the worst extremes of dishonesty what happened And dishonesty and grace met head on. And then there was self-pity, despair, suicide. Judas was dishonest. Then we have the dramatic examples of honesty and dishonesty side by side in the two themes. and we hear the one cursing and blaspheming and telling the Lord if you be God get yourself down from the cross save yourself he wasn't interested in saving Christ he was only interested in his own hide and the other thief chided him and he said hey don't carry on like that we are being justly punished for what we have done this man has done no evil. Absolute honesty. And then he turned to Christ and he said, Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom. He didn't dare ask for anything else because he knew of his own crimes. But then he was enabled to hear some of the greatest words that have ever been spoken to human ears. this day thou shalt be with me in paradise that thief was honest the other one notice how it wraps him up all it says he died blasphemy he died blaspheming dishonesty honesty is the best policy and so on down through history all the truly great men were basically honest and all your failures were basically dishonest but we don't have to go through history we can go to any a group in the country and look around who are the ones who are sober and happy they are the honest people who are the slippers and the unhappy they are the dishonest people you know in the beginning of aa to show how important is honesty they didn't have the 12 steps all they had were three things first get honest with yourself honesty second, clean house more honesty third, help others more honesty honesty, honesty, honestly honesty is the best policy now let's apply this in the various phases of our lives and first in our home life honesty would tell us that we should accept everyone in the home as they are not as we think they should be that's honesty if the wife yak, yak, jak, yak explode accept her as such honesty would say that's what she is if the husband clams up let him clam up accept it that's the nature of the beast you know so much friction so many quarrels so much trouble in the home is caused merely by one trying to the best of their ability and even then some to change the other typical of the alcoholic if he hit a blind alley or against a blank wall he got up and he tried it again and no matter how many times he was knocked down up he tried again instead of trying to accept it and go around the wall honesty is the best policy then we hear a lot about love today and we sometimes wonder why uh mr and mrs have so much trouble when they seem to love each other so much but we wonder do they really love each now what would honestly tell us about this honesty would tell me that love is giving not demanding giving now anybody can give that's easy but so many think love is getting I want give me that's passion love is giving that's honesty then many marital troubles pop up because there was so darn much dishonesty in the courting date remember oh I just love what you love the big liar she probably hates it or perhaps the fellow said oh I wouldn't want her to find that out for anything he's gonna marry the girl she will find it out and she does and there's trouble you know they have the saying that a fellow goes with a gal he falls in love with her and he thinks so much of her that he feels he could eat her up and then he marries her and wishes he had if the girl and the boy in courting days would be absolutely honest the one with the other i believe in my opinion there would be many many more happy marriages because there would be many, many more well-adjusted marriages. Honesty is the best policy. Then in our social life, honesty would tell us that society is made up of human beings and that we are all equal, one to another, under a common Father who is God. So it wouldn't make any difference then whether the other fellow was black or white or rich or poor or catholic or protestant or jew drunk or sober are slipping or staying on the program because if i am honest i would then accept they are all equal to me i see somebody slip what would the honest man say there but for the grace of god go i i see somebody that is poverty stricken what would i say if i am honest there but before the grace of god and i would share what i have with those who have not because honesty would further tell me that what i had has been given to me from god in order to share it with those who have not of course about this time somebody's going to step up and say now wait a minute i worked for what i got oh you did and now i don't believe that statement is quite honest why because who gave us the ability to work and the talent and placed us just in the circumstances of life in which we find ourselves wasn't that god so i think honesty would say let's share what we have with those who have not honesty is the best policy then in regard to business who is the successful businessman today the honest businessman not the fellow who pads his accounts or who pads his stock or his inventory trying to kid himself he goes bankrupt honesty is the best policy then in the area of finance honesty would tell us that we had better keep a budget if our memories don't serve too well we had really better keep a budget and then these salesmen that come to the door wouldn't get us one after another and then we suddenly wake up and find we have so many payments plans that we can't keep up with them because we weren't honest with ourselves salesman comes along he says well after all just a dollar a week for 40 years honesty is the best policy then in our emotional life honesty would tell us that the biggest cause of emotional disturbance II in life is dishonesty either in thinking or living remember what we said we lied to get out of the lie we told to get out alive we told to get out of the lie we told and what keeps us awake at night so many times trying to shoot angles trying to get around facts trying to refuse still to be honest ask any psychiatrist and they will tell you that at the base of all emotional disturbance many times is caused by the attempt on the part of the person to flee reality which is merely another way of saying to be dishonest with himself another type of emotional disturbance that many have and that is not necessary is trying to please everybody honesty would tell me i can't please everybody no matter what i do no matter how hard i try someone's not going to like it so what do i do i just do the best the kin do and then if i displease some people that's not my responsibility that's up to almighty thought but being human and everyone else in this world being human no matter what we do who we are someone is not going to like now if we start out with that conviction we're not going to disturb when we hear criticism when somebody says something or does something about us honesty is the best policy then in the mental hygiene honesty would tell us that this so-called acceleration of mind did you ever hear that term well maybe you didn't but i know you've experienced it you know what i mean the mind starts from that comes from conniving trying to keep one step ahead of the truth shooting angles again intelligence was given to us by almighty god for one reason and that is to seek truth and the honest man is the one who seeks truth and having found truth he makes his decision and action follows immediately the dishonest fellow oh he will seek truth yeah and he'll find it uh-huh then he'll start shooting angles try to get around what we say a while ago the fellow who is knows two and twos four but he can't stand it honesty is the best policy even in our physical life honesty would tell us that many troubles are pursuant upon habits of dishonesty take for example the sudden heart attack how many times that comes because we weren't honest with ourselves to recognize the symptoms or else we weren t honest with our doctors any doctor will tell you that many people go to a dozen doctors until they find one to agree with them they're not looking to find out what's wrong with them they re looking for someone to pat him on the back say everything perfectly okay and then the sudden breakdown or the sudden heart attack because of dishonesty self-deception then we are told in our physical makeup that we should grow old gracefully you know what that means that simply means grow old honestly accepting age when it comes along when our hair turns gray let it turn gray when the aches and pains begin accept them when certain signs of age tell us to slow down slow down when the doctor tells us to slowdown slowdown that is growing old gracefully growing old honestly in other words a union of conviction and acceptance. That is honesty. Honesty is the best policy. Then in our spiritual life, honesty would tell us that honesty is truth and truth is humility and humility is sanctity. It's as simple as all that. The saints are people who have achieved 100% honesty or have become 100% humble. You know the reason that we have so many faults yet? Because we're so confounded, proud and dishonest with ourselves. We're trying to make ourselves something that we are not. And you want to know when you're going to get rid of your faults? on the day that you become 100% honest or humble. That will rid you of everything else and there will be plenty of room for the grace of God. Ours is only the footwork, but we do have to do the foot work. Honesty would tell us that. Honesty could tell us when you pray for potatoes, reach for a hole. god is very good to us he gives us without limit but he wants us to do the footwork and he tells us let me take care of the consequences isn't that a simple way of living in fact that's the way the whole AA program tells us. Do what we can do each day, and God will take care of the consequences. So in our AA life, honesty tells us that sobriety is honesty. Those who are in AA and who are so upset that they can't seem to get any serenity the only thing they have to do is to sit down and analyze their attitudes and their actions to see how honest they are and I'm afraid they will find out that serenety demands honesty and on the other hand Serenity is an inevitable sequence to being honest. If I'm honest with everybody, if I'm honest with myself, my neighbor, my family, my God, I have nothing to run away from. I have Nothing to get me upset. I accept everything that comes along. I am honest. That is the basis of serenity. You know, serenity is not kicking out all the problems from life. Serenity is the acceptance of problems. So many come and say, well now look, I've been in AA and since I've come in I've got more problems than I was when I was drunk. Well, nobody denies that. There's nowhere in the program that it promised material success with sobriety. It does promise serenITY. and so no matter how many problems we have serenity can be ours if we accept them or solve them and if we can't solve them, accept them even the unsolvable problem is solved by acceptance then the slips that we see in AA the graduates you know oh maybe they haven't slipped yet but they've graduated They don't come to meetings anymore They don' t do 12-step work In fact, it isn't long until they don't think too much about AA And then they begin to think about a little bottle again though And then they try it again Why? They were dishonest I don't need the program I don' d need the meetings I'm an old timer now I've been sober five years I sit back now and rest on my laurels And after all, I don't have to make any more 12-step calls That's for the new guys All dishonest thinking Which we in AA simply label stinking thinking You know And as the saying goes He's not drinking yet But his thinking's stinking And it won't be long until he's drinking That's merely another way of saying he's dishonest Then in the beginning why is it that so many refuse to come to AA? Because of their dishonesty. Me go to AA, what, that's a bunch of drunks. That's not for me. You hear the same thing in church. Some people say, me go to church, that'sa bunch of hypocrites. You know what I tell both of those classes of people? You might as well go. There's always room for one more. I'm sure glad we don't have any hypocrites here tonight so in Alcoholics Anonymous we have 12 suggested steps and 12 so-called traditions Now, with some of these steps or traditions, you or I perhaps may not agree, but one thing is certain. Acceptance of our own honest convictions is the most important thing in all of AA, more important than all else because that is being honest and after all honesty is sobriety honesty is serenity honesty is sanctity in fact honesty is the best policy may God love you all Thank you.