He Thought the Relationship With Higher Power Was Optional – Myers R.

Allie, thank you. And for all the folks that put this thing together, it's always sort of amazing that I think I've told y'all before, I remember one time making a smart comment, trying to be funny. Some guy that we're putting together some men's conference out in West Texas. And I made some remark about, you know, them getting the coffee made earlier or something. I don't remember what it was, but I remember that guy looking at me and saying, Myers, you know, I think maybe you could do this next year. And I just went, no problem, dude. No problem. I never worked so hard in my whole life for a year. I just like, I was comatose half the time, a little toothpicks in my eyes, holding my eyelids up. I was just, this is the hardest I've worked. Um, Ali, I don't know how you do it. It must be, I dunno, steroids or something. I don'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT, DUDE. it was just a lot of work to, to, uh, to do that stuff. I wish I sponsored you. Um, just, I wishI sponsored you so I can tell everybody that I sponsored you. It just, that would be so much fun. Yeah. I sponsored that guy. Yeah, um, pretty special. Listen for the, for y'all that I haven't met, my name is Myers R.. I'm very grateful, recovered alcoholic from Dallas, Texas. Took my last drink January 15th, 88. And it's been some fun, I'll tell you. It's a treat seeing so many on here that I do know. And it's an honor. That's all I can say. It is just an honor to be here. um the uh this this step 11 stuff i got i got 40 minutes and and i won't uh you know over the years there's been a couple of ways to run at this um i could go to the beginning of step 11 and just kind of work down through the step i could do that but i just i tend to um maybe it's because we've come through this crazy year, can y'all hear me okay now? It's saying that my internet's a little unstable. Let me, I'll maybe I talk slower. I don't know. Maybe you're good. You're good. Okay. The I think that through this whole year, I've had a lot of time to talk about and think about the bigger picture of our recovery as a fellowship. What's the motivation for doing this? What's, why do we do that? Why do we, and it makes sense to do that because sometimes folks, I think that sometimes we kind of lose sight of the bigger picture. Let me give you a great example. I was talking to a guy the other day that I've just started sponsoring. He's been in the rooms 22 years, I think. And he has no 11-step program at all. No, that component is not really there. It's very superficial. And He has no idea about working with other people, step 12. They're just sort of steps at the end of the steps and 22 years into the deal, he just doesn't see any reason to do it. Listen, if this just happened that one time, I'd go, he's an anomaly and we'll just, it's no big deal. The problem is, is that I've sponsored hundreds of men over the years that are in exactly the same kind of situation. Guys sober 25, 30 years and they've sponsored maybe one guy or two guy and they have their powder dry. We've all heard it. How many of y'all have sat in meetings, in AA meetings, and somebody will introduce himself like this? They'll go, hi, my name is Stan, and I'm sober today. Thank you for the hope, Stan. I don't know why. I hope there's no Stans in here tonight. I didn't pick you specifically. I just used the name. There is a, in the words of Mark Houston years ago, I smell more. And so real quick, let me make sure that you're clear. I didn't end up on some spiritual mountaintop and that's where I'm addressing you from. Um, I, I came into these rooms, um, uh, fell flat on my butt spiritually. I stayed sober one day at a time. I had no real program and I had no real, um meaning to what it was that I was doing. I was just showing up at six meetings a week, going to a bunch of those things, talking a bunch of AA crap. And I didn't seven years into the deal, guys, I still don't know who the co founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were. That's how how removed I was from the program. The problem with this is, is that I see a sea of men and women who settle for so much less than we were intended to settle for. I think it's the $64,000 question that begs to be asked, and I think that we should talk about it some. This idea is go into meetings and stand sober one day at a time enough. If it is, rock on. As a crusty old Texan though, I'm just kind of hoping that that's not what you're teaching. Because if that's what you are teaching, then you are selling this idea that perhaps there is no more than just being sober. And in the words of my friend Mickey Bush, so is the cat. Guys, I love the fact that we are sober. I totally love the fact that were here and that we're sober. There was a period of time in there when I recognized that my life was getting a bit weird. And, um, I don't have time to get into any story stuff because I've got so much other stuff I want to talk about. And so mercifully we'll skip all that crap. But I want you to, to know that, um I'm sitting there in the morning, getting up looking in the mirror and I'm going Myers, you're six years sober. Um, and, um why is it that the depression is coming back why is it that you you are having suicidal thoughts that you never had before when you were out there drinking and acting a fool there's there's so much stuff that's not the way it's supposed to be um a lot of you guys and gals know my wife and and she was she was not she was Not too thrilled with with with Myers I didn't I wasn't bringing much to table um um the my my daughter we had another daughter after i got sober and then another daughter i've got three daughters now and and one of them's in the program in the in the room here tonight with me and um my son-in-law and i'll just bust their anonymity that's what i do best um and but here's the but here is the point i think that each one of us it's a common thread that runs through Lars and Larry and Yale. It runs through every one of us. The common thread is that at some point in time, we ought to start asking, are we okay with where we are? And if we are groovy, that's great. But what if we're not? But what If we're Not? Because here's the question. If we are not, then what do we do? Well, the mainstream AA thing is We go to some more meetings. You just need to get your butt in some more meetings and you're going to be okay. Well, okay. I got, I've got no truck with that. It didn't work with me, but, but the maybe there's more. I was at a conference one time, Mark Houston was there and Chris was there. And there were some other folks there's about 270 men in this room. and um and i'd gotten up that morning we were staying in these big cabins and i was just got up that mornin and there was a bunch of guys out there praying and i don't know why i thought now this was this was 25 years ago i guess i i don' t know why i though it was funny but um uh at breakfast that morning i said did you see those guys over there kneeling at their beds this morning didn't it kind of weird and everybody stopped and kind of looked at me where they're all eating breakfast. And everybody just kind of sets their fork down and they were kind of looking at me. And I said, I'd be embarrassed to do that. And then one by one, these guys got up and walked away from me. Chris, that bastard, he was right next to me and he got up and left and he walked out. And so I was thinking, you know, what did I say? And I was just trying to be funny in retrospect. It wasn't funny. It wasn't even entertaining. I don't even know why I even said it, but anyway, Mark Houston was sitting right across from me and he looked at me and he said, Myers, I'm confused. You've been in these rooms now, what eight, nine years? And I went, yeah. And he said you're what's your prayer life like? What, what's step 11 look like? And guys, I really, I didn't know how to answer him. And I just said, you know, probably not what it should be. And he said, I would say that I would Say that and I said, I'm concerned because it seems to me That if we looked really close, We would see your hand on the tiller all the time, wouldn't we? And I said compared to what and and he goes well, Maybe God's hand could be on that tiller some and I went uh maybe I guess yeah anyway he said maybe you ought to try a few things and and I'll give you I'll give you some ideas about what to do and he did I I'm always indebted to the cat because he stayed there um when everybody else left and the next morning I got up real early like 4 a.m because I didn't want anybody to see me um and um I got on my knees for the first time ever, probably I got on my knees and pray. And I got to tell you something, guys, I got up, went to the shower, cleaned up, got back in. And, uh, I walked around the corner into that breakfast. We're now a full day off of my debacle. AndI walked into that breakfast hall and, uh Mark Houston's looking at me. I don't know if any of you guys remember Mark's laugh, but Mark would throw his head back and just ha this, this, really deep voice like that and just laugh like this. And I said, I didn't say anything funny. And he said, you didn't need to say anything. All I did was look at the way you looked at me when you walked around that corner. Something happened, didn't it? And I went, it did. And he said, yeah, I told you. I told him. And that started it. That started the recognition. I remember somebody a lot wiser than me one time saying things in AA are not a problem if you can see them. You have to see them first. And that's the reason why the steps themselves were so amazingly transformational because we, it put us in a position to where we would stop with all of the game plan and the rationalization and the justifying crazy stuff. I mean, listen, how many of y'all men and women both in the rooms, how Many of you guys have ever rationalized or justified really really really crazy stuff until you finally stopped and recognized it and then you went oh my gosh I'm mortified I just I can't believe I was that guy um it's a it's game changer for a whole a whole lot of us um one of the most reoccurring themes in the in the text is this idea of a relationship with our creator. It just, it's amazing how many times one of this is one of the reasons why I love books studies so much. I truly love them. They never get old for me because I keep seeing things that I never saw before. But one of the things that really caught me off guard one time was how many reoccurring themes there are in the big book. This reoccurrent theme of work and self-sacrifice for others, this reoccurring idea of a relationship with our creator. From way back when Bill is talking to Abby, and he's laying in the hospital all busted up, and I want to read you a little piece. There it is. Y'all ever pick up your book, and you've got so much stuff falling out of your book that you can't even, it's crazy, And I scold people for that all the time. I said, quit putting so much crap in your book, man. It causes them to fall apart like that. The this idea there it is. He's in he's in the hospital. I was to test my thinking by the new God consciousness within common sense with us become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as they would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my request bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive, but that would be in great measure. And then this little cool piece underneath it. My friend promised when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator, that I would have the elements of a way of living, which answered all my problems, not just the booze problems or the dope problem. All my problems. Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things were the essential requirements. And then they repeat it again and again. And it was important enough that Bill Wilson decided to write a whole chapter on this idea. If you if you look back on 59 and 60, Bill starts showing us the steps written out that way. And they talk about the powerlessness in step one. And then they talk About the finding the power in step two. And then the rest of the steps were how we got that power. Now, the part that got me about it was I thought it was a one and done kind of thing. You find the power, and there it is, bam. And then you just simply day by day, you just kind of float into God's arms. That's what I thought it was, and the reality of it was is that it's not like that. There is a current. Unfortunately, the current's flowing the other direction, and unless you do something to stay there, you will do what millions of us have done. You will simply float farther and farther away from this amazing relationship with God until pretty soon you're out there clinging on to this thing called sobriety, completely ignoring this thing called recovery. Completely ignoring it. And then we just find ourselves in a situation where one day we're so powder dry, we're saying unkind things to people, we'RE doing unkind things, weRE acting like a total petulant child. Maybe I'm the only one that ever did that, guys. But it's an amazing thing to watch your attitude and watch how you manifest to others after you've been sober for a while. It's crazy. Guys, I'm from the school that believed 100% that everything would change and everything would be better forever as long as I just stayed clear of the booze. I was going to be okay. Canadian whiskey was my problem. And, and you rascals made some fine stuff and I drank most of it. Um, and so I, I just, um, and I thought if I get rid of that, I'm going to be okay. But imagine your own situation plus the situation of the men and women that you sponsor. How many of us have run across that same thing? These wide eyed looks from people who looking at us going Myers, I've been sober for 10 years. Why am I like this? It's real simple, Hoss. You stop doing the things that you did in the early days and your life has gotten goofy again. How many of you guys ever remember? Maybe I was the only guy that was surprised at reading the ABCs and from ABCs over to the third step prayer. There's two and a half pages there. Bill introduces us to this idea that maybe there's something going on besides the booze. And then he, he introduces this idea that selfishness and self-centeredness, that was, we think is the root of our problem. So stick with me for two seconds. I'm almost done with this part of this, and we can get onto some good stuff that, that if selfishness and self centeredness is my problem, then how do I get rid of selfishness? i had um i've told this story several times i had this this um uh i had this um this breakfast with with joe mcquainy and cliff bishop my my early sponsor for 20 some odd years and and uh and joe macquain of joe and charlie and then joe was asked asked me at this breakfast he said myers let me ask you something buddy you said do you think that you can exert more willpower to overcome your own willpower? And I said, yes, sir. I said I think that's the key. And I remember him looking at Clifford and he goes, how do you do this, Cliff? And and I laughed because I just he was jabbing me. But he was he was I don't know how Cliff did it either, because I always said the wrong thing always. But what he was saying was, was that that that's not the ticket that you can't you can't fix willpower. You can't fix that by exerting more willpower it's just simply not going to work the only ticket the only thing that ever seemed to really work is this relationship with God and so the next question becomes how do we get from point A busted up drunk to a guy that's got a relationship with God? Well part of the help is to look at Bill Wilson and his experience Look at the way he talks about God in the early part of his story in the front of the book. He's hugely contemptuous of anything that looks like God or anything spiritual or this kind of stuff. And this same man has this experience some period later, some short period later in the hospital that knocked his little socks off. I mean, literally, I read a story one time where the socks flew straight off. No, I'm just kidding. That didn't happen. but it sounded pretty good anyway just like he just it it it rocked his world and and each began to change and the cool part about it the stuff that i thought was fantastic was that a few short years later here is this train wreck joined at the hip with a couple of other train wrecks and they're going to write one of the coolest spiritual pieces ever written that little piece where they talk about step 11. This stuff is huge. The fact that Bill Wilson was able to put this stuff together at the bottom of 85 and 86 and 87, the fact that he was able to put this together based on where he had come from is a miracle even in itself. Any of you guys and gals, y'all ever read Brennan Manning? Y'all never read him? He Brendan Manning was a kind of a Catholic rogue. They depending on he was also an alcoholic and depending on where he was in his in his alcoholism, the church either loved him to death or just wanted him to go away. He was just a pain in the butt, but he wrote some amazing stuff. And because he had experience in AA, he used to talk glowingly about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is I always love it when clergy read this stuff and see the wisdom of approaching it this way. Guys, I don't know about y'all, but if this had been written any other way than 85, 86, and 87, If this had been written any other way, I wouldn't have listened to it ever. I wouldnít because Iím as contemptuous as Bill Wilson was. This stuff all came from left field and I would not have moved towards it and even given it a chance. And Bill knew that and it was because he wrote it the way that he did that had a door that was so wide open that youíd be crazy not to walk through it. Youíd be lazy not to go there. It was just, it made it so easy to just move towards it. And once you move towards It's like how many of y'all remember the first time you ever saw God in your in your just walking around I mean it's like I have an experience with my creator, and now I can't unsee my creator. I see him in plants. I see them in clouds. I see when I'm running. I see Him in your faces. I see, I cannot unsee Him. He's there. And it's so real that you just go like, holy cow, how do I? I want more always. I want to move towards that stuff in a profound way. Okay, I need to hurry. I was in a meeting one night, and there was a kid in there that was about, he couldn't have been 19 or 20. Real young guy. And he said, I want to, if I could just take a minute here in this meeting tonight, I wanted to tell you something that my sponsor told me this morning. We have a quiet time in this halfway house where I'm living. And this morning, he said something that I thought was pretty funny, but I also later in the day figured it was pretty profound. And everybody in the room's going, bring it, come on. We're almost out the door anyway. So go ahead. And he said, he asked me to look at it like this. He said, if God was your girlfriend, would she be upset with how much time you spent with her? And I laughed. I mean, out loud, I laughed at the deal and I went, that's the stupidest thing. And then a little bit later, I went, yeah, I don't know. But the reality of this stuff is, guys, our time with our creator is huge. The book is clear. Our experience collectively is painfully clear. I mean, there's no weirdness to that. We know that just anecdotally from watching each other's experience like that. What I find amazing is how often we trivialize that stuff. Mark asked me one time, he said, Mars, how much time do you spend with God every day? And I said, I don't spend time with God Every Day. And he said when you do spend time of God, how Much Time Do You Spend With Him? And I said, I don't know, a couple of minutes. And he said, like maybe when you're leaving the house. And I went, yeah, yeah. Like that. When I'm backing my pickup out of the driveway, I'll say, God help me today that I don' t do something stupid. He said, that's it, right? Really? And I'm like, yeah . . . He said , Myers, I'm just trying to get you some perspective on this kind of stuff. He said . . ." Why is it that you don't want to move closer to God? And I say, it's not necessarily that. I just don't really know what to do. and he said do you ever have quiet time and I said I'm being real transparent with you okay some of this is kind of embarrassing I because I told him I said I don't have quite time because it makes me embarrassed um to do it and he goes Myers you what are you just playing the man card or I don' t understand why do you why would you think it's embarrassing and I say it's just I don''t feel I mean okay point made And he said, well, I hope so. Because unless you can figure out a way to spend more time with God, you're going to have a real flat relationship in these rooms and it's going to get drier and drier until eventually you're going to go, is this all there is? And you don't want to be here anymore. And at the time, again, I don't understand it, but then I got to where I did understand it. We really want to set aside when we're doing this and when we'RE teaching this, I can't talk about 11th step stuff without talking about sponsorship and how we look at this kind of stuff. The book is clear on awakening um uh when we go to bed at night um it i don't want to get into the directions on that because the directions are right there you just got to read them it's not so much that it this other stuff is um my job is to if i if i was so fortunate to sponsor ally my job did is to tell ally the truth and one of the things that i would need to tell ally is let's be really really open with each other about what our relationship with our creator looks like i don'T know i DON'T we don't want superficial, goofy stuff going on. We want real life, intimate relationship. And to figure that out as we move towards God, things get deeper and richer. And all of a sudden, my ability to do crazy things that I swore I would never do like sponsorship, like working with others. Can you guys imagine? Can you all imagine what a train wreck it would be if Bill Wilson had wrote step 12 in place of step 11 and put 11 on the other side of that like that. We're going to work with others before we have a relationship with God. Can you imagine how self-driven that nightmare would be? This would be called Trainwrecks Anonymous, I promise you. The cool part about this stuff is that the very thing that I said I would never ever do, which is work with other people because it scares the spit out of me the one thing I said I'd never do I found myself unable to stay away from and it became woven into the most amazing fabric of my life my day is full of phone conversations and dealing with folks and trying to help folks and it's changed everything about my life and the cool part about that stuff is that my family tends to dig me these days My wife doesn't run. She didn't walk in the other room. When I walk in, when I walk into the room, we can actually be in this. I know it's going to be a shock. I know what's a surprise. We can actually be in the same room at the same time. It I know it shocks me too. It's the it's the coolest thing. There was a let me make a couple of fast suggestions and then we can talk about some other stuff like that. Because I think it takes courage to sometimes move towards something that we don't fully understand. And so if I say, if somebody says, um, uh, if I go, Allie, I want you to have a relationship with God. Um, and so I want You to just go, uh uh do that. Well, He might or He might not depending on on what He's willing to do. And some people have have different abilities to move that way. And so um let me, I just want to make a couple of suggestions. And some of this stuff is so stupid that you'll just go, that's so stupid. Um, but, but I, I just, it'll give you an idea of kind of what we're talking about on this. Um. One of the things, believe it or not, that finally helped me slow down was a little app called insight timer. Um, some of you guys have seen it. Uh, some OFU have it on your phone right now. It's a little free app. You can buy a one that costs money. I just took a little free app on it like this and it's just meditation stuff. Um, I practiced yoga for years and, and, uh, it kind of made me think back about that, but, but it's not real heavy stuff. I mean, I guess you could dig around and find some heavy stuff, but I mean there's little three minute meditations, four minute, five minute medinations, but you will shut your head up guys. If your head's like mine, I mean my head is like a train station all the time. I've got crunch stuff coming in, stuff going out. And I just, Barefoot Bill in New York one time said, Myers, you have a train station head, but you feel like you've got to get on every train that comes in. And I went, you're absolutely right. I completely am that guy. And so this little insight timer helped me understand that I could be still for a little while. And buddy, I'm telling you, it got to be magic sitting still for 15 or 20 minutes and just chilling. And the little app helped. Another thing that was a kind of transformational for me, there was a how many of y'all have like 15 daily readers? Maybe 20 of them there. You probably have them waist high at your house. So they're just like there's a jillion of them out there. Years ago, they produced one called In God's Care, and it was written by I think it was written by a couple of gals, and they, I just love it. I'm telling you guys, I've read all these other ones like that, and God's Care is available online. You can do it in a, get an actual paper book, and it's amazing. It seems that it connects with me in a way that no other daily reader has it, and I just, it's just pretty amazing. There's another piece of literature out there that my buddy Mike gave, trying to turn me on to. It's called The Way of Serenity. How many of you guys have ever heard the serenity prayer? Anybody in that room tonight? Okay, maybe. How many of you are so tired of hearing the serENITY prayer that you want to scream sometimes? I mean, we just do it for 33 years and you'll be one like, oh, please hurry. Please hurry. I just, this little book called The Way of Serenity was one of those books that took the serenity prayer and made me see what it was really about. In a way, it's written in really small chapters. Each chapter, there's like 25 chapters, I think. And each chapter you can read in a morning. It's no big deal at all like that. But but it's it's really, really it'll it'll now it makes me sore. I'm so emotional that when we say the serenity prayer, I get emotional because it means something now instead of just something a whole bunch of people said. um the other thing that let me i would like to suggest is is if you struggle with um uh 11th step stuff with with prayer and meditation and and uh getting your day started with this stuff sometimes the key is just going outside now i know some of y'all are just shaking your head going that's the stupidest thing next to the other stupid thing he just said that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Um, but, but sometimes guys, there's this, there is something about being outside that settles me down and centers me in a way, um, that, uh, I can sit out there. I've got a little special place outside that I sit and it's, uh... it's just, um, it's... just special because I sit there every day. It's just... it' nice. I like to be there like that. But, but something about being outside makes it so much easier for me to kind of get my head wrapped around some of this stuff. Let me mention one more real quick thing and then I'll get out of here. It's a real, real quick deal. I am in your own experience and in the experience of the men and women that you sponsor. Getting folks to move towards a relationship with their creator is a game changer. It changes their program, it changes their way they look at sobriety, it changed their ability to look at life without all the anxiety and the angst and the fears that we carry into this stuff. It's a, it's sort of an amazing deal, but some of us have had so much trouble in the beginning, getting moved towards a relationship with God that I have a guy that I met one time that was struggling so much with this whole thing. He was just not ever going to get it. And I asked him one time, I said, buddy, can you just go slow and move towards something that's, that's bigger than you? And he said, there's nothing out there bigger than me, and then he goes, well, maybe I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and the next day when I saw him, he said, he says, I think I've got my idea of God. I said, what is that? And he said it's Thor, and I remember I went, you're sore, and he goes no, no, Thor. I said hammer guy, that guy, and it goes yeah. Now listen, I could have gone, oh come on man, it's not, come on, that's crazy, don't do that, but I just said rock on, let's see what happens. And, uh, I'm telling you, this kid was in treatment and he, he was like a little walking miracle. He changed and he changed and He changed when he left treatment. I knew he was going to be okay. He was so plugged in that it wasn't even funny. And I, I saw him a month or two later and I said, I said dude, how's Thor? He goes, Thor is bad-ass. Everything is going great. And I said okay, cool. I saw Him about six months later and i said house house thor he goes oh buddy check this out. And he took his shirt off, and he pulled everything back like this. And he had a tattoo of Thor on his back with his arm coming around with this big hammer across his chest. And I went, dang, that's pretty special. Now, listen, the reason I'm telling you this story is I saw him about three months later at a treatment center deal. And, and I said, you all right? He said, I couldn't be better I said how's Thor and he goes Thor's okay and I said uh-oh it sounds a little funny and he says no I just realized the other day though that I've kind of moved on Thor's not big enough and I went right and he said yeah yeah about a year later he sent me this picture and I couldn't read it. I couldn'T see what it was and I asked Londa to vigorize it for me. She's my technical whiz and so she vigorized it and I looked at it and he's standing next to some glass with water in it and I said, dude, where are you? And he said, oh, I just got baptized and I went, no kidding and he said yeah. He said, it's amazing how far this thing has come and I'm like, yeah, I know. Guys, listen, the reason I'm telling you this crazy story. Where you start is not nearly as important to me as where you end up. If you want a life that's transformed, if you want a wife that's completely different, quit playing games and writing this 11th step off as if it's optional. It's only optional if you want a bleak, stale, one day at a time, goofy sobriety. If You want to understand what true recovery looks like. The key is a relationship with God. That's all I got, guys. Thanks.