He Thought the AA Meeting Was a Cult – Sterling H.

About This Speaker Tape

Northern Japan, 1981. A man sits on a barstool, drifting toward a total collapse. Sterling H. describes himself as a "weird kid" from the South Bronx who grew up in the projects, far from the split-level lawns of television sitcoms. He speaks of a "maelstrom" in his head that only a tall can of Colt 45 could quiet, eventually trading the Bronx for the Air Force—a move he calls joining the "Department of Defense" because they had nuclear weapons.

The wreckage is concrete: kerosene money spent on drinks while his wife and daughter froze in the house, and a "dance of death" in a marriage fueled by a rapacious creditor that takes everything. Sterling admits he didn't see the light; he felt the heat. After a stint in the Philippines and a brush with the "doorknob on the other side" in a psych ward, he found a Higher Power through the grit of sponsorship. No fairy dust, just a sponsor who forced him to wear a tie and mow the lawn to kill his self-centeredness.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sterling H. opens with his sobriety date: June 2, 1981.
• 5:45 Discussion of the 'allergy of the body and obsession of the mind' from the Big Book.
• 12:10 Sterling describes his time in the Air Force and the 'three hots and a cot' that fueled his drinking.
• 18:30 The guilt and grief following the death of his mother in 1978.
• 24:15 Laughter: Sterling describes his 'bizarre behavior' in Japan and the ultimatum from the Air Force.
• 31:00 First encounter with AA in Japan; describes the group as a 'cult' that passes the basket.
• 38:45 The 'suicide hour' at 3:00 AM and the support he received from Kathy.
• 45:20 Sterling's experience with a strict sponsor in Omaha and the requirement to wear a tie.
• 52:10 The emotional weight of his Step 5 and the turning point in his recovery.
• 58:00 Reflections on his divorce and the humility learned from other members' losses.
• 1:05:15 The redemption of his relationship with his daughter and her valedictorian speech.
• 1:12:00 Closing story about the puzzle of the world and putting the Higher Power in the center.