He Spent Thousands in Psychoanalysis to Redress His Feelings – Clancy I,Johnny H

About This Speaker Tape

Christmas - 1988

A rainy Christmas Eve serves as the backdrop for Clancy I. to dissect the lethal illusion of the 'perfect' holiday. He recalls the wreckage of his past—sleeping in an abandoned car at Wilshire and Fairfax being fired as a janitor on Christmas Eve and the visceral horror of waking up in a pool of blood in Juarez while his children looked on. Clancy I. argues that for the alcoholic alcohol isn't just a drink but a chemical correction for a fundamental feeling of being 'different' and emotionally out of whack. He describes the disease as a two-fold problem: a mental obsession and a physical sensitivity. Through a gritty lens he warns that the only way out is total desperation and a willingness to be 'bully-ragged' by the program until the holes in the soul are filled by something other than a bottle.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Clancy I. opens with a joke about his assistant George W. and the logistics of his 29th trip to the meeting.
• 4:15 Description of a hideous, tattered Christmas tree in an American Legion Hall basement from 28 years prior.
• 8:30 Recounting the night he spent in an abandoned car at Wilshire and Fairfax and his refuge in Cantor's Delicatessen.
• 13:45 The 'pool of blood' story: waking up in Juarez after being knocked out in a bar on Christmas morning.
• 18:20 Laughter: The chaos of directing a children's Christmas pageant.
• 25:10 Analysis of the 'Days of Wine and Roses' Playhouse 90 show and the identification of 'ugliness' in the world.
• 32:40 Discussion of the 'unusual reaction' to alcohol and the feeling of being 'different' from others.
• 41:15 The story of the judge telling Clancy I. he is 'too sorry' for his mistakes.
• 48:50 The 'two-fold illness': breaking down the mental obsession and the physical sensitivity/allergy.
• 55:20 The 'HALT' concept (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and how it triggers emotional instability.
• 58:10 Closing thoughts on the 'incremental spiritual experience' and the necessity of desperation.