He’s an Expert on Good Intentioned Self-Destruction 😂 – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

1978. A trap he couldn't spring. Bob D. describes himself as an expert in good-intentioned self-destruction, a man who spent seven years in a cycle of sincere promises and inevitable relapses. He describes his alcoholism not as a habit, but as a chronic illness—a runaway train with no brakes. To Bob, the "phenomenon of craving" is a hidden predator; he recalls the panic of being two glasses of wine deep at a dinner party, eventually locking himself in a bathroom to chug cough medicine just to stop the mental spin.

He rejects the idea of "just saying no," arguing that for the chronic alcoholic, sobriety itself can drive a person insane. He speaks of a "spiritual malady," a chronic malcontent that makes the shine wear off every new job or motorcycle in weeks. He views his thirst not as a craving for liquid, but as a low-level yearning for wholeness. Now, he relies on a Higher Power and a strict game plan of service to stay off the train.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening prayer and Bob D.'s introduction.
• 4:30 Bob D. describes his history of relapses from 1971 to 1978 and his suicide attempt.
• 8:15 Discussion of Dr. S. and the 'phenomenon of craving'.
• 13:40 Bob D. explains the difference between acute and chronic alcoholism.
• 18:20 Laughter: Story about the 'Amway' sponsor.
• 22:10 Detailed account of the dinner party and the bathroom cough medicine incident.
• 32:45 Discussion of the 'collapse of the alibi system' and the nature of the disease.
• 38:10 Analysis of the 'spiritual malady' and the feeling of being restless, irritable, and discontented.
• 44:30 Bob D. discusses the 'magical effect' of early drinking and the yearning for wholeness.
• 51:15 The 'Alien' face-hugger metaphor for the claustrophobia of sobriety.