He Argued With the Counselor About the Statistics – Ray K.

My name is Ray and I'm an alcoholic. By the grace of God, I haven't had a drink or a pill since June the 15th of 1965. When I go to meetings on chip nights and they call Sally Sue for six months and Johnny B for nine months and all that, and Sally Sue and Johnny B ain't there, it kind of makes me think of in World War II after every firefight or after every battle, you'd have a roll call. And the ones that didn't answer, didn't answer for a real serious reason. Because they weren't going to answer ever anymore to anything. You know, they were among the killed in action. And, you know, we're not dealing... We're dealing with chickenpox here with alcoholism. I'm going to do a little statistics here that I heard and I didn't like when I heard it. And I argued with it and I fought with it because I didn't want these statistics to be true. But alcoholism is the third largest killer in the United States. Behind. Behind heart trouble and cancer. We've got heart trouble, cancer, alcoholism. But you really can't tell about statistics because a lot of people die and they die from alcoholism. But out of kindness to the family, it's listed as heart failure or something else. So we really don't know. But even as it is, it's the... It's the third largest killer. And that's pretty good. You know. But what was even worse, I was in the nuthouse and this hard-nosed counselor. He used to open up and he would say... I was in the alcoholic ward down at Terrell. And he'd say, now I'm not running for election. I don't care whether you believe this or not. In fact, I don't care whether you believe this or not. You get well or not. Some of you won't. But he'd say, if you want to learn how to stay sober, I know how. And when you leave here, you're at least going to know how to stay sober. Whether you do or not, of course, that's up to you. But he said, guys like you, and he would look at me, the pill heads, the alcoholics and the pill heads, he said, only 2% of you recover. God damn, I'm out of my chair right there. And the argument is on. Who wants to believe that only a lousy 2% are going to recover and you're one of those where 98% go down? That's bad. And so I would argue with him. He'd say, I can't help it. That's what it is, 2%. Don't blame me. I didn't make these statistics. I'm just repeating them. Well, finally, after I'd been there about two or three months, he said the same old thing, 2% of the pill heads recover. And I was, you know, I didn't jump out of my chair and start an argument. And I used to argue and say, well, the statistics are wrong. Or maybe they're not trying hard enough. Or maybe this. Or maybe that. But finally, I didn't say anything. And after the class was over that day, he said, Ray, I want you to come to my office. So I went and he said, how come no argument today on the 2% pill head recovery rate? And I said, oh, I don't know. I'm just tired of arguing about it. He said, no, this is the first time you haven't stopped a class. And I said, well, I don't know. But I just didn't care to go into it anymore. He said, no, what's happened is you really believe it. Don't you? And I said, well, so what? What of it? Or something to that effect. You know, this is 23 years ago. And he said, well, I'm going to tell you something now that would have been useless to tell you before. Nevertheless, it was true before. And it is true today and will be true tomorrow. But I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you now because maybe you can understand it. And so I sat there in my sullen way. And he said, if 98% go down the tube and 2% do recover, that means that if you want to badly enough, more than anything in the world, you could be one of those 2%. God, he opened double doors for me. He opened. He opened the gates so wide I could have driven a truck through it. He gave me a way out in spite of the statistics. Because out of every 100, if 98 go down the drain and die from boozing and pilling, 2 don't. And he said that if I wanted to badly enough, I could be one of those 2. God, what a hell of a thing to do. It never occurred to me when I was fighting with him about the statistics. What the hell difference does it make? If it was 99.9 and only one-tenth of 1% recovered, I could be that one. So he opened the door for a way out for me. We had to memorize the chapter that was read here tonight. Rarely have we seen a person fail. We had to memorize that chapter and repeat it. And Larry said we're going to have to repeat it in order to get out of tarot. I didn't really believe that. But I didn't really disbelieve it either. And so I memorized it. Like everybody else in my class. And to memorize that chapter is a good thing. To talk about that chapter is a good thing. Because there is a tremendous amount of information in that chapter. And I'm going to talk about it tonight. There's only one thing better than memorizing it and talking about it. And of course that's the thing that you and I can't live long without. We've got to do what it says. There's a friend of mine who was a teacher of mine in AA. Dentist over in Louisiana. And he used to always say, Well, AA meetings are a good place to sit around and talk. Because somebody might suddenly decide to do something. And that's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. Nobody's going to offer you a drink or pill here. And eventually, one of us, the light may turn on and we decide to do some of these things we're talking about. And then, of course, we're home free. You know, I talked about step one, about the dual problem, a physical allergy to alcohol, which condemns us to death if we drink, and a mental obsession. different from the craving but a mental obsession that insists that I drink. And I may be sober 10 years but that mental obsession could still be operative and eventually I will drink again unless I get something very, very, very real between me and that first drink. And of course fortunately for people like you and me that very real help the help that we cannot live long without starts to become apparent in the second step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Very simple words. We came to believe something happened in my beliefs in my thinking and in my understanding after I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't bring this thinking with me. I brought a lot of magnificent thinking but I didn't bring this. I didn't bring the thinking I needed to save my life. I brought other kinds of things other thoughts. We came to believe something happened in my mental process after I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. And that belief that changed was that a power greater than myself could do something for me which I couldn't do for me. It could restore me to sanity but I wasn't insane. You got 90 days in the nut house but I wasn't insane. I really wasn't insane. I don't know how I can make that diagnosis. I've got no medical training. I have no psychiatric training. How can I make a medical diagnosis on me that I'm not insane and have it with any accuracy? But I wasn't insane. But the second step of the program implies that I am nuts because a sane person doesn't know what's going on. A sane person does not need to be restored to sanity. There's no need for the second step unless there is a little bugginess in me. Well, if it's good enough for you to be nuts, darling, I'll go along with it. It's good enough for me. I will not continue to make myself an exception to the rule while they're lowering me in the grave. I have decided that I am one of the most and one of you in every respect. And whatever this book of Alcoholics Anonymous says about people like me, I'm going to apply it to my life. So I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity even though I really didn't think I was insane. But there's there's a little deal in here talking about insanity. Our human resources as marshaled by the will were not sufficient. Lack of power was my dilemma. I couldn't make up my mind to say no to a drink and stick to it. And this book is all about how to find that power. That's going to do something for me that I can't get done. Now, at the very end of the chapter on agnostics, I'm going to talk just briefly about this, about why I finally believed that I was nutty. Because the book says so. It's talking about a man who was having a problem accepting a power greater than himself. And he was in the hospital one more time after one more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more about with drinking, which did exactly the same thing to him that it had done many, many times before. It knocked him to his knees and put him in the hospital. This guy thought to himself after some A's had called on him, if there's a God, he certainly hasn't done anything for me. But later on, Later alone in his room, he asked himself this question. Is it possible that all the religious people I have known are wrong? That's a good question. Is it possible that all of the people that I have known, who say I have a drinking problem and I say they're goofy, are wrong? And then another question entered his mind, and that question was, who are you to say that there is no God? And something happened for this individual, and he had the flash sort of spiritual experience that, of course, we'd all like to have. The problem of drink was then removed. His life became joy and peace, and he lived happily ever after and probably won the Reader's Digest $10 million sweepstakes. But here's what the results were, according to the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude. That's one of the larger words used in this book. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. Now, listen. Listen. Listen. Listen to what this book is saying. Save for a few brief moments of temptation, the thought of drink has never returned. At such times, a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly, he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. Sanity. Sanity. Sweet sanity. The alcoholic who cannot take the first drink. Period. Can't take it.06 Seventeen days later. Think about it. Four years ago, you just saw a gorgeous woman buy any kind of coffee. She was twenty- fou Figures. Basically, what she bought was a small晚上 beer. A long duration, you can see thee. Lords. Well, that notation it is. But son does that. have those goodies. I came that close to them when I raised up from measuring that damn floor. And I saw those things and I'm telling you, I looked at them and I started shaking all over. I was so frightened of them, I just wanted to smash them. Now, I didn't have to stop and think, look, you'll go back to the nuthouse. Look, you'll lose your job. Look, Billy will be gone again. Look, you'll probably die. I didn't have to stop and go over all that business. It's all true. But I just saw those things accidentally and a total revulsion came over me. Exactly what is described in this book happened to me in that lady's house. God had restored my sanity. I saw the thing that was going to kill me. It just absolutely put sheer terror through me. It wasn't premeditated. It just happened. What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstance made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his maker. Then he knew. You see, we don't know and then make the deal with God. We offer ourselves to a power greater than ourselves. Then we know. Even so, has God restored us all to our right minds? Our right minds. Our right minds. Sanity. Some of us grow into it more solely. To this man it was a sudden revelation. But he has come to all of us who have honestly sought him. All of us. There is no exception to this rule. Everybody at that table who will make a genuine effort to get the help will receive it. It doesn't make any difference how smart you are, how good your social standing is, whether you have six months or not. Doesn't make any difference. All you got to do is ask. Ask. Ask. A genuine seeking. It may be that you could seek and ask much better than I. But this is not a contest for a promotion within IBM. It is a contest for a promotion within IBM. We are all children. We are each children. Of the creator. And I didn't make this up. And I don't care whether you believe it or not. I really don't. I really thought Larry was the coldest, hardest, sorry old bastard that ever lived. When he said I don't care if you get well or not. But when you leave here you are going to know how to stay sober. I thought how in the hell can they be paying a man to help us who have volunteered ourselves for this alcoholic program. I was getting ready to go over to Fort Worth to that federal deal where they put you in there for a long time. And there is no canteen. It was not socially popular to be a pill taker 23 years ago. I was about to go to the hospital. I was breaking the law. I don't know about it today. But I was breaking the law and I was going to that federal place over in Fort Worth and I didn't know if I would ever get out. When we drew near to him he disclosed himself to us. That is what this book says. That is what people in AA say. That is what I know. I am totally convinced. So I don't have to argue about it. Okay. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed this path. Now it is going to be very specific here. It is going to tell us the ones that don't. Rarely have we seen anybody fail who has thoroughly followed the path. But those who do not recover are people who either cannot or will not lend themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. We are not talking about pocketbook honesty. We are not talking about paying our bills. We are not talking about not cheating our customer. That is bad business. That is dumb. That is just stupid. If you want to stay in business for a long time you better get honest with your customer and your employer. But if you want to live in AA you better get honest with yourself. Because if you don't you might be one of these rarelies. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover Now this is plain. This is plain talk from the book. Those who do not recover are people who either cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. It is an easy program. It is not difficult. Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. Right there they are telling us look let's not look down our nose at them because God knows we are the fortunate ones. These people may have something in their makeup that just makes it totally impossible for them to fulfill the very necessary requirement of recovery. The ability to be honest with themselves. Without this there is no permanent recovery. Our story is disclosed in a general way what I used to be like. I was handsome and debonair and witty and wonderful and boring and glum and stupid. You know I was just a person like you. I had things that I wanted in life. You are a little too fast for me. I had ideals. I had ambitions. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be somebody. Don't ask me what somebody was. All I know is I wanted to be somebody. Our story is disclosed in a general way what we used to be like. What happened? My life went downhill downhill downhill from one disaster from one calamity to another to just total desolation. And I couldn't do anything about it. I knew I was in a terrible fix. My friends and loved ones family knew that I was in a terrible fix and we couldn't do anything about it. What happened? My wife turned me into AA. How did I get here? What happened? My wife turned me in. In order to get back in her good graces I went to AA. Formed a bunch of excuses about why I was alcoholic. Admitted to it. That's what happened. Our story is disclosed in a general way what we were like and what happened. My wife turned me in. And what we are like now. Some ten years later after she turned me in, I got a permanent sobriety date that has never changed. It took me a while to catch on. If you don't take the first drink you won't get drunk. I didn't learn this for ten years. But, what happened? What am I like now? Well, you see me. Again, the guy that talked about meetings are a good place to go to sit around and talk until somebody decides to do something. Oh God, what a statement that is. He said, if you can't see what I am it won't do any good to tell you. My life is absolutely totally changed. For the better. I know some people who are not very much impressed with my life. At least they don't act like they are. All I can say to them is you didn't know me in 64. All I can say to them is their powers of will are beyond my control. I can't tell you how much I love you. I can't tell you how much I love you. Roll up your sleeves, with a stamp of this technique of observation. Really. Need a little brushing up. My life is pretty good. Billy and I been married thirty.... Since 1952. Whatever that is. Thirty five years. I know she had a brand new 1952 Cheve-L. Well, she was wonderful. È a lot of things that were better than that Chevrolet too. But anyway, Billy and I really just hit it off swell. But we've been married 35 years, and the last, the first 15 was just sheer hell. We fought about everything continually. The last 21 years has been a lot better than average, I'll tell you. It's really been good. What is it like now? Billy and I both have, but I'm going to speak for me. I have a tremendous respect for her. I thought I was marrying a really good looking girl who had a hell of a figure and was kind of a dummy that I could push around. God damn. I have been saluting the flag for 35 years. And I love it. I really do. I had no idea. I had no idea what I was getting. I really had no idea at all. She can do it all. She can do anything and does. And I just love it. If you're going to stay married 35 years, I suggest you try it this way. Or don't try it at all. What is it like? Richard What I can do is yes. I wouldn't teach my children anything like that. Ew. Let me pray. Let's pray. Richard Let me pray. I'll see you to see if you're going to appear and be a miracle. I think you know the family. They were現在 saying I could see God. I think that example came out of an accurateirty. Richard I started thinking all the time. Intro. Richard I've become very very hungover all of a sudden. And it was why not. She compensate was okay. Richard number. I quit smoking four times in Terrell in 90 days. You're not going to run out of money. I didn't have any desire to quit smoking. I just ran out of money. We have twin granddaughters that are 16 years old. Billy is getting ready to take them on a cruise. She's run out of people to take on cruises, and so she's going to take them on a cruise in the spring. What is it like? We can do whatever we want within the realm of reasoning, and when I went to Terrell, I had 800 and some odd dollars worth of hot checks out and could not pay them and knew I was going to jail for them, and I was right. I did. Lousy $800. I got more invested in golf balls than $800 right now. You ought to see my putters and what is it like now? I have a job, I have something I can do that is worthwhile. I can walk up to your company and say, Madam President I have a service that I I can offer to you that is really worthwhile. And I'll line a baloney. I can do it. And there's no bragging to it. I can just do it, that's all. I've been doing it every day for 21 years. I ought to be able to do it. But I have a service that your company can't live without if you sell an intangible or a tangible product. If you market a product to the public, I can help you. Give me your worst area that you got, if you're doubtful. Give me the area that's drowning you, that's taking 90% of your attention and bringing in 90% of your deficit. Give it to me for six months and let me show you what I can do for you. Then if you're not happy and I'm not happy, I'll go my way and no harm done. I don't go to somebody and ask them for a job on what they can do for me. I go and tell them what I can do for them because I can do something. I hate the statement, welcome aboard. I want somebody in my organization who can paddle. I don't want a passenger riding, getting his draw. What has happened? Billy and I get along. We can pay our bills. I have a service I can perform. All of this was not true 21 years ago. Now. You, here's why I went into this. If you have decided you want what we have. And you are willing go to any length to get it. Then you're ready to take certain steps. What steps? The steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now I sell things. But I would never sell anything with this much strength. With all the earnestness at our command. We have to continue our work together, as a family. I beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I would never say that. If she were buying a house for me, I would never say with all the earnestness at my command, I beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I'd say, come on, let's do it now. But I wouldn't ever get that serious with her. And yet, Bill Wilson, one of the great intangible salesmen of all times, said it right here. He wanted to stress the importance of this right from the start, lest we not get on a detour and go down ten years of rough sledding like I did from 1955 to 1965. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough. From the very start. When is the very start? Right now. In Alcoholics Anonymous, we learn to live in the now. And now is the start. Not 1965 for me, although that is my dry date. I start every day right now. And Bill Wilson begged of me to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Alright. He told me what had happened with half measures. Nothing. I tested him. He was right. He didn't miss it at all. He was right. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. Second big word. the book pertinent three key ideas and they are the abcs of alcoholics anonymous they're the meat a that i am alcoholic and i cannot manage my own life that's one pertinent idea number two that probably no human power could have relieved my alcoholism god knows your husband would have done it for you right my sister's billy would have done it for me she turned me in but she couldn't keep me sober your parents would have done it for you probably that be that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism c here comes the great deal for people like you and me when we are ready that god could and would if we do our part i've already spoken about our part that's the seeking being convinced we were at step three now if you are not convinced that a you are an alcoholic and can manage your own life if you're not convinced that there is no human power that can help you and if you're not convinced of those two things forget the deal you got two deals come on you're going to do what you can do you might as well do that now you can't come out and drink some more going out and drink some more which is really bad or you can study this as if your very life depended on it and see if you can't understand what it's saying because it's true see if you cannot identify with it see if you can't read that thing about that man who had a great revulsion well up in him As if he couldn't drink at all. I finally related my pill experience when I was measuring that carpet to that very thing in the book. I can read this book over and over and say, my God, that's me. That's me. That's me. That's me. But being convinced of that, we're then at step three. Let me tell you how I got through step two. It finally occurred to me that all of you could not be lying to me. I'm talking about after 11 years in AA. It finally occurred to me that you could not all be lying to me. About a minute or two after that fantastic revelation, it occurred to me that you could not be lying to yourself either. Not all of you. Most of you maybe, but not all of you. You had no reason. No reason to tell me a story. And you couldn't all be goofy. There were too many good things happening in your lives. And then after that, it occurred to me that nearly all of you were saying in your own fashion, something like this. My life was over. I was totally hopeless. I despaired of finding any solution whatsoever. I came to AA. Somehow, or another, I got a relationship with a power greater than myself. And now, hunky-dory, I'm on top of the world. Now, you said it differently, of course, depending upon your own circumstances, but that's how it came out. And I said to myself, they can't all be lying. They can't all be nuts. Maybe if I do what they say they did, just maybe, the same thing could happen, to me. You see, I was beginning to edge toward being one of those 2% that did recover. I was getting ready to start tiptoeing through the door of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I didn't even know it because I'd been around 11 years. Maybe if I do what you say you did, then maybe too, it can happen for me. What have I got to lose? And that's how I tiptoed through the screen. the second step and eventually I came to, in my own time, believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity also. I made a decision to attempt to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. So I went around talking to people who had much more time than I did in AA, in sobriety, usually these were convention speakers. I like to associate with the big wigs. I still do. I thought they could help me and I still think that same thing. And I would ask them what their conception of God was and they would tell me. I never had one say, none of your business. They all love to talk about this. And I got many conceptions. I got the three O's. Omnipresent, omnipotent, and the other O that I can't say. But it's the three O's. Then I got the, who can say that third one? Omnipotent, omnipresent, and the other one, if you lisp, you can't say it. I'm what? Omniscient. It's a hell of a word. All right, but anyway, I had no disagreement with any of those things. But I didn't have any feeling for it and I rather supposed you better be real with this. So I went on to somebody else's concept of the higher power. And they said, that God is good and God is life and life is God. And I had no disagreement with that at all. But I didn't have any feeling for it. And then, I went back to my days as a boy when I lived at home with my Irish Catholic parents. And I thought about the divine trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the things that we were taught to believe in by the good sisters. And some of the special things that Catholics are privileged to believe in, because we're better than Protestants. But one of them is that you will never die, you'll never die without the benefit of the priest if you make nine first Fridays of Holy Communion. That means if you go to confession on Thursday night, go to Holy Communion on Friday, the first Friday of the month, nine times in a row, you'll never die without the benefit of the priest. And I used to ask my father, who was very devout, I said, well, what if you die in a rowboat out in the middle of the ocean? And he'd say, there'll be a priest there. And I'd say, no, you're in a rowboat by yourself. He said, that's not true. That will not happen. There'll be a priest there. What if you get eaten up by a lion in Africa? There'll be a priest right there. Never occurred to me to ask, well, why didn't the priest stop the lion, you know? All right, now we as young boys, with strong-willed mothers especially, are taught to believe these things, and you believe them. You don't understand them, you believe them. But you don't really. You don't disbelieve, but you don't really believe. All right, I had all these concepts. Then finally, it occurred to me, I really don't have any feeling as to what really is and what really isn't. We finally saw that faith in some kind of a God was a part of our makeup, just as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but he was there. We found the great reality deep down within us. In the last analysis, it is only there that he may be found, and it was so with us. If our testimony helps sweep away any prejudice, which enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then if you wish, you can join us on the broad highway. With this attitude, you can't fail. It finally occurred to me my understanding of God was no understanding, and I could make a decision and turn my will in life over to the care of God that I did not understand, and get on with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. My sponsor then, as he always does, suggested we were now at step three. And the book says, if you don't know any other way to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, as you understand him, AA has a way. And I'm through in 15 seconds. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me, to do with me as thou wilt. This is on page 63 of the big book. This is the AA way to actually do step three. And I'm sure you've heard it before. It's the AA way to actually do step three. If you want to do it. If you're entirely convinced that this is the thing for you, on page 63, that's the way. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to your help in my life. Now next, we launched out on a course of vigorous action, which is step four, five, six, seven, eight. And next week, I'm going to talk about that. Because that's what the program suggests. Next.