Guidance and the Ego Through the Lens of Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

New Haven, 1930s. A nine-year-old Sandy B. stares at a twenty-foot crucifix and hears a voice: "That's what happened to his only son... guess what he's going to do to you?" This seed of terror grew into a lifelong feeling of being an imposter. In college, the first three drinks were a waste, but the fourth was a spiritual awakening; suddenly, the world shifted, and everyone wanted to know him. He describes the alcoholic's paradox: the worst thing that can happen is to be sober.

From the cockpit of a fighter jet in Japan to the "nut ward" at Bethesda in a straitjacket, Sandy B. lived the distance between the bottle and the throttle. He describes his descent as "going over Niagara Falls." After a grand mal seizure and a bout of DTs where the CIA was moving walls to make him flunk memory tests, he found a Higher Power. He warns that money is just a "warning label" and that the only real choice is to live on a spiritual basis or die an alcoholic death.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. opens by discussing the collective power of the home group.
• 4:15 Childhood memories of the Catholic church and the 'old ideas' that shaped his early spirituality.
• 8:20 The 'miraculous' first experience with alcohol in college and the feeling of sudden social access.
• 13:45 Life as a Marine fighter pilot and the moment a Major warns him about his drinking intensity.
• 18:10 The collapse: alcohol poisoning, malnutrition, and the 'nut ward' in Bethesda.
• 22:30 Laughter: The 'year's supply' of vodka and his sobriety date of December 7, 1964.
• 26:15 The resentment toward the Marine Corps and the news of the plane crash that spared him.
• 31:40 Discussion on the 'money step' and the warning label on the dollar bill.
• 35:10 Detailed breakdown of the 'Chapter to the Agnostic' and the 'two crappy choices'.
• 41:20 The shift from self-sufficiency to dependence on a Higher Power and the joy of making coffee.