Grew Up Inside the Disease Before I Ever Took a Drink – Lanny L.

About This Speaker Tape

Lanny L. from Gainesville, Georgia tells his story at the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting. His sobriety date is August 8, 2001. He grew up inside the disease — parents divorced before he could remember them together, stepfather an active alcoholic, violence in the home, a childhood spent feeling different and trying to fit in. First drink at 14 to impress older cousins; first drunk about a year later when the fear finally went quiet.

Lanny chased geographic cures for most of a decade. Summer stock in Cherokee at Unto These Hills, scenic design in St. Thomas (where Hurricane Marilyn and a New Yorker named Slim handed him his first Big Book), an eight-month run in Hollywood that ended with an appearance as bachelor number two on The Dating Game and a humiliating retreat from an apartment he couldn't leave, Seattle, Austin with an ex-girlfriend, and finally Europe — teaching English with a three-hour certificate and walking the Camino de Santiago across Spain. He prayed at the apostle's sarcophagus to stop drinking, then spent a week drunk in a rented apartment overlooking the cathedral.

He picked up his white chip at the Welcome Home Group in Flowery Branch. An old biker cornered him on the porch after his fourth day and told him his thinking was real effed up — so Lanny did everything they suggested out of pure defiance. His first sponsor left at five months; the second, still his sponsor today, was the last man he would have chosen and exactly the man he needed. The fifth step cracked open the truth that his real problem was self-esteem, not unrealized ambitions.

Lanny made his ninth step to his father — an active alcoholic who had left him — and learned he had a part in the wreckage too. Years later, outside help got him through a resentment that returned. His father got sober late, got cancer last year, and passed away this year; Lanny was there of service at the end. He has a bachelor's and master's in social work, runs a counseling practice and a DUI class, chairs the Saturday night Freedom Group meeting at the Hog Club, and says he still feels better every time he leaves a meeting.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chair Mike opens the Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NABBA Club and introduces Lanny L. from the Freedom Group in Gainesville
• 2:30 Lanny gives sobriety date of August 8, 2001 and describes growing up in the disease — stepfather's drinking, violence at night, feeling different at school
• 7:00 First drink at 14 in an old Chevy pickup to fit in with older cousins; first real drunk a year later when all the fear finally went away
• 14:00 St. Thomas scenic design job, Hurricane Marilyn destroys the island, a New York coworker called Slim takes him to his first AA meetings and gives him his first Big Book
• 19:00 Hollywood: acting hopes, appearance as bachelor number two on The Dating Game with Chuck Woolery, isolation in his apartment, crossing the line with his drinking
• 28:00 Austin — girlfriend kicks him out; a coworker named George (a walking Big Book) invites him to church then a meeting, Lanny follows him into the lot on Super Bowl Sunday and drives off instead of going in
• 34:00 Europe plan — teaches English with a three-hour certificate, walks the Camino de Santiago, prays at the Apostle's sarcophagus to stop drinking, then drinks alone in a Santiago apartment for a week
• 41:00 August 8, 2001 — picks up white chip at Welcome Home Group in Flowery Branch; old biker on the porch of the Hog Club tells him his thinking is real effed up
• 51:00 Fifth step with current sponsor reveals the real problem is self-esteem, not ambition; learns he had a part in what happened with his father
• 58:00 Ninth step amends to his father; father's late sobriety, cancer and death this year; five-year anniversary trip back to finish the Camino and crying on the flight home