Fourth Step Revealed Six Resentments He’d Been Recycling onto Every Person Since Second Grade – Sean S.

About This Speaker Tape

Sean tells his story at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the Nava Club. Sober since November 12, 1988, he got sober at 21 while in college after only about six years of drinking. He never moderated — from his first drinks at 15 he drank to blackout, threw up regularly, and accumulated bruises he once thought might be a blood disorder. A single-car accident at 17 nearly killed him and his neighbor, but his alcoholic family treated it as bad judgment rather than a drinking problem. College brought daily blackouts, an arrest for breaking into a stranger's car in a blackout, and near-academic failure.

After putting his hand through a window on his last night out, his parents brought him to a 28-day treatment center. He almost talked his way out of signing himself in — his father sided with him — but in a rare moment of honesty he recognized he was lying and signed the papers. Treatment taught him the science of addiction and pointed him toward AA. His first sponsor was just a guy across a card table at his first meeting who said hello. He did 90 in 90 twice, called his sponsor, and slowly rebuilt.

The turning point came at three and a half years sober in Denver, when a no-nonsense Big Book sponsor took him through the steps exactly as written. A thorough fourth step revealed he only had about six core resentments he had been recycling onto every person in his life since childhood. That changed everything. His closest call with drinking came at ten years, when he convinced himself he had gotten sober too young and planned to have a beer the next day. A late-night call to a sober friend who refused to sign off on his nonsense snapped him back. He still goes to three meetings a week, sponsors people, and says he turns into a jerk within days of missing meetings. He married, has two kids, and credits sobriety for a life he never expected to reach.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Meeting opens — Chris Ward chairs, Tim reads from page 29 of the Big Book and introduces Sean
• 3:30 Sean begins — sober November 12 1988 at age 21, started drinking at 15, never moderated, drank to blackout from the start
• 6:00 Single-car accident at 17 — neighbor nearly died, family treated it as bad judgment, not alcoholism
• 10:00 College drinking escalates to daily blackouts — refuses afternoon beers because he knows he will not stop, waits until 11pm to start
• 14:00 Arrested in a blackout sitting in a stranger's car with no ignition slot, six cops tapping on the window, thinks be real nice
• 17:00 Treatment center intake — the counselor describes his life perfectly, he argues well, his dad sides with him, but he signs himself in anyway
• 22:00 First meeting out of treatment — gets first sponsor from a guy across a card table who just said hey how you doing
• 26:00 Early sobriety fog — thought about drinking every day, nearly hit a parked car daydreaming, brain did not sharpen until about a year
• 30:00 Denver at three and a half years — picks an easygoing speaker as sponsor who turns out to be a hard-ass Big Book thumper in a basement in the middle of nowhere
• 38:00 Ten-year close call — dating a party girl, convinces himself he got sober too young, calls a drinking friend then a sober friend who says I am not signing off on your bullshit