Fourth Step Inventory and Resentment – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 12 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

And God has served us a big book, Tim, if we could welcome him. Leaving already? Yeah, good evening everyone. We're covered in alcohol, it's called Big Book Tim. Well, Happy New Year to everyone. I'm glad you're all back. This is pretty exciting. Well, New Year, fourth step, filled room. Wow, miracles happen. Congratulations to all the celebrants. I think that's awesome. I love when people celebrate time. To me, that's just more important than anything. And it's a testament that alcohol synonymous works. That's how I feel about it, in my opinion. I don't care what yours is. So I think we're one shy. I made 30 packets. People are like, oh, I'll probably need like 20, you know, and there's actually 31 people here. So if anybody wants a packet, you've got to come back next week. I'll bring more for you. Sports Step Packets is basically a culmination of other people's experience experience that I use to give people, because I know if you're anything like me, you're a lazy alcoholic. So, you know, I try to make it simple. Like, what do you mean I got it right? Well, you really just kind of have to check things off this way. You do know how to check things off. So I brought that for, you know, educational purposes, for practical purposes. Hopefully it'll get used. The inventories that are in there the uh the charts can be copied so you have them you can use them for the rest of your life there's a couple of uh the fear prompt sheet and the resentment prompt sheet i think are just stellar i didn't write them uh but they're out there and i just think you know if you're any you know like oh i don't know what am i afraid of and then you have this prompt sheet you go yep yep yep yeah yeah yeah yep yep all right and um the same thing with the resentments too. It's like, oh, I'm not really resentful and then you start going down the list and you're like, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, that one, yep, uh-huh, oh, I forgot about that one too, you know, so. Yes, sir? I want to share with Leo if anybody's missing one or lost one. Sure. Yeah, come on. Yes. All right, so we left off on page 64, okay? Last week we said our third step prayer. Well, we didn't but, you know that's where we left off the third step prayer on page 63. I talked about that, that it's important through this whole process that it says we thought well before taking this step, so hopefully we do that and think well instead of like, oh you're doing the thinking while the person's doing the digging, well who's supposed to do it, right? So we said our third step prayer, we basically were asking God we could trip back to that, I'll say it again because I can never say it enough and it says right in the middle of the paragraph, it says God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. And that's just an awesome, awesome prayer. You know, it sets everything up. Because by this time, I've already realized that like, I screwed everything up, right? I'm an alcoholic. I'm powerless over alcohol. My life is completely unmanageable. You know, I'm insane, right. I'm running everything. I got self-will run right. I'm runnin' the show. Like, just bein' compelled by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, self-pity, selfishness, self-centeredness. I'm just drivin' my self car and runnin'. Runnin' over people's toes all over the place. And they go, oh, poor me. You know, all that just crap going on. So then I had to get to that admission of, because it says that, above everything, I must be rid of that selfishness. I must or it kills me. And only God makes that possible. I can't do it. I can' t do it! God makes it possible. So that's why I have that, I made that decision. You know I said, I may, you know like, alright, yeah I'm insane, I can''t do this. alright God usually the God that I don't even believe in yet I don' t even believe he exists can't do anything for me or it or she whatever it is because I can't do much worse you know what I mean like I'm just I'm done I gotta do something different or I'm jut gonna die that's really it I mean it's like you drink again alright you may and then what's gonna happen you know like you know if you're lucky you'll die I mean that's been my experience you know alcohol is a subtle thought, it says that, it's cunning baffling, powerful, patient and jealous right it'll keep you alive for a long time killing your ass you know what I mean like it's not like drugs you know you don't see a lot of like old heroin addicts you know oh I'm sorry am I talking about outside issues well they're inside issues too you know so you know I always when I find when I run into German shepherd dogs alcoholic addicts I'm always excited about that for me personally I'm excited about that because it usually means that they're screwed man they've gotten to a point much faster than most just alcoholics do you know because alcoholics we still have ideas I have an idea and I'm like oh this I gotta hear right so it you know they're at a point of desperation right seeking recovery with the desperation of the drowning man you know because most people who are drowning don't go oh no I'm not ready yet I think I gotta gasp a few hundred more times before you throw me the life preserver you know but for some reason alcohol is so yeah I got it I'll see you soon you know you're dying I'm not sure right because those are all the choices we have to make right we're presented with alcoholic destruction you know what did it say in those second step propositions right to be doomed in alcoholic death you know or to accept spiritual health how many of us we have to think about that give me a second so it's death or God I don't know can I think about it that's just amazing to me so we got to this point where we said, alright, I'm done you know, I need to quit playing God because that's what it says in the book it doesn't work and then I have to set myself up to allow myself that God that I didn't believe in that I made and here it is okay, I am willing to believe that this is the way you know and now I am ready I am already to change my thinking okay, there has got to be something out there not human, not me that will change my thinking. And as a result of that it will change my actions. Okay? Because that's how it works automatically. Automatically it works like that. For those of you who may know something about behavioral stuff to me that's a band-aid. It's only temporary and I'm a testament to that because I was thin. Now I'm fat. Because that's based on my belief system. My belief system is you know what? I can eat cake. I can eat sweets, I can sit around on my butt and not do anything you know that's because the other way is too hard and it's not painful enough yet okay and that's my belief system about it so therefore I'm out of shape and I'm fat when my belief system is about you know what I got to put good things in my body and I have to move and I have to breathe and I had to eat right and I have to sleep right and all this nutrition I become thinner because my belief automatically dictates my behavior right my thinking changes my actions change my feelings change automatically so changing our belief system is so important that's what AA is all about you know, we used to not believe in God and now we're supposed to believe in God, and if you don't hopefully you'll get there because your way just sucks because it says it all over the book you know mine did, Bill's did he said it all the time, we have a whole chapter devoted to that yeah I felt that way too I was wrong and so were you Right? So now we're set up for this. We're set up for this. We're set up on the bottom of page 63 that says that after we do this wonderful prayer that we've decided, made that decision, what's next? Because he tells us next, we've launched out on a course of vigorous action. The first step of which is a personal house clean which many of us have never attempted. That's all about our belief system. We attempted like I'll just do this. I'll do I'll do I'll do I'll do. How about not doing anything? How about just making a decision to just be? Right? That's kind of profound for most of us, right? Like, I'm a human being. Most of the time I'm in human doing, right ? I have to, I have to, have to schedule tea. Really, what's going to happen if none of it gets done? The world's going keep going. You know, there may be consequences in my life, yeah. But you know what? If I die, the earth is going to keep going, man. And who knows? Who knows what people will say? They may go back to call me up and say, you know, like, whatever. But so with the time that I'm given, I need to carry this message because this is what saved me. This is what saved me! What other crap saved me? I had moral and philosophical conditions galore. But I couldn't live up to them. Right? I couldn'T wish away my alcoholism. Couldn'T do it. I needed God's help. And I didn'T like that. What do you mean, I can? I can do anything. Because that's what I was taught, right? You know, I talked about that last week. I was a product of the 80s. Look out for number one. You can do everything. It was recycled, you know, that look that they got with the stamp on it. And I won't say it because I don't want to promote it because it sucks, but... But it's that whole mindset again. It's that hole, you don't need anybody but you thing. you know, and I'm sorry I need people I don't want to need people but I need people in order to do God's work I can't do God work on myself all the time it just doesn't work like that you know it's a 12 step program if I do need to carry it to other people I just sit alone with me and talk to God I'm going to be a crazy person sitting with God God bless you or a monk sitting on a hill somewhere it's about action so it talks about, right here on the top of 64 it says though our decision was a vital and crucial step vital, necessary for life vital, crucial a turning point we're at the bottom, hopefully on our way up it says it could have little permanent effect permanent effect permanent which means that we can overcome alcoholism that's what we just said in the prayer we ask God to take away our difficulties our alcoholism, that victory over it victory over alcoholism well Jews can't do that, only God can do that right? that's what A.A. believes so now we need to, and here's how here's why we do it at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us blocking us from God our liquor was but a symptom so we had to get down to the causes and conditions So right there, that says what I just said. Our liquor was but a symptom. Our drinking was but the symptom. That's not the problem. The problem goes much beyond that. Much further beyond that, right? And here it is. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. And here's a little hint. This was step four. Isn't that nice that he put that in there for us? A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. No regular inventory. Regular. You hear those people. Oh, I did an inventory like ten years ago. Well, they're probably broke. Spiritually? Maybe. Who knows? Generally, people I hear say that and usually go, oh, cool. Don't let him sponsor you. Okay. So taking a commercial inventory Oh, here. These are wonderful words. I love these. It's a fact-finding and fact-facing process. It doesn't say anything about feelings there. We don't care about your feelings. That's what makes you drunk. But, but, feelings, man. Because we're going to get to that. We're goingto get to exactly why I say that, right? It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade. You know, the crap that we think is valuable, which really isn't. You know the broken lamp is broken. Throw it out. Right? Nobody keeps like broken shit around their house with me, right ? because I have a person attached to it. There's feelings involved. Well, it's useless. It's broken. Get rid of it. Out. Right? And he says, One object is to disclose damaged or unsellable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret. Right? If the owner of a business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. Okay? So now, we are owners of our own business. Our own recovery business. Our own spirituality. Our own sobriety. Permanent recovery. We're the owners of that. Us, individually. And it says we can't be successful if we don't get rid of the crap. We can't fool ourselves about values. Okay, well now herein lies the rub. Well, what's valuable to us generally isn't valuable. That's why we do the inventory. so we can find the facts. We can face the facts we put it down, we put it on paper so we could say, oh my god really this? All this? That's been my experience of it still, I do it all the time. So then he says we did exactly the same thing with our lives look at that, I'm not lying we took stock honestly here's some instructions first, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which had caused our failure. Our failure, not our success. We don't write friggin' assets. We don'T put down good things about ourselves. Okay? Because that's not what causes us to fail. Being convinced that self Alright? So I'm kidding you. That's one. Self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us we considered as common manifestations. Okay? So what defeated us? So, me, I defeated, but I need to be convinced. Because if I'm not convinced, stop. Go back, first step. Reservation. Fully conceived. Admit. You know, a reluctant agreement. Be willing. Okay, so by the time I get here, I need to be condensed. I'm convinced. Oh yeah, great, that's for me. Remember we talked about that? It arised our troubles, we think, it arised out of ourselves. No, it arrives out of that dish. You know, like... No, it doesn't work like that. Okay? So I have to look at it. Right? Various ways. In various, various ways. So it's not just one way. Somebody says, resentment is the number one offender. Number one offinder. Right? It destroys more alcohols than anything else. Resentments do. Right? From it, now here's the only place in the book in the first 154 that mentions the word disease. It says, from its stem all forms of spiritual disease. Now here is the problem and the solution in two sentences. Our problem here is, for we have not only been mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. There's our problem. We're spiritually sick, we're mentally sick, we're physically sick. So here's the solution. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physical. That's the promise. when you straighten out spiritually my head clears up I physically clear up no way I don't believe you well then we're not convinced then are we okay now he's going to give us some more instructions here in dealing with resentments oh look at this we set them on paper I'm sure people have heard in those middle of the road meetings you need to do a reinforce that in what program in this one it just gave us we need to put them on tape That's why I gave you a paper to write it on. We lifted people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases, it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relations, including sex, were hurt or threatened, so we were sore, we were burned up. So he's talking about these parts of self, these various forms, the manifestations of self that cause our failure. what our resentments affect the cause of the resentment what it affects those particular things now I'm going to address the word resentment resentment comes from the word the root word sentire it's Latin it means to feel and when you put an R-E in front of any word it means to do it again so resentment means to re-feel so anytime we have a feeling that every time we think about something I want you to think everybody in this room, think about something from your past that annoys the hell out of you right now y'all got one right? if you're in this room you have one right? well now you're re-feeling that, you have a resentment okay? now resentment doesn't mean angry all the time pissed off resentment means to re-fuel so remember we're dealing with negative ones not positive ones negative ones so if we have remorse if we think about something and we have guilt okay if we're if we think about something and we're sad and we think about something and we are disappointed and we think about something and we are shit these are resentments because we re-feel it every time we think about a particular situation we re- feel that I'll give you an example from my life in 2000 year 2000 this is how clear it is She's like, 14 years ago, man. I'm in the supermarket. Nobody can identify me. It's the summertime. I'm walking down one of the aisles. And there's a big stack of Flavo ice. You know what Flavo is? It's that liquid sugar that's, you know, purple and red and green and orange and you're always a loser if you got the green one, you know like that. And you take them and you put them in the freezer and they freeze up and you have them during the summer and it's great and you run them through the sprinkler and play baseball and go, oh, we got an ice, right? Okay. When I was growing up, when we went to the store for the marathon shopping sessions, you know, because you couldn't just go and get a few things, you had to go for four hours. So Flavo Ice was always there. Mom, can we get Flavo ice? No. Well, why not? It's too expensive. Okay. So now, I'm in the store in the year 2000. Year 2000. And the Flavor Lices were 99 cents for a box of like 8,000. Right? You know, because there's not like four in a box. There's like 200 or whatever. You know the box. It's a box! It's like a UPS box of Flavor Ice, right? So I'm like, I see it and I have like this breakthrough in the store. I'm with the woman I'm dating at the time who probably should have ran right then. and I pick up this box and I went I'M BUYING THIS and she looked at me and she said what's wrong with you I said I'm buying this so I had to tell her because it was too expensive because for some reason in the year 2000 it was 99 cents for a big box but for some region in like 76 it was like $40 you know for a box of Flavo ice right so that like that's a resentment man like I had a resentment against Flavo ices like that's an insane alcoholic right there man so you flavorize and immediately get pissed right so like that is an experience right there this thing caused so much stress and strife in my life that I was like, in order to overcome it God bless you, I needed to buy this to be free of it because it affected everything all those parts of self that we are going to talk about it affected my pride how I wanted the world to see me because if I didn't have flavor license the other kids in the neighborhood would say that they were the kid that I was a loser because I didn't have flavor license and they did it affected my self-esteem right because I don't have flavor license why didn't I have flavor license poor me right it affected my ambition to be popular to be liked to be hey let's go to Tim's house he's got flavor license it was better if I go to Tim's houses like oh we gotta go to their house to get flavor license right okay my security my emotional security hey you know because I want everybody listen if you don't want to be like your full crap okay nobody walks around thinking I just want the world to hate me well maybe some people do they usually lock them up right you know so it just becomes this thing of like I want I want the worlds to like so that's my emotional security right and then my personal relations you know it didn't affect my sexual relations until much later in life but it sure did though, didn't it? Because here I was at 30 years old with this woman standing in a supermarket yelling about flavor lices. Right? Because she must have thought, oh my god, he's got issues, right? It's so funny how you have volumes, you know? Okay, so that's the and then it affected my pocketbook obviously. Because that's what it's connected to. It's connected for money. I couldn't have that because I didn't have money, okay? And at that point, I had money. I could have bought the whole stack of flame of ices, right? If I really wanted to be late, I'll show you. Okay, so that's a resentment right there. That's a resettlement. What it affects, and there it is. So now we'll get to my part in that much later. So now you have something that you could, like, you know, bubble in your head about one of those things in your life that you may or may not have still. so then we could go on from there so now it says on our grudge list because that's definitely a grudge right on our hold on on our grudge list we set opposite each name out injuries was it our self-esteem our security our ambitions our personal or sex relations which had been interfered with we were usually as definite as this example now I remember this when I got sober you know when they talked about the boogeyman did you do horse death yet no I'm not ready and I remembered it is. I remember the fourth step because it looks different than every other step. This chart makes you, oh yeah, yeah, I remember that. So I have to go back to this. So it says this. I'm resentful at Mr. Brown, the cause. His attention to my wife told my wife of my mistress. Brown may get my job at the office. It affects my sex relations, self-esteem, fear. Sex relations, self-esteem, fear, security. Self-esteem fear. Mrs. Jones, she's a nut. I should meet a friend of mine. We're going to Make sure that she's not Mrs. Jones on the back. She snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend. She's a gossip. It affects my personal relationship, self-esteem and fear. My employer, unreasonable, unjust, overbearing, threatens to fire me for drinking and panning my expense account. It affects myself, my self-esteem, my fear, my security. My wife misunderstands and begs. Likes brown. Wants house put in her name. Affects my pride, personal, sex relations, security, and fear. Okay? So he says we went back through our lives. We went back though our lives, so I just gave you one from like six. Okay? So we don't stop at high school, we don' t stop at middle school, because generally that's most of where our crap comes from anyway, right? We don't stopped, as far back as we can remember, we go back through out lives, through our lives. And then here's some instructions about it. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. So if you're as thorough as you can possibly be while you're doing your four-step at any particular point in your recovery, and you're as honest as you can possibly being, it counts! Well, I only have six things. Well, were you thorough and honest? As much as I could be, if you've been honest about that answer, because most of the time, six? I don't know, like, six resentments I could do that in like a minute, you know, or like 30 seconds, really. So when we were finished, we considered it carefully. What's that word? Considered. Are we thinking again? Oh, yes, we're thinking again. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. the usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we restored ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victory, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. Right? So, when we do this, it's important to go through the entire process. Generally, my experience has been in AA when somebody is like, you know, the happy people that you normally see at meetings and they're usually like, hey, how you doing? Or the woman who's like, oh, how can everybody? Hi, how are you? And then all of a sudden they're just fancy. Right? You're like, Oh, you're doing your first step, aren't you? How'd you know? Because I get that way. You know? Because it's fact-facing and it's act-finding and we don't like the facts. We want to hide behind the feelings. Well, I don't know how I feel about that. Well, nobody asked you how you feel about it. We want to know what the facts are. Okay? So it is plain, it is plane that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. Just look around. Look around. It doesn't even have to be an AA. You know people who are... You just say, hey, what's up? they still came they didn't say thank you when I held the door it's pretty you know like yeah oh they're here huh futility you know like it's just useless you just keep going around you know it's like being a hamster on the wheel man I'm running I'm ready where are you going I don't know but I'm on my way and they're like it's futile to the precise extent that we permit these you know, resentments do we squander the hours that might be worthwhile look at that, time is important but with the alcoholic, that's us whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience our hope lies in that without that we have no hope this business of resentment is infinitely grave. Infinitely! Which means it will go on forever and grave means it's going to put you in one. That's it. Just, okay, hold on to that as long as you want man. It's killing you. Remember because it says resentment is the number one offender of self and self kills us. Alright. We found that it was fatal. That it is fatal. Excuse me. It is fatal for when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit the insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again and with us, to drink is to die those are plain words it's pretty much an order of things if you don't do this, this is what's going to happen next and this is going to happened next if you dont want those things to happen you need to, you must in order for it to have permanent effect you need to do this and this and it's strenuous strenulous it's not easy we're not skipping through it it's going to suck and it is going to be painful that's what strenous means in plain terms ok so now we turn back to the list for it held the key to the future that's pretty cool remember when we were talking about the arch that he has been describing the whole time that we are going to pass through triumphantly and free, okay? Well, that's our future. So we're locked behind that arch that we built with the foundation and our cornerstones and our keystones set in place, locked. So if we don't have a list, if we do not have a list, we don' t have a key. And we'll be locked and stuck in our past and we're going to die because it's deep resentment and it leads to futility and unhappiness and it's fatal. So if we dont do that list, you don't have a key. We're stuck, right? We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. Which means that it's not Look what they did to me! Okay, well how about we take a look at it some over here. What do you mean? They did to you! They did! It's like okay, we began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. Yeah, see I told you! Right? In that state, the wrong doing of others, fancied or real, because we usually make that crap up, had the power to actually kill. You know why they didn't say thank you when I held the door? Because they were like, my shirt, and because I'm white, or because I'm black. What the hell are you talking about? Maybe they were thinking about their kid who's sick. Well, I didn't think about it that way. No, because it's all about you. And you held the door. You held the drawer. You know? we saw that these resentments must be mastered but how? we cannot wish them away any more than alcohol right? have you ever sat around doing that? nobody sits around and tries to wish away a resentment my god my god you know, holding the head all that stuff, right? this was our course colon we realized that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick no they weren't, they were just jerks though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves were sick too they were sick too oh look, here's a prayer here's some instruction Right? We ask God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Cheerfully. Sounds like willingness, huh? A cheerful choice. Listen, I know you're going through chemotherapy right now and you're throwing up and losing your hand, getting all weak, and is there something I can do for you? Look at you! You're drunk again! Why don't you get up? what's the difference right just our perspective really that's the difference because we're not asking God we're relying upon ourselves on how their behavior affects me well how about how my behavior affects them that may be the difference in their life that when everybody else was yelling at them I said you know it's okay I've been there you can get through it I got through it Do I look like I'm with where you are? No. Well, I was. Let me tell you some stories. That was you? Yeah. How'd you do it? God. Oh, no, no. It doesn't work for me. Well, maybe. Let's give it a shot. Couldn't be worse than what you're going through now, right? So, here we are. So, now here's a little prayer. When a person offended, we said to ourselves, this is a sick man how can I be helpful to him God save me from being angry thy will be done not about anybody else I'm going to mention an outside issue right now you know like every time I read this I always think of the honeymooners because the honeymooner to me was written like Ralph Crandon was a drunk he was a drug he was self-willed run right even though they never put it out there except for the fuzzy face episode like every scheme he always had a scheme because he was the actor who don't you know if only my things would stay put everybody would be happy so I always remember the episode when he talks about his little rhyming thing that he has to say when he gets angry he's like why am I angry and then I think about why I'm angry and it counts to ten and throughout the entire episode he's just like talking through his teeth you know why am I angry you know and it literally ends up with get out so I always think about that because that's oh god save me from being angry because it doesn't say me save me from being hungry because I can't because I like being angry angry is comfortable I like how that makes me feel. It gives me a false sense of power. It keeps people away from me. It keeps People from hurting me. It keeps PEOPLE from affecting my pride, and my self-esteem, and my emotional security, and certainly my pocketbook, and my relations, and my sex relations. It keeps them all away. Because if I'm angry and I'm putting that out there, you're not going to come near me. And then I can't get hurt. But then I also can't be loved. And I can' t be free. I can't be free. I'm trapped. The world's going to dominate me. These sick people are going to continue to wrong me. I'm going to stay sore and burned up, man. So I need God to remove that. Because I made that agreement. Thy will be done. Take away my difficulties so I may bear witness to those that would help of your power, your love, your way of life. Because mine keeps me in this little troll under the bridge, you know? instead of the person that people want to be around. You know, like when people, you know, it used to be, I love telling stories about what it was like and what it's like now. What happened and what its like now? I do this all the time. Like, what it looked like was people said to me, Hey, Tim, when are you leaving? Are you going home soon? Right? And now it's, like, oh, you're leaving? When are you coming back? Oh, my God, good to see you. Oh, it's great to see your family. Good to see him. What? I didn't do that. I didn't do that God did that right because I was a colon you know what I mean well remembered so this is you know I need to do these things I need to do these things bless you because it keeps me safe and free and I want to be free I don't I don' t want to die I don''t want to die I don ''t want to die right I don?'t want to die ok so here's the story when I was in California I was the manager of a sober club, you know. That people don't get sober, right? Bless you. And the manager previous to me, I mean just previous to him, relapsed. Okay, so of course it was my fault, it was the other manager's fault, it was The Club's fault. It's all these people, all the drunks, and all this. Right? So he comes in the office and he's spewing because don't you know we did to him and all that, right. So he's sitting there and he sits on the ramp and I'm just sitting there behind the desk. Now, this other poor guy, the other manager, he's sober like six months at that point. So he's scared. I happened to be sober like 12 years at the time. So I had a program. I had page 67 in my life. So he is going and going and I can tell he is obviously sick. He is obviously sick. And I'll kill you and I'll killed you and I'll kill everyone. And when he was done and he took a breath, I looked straight at him and I said, what can I do to help you? And it was like I just hugged him or hit him with a pillow or something, because he was just so confused by the question. I said what can I do for you? What can I say to help you really? What can I do? He's like, no, just stay away from me. And out he went. Away he went, right? And the other guy was like, how did you do that? I'm like, how did I do what? He was just telling us that he was going to kill you and me, and you said, how can I help you? I said, that's really simple. He's sick. I asked God to save me from being angry, and he did. And he asked me, and God told me, how Can I Help You? I said really? All that happened? I said yeah, all that happened. You were here, you watched it. You think I'm that brilliant? I'm not there because I wouldn't hit him with a chair. Right? So then I'll kill you. Really? I mean this is New York isn't it like I'm the only person that has that attitude no right because that's my that's not that's in my comfort zone I'm comfortable there right but the fact of that is that leads to futility and unhappiness and it will kill me because I may hit the wrong guy with a chair and he may not move you ever do that hit somebody and they're still just standing there phew that's scary cause then you're like oh I just pissed them off And you better be faster than him at that point, right? Right? So God does those things to me. God gives me that. I don't do that. God gives my that, right. Oh, look at this next paragraph. It says we avoid retaliation or argument. So, look it up. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. Well, why not? If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. we cannot be helpful to all people but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one now I just showed you a story of how that happened, believe me I'm no saint and that doesn't happen all the time but when it does, I can share that with you, I could share this works, because that's what that was, that was this working in my life hey look at this, referring to our list again again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we resolutely looked at our own mistakes. I didn't make any mistakes! And here's what we look for. Where have we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Okay, we call that the fourth column on the papers I gave you. You'll see it, it's there. Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, We try to disregard the other person involved entirely. God, boy, that's difficult, right? Where were we to blame? That's the key. Because it says, The inventory with ours, not the other man's. Because we're taking other people's inventory isn't going to set us free. It's just going to make us angrier. And then we look at them as futility and resentment. Drink, die. Okay. When we saw our faults, we lifted them. Oh, look at that, a harms list. We write them down, right? We place them before us in black and white. Okay, and if you don't like black pen, use blue or red, or if you're a smartass and you want to argue that, you've got to put them on paper. We admitted our wrongs honestly, and we're willing to set the matter straight. Never to her. I'm not, no. It was her fault. No, she didn't, no! But what, no? None of us go through that, right? So now here we go. This is one of my favorite parts. Notice the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer and the wife. A lot of people. That's only four people. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. Now, I'm sure you've heard in meetings I have a healthy fear of alcohol. well I'm about to read that there's no such thing right it says it was an evil and corroding thread something that's evil and corroting can't be healthy just doesn't work by definition right it says the fabric of our existence was shot through with it wow imagine big big fabric right our life and through it all through it all these evil and corroing threads of fear right it set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve but did we did not we ourselves set the ball rolling what do you what no I didn't no I Didn't what do You mean right our initial reaction our initial reaction is fear right you didn't you do that yourself no what are you afraid of I'm not afraid of anything right you're insecure no I'm not Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. Oh, here's an instruction. We put them on paper. Even though we had no resentment in connection with them. Which is why that prompt sheet is great because there's a lot of them like a fear I don't resent that but I'm afraid of you know, there's all that kind of stuff. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance had failed us? Self-reiliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it couldn't fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way. We think so. For we are now on a different basis. We're on a difference basis. When we put resentments and harms and fear down on paper, we're on different bases. the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity? I'll kill you! How can I help you? that's matching calamity with serenity. Right? Because at first I was afraid. At first I had fear. And I ran through, I was like, why? Why do I have fear? Why am I afraid? Oh, oh, that's right. Okay, it's affecting my pride. Okay, alright, God, help me from being, save me from getting angry. I'm afraid of this guy. Okay, cool. And a calm came about me. And I was able to say, how can I help you? the power of God infinite God is much more powerful than a little me it's just it's amazing it's awesome it's miraculous those types of things it's incredible we never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator right don't I mean how many times we do that in meetings you know I'm sorry I want to talk about God I'm not sorry I'm never sorry about talking about God I will talk about God until you hate me. Really, because I will. Oh, who's that guy? You can't talk about God. That's right, and he's more powerful than you a little, right? Save me from being angry. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. Well, what's a verdict? It's a final judgment of the facts. We gathered the facts and here's the verdict. The verdict is faith means courage having God trusting God without reservation means courage means that you can face fear successfully and get to the other side of it. You never apologize for God Oh, excuse me I skipped a few which are very important it says all men of faith have courage all men of faith have courage they trust their God we never apologize for God which is really cool that he snuck that in there right he says allmen of faith have courage they trust their God and then he says we so now you're saying because that's me I trust my God how about you instead we let him demonstrate through us what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. Oh, look at this. Here's a promise. At once we commence to outgrow fear. Commence. Remember that word? Commence? End an old way of doing things? Beginning a new one? We outgrow fear when God's in there? Wow. God. God's awesome. I've got two minutes to talk about sex. Because you know what the answer is. The answer is what your wife told you again? No! Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, above all above everything about sex we try to be sensible on this question. Sensible. It's so easy to get way off track here we find human opinions running to extremes absurd extremes perhaps one set of voices cries that sex is a lust of our lower nature a base necessity of procreation then we have the voices who cry for sex, more sex who bewail the institution of marriage who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes they think we don't have enough of it or it isn't the right time they see its significance everywhere one school would allow a man no flavor for his fare the other would have us all in a straight pepper diet now here is alcoholic synonymous' opinion about sex we want to stay out of this controversy right we want to stay out of this controversy we do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct we all have sex problems we'd hardly be human if we didn't what can we do about them so he's going to give us some instructions about that so there, he says twice right there that's none of our business and he's gonna tell us why or tell us lie so we should save that for next week because it's important You know, and we'll finish up that fourth step And get into the fifth step So that right there If somebody is telling you About your sex relations Tell them, well frankly It's none of your business Unless it's the person that you're having sex with Because then it's really their business You know And go to God with it God So that's it for this week Thanks