Forgiveness, Surrender, and Acceptance Are All the Same Thing with a Different Name – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

A veteran AA member named Jerry, sober since January 1973, takes the stage for a workshop Q&A session following Sandy's earlier presentation at the Far Corners Spiritual Retreat. With dry humor and self-deprecating wit, Jerry fields written questions from the audience on topics ranging from sponsorship patterns to the nature of the soul. He describes himself as less spiritual than Sandy and warns the crowd he plans to use answers like "I don't know" and "who gives a damn" freely. Despite the jokes, he delivers deeply honest, experience-based responses grounded in decades of living the program.

Jerry addresses the common experience of sponsoring fewer newcomers as sobriety lengthens. Drawing on his own history as a prominent lawyer who had to protect his anonymity, he recalls identifying more with a six-month newcomer who had literature in every pocket than with comfortable old-timers. He suggests that longer-sober members naturally attract sponsees with problems closer to their own, and recommends jail committees and newcomer meetings for those who want to work with people just getting started.

Some of the most powerful moments come when Jerry discusses doubt, fear, and spiritual growth. He shares how old-timers told him to stop worrying about faith and just practice the steps, and how his mentor Bob White helped him face his deepest fear of losing his identity after death with a simple, liberating perspective. He talks honestly about his prayer life going stale, about waking up wondering if leukemia would return, and about the 2% of his past he may never fully reconcile.

Jerry closes with a remarkable amends story. For years he resented a senior law partner who left without asking Jerry to join him. It was only when he returned to a restaurant in Lubbock, Texas, and remembered a night of drunken embarrassment involving a go-go dancer and important clients, that he suddenly understood why the partner had left him behind. That moment of clarity led him back to make the amend he had been unwilling to make. The crowd laughs throughout, but the honesty underneath lands hard.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Jerry introduces himself, sober since 1973, jokes about not being as spiritual as Sandy and plans to use 'I don't know' liberally
• 2:30 Audience question on sponsoring fewer newcomers as sobriety lengthens; Jerry shares his experience as a lawyer protecting anonymity
• 7:00 Suggests jail committees and newcomer meetings for old-timers who want to work with newcomers
• 9:00 Question about why Higher Power gives us the ability to doubt; Jerry shares how old-timers told him to stop chasing faith and just practice the steps
• 13:00 Question on continuous spiritual growth; Jerry shares leukemia diagnosis and his mentor Bob White's liberating perspective on death
• 17:00 Discussion of spiritual awakeness as a percentage; Jerry describes drifting into material concerns and the self-centeredness alarm
• 20:00 Defines spirituality as the higher part of consciousness separate from the material, connected to the principles of the program
• 24:00 Addresses the 2% that never fully reconciles — son still surfaces painful pre-sobriety memories, reframes lingering regret as a useful nudge
• 28:00 Discussion of forgiveness, surrender, and acceptance as the same thing with different names; connects to Steps 4-7
• 31:00 Lubbock restaurant amends story — go-go dancer incident reveals why his law partner left him behind, leading to a long-delayed amend