Flew Medevac in Vietnam and a Fifth of Whiskey Was My Entire Debrief – Jim S.

About This Speaker Tape

Jim S. shares his story at a convention, tracing the progression of his alcoholism from his first drink at 14 through Vietnam, marriage, career success, and eventual surrender. He frames his entire drinking career around one idea from the Doctor's Opinion — he drank for the effect — and shows how that effect evolved from wanting to belong as a teenager, to fun in high school, to numbing the horrors of war as an Air Force medic flying Aerovac missions in Vietnam, to managing every feeling with alcohol until he could not shave or shower without a half pint of vodka.

His first attempt at AA in 1982 failed because he attended meetings but never worked the steps — he uses the chocolate cake analogy to illustrate reading a recipe without baking. He relapsed in Princeton, Indiana, ordering a shot of whiskey at a Holiday Inn bar and returning to a fifth a day within a week. His wife Kathy's Al-Anon recovery — stepping over him on the floor and walking around happy — terrified him back into the rooms, where he got sober October 20, 1984 and began doing the actual work with his sponsor Gary B.

Jim devotes significant time to the amends process, sharing how his sponsor taught him never to say sorry but instead to ask what harm he caused, listen without defense, and ask what it would take to make it right. His amends to his estranged brother over a damaged car revealed the deeper harm of contempt. His amends to a double-amputee soldier who died on his watch — written as a letter to a name from the Vietnam Wall — came full circle when he helped a drunk veteran find a bed and felt the warmth of caring again. Three visits to the Vietnam Memorial became a profound spiritual experience when schoolchildren carrying roses shattered his belief that nobody cared.

Now facing stage-three heart failure with an implanted defibrillator, Jim confronts a new layer of powerlessness — loss of work, loss of driving, loss of the identity he thought he had already surrendered. Yet his house has become a meeting place where men come to work the steps, and a sponsee named Sam calls daily to report he did not drink and eventually saved enough from clearing his amends to buy dentures. Jim closes by encouraging the audience to crack open the Big Book and follow the recipe.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and opening — Jim identifies himself as an alcoholic from Indianapolis, sobriety date October 20, 1984
• 4:00 First drink at 14 — cherry vodka in the back seat of a car, drinking for the effect of feeling connected
• 7:00 Vietnam — Air Force medic flying Aerovac, drinking a fifth of whiskey each night to forget what he saw and smelled
• 9:00 The double amputee who grabbed his leg screaming he would not make it — Jim kicked him off, came back later and found him dead
• 14:00 Wife Kathy joins Al-Anon and starts working the steps — dirty clothes stay on the floor, she steps over him smiling
• 18:00 First AA meeting in 1982 — Ben reads How It Works as 'our wives were unmanageable' and the room laughs
• 22:00 Relapse in Princeton, Indiana — orders a shot to improve the band, back to over a fifth a day within a week
• 28:00 The chocolate cake analogy — sponsor asks him to read the recipe three times then cut a piece of cake
• 35:00 Amends to his brother at a Steak 'n Shake — discovers the real harm was contempt, not the dented Grand Prix
• 42:00 Three visits to the Vietnam Wall — schoolchildren with roses shatter his belief that nobody cares
• 50:00 Heart failure diagnosis, implanted defibrillator, new understanding of powerlessness — house becomes a step-work meeting place