Fellowship Without the Steps Is Just a Social Club – Chris R.

My name is Chris R.. I'm a very grateful, recovered alcoholic. How many of y'all were here last night? Raise your hand. Most of you. There's still some of you that weren't and they'll be straggling in all day, I'm sure. And I want to give you a little, for those of you who are brand new this morning, kind of a little overview of what we did last night and kind of which way we're heading. We've got like four sessions to do today and they're going to be about 75-minute sessions so you guys, you smokers, can synchronize your watches. And I used to be one, so I'm watching the clock way closer than you're watching the clock. So I'm with you. It's just so cool. We won't go over and try not to get long-winded, that's for sure. And guys, I've got to tell you, in some of these places, if you need to go to them other little rooms over there, you just get up and go. Don't sit there and be uncomfortable. It's okay. Especially if Larry's talking. Just get up walk out. Guy used to worry me to death when people would do that. Why did they leave? Because they had to go to the bathroom. I mean, it's just selfish and self-centeredness that we think is the root of the problem. So I don't know. It's it is so cool to be here, guys. I Larry and I get to do this a bunch. And it's it's always such an honor to get in a room with you guys and little big thumpers and brand new little buckaroos alike it's just it's so so cool uh we uh one of the things i said last night i want to reiterate we didn't come here to tell you all how to work the steps i mean i you know if you what you're doing is working and then how cool is that we we it's my goal always uh i had i came from a sponsorship lineage that was pretty clear about the need to go to to stay spiritually connected and to continue to try to grow i'm not one of those cats that thinks that you can live off spiritual experience you had 26 years ago. And I know I'm talking to a room that understands that. That's where I truly understand this day-at-a-time stuff. I have to have my daily bread. I need to stay spiritually connected on a regular basis and not just one big experience and that's it. That is why we see so many people relapse with long-term sobriety. They get complacent, they sit on their butts, they stop doing the things they were doing when they got here. And guess what? The illness affects us all, folks, that the symptoms of alcoholism are the same for everybody in here. Women, men, I mean, I don't care where you come from, how much money, how much trauma you've had. The disease is the same and the solution's the same. And we've spent years in treatment trying to kind of skew that little message. You know, you're an alcoholic because of this or that or the other. That's not true. You're an alcoholic because you're predisposed to that addiction. It's just that simple. There's a genetic predisposition. I could talk to you about it for hours. Both Larry and I have email addresses before I forget. Any of the stuff that we talk about, if you want the written literature that backs this up, articles, some of the cool archival stuff, the history stuff that we've got, we can send it to you in a click, in a heartbeat. If you're interested, just email us and we'll send that stuff. Yeah, we've got our contact cards on the front of the table here yeah yeah and and snag it if you want to uh my our whole goal here today is to try to show you how to get through the work at a pretty good clip both of our goals is is to one of the biggest mistakes we've made in alcoholics anonymous my opinion is that we have gone too slow with alcoholics early history shows us they all work the steps in less than 30 days and yet we've got people sitting in here i guarantee you that have had months and months and years and years and still sitting on four steps. I'm sorry. You're heading for trouble. I've been around this thing long enough. I've watched it. I can only share my experience with you. I spent seven years sitting in Alcoholics Anonymous picking up desire chips. Not 30-day chips. Desire chips. And it wasn't because I didn't want to stay sober. I'm the alcoholic that Bill Wilson refers to, the real McCoy. I'm a real alcoholic. I do great. I can stop on a dime Given sufficient reason, I can just quit for two weeks. I've done it a thousand times. And at the end of that two weeks, I start coming unglued at the seams. I start getting irritable, restless and discontent. And the depression comes back and I start rationalizing why it was okay for me to have one drink or eat a stupid pill or smoke some pot. And pretty soon, I'm loaded again. And everybody wants to look at why did you do that? That's the progression of the illness. That's what all of us do. You've got to stop looking at something external that's going to cause you to drink. If you're on rock-solid ground spiritually, nothing, nothing could get you loaded. And I'm sure there's some of you that disagree. But our experience abundantly confirms that. And a lot of Bill Wilson's writings really will confirm that. I want to show you kind of where we come from here. I'm not going to take time to write this stuff down. Larry had a copy of this. These are chip sales. information out of Dallas, Texas. I've monitored these since 1995. I also have the Houston Intergroup chip sales. The folks at Intergroup out there are good enough. They send them to us every year and they want us to see this business. In Dallas, TX, this is certainly not scientific guys. This is just an indicator of what we're talking about. In Dallas,TX, these are 2012 stats. They sold 14,763 Desire chips. it's a lot of a lot of aluminum y'all follow this that's a lot of people screwed up their courage and came in and said I want to stay sober and they gave them a little chip one month chips 3,897 y'alls see a slight drop holy shit what happened in 30 days we lost that many people one year chips 1,241 you can do the math I had to get Patty to do it for me. That's a little better than 8%. When the big book was in its second printing in 1955, we had the forge to the second edition. You can see it. We had a success rate of 75%. A couple of cats coming in, 50% got sober right off the bat. A few of them had troubles, but by the time all the dust settled, they got back on track and we had a 75% success rate. Guys, I've checked with the archive stuff in New York. I've talked to a lot of the old times. They all agree with that. A lot of people were staying sober. But we weren't clerking them. In other words, when you would come in, we would grab hold of you. We would make sure you understand. We've gotten away from... We've got so focused on the idea of let's see if you can... If the fellowship fits you, you know? And it's like there's nothing wrong with a fellowship. AA works just as well today as it did back then. The problem is that we don't help you guys understand that the fellowship's not what needs to change. We don't have to water this message down so it's easier for you to swallow. If you're the real alcoholic like we are, most of us in this room I think, and you want spiritual growth, you want to get spiritually connected, you're tired of that old life, we have a way out. I love those readings that we read. Did y'all notice, catch a sense of the rigidity of those two readings that we read? I mean, it's pretty easy. Hey, you wanna do this? Come on. If you don't, eh, to heck with you. You know, it was like, we're not chasing you. Nobody's forcing anybody to do anything. If you've got another way to do this, go do it. Here's the deal, and I'm going to flip this over to my buddy Larry. I commented last night about a letter that Bill Wilson wrote in 1942. I had a few little stickers up here. Our chief responsibility to the newcomer is an adequate presentation of the program. And I know I make a lot of people crazy when I talk about this, but I'm seven years in the program, and I don't have an adequate presentation of the program. I know every stupid one-liner there is. Keep coming back. Think, think, think. One day at a time. Mm-hmm, I got you. But I don'T have a clue what it is to be an alcoholic. I don' t understand the physical craving and the mental obsession. I don''t. Okay, whose fault is that? I' ll take responsibility. But, you know, the newcomer doesn' t know what to ask. Sooner or later, somebody had to grab me by the neck and say, Buddy, why don't you sit your little skinny butt down in this chair and let's try to figure out why you keep relapsing over and over and over. Because I've got to tell you guys, when I told my first wife that I wanted to get sober in 1980, I meant it. And so did you. Everybody in this room, when you told somebody, I didn't have the power to manage the decision to stay stopped. And if you think you can stop because you want to or need to, you don't understand what alcoholism is. And we covered it last night, and I've got to tell you, if you're here and you're still questioning that, man, come see me at the break, and I'll qualify you just like them old-timers did me, and we can sit down and visit with you. But that's where we're going with this. We're going to try to get you through the work here and kind of show you what this looks like with a newcomer so that we can all become better sponsors. We can be more effective sponsors. That's what we're looking for. And I'll say this and shut up. You're free to disagree or agree with anything we talk about. If you don't agree with it, that's fine. I'm not remotely interested in you coming up afterwards and telling me why you don'T agree with it because I'M NOT HERE TO ARGUE WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS ROOM THAT LOVES ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS MORE THAN ME. I'M not up here trying to stir up anything, but I'M TRYING TO SAY WE'RE NOT DOING IT EIGHT PERCENT SUCCESS RATE IN THE UNITED STATES. WE'RE Not DOING THE JOB THAT WE USED TO DO BECAUSE WE'VE PUSHED THE IMPORTANCE TO GO INTO MEETINGS INSTEAD OF GETTING SPIRITUALLY CONNECTED. And that's where we're coming from. We're going to have a good time today, guys. I'm going to turn this over to my buddy Larry. We're gonna start talking about some two and three stuff. My name is Larry Scott, and I am an alcoholic. Larry. And I'm free this morning. Something Chris doesn't know, because we don't get together that often. We live on the opposite ends of the country. I've learned a trick to sit with you guys on these long deals like this. I'm wearing a catheter. I have a little bag in my boot. Well, it beats the damn puddle I used to have to sit in, you know? What we're doing is we're going back over and just kind of recapping a couple of things we talked about last night to dovetail on what Chris was talking about. We have a mutual friend up in New York named Barefoot Bill Lesh and Bill does a lot of incredible work for us. He's an absolute Nazi when it comes to this stuff. And he sent me an article some time back. It's called The Phenomenon of Craving, and it helped me to better understand what happens to me when I drink. It describes the allergy, and if you'll just bear with me a moment, I'm going to read it to you. And again, if you want any of this stuff, shoot us an email, and we'll get it out to you." Alcoholics make up about 12% of the population. The body of the alcoholic is physically different. The liver and the pancreas of the alcohol process alcohol at one-third to one-tenth the rate of a normal pancrease in the liver. Now, as alcohol enters the body, it breaks down into various components, one of which is acetone. Acetone, that's what I wash paintbrushes in. We know that acetone triggers a craving for more acetone In a normal drinker, the acetone moves through the system quickly and exits, but that doesn't happen in the alcoholic. In alcoholics, the aceton of the first drink is barely processed out. So by staying in their body, it triggers a craving for more acetone. The alcoholic then has a second drink, now adding to most of the aceton of the 1st drink, and it makes them want to drink twice as much as the normal drinkers. So they have another. than having almost three times the craving as a normal drinker, they have another. You can see from that point how alcoholics have no control over how much they drink. The craving cycle has begun and they have no choice but to keep drinking. Once the acetone accumulates in their body and that begins to happen with only one drink, they will crave more. And how many times does an alcoholic think it'd be nice to have just one drink to relax, but have so many more? Now you see why, and this can never change. It always gets worse. I need that explained to me, because I go back to what I said last night. I'm not a moral reject. I'm really a pretty good guy. I've got a successful business, and I know how to coexist out here in society today. Because I don't get these old ideas or think I've got a good idea. Chris alluded to, you know, these people come in and they pick up a desired chip and we don't see them for that 30-day medallion. Bad thing happens to an alcoholic when he doesn't drink for a minute. He gets to feeling better. Gets them old ideas back, see? and when dr silkworth gave us the two letters that he gave us he said um in this statement he confirms what we have suffered we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind and again i i'm i like to study this stuff because this is what gave me a brand new life And I want to know what they're talking about. So, I started digging and I started tracing alcoholism as far back as I could find it. And there's another old book. It's called the Holy Bible. And over in Proverbs, and you want to write this down because you're going to come up and ask me. It's Proverbs 23 verses 29 through 35. This chapter was written by a cat named Solomon. And Solomon wrote a lot about alcohol, man. And I don't know if he was a drunk, but boy, he knew a lot about it. He says, who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Sounds like some of the little guys I sponsor. Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine. Those who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at it when it's red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly. in the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper your eyes will see strange sights and your mind will imagine confusing things as we get to travel around we usually do these things in the belly of a church and i'll go to the church and grab the bible that they use there and and see what this says because they're all different and my favorite one i found was the Billy Graham Crusade edition. And it says, your eyes will behold strange women. Still do. Look around. You'll be like the one sleeping on the high seas on top of the rigging. They hit me, you will say, but I don't feel it. They beat me, but I'm not hurt. When will I wake up so I can find another drink? So alcoholism isn't something that just came along here with the Hughes Act. It's been killing people since, you know, a man learned he could make something alcoholic out of berries or some kind of grain. It's just luckily for us in this era, we found a solution to it. And it's the only solution that we found. So we know what our problem is. Then little Ebby goes over and he tells Bill, he says, you know, Bill, you don't have to drink and die. I've got a way out for you. I've Got Some Buddies over here at the mission and they told me that if you could just hook up with a power greater than yourself and as I said last night Bill threw Ebby out of his house three times. He didn't want to hear anything about that God stuff. His granddaddy taught him early on you can't trust them hypocritical church people. Jesus was a great man, he told him. Those cats that follow him They can't be trusted. So what happened is you couldn't argue with Bill because he was an intellect. And finally, Ebi got wore out. Bill wore him down and he told him, he said, Bill, why don't you choose your own conception of God? And I would imagine old Bill Wilson said, really? You can do that? You know, because over dinner last night I was telling Chris, my mother at the time of her death, she died right up the road here in Gainesville. She was upset that she was going to cross over and I wasn't going to have that Baptist God she was trying to give me. But once I explained to her my belief, and this was before I got sober, my mother went, she went to her reward completely satisfied that her son was okay with the Creator. and when we do the book study on the road I usually have this PowerPoint thing and I'm going to draw you a little picture and here's what I would when I'm working with my guys and we hit this step two the step says we came to believe that there was a power greater than ourselves and I stop right there and I'll say do you believe that you're the most powerful thing here? try that sometime very rarely are you going to get a knee jerk no I don't believe that they'll think about it well I may be and then once I establish in this conversation that they have a belief system I'll say do you believe that this power is sufficient to restore you to sanity And I love these little yahoos that go, but I ain't crazy. I go, really? Let's talk about that. So this is Larry's mind and it's a scary place, but just walk with me for a moment. Ebi says, Bill, there's your God. That's him, Bill. Bill says, what are you talking about? He says, well, that's your god. He's a stick man. You just dress him up any way you want to, Bill He said, really? He said oh yeah. He says, you want to put a robe on him? Put a dress on him. Put a chain around his neck with a cross. Long hair. Beard. Sandals. And have him walk around the earth like that. Have at it, Bill. It's your God. He says. Maybe you wantto shave his head. And put him in a lotus position. and have him do that little meditating thing. Give him a beer gut. He says, you're God, Bill. Have at it. He can be anything that you want him to be as long as it's sufficient to you. And there are many times that I'll be... Because when I work the steps, I've got my guys in my car and I'm driving. And I'm drawing these pictures on the back of a napkin or something. But it makes sense. you don't have to take my God you don' t have to have Chris' God you know I don't need Dan's whatever makes sense to you the book says however insufficient you think it is, it's enough to make the approach and I've talked to people that came from Homosassa and came from Sarasota and all different places at St. Pete y'all came from different places but I don' think you took the same highway we all took different approaches to land here make sense so however insufficient that is it makes sense to you and I get I have so much fun with these guys I'm going to share a little story with you that happened I'm riding around with this little guy he'd come into the treatment center for the eighth time He was 22 years old, and he was dying. He was a garbage can. He liked to do, I mean, his favorite thing is what have you got, you know? And I started taking the steps with him, and we were riding around one day. It was a big ice storm in Atlanta. It was like 15 degrees on a Thursday. Thank you, ma'am. And, I meantime, it had been a major ice storm. And he and I were riding round, and step one was a given. I mean, six treatment centers. This guy's butt was kicked. He had burned everything in his life down to the ground. And we're riding along, and before I got in the car, I prayed. I said, God, I'm going to need your help with this guy because I don't know what I'm bringing to the table that's going to be different than anybody else that's approached this cat. And so we're sitting at a red light coming out of an office park, and there's this big ornamental stone wall there, and there'S snow on the ground and ice. and at the foot of that ornamental wall was a bunch of pansies. And you could see them shining through that ice in brilliant colors. And we're talking about... I said, tell me about your spiritual belief in that. He said, well, Mama's been trying to shove the Bible up my butt as long as I can remember. He says, it don't fit. I said okay. And then I looked past him and I said oh Hunter look at those pansies over there. Aren't they beautiful? We're sitting at a red light. He looked at the pansies. They're under about that much ice and snow. He looked back at me. I said, aren't they beautiful? He said, they are. I said Hunter, I've got the greatest idea. Why don't you get out of the car and take all your clothes off and just throw them in the back seat. Get butt naked and go over there and sit down in that flower bed and lean up against that wall with them pansies? I said it's four o'clock. I'll come back tomorrow about this time and pick you up. he looked at them pansies in that eyes and he looked at me and said but I'll freeze to death I said really those pansies seem to be doing fabulously and he grinned he says I had to bring it down to a level because he's trying to see a guy with a beard in the sky and it had to get down to something that was manageable for him so we took off and I said now there's a problem with them pansries If we ask them to drive us back to the house, that ain't going to go very well. And I said, I don't know that those pansies can restore you to sanity, but what we needed to do was crack open that safe that he had this contempt and prejudice locked up in to a point where he could let a new idea in. So we left there and we drove straight to my brother-in-law's business there and we went over to my mother's business and went into a room that nobody was in and we got on our knees and we knocked out step three. and we're going to be hitting this all day long today. And we went in there and we got on our knees and I explained that third step prayer. I took it out of King James language and I broke it down just like I'm talking to you and told them what the prayer said. We took that step. We came out to my car and I gave him a packet. It was a four-step diagram and I said, this is the way this is done. He said, okay. When do you want me to have that done? And I said tomorrow. what's funny about that hell it's a 20 minute exercise he said ok cause see he wasn't desperate this man was hopeless I just said get down on your knees and crawl on your tongue and he just said ok he was willing so at 10.30 that night he called me he says I got her done I said good I'll see you in the morning I picked him up we rode around three and a half hours five was done I showed him the disciplines of 6-7 and I said when you get that done you call me and we'll knock out your 8 step list my point is in 4 days this man was making 9 step amends was it because of what I did? no it's because what y'all have shown me is proof positive this man's not only still sober today he's got a great job in Memphis, Tennessee He's got a beautiful wife and a new baby because he's back in the mainstream of life. He's not wringing his hand wondering whether he's going to have to do any more of that stuff in order to live because nobody had ever shown him that. Just don't drink and go to meetings is what he'd been grown up on, and it's just not sufficient. Step two, we agnostics. if you break down that word agnostic it's a it's a greek word i i've walked around for years telling you it was latin and it's not it's greek ah nas without god and i got corrected on that over in south carolina but we who are without god i don't have the knowledge and somebody needed to break it down elementally for me so that i could get that down and this is my experience guys when I get these little retreads they're just in and out those are the lucky ones that's the ones that come in and die out there when we're doing this qualification I'm finding out that they're glazing through the second step because see, there's some power in a surrender over in that first step and that decision in 3 is a cool deal but where's the power you know in that original manuscript it says if you're not convinced on these vital points you ought to re-read the book to this point or throw it away what point all you've covered at that stage are the first two steps you can't give lip service to something that you're not hooked up with if you are dragging your feet on a second step power The book says lack of power is our dilemma. Where am I going to get that power? It ain't coming from pansies. It ain'T coming from a damn doorknob. I've got to have something I can sink my teeth into. I've Got to have a relationship with this, because see, I'm about to make a decision to hook up with this power and walk through, not next week or today, for the rest of my life. Dr. Bob said, for good and all. So, step two. There's a couple of ways you can look at it. If you're new in here, you're the guy I'm talking to, the gal I'm taking care of. Step two can be just what if. Step two can be just a strong suspicion. You know, Christopher Columbus, he had a strong suspicion that the rest of the planet was wrong. everybody thought this world was flat and if you sailed out so far you'd fall off the edge and dragons would eat you he didn't believe that he had a different concept and he might have been an alcoholic well he got a woman to finance a trip you know what I'm saying well he did Ferdinand told him to get the hell out of his office and he went over to Isabel and she gave him three ships some men, some supplies and the other reason he might have been an alcoholic was because when he left, he didn't know where he was going. And he told Isabel, he says, you know, I believe I can sail west to get east. And she scratched her head. And when he lived, he had this strong suspicion that this deal was round, but he wasn't sold on it. Nobody had ever done it. So he hired a special sailor for that maiden voyage. And he had that special sailer on that lead boat with a lantern. and he says, you keep your rear end up here. And he says you keep an eye out because if we come up on the edge of this thing you go to hooping and hollering and we'll turn these boats around. Well, he was safely tucked away on that third boat back in the back. But he had a strong suspicion. We believe he might have been an alcoholic because when he got to where he was going he didn't know where he Was at. And when he Got back he didn' t know where He'd been. but you see he left on a strong suspicion what if what if he went on a second voyage and when he went on that second voyage he was perched on the lead boat when he left he knew where he was going because he went on complete faith when he got there he knew where he was and we got back he knew where he'd been and there was no special sailor on this boat because the contempt and the prejudice, the fear was gone we've had men like this all of our lives Dr. Silkworth was one of those great little brave pioneers that paved the way for us for a brand new life back in 1903 there were a couple of bicycle mechanics out of Ohio Wilbur Norville Bicycle mechanics. And they had a strong suspicion that maybe, now there were some aeronautical engineers, Langley and them, they had dropped some craft into the Potomac River, remember that? Well these two bicycle mechanics, they came up with the conclusion that they could make a heavier than air craft with a man in it and make it fly. man was so fettered with the superstition and uh and the and the in the beliefs of that era that there was a reporter over at the charlotte observer went to his editor or to the publisher and said these two bicycle mechanics gonna go out to kitty hawk day fly this airplane i'm gonna go out and cover it he says no hell you ain't he's because if you put that in this newspaper the people of this town will come and burn this building to the ground that stuff of witchcraft bicycle mechanics they went out to Kitty Hawk and they did it they figured they could string some sticks and some cloth and some strings together and they didn't they did wasn't long after that it's 1903 less than 60 years later man was walking on the moon because they went out on a childish hunch that what if so when we start talking about a strong suspicion of what if The thing that's on the line for us is our lives. You know, we've talked about it last night and today. We're quitting fools. We know how to quit. I just can't stay quick because I don't have that power. And it's when I drift away from that power is when I drink again. And in we agnostics, It promises time and time and time and again that this deal works. That it's a constant companion. Page 45 I know that I came from the Bible Belt man down in South Georgia and it wasn't unusual to walk into one of my relatives house and have some televangelist on the air. The book says we looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity with deep skepticism. And what we're talking about is when you turn on the news today, you see the explosions and the burnings over in Iraq and the Middle East. There are people over there right now dying in the name of God. It's been that way and it'll be that way as long as there's a Middle East. It's just the nature of our planet. And it goes on, it says we looked askance at many individuals who claimed to be godly. Small g. In our era, we're talking about the gems. Jimmy Baker, Jimmy Swagger, Jimmy Jones. You know? Send me a hundred bucks and you can go through the pearly gates. We looked askanse at those people. But we've always been seeking. The book at one point tells us that at birth we start this search for something more powerful than us. And lucky for us, on May the 12th of 1935, God opened up the gates of hell and let us out and gave us each other and gave uns a way. And that's why we hook up like this and do these weekends like this all over the world because we find a brand new approach because we're going to get into 11 later, but it says we seek to improve our conscious contact. You may have heard something here today or later today that might draw you closer because that's what I want. I can't get close enough. This thing just keeps exploding. That's why we keep doing these things. We get to meet you and you tell us your experiences, man. And I can put that in my little tool kit because that day is coming where I can reach in there and pull out that little Tampa, Florida screwdriver I picked up, see? but step two it's nothing more than a what if it's a strong suspicion and I'm such a knucklehead when I walked in I read them steps and you know it told me that I had to do this and I had to do that it's not what the steps on the wall say I just needed to be willing to believe that you believed because when I walked in here and my sick, broken mind, I wasn't worth saving. I've hurt too many of God's kids. I've broken all the laws of man and most of the laws of God. Why would He want anything to do with me? Amen. Can I get a witness? Can I gets a witness. You know, backing away from the God stuff, guys, is more about fear than it is tolerance. We can't do these workshops anywhere without somebody getting their hair catched on fire when we start talking about this business about God. The steps were written. Bill Wilson, I mean, he talks about spirituality, talks about God, you know, hundreds of times in the book and the 12 and 12. And He wants us to understand that the message that we're trying to carry is the 12 steps and the ensuant spiritual awakening that we are going to have. And so, if you start piecing that out, well, you don't need to worry about this God stuff. Yes, comma, you do. I mean, I have to assume are there people sitting in AA today that are not alcoholic? Yeah, I would think so. Do they need a spiritual experience in order to get sober? No. And they're doing fine. Meeting makers make it. Just go to meetings. I mean, we see it in our literature. We see it within our fellowship. I'm not taking truck. If it's working, that's great. I said it last night. My heart goes out to the real McCoy that wants to quit and can't quit. My heart going out to that guy that's tried to do this a thousand times or he's putting together a period of sobriety and he's just bone powder dry. he's miserable to the core i just i'm telling you guys i don't think it's it's okay to be sitting in our rooms of alcoholics anonymous and be miserable you can be unhappy at times because that's what life does to us sometimes we're going to go through circumstances but i mean on a day in day out basis just to be miserable that's not what this is about everybody thinks well you think this should be a big old pep rally yeah pretty much you know uh guys i was eating out of dumpsters in houston texas i mean i know what that other world looks like and today i mean I've got plenty of money and my health is good and I've gotta lot of cool stuff and I get to be a part of y'all's lives it's the best gig in town but people don't want to talk about it I was doing this one time and a lady came up after and she's obviously upset and she was real nervous because I said the words from the podium I'm gonna say them right now this is unapologetically about God it's not about religion I don't care who you believe to who you pray to this is an apologetically about god I didn't write the book she comes up and says, Well, if they had talked about God when I got here, I wouldn't have stayed. Hold that thought. She might not have. And I'm sorry. But how many people did we kill because we didn't talk about God? So the rest of us can just go down the toilet so you can be comfortable sitting in this room. I think Larry just did a marvelous job explaining this. We don't care what you pray to. We don' t care what your conception of God is, but find it. You can call it Mr. Magoo for all I care, but it better make sense to you and there better be some power attached to it. I've talked to dozens of you in here this morning and last night and I mean, a lot of y'all, we understand this thing called a spiritual experience. Between my fourth and fifth step, sitting on the tailgate of that truck, Look, it dawns on me, the obsession to use is lifted. And the depression's gone and I'm feeling stronger than I've ever felt in my entire life. This is not... Everybody wants to call it a pink cloud. Y'all follow? There's no such thing as a pink crowd. If you're using that term in here, shame on you. It's derogatory. How about God's grace? Because that's exactly what it is. It's God's race. Bill Wilson in his writings, real quick before I forget it, He was doing a tally at the five-year mark, Alcoholics Anonymous in the first five years. He said our fellowship had divided up in pretty much two camps, the New York guys and the Midwest around Cleveland and Ohio. And the New Yorke guys, he could count 54 people that were staying sober. In the Midwest, they could count 246. Bill Wilson's talking about going to meetings. He's using the psychological attitude towards this. Dr. Bob over in the Midwest? What's he doing? Man, let's get up there and any of you who have been to Dr. Bob's house and sat on the old bed where they used to kneel and do a third step prayer? I mean, if you can do it without crying, you're better than me. Like a girl, I cried. I mean that's exactly what this is about. If any of your guys get a chance, because I'll forget to mention it earlier, if you read the first story in the first edition, there's compilations of that all around. It was written by Hank Parkhurst. He was one of the first guys that got sober. It's called The Unbeliever. If you get a chance, Google it. If any of you guys have got anonymous press books, it's in there. But it was the first story in the back of the story section. And I've got to tell you guys, it is about an atheist. I don't need God. And by the end of the Story, he's giving it a shot. And that's another one if you can read it without crying. You guys in here, if you read that Story, make sure there's no girls around. Don't read it in a group because you'll have to get up real quick and go smoke. Don't do that. Just get by yourself, spend a few minutes and read it, and you'll understand what this is about. I just think we do the newcomer this horrible disservice when we take the importance off that spiritual experience. I'll say it again. This is not a self-help program. This is a spiritual program of action. Those are Bill Wilson's words, not mine. That's what this ist about. And to make a beginning, all you've got to do is believe that there might be something out there, just like Larry said, bigger than you. So I'm working with a guy and he sits down and I've explained the illness. I've given him a death sentence. You all follow? Physical craving, mental obsession. Yeah, that's me. Well, you realize that that's chronic in nature. It's progressive. That's going to kill you. It's never going to just go away. He says, I'm convinced of that. Okay, go to the second step. Are you willing to believe there's a power out there greater than you? Well, I just don't like this Jesus stuff. You know, I just, excuse me. I'm trying not to cuss from the podium. Excuse me. That's not what I ask you. You know? Are you willing to believe there's something out there bigger than you? Well, I'm just, you know, I don't want to go into church. I mean, I am just not. Good God. This has got nothing to do with church. It has got Nothing to do With Christ. It has Got Nothing to Do With Christianity. It Has Got Nothing To Do With Religion. I Ask You A Simple Question. Are You Willing To Believe there's something out there bigger than you? No. Alright, there you go. Rock on. You want a hamburger? Because the conversation is done. We're not here to jam this down anybody's throat. You arrogant little pissant. Did I say that? i feel much better i just i know see guys but here's the deal and and and i'm a you know i've worked in the clerical work treatment industry for 20 years and i and i see this all the time i i'm i'm not one to say that the only one thing is going to get you sober is aa man there's lots of other fellowships out there that don't talk about god save ourselves there's Lots of self-help programs out there that's why they wrote the stupid living sober book did i say that from the podium too that's why they wrote the stupid Living Sober book was to help you understand in this in a self-help realm what that's about and that's Why the guys that I sponsor we don't read that until you're sober and had a spiritual experience and then you read it and then You make a coffee coaster out of it Because that's the only thing it's useful for. It's the third largest selling piece of literature in New York. It is? Big book, 12 and 12, Living Sober. That's why they won't stop publishing it. Anyway, don't get me started. I can send you all the archival stuff on that. I mean, this was a train wreck going in the door. But again, the mixed message is that we tell the newcomers, don't worry, the people in AA when I first came, don't talk about God so much. You might scare the newcomer off. I thought God was the solution to my problem. Well, yeah, well, it is, but don't speak to God. Don't talk to the newcomor. What? Guys, we've got to stop watering this message down. We've got start standing proud about this thing, guys, because we know this thing works. we're as open roomy as we can be we're not telling you what you got to believe or whatever but we're going to get down to brass tacks we're gonna tell you what that's about that third step prayer guys when we do that third set prayer and I don't stand up sit down fight I don'T care how you do it but we'RE gonna do a little version of that little third step prayer and it'S coming out of the book just talk specifically about it God remove my difficulties so victory over those difficulties can bear witness to those I would help y'all get that man the coolest part of this is that he didn't say just my alcoholism is going to be removed. My difficulties are going to being removed. I mean, I'm hesitant to say this from the podium. People get crazy around this nonsense. But guys, do you think you're going to make more money in sobriety than you did out there drinking? It's not a trick question or absolutely. Come on, guys, your power 220 now you hooked into the power of the universe. You don't think that your your life is going to be better. I didn't say you're going to get rich, but I'm just saying the guys that I sponsor, the guys That I work with, they get to a place where they don't need anything else out there. They've got the things that they need and a hell of a lot of the things That they want. And that's just been my experience. Health is going To get better. We're still going to have some bad days. The third step prayer obligates us, obligates us to go back in meetings and bear witness to God's power. That's why I don't care what the meeting formats tell us, I will never go into a meeting and piss and moan about my day. You can. I'm not. We have too many of those meetings as far as I'm concerned. I was talking to a little brother earlier about this. My big soapbox out there in AA land today is that we need to go and we need a look at our formats because the formats are the things that keep us goofy. If you have a format that allows us to talk about our problems and piss and moan, you're with us? Then you're going to do that and you can't complain about that. Our formats that we use in my home groups both down on the coast and up in central Texas, we're not here as a dumping ground for your problems. Please feel free to come before or after the meeting if you just want to talk. We've got sponsors for that. But during the meeting, we're going bear witness to God's power. We're going talk about the good stuff. Sometime if y'all get a chance, I'm going to give a little caveat here because I might not get a chance to say it later. Go to your home groups and sit in the back sometime. Don't share for once. Just sit in there. Trust me, that meeting will survive if you don't share. Maybe not. But sit inthe back and close your eyes. I would suggest you do it two or three meetings. Just sitinthebackandcloseyoureyes. Listen to the format being read. Listen tothe conversation being talked about. And ask yourself the question, did I hear anything in this meeting that would lend credibility to what we're talking about? In other words, am I getting an adequate presentation of the program by listening to what's going on in this meeting? Because this is why the people out there in the world take so many shots at us. Y'all understand? AA becomes a joke in most places because of what people witness in our meetings. Is it any wonder that people joke with us and call us a cult? Y'al follow? The cult stuff is not about God. It's that we go in there and we chant and we use our last initial and we're secretive and oh my gosh, and our sponsor says we can't date anybody for the first year and when to go to the bathroom and ohmygosh. It's just ridiculous. Y'all follow? Listen to the meeting formats. Listen to what's being shared and see if you can glean as a newcomer sitting on the front row an adequate presentation of what the program is about. And if not, go to your group conscience and make that known to them so that we can start changing some of these formats. That make sense? If you get a chance, for some of you little students of all of this, read... In fact, y'all could do it in a group. It would be absolutely fun to do. Read a cross-section. Read the stories in the back of the first edition. Then read the stories in the background. Read the back end of the fourth edition. It's breathtaking. You'll follow? You don't even need to read the second and third edition, the in-between stories. Gradually what they did in the first edition, they started pulling the stories that talked about God out of there. And by the time you got to the fourth edition, what we've tried to do is give a cross section of different people's opinions and experiences. Instead of understanding what the first 100 did to stay sober, you'll follow up. Now we're trying to cater our program to every little... I got a problem with our pamphlet system out there. AA and the gay person. AA andthe young person. AA in women, AA in men, AA in people in jail. I want a pamphlet by God that says AA cooks the eight out of dumpsters. I don't know I want my own pamphet Y'all don't have a clue what that's like. Y'ALL UNDERSTAND COME ON IT'S THE SAME FOR ALL OF US THIS POWER. WE GOTTA STOP MAKING THIS SO COMPLICATED THAT WE CAN'T WE'RE SPLITTING HAIRS WITH THIS. DO I BELIEVE THAT WE NEED TO GO INTO meetings and talk about the Bible? No, I don't. Because we're going to be there and be respectful for other people and their other beliefs. I'm not there to jam my beliefs down your throat. But you're not going to get sober without some connection with a spiritual experience. If you're the real alcoholic like my variety, that's the obsession to use. Being removed. Y'all understand? Let me put one more thing and then we'll go. My job today is not to stay sober. My job today is to stay spiritually connected. I can't keep myself sober. That's why I get crazy when people talk about this as a self-help program. You can't keep me sober. Make sense? The fellowship together with you guys helping me stay on that path, that's exactly what we need to do. Spiritual connection is what I need. That's why prayer and meditation, we'll talk about later, is not an option for me. Working with others, it's not an action. It's just what we do. That' exactly what the big book tells us to do. And you can try it a different way if you want to. I'm not saying that... I'm just saying the adequate presentation of the program can't exclude God. It just... We've somehow got to take this back and get back on track with this thing. We're tiptoeing around newcomers, worried we're going to scare them off. We're so afraid that we won't even tell them how to get well. That's just not okay. Any more comments? I do. Come on. Let's cover that. We have about 15, 20 minutes. You know, he was talking about special sectors within our little secret club. He was talking to a buddy of ours out in California and he said he was talking to this guy and the guy said, I need a sponsor. He said, well, there's plenty of sponsors in this room. And he says, no, you don't understand. He says, I need a gay Jewish attorney that lives in the valley. And I get it, you know? You ever been to California? You know, just to kind of wrap up this step two thing, the book, no matter what edition you're in, if you start at the blank page, which is what I suggest, you've gone from the preface and the forwards all the way up to page 60. And on page 60, we've just got finished reading that document that's read in most meetings, the first part of chapter 5, how it works. And I take exception with that, but this is my own personal belief because the new guy, the new gal, they hear that so much it becomes so repetitive and it's like almost annoying and they go, really? We've seen a first impale? and they'll go, well, I got five minutes. I can go burn one, you know? And they don't hear it, but there's a lot of meat in there. But at the end of that, after the three pertinent ideas, the three permanent ideas, I said, do you know what that means to these new people? They say, oh yes, one, two, and three. No. It's the first two steps. And then the very next sentence, it says being convinced. We were at step three. Did you ever stop to ask yourself being convinced of what? did you first two steps in the original preamble that y'all read here today if you're not convinced on these vital steps reread the book to this point just throw the damn thing away being convinced that's why i started out today the second step man that that early qualifier please i beg you don't blow through those first two steps. There ain't no power in three. How the hell am I going to pray to something I don't believe in? You know, I've heard this crap about pray until you believe. No. Why? I got to tell you, if you think you're the most powerful thing in the universe, grab a confident sponsor and challenge that guy or gal. I think you'll hook up. but it says being convinced we were at step three and step three which is that we decided to turn our will in their lives over the care of god as we understood them do you ever think about what your will in your life is i'm sorry i'm a nerd when it comes to this stuff your will is your thoughts and wants and your life is your actions so if I'm making that decision and again I'm that knucklehead that looked at those steps on the wall what I read was you turn your will and your life over to the kids no it says I made a decision to about a year ago Dan called me and he called Chris and he said would you guys come to Tampa and hang out with us for the weekend and I made the decision after I talked to Chris that we would do this great decision but see we're getting up to the date and I had to do a couple of things had to call the pet sitter had to take out that luggage figure out what I was wearing for here and New Jersey and I had to do some things to back up that decision or else I'd still be sitting at home going you know I made a decision to go but I hadn't taken it I had to get in the car, go to the airport. Had to get on a plane, one of my favorite things, and come and be with you. I've got to do some things to back up that decision. So I turned my will, my thoughts and wants, and my life, my actions, over to God. When Creator made this planet, He put all kinds of little critters on here. They had a little four-legged, two-leggered, slivered, feathered, you know, all kinds. But one thing he gave to this critter, to us, man is self-will. You know, and when we get into that inventory, this is my experience, we find that we get in trouble a lot of trouble in two major areas. Not only, but two major ones, and it's pretty much common, finances and sex. Those two things trip us up. All animals have got that sexual deal going on in order to reproduce. I live on a little lake down in Marietta, Georgia. And once a year, I know that spring is coming because them damn geese make a racket. Boy, when they start courting, somebody's fixing to get laid. You know, and they keep me awake. But they don't do that year-round. Geese mate for life. I've never seen that old goose out there going, you know what I wonder what it would be like to hit that goose down at the end there. A little white head. They don't do that. That little old Boston Terrier William Griffith Wilson Jr. boy is laying on that mat at the house. He's not thinking about what it'd be like to lay up with that poodle two doors down. He's just wondering when his daddy's going to come home. He doesn't do that. But see, we'll go into a grocery store or the Walmart and we'll see our neighbor's wife or girlfriend going, hmm. And it's not just alcoholics, guys. Please don't let alcohol be your scapegoat. You know them cats with Enron? Tiger Woods? He wasn't an alcoholic. How about Bill Clinton? How about Brett Favre? There's no alcohol involved here. The book says we all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. So human beings were driven by those two areas. So, it's like there are so many species out there. Fish and there's just different species and they mate for life. The thought never comes into their mind for any kind of infidelity. So we don't have four-step for fish. You know? Geese don't write four-steps. But that's not us. So we make this decision to invite God in because we're the third step. Are we going to wrap up the third stuff in the session? OK, I'm going to blow forward here a little bit. What I get 10 minutes over on page 63. And you don't need to go there because you guys all know this prayer. This prayer is written in King James. and if i come up to you on the break and say how art thou slap me because i've taken leave of my senses i talk to my god just the same way i talk to you and my little guys when i'm when i've taken them through this work and they get to some king james they automatically associate it with the bible and they they lock down so we have a conversation about this and what i like to do is explain this prayer to him chris Chris did a good job in one part of it earlier. It says, God, I offer myself to you. It doesn't say I'm giving myself to You. I'm broken. I'm offering this broken man to You, God. I'm going to give you a little visual here. The lady in the back by the door. Wave your hand. Yeah. Everybody see her? I'm gonna make a decision. watch this I'm going to make a decision that I'm gonna get on my hands and knees and I'mma crawl off this stage and Ima go straight to her I can't go around I can' go down these aisle ways and if I make that decision I've got to move some people in some chairs out of the way to get to her do you follow I can''t get straight to er I've gotta clear some things out of away I'm making a decision to do the rest of this work is what step three is So in order to get to her, I'm going to have to ask the people to move. I'm not going to go back and scoot some chairs over because the rule is that I can't stand up and I can'T go down the aisle. I offer myself to you to build with me and to do with me as you see fit. See, man's will is flawed. It didn't say bad, but it's flawed. God's will, I believe that we can all agree, is divine. It's perfect. Can we agree on that? So to build avec me and do avec me as YOU see fit So if God's going to do something, it's got to be better than anything I've ever done. Wouldn't that kind of come to reason? And then it says, relieve me of the bondage of self. Chris spotted all the convicts in here last night and y'all stick out like a sore thumb. Y'all know what a clanging door sounds like and you know what them clicking handcuffs sound like. That's when other people do that. When they lock you up or they put handcuffs on you, that's society's way of saying we don't trust you with your hands. In this case, what they've done is it says relieve me of the bondage of self. I'm the one that closed the door. I'mtheonethatputthebondageon. I did that. I need God to relieve meofthat bondage. And what bondage is it? Of my own making. so take away my relief me of the bondage of self that I may better do your will take away my difficulties hmm what are they talking about thing that pops into the mind of the new guys well I'm fixing to have to write a fourth step that might be a little difficult and then I got to sit down with you I just met you at the meeting last night and do this confession thing hmm the biggest difficulty for me is I've got to go out here and co-mingle with you without any booze or drugs I've gotta go out here and be a straight up guy in the business world I've GOTTA STAND IN BACK OF YOU AT WALMART MAN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET SOBER TAKE AWAY MY DIFFICULTIES WHY? BECAUSE THESE LITTLE GUYS AND GALS THAT ARE COMING UP BEHIND ME They hear this, but they're watching this. We have a mutual friend back in Atlanta named Jerry Sinatra and another guy named Christian Proctor and these guys are at two ends of the spectrum and I sponsored both of them. We don't have anything in common except we do this deal. Independent of each other, they came to me one day and the conversation came up on how they chose me to be a sponsor. I'm a homeless guy. I'm an Harley Davidson riding guy. I've got a completely different lifestyle than they do and they both, independent of each other, said we've watched you walk through some of the most difficult things that a human being can face and you did it with dignity and sober. Take away my difficulties that victory over them will bear witness to those I would help of God's power, God's love, and God's way of life. God's will is perfect. My will is flawed. And then at the end of it, it says, may I do your will always. And there's no amen at this prayer. When at the end of the seventh step, we're making a beginning here. All we're doing, and you know, Chris talks about time frames. There's no big decisions in the first year. Really? What the hell was that third step? Pretty big decision. So in essence, I said it a second time. The third step is nothing more than saying I'm willing to do the rest of the work. But the fuel for that work was back over in two. Three is the decision. I packed some clothes. I got a pet sitter. I talked to my buddy Chris and Dan picked us up at the airport so I took some action to back up the decision I made when he called. so if you make a decision take some action and follow it through the results are amazing we're good let's take a quick break and come back