Faith and a Higher Power – District 8 Twelve Step Study – Part 2 of 2 – Willye B.

Stormy weather because even though I've never had a fear of flying it would be sacrilegious being married to a pilot for as long as I was but I do like to have a nice smooth flight home but to be aware of these things and all the things because last night we were talking about all of man's accomplishments. I wonder what man invented that day out there. See man didn't have anything to do with that and those are the things that it's good to stop and appreciate every once in a while all the things man had nothing to do with and we see it all the time it said to certain newcomers into those one-time agnostics who still cling to the AA group as their higher power claims for the power of prayer may despite all the logic and experience and proof of it still be unconvincing or quite objectionable for those of us who once felt this way and certainly understand and sympathize we well remember how something deep inside us kept rebelling against the idea of bowing before any god and i've always thought that was wrapped up in a lot of fear and a lotof not feeling worthy of even calling on god or recognizing the fact that he was there if I recognized it he might notice me and start punishing me so I just sort of acted like you know there wasn't anything out there and many of our newcomers and particularly now where church is not the central pivot of their life the way it was for some of us that are older many of us have strong logic too which proved that there was no God whatever what about all the accidents and sickness and cruelty and injustice in the world? What about all those unhappy lives which were the direct results of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable circumstances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme of things and therefore no God at all. And that's logic. That's logic when we get into circumstances that had absolutely nothing to do. We can't help, and it's a human thought to say, you know, God, why? Why? Why does this happen to people? And it said further back that the riddle, the answer to that riddle may never be answered. We don't know. But the thing of it is we also, if we can think in a positive manner, I think the book is trying to tell us and trying to reinforce our whole program is the fact that, you now, why not if we give him credit for things that man had nothing to do with, if good things happen and they do every day, then if we recognize those and wonder why did that happen to me if something particularly good happens? Why don't I ever say, you know, I wonder why I was picked out for that honor. Why I was kicked out for that particular thing that I like to do. You know, why did the people in Topeka call me and ask me to come here? It's been a beautiful weekend. I've never, you know, you don't stop and question the good things that happen to you. The thousands of people that I've been privileged to know. And, you Know, if I'm aware of all those things, and if I're aware when I pull in the garage at night after being out on the freeway, if I am aware that, You know, I didn't really get myself there, the car didn't get me there, I didn' t really get my self there. God gave me a brain so that I would be as cautious as I possibly could. but a lot of people are cautious then they get run over so if I get into that frame of mind then I can better be prepared for the logic business when it comes along because it will if you live long enough then a lot of unexplained things are going to happen to you but if we're in the habit of knowing that yes they're going to happened but a whole bunch of positive stuff is going to happend too and look forward to that and just not worry about the negative until it hits you because you can't do anything about it anyhow. It's like the little schoolboy that the fireman came to the school and they gave him a little drill on drop and roll, trying to teach the kids if their clothing caught on fire to drop and row, drop and grow. Well, after the little lecture from the firemen and the demonstration and everything, one of them picked out a little boy and said now son what would you do if your clothing caught on fire if your jacket was on fire the little boy thought for a minute he said I don't believe I'd put it on and see that's we don't need deep philosophy that little fellow figured that out real quick if that jacket was on fire he wasn't gonna put it on so right now my jackets not on fire so what am i worried about and this if I can make this a habit then prayer and meditation all blend into a way of thinking and that's what this program is all about it's just a way thinking that will encourage good action at the bottom of the page this paragraph says those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air or food or sunshine and for the same reason when we refuse air and light and food the body suffers and when we turn away from meditation in prayer we likewise deprive our minds our emotions and our intuitions of vitally needed support as the body can fail its purpose for the lack of nourishment soak in the soul we all need the light of God's reality the nourishment of his strength and the atmosphere of His grace to an amazing extent the facts of a a life confirm this ageless truth there is direct linkage among self-examination meditation and prayer taken separately these practices can bring much relief and benefit but when they are logically related and interwoven the results is an unshakable foundation for life all the promises aren't in the big book that's a beautiful one there when we can take and get this into a just a way of thinking to walk around with this conscious contact of I want to do what's right you got your contact you're asking for his will because that's what he wants you to do and when this is interwoven the results is that unshakable foundation I like that promise I've seen it come true not only in my own life but in thousands of other lives the next paragraph says as we have seen self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision action and grace to bear upon the dark and the negative sides of our nature it is a step in the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help yet it's only a step we want to go further we'll want the good that is in us even in the worst of us to flower and grow most certainly we shall need bracing air and the abundance of food but first of all we shall want sunlight nothing much can grow in the dark and that takes care of prolonging a grouchy or a grumpy mood. Nothing's growing. If my mind is in a negative state, nothing's going to grow there. And I'm a very curious person. I don't like for stuff to get by me. And I might miss something if I'm walking around in a negativestate of mind. It says meditation is our step out into the sun. How then shall we meditate? The actual experience of meditation and prayer across the centuries is, of course, immense. The world's libraries and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. It is to be hoped that every AA who has a religious connection which emphasizes meditation will return to the practice of that devotion as never before. But what about the rest of us, less fortunate, who don't even know how to begin? All right, he says, well, we might start like this. first let's look at a really good prayer we won't have far to seek the great men and women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply he let us consider one that is a classic its author was a man who for several hundred years now has been rated as a saint and we won t be biased or scared off by that fact because although he was not an alcoholic he did like us go through the emotional ringer and as he came out on the other side of that pain painful experience this prayer was his expression of what he could then see and feel and wish to become and there we have the the prayer of st. Francis and it all of the things that st. Francis asked for is what this program suggests that we live all of the things that he asked God for and see some people say you know when I when you pray you're not supposed to ask for anything for yourself the prayer of st. Francis which is so accepted and so beautiful he asked for things for himself but you noticed the way it was done not gimme gimme give me but let me be of usefulness in these particular things we see love and forgiveness and harmony and truth and faith and hope and light and joy comfort and understanding let me be the kind of a person Lord he was saying the same way that we say in alcoholics anonymous let me be useful to that next alcoholic that comes along or that one that is still suffering not drinking but suffering let me bring harmony into my own home let me learn how to forgive if i learn how i can better help other people to learn how if i learned to deal with truth I'll be able to give that away and help others to see truth if I can put hope into my life then I'll the type of person that you know that emulates hope that when they're hit with something always say you know Things will get better. They'll be all right. They'llbe okay. And light, where there's darkness, where there is any kind of suffering, whether it be alcoholic or not. The fact that we can hear of a neighbor that has an illness, and even if I'm not a baker, and I'mnotabaker, we have some very good bakeries in the area. I can go down and buy something and just drop it by. It's those things that don't they don't take very long but I guarantee you it's those kind of things that will keep that conscious contact you won't have to run around looking for it and you won' t ever feel that I've lost it because it brings the next thing that St. Francis asked for and that's joy it brings that good fuzzy feeling that a lot of people think they can get by doing great, big, magnanimous things for other people. What makes up our lives? Trivia. Little things. Trivia, most of us. You know, when I took my inventory, I found that I was very ordinary and that that's okay. It's okay to be ordinary. Some of the students I remember from all those years of teaching have been just the plain old, average, ordinary kids. I couldn't give you too many names of my extremely bright, accelerated, way-out-there-in-orbit kids. But those just plain old run-of-the-mill kids that came to class every day, did their work. Those are the kids that stand out in my mind and the ones that thought they were so unloved by everybody. the Tigers, I liked them too because they were a challenge everybody thought I was out of my mind because I always asked for junior high school and those the most troubled kids teaching high school is a piece of cake upside junior high piece of Cake these are the kids that one of them told me one time he said you know we're just nobodies we're not little anymore and we're not big enough to do anything we're just nobody's and that's how they feel if you have 11 12 13 year old don't take them off and you know stash them some set place until they get a little bit older hang in there with them even though your hair might get a little grayer you might have to go off in the bedroom and punch on the pillow for a while but that's alright they have all sorts of things going on mentally physically that they don't understand and those are the ones I remember not necessarily those that were we're way up there in their thinking and in their grades what I'm trying to say is be an ordinary just being a run-of-the-mill person is okay and if that's what most of us to strive for we're going to be in pretty good shape if my new gal doesn't know how to start with this step then we sit together and look at the prayer of saint francis because that gives a beginning and we list all of the things that he asked for at the bottom of the page it says as beginners in meditation we might now reread this prayer several times very slowly savoring every word and trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea it'll help if we can drop all resistance to what our friend says for in meditation debate has no place we rest quietly with the thoughts of someone who knows so that we may experience and learn getting into a great debate about somebody not believing is a waste of time if I can share that with them if they can peak pick up on something that's great over on page 101 it says once more we read our prayer and again try to see what an inner essence is, what its inner essence is. We'll think now about the man who first uttered the prayer. First of all he wanted to become a channel, just a channel. Then he asked for the grace to bring love and forgiveness and harmony and truth and faith and hope and light and joy to every human being that he could next came the expression of an aspiration in a hope for himself there it once again it gives us permission to ask things for ourselves just to be careful that they're not greedy that they're trivial they're not something that we should be striving for down here with our feet planted on the earth but that's not what he was asking for but he asked for things for himself he hoped God willing that he might be able to find some of these treasures too this he would try to do by what he called self-forgetting what did he mean by self forgetting and how did that he proposed to accomplish that he thought it better to give comfort than to receive it better to understand than to be understood better to forgive than to be forgiven see I was so intent on my man understanding my alcoholism that I almost ruined my marriage because that's what I was demanding that he that he understand I was asking this man to do something that there was no way he could do that as long as he had that ability to have a couple of drinks and put it down and walk away and not even give it another thought and half the time like I said the food didn't even you know finish the second one walk off and leave it and I was asking him to understand why I couldn't do that when really I couldn't even understand at that time myself because I hadn't paid any attention to the allergy so I was asking him to do something absolutely impossible see it was so important that I be understood I gave him a bad time because he in the beginning because he you know wouldn't go to an AA meeting he wouldn't to an Al-Anon meeting he talked one time with a group of the men there ran to Illinois and that was it he's through but why was it so important for him to understand we very seldom understand completely another human being no matter how long we stay with them because there are parts of us that we can't there's no way we can share our whole being with another human being but I was demanding that he do that it would be better and when I understood that it was better for me to understand that he couldn't understand then for me to be understood and see for 35 years he still had never gone to an alcoholics anonymous meeting he had never going to an AA to an out on meeting he had never been to a convention with me he had never heard a tape he had never heard me talk and see the thing of it is it was okay there was no reason for it he actually followed and many of your spouses might want to do the same thing and I'm not saying that that's the best way to do it I'm just saying that if If that's one of the facts of your life, then try to be more understanding than to want to be understood. Because as I told you, I had all y'all to share this program with. But AA didn't live in my home. Alcoholism didn't leave me. Alcoholism lived in my house. A marriage lived there. And that's about any, you know, all four walls can stand. Therefore, if it's that way with you, go with it. If it can be the other way, that's great. I see couples and in the beginning I'd go to various functions and there'd be couples together and I'd think, you know, now why can't I have that? But see, I wanted another human being to solve a dilemma for me when I could solve it myself. Because he really, as I say, he followed the Alcoholics Anonymous tradition of cooperation without affiliation. He cooperated with me in every way if I wanted to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning and make a 12-step call like we used to be able to. If I wanted go sit all night with some sick gal, that was okay. When I started taking off and doing a lot of traveling, that was also okay. That was okay? He cooperating without affiliations. And as time went along, It didn't take me long to realize that St. Francis had the right idea. It was better for me to understand the man and how he felt that way. He wasn't mad at it. He'd just rather be home, you know, doing other things. And that was all right. He said this much could be a fragment of what is called meditation, the fact that he wanted to do and be a channel himself perhaps out of very first attempt at a mood a flyer into the realm of the spirit if you like it ought to be followed by a good look at where we stand now and a further look at what might happen to our lives were we able to move closer to the idea we have been trying to glimpse meditation is something which can always be further developed it has no boundaries neither width or height aided by such instruction and examples we can find it is essentially an individual adventure something which each of us works out in his own way but its object is always the same to improve our conscious contact with God with His grace and His wisdom and His love. And Bill emphasized so much that that God of your own understanding some people that can't they've never had formal religion don't want any part of it are good members of Alcoholics Anonymous because all they do is put that extra O into the word God and try to live in a very good way. Because good and God go together. If I'm trying to do the very best that I can, then the belief is there whether I want to say it or not. It's there. And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical. I didn't see this when I first read this but it's very important one of its first fruits is emotional balance and that's what we know we have to keep shooting for is that emotional balance with it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understood him now what about prayer prayer is the raising of the heart and mind to God and in this sense it includes meditation How may we go about it? How does it fit in with meditation? Prayer as commonly understood is a petition to God. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to ask for those right things of which we and others are in greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our needs is well defined by that part of Step 11 which says, knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. A request for this fits in any part of our day. My favorite prayer in the morning is just, you know, God help me to keep my thinking straight today. Because see, if my thinking stays straight, I'm going to be all right. And furthermore, everybody around me is going tobe all right God was good enough to leave me a brain sort of mushy in the beginning but as I've learned to use it it's strengthened up a little bit he left me that and if I can keep my thinking straight and not get bonkers over something unimportant or even doubtful about something important and doubt that it's not going to work out just the way it ought to work if I can keep my thinking straight today I can hear him better I can here directions better haven't you talked to people been looking them right in the eye and talking with them and something told you deep inside they weren't hearing a word you said looking right straight at you they didn't hear a word you said they were so busy thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. And this is sort of the way I think God feels sometimes. You know, He's talking to us but we're not listening. He's giving us this little practical nudge. Like I say, God to me is not way off somewhere. God lives in every one of us deep inside. And He's right there and we have our own private jokes and I, you know, sometimes I'll say You know, God, I told you I'd wait for this to happen, but I wish it'd hurry. It just, you know, I loved it when they came out with that, you know, God give me patience and do it right now. And sometimes we have real crazy conversations, but the thing of it is then after I get through telling him exactly what I figure is going on, then if I've learned to sit quietly and listen and I don't always hear anything, but that quiets my mind so I can go on with my business, and sure enough, a thought will occur to me just exactly how to deal with this problem. Alcoholics Anonymous, if you knew, honey, has never promised me, never have they promised me, to solve every problem that came up in my life. Never. But it has promised me to handle any problem that come up in our lives. my life that's a pretty good guarantee because there's some problems that can't be solved period but this program assures me that I can handle anything that life hands me that's beautiful beautiful promise over on page 103 in that middle paragraph it said of course it is reasonable and understandable that the question is often asked, why can't we take a specific and troubling dilemma straight to God and in prayer secure from him sure and definite answers to our request? We've all thought that. There's not a person sitting in this room that hadn't wondered about that. But let's be practical a minute. What if all of us could really do that? everybody on the earth could ask God for something and immediately get it. When you get to thinking about it, it's pretty funny. That would be a pretty unreal place to live, wouldn't it? Where everybody got everything they asked for. I think God was trying to show us something in his story with Adam and eve he put them in a paradise they didn't want for anything everything was right there they didn t have to work for it they didn d have to they had all the beautiful things in life what'd they do with that messed it up and i think he was trying to show us there that, you know, all of us would want all of these things. And would that really be the answer to happiness? It wasn't for Adam and Eve. And those were at first. We're the remakes over and over and over, you now. They were first. But they messed up a perfect life. And I'm just mischievous enough to, you know... If I don't have a problem every now and then, I get sort of worried because I don't have anything to fool with but if if that could be answered it doesn't even make sense when you think about it for each and every one of us over on page 104 it says we also fall into another similar temptation we form ideas as to what we think God's will is some of y'all are speed readers for other people now we're getting down to some nitty-gritty we say to ourselves this one ought to be cured of his fatal malady or that one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain and we pray for these specific things such prayers of course are fundamentally good acts but often they're based upon the supposition that we know God's will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in it. It is in AA's experience that particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's Will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves. The bottom paragraph down there, it says, we discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost any experienced AA will tell how his affairs had taken remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried to improve the conscious contact with God. He'll also report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust. New lessons for living were learned. New resources of courage were uncovered. And finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does move in a mysterious ways his wonders to perform. I think in the 12 and 12 here, it gets prayer and meditation down to where we can not be so afraid of it. This bottom paragraph is particularly good. It said, Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost or frightened or purposeless. The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, The moment we begin to see truth and justice and love as the real and the eternal things in life, we're no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surround us in purely human affairs. And this promise I love. We know, we know that God lovingly watches over us. we know that when we turn to him all will be well for us here and the hereafter step 12 our principle behind this step is service now don't get nervous I'm not talking about general service and I'm no longer talking about I'm talking about New York type service this is good this is excellent when you go into a group and get your foothold in that group and do service work. It will add a dimension to your life, to your AA life in particular, and add a mention to your life as well as to you because there you have to practice tolerance and you have to practice diligence and you has to practice self-discipline just like you do at a group conscience meeting. Sometimes you really have to practice everything you have but the thing of it is service work will help you but in general service to make ourselves of service to to anyone that crosses our path and by service doesn't necessarily always doing something for him but just being there and showing up people ask me Willie do you still go to AA meetings after all this time of course I do. I have a home group, and I'm responsible to that group. And I need to show up. In this, we see a lot of facets about 12-step work. There are a lot of people in a position they can't do 12- step work in its regular order. They can't leave their homes at any time of the day or night. You take a woman, and she's new in AA, and she has two little babies. And people are sitting around telling her you need to go to 90 meetings in 90 days where that came from well it came from the justice system the judges started all of that it has nothing to do with alcoholics anonymous you won't see it in any of our literature you can dig as deep as you want to this 90 meetings and 90 days business came fromthe justice system. The judges said either do 90 meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous after it got to be fashionable 90 meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous or do 90 days in jail and that's what that statement means 90 or 90 either way you take it but here we have a little you know a little young mother that comes in and she has two little babies at home and and I'll tell you for a couple of nights that husband's gonna sit there and he'll look after those babies but after that zilch and the thing of it is they'll come up with the old cliche about well you drank and had those babies so you can go to meetings too no no no a lot of the home drinkers they took care of their kids they didn't really do their hard earnest drinking until that's those kids were in bed and besides that we're trying to show her that there's a better more sane way to live in Alcoholics Anonymous I advise my girls you know pick out at least one meeting a week and arrange for somebody trade off with somebody in the group to keep your kids and they you keep theirs but make that one meeting a week because see there's a lot of us that came in in the 50s that we were lucky to find one meeting week very lucky we made it in the 60s you couldn't find meetings morning, noon, and night like you can now. And she can pick out a noon meeting to go to and maybe trade off with some of the kids but to demand and make her feel like that she must go to 90 meetings in 90 days you're going to mess with the marriage because that man men are really not cut out to be babysitters night after night after night after tonight my husband told me he was a lover not a babysitter like i say that he didn't say this mean now he didn'T say it it was in a joking way but the thing of it is my baby was a tiny little fellow when he when i was sobering up when i WAS really getting sober in other words what i'm trying to say is let's not treat everybody with that egg carton take into consideration the girl that you're trying to help maybe she won't be able to go to you know all the meetings that you that would really be good for her maybe but well like I say we all made it and in some states I had to drive 40 or 50 miles to get to that one meeting so if she can discipline herself enough to figure out a way to get to one a week that's good take everything into consideration when we're trying to help anybody let's don't use a specific recipe okay it says having had a spiritual awakening as the results as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs and that's what we've been talking about all weekend is principles in all of our affairs I love this first paragraph the joy of living is the theme of a a's twelfth step and action is its key word here we turn outward toward our fellow alcoholics who are still in distress here we experience the kind of giving that ask no rewards here we begin to practice all twelve steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional security sobriety when the twelfth step is seen in its full implication it's really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it no price tag the girls I sponsor owe me absolutely nothing not sobriety they get drunk on me and call me at ungodly hours you know really that's alright and then they're very sorry about it and are sure that I won't ever have anything more to do with them, being they didn't stay sober. No, my love has to have no price tag on it for the people I sponsor or for anybody else. Bill, and as Bill sees it, wrote about sponsorship and he talks about love without strings. He quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous first and says, practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics and he goes on to say sponsorship held two surprises for me first that my sponsors cared about me what i had thought was gratitude was more like love they wanted me to be happy to grow and to remain sober knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once second i discovered that i was able to love someone else responsibly with respectful and genuine concern for that person's growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another's well-being had died from lack of use. To learn that I can love without greed or anxiety has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times. No price tag on that love. And this is something that we need to remind ourselves of as we're working. I've sponsored one gal. She's one of these that hang up on you, you know. If you say the least little thing that ticks her off, wham! I told her one day, I said, though you're gonna you gonna ruin my hearing because all at once I'm talking along and I trigger something and wham a better sponsor for 20 years she's been in and out of this program but she'll maybe make five and six years of sobriety and then hello but see the price tag on my sponsorship doesn't go if you don't and then you know following directions is not one of her favorite things to do if I make a suggestion if I use that guide dog and push just a tiny little bit and she absolutely tells me exactly why she can't do that and why she's not even gonna try to do that then if I'm following my directions and my love has no price tag then the fact that she does not follow my suggestions what do I do a drop her that's up to everybody in their own way of sponsoring I don't let people use me but the fact that I that she stays sober six or seven years because before that gal came into alcoholics anonymous she ran straight out on the i-45 which is a freeway from Houston to Dallas and stood on that center line and see she's come a long way from wanting a you know a car to just take her out and deliberately going out there and standing on that center line she's gone from that to stands over six and seven years at a time in that time she's divorced her husband three times remarried him three times the last time he said no no no we'll do what we call in Texas I know it's it's you know meaningful relationship every place but down home we just call it shacking up so now they're back together and have been together about six or seven years but he said no to the marriage three times was enough so this gal you know she's a drunk and she has a lot of hang-ups that that you know I don't I can't control and everybody has to do what they have to do and and I have to be there for her because my love it says here doesn't have a price tag on it she doesn't do have to do what I suggest she does like I say I don't let anybody use up time that I could be using elsewhere but the thing of it is I seem I watch for results and the fact that even six or seven of sobriety is better than what she had because I try to keep that mental picture of the police drug getting her off of that center line she's a lot better off now middle of page 107 it says a a's manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the twelve steps in our program so let's consider briefly what we have been trying to do up to this point now many times when I get a new gal the next whole paragraph here the next whole page and down through the first paragraph on page 109 is a capsule of the steps with little things added little phrases that simplify and they sort of take the profundity out of the steps for someone that really doesn't is not clear about their last name they don't really know what day of the week it is even what month it is and it this this has helped me to deal with particular types that i get in some time that absolutely their mind is so cluttered that if I can go through the steps with them in here first and then gradually work in the step by itself but Bill puts in little things into some of the steps that say step two there for instance the second one that he takes up there at the in that paragraph step two we saw that since we could not restore ourselves to sanity some higher power must necessarily do it so if do so if we want to survive it just it's a very useful thing I have found in certain circumstances where the drinking has been so heavy and and other things other chemicals have come in where the thinking is not what it should be this sort of takes out all the little side things that he says and helps with the sum up of the twelve steps it'll never take the place but it started runs interference for you on page 109 after all of that all of the steps are listed it says so practicing these steps we had spiritual awakening about which finally there was no question and that sort of wraps up telling them why you're doing this in the first place then the middle paragraph it says now what about the rest of the twelfth step the wonderful energy that it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic which finally translates the twelve steps into action upon all of our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality of Alcoholics Anonymous. Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed rewards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother suffer to pay him or even to love him and then he discovers that by the divine paradox of that kind of giving he's found his own reward whether his brother has yet received anything at all his own character may still be gravely defective but he somehow knows that god has enabled him to make a mighty beginning and he senses that he stands at the edge of the new mysterious joys mysterious joy mysteries joys and experiences of which he has never even dreamed i think it was in studying that 12th step where i added the third a to my program i had admitted long long ago that i was an alcoholic so i had admitted it i had accepted the fact that i was an alcoholic but when i've got to that when i finally got to that third a when i found approval of the fact that i was an alcoholic that's when the real joy came it wasn't of my making i didn't become an alcoholic i didn't make my body allergic to alcohol and when i approved of the fact that that was a fact in my life when you approve of something you do a better job of it don't you accepting it sometime doesn't get the the joy into it all right i accepted it but when I approve of something it puts a whole new light on the situation I think when I had all three put together and with that approval came the idea light bulb turning on it you know this thing is real and it's going to be there for the rest of my life because I've never heard of a diabetic you know who is diabetes is not caused from their childhood or the way they thought or anything else it's chemistry I never heard of one that became undiabetic as years went by I've never heard of anybody that you know is highly allergic to something that after a while they just doesn't bother him at all now there are medications that can help some allergies but the allergy is still there it's just being doctored they've tried to doctor ours but they strike out every time because they're working on the wrong thing but the thing of it is when i put that approval in there i was approving of god's work he's giving you a tool hon if you knew he hadn't taken anything away from you you getting rid of something alcohol is not being taken away from you you getting rid of a monkey on your back and what you can do with it is up to you the many many ways that you can use it is after you now I'm can't leave this one but the 12th step is important very important and everything that's in this little twelve and twelve we know it's important because it's the only only step that a whole chapter is devoted to it in the big book of alcoholics anonymous it's the only step a whole chapter working with others all the rest of them are just included two or three at a time in a chapter but not not step 12 so we know how important it is so and so many good suggestions in this 12 and 12 that bill added those 13 years later but this this is something that we don't point out to new people i think often enough on page 110 in the middle of the page it says nor is this the only kind of 12-step work he's talking about you know working it with individuals which some of us can't do in the beginning we can't do that this is not the only kind of 12-step work he said we sit in a a meetings and listen not only to receive something ourselves but to give the reassurance and support which our presence can bring of course I still go to meetings just being there is a type of 12 step work just being there somebody was there for you that's that's a big part of 12-step work showing up at that meeting being them be that group being able to depend on your presence and you being there for that new person if our turn comes to speak at meeting we again try to carry a A's message what does say it doesn't say it's a place to throw all of our problems out on the table and everybody give their suggestions on what we need to do with those problems there are some of them that I go to that aren't AA meetings at all they're problem-solving meetings and that's all right if something particular is is on our mind and we say you know if we can pinpoint the in the defect that it's bringing out I'm angry and I need some help controlling this anger and I can't get a hold of my sponsor what now let's just review anger tonight then we're looking at at some of a a's message because maybe we'll be able to help in all the suggestions that we get somebody else's anger but to just sit around and say you know well my husband hurt my feelings last night he did such-and-so and so and so and then I told him and then the kids got into it and I believe our own bra draw it says that it when it time to come to speak at a meeting we again try to carry a A's message whether our audience is one or many it's still 12-step work there are many opportunities even for those of us who feel unable to speak at meetings or who are so situated that we cannot do much face-to-face 12- step work just your presence is a form of 12-stepped work you don't have to spout any great philosophies many times many times i'll just say i'm willing and i'm a little bit tired tonight and and i'll pass may come back later but right now I'll pay just my being there we can be the ones who take on the unspectacular but important tasks that make good twelve-step work possible perhaps were arranging for the coffee or cake after meetings whether so many where so many skeptical suspicious newcomers have found confidence and comfort in the laughter and the talk this is 12-step work in the very best sense of the word freely you have received and freely give is the core of this part of step 12 we so often think that if the circumstances aren't right if our job is not situated where we can take off and help somebody or even sponsor somebody's a lot of people are in the position where they really can't sponsor anybody but if they will just take that time to be at the meeting volunteer to be the show up a little bit early if you can and make coffee for a couple of months take on the little responsibilities because as it said so many times around that coffee pot that's where that newcomer gets that little fuzzy feeling that you know these people aren't all down in the mouth and all this they don't seem to be so bad off being sober maybe I won't be either I thought I was so so unfortunate in fact I even asked God one time I said God you know I don't know why he made an alcoholic out of me because why didn't you do this to a Baptist preacher's wife she wasn't supposed to drink anyhow I I thought I was so unfortunate to be an alcoholic and then it's ridiculous when we think of it in impractical real terms we have the only only terminal illness that is immediately arrestable the only one that is immediately arrestable. We have the only fatal disease that we come out of stronger and braver and happier than when we went into it. Isn't that so? And we're unfortunate. It goes back to attitude, doesn't it? It goes back to attitude i have two things that i want to leave you with they both came out of the grapevine i very seldom use anything that hadn't come out of aa literature unless it just happens to make a real good point but most of the things that I use come outof the grape vine or aa literature of some kind this was in a grapevine long time ago this first one but it means a lot to me because it it gets a and what we're trying to really do and what our purpose is it puts it down into something I can understand it's called the flight pattern next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter flying along in a V formation you might consider what science has discovered about why geese fly that way. It has been learned as each bird flaps its wings it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in this V formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. People who share a common goal can get where they're going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the uplift of one another. When a goose falls out of formation it immediately feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone, and quite quickly gets back in formation to take advantage of the uplifting power of the bird immediately in front. Now if we have the sense of a goose, we're gonna stay in formation with those headed the same way we're going. When the lead goose gets tired it rotates back in formation and another goose flies point. It pays to take turns doing the hard jobs. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. We too do something when we honk from behind. Finally, when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot and falls out, two geese fall out of formation and follow it down to help and to protect it and they stay with their ailing goose until it is either able to fly or until it dies then and only then do they launch out on their own or with another formation to catch up with their original group if we have the simple sense of a goose we're going to stand by each other just like that that was written by a beautiful Canadian in one of the grapevines and I leave you with what I always leave any anybody with and this is this came out of the Grapevine in 1957 58 somewhere along there all these people studying us and trying to define us and this beautiful wrap-up of what Alcoholics Anonymous is there are things that it might be to you that could be added to this but it's pretty encompassing as to what this whole thing is all about for you new people you listen a a is a spirit it cannot be touched nor can it be completely understood it's as wide as is the world and yet small enough to fit snugly into the hearts in the minds of man it's brought light where only darkness dwelt it's given hope to the hopeless and help to those who yearned in despair its nourished forgiveness and those who knew no pity it's giving strength to the weak and humility to the strong it spurred the higher goals those who strove for nothing it's taught patience to the hurried and action to the lazy to youth its given vision and to the aged promise to the lonely companions and to the restless rest to the sick it's been a doctor and to the dying it has revived the desire to live it has no judgment against the unteachable nor has it praise for those who learn to the outcast it's been a family and to the childless it's given children to the ignorant wisdom into the wise tolerance it's giving to all men that which is most most precious it's given a love of life and a love truth with enough left over to share with each other Thank You Topeka for letting me share this weekend with you god bless