Eric M. – Steps 10-12 – The High Cost of Bullsh*t – 2012

About This Speaker Tape

Eric maps out a life defined by volatility, from a chaotic childhood in Queens and Singapore to a high-velocity descent into drugs and alcohol at fifteen. He describes a period of profound delusion—believing he had psychic powers and was either the second coming of Christ or Hitler—before a suicide attempt on a sailboat led him to treatment. After years of white-knuckling and navigating the wreckage of family death and professional exploitation in the motorcycle industry, Eric dismantles the illusion that money and power could sustain his sobriety.

He eventually confronts the trauma of childhood molestation and the reality of his own addictive behaviors beyond substances. He traces his path from a skeptical, arrogant newcomer to a man attempting to downsize his life and build a relationship with a son he only recently discovered through a DNA test.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Eric discusses the confusion over his sobriety date and his chaotic family history.
• 5:12 Description of early drug use and the 'shot out of a cannon' descent into addiction.
• 10:20 The 'psychic powers' phase and auditory hallucinations from ecstasy use.
• 15:45 The suicide attempt on the sailboat and the transition to his first treatment center.
• 18:30 First experience with the Big Book and the realization that the literature described his life exactly.
• 21:15 Working the 12 Steps: the Third Step prayer and the struggle with the Fourth Step.
• 25:40 The tragedy of his father's death from alcohol and the lesson that 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic'.
• 30:10 The 'free lapse' in the hospital after hernia surgery and the immediate return of the mental obsession.
• 33:45 Discussion of childhood molestation and the process of confronting his molesters.
• 36:20 Final thoughts on honesty as the only workable principle and the importance of action over understanding.